Alan Fadling's Blog, page 83

Podcast: Addiction – Emotional Deficit Spending

We’re talking about “Addiction” today. This isn’t so much about the substances, or relationships, or activities to which we find ourselves addicted. It’s more of a conversation about how the dynamics of addiction impact us.

When we act on addictive impulses, it is like borrowing against future emotional resources. Having a few too many drinks to feel lighthearted or relaxed is like borrowing peace or joy from our future. Overeating as a source of comfort is like borrowing comfort from our future (leaving inevitable discomfort in my future).

There is a physical reality that substance or behavior addictions stimulate or imitate certain brain chemicals in a way that results in less effective functioning of those parts of the brain next time. If I distract myself to avoid unpleasant feelings, I am borrowing concentration or focus from my future.

If you resonate with the dynamics of addiction in some part of your life, this is an invitation to enter into the freedom of grace and our response of repentance. Let’s freshen the meaning of this sometimes abused word: Repentance is simply a turning away from what is draining and damaging us and turning towards the One Who is Life.

Subscribe on iTunes or Stitcher

Join us on Patreon!

Become a Patron

Those of you who listen to our podcast know that we are creating a worldwide conversation at the intersection of deeper spiritual life and broader personal influence. That’s what we mean by Unhurried Living.

In an age where hurry, distraction and busyness are rampant, we share a different message: Rest Deeper. Live Fuller. Lead Better.

We need your help to keep this work going–and to make it better. So we invite you to join us as a partner on Patreon.com.

We want to release the same high-caliber, high-value episodes to you, but with even more excellence. We want to create even more conversations, prayers, interviews and 5-minute retreats for a more gracious, thoughtful approach to your life.

Our podcast will always be free to all listeners, but by subscribing to Patreon you can help–your monthly subscription helps us grow our team, pay for the hard costs of producing our work, and makes it possible for us to spread our message globally. You can partner with us for as little as $1 a month.

Plus, depending on your subscription, you’ll get access to some resources and opportunities available only to our patron community, like:

A copy of our talking points and notes for each episode.
Access to a members only Patreon feed.
An extra 10-minute “inside track” after-episode podcast, where we unpack the podcast theme further.
Helping us choose topics and respond to questions for future episodes.
A 20% discount for all of Unhurried Living online courses.

Help us produce the work you already love–become a subscriber today. We thank you in advance for becoming a part of our community. So head on over to patreon.com/unhurriedliving and become a patron today!

The post Podcast: Addiction – Emotional Deficit Spending appeared first on Unhurried Living.

Secrecy – Do I Really Need to Share Everything?

In this day of information and social media, many of us are posting all of the grand exploits of our lives on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat and more. It can be tempting to think that everything we do is noteworthy (at best), or that we are the center of the universe (at worst).

We can feel the need to impress everyone around us at all times. There can be pressure to prove our lives have meaning, or that we are cool, or that we are funny, or that we are well traveled, or that we are interesting or…you get the idea.

This can become exhausting. Is it really possible to sustain a life that has at least one amazing thing per day (sometimes more) that is worth telling dozens of people?

Sometimes it’s nice to do something and not tell anyone. Like the old days when phones were stuck to the wall and there were no answering machines.

We used to do things and not tell anyone…unless it came to our mind the next time we saw them. You could bake a juicy berry pie and not take a photo of it. You would just sit down together at dinner and eat it, the only evidence being the purple stain on your teeth.

Adele Calhoun, in her book Spiritual Disciplines Handbook, defines Secrecy as “practicing the spirit of Christ reflected in hiddenness, anonymity, lack of display and the holding of confidences.”

Calhoun goes on to say, “Jesus was totally free. He gave gratuitously and graciously. He did not look for a return. He played to an audience of One—His Father. Secrecy stems from the desire to share confidences with God–to play to an audience of One.”

Secrecy can be a kind of fasting from attention for notoriety as well as a furthering of our intimacy with God.

A mentor of mine once said to me, “Don’t share everything. Some things, if shared, can lose their potency.” Meaning can be stripped of something if it is thrown to the wind for everyone to admire and make comments. Sometimes it is good to just let it be.

