Luna Carruthers's Blog, page 15

October 26, 2016

31 Days of Submissive Journaling: Day 26 – Gratitude Log: Happiness’ Best Kept Secret

You have the basics down for journaling, you’ve read up on journal prompts and making book notes and writing scene reports like a boss what more can there be in a submissive journal? Well, lots of things actually! Today it’s being thankful. A wonderful thing to consider when journaling is to add a gratitude log/journal. I can hear you all groaning now. Yes, gratitude sounds cheesy and part of the “don’t worry, be happy” crowd, but even if you are less hippie and more emo, a gratitude log will make you happier.

Why should we focus intentionally on gratitude?

Taking the time to think about the things we have to be grateful for conditions your mind to be on the look out for positive things in your life. If we focus on negativity we miss the positives. If you make note of the positives your mind continues to focus on finding the positives (the things we are grateful for).

It’s not always easy to see the good things we have in life. Our mind is built to keep us alive, for survival so it scans for things that could endanger that – never the things that are going right. We have to consciously focus on the good things in our life. We have to want to make note of those little wins.

That’s right, a gratitude log doesn’t have to be about the big things, although it can be. It could just be that you got your favorite parking spot at the grocery store that day!

Keeping a gratitude journal will boost your happiness. I heard somewhere while I was doing the research for this article that an experiment was performed where a number of people were asked to keep a gratitude journal and also track their mood for the timeframe. At the end over 80% of people reported a better mood simply because they focused on the positives of their life instead of the negatives. While I can’t track down the specifics, that’s a telling result just the same!

Apply gratitude to your life

Create a gratitude section in your journal. Not sure where? Just turn the page from where you last wrote and start there. Write the date and number it one to three or five if you are feeling ambitious. Then answer the following question:

What are the top 3 (5) things I am most grateful for right now?

Spend time reflecting on each of the 5 things you write down. Be specific about why they are on that list. Think about things that you have but that you could just as easily not have. That would also mean to think about things that have happened, that could have just as easily not happened. Keeping a log of all the things you are grateful for slowly conditions your mind to believe that you actually have a LOT to be grateful for.

It doesn’t have to be daily either, just a couple of gratitude lines every week or so can keep your mind focused on the positives and boost your happiness that little bit. If you are feeling down, try a gratitude sprint to help raise your spirits.

A gratitude log has been a recent addition to my physical journal and I admit I’ve had a hard time getting three things on paper. I’m not in the gratitude mindset yet. But I look forward to the positive shift in my mind and the happiness that will be a result.

Who’s with me? What are you grateful for?

Copyright 2008-2015 Submissive Guide. This Feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this material in your news aggregator, the site you are looking at is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact lunakm@submissiveguide.com so I can take legal action immediately.

View more on Luna Carruthers's website »

Like • 0 comments • flag

Published on October 26, 2016 07:00

October 25, 2016

‘Innocently’ Outing Fellow Lifestylers

I’ll never forget during my first few months of being involved in the Lifestyle community, I ran into someone who frequented my back-then place of employment at a local play party. Personally, it didn’t faze me any at all due to my thinking – we’re at the same place pretty much for the same reason, kink. Apparently, it didn’t bother him to have me sitting right in front of him watching as he used a humongous paddle on a very willing bottom. And to this day, I’ve been grateful that things didn’t go left, because the whole situation really could have for either one of us. In my newness, I could have easily outed him to other people I knew saying, “Yeah, I know him from such and such place,” or “Hey, that’s my neighbor,” (he wasn’t my neighbor though) or anything else that would have led to providing more information than he would have wanted to shared or had shared. He could have very easily outed me by stating where he knew me from to anyone at the play party. But as far as I know, he didn’t do anything like that – at least no one said anything to me about him mentioning my place of employment.

Sometimes, things can seem so very innocuous that information can ‘slip’ out casually – we work together (or stating where the place of employment is), our kids go to the same elementary school, she lives right next door to me, they work in Walmart, or whatever other bit of information we may innocently drop in the ears of others. These phrases may seem innocent and truly harmless; however the fact is they either teeter on outing someone or can flat-out out someone. And when they do out someone it’s more like a ‘soft outing’. Many of us have seen ‘revenge’ outings and of course that shouldn’t happen in our community, but these ‘soft outings’ should also still be avoided no matter how benign these bits of information may seem.

It’s important for us all to remain mindful of what we share about other people. We all have a right to disclose as much or as little information about our personal, work, family and social lives as we’re comfortable with to the people we’re most comfortable with and withhold that same information from those we’re not familiar with, and in my opinion, that right should be respected. With this in mind, here are a few tips to help us remain mindful in order to avoid (or better avoid) sharing more information than we should about others in the community:

