Luna Carruthers's Blog, page 40

November 8, 2015

lunaKM’s Weekend Reflections

Hi folks,

One week into Nanowrimo and I’m behind. I expected to be a bit behind just due to the time limitations I have, the poor wrists (which are still holding up, thankfully), and motivation. Yeah that last one is the kicker. Tuesday I had a migraine and Wednesday I was recovering so I missed a big chunk of valuable writing time in that. But, I’m pushing hard this weekend and I hope to be less behind by Tuesday. As of the end of Saturday I have written 7300 words. The target for the same time frame was 11500. So it’s not bad, right?

Don’t forget you can get all Submissive Ebooks for 25% off this month to help support my efforts.

Join the growing list of supporters and fans!
Next Goal: Monthly Webinars – I’m so close to this goal!!
I work hard to write and produce the content and I don’t ask for much in return. Supporting the site is a small way you can show me that you appreciate my efforts. If you love what Submissive Guide provides, the site has helped you in some way or you just feel that you want to support a positive influence in the BDSM and D/s communities you can now become a patron of Submissive Guide through Patreon.com! For as little as $3 US a month you can show your support and help me reach goals to bring this site into the next level of service and content creation.Check out my page on Patreon.com and become a fan of Submissive Guide!

Now for the week in review:
This Week on Submissive Guide

This section highlights the articles posted this week on Submissive Guide and other updates to the blog, if any.

Nanowrimo and Annual Ebook Sale
Week-long series by Kayla Lords:
Entering the Community: Finding Other Local Kinksters Using Online Resources
Entering the Community: The Different Ways to Socialize with Local Kinksters
Entering the Community: Understanding and Following General Protocols in Public
Entering the Community: Who You’ll Meet and What to Expect at a Munch
Entering the Community: Who You’ll Meet and What You Can Expect at a Play Party/BDSM Dungeon

If you’d like to stay up to date with articles on Submissive Guide, please subscribe to the feed.

Ask lunaKM Advice Column

The advice column where I try my best to help you with your questions and personal situation challenges.

none

Ask your question, anonymously, to get a chance for me to answer your question on the site.

Dug Out from the Archives

Let’s dig into the archives and reconsider some of the older articles on Submissive Guide that you may have missed.

In 2014: A Day in the Life: WKslittleone
In 2013: 30 Days of Submission: Day 8 – Corporal Punishment
In 2012: Ask lunaKM – Adding D/s to the Bedroom
In 2011: Ask SehAnru | Communicating kinky needs to a vanilla partner
In 2010: Purging Your Emotional Garbage Can Will Prepare You Better for Service

Browse the categories to see what else is on the site.

Recent Journal Prompts

Submissive Journal Prompts is a thinking prompt and quote site that can help you with topics for your journal or your own thinking.

There is a strong power that can be gained through surrender. It is not a power that comes from manipulation or passive-aggressive control over another person. Instead, it is a peaceful, internal power that fills the heart and soul of the slave who recognizes the pleasure that quiet obedience gives to an Owner.
Do you ever find you enjoy the service just for the service’s sake?
“You have to get past the pleasure stage, until you reach the stage of tears.” -Pauline Reage, The Story of O
Subscribe to Submissive Journal Prompts to get them as they are released!

Featured Podcast of the Week – Kink in the Chain

Season 2 Episode 14 – Kink in the Chain Podcast

4 Nov 2015, 4:35pm GMT

→ Kink in the Chain Podcast

Season 2 Episode 14 This week, I discuss a the differences between play relationships and relationships, I read a listener comment from the last show, and I answer the questions below: I’m brand new to the community and the lifestyle. What are some things that I can do so that people take me seriously? What […] The post Season 2 Episode 14 appeared first on Kink in the Chain Podcast.

MP3 audio (31MB, 34min)

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Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

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Published on November 08, 2015 10:00

November 6, 2015

Entering the Community: Who You’ll Meet and What You Can Expect at a Play Party/BDSM Dungeon

Welcome to part five in this week’s series all about how to help you feel more comfortable entering and becoming a part of the local BDSM community. Some of the best education I’ve received as a submissive, especially on the different ways other people live the D/s life, have been from people in my local area. Attending a munch, going to a play party, or just hanging out online and observing conversations and interactions is a great way to learn and have your eyes opened to other viewpoints and experiences.

T oday, let’s talk about who you can expect to meet and what you can expect to happen when you attend a BDSM Dungeon.

Unlike attending a munch, which is very vanilla and very relaxed, going to a private play party or a local BDSM dungeon is a bit different.

The people are both the same and not the same as those you met at the munch. The rules are different. Your expectations should be a little different, too.

Either way, it’s not as scary as you think it is.

Note: Every party or dungeon is different. Some are invitation only. Others require sponsorship or membership. There might be a cover charge that you’ll need to pay. If you’re unsure, ask before you go.

