Pat Hatt's Blog, page 98

A Sky Death Beam Reusable Stream!

Have you noticed remade plot devices at your sea? Remakes aren't good enough for you and me. Nope, now they have to remake the same thing. It has to be oh so threatening at ones wing.


Look, it's a remake. I still give Blue a head shake.But do you see the giant death beam in the sky?Keep an eye on it as the ghostbusting is given a try.

Oh look, it's back.A green glow it may lack.But it's the sky death beam.Iron Man didn't even need a team.

Wow, can this be real?Call the man of steel.It's another sky death beam. Even took it down without a team.

The death beam is back.A trash one is on the attack.It takes a whole suicide squad to stop it.Trash death beams in the sky are the shit.

Let's transform things.Whoops, out another springs.Those transformers couldn't change. Is that ironic or just strange?

The death beam is coming.Do you hear the humming?It may be the technodrome though. The TMNT are the only ones to know.

Oh look, it's still hear.Iron man has nothing to fear.The whole avengers take down this one.Sky Death Beam 2.0 was spun.

Has in the death beams sunk?This one rather stunk.You might not even know.No one watched this Independent death beam show.

Right on the poster.Not even good enough for a coaster.Complete crap through and through.But oh, the sky death beam is still in view.

And they say building hopping was bad.At least it was original by a tad.No sky death beams to show.Then again, they got 3 sequels to go.  Have you caught on to the sky death beams yet? I say that now yes would be a safe bet. What is it with death beams from the sky? Do these writers even try? Maybe Justice League and Avengers 3 will all go death beam 3.0 at their sea. Hell, maybe they'll skip to death beam 10.0. You really never know. I can fend off death beams with my gas. That just had to be added by my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Old And New Get A Clue!

 New and old.Truth be told.No fountain of gold,That may take hold.
Stuck like mold.That's not bold.Could make you fold.If you're sold.
Sold on what?The butt of a mutt?Nah, not that rut.Mind going putt putt?
But none are new.Maybe new to you.Yep, it's true.Through and through.
But that you knew.You had a clue.Just out it flew,You and your clue.
Old come nagging.Down they're sagging.Causing some lagging.Maybe some red flagging.
What was that?Still lost due to the cat?Insecurity chewing the fat?Get it where you're at?
Nothing new.New to you.No new is due.That is true.
Someone had it.Someone thought the shit.Someone had a fit.Someone bought into it.
Someone did not.Someone tossed the lot.Someone avoided a clot.Someone just fought.
Same old insecurities at play even if a new year has come to play. Which someone are you? If you're here then I'm guessing the later that came due. On insecurities I'll take a pass. I'm too much of a crazy little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Get A Drone At The Tone!

Call the cat today and I'll send a drone your way. Yeah, I'll fly it right to you. What? You don't believe this to be true? But drones are so much fun. I want to give one to everyone.

They can fly.
Fly real high.
They don't jerk.
That is a perk.

So they can fly.
I mentioned real high.
They have a high speed.
What more do you need?

Maybe take pics from the sky?
I said they could fly.
They can do that too.
Doesn't that impress you?

They can peep on the neighborhood.
You'll be king or queen of your hood.
Have the secrets of everyone,
As around they run.

You can deliver a payload.
No, not bomb mode.
But the cash you owe.
Damn, the bank fees in tow.

Make your own work.
That is another perk.
Deliver pizza you bake.
You won't be a fake.

No need for gas,
Or driving first class.
Just add your need,
And it will do the deed.

Got a big home?
Don't want to roam?
Fly things to the other side.
In your mansion you can hide.

And when in a funk,
It's time to get drunk.
No designated driver is needed.
Alcohol on demanded can be seeded

Did I mention it can fly?
It can fly really high.
Gets yours today.
I'll fly it your way.

Don't you want one now? Don't drones truly wow? They are just so woweeee. One should be had at every sea. They are only $967,896.54 from me. Why not buy three? They fly really high. And did I mention they fly? I may have said that in mass. I sure droned on with my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

A Spoiled Land At My Hand!

Or would the be paw? Maybe even claw? Beats the heck out of me. I am just going to spoil thee. Yep, it is very true. You will get spoiled at your zoo. Spoiled about what? It sure isn't a mutt.

A blog will post every day.
A new post will come to stay.
You've just been spoiled.
Spoiler free has been foiled.

Books will be released.
Nature of the beast.
I just spoiled you.
That makes times two.

