Luna Carruthers's Blog, page 5

How do I find a bedroom-only Dominant?

Full Question: I want to be submissive sexually but equal in day-to-day life. How to find a partner? Answer: The term you’re likely going to be using more readily while you search for a partner is “bedroom-only” submissive. And your partner would then be a “bedroom-only” Dominant. This type of relationship is more common than […]

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Advice for Newly Discovered Submission in a Committed Relationship

Full Question: Do you have any advice for someone already in a committed relationship (marriage, for example) who discovers that she is submissive or at least has submissive tendencies? Until this discovery, the sex was mostly vanilla with very light choking play occasionally (so my partner MIGHT have some interest). Answer: I have lived this […]

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Solo Coaching – The Power of “No”: Honoring Yourself as a Submissive

Saying 'no' is a powerful act of self-respect, even in submission. Learn how to honor yourself, set boundaries, and embrace the empowerment that comes with maintaining autonomy as a submissive.

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Is being a brat a turn off for Dominants?

Full Question: I like to be a brat sometimes. Is that a turn-off for the Doms in general? A lot of them don’t like brats. Answer: Being a brat in the BDSM community is a unique and valid role within the spectrum of submission. It’s not a turn-off for all Dominants; in fact, many Doms […]

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The Transformative Benefits of Journaling for Submissives

Initially published 1/14/2009. Updated 12/17/2025. As submissives, we constantly learn and explore ourselves and the activities that bring us closer to our inner peace. We question our thoughts, ask deep questions, and look for answers. It’s part of what makes us so amazing, right? We are fueled by the passion to submit and serve. While […]

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What role is a primary partner in poly D/s?

Full Question: In a polyamorous D/s dynamic, can play partners be a primary partner? Or should it be someone who is serving the Dominant? Answer: In a polyamorous D/s dynamic, the roles and relationships can be quite fluid and are often defined by the individuals involved based on their needs, desires, and agreements. Play partners

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What are some ways to satisfy your need to submit if you aren’t with a Dominant?

Full Question: What are some ways to satisfy your need to submit if you aren’t with a Dominant? Answer:  I do believe that you can feel submissive without a Dominant, but it’s not easy. There are things you can do to help focus submissive energy in almost everything you do. First, there is no direct

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What can I do to help me focus on my submission and scene time?

Full Question: Everything is distracting. What can I do to help me focus on my submission and scene time? Answer:  Distractions can be a challenge, but with some mindful strategies, you can improve your concentration and presence. Here’s some advice to help you stay centered and connected no matter what’s going on around you: Mind

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Do the Dominant’s desires and satisfaction come first?

Full Question: Do the Dominant’s desires and satisfaction come first? Are their needs and desires the main goal of submission? Answer:  I can really relate to this question. When I first started exploring submission, I believed that it was my duty/calling/job to make sure my Dominant’s needs and desires were always fulfilled, often to the

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Is a 4 to 5-hour first play session ideal?

Full Question: Hello, I am relatively new to the lifestyle at 50 and have been in contact with my Dominant for about 1 year, mainly through messaging and calls. We have met in real life once before. We have arranged to meet for a play in a few weeks. My Dom has suggested a time

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