Who You’ll Meet at the Dungeon

Many (but not all) of the people you meet at the munch are similar to those you’ll meet at the dungeon. In my area, the biggest play party of the month is the same night as the munch. The same people tend to go to both, but not always. It’s often easier to go to the party which probably won’t begin until 9:00 p.m. or later than it is to get an afternoon off to go to the munch.

The faces may be different, but the types of people will be similar.

Dominants, submissives, switches, newbies, Old Guard, male, female, transgender, straight, gay – BDSM is a pretty inclusive lifestyle, and there’s no telling who’s kinky in your local community.

Many people will be in their fetish gear. Some will arrive in street clothes and change before joining the group. You’ll see all manners of dress. Corsets, leather pants, no pants, men in women’s clothing, women in almost no clothing. My very first trip to a BDSM dungeon included the sight of two submissive women with their breasts on display the entire time they were there. It was definitely an eye-opening experience.

What You Can Expect at the Dungeon

In a previous post, I talked about rules and protocols. Here is where you’ll see a higher protocol than you might be used to. Every club, dungeon, and party has its own rules and expectations. When you’re new, you should be told what the rules are or given the information about how to find them. If that information isn’t immediately shared, ask.

No one should expect perfection when you’re new. If you make a mistake and break a rule (like talking to a submissive without their Dominant’s permission), simply apologize and correct the mistake. Yes, there are assholes even in the kink community and someone might make an issue out of it. When in doubt, ask a dungeon master what you should do.

There should be a social area you can hang out in. It may or may not be adjacent to where others are playing or having scenes. If it is, keep your voice down a bit. It’s not polite or safe to break the concentration of people in a scene – someone could get hurt.

Depending on the rules of the club or party, you may see full nudity, sexual penetration, and other intensely sexual and private moments. Don’t be completely surprised by it. It might not be your thing, but if it’s allowed and the dungeon master believes it’s safe, either ignore it or enjoy the show.

Remember, everyone’s experience at a dungeon or party is unique to them. Go in with an open mind, a willingness to learn and follow the rules, and a polite demeanor, and you’ll be fine. You might even walk away with a few new tricks to try in your next scene or (if you’re like me) a willingness to scene in front of everyone the next time you go.

Entering the Community Series

Part 1: Finding Other Local Kinksters Using Online Resources

Part 2: Socializing with Kinksters

Part 3: Understanding and Following General Protocols in Public

Part 4: Who You’ll Meet and What to Expect at a Munch

Part 5: Who You’ll Meet and What to Expect at a BDSM/Dungeon Play Party

Image via Creative Commons (Google Images)

View more on Luna Carruthers's website »

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Published on November 06, 2015 07:00

November 5, 2015

Entering the Community: Who You’ll Meet and What to Expect at a Munch

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Welcome to part four in this week’s series all about how to help you feel more comfortable entering and becoming a part of the local BDSM community. Some of the best education I’ve received as a submissive, especially on the different ways other people live the D/s life, have been from people in my local area. Attending a munch, going to a play party, or just hanging out online and observing conversations and interactions is a great way to learn and have your eyes opened to other viewpoints and experiences.

T oday, let’s talk about who you can expect to meet and what you can expect to happen when you attend a munch.

There are two types of people I know when it comes to attending a munch:

People who are terrified to go – afraid of being alone, ignored, or feeling like an outsider
People who used to feel that way until they actually attended a few munches

Everyone is nervous the first they attend their first meet-up with kinksters. I was lucky that Southern Sir was with me for my first munch. He knew most of the people, and I didn’t feel completely alone. That being said, he did make me attend my first coffee time alone, and I broke down in tears as I drove away because I was so nervous about being new.

Both times, the Saturday afternoon munch and the mid-week evening “coffee time,” I was greeted and accepted by someone who was friendly. At the munch, it was the organizer who is now a personal friend. At the coffee time, it was another submissive who remembered what it was like to be new.

I know there are some exceptions to this, but by and large, when you go to your first munch, you will be greeted by friendly people.

Who You’ll Meet at a Munch

Let me dispel the first myth about who you’ll meet.

Everyone is going to look like a completely average, completely normal human being. You won’t be able to tell most of the people apart from the vanilla patrons. If someone on staff doesn’t know to send you in a specific direction (or a back room), you might not even find them right away.

You won’t automatically be able to tell the Dominants from the submissives or switches. You won’t see a lot of obvious signs of the lifestyle. You might see submissives wearing collars. Some people are completely out. Others are not.

This is a time for a more relaxed protocol. Feel free to introduce yourself. Only a total jerk will think you shouldn’t speak to them because they’re a Dominant or their partner is a submissive.

What You Can Expect at a Munch

Don’t worry that you’re not kinky enough or involved in BDSM enough to attend.