If you should see a person you know from vanilla life in a Lifestyle setting, it would be best to ask them privately how they would like to be referred to in such a setting. Some people use their legal names in the community, that’s a personal preference/choice; some may use a handle that seems like an average name such as ‘Bob’, ‘Alice’, ‘Cameron’, or ‘Willie’ but in fact it’s just a chosen scene name; while others will go other routes using names that are descriptive, like ‘slave dewdrops’, ‘Master MakeHerKneel’, ‘sublicious’ and so on. Simply asking what a person would like to be referred to and also sharing what you’d like to be called is better than assuming anything.
In reference to the experience I shared in the opening of this post, the gentleman that I saw at the play party could have told anyone where I worked, like, “Yeah, I know blyss from Taco Bell where she works – you know that one downtown? Yeah that’s where she works,” and I could have said the same. This isn’t ever a cool thing to do, again just because either of us had chosen to share personal information regarding life outside of the Lifestyle community doesn’t mean we were sharing that information with mutual friends or acquaintances (or even wanted to share that information).
For the love of all that is good, please don’t name drop in private conversations! This really happens, much to my chagrin. Two associates are talking and one has decided for whatever reasons to use the legal name of a mutual acquaintance, “Yeah Jimmy was at the play party with sub soft willow…” “Who’s Jimmy?” “Oh, that’s his real name, his scene name is Dom Spanks Softly.” “Oh, okay, yeah I know who you’re talking about.”

There are many people in the community who hold sensitive positions, going through ugly divorces, having custody battles, have careers and families to protect, and not everyone is living completely open in regards to their kinks and relationship choices. So these are just some basics for us to remember as we build relationships with others in the community and either become active or remain active in the community.

View more on Luna Carruthers's website »

Like • 0 comments • flag

Published on October 25, 2016 10:00

31 Days of Submissive Journaling: Day 25 – Book Notes: How to Select and Read With Purpose

Submissive journaling is not just about writing a diary. Journaling is what you want it to be. It can be lists of things, thoughts, rants, collections, habit tracking and so much more. It can also be a big part of your personal growth and self-discovery. One of the best ways to do that is through reading. Today let’s talk about using your journal for book notes.

If you’re anything like me, you took notes in school. If you were renting the books, you couldn’t write in them, but as soon as I started buying the books for college the highlighter became my best friend. And in that moment my ability to retain the information that I had read went down. This habit continued through my first couple of years in Submissive Guide work and the reviews that I did had to be done almost immediately after reading the book so that I could remember what I read. It’s possible some of this is because my memory isn’t what it used to be since being diagnosed with hypothyroidism and Celiac Disease (both impact memory). In any case, I needed a way to remember what I had read and an ah-ha moment came about at the beginning of this year that I should go back to making book notes.

When Should You Take Notes
If it’s a book that is meant to teach you something
If it inspires you
If you’ll need to refer to what you learned in some way later
How Book Notes Help You Get More Out of Reading

There are a lot of books on BDSM and submission out there, and if you enjoy reading and learning you’ll be pouring through all that information pretty quickly. But not all of it will stick or be remembered. So taking notes on what you are reading and forming your own opinions along the way is a helpful tool for any submissive who uses journaling for personal growth.

Writing something down makes it much more likely that you’ll remember it, and perhaps even use the knowledge versus just reading it. Also, if you are in the frame of mind that you will be taking notes on your reading you will read with more purpose, analyzing what you are reading carefully and then deciding what you annotate about it. The more you engage in what you are reading the more is retained.

The Way I Take Book Notes

There are many ways to take notes and everyone has a preferred method. I’m going to share with you today, my favorite way to take book notes. I’ve developed it over the last few years but was inspired by someone on Youtube that was using it to take college textbook notes so she could get the most money back from the return of those books. (If you don’t know, value of your textbook returns are higher if they are closer to ‘like-new’ condition.)

My note-taking method uses post-it notes and a couple different color pens. There are 4 colors of post-its that I use.

Yellow – Thoughts, questions and blog post inspiration

Pink – Important concepts and observations – in my own words

Green – Direct quotes

Blue – Vocabulary and definitions

The note-taking process goes something like this:

Read the section. Take notes on post-its using key above.
When finished reading, spread the stickies out on a flat surface.
Rearrange in any order that is logical; this is the order they will be written. (Note: the way the author has written may not be the logical way for you, feel free to change it!)
Write terms and vocabulary first.
Write direct quotes in a different color so that they stand out.

There you go. I know my process is probably more in-depth than many of you do and that’s okay. There are a lot of ways to take notes on what you are reading and the point is to find a method that works for you and will help build your knowledge and improve your level of information. Become more informed and you’ll love knowing that what you’ve read is being retained and used to improve your life.

How do you take notes? Do you think writing notes about what you have read helps your submission?

View more on Luna Carruthers's website »

Like • 0 comments • flag

Published on October 25, 2016 07:00

October 24, 2016

31 Days of Submissive Journaling: Day 24 – Scene Reports: How they can Empower Your Playtime

Today I want to talk about scene reports: what they are, how to begin writing them, and most importantly, how they can aid and empower your playtime.

I have only had one scene go really bad with my Master. In all of our years of playing, in all of the trials and errors, in all of the adjustments needing to be made, one. One sideways scene. And it sucked. It took quite some time to move past it and get back playing again. We had to rebuild trust first.

I often think back to the experience and wonder in hindsight if having some previous scene reports to lean on, learn from, if the mistakes during that scene may have been preventable. Moving forward we made a conscious effort to have me journal about our play time as well as the emotional side of Dominance and submission. So let’s get into the nitty gritty of it.

