Alan Fadling's Blog, page 36

ICDT #47: Notice, Discern, Respond (A Journal Exercise)

Notice, discern and respond (NDR). Three simple words. And yet they take time and intention. Today’s I Can Do That! episode is like a mini-workshop. I’m not just going to chatter away at you. Instead, you can take action on a thought right now, as we move through this together.

 

This is about telling ourselves the truth. Critical, shaming or numbing thoughts do not help us mature the way we desire. We are simply becoming more aware of our thoughts so that they don’t run the show and keep us from engaging life the way we want to.

 

 

Connect with Gem on Instagram and learn more on the Unhurried Living website

Learn about and pre-order her new book, Hold That Thought: Sorting Through the Voices in Our Heads

God's Love is Foundational

Blog by Gem Fadling

In my upcoming book, Hold That Thought, I (Gem) suggest that we cannot engage thought work on its own. The foundation for it must be the love of God and our growing acceptance of that love.

 

We begin with the love of God. We can’t talk about love without first addressing God’s love, because God self-defines as love.

 

I want to talk especially to those of you who might struggle a bit with the idea of a loving God, as well as to those of you who might struggle with believing you are worthy of love.

 

I know there are many people who have been wounded or traumatized by family or friends or the church, and in some ways even having this conversation might be a struggle. I hear you, I see you, and I’m sorry for the wounds you bear.

 

My early image of God was of an old, white-bearded man in the sky who I was trying to please by doing all the right things as he barked orders from on high. God was a distant entity who I tried to draw close to me for love. This is a narrow and stark description, I  know, but it has been hard to shake. Even after all these years, that former version likes to stalk me periodically, but this is not the image of God I want to focus on.

 

In my current season of life, I have grown to rely on three holy assumptions:

 

God is real.
God is love.
God is not elsewhere.

 

I enter into this conversation with as much humility as I can muster. I have to admit that I don’t know everything there is to know about God. This actually brings me great comfort because it means all the shallow ways I have tried to understand and embrace God can become deeper, more enriched, and all-encompassing.

 

I allow myself to engage the fullness of God’s love in all its bold, sacrificial richness and without any hint of shallow, syrupy, head-in-the-sand notions.

 

One of my favorite phrases from the book of Acts is “In him we live and move and have our being” (17:28). This describes a relational oneness that already exists. We’re not trying to coerce a distant God to do anything.

 

God is as close as the air we breathe. We are swimming in an ocean of God’s love. We’re like a fish who couldn’t tell you what water is. All we know is this: love sustains our existence.

 

When we want to reaffirm what love really looks like, we need look no further than Jesus and his model of love. Jesus makes all of this real. Jesus gives us a vision for what’s possible as a human being. He was always stopping for the wounded, the hurting, the outcast. He continually taught about diving below the surface of things into the heart. He modeled the process of dying, waiting, and rising so we would know we’re not alone. This is the Jesus Way.

 

This is the foundational, grand love I’m talking about. A crucial part of our inner work is to remain open to this love one small step at a time. You are always and deeply loved, without question and without reservation. This love can change you from the inside out.

 

Reflection

 

If you haven’t already done so, memorize this phrase from Acts 17:28: “In [God] we live and move and have our being.”
This week, read or say that aloud to yourself at least once a day.
While you say it, take a deep breath and envision the air as love itself.
Take note of how this influences your confidence and value.

 

P.S. Hold That Thought releases on 9/20/22. You can pre-order now and receive some fun freebies from me!

 

This post is adapted from Episode #7 of the I Can Do That Podcast.

ICDT #46: You Already Have What You Need

 

Over the last few years I’ve been consoled many times by this phrase: you already have what you need. It comes straight from 2 Peter 1:3 and the Spirit reminded me of its power during a particularly stressful season. It’s now an ongoing life-paradigm for me.

I thought it might be nice if we spent a little time in 2 Peter, lingering over these words slowly. Savoring them like a fine chocolate.

By his divine power, God has given us everything we need for living a godly life. We have received all of this by coming to know him, the one who called us to himself by means of his marvelous glory and excellence. (2 Peter 1:3) .

Prayer: Getting Out of Our Ruts

Blog by Alan Fadling

There are times when I feel like I’m in a rut in my way of praying. Holy habits are good things. Ruts are when I’m on autopilot and have moved into disconnected ways of praying. I wonder if any of the following ruts sound familiar to you.