It’s just a bunch of people sitting around, usually eating lunch or drinking a coffee, and hanging out. From my experience, we do get into conversations about sex or kink – something that may not happen in a gathering of your vanilla friends – but other than that, it’s simply people talking to one another.

We talk about work. We talk about children. We talk about what business opened up or closed down in town. We talk about the weather.

At my munch, we have a few people who work at adult toy stores, and they talk about that. Hearing someone ask about a specific vibrator or flogger isn’t unusual, but it’s not exactly a required topic, either.

Depending on your local area, you might also have designated times to discuss topics in the lifestyle. Sometimes it’s a speaker that comes in to share a presentation. It could just be an open discussion with a question thrown out for everyone to consider. Submissives and Dominants alike are encouraged to share their opinion. Protocol is low, but being polite is always a good thing.

A munch is like any other social gathering. People are people no matter where you are. Someone’s going to be on a diet. Someone’s going to be starving and order an absolutely huge meal. Someone will be a picky eater, and someone else probably won’t eat at all.

It’s not any different from a book club, a garden club, college friends, or a group of moms getting together after a trip to the park with one exception. Kink and BDSM are completely acceptable topics.

It’s normal to be nervous. Go anyway. You never know who you’ll meet or what you’ll learn. But one thing is certain, you’ll never know until you try.

Entering the Community Series

Part 1: Finding Other Local Kinksters Using Online Resources

Part 2: Socializing with Kinksters

Part 3: Understanding and Following General Protocols in Public

Part 4: Who You’ll Meet and What to Expect at a Munch

Part 5: Who You’ll Meet and What to Expect at a BDSM/Dungeon Play Party

Image via Kozzi

View more on Luna Carruthers's website »

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Published on November 05, 2015 07:00

November 4, 2015

Entering the Community: Understanding and Following General Protocols in Public

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Welcome to part three in this week’s series all about how to help you feel more comfortable entering and becoming a part of the local BDSM community. Some of the best education I’ve received as a submissive, especially on the different ways other people live the D/s life, have been from people in my local area. Attending a munch, going to a play party, or just hanging out online and observing conversations and interactions is a great way to learn and have your eyes opened to other viewpoints and experiences.

T oday, let’s talk about how to act in public when you’re with kinky people.

First, remember that every place and every situation is a little different. BDSM dungeons and clubs may have very specific rules for how they expect Dominants/tops and submissives/bottoms to behave. You also need to remember that whatever rules and protocols your Dominant has set for you still apply.

Before you get yourself stressed out that you’re never going to remember all the rules or you’re going to embarrass yourself, remember this one thing:

Just be polite.

If you remember no other protocol once you walk through the door and are faced with a mix of Dominants and submissives, remember that.

Munches, Meet-Ups, Coffees – Low Protocol

The least stressful time you can have with your kinky peeps is in a vanilla setting. This is a time for everyone to come together just to hang out and get to know one another. You need to blend in so you don’t freak out the non-kinky among you, but you still need to remember who you are.

Follow whatever rules your Dominant has set for you. When Southern Sir and I are out at a restaurant, it’s my job to prepare his coffee once it’s served. Most servers don’t even notice, but every once in a while, one gets confused and thinks they gave coffee to the wrong person. Nope, this is just my rule. He doesn’t remind me, and I don’t mention it. I just do what I’m supposed to do.
When in doubt, let your Dominant introduce you to people. Or, if you know the person organizing the munch or meet-up, let them introduce you.
Be polite but feel free to talk to other people. This is a time to get to know people in the lifestyle. Hopefully, it’s a no pressure situation for everyone.
For single submissives, don’t be bashful. Shake hands, introduce yourself, and find a conversation to join. But always, always, always show good manners.

For those submissives who have a Dominant, you have to remember that your behavior is a reflection of them. When you’re rude, rowdy, or obnoxious, you make your Dominant look bad, as if they don’t have any control over you or your behavior.

Dungeons, Play Parties, and Kinky Events – High Protocol

Okay, for a night out with the kinky peeps, the rules are a bit different and often much stricter. No worries, though, you can handle this. When in doubt, fall back on being uber-polite.

If you’re new to the location, ask the dungeon master or whoever greets you at the door for any rules you need to be aware of. Most places will tell you the rules from the beginning, but in case they don’t, always ask.

Follow those rules. Don’t get kicked out of a dungeon because you didn’t feel like complying with the same rules as everyone else. Also realize that everyone is new at some point, and mistakes will be forgiven as long as you apologize and stay polite.