What is a scene report and how do I write one?

Simply put, a scene report is a written account of the who, what, when, where, why’s of playtime. It can be as straightforward or as frilly as you like; whatever your personal preference in writing is. It should include some sort of detailing of the build up to the scene (things like preparation, advance notification or not, clothing choices, emotional mood), actual logistics of the the scene (tools, timing, environmental factors, emotional mood), an aftercare report (what happened, how it impacted you), and then an after report from a couple days later (how you felt, how the Top felt, what you loved, what you loathed, how it could improve the next time, maybe a ranking system.)

Example of a straightforward scene report:

Date: 10/1/16

Time: 9-11 PM

Partner: Dom D

Place: XYZ Play Party

Plan: Impact scene

Approach: Dom D approached me, asked if I would bottom. I said yes. We sat and negotiated approx 10 min about tools and limits. I was excited to try the St. Andrews cross for the first time. Once it was available we used that station. No bondage, though, which made me more comfortable with a new partner.

Scene: Approx 30 min of impact play. Floggers, crop, and paddle all used. Thuddy flogger my favorite. I did not go to subspace and we had no sexual interaction. Maybe next time I would like a more sexually charged connection with my Top. The impact felt good but left wanting more.

Aftercare: I wrapped up in a towel. Wish I had brought a change of clothes cause it sucked putting a corset back on after play. He got me water and checked in with me a couple times before I left. Felt good.

Final report: Overall a fun scene. I love playing in public and will continue to do so. Thuddy tools for the win. Cross is okay, not as great as I had anticipated. Dom D checked back in, seems like a responsible enough Top but I don’t feel like it will go any further relationship wise. He did say he enjoyed it and would Top for me in the future.

Overall: 7/10

Example of a frilly scene report:

It is the first of the month and I couldn’t wait to get out of the house. It has been so long since I have played and I need a break so bad after this work week. Looking to let off steam, I check the RSVP list to see who may be going, hoping I can find a Top that might be interested in playing. A few interesting prospects indeed! I wore my favorite corset, got all cleaned up and primped up, and headed out the door. Got to the party about 8, mingled, laughed with some friends, enjoyed being the voyeur for a bit. There were a lot of great scenes happening around me.

Dom D approached me about an hour into the event. I had heard good things about his play style from others and when he asked me if I would like o play I was so thrilled! I couldn’t wait to turn my cheeks pink and feel that flood of adrenaline run through me upon impact. We sat down and chatted for a bit, my heart pounding in anticipation, and even though I was so nervous, I told him I wanted to try out the St. Andrews cross for the first time. He said yes!! So we waited for it to be open and we went there, thankfully I didn’t get tied to it. I was too nervous playing with a new partner to be stuck there.

He started out really lightly with a flogger, kinda nice, more like he was brushing me with something than “impact.” Once he started hitting harder with it, and it became more of a thuddy sensation than a whisper across my bum, I started getting tingly and warmed up sexually. He switched to the crop, which was okay, but I liked the flogger better. Ended with using a wooden paddle. That was HOT. I’d like to try that again too. The cross became uncomfortable at some point. I would have rather been on a spanking bench or over the foot of a bed so I can sort of relax and enjoy without having to be upright.

Afterward (it lasted all of 30 minutes but seemed to go by so fast!) I wrapped up in a towel I brought and went to the bathroom to get dressed again. Damn does it hurt to put a steel boned corset back on after a flogger swinging at my back! Oh, I wish I had thought to bring a comfy dress or something to throw on. Next time, next time. Dom D came to me after I got out of the bathroom and get me some water, checked in on me. That was nice. I can see why he’s highly recommended. Drove home fantasizing about getting to subspace one of these days but alas, tonight was not the night.

It’s bee a couple days and I remember this scene fondly! The Top was good, checking in a day later, and said he enjoyed the scene as well. The cross was okay, the thuddy flogger was incredible, but overall was left wanting more. More kisses, more touching of naughty bits, more hot sexy words whispered in my ear, more connection. While this was a perfectly lovely night out, I need to continue my search for a Dominant. Until then, play time itches the scratch. Overall, I would give this scene a 7/10.

How to use scene reports to empower play time

There are so many ways this kind of detailed reporting of play can be useful for both casual play experiences as well as in long-term Power Exchange relationships.