 

More Monologue than Dialogue 

I forget that prayer is a relationship and that relationships are conversational. When I pray, it helps to allow space for silence and listening. I don’t fill the air with an endless barrage of words, making the mistake of assuming that more words equals better prayer. I don’t reduce prayer to reciting my laundry list of wants and needs. In fact, some of the most mature pray-ers I know don’t use many words when they pray in public.

 

More Me-Focused than God-Focused 

In An Unhurried Leader I write, “Perhaps that sounds like an odd thing to say. Isn’t prayer, by definition, my saying something to God, asking something of him? Isn’t prayer God-oriented in its very essence? I suppose that’s true, but my prayers can sometimes become more focused on my worries than on seeking my faithful and trustworthy heavenly Father. Prayer has sometimes become only a self-centered admission of my shortcomings, line crossings, and failures without an honest entering into the presence of one who delights to show mercy (Mic 7:18) and longs to be gracious (Is 30:18). My requests can become half-hearted, self-deprecating hopes rather than humble, confident requests of a more-than-generous Father” (p. 150).

 

Meaningless Spontaneity and Meaningful Repetition

Maybe you’re thinking that the word "repetition” sounds like a rut. My evangelical background taught me to question the written prayers that were used in other traditions. I was often warned about the great danger of meaningless repetition, but I never remember being warned about meaningless spontaneity (which I’ve prayed a lot of) or being told about meaningful repetition. Spontaneity sometimes becomes a sort of religious run-on sentence without much meaning.

 

Here are a few resources that have helped me engage in meaningful repetition:

 

Psalms

I’ve come to deeply treasure the richness of praying the psalms, which over time obviously becomes repetitive since there are only 150 of them! Praying through the psalms can be a wonderful way to increase your prayer vocabulary. Read Psalm 136 aloud. You’ll find yourself saying the exact same line twenty-six times. Praying the psalms can also help you express deep emotions and heartfelt praise to God when you don’t seem to have your own words.

 

Prayer Books  

I also appreciate prayer books from certain Christian traditions. If you would like to explore one of the prayer book traditions as a means of enriching your life of prayer, here are a few that I’ve used:

 

Phyllis Tickle, The Divine Hours:  Prayers for Summertime  (for June through September);  Prayers for Springtime  (for February through May and the Lenten/Easter season); and  Prayers for Autumn and Wintertime  (for October through January and the Advent/Christmas season)
Celtic Daily Prayer: Prayers and Readings From the Northumbria Community
A Guide to Prayer for Ministers and Other Servants from Upper Room Books. Provides 56 weeks of prayer guides with Scripture and spiritual readings, and 12-day retreat resources. Two additional volumes are available:  A Guide to Prayer for All Who Seek God  and  A Guide to Prayer for All Who Walk With God .
The Book of Common Prayer. The current edition in use in the Episcopal church is from 1979. I now use the 2019 revision by the Anglican Church in North America. You can learn more about using the Book of Common Prayer (2019) for daily prayer from this YouTube video.

 

For Reflection:

Of the ruts I described, which one resonates most with you?
Is there an insight or an invitation in this post that God may be extending to help you find your way out of that rut?

 

Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

ICDT #45: Engaging Your God-Given Voice

 

In the early part of my life I'd like to think that I was a relatively functional and intelligent participant in my own life. And I was. I got married, I held down a job, and we began a family. I enjoyed a large community and a wonderful life. 

However, under the surface, I didn't really have access to my own, individual voice. There was a kind of holy confidence missing. Self-doubt and anxiety often ruled the day. And I knew little of boundaries.

I now enjoy a major shift of focus. I know who I am in God and a holy confidence has emerged. I feel more solid inside because I stand more firmly on who God says I am. My confidence comes from him. This holy confidence feels like being in flow most of the time.

Sure, I still struggle just like all of us do in day-to-day ways. However, in a central place inside myself I stand in this holy confidence. And I move forward in flow. 

There is obviously more to the story here. How did I get from there to here? Well, I unpack all of this more in today’s episode.