We often hear the phrase, “It is what it is.” I haven’t always been sure I like that phrase as it can lead to inaction. However, in this case, “it is what it is” is exactly what we are looking for. We can do something wonderful, amazing, self-sacrificing or even mundane, and not tell anyone.

It is what it is before God. He alone sees it. Our secret draws us closer and the potency remains.

There are many ways to practice Secrecy. One simple way is to be mindful of our use of social media and how the use of it may affect our hearts or the hearts of others.

The next time you have the urge to post something on your favorite social media app try this:

Leave your phone in your pocket.
Stay focused on what is happening.
If you are with people, really enjoy the moment in their presence.
If you are alone, let the moment lead you into conversation with God and bond you to Him even further.

And don’t forget to thank God for this opportunity…a moment of beauty…a wonderful connection with your friends or family, or even a juicy piece of berry pie.

Photo by Micheile Henderson on Unsplash

The post Secrecy – Do I Really Need to Share Everything? appeared first on Unhurried Living.

Podcast: Reservoir Leadership – Influencing from a Full Soul

What would it be like to be a reservoir kind of person? Wouldn’t you like to live, relate and serve from a place of fullness, rather than continuing to pour out the last drop from your ever-emptying cup?

We can learn how to treasure the goodness God is always pouring out to us, storing it up like a reservoir of abundance out of which we might bless and serve others without becoming empty. We can make space to let God fill our souls to the brim in relationship to him. This is how Jesus was able to accomplish all that he did. He often withdrew to receive love from the Father, to learn from him.

Subscribe on iTunes or Stitcher

Join us on Patreon!

Become a Patron

Those of you who listen to our podcast know that we are creating a worldwide conversation at the intersection of deeper spiritual life and broader personal influence. That’s what we mean by Unhurried Living.

In an age where hurry, distraction and busyness are rampant, we share a different message: Rest Deeper. Live Fuller. Lead Better.

We need your help to keep this work going–and to make it better. So we invite you to join us as a partner on Patreon.com.

We want to release the same high-caliber, high-value episodes to you, but with even more excellence. We want to create even more conversations, prayers, interviews and 5-minute retreats for a more gracious, thoughtful approach to your life.

Our podcast will always be free to all listeners, but by subscribing to Patreon you can help–your monthly subscription helps us grow our team, pay for the hard costs of producing our work, and makes it possible for us to spread our message globally. You can partner with us for as little as $1 a month.

Plus, depending on your subscription, you’ll get access to some resources and opportunities available only to our patron community, like:

A copy of our talking points and notes for each episode.
Access to a members only Patreon feed.
An extra 10-minute “inside track” after-episode podcast, where we unpack the podcast theme further.
Helping us choose topics and respond to questions for future episodes.
A 20% discount for all of Unhurried Living online courses.

Help us produce the work you already love–become a subscriber today. We thank you in advance for becoming a part of our community. So head on over to patreon.com/unhurriedliving and become a patron today!

The post Podcast: Reservoir Leadership – Influencing from a Full Soul appeared first on Unhurried Living.

Becoming Dallas Willard: A Book Review

Over the last couple of weeks, I’ve been reading and loving a new biography written by my friend, Gary Moon, of the Dallas Willard Center at Westmont College. The title is Becoming Dallas Willard: The Formation of a Philosopher, Teacher, and Christ Follower. What a well-written, enjoyable-to-read book!

It was a gift to reflect on so many intersections and near-path-crossings with Dallas over the years. For example, when Gem and I married in 1985 and moved one month later to Southern California, we joined the staff of a church where Dallas had been an early Sunday adult class teacher (then Faith Evangelical Church, now The Church at Rocky Peak).

That church was only three miles away by back canyon road from the Willard home in Chatsworth. In Becoming Dallas Willard, Gary references at least four messages Dallas taught at that church.