Writing this all out is an amazing learning tool for the submissive. You can read about the experience you’ve had, figure out what worked, what didn’t, what you want to try out. You can more clearly express your desires and limits when you can remember what they are.
This is also an amazing learning tool for the Top or Dominant you are playing with. That’s right, I encourage you to share this information with your Top! They don’t have to read it exactly as you wrote it, but you should sit down a couple days or a week after playing and speak plainly about the experience, this scene report as your notes. It is a way for them to learn and grow along with you. If your Top keeps paddling in the SDS (same damn spot!), he needs to know that that doesn’t feel great and brings you out of a good head space. Whether this is your Dominant and you only play together or this is a Top that you will never play with again, it is always good to encourage skill in play time.
This is an amazing learning tool for your relationship. Think about vanilla sex in relationships. The first time isn’t always the best, right? You are just learning about each other’s bodies, desires, etc. The Same principle applies here. With journaling scene reports, each experience can build off the last. You get to know each other more intimately; adjust for that specific partner.
This is an amazing learning tool for others. If you publicly journal, there are other people growing from your mistakes and successes. One person, one scene report, can bring a stranger or friend to be brave enough to try something new! Or encourage them to be more open in their relationship.
Scene reports can help you understand your own personal limits. If you experience something triggering, harrowing, writing that out will help cement how important that information is to relay to play partners. It is also a safe space to explore those emotions. Like I talked about in the beginning, I feel like our one scene that went sideways could have possibly been prevented had we been doing scene reports regularly all along.
Scene reports can help you understand which of your personal limits to push past. If you are scared of the idea of knife play but it is all you fantasize about when with your partner, that is really great information to write out and think about; communicate to your partner. Maybe it is an unfounded fear that you want to work past. Scene reports are the place to pen these conflicting emotions out.
Having these reports are great for bringing a spark back into long term PE relationships. Being able to go to your Dominant and say, “Remember a few years back? When we played poolside?? (wink, wink) Give this a read and tell me we shouldn’t try that again!”

Creating scene reports as a part of your journaling is a powerful tool. It can help you learn about yourself, your play, your desires. It can force you to reflect on your path through submission, of which play can be a vital part of. It can be a way of mapping your growth; tracking your experience. If it has been awhile since you and your partner had a 10/10 scene, it can be a signal to focus on the physical aspect of your relationship. If you are just looking for some fun pick-up play, you can potentially help improve the “pool” of Tops by giving them constructive feedback about their play style and at the same time getting exactly what you are seeking because you can verbalize it.

Just like any other part of journaling, make your scene reports simply a reflection of you: they don’t have to be perfectly written or fancy, just honest and real and written.

View more on Luna Carruthers's website »

Like • 0 comments • flag

Published on October 24, 2016 07:00

October 23, 2016

31 Days of Submissive Journaling: Day 23 – Journal Prompts: Using Them Effectively to Improve Your Life

When you don’t know what you want to write about in your submissive journal but have an obligation to write something, one of the best tool is journaling prompts. Since the beginning of Submissive Guide I have curated a long, long list of introspective questions, thoughts, and quotes to help you develop as a person and as a submissive in a power exchange relationship. But I’ve seen what people do with this prompts and it’s not always conducive to the personal growth that you could get out of it if you learned how to use them effectively. Using them right should give you some tidbit about yourself that you might not have known.

What are journal prompts?

Journal prompts are suggested topics, questions, quotes and lists you can use to help you journal and work through writer’s blocks. Often used by submissives who have to journal regularly so that posts have some variety or when someone just doesn’t know what to say. Yes, some of the prompts are meant to be fun and I intentionally mix up the fun ones with the ones meant for deep introspection. Head over to Submissive Journal Prompts and browse the collection.

What makes a good journal prompt to respond to?

A good journal prompt is one that speaks to you or will help you learn and grow internally. The best prompts will open up a dialogue with yourself and reveal something you may not have known about how you think, feel or express yourself. An ineffective journal prompt is one that you have a one-word answer for or all you can say is, “I like this.”

How do you learn about yourself from prompts?

Once you’ve chosen a good journal prompt for you to respond to think about it for a moment. Let is simmer in your mind. Think about what your first thoughts where when you read the prompts. Write about them. Expand on those thoughts. Try to figure out what the purpose of the prompt is. Then go back to your reporting logic. Use the five W’s.

Who, what, when, where, why and how. Ask yourself these questions as they pertain to the prompt and as they pertain to your responses to the prompt. Just keep digging in your thoughts until you feel confident you’ve thoroughly answered the prompt and learned something about yourself by answering it. Building your confidence in not only yourself but your problem-solving abilities will go a long way in personal improvement and when challenges come up in your relationships. You’ll be able to use problem-solving techniques and deeper thinking that you learned answering journal prompts. Trust me, using prompts the right way builds you up!

Your Turn to Practice

Take what you’ve learned so far about journaling this month and about journal prompts in this article and use it. Head over to Submissive Journal prompts and pick a prompt that is NOT a quote (we’ll talk about how to use quotes in journaling later this week). Spend ten minutes writing about it, use your inquisitive child to constantly ask questions and see how far you can go.

If you feel comfortable sharing, copy and paste the prompt and your response in the comments below! I’d love to see how you use prompts to delve deeper into yourself and your submission!