 

Connect with Gem on Instagram and learn more on the Unhurried Living website

Learn about and pre-order her new book, Hold That Thought: Sorting Through the Voices in Our Heads

Signs You Might be Exhausted

Blog by Gem Fadling

I’m wondering if you’re wondering why I’m taking the time to describe the symptoms of exhaustion. You likely know firsthand what it feels like to be exhausted. But this idea arose a few weeks ago when someone asked me about the symptoms of being overwhelmed.

 

It got me thinking about how sometimes we continue to function on autopilot or run on fumes and we don’t take time to notice how absolutely exhausted or overwhelmed we are. We continue to push through because we don’t feel we have a choice.

 

I acknowledge that life circumstances may come into play here. For example, taking care of oneself falls dramatically to the bottom of the list for those who are single parents.

 

Many of us, however, forget that we indeed have a choice. We are not good at taking time to first notice how we feel and to then care for ourselves once we recognize our exhaustion. We tend to put other people’s feelings, schedules, and needs ahead of our own.

 

It’s easy to miss hints that you might need to ease up and rest, so today I want to briefly list a few symptoms that may reveal your level of tiredness:

 

You find yourself complaining a lot. Everything bugs you.
You have a decreased ability to concentrate. Brain fog is diminishing your focus.
You have a shorter fuse. You notice your angry outbursts are increasing or intensifying.
You find that your creativity is waning. The well feels dried up.
You find that your numbing habits are increasing (e.g., eating, drinking, shopping, media consumption).

 

This is not an exhaustive list, and it is intended to be anecdotal, not prescriptive. Even though there may be a cluster of reasons you are experiencing these symptoms, tiredness is usually one of them.

 

So, what can you do if you you’re experiencing any of the dynamics we’re talking about? You may have guessed that there isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution. Some of us might have deeper issues at play, and the season of life we’re in usually imposes certain demands. But for general exhaustion, we’d like to offer some ideas that might aim you in the right direction.

 

Notice that not all of these ideas address physical exhaustion. Sometimes what we experience is mental or emotional exhaustion, and these need to be dealt with in their own way. Here’s our “rest and refresh” list:

 

Take a nap.
Stroll in beauty.
Practice breath prayer. This is where you say a phrase on your inhale and another on your exhale. A great example is this: on the inhale say, “The Lord is my shepherd,” and on the exhale say, “I have everything I need.”
Unpack your thoughts and feelings with a trusted, safe friend.
Move your body. This one can help with mental exhaustion. Get out of your own head and move.
Pause and take three deep breaths, focusing on the exhale.
Journal your thoughts and feelings.
Listen to soothing or inspiring music.
Begin taking a weekly sabbath rest.
Engage your favorite creative hobby.
Practice contemplative prayer.

 

The list could go on. The main idea here is to do what brings you real rest. Rest of body, mind, and soul. What does that look like for you?

 

Give yourself permission to engage these restful behaviors often—and I mean often. Here’s a pattern that might help: small practices daily, medium-sized practices weekly, and large practices monthly.

 

Bless yourself and others with the gift of a rested and refreshed version of you. It will truly make a difference.

 

Reflection 

Identify which symptom of exhaustion you might be experiencing right now.
Acknowledge how tired you are and grant yourself some grace by saying, “I see you.”
Choose one idea from the “rest and refresh” list and try it on this week.

 

This won’t magically erase your exhaustion, but it will be a nice step toward caring for yourself. If you keep at this, you can begin to turn the tide toward becoming a more rested and sustainable version of yourself.

 

 

Photo by Abbie Bernet on Unsplash

ICDT #44: You Are More Than Your Thoughts

 

Today I want to talk to you about thoughts. For me, it all began with this classic insight: You are not your thoughts. You have thoughts. The first time I heard this I, of course, understood every single word. And yet it seemed like a foreign concept to me. What do you mean I'm not my thoughts? They're in my head, it's my voice, of course it's me!

 

Another way of saying this is: You are more than your thoughts. You have thoughts. But you are not your thoughts. This is such a freeing insight. Because it means you have the choice to move toward objectivity when you notice certain thoughts floating through your brain. Especially the unhelpful ones.

 

Please tell me I'm not the only one that has unhelpful thoughts. Anxiety-producing, control-enacting, fear-inducing, judgment-oriented thoughts. These are not my best move, but isn’t it easy to slide into these dynamics?