Cat pics will be shown.
Maybe even throw a dog a bone.
Comics will be drawn.
A few times a month they will spawn.

Blogs with nothing to say,
Will show up anyway.
Food recipes will be had.
Could drive some mad.

Freebies will be shown,
At a weekly tone.
Prompts will be taken,
All around they'll be bakin.

Wacky will be loved,
Or at least in your face shoved.
Top ten lists will come due.
Some "what's going on" too.

Pics of the outside,
While out for a ride.
Some movie picks,
With enjoyable flicks.

Things may be insecure,
As the voices lure.
Thankful days will come,
Beating the happy drum.

Some lovey dovey will show,
Making a hairball grow.
Some battles will come due,
With music through and through.

The clones will play,
When not on a vacation day.
And the alphabet will be said.
Have to keep that fresh in your head.

Damn, that was tough work. I had to find that out from many a lowly clerk. They spilled the beans to me and now I did to thee. You've been spoiled on much of blogland. Aren't you glad I gave you a hand? Now there is no need for surprise. I tell you no lies. Any spoilers you have on the blogland mass? Feel free to spoil my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Back We Go With Nuts In Tow!

We haven't seen the nuts for a while as in the book world they sure did pile. But the new year almost didn't start. It was thanks to some kind of art.

     Cassie and I were out for a stroll when we saw the bug eyed creep on patrol. Tarsier Man was dancing like a loon and singing his tune. He sure thought he was grand and asked us if we needed a hand. We said no and he still wanted to charge us dough. What a creep. I hope he goes and falls in a hole somewhere deep. As he strolled away, Cassie and I saw a rather familiar display. It was that third person talking nut. He is worse than a crap eating mutt.
     "Drazin sees the fleabags have rid themselves of that crazy human, Pat. Drazin would be impressed if Drazin was impressed by fleabags." Drazin grunted and made his eyes glow. We are so glad him and his two dollar contact lenses are no longer a foe.
     "What's the godly mook want? We never sent for you. Wait, have we ever?" Cassie puffed her tail up in the air and we trotted by him without a care. Then the shit hit the fan. At first we blamed that third person talking man. "What did you do, godly mook?"
     "Drazin didn't do this. Drazin is here to stop it. Drazin is a god after all. Drazin knew you fleabags would be here and Drazin  figured Drazin would let you help."
     "How many times did he just say his own name? Damn, you are ever so lame." I got ready for an attack as I gave Drazin some flack. The clock was still stuck and everyone around us was as frozen as a buck. You know, one of those frozen in those headlight things that glow.
     "I did it. I did it." Gunafu of color kept cheering as he hopped in view. I hate him more than Drazin between me and you. "Hey! Why are you three able to move? I froze time so there could be no new year. I can rob the world of color and remake it in my colorful image before time ever stops again. You should be frozen like everyone else."
     "Way to keep your secret plan secret." Cassie snickered at the schmuck as he was more foolish than a cartoon duck.
     "Drazin is a god. Your puny power can't stop Duke Drazin. Drazin helped the fleabags out too. Drazin figured they would want to have a piece of you."
     "Ho, why is it like everyone is a snowman?"
     "Gung, I have no idea. Do you think it is a snowman conspiracy?
     "Ho, we have to get out of here. Frosty is out to take over the world."
     "Did you have to protect them?" Cassie asked, as Gung and Ho started searching for cover. They tip toed around each frozen person like a scared rover. "Ugg, and him too?"
     "Tarsier Man is here, everyone give a cheer. He'll save your bank. Fill up your gas tank..."
     "Even I don't want that damn rhyme in my head. Stop crime and stop causing us dread." I noticed Drazin smirking away. He had to have caused this whole foray.
     "This is not possible. My carefully thought out plan can't be stopped by a bald guy, a giant monkey, two cats and two stupid humans. This is not possible."
     "Why do people say that when it is happening? Do you think they don't know the meaning of the word?"
     "Another human! This is not possible!" Gunafu of color threw a tantrum as Pat showed up. He even spilled his paint cup. The color then leaked out onto the ground and movement was once again found.
     "And now Drazin's job is done. Drazin loves it when Drazin doesn't have to do any work. Don't you love Drazin's plans?" Drazin smirked and then trotted away. "See you soon, fleabags."
     "Wow, that was the easiest bad guy take down ever." Cassie laughed as I grabbed his brush and snapped it. My sharp teeth are really a hit.
     "Ho, they are moving."
     "Gung, it's snowman zombies. Everyone for themselves."
     "Everyone give a cheer. Tarsier Man is here."
     As the two fools ran away Tarsier Man acted like he saved the day. People actually cheered the nut while we went back to our hut. Pat started acting like he had voices in his head once more. It was at that point we figured we were bound for some far off shore. Did we make it home? Did we roam? I guess we shall see what comes to be. Just be glad you aren't frozen anymore there at your shore.