I remember reading The Spirit of the Disciplines when it came out in 1988. Those were years when “unhurried” was not in my vocabulary, nor anywhere near my lifestyle. Looking back at my copy (faithfully marked up in red pen), I see many of the ideas Dallas offered in that book that would soon become key insights in my own formation        .

I was never in Dallas’s inner circle like other friends of mine: Todd Hunter (who is bishop now under whom I am an Anglican priest in the Diocese of Churches for the Sake of Others) and James Bryan Smith (of The Apprentice Institute), to name two.

Perhaps the main reason I never reached out to Dallas directly was that God provided a Dallas-like mentor to me in 1990 in Chuck Miller (Barnabas, Inc.). For nearly thirty years, Chuck mentored me in Christ-like life and leadership.

But, I remember when I was on staff with The Leadership Institute, we invited Dallas to come speak to our first four generations of The Journey in May 1998. I still have those recordings. What a gift to hear Dallas talk then about “Abiding,” “The Spiritual Disciplines,” “Living Godly in a Postmodern Age” and “Developing Models for the Church.”

On that retreat, I sat with Dallas and Chuck as they talked about a book Chuck had waited at least 20 years to write and which would capture his insights on Christian life and leadership over those years. Dallas, who was then the editor of a spiritual formation series hosted by NavPress, invited Chuck to write it for that series. (Renovation of the Heart was the flagship title in that NavPress Spiritual Formation Book series).

I remember how encouraging and gracious Dallas was in that conversation. Unfortunately, two car accidents spaced a year apart would delay the completion of Chuck’s book by nearly 10 years (The Spiritual Formation of Leaders) and so he self-published.

There would be a number of continuing “path crossings” at college chapels, church services, banquets and, finally, at Dallas’s last major public ministry engagement at Westmont College at the “Knowing Christ Today” conference.

I could tell Dallas was physically drained that weekend from his ongoing battle with cancer, but his spirit was perhaps brighter and more potent than I’d ever witnessed. The rich insights of that conference were captured later in Living in Christ’s Presence (IVP).

I still remember receiving a message from Jan Johnson, one of Dallas’ good friends, on the morning of May 8, 2013 when he “entered into the joy of his Master” (as the service folder from the family memorial said it).

I remember Gem and I standing with family and friends at the graveside in Chatsworth as we were saying our farewells. As each of us walked by to drop a single rose on the casket, I remember thinking and praying, “Lord, would you help me live a life like Dallas lived?”

Dallas’s writing and speaking over the years was a source of wisdom, guidance and encouragement in the way of kingdom life in Jesus that I was seeking to cultivate for myself, my family and the communities I shepherded along the way. Becoming Dallas Willard has provided me some wonderful context and history to help me understand and appreciate even more Dallas’s teachings over the years.

I urge you to take a moment to purchase a copy for yourself. I can already tell that this is going to be one of the most important (and enjoyable) books I read in 2018.

Buy your copy on Amazon.com or IVPress.com

The post Becoming Dallas Willard: A Book Review appeared first on Unhurried Living.

Podcast: Dark Night of the Soul – How to Navigate God’s Apparent Absence

Engage with us as we talk about a dynamic that some will face in their spiritual journey, what John of the Cross called “The Dark Night of the Soul.” It sounds kind of ominous and scary, but it’s actually just a place where our faith is given an opportunity for testing and refining. That doesn’t mean it feels good to us, but it is a *good* place. A while back, Alan wrote an article about the dark night for our blog. It’s one of our most visited posts. That’s because when you find yourself in a place like this, there’s a great thirst for insight and help.

Subscribe on iTunes or Stitcher

Join us on Patreon!

Become a Patron

Those of you who listen to our podcast know that we are creating a worldwide conversation at the intersection of deeper spiritual life and broader personal influence. That’s what we mean by Unhurried Living.

In an age where hurry, distraction and busyness are rampant, we share a different message: Rest Deeper. Live Fuller. Lead Better.

We need your help to keep this work going–and to make it better. So we invite you to join us as a partner on Patreon.com.

We want to release the same high-caliber, high-value episodes to you, but with even more excellence. We want to create even more conversations, prayers, interviews and 5-minute retreats for a more gracious, thoughtful approach to your life.