Once I understood that I was not my thoughts and that I have thoughts, I realized I was able to make a choice. But this is harder than it looks. Sure, I could make a choice, but there are many steps between where I am now and a whole new way of behaving.

My First Experience of Unhurried Time with God

Blog by Alan Fadling

I’ve often shared the story of my first experience of solitude and silence at the beginning of 1990. It was led by one of my mentors, Wayne Anderson, as part of a class I was taking at Fuller Seminary. I tell a little of that story in An Unhurried Life (see p. 20ff), but I have never shared the full journal entry from that day until now. It is page 1 of my journal, which currently in mid-2022 runs over 11,000 pages.

 

That journal has captured my attempt to practice a long obedience in the same direction through unhurried time with God. I hope this entry encourages you in your own practice of following Jesus into lonely places to pray (see Luke 5:16). (Note: I’ve used only first names, and in some cases I’ve changed those names for reasons of privacy.)

 

An Unhurried Day

 

January 19, 1990. Yesterday was our Extended Personal Communion time with the Lord. We met out at a church in Whittier. It was an incredible day. Chris was able to join me for the day. It was good to talk with him on the one-hour drive there and back (more about that later).

 

We started the day with some instruction from Wayne Anderson out of John 10--the Good Shepherd passage. It was gold! The three main points were (1) that we know Jesus in the same way that Jesus knows the Father, (2) that we listen to Jesus’s voice, and (3) that we follow Jesus. It is so simple and yet so perspective-changing.

 

One of the challenges of the day was to take 75 minutes to "be alone with Jesus." It was not a time for Bible study or intercessory prayer, which are great and necessary, but a time for just being open to Jesus. We were to listen to Him and be open to what He might wish to bring to our hearts and minds.

 

I started out by just walking for the first 10 or 15 minutes. I didn't have many thoughts in my mind, but I just occasionally said in my heart that I was open to hear what Jesus might want to say. After walking quite a while, I sensed that Jesus was saying to talk with Chris about my past struggles with lust. He wanted me to share according to James 5:16 ("confess," "pray," "be healed"), and He wanted me to start from the beginning and share right up to the present.

 

At first, the idea of sharing these things with Chris seemed a bit much, and I wrestled with God. I wasn't very willing to do it. I allowed the thought to go away, but it just kept coming back. It seemed that Jesus was intent on my making a confession. He also seemed to say that I need to tell my friend Mike.

 

Another thought that came to my mind were the words "stop running." It seemed to me that this was Jesus trying to show me how I have been trying to run away from Him over the last few months. I felt unwelcome and so I was running away from God. Unhurried time learns to rest in the Presence.

 

After walking for a while, I lay down in some grass that covered the hillside. As I was lying there, a very vivid thought picture came to my mind. It seemed that I heard the sentence "I come to God with my ears plugged when I pray." As I thought more about it, I could picture myself in the past coming to God with my massive prayer list and rattling it off to Him, as if He didn't already know about these things. I saw that most of my praying recently has been a monologue, not a dialogue.

 

Finally, one last picture that I saw in my mind was that of a spinning bowl. The thought seemed to be that the bowl was the world, and that the centrifugal force of the spinning bowl was driving me away from Jesus at the center of the bowl. Jesus seemed to be inviting me to the center. As I interpreted this thought throughout the day, it seemed that the walls of the bowl were all of the things that I've been doing to "keep busy for God."

 

Sharing My Story of Unhurried Time

 

As the day ended, we left the church and headed for home. I was slow to tell Chris about what Jesus asked of me during solitude because of my pride and fear. After letting Chris share a little about his experience of the day, I finally told him what Jesus had told me. I shared in detail my struggle with lust from junior high to the present day. I wasn't quite sure how he was responding, and I began to feel very nervous.

 

When I was all done confessing to Chris, he shared how encouraging it was to hear about my struggle. He shared that he felt less alone in some of his own struggles. I felt affirmed in the word that Jesus had spoken to me in that Extended Personal Communion (EPC). We prayed on the freeway and welcomed Jesus's forgiveness. It was great.

 

Ripples in the Pond

 

That night, we had a "Surprise Event" planned by the college group activities team. It was a time for four or five students to go to dinner together. There were sharing questions given to each group to allow for some relationship building. I had many opportunities to share with some students what Jesus had given me.