Some basic higher protocol rules you’ll probably encounter in general:

Follow all rules your Dominant has in place for you. (That’s a given and should be an automatic.)
Wait for your Dominant to introduce you.
Unless told differently, use “Sir” for male Dominants and “Ma’am” for female Dominants. Don’t worry, they’ll tell you if they want to be called something specific.
Don’t speak to, touch, or otherwise engage with someone unless your Dominant approves. If the person you want to talk to is a submissive, you may also need their Dominant’s permission.
Don’t talk too much during a scene. Definitely don’t talk to the participants. If you talk to the people around you, be very quiet and keep it brief. Interrupting someone’s concentration could be dangerous and is definitely rude.
Never interrupt a scene. You can ask questions later. If you think someone’s in danger, you should go to the dungeon master.
Keep your attention focused on your Dominant.
In very high protocol situations, you may need to keep your eyes lowered and kneel or sit at your Dominant’s feet. For some, this is already part of your rules when in public. For others, it might be new.
If you make a mistake, simply apologize politely. Most people are very forgiving.

Single submissives, you have more freedom to approach other people, depending on the rules of the club or dungeon. If the person is a submissive, make sure their Dominant grants permission first. (In reality, they should make sure they have permission but if you are the one who approaches, be the one to ask permission.) If the person you’re talking to is a Dominant, be as polite and respectful as you know how to be.

If you remember nothing else when you’re out and about with your fellow kinksters, remember this: Always be polite. It’s good practice for being a human, and it’s a great way to establish trust and respect and make friends in the BDSM lifestyle.

Entering the Community Series

Part 1: Finding Other Local Kinksters Using Online Resources

Part 2: Socializing with Kinksters

Part 3: Understanding and Following General Protocols in Public

Part 4: Who You’ll Meet and What to Expect at a Munch

Part 5: Who You’ll Meet and What to Expect at a BDSM/Dungeon Play Party

Image via Kozzi

View more on Luna Carruthers's website »

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Published on November 04, 2015 07:00

November 3, 2015

Entering the Community: The Different Ways to Socialize with Local Kinksters

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Welcome to part two in this week’s series all about how to help you feel more comfortable entering and becoming a part of the local BDSM community. You might like to read the previous post about using online resources to find kinksters. Some of the best education I’ve received as a submissive, especially on the different ways other people live the D/s life, have been from people in my local area. Attending a munch, going to a play party, or just hanging out online and observing conversations and interactions is a great way to learn and have your eyes opened to other viewpoints and experiences.

T oday, let’s talk about the different ways to socialize with other kinksters in your local area.

Okay, lesson number one about hanging out with kinky people: They’re people, just like you and I. They enjoy doing many of the same things as you do. And, like you, they’re kinky, too.

Not every interaction with your local community is going to be filled with kink, especially if you’re in a vanilla setting. That being said, in my experience, when you get a group of kinksters together, we tend to talk about BDSM and sex a lot more than I do with my non-kinky friends. I imagine that’s probably pretty common for all of us. Oh, and for anyone who thinks they’re not kinky enough to hang out with the kinky people, think again.

So, what are the different ways to hang out with local kinksters?

Munches

A munch is just a gathering of kinky people at a vanilla setting. There’s no real rule on time, place, or when but in my area, and probably in yours, too, munches tend to be in restaurants at slower times during the weekend. My favorite munch to attend is in a back room of a local diner from 2:00 p.m. until about 4:00 p.m. on the third Saturday of the month. The diner doesn’t mind because most of us order something to eat, and it’s in between the lunch and dinner rush.

Coffee-Times

I don’t know how common these are around the country, but in my general region, munches are on the weekends, which rule out people who work every Saturday. An answer to that is a weekly or monthly “coffee time” in the middle of the week. Sometimes it’s in a restaurant with a big enough room (depends on the size of your crowd) and sometimes it’s in an actual coffee shop. It’s late enough that people can eat dinner or just get a cup of coffee but ends early enough for people who have to get up to go to work the next morning.

General Meet-Ups

Maybe you have a good munch and a new coffee-time, but someone wants to meet on a different day or at a different place. In my area, these are just “meet ups” but they work the same. Vanilla setting, on a weekly or monthly basis, in the same place each month – and the kinksters who can come show up.

Local BDSM Dungeon or Club

All clubs and dungeons function differently. Some are private and require invitation by the club owner or people they trust. Others are open for membership but you have to be sponsored or attend classes on the lifestyle before you can attend. Either way, these are places where you can watch a kinky scene or participate in one.

Saint Andrew’s Crosses, spanking benches, medical play tables, suspension bars, and many other pieces of BDSM equipment will be found here. If you’re not ready to play, you can usually hang out in a social area to chat and watch. And I haven’t been to a dungeon or club yet that didn’t have food – often brought in by regular attendees. It makes sense – kinky play takes a lot of energy, and you’ll need to refuel.

Private Parties

You can organize your own private party, or once you meet people and make friends, you might be invited to a play party. Typically, you can expect to have the opportunity to scene and play, but there should be no pressure to join in. Make sure you follow the rules of the house (or create your own if this is your party). The people who attend will hopefully understand basic protocols and show respect to you and your partner. If not, let the organizers know.