View more on Luna Carruthers's website »

Like • 0 comments • flag

Published on October 23, 2016 08:00

October 22, 2016

31 Days of Submissive Journaling: Day 22 – How to Manage Negative Comments Without Rage

Accepting criticism is never an easy thing to do. It’s extremely hard to accept it from people we know, but in my opinion, it’s even harder to accept criticism or negative comments from random Internet people. Why you ask? Because these people who you don’t know and don’t know you, or maybe only sort of know you, are criticizing you for the way you live, for your ideology, and who you are as a person. You become defensive because you feel like you or whoever else you’re writing about(the supporting roles in the story of your life), are being attacked unfairly and unjustly and you want to attack back, let the person know they have no right to say these things about you or others in your life. It’s human nature to do so. I can’t tell you how many times I have found myself in that very situation. But by lashing back in anger, nothing really is accomplished. The comments section of your blog will just become a shouting match, with no real winner and all that usually ends up being accomplished is that you may or may not end up looking like a crazy person with severe anger issues to your readers. And let me tell you, that tends to be a real turnoff to most readers. Readers who comment, they want to have a conversation with you, learn more about what’s going on with you in a specific post, but when they see you in a yelling contest with a commenter, they find themselves wondering if that’s how you’re going to react to all commenters, and online drama is never, ever a fun thing.

I’ve been there. People have left comments on my articles and on discussions I’ve started on Fetlife and I’ve wanted to rip the commenter a new one. I’ve even gone as far as a couple of times as typing out a not so nice reply, but before I hit that enter button and let the world see that maybe I don’t have a grip on my anger, I have to stop and think. Do I want people to think that I’m a raging a**hole and am going to act that way every time someone leaves me a comment that I don’t agree with? Do I want people to see me stooping down to a childish level of name calling and mudslinging? While I may think I’m 100% justified in my response to random Internet trolls or people giving me advice that I didn’t ask for, others will not see it that way. If you are wanting to attract readers to your blog, learning how to curb your knee-jerk responses and anger is a very important tool you will need to have to keep your readers coming back and to also attract new readers.

Check yo self before you wreck yo self - While I am not a fan of rap music, these words from rapper Ice Cube are extremely wonderful words of wisdom. When you get negative and hurtful comments on your post, before responding to them, take a moment. Step back, do not type that hateful swear word and name calling filled reply that is your first instinct. Take a moment and think about how you want readers to see you. All they know about you is what you share with them online in your posts and how you reply to comments. Let them see that you know how to act like a civil and mature human being by not giving into your knee jerk reactions. Like I said earlier, if your replies to commenters you don’t like are angry and hateful, they’re going to see you as an angry and hateful person. As well as some other not nice things.
Just Smile and Wave - Like the Penguins of Madagascar, just smile and wave. When you get those not so friendly comments, you have a couple of options when it comes to handling them. You can just ignore them completely, delete or edit their comment, or you can handle their comment as a calm and rational person. I highly recommend the last option myself. Once you’ve calmed down, realize that the negative comments aren’t about you, but more about the person who wrote them. Unfortunately, there are people out there who love to be mean just for the sake of being mean and nothing you say or do will change this person’s opinion. But despite this kind of behavior, treat the person with respect. Remember the saying kill them with kindness? That’s the best way to shut these kind of people down. By being respectful in your reply to them, you’re taking away their ammunition against you away. They’re hoping to get a negative response from you. Also, if you’re writing a blog post about a specific topic that has facts and you get readers disagreeing with what you’ve said, ask them why, ask them for facts that support what they’ve stated. It’s also important to keep your replies focused on the facts and not personal feelings. Once you start making things personal, the dialogue will just spiral out of control.
Don’t Waste the Pretty - This quote is from a book about dating advice, but it applies here as well. It’s hard to ignore the negative comments. They hurt. Even though these are people you don’t know, it still hurts and is hard to let go. Don’t give these people your pretty, don’t let them steal your happiness or confidence. Chances are, they’re just unhappy and as we all know, misery loves company. Don’t become their company. Remember how brave you are for putting yourself out there and sharing your ideas with the world.

Dealing with commenters on your blog isn’t the easiest thing in the world. Everyone always has an opinion on how you should live your life and handle things and there are others out there who are going to troll because that’s what they do. But don’t let those haters out there derail you from sharing your journey with the world.

Here are a few links that have some more tips for how to deal with negative commenters:

7 Helpful Tips on Dealing with Negative Comments
Haters and Critics: How to Deal with People Judging You and Your Work
How to Respond to Negative Comments on Social Media and Blog Posts Infographic
How to Deal with Negative Comments as a Blogger

View more on Luna Carruthers's website »

Like • 0 comments • flag

Published on October 22, 2016 07:00

October 21, 2016

31 Days of Submissive Journaling – Day 21: Your First Blog Post

You’ve made the decision that you’re going to keep a blog, you’ve picked your host, you’ve designed your site, and now it comes down to the writing.

And then you clean the dishes, and the bathroom. And you take a walk. And you build a condo for the squirrels to live in, and you think about everything but the computer and your blog, and the empty word document that you’re supposed to fill, because having made all of the important decisions about your blog, you’re now confronted with the most terrifying which is: what do I write first?

What do you write for your first blog post? How do blogs even begin? Surely, the successful blogs just spawn fully formed, with months of backlog and a following of approximately thirty people who have all commented and liked each of the really important, ground breaking entries.

If only.

The short answer to the question, “How do I begin?” is that you just do. You write whatever the heck you want to write, addressing it to the purest form of your intended audience. It honestly doesn’t matter what your first post addresses, because chances are, where you end up comfortable will be so far away from where you begin that your first post is like a shadowy rough draft of all the posts that follow it.