Our podcast will always be free to all listeners, but by subscribing to Patreon you can help–your monthly subscription helps us grow our team, pay for the hard costs of producing our work, and makes it possible for us to spread our message globally. You can partner with us for as little as $1 a month.

Plus, depending on your subscription, you’ll get access to some resources and opportunities available only to our patron community, like:

A copy of our talking points and notes for each episode.
Access to a members only Patreon feed.
An extra 10-minute “inside track” after-episode podcast, where we unpack the podcast theme further.
Helping us choose topics and respond to questions for future episodes.
A 20% discount for all of Unhurried Living online courses.

Help us produce the work you already love–become a subscriber today. We thank you in advance for becoming a part of our community. So head on over to patreon.com/unhurriedliving and become a patron today!

The post Podcast: Dark Night of the Soul – How to Navigate God’s Apparent Absence appeared first on Unhurried Living.

How Deep is Your Desire for Wholeness?

Go wash your hands. Did you use the anti-bacterial soap? Take off your shoes, you’ll track mud in the house. Don’t forget to do the dishes. And the laundry is piling up…go ahead and put a load in.

Most of us care about being clean. Clean is good. Clean is healthy.

But what if you couldn’t get clean? Not just your house or your clothing, but your body…your self. What if you suffered from a condition that left you in a constant state of filth and embarrassment. What then?

You may be familiar with the encounter Jesus had with the bleeding woman in Mark 5:24-34. The woman had suffered for many years with constant bleeding and had a deep need for healing. She had spent all of her money on doctors to no avail. She was likely an outcast in her social circle. Her suffering came in many layers.

The woman wanted to be healed. She knew that if she touched the hem Jesus’ cloak, there was a good chance she could become clean. But she didn’t want to be seen. She didn’t want to call attention to herself. Her desire for wholeness, however, superseded her fear and she reached out in faith.

Her hope for anonymity was blown when Jesus asked, “Who touched my clothes?” She could have run away, but she was so overwhelmed by the fact that she was healed, she fell at his feet and shared with him what happened.

What followed were a few simple sentences of love, “Daughter, your faith has made you well. Go in peace. Your suffering is over.”

Jesus took the time to stop even though he was on his way to help a dying girl. This woman mattered to him. He gave her time, attention and value. Jesus met her on every level.

By calling her daughter, he showed a relationship of love.
By letting her know that her faith made her well, he gave her dignity and respect.
By sharing peace, he gave her his blessing.
By letting her know that her suffering was over, he showed that he was all powerful and able to heal.

It is the perfect encounter of healing and making someone clean and whole on every level.

This woman’s desperation and her belief in who Jesus was, caused her to overcome all of her barriers and reach out. How might you come to Jesus in this same way?

In what area of your life do you need the deepest healing?
In what area of your life do you feel the most unclean?
What is there about you that makes you want to hide?

What would it take for you to step forward in faith…to reach to Jesus for help or healing? Let the depth of your desire for wholeness propel you forward. And when you are ready…reach out.

The post How Deep is Your Desire for Wholeness? appeared first on Unhurried Living.

Podcast: Where Do You Take Your Thirsts?

Right now, we find ourselves in the season of Lent, and a few weeks ago, Alan wrote a blog post titled “Lent: An Invitation to True Satisfaction.” He said that, “In Lent, rather than aiming at acquisition, we aim for some form of openness or even empty space. Fasting results in empty stomachs. Self-denial can quiet our selfish ambition.”

But the “empty” here isn’t a vacuum. It is a welcoming of God’s presence. We open up space for God to be active in and through us. We seek to become quiet so that we can hear whatever He might wish to say.

It’s a season of noticing our thirsts, and then bringing our thirsts into the presence of God. A passage in the Bible that brings this into focus for us is Psalm 42. It’s a passage we want to talk about as we address our thirsts. We will also pray through Psalm 63 at the end of the episode and we invite you to join in the prayer from your own heart.

Subscribe on iTunes or Stitcher

Join us on Patreon!