For those who want to have their own party, a word of caution. Invite people you trust to play safe, respect boundaries, and follow the rules. Don’t invite people you know are trouble. You may never get anyone to come out to another party again if you do.

My recommendation for anyone new to the local lifestyle is to start with munches, coffee-times, and general meet-ups. This is a good way to get to know people and make friends. You’ll also establish yourself within the local community, hopefully, as someone who understands or is willing to learn the lifestyle and can behave respectfully in public. People will learn to be comfortable with you and may invite you out to more private affairs.

And if you’re scared and shy about walking into that restaurant or coffee shop, remember, everyone was new at some point. Most of the people you’ll meet are very friendly. Just be up front and tell them you’re new. The good ones will take you under their wing and make sure you have a good time.

Entering the Community Series

Part 1: Finding Other Local Kinksters Using Online Resources

Part 2: Socializing with Kinksters

Part 3: Understanding and Following General Protocols in Public

Part 4: Who You’ll Meet and What to Expect at a Munch

Part 5: Who You’ll Meet and What to Expect at a BDSM/Dungeon Play Party

Image via Kozzi

View more on Luna Carruthers's website »

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Published on November 03, 2015 07:00

November 2, 2015

Entering the Community: Finding Other Local Kinksters Using Online Resources

Welcome to the first part in a series I hope will help you feel more comfortable entering and becoming a part of the local BDSM community. Some of the best education I’ve received as a submissive, especially on the different ways other people live the D/s life, have been from people in my local area. Attending a munch, going to a play party, or just hanging out online and observing conversations and interactions is a great way to learn and have your eyes opened to other viewpoints and experiences.

Today, let’s discuss how to find your local kinky peeps.

The best advice I’ve been given (even though I fought it at first) when it comes to living the BDSM lifestyle is to go meet people in the local area. I used to say, and I now hear countless people say, “But there aren’t any people. How am I supposed to find them? I’m the only one I know!”

Stop right now. You are not the only kinky person in your town. You might be the only one with a social media profile. You might, (maybe, but highly unlikely) be the only one on Fetlife. But you are not the only kinky person in your area – unless your area has five people, and they all live in your house.

Here are some places to find your local community:

Good Old Google

When in doubt, Google it. Go a step further and actually click on the second or third page of the search results. A quick Google search of your town’s name and “BDSM” will yield some results. In my area, there are pages for different groups in my state (Florida), kinky profiles on dating sites, and different blogs to visit.

Fetlife

“But Fetlife is filled with creepy posers sending dick pics.” You’re right, those people are there. And you’re a fully functional adult who is capable of ignoring those people. There are also groups and forums specifically for your city, town, or region. Your local BDSM dungeon or munches probably have a page, too. Use the handy-dandy search function and type in the name of your town or county and see what you find.

Secret Facebook Groups

Before I got kicked off Facebook (for using a pseudonym, damn the Facebook gods and their weird rules), I was part of several secret groups devoted to the lifestyle – BDSM Without the BS, Daddies and their Littles, you name it. Some groups aren’t secret but you’ll have to ask to join. Join them and get to know people. There are usually threads in each group to introduce yourself and share where you’re from – use that thread to find your local peeps. And remember not to be a creepy stalker. Let things happen naturally and make friends with people you genuinely like.

Craigslist

I’m adding this one with a disclaimer: Proceed with caution! Typically on Craigslist, people just want a quick, kinky hook-up. Or worse, they’re a predator looking for a victim. Listen to your instincts. If something doesn’t feel right, don’t go. Have a safe call set up so someone knows where you’re going, when you arrive, and when you should leave. Safety first, y’all. But sometimes, you can find a couple who wants to hang out or a group of people looking to meet someone new. Yes, it may be sexual, which is perfectly fine, if that’s what you want, too.

Whether you’re ready to hit the local munch you found on Fetlife, or you just want someone you can email or grab a cup of coffee with to chat about life, there is no better way to learn more about BDSM and the lifestyle than meeting real people and hearing about it from their own perspective. Remember, though, to be open, honest, and patient.

BDSM and kink may feel like completely foreign or new concepts, but at the end of the day, we’re all people. Go about making friends and meeting your fellow kinksters the same way you would if you were in a vanilla situation. Relax and take your time. Be yourself and don’t be creepy!

Entering the Community Series

Part 1: Finding Other Local Kinksters Using Online Resources

Part 2: Socializing with Kinksters

Part 3: Understanding and Following General Protocols in Public

Part 4: Who You’ll Meet and What to Expect at a Munch

Part 5: Who You’ll Meet and What to Expect at a BDSM/Dungeon Play Party

Image via Kozzi

View more on Luna Carruthers's website »

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Published on November 02, 2015 07:00

November 1, 2015

Nanowrimo and Annual Ebook Sale

It has begun! If any of you have followed Submissive Guide for a long while you may already be aware that November brings two things to the site; Nanowrimo and the Annual eBook Sale!