The long answer breaks down a little more like this:

Determine your audience. If you’re writing just for yourself and your Dom, you don’t need to worry about where you begin. All of the information that you share, each of your inside jokes, informs your Dom of all of the context that he/she needs in order to understand your writing. You can pick up wherever you feel most comfortable: with a story, with reflection, with a love letter.

If you’re writing for a the general public, then you’ll want to make your first post a little less casual and a little more introductory. You’ll want to start by providing your readers with the context they will need to understand the purpose of your blog and to enjoy the stories that you tell. There are a couple of different “introductory” posts that you could write. Think about the kind of blog that you envision keeping, and see which of the following best benefits your style:

The “Hello, My Name Is…”

The first post you write can simply be an introduction to who you are. What’s your pen name? What do you do for a living? What kind of submissive are you? What are your hobbies? What days do you intend to write blog posts, and what kind of writing are you looking to explore? Give your readers a clear picture of you, allow them to develop a first impression of you as a writer, as a person, and as a submissive.

The Mission Statement

Maybe you don’t want to be personal. That’s okay, too. You can write a perfectly good introduction to your blog without giving any extraneous information about yourself to your reader. Just focus your writing on the topic of what you intent to do with the blog. Is it primarily for reflection or is it more informative? Are you writing sensual smut stories that feature you and your Dom? Are you creating how-to guides for keeping house, cooking, or some other common submissive task? Writing a mission statement allows your readers to see exactly what you intend to do with your blog, and it’s a good way for you to keep yourself on track if find yourself drifting slightly left field of your original intentions.

The Anecdote

If you’re focusing more on the creative spectrum, you can knock out your first post by letting it take the form of an anecdote. Tell a story that you feel really shows you, and exemplifies your blog’s intention. Be as creative as you like, or present the facts as is. People are usually pretty happy to get to know their bloggers through funny stories or thrilling accounts of recent (or long passed) happenings.

En Medias Res

If you aren’t a “beginner” then don’t begin. Pretend you’ve already got your ideal readership, pretend they already know everything they need to know, and write. Don’t let anyone tell you that you have to begin at all if beginning makes you feel uncomfortable, and don’t feel like you have to do the “boring introduction to things” if you’ve already got a great idea for what you want to talk about. In fact, the best thing that you can do for your blog is to treat it exactly the way you intend to treat it once it’s “well established.”

Post Au Mass

Sometimes the pressure for beginning comes from the idea that there’s only one post to start. The issue isn’t necessarily that you don’t know what to say, you just don’t want it to look like it’s the only thing that you’ve got to say. You can circumvent that completely by writing two or three different posts and then putting them up at once. Who cares if you post three times in one day, and then don’t post again for a week? If you’re beginning your blog and you want to make it feel like you’re establishing yourself, sometimes the best thing for you to do is force the internet to make some room for you. So post to your heart’s content, no matter how many articles you post in a single day at the beginning.

The ultimate goal for starting is the idea that you’ll eventually continue where you left off, so my most important advice that I can give you is to make sure that your first post is a positive one that sets you up for an exciting writing experience. Remember that writing shouldn’t feel like a chore, and if it does, you need to look at what you’re writing and how you’re writing it. Challenge yourself, but don’t frustrate yourself. You (and your Dom) are your own boss in this one, so there’s absolutely no right or wrong way to write as long as you keep yourself going.

If you need additional help, can’t think of any topics, or you’re just a little uncertain of what makes a good blog post, check out Submissive Guide’s submissive journal prompts to get yourself started.

Until next time,

Kallista

View more on Luna Carruthers's website »

Like • 0 comments • flag

Published on October 21, 2016 07:00

October 20, 2016

31 Days of Submissive Journaling: Day 20 – 4 Ways to Find Topics for your Submissive Blog

The challenge of any writer is, “what do I write about?” Maintaining a blog every day, I ask that question all the time. Since I started a blog over 7 years ago I’ve been able to come up with things to talk about almost every single day. With a bit of creative brainpower and a few tips from me, I’m sure that you’ll have plenty to talk about the next time you hit a writer’s block.

Sometimes we forget as writers that our readers don’t know everything that we do, or haven’t experienced all the things that we have. When we try to come with something to write about, those things, that as authors we find boring, might just attract new readers.

There are four things that I use quite regularly when I want to generate a list of possible topics for my blogs.

1. Brainstorm

Anyone who has taken a high school English course has learned one or two methods to brainstorm. Think back to those days, or look up brainstorming techniques on the Internet. There are two ways that work best for me in my blogging.

Brain Dump

I highly doubt this was the academic term, but when I’m not sure what to write about, this is the first tactic I engage in.

Open up a word document or pull out pen and paper. Set a timer for ten minutes. When you’ve pressed start, just start writing. It doesn’t have to make sense and likely won’t at first, but something amazing begins to happen the more random writing that you do. Your mind begins to focus and then all of a sudden you have new topics. Sure there will be crummy ideas mixed in, but after the buzzer goes off you’ll have at least a few that you can use.

Web Mapping

It’s very likely that if you have had a blog for any length of time you have some topics that you enjoyed writing about. This is the perfect time to expand on those or come up with topics related to them.