Become a Patron

Those of you who listen to our podcast know that we are creating a worldwide conversation at the intersection of deeper spiritual life and broader personal influence. That’s what we mean by Unhurried Living.

In an age where hurry, distraction and busyness are rampant, we share a different message: Rest Deeper. Live Fuller. Lead Better.

We need your help to keep this work going–and to make it better. So we invite you to join us as a partner on Patreon.com.

We want to release the same high-caliber, high-value episodes to you, but with even more excellence. We want to create even more conversations, prayers, interviews and 5-minute retreats for a more gracious, thoughtful approach to your life.

Our podcast will always be free to all listeners, but by subscribing to Patreon you can help–your monthly subscription helps us grow our team, pay for the hard costs of producing our work, and makes it possible for us to spread our message globally. You can partner with us for as little as $1 a month.

Plus, depending on your subscription, you’ll get access to some resources and opportunities available only to our patron community, like:

A copy of our talking points and notes for each episode.
Access to a members only Patreon feed.
An extra 10-minute “inside track” after-episode podcast, where we unpack the podcast theme further.
Helping us choose topics and respond to questions for future episodes.
A 20% discount for all of Unhurried Living online courses.

Help us produce the work you already love–become a subscriber today. We thank you in advance for becoming a part of our community. So head on over to patreon.com/unhurriedliving and become a patron today!

The post Podcast: Where Do You Take Your Thirsts? appeared first on Unhurried Living.

Praying Scripture: A Spiritual Exercise

I love praying scripture. I love engaging with the Bible as a way of cultivating relationship with God. This has been true for me from my earliest days as a follower of Jesus. When I went forward at a Seawind concert in Sacramento in September 1978, I prayed to welcome Jesus into my heart. (It’s hard to believe that was nearly 40 years ago). I was then given a little green Gideon New Testament to read.

Unfortunately, Matthew 1 is a genealogy, which I didn’t find all that interesting. So it took a while before I decided the Bible was going to be of much interest to me. (It probably would have been good for someone to catch that little detail so they could warn us newcomers that the whole thing wasn’t a long list of names!)

Thankfully, I soon moved on to the story of Jesus, and then the story of the church, and then to letters written to the churches. It felt like ice cold water on a long hot Summer’s day. Refreshing!

It didn’t take me long before I realized there was something unique about this book. Something alive and dynamic. Before anyone told me I should, I found myself translating what I was reading into conversational language with God. I was praying the Scriptures. I still often do this today. Here, for example, is a recent journal entry in which the first few verses of Philippians guided my prayer one morning.

Praying Scripture

Paul and Timothy, servants of Christ Jesus,

            To all God’s holy people in Christ Jesus at Philippi, together with the overseers and deacons:

            Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.

            I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

Philippians 1:1-6

 And so I prayed:

Today, I remember that I am a servant of Jesus the Christ—the Messiah. I am a member of God’s holy family in Christ here in Orange county, California. I have been called to serve as a deacon, and soon as a priest in my Anglican family. (I was just ordained as a priest on Sunday, March 4). I am blessed to receive, together with all of God’s people, grace and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. I’m not alone on this journey.

I join Paul in giving thanks, always, for everyone and in everything. Gratitude is the atmosphere of the kingdom. Gratitude is exhaling the grace I inhale. And it feels so right! Enable me to breathe in your every generosity today, Father. Show me how to receive everything good so that I might be a blessing to others throughout this day.

I also want to walk through this day prayerfully. I so easily get caught up in my own stale, curved-inward thoughts. One of the ways I could enjoy freshness of mind and heart today is by living this day prayerfully. As always, prayer is not just a task I accomplish or a project I take on. Prayer is a Person with whom I am in loving, trusting conversation.

In All My Prayers

“In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy.” Pray with joy. I have sometimes prayed with boredom. I have sometimes prayed half-asleep. I do this when I forget what I’m doing and with whom I am speaking. Forgive me, Father.

The partnership I enjoy with other sons and daughters of God inspires me to pray with this sort of joy. I am living this day and doing my work in community. What a great gift!