First a bit about Nanowrimo and what that means for the site. Every year, except last year, I use National Novel Writing Month (Nanowrimo) to mass produce a bunch of content for the site. I know, I know, it’s not a novel like other writers will be doing, but this month is full of supportive people who are also writing their fingers to the bone and it feels good to get that sort of support. My goal for this year is to put together short ebooklets, outline my first webinars, a bunch of free stuff for my Patreon supporters, and more articles, videos and amazingness for the site. All in all about 50,000 words (the Nanowrimo goal) will go into making things for this site so that you can continue to learn and grow in your submission, along with me.

The weekend reflections will have updates on my progress and how I’m doing with the word goal as well as how my wrists are holding out. I have Carpal Tunnel in both wrists which is why I abstained last year; they were pretty bad then. This year I plan to push past the pain, I have a pair of really good braces that still allow good finger movement and pain meds to keep me feeling alright.

If you want to cheer me on, you can do so via my personal twitter (@lunaKM) or on the Nanowrimo site if you are member there. Oh and if you want to donate coffee and gluten-free snacks to fuel my body while I write, you can send me a donation.

Book Sale!

During the month of November all of Submissive Guide’s ebooks will be on sale for 25% off! You must purchase them through the site to get the deal and you can buy as many as you wish, the checkout automatically will give you the discount. So, if you’ve waited to get Processing Pain, the Guide to your First Munch, or one of the other amazing titles, head over there right now and purchase!

Check out all of Submissive Guide’s ebooks available!

View more on Luna Carruthers's website »

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Published on November 01, 2015 07:00

October 31, 2015

31 Days To Better Domestic Service: Do Coupons Really Save You Money?

Coupons and couponing have been given a bad wrap with the reality TV shows that show extreme coupon users. I know I’ve sat in awe of the people who use hundreds of coupons for their grocery order and somehow get their purchase to mere cents. Of course what they aren’t sharing in the TV show is that they are likely abusing double coupon days, store loyalty cards and other special circumstances.

But the other thought is who really needs a palette of toilet paper? One hundred cans of baked beans? Does anyone but these insane people shop this way? I know I don’t. I just don’t have the storage space or need. But I do have a modest stock pile that could last us about a month if the money ran out. We’d not eat like kings but we’d eat and that’s why I have the stockpile I do.

Coupons work great to help me develop my stockpile and save money on the things I buy. Not all coupons are for every family or shopper. That doesn’t mean that I can’t make coupons work for the way I shop. You can too.

And here’s the real secret to using coupons:

Coupons only really save you money if you use them correctly.

What do I mean by that? I mean using coupons only on things you normally buy, not being brand loyal and knowing your store’s coupon policy.

Knowing what your normally buy should be easy if you’ve done a common meals list, a master pantry list or a stockpile list. Bonus points if you’ve done all three! With these tools you know what foods you commonly have on hand, as well as what you prefer to have for toiletries and cleaning. It’s all there for you to analyze.

If you have them, get out those lists and look over them again. Make note of the things that you must have a certain brand, for whatever reason, be that allergy or a firm preference. Everything else on that list you are going to be more flexible on.

In our house for example, KnyghtMare refuses to use any other toilet paper than Charmin Ultra Strong. We’ve tried many others and this is the one he has said I am to get. It’s not the cheapest, by any means, but he’d have my butt (ha ha) if I started experimenting again. So, when looking at coupons I’m going to be on the look out for Charmin ones.

But canned green beans on the other hand I can get whatever brand is the most cost effective. And that’s what I mean by brand loyalty. When couponing the best thing is to NOT be brand loyal; that way if you see a coupon for green beans and they make another brand cheaper than the brand you usually get, you buy the coupon ones. It’s more about saving money than sticking to what you normally get. We are creatures of habit and while that is helpful for many other things, it is not helpful for saving money in the grocery store. I buy the cheapest whenever I encounter an item that I’m not brand loyal on. Granted being gluten-intolerant has limited that to being cheapest AND gluten free, I can still shave off a few cents here and there.

Also keep in mind that you should never use a coupon just to save money. Sure that pimento loaf is only 50 cents a pound, but if you don’t eat pimento loaf, what’s the point? And that goes for clearance items that you think you might need someday, but not now. Or something that you think someone might like as a gift but you can’t think of who. Some great deals are meant to be skipped.

Know Your Store’s Coupon Policy

Every store has a different coupon policy. Some will accept competitor’s ad prices on matching items, others won’t. A few stores double coupon amounts on special days. Few will still stack coupons also. Knowing what stores will do what can maximize your grocery savings.

Go to the store’s website and look up their coupon policy. If possible bring it with you when shopping. You can do this by saving it to Evernote! You do this because a lot of customer service personnel are not completely informed about all of their policies and having their own coupon policy easily available will help with any conflict. This is especially helpful if you are using competitor’s coupons or sales flyers.