Using a new word document or piece of paper (I prefer paper for this one), write your topic in the middle of the paper. Then, in a circle around the topic I write the five W’s: who, what, when, where, why and how. With each of these new words, start asking yourself questions related to them and the topic. Who did X? Where were you? How did it happen? Your goal here is to find related topics to the one that you enjoyed that either branches off from it or writes it from a different perspective.

2. Read Other Sites

There is a wealth of information out there if you take the time to read it. Like many sex bloggers, I have a blog list a mile long. I love reading the antics and stories of what everyone is up to. Reading their writing is like a playground for my own material.

The next time you read someone else’s blog ask yourself the following questions:

Do you like the post? What do you or don’t you like about it?
Do you have a similar story that you could share?
What are your thoughts on the activities or behaviors of the people in the post?
Are there news or media stories related to the post?
Could you write their post from a different perspective?

Other ways to get ideas is to use idea prompts, there are sites on all sorts of topics chock full of questions to help jog your brain into something to write about. Run a search in your favorite engine for journal prompts and you’ll be directed to hundreds of perfectly good sites to farm topics from.

Try reading your favorite discussion board as a topic treasure chest. Don’t aim to answer any of the questions there, but jot down the topics that interest you and work on your responses to them in your blog. You can do this with comments to other people’s blog posts as well.

Write From a Different Perspective

Much of what I write is what I’m familiar with or comfortable with. I use my own experiences in my writing. Most of it is first person. Sometimes I figure out a way to tell the same story from a different perspective that readers seem to enjoy.

Try to tell a story from the other person’s point of view. Or perhaps pretend you are the fly on the wall; what would it look like? Maybe an inanimate object could be the lead character of the post? And don’t forget dialogue; it’s like the reader is eavesdropping on a conversation.

Any way you look at it; a story can become completely different just by putting the words in someone else’s mouth.

Respond To Readers

One of the best places to find ideas is in our own comments on our blog. The readers may not be asking direct questions all the time, but the posts that get the most activity tend to be good topics to write on again and again. And don’t forget to answer those questions too! If you put answers to questions in your blog as separate posts, you not only answer the one reader who asked, but all the other readers who were thinking the same thing but choose not to voice it.

Emails from readers is another way to generate topics for the blog. Put a contact form or your email on your website and you will most likely be sent emails asking all sorts of questions, asking for advice or general comments that people didn’t feel like leaving on your blog. Using these emails as ideas for topics are like free suggestions! Don’t overlook this valuable resource.

All in all, every blogger, whether you be a sex blogger or not, should take time out of their writing schedule to figure out what else they should be writing about. There is a mountain of content just waiting to be discovered if you look. So the next time you ask yourself what you should write, pull out a few of these ideas and see for yourself what topics your readers are looking for.

View more on Luna Carruthers's website »

Like • 0 comments • flag

Published on October 20, 2016 07:00

October 19, 2016

Ask Anything – Feeling Insecure

Dear Submissive Guide,

I am a sub and I have an amazing Master. He is loving, caring, respectful and just everything a sub could ask for. He collared me 6 months ago and we moved in together 2 months ago. We get along great in every area so far. The problem is this, lately, I’ve been feeling really insecure and I’m worried about being able to fully please him. I know he loves me and he knows that I love him. Regardless, this voice inside of me keeps telling me that I’m not good enough..that I cannot fulfill him fully. Now I realize that there is usually a honeymoon period. So, for the most part, we have gone to bed together and woke up together, it’s been amazing! Matter of fact it was all we had talked about for months. Lately, however, he has been getting out of bed and getting on the computer and staying up for hours past me. Then, of course, I’m up early and he either gets up because I am, then ends up tired with a major headache later or sleeps way later. Our sex life is still good I suppose but I’ve noticed some changing and slowing down. I start to question things, Why does he have to get up when I’m asleep? Am I not pleasing him?

So this morning I woke up really early and he did for a bit as well. We played for a little while. After being inside me he pulls out as if he were done. He hasn’t came and is limp. He demands that I play til I cum. Automatically the tears start flowing. He asks why I tell him I’m afraid I’m not pleasing him. He whispers in my ear, confidence is sexy. After play he rolls over and is back to sleep because he was up all through the night and well while I kept waking up because he wasn’t beside me, I am wide awake and feel like crap. I don’t sleep well when he isn’t there and now I am confused, and wondering maybe it’s my insecurities that are hindering us. Then I think well no he was already done prior to. I’m so confused, hurting and so scared. I love him more than you can even imagine and I would do anything to make him happy. Please help me.

Sincerely,
Confused n Scared Sub

Dear Confused n Scared Sub,

My heart hurts for you that you’re in such turmoil over all of this.

A few things come to mind immediately…

Based on what you’ve shared, which is mostly your own thoughts and feelings and nothing that indicates his thoughts and feelings, your insecurities are getting in your own way.

Yes, you’re right, at the beginning of any relationship, vanilla or D/s, there is a honeymoon period when everything seems “perfect” and golden. Reality always sets in eventually, and the habits and behaviors people have had for years come through.