Grow Paul’s confidence in me. Grant me courage, hope and resolve that all that I am doing—that we are doing together—is a fruit of Your good work in and through me. It is a work that You have not and will not give up on. There will come a day when I will be with you face to face and this good work will actually have been completed. I pray that day might come in good time!”

& & &

When I pray scripture like this, I feel the words come alive in me. I experience the grace these lines offer. I come to more deeply trust in and believe the truth of what they say. I hope you’ll give this little exercise a try yourself.

For Reflection:

Is there a passage you’ve recently read and appreciated that might guide you in conversation with God? Why not take a few moments to personalize those Scriptural lines into a personal way of praying scripture?

If you don’t know where to start, you might try these biblical prayers. They’re already in prayer language, but you could put in your own name, or the names of people you care about in your life.

Colossians 1:9-12

Philippians 1:9-11

Ephesians 3:16-19

You Might Also Enjoy

Praying Scripture (Gem)
How to Let Scripture Pray for You (Alan)
Praying Scripture Practice Tips (Bible Gateway)

The post Praying Scripture: A Spiritual Exercise appeared first on Unhurried Living.

Podcast: Copying a True Master – The Essence of Apprenticeship



A visit to a museum provides the backdrop for a conversation on what it means to be an apprentice to a master.

We made our way through quite a few rooms of the Hermitage. The interiors were jaw dropping, the paintings gorgeous. And, as Alan said, he had been there before, so he knew when we were nearing the original painting we were most looking forward to seeing, which was Rembrandt’s Prodigal Son. He gave me a brief warning as we turned the corner, “Get ready.” We rounded the corner and entered the room completely devoted to Rembrandt’s paintings. There it was, on its own wall, as we walked through the doorway. The original. Breathtaking. I waited a bit for the crowd to clear so I could get a close-up view for myself. A masterful work of art, depicting essential truths: The Father is waiting. He never gives up. He loves me. He is generous.

Join Gem and Alan as they share their experience of being in a room full of Remrandts.

Subscribe on iTunes or Stitcher

Join us on Patreon!

Become a Patron

Those of you who listen to our podcast know that we are creating a worldwide conversation at the intersection of deeper spiritual life and broader personal influence. That’s what we mean by Unhurried Living.

In an age where hurry, distraction and busyness are rampant, we share a different message: Rest Deeper. Live Fuller. Lead Better.

We need your help to keep this work going–and to make it better. So we invite you to join us as a partner on Patreon.com.

We want to release the same high-caliber, high-value episodes to you, but with even more excellence. We want to create even more conversations, prayers, interviews and 5-minute retreats for a more gracious, thoughtful approach to your life.

Our podcast will always be free to all listeners, but by subscribing to Patreon you can help–your monthly subscription helps us grow our team, pay for the hard costs of producing our work, and makes it possible for us to spread our message globally. You can partner with us for as little as $1 a month.

Plus, depending on your subscription, you’ll get access to some resources and opportunities available only to our patron community, like:

A copy of our talking points and notes for each episode.
Access to a members only Patreon feed.
An extra 10-minute “inside track” after-episode podcast, where we unpack the podcast theme further.
Helping us choose topics and respond to questions for future episodes.
A 20% discount for all of Unhurried Living online courses.

Help us produce the work you already love–become a subscriber today. We thank you in advance for becoming a part of our community. So head on over to patreon.com/unhurriedliving and become a patron today!

The post Podcast: Copying a True Master – The Essence of Apprenticeship appeared first on Unhurried Living.

Lessons in Distraction, Compulsion and a Busy Mind

At the beginning of Lent, Alan let you in on our plans for this season (aka, a surefire way to cause unwanted and unplanned media loss withdrawals). I’m kidding…but only a little. (If you didn’t read that post, you can see it on our website here.)

You would think, wouldn’t you, that people who run an organization called Unhurried Living wouldn’t have issues with cultural pressures like social media imagery envy or binge watching unnecessary shows on Netflix, right?