Where to Find Coupons

Now that you know a bit about what to do with coupons where can you find them?

The old school way still exists in most areas; your newspaper. On a certain day of the week you’ll find inserts in your paper with coupons and sales flyers for your grocery stores. Find out what day that is and subscribe to the paper for that day.

There are coupons sites online that allow you to clip and print manufacturer’s coupons on your home printer to use at the stores. Coupons.com is the largest and most recognized for people using online coupon sites.

Register rewards are becoming more popular with today’s shopper. With a store loyalty card you can load savings directly on your card to use when you shop. It sure makes it easy that you don’t have to have the slips of paper to keep track of!

Coupon machines at the check out. I have a local chain that prints coupons based on what you’ve purchased that day. On a good day I can get 5 coupons on brands I purchased that day to use again another time. It’s very helpful.

And don’t forget coupons in the aisles! A lot of stores have coupon machines near the items that are on sale. They might even have a flashing light to get your attention. Oh and I like to leave coupons near items myself if I find something else I want more and won’t be using the coupon before it expires. Passing on the savings to someone else makes me feel great!

The Last Clip

Hopefully you’ve learned how to use coupons and where to find them to maximize your grocery savings. Are you a coupon clipper? What is your best tip for using coupons?

This is the end of the 31 days of Better Domestic Service. Let me know which post was your favorite and what other topics you’d like to see covered that have to do with domestics and I will try to have them in future posts!

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Published on October 31, 2015 07:00

October 30, 2015

31 Days To Better Domestic Service: Shop in Season to Maximize Savings

By now you should have a handle on your stockpile, meal plan and understand how to use a price book. Today we’ll cover shopping in season.

When we talk about shopping in season it often relates to produce but that’s not the only thing that has a season. What other things can you think of that have a good season to purchase?

Cars
Appliances
Tech Items
Furniture
Winter coats or swimsuits
more?
Savvy shoppers know the best time to get linens is during January’s white sales and that July is a great time to buy swimsuits. But how about the purchases that will really dent your wallet? Often what we don’t realize is that when we decide to buy something could have a huge impact on what it costs. And just because the sticker says it’s on sale doesn’t mean it’s the cheapest it will be. So, unless the item you want to purchase is an emergency item, do some research and learn when the best time is to buy that item. Especially if it’s a big ticket item. Really. Knowing when to buy can cut your cost drastically. Here’s when to buy:

Home Furnishings
The best time to buy furniture is during Holiday weekends like Memorial Day, Independence Day and Labor Day. Many department stores host big sales and coupons stack during those times too so you could pick up a great deal. Mattresses can also be on drastic price cuts during this time.

Look to the end of the season for seasonal items like grills and snow blowers. While the price cuts will keep going up, the stock will get thinner so watch for that. If you want a good deal on a lawn mower, try mid-August for your best selection and price points.
Cars

Late summer and early fall used to be the best time to buy a car, as dealers tried to make way for the new models. These days, though, many carmakers don’t follow the old seasonal roll-out schedules, says Jessica Caldwell, senior analyst at car comparison site Edmunds.com. They may introduce models at any point during the year.

If you want to get a bargain on a new car, it helps to research when the new models will roll out, Caldwell says, and time your purchase accordingly. The exception is luxury cars, which still follow the old schedule. That makes late summer a great time to buy the current year’s model.

Major Appliances
Even as car manufacturers have abandoned the old practice of releasing in the fall, appliance manufacturers have embraced it. Many unveil their new models during autumn, so stores put previous generations on clearance shortly thereafter. The longer you wait, the better the potential deals. The end of the year and the beginning of the year are thus great times to buy. They are often big ticket deals for Black Friday and Holiday sales at Sears and Home Depot.
Televisions
If you’re looking for ridiculously low prices on a barebones model television, you probably can’t do better than Black Friday. If you want a higher-end set, though, wait until the beginning of the year, after manufacturers debut their new models at the Consumer Electronics Show in early January. Expect to save 30 percent, although sometimes the discounts go as deep as 60 percent. The same holds true for speakers and many other electronics, including computers.
Laptops
If you want a high-end laptop, hold off until the early adopters start snapping up the latest and greatest versions previewed in January’s Consumer Electronics Show. After CES, many retailers start slashing prices to get rid of the older models. You should be able to save a few hundred dollars, and you may find deals that bundle the laptop with a tablet or other desirable accessory.

What else have you picked up on an amazing deal that you’d like to share?

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Published on October 30, 2015 07:00

October 28, 2015

31 Days To Better Domestic Service: What is a Grocery Price Book and How Can It Help Me?

How often has this scenario happened to you?

You make a quick trip to your favorite grocery store. You buy two items from your list: a head of lettuce and a can of diced tomatoes. The store was out of sour cream, so you decide to swing by another store on the way home, a store you don’t normally shop at.