Whether or not your Master has done anything or not to make you feel unsure and insecure, you have to talk to him. I know plenty of submissives, myself included, that are great about getting ourselves worked up over nothing but our own worries. And if he has been doing things that make you think there are problems, it’s always much better to bring them up and talk about them than to ignore them, pretend the problems will go away, or make yourself crazy thinking about it but never saying anything.

The other thing that comes to mind, if he’s staying up later, or keeping a different schedule is whether he’s going through personal stress. Is his job giving him headaches? Is there family drama he has to deal with? Are finances tight? There are any number of reasons why he might be getting out of bed and staying awake.

Have you asked him about what’s on his mind?

We tend to forget that our Dominant partners aren’t superhuman. They go through stressful times and have just as many worries as we do. He might be concerned about any number of things.

As for going limp and not having an orgasm during sex, there are any number of reasons it can happen. Yes, sometimes it’s a lack of desire for a partner, but sometimes it’s illness or stress. My own Dominant says he doesn’t always need to have an orgasm in order to enjoy having sex with me or getting kinky. Instead of assuming the worst, why not ask him?

And yes, he’s right, confidence is sexy. If you’ve lost yours, talk to him about it. Hopefully, he can help you build it back up, but you may have to fake it until you really do feel confident.

If, after you talk to him, you still have fears about your relationship, take a good, long look at what’s happening between you. Has he changed since you moved in? Does he refuse to talk to you? Does he get angrier more quickly or dismiss your concerns?

Sometimes, we’re afraid because of our own insecurities and sometimes, our partners give us a reason to question where they want to be with us or not. Your first step is always to talk to him about how you feel and what your concerns are. After that, only you can decide whether you’re overreacting or if there really is a problem.

Do you have a question or would like to get some advice? All questions are anonymous. Ask lunaKM!

View more on Luna Carruthers's website »

Like • 0 comments • flag

Published on October 19, 2016 10:00

31 Days of Submissive Journaling – Day 19: Ways to Personalize Your Online Journal (Blog)

One of the easiest ways to show who you are and what you want to write about is to personalize your submissive blog. What your blog looks like will give people a first impression before they’ve read a single word so it’s often very important if you want to attract readers. Also, it’s more likely you’ll want to write in your blog if it looks pretty to you, because let’s face it, we love to express ourselves! Whether you have a public or private blog, making it a personal statement is great fun. Let’s go over what sort of things you can do to make your blog speak of your personality and be attractive to readers so they’ll want to come back.

Blog Name

The name of your blog is usually an afterthought for many personal blogs, which is why so many blogs are called “Sub X’s Journey”. Even my personal blog has gone from having a clever name to being just my name. :P I clever blog name not only gives people something memorable to bookmark your blog, but it can convey your personality or the topic of your blog. So, consider something creative for your blog name!

Theme

Blog hosts often have a variety of themes you can choose to dress up your blog. Some of them are available in the dashboard area, and other blog hosts allow you to change the CSS code to design your own. While I am not going to write about how to design your site, there are a ton of sites and blogs that can help you learn how to personalize your blog so search for how-tos with your favorite search engine.

When picking a theme, pick one that works for what you plan to write. Often, magazine style themes won’t work well for a personal blog so make sure you test drive the theme to see if it looks good with the posts you’ve got and your plans for the blog. Something simple is complimentary if you plan on using a lot of images and something with more graphics in the theme could help a text-based blog.

Colors

I touched on colors a bit when I talked about themes, but here’s a bit more. We’ve all seen BDSM sites that tend to go with a black background with white or light gray text. Don’t do that. Just because you might talk about a taboo topic doesn’t mean it has to be black. It’s hard to read, it’s unfriendly for people who have vision issues, it doesn’t translate well to mobile devices and it’s just really hard to read. Also, black and white just don’t convey any sort of personality. Also, consider if the colors you have chosen make the text easier to read, compliment the photos you are sharing (if you are sharing any) and that the text color is readable. There’s so much you can do with color on your blog, so don’t be afraid to play around with it.

Images

You can use images on your blog, in the header and the sidebar as well as in posts. There are a lot of stock photography sites that you can buy images from for cheap. Please do not use images you have not gained permission to use. This includes just searching Google Images for ones you like. Just because it’s online, does not mean it’s free to use. If you don’t want to buy images, then take your own.

Once you have an image, I use PicMonkey, an online photo editor to change the size, add borders, text on top and so much more. Sometimes I find myself lost for hours playing with images and all the fun stuff they have!

Font and Text Size

Lastly, I want to talk about the actual text of your blog. There is such a thing as text that’s too small, too hard to read or just the wrong font. Larger text is easier to read, that’s for sure. Most sites have a standard for around 12-14px font sizes. A personal blog can choose a wide range of fonts (but don’t expect readers to be able to see them, the font is browser dependent) to express your personality a bit more. But again, unless you are the only one going to read your blog, make sure it’s a font that others can read too.

I hope, with the help of this series that you are able to express yourself on your own submissive blog!

View more on Luna Carruthers's website »

Like • 0 comments • flag

Published on October 19, 2016 08:00

← Previous 1 2 … 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 … 81 82 Next →

Luna Carruthers's Blog

Luna Carruthers's profile
37 followers