I want to clarify here that our choice is not simply about fasting from certain media or screens. It is about leaning into the process that Alan has been teaching for years: the difference between the cycle of Driven Achievement / Mind-Numbing Escape, and the cycle of Work is Given / Rest is Given. (See An Unhurried Life, chapter 7).

I thought I would give you a real-life update (including a confession) on my process in this first half of Lent.

Thursday, the day after Ash Wednesday, was our first real day of fasting from mind-numbing escape in the evening. Here are a few of the reasons I compulsively reached for, and then realized I had chosen not to reach for, my phone:

Text sons regarding dinner. (I had to walk upstairs and talk to them in person.)
Check the weather. (Had to wait until the next day to figure out what to wear.)
Take a photo of the lovely candles I lit for ambience while I read (Do I always have to be interesting and inspiring, even in mundane events like lighting candles? Too much pressure.)
Order a coloring book on Amazon. (That’ll help pass the time.)
Check the time. (Must solve the fact that my phone is my clock.)

Because I was nervous about having “nothing to do” but read in the evenings, I decided to move my workouts to just prior to dinner. (That’ll pass the time, I thought). Just this one small move has reinvigorated my entire day. I can move easily through my morning routine into my workflow, and before dinner I get to cardio-dance-it-up.

By Saturday after Ash Wednesday, the need for the phone seemed to quiet some, simply by unhooking from it for two evenings. And on Sunday, it wasn’t until the end of the day that I realized that I had not checked social media even once. I felt lighter inside. It turns out that all that mindless scrolling is not actually peaceful.

It was five days into Lent and I could report that my compulsive need for my phone had subsided greatly. For work, I still use my phone all day, but only as necessary. At night, my questions go unanswered (Who was that guy in that great movie from 1995? Who cares?). My vain need to be interesting for social media gets a rest. And I wait until the next morning to find out what the weather will be so I can decide what to wear.

Before you begin to think this all sounds too spiritual and easy, let me say that… you are correct.

The very next day Alan left for the Dominican Republic. I then promptly rationalized that I could not possibly keep the evenings media free without someone else in the house doing the same thing (in case you forgot, I am a busy minded extrovert). Alan’s grounding presence was removed, and I could not foresee continuing the process while he was gone.

So, you know how some say that you get one day off a week in Lent from your fast? Well, I took all of those days and smushed them together in Alan’s absence. Yes. I broke my Lenten fast for one week. Even as I write these words, I can feel the shame rising in my belly.

I really wish I could say that I am a paragon of self-control and that, as the days went by, I didn’t miss my mind-numbing escape. But I did.

At this point, half way through Lent, I am experiencing what I can only call withdrawal. Remember, at the beginning, I mentioned driven achievement and mind-numbing escape. It appears that I still struggle with this pattern. But Lent is like a huge flashlight shining a light into my soul. And a still, small voice is whispering, “Work is given. Rest is given.”

A couple of Sundays ago, our pastor gave an inspiring sermon about Lent. He said that it was good to narrow the focus of our lives for a bit, keeping it simple. He also said that it is good to have a “beginner’s mind” about things: no fear of mistakes; it’s ok to try things, fail and try again; there are no dumb questions, etc.

He said that Lent is really about creating space in our lives so that we can be the bearer of this alternative possibility: I am a beloved child of a redeeming God.

So, after all of my confessing, the real question is, will I continue creating this space in my life? And will I remember, under all of this, that I am a beloved child of a redeeming God?

Maybe it’s not perfection that is to be achieved in Lent–maybe it’s direction, intention, uncovering, confessing, failing, and trying again.

I am in the trying again part. If you have been struggling with your Lenten journey, it’s okay. No judgments here. Just pick it back up and try again. Let’s hear the wisdom again…

Lent is really about creating space in our lives so that we can be the bearer of this alternative possibility: I am a beloved child of a redeeming God. (Todd Hunter)

All jokes and confessions about Lent, social media, binge watching shows and phone addiction aside, I am choosing to create space in my life so that more of the goodness of God can sink in. I do actually long to be the bearer of this alternative possibility:

I am a beloved child of a redeeming God.

And so are you.

 

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

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