As you walk to the dairy section, you happen to walk past the canned tomatoes. It catches your eye because it’s the same can you just bought. A closer look reveals an “everyday low price” that is 50 cents cheaper than the other store!

How much money could you have saved if you only knew that this store was cheaper on something you buy so often!

I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess that it’s happened more times you can to admit. The same goes for me too.

Fortunately, there’s a SUPER easy way to avoid this situation from happening again, and it’s called a price book. A Grocery Price Book is a relatively new addition to my domestic care binder. I’d known about them for years but felt that what I was buying at the store just couldn’t get cheaper and the work involved in establishing a price book was more than I wanted to devote at the time. But now that our finances are just a bit tighter with the purchase of a new car I’ve found this resource to be quite valuable.

What is a grocery price book? It’s a listing of your most commonly purchased items, the stores you frequent and the prices you paid for that item. Simply put, a price book is a little “book” that records the prices you pay for certain items. It can be electronic (like an app), typed and printed (like a spreadsheet), handwritten in a few pieces of paper, jotted down in a spiral notebook or even recorded in a full-fledged binder with removable sheets of paper.

There are LOTS of ways to make the concept of a price book way more complicated than it needs to be, but I’m all about keeping it simple whenever possible. With that said, here’s how you set up a basic grocery price book:

STEP 1: Choose a Tracking Method

Personally I use Evernote since when I’m at the store I have my tablet with me and use it for my grocery list, looking up items to see if the manufacturer lists them as Gluten-free and to monitor my digital coupons. But use a method you are most comfortable. Start with pen and paper. The whole purpose of the price book is to USE it so pick a method you will stick to. Here are 3 frugal ways you can put together a paper price book. Choose the method that works best for you.

a few sheets of notebook paper, folded into fourths and stapled into a book (be sure to cut any folded pages so that it folds properly)
a dedicated spiral notebook (small or large and CHEAP, from the dollar store or similar)
a handful of pages within a notebook used for similar purposes (like the notebook where you keep your meal plans, shopping lists, etc.)
STEP 2: Set-Up Your Pages

Depending on the side of the pages, you ‘ll want to designate one page (if the book is small) or half a page (if the book is big) to each item you want to track.

For each item, you need to record just five small pieces of information: Date, Store, Brand, Total Price per Size and Price per Unit.

Date: This is the date you bought the item. Many items are seasonal or have a rotational sale period, but not everything does. Knowing the date you bought something could help determine when the best deals might come along.
Store: The store you bought the item. Be specific and include the location if you shop at the same store in different areas.
Brand: Tracking this will help you recognize what brands tend to be less expensive than others.
Total Price per Size: This is the total of what you paid for the size of the item. For example, $2.50/15oz of original baked beans.
Price per Unit: This is the price per unit of the item, as in per ounce, per millilitre, per pound, per bar, etc. For example, 17¢/oz of original baked beans, or $2.15 per KIND bar.
STEP 3: Track 10 Items

Go through your receipts or spend a bit of extra time at the store and choose 10 items you purchase the most often. Give each one a page (half-page) in your book.

At the top of each page (or half-page), identify the item you’re tracking. Then, fill in the information in the columns using the receipts you have on hand. For example, every week I buy the following items:

Chicken breasts
1% Milk gallons
Fruit and Grain bars
Bagged lettuce
Salsa
Eggs
Pepperoni
Bread
Shredded cheese
Canned cat food

You might have to check the packages in the kitchen for some of it (like the total ounces of cheese, or total pounds in each package of chicken), but fill out as much as you can. The more information, the better.

STEP 4: Repeat Step 3 (Next Week)

Make it a goal to add or update 10 items every week to your price book. Use your receipts or during your trips to update the items from last week or add new items if you find you have more regularly purchased items.

Should you read the circulars if you have no intention of buying? Absolutely! It’s a SUPER easy way to learn the price of items without ever stepping foot in the store. Then when you ARE ready to buy, you know how much (or how little) it can be purchased for.

STEP 5: Shop According to the Price Book

Finally, it’s time to put your book into action. Before buying something, or even adding it to your grocery list, consult your price book.

Has the price of canned garbanzo beans steadily gone up? Maybe it’s time to look into dry beans instead.
Grass-fed ground beef on sale this week but your recipe calls for a more expensive ground turkey? Make a swap in the meal plan (or just substitute!).
Are strawberries on sale? Check your price book to see if the deal is really one worth spending your money on!

Price books don’t have to be fancy, or complicated. Just like any other tool in your domestic arsenal it just has to work. Price books can be a tremendous help in seeing trends and the true cost of items. The most important thing for you to do is to just get one and use it!

Would you like a free downloadable simple price book to get you started? kallista has put together a set in a few color themes for you to pick from!

Do you have a price book? Do you record any other information in it?

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Published on October 28, 2015 07:00

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