 

First, Tracie and Juris were at church when I arrived. I began to share with them some of the basic lessons that I had relearned that day. As I shared, I could see their eyes beginning to light up as the truths hit home for them too.

 

I felt differently as I was with students at the activity. I felt as though there was a spring [of water] inside of me that I wanted to share with others. It seemed that I had something to give away. Just one week earlier, I would have avoided people and "done my job." Last night, I wanted to listen and share and minister to students. I felt genuinely refreshed.

 

Later that night, my group included Kirk and Greg. After we finished going through the sharing questions, Stacey and Kristen, the two women in our group, excused themselves. I shared with Kirk and Greg some of the lessons I had learned, and I could see lights coming on in their eyes. It was making sense to them also.

 

I was able to share these thoughts with about a dozen students in my home after the event (they stayed until 2:30 a.m.). Although the response wasn't as strong as it was with Tracie and Juris, or Kirk and Greg, I could still tell that it was hitting home with some.

 

The next day, at Dave's party, I got to talking with Sharon, and she shared about how she has had a couple of draining weeks. She has felt empty and in conflict with people. I was again able to share some of Jesus's lessons to me, and I challenged her to set aside 10 minutes a day just to listen to Jesus. I challenged her to write any thoughts that came to her. I asked her to be open to Jesus. She took the challenge. Jesus, teach her to be open to You. Help her to discern Your voice through unhurried time in your presence.

 

I feel as though the Lord is allowing openings to develop inside the hearts of a lot of Cornerstone students. His timing seems to be perfect. A lot of students are experiencing tiredness, frustration, conflicts, and emptiness. We will be looking at prayer from Jesus's perspective over the next three weeks in the Sunday lessons. Instead of burdening them with shoulds and ought-tos, I intend to share what Jesus gave me on Friday. Jesus, please bring revival to the hearts of these students—my friends. It seems that You are ready to bring refreshment and revival to many hearts.

 

Jesus, I praise You for how good you have been to me. I don't deserve anything that You have done, but then that is the point of grace. I'm beginning to see that You are a good Lord, and I am simply a servant. You are the potter and I am the clay. Thank You for being so good to me, Lord. I'm grateful for the gift of unhurried time in Your presence.

 

If you'd like to experiment with having Unhurried Time with God like this, we have a resource to help you: "An Unhurried Time Guide." (Click the link to access it).

 

For Reflection:

When might you find some time to be alone and quiet in God’s presence in the spirit of today’s story? (Please do take advantage of the “Unhurried Time Guide” mentioned above.)

 

Photo by Alex Blăjan on Unsplash

ICDT #43: The Burden of Control

 

Picture this...you are at the gym and you’re getting ready to lift some weights. It’s been a while, but you’ve decided to go for it. The barbell is in your hands and you are prepared to lift it up over your head.

 

But before you do so, a guy walks over to you and says, “I bet you can lift more than that. Here, let me help you.” You protest, but he insists and then he proceeds to add 20 more pounds to each side. And then he just walks away, no cheering you on, and no coaching.

 

You try to lift the barbell but it won’t budge. What you thought was going to be a profitable time of exercise just turned into a dead-weight hit and run that stalls your workout.

 

The dynamic of control is like those extra 40 pounds--extra, unnecessary weight. Control can take an otherwise regular situation and turn it into an un-liftable challenge.

 

And the irony is that we are that guy who added the extra weight. We do it to ourselves!

 

Bearing up under the weight of control takes its toll. We find we are unable to keep going while carrying the world on our shoulders. Much of the stress in our lives is caused by expectations, as well as trying to control situations so they turn out the way we think they should.

 

What would it look like to give up control?

UL Podcast #223: Control is Not Leadership

 

We are continuing our series on Alan's book, What Does Your Soul Love? .  Today we are talking about the chapter on "Control.” The core question around which this chapter revolves is this: “What Are You Clinging To?” In a conversation with friends on the topic of control in leadership, they tackle the idea that leadership and control are not the same thing. 

 

Many of the ways in which Christian leaders want to influence others are not exactly controllable. You can’t control people in the same way you might be able to control things. And when our leadership happens in the context of God’s kingdom, we might want to ask what effect our attempts to take control have in light of God’s presence and power.