It was quite the new year's day. It almost didn't come to play. Did you notice you were frozen at your bay? That would sure cause some dismay. At least now the true story has been told. Let that sink in and take hold. I'll go chase snarky Cass with my ever so little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

A Little Change To Rearrange!

The magic day is back. Whoops, didn't we do that already this year at my shack? Back in October I think. Hmph, guess I'll have to go out and drink. Yeah, get drunk and sing a tune. It works for so many a loon.

May your day be the same.
May you keep the same name.
May you not drop dead.
May you not look like Fred.

May you not fall down.
May you not get run out of town.
May you not fall in a crater.
May you not get eaten by an alligator.

May you not tell a lie.
May you not trip and die.
May I not repeat myself any more today.
May you always have a litter tray.

May you not get rabies.
May you not get scabies.
May you not get scurvy.
May you not turn more curvy.

May you not fall off a ledge.
May you not get attacked by a hedge.
May you not forsake me.
May you not get a flea on your knee.

May you not fall in a ditch.
May you not deal with a gold digging bitch.
May you not think that goes one way.
May you not deal with a dick after your pay.

May you not get dumber.
May you not get beat by a drummer.
May you not lose your job.
May you not choke on corn on the cob.

May you not get hit by a car.
May you not get covered in tar.
May you not get probed by alien creatures.
May you not get stalked by horror creature features.

May you not have to watch a remake.
May you not get bacteria from a lake.
May you not need a file in a cake.
May you not have to deal with a fake.

May you not break a bone.
May you not get an unpleasant groan.
May you not get stuck in quick sand.
May you not run away with a killer clown band.

Isn't that a cheery tune? I'll sing it from now until tomorrow at noon. I may need a good beat though. May you give a good beat a go. Anything I missed? Care to add to the list? Could go on all day with this pass. I'll just end with pffft to any magic day says my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

The Cry Of The Lie!

So we all know lies float here and there, they float about with many to spare. The cat can spin a good one. Not that any here need to be done. But then trust is gone. Or is that all a con?

The sky is falling.
Some may be balling.
The waterworks may show.
Whoops, a lie stooped low.

A nuke went boom.
Some go all doom and gloom.
Stocking up a ton.
Whoops, a lie was spun.

A....shut up already.
We know you lie steady.
Cry wolf is all you do.
We won't believe you.

This is the best.
It beats all the rest.
Try it today.
Come and play.

Whoops, didn't work.
That isn't a perk.
It must be a mistake.
It sure can't be fake.

That is so grand.
All have it across the land.
Buy it with cold hard cash.
Come and make a dash.

Whoops, it was no good.
I must have misunderstood.
That is on me.
After all, it was on TV.

An awful product here.
Don't add it to your gear.
Stay far far far away.
Go somewhere else to play.

Wow, it was really grand.
They must have took a new stand.
No must really mean yes.
That is how they confess.

For the media can't lie.
They sit upon high.
No lying comes through.
It was on TV to view.

Ever notice that? One can tell a liar to scat. But they believe the media even when they cry wolf a 1000 times over. Are humans as dumb as rover? Might be insulting rover there. The media sure cry wolf to spare. I'll just roll my eyes and give them sass. That is all they'll get from my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

With This Embrace We Go To Space!

The cat has found another obsession in a long line. You humans sure do provide plenty of material for the feline. What is this one you ask? Why it is a beam me up task.

Things in space.
It's quite the race.
Who needs a moon?
Sing that tune.

Off to space.
We're an ace.
Off you go.
Quite a show.

A car in space.
Wow, what an embrace.
A tractor too.
Damn, that's new.

A duck in space.
Quite the case.
Throw in a towel.
That makes all howl.

A pointy rock.
That spells space shock.
A hillbilly banjo.
Way to go.

A half eaten pop tart,
As a work of art.
Some counterfeit money.
Aliens will find it funny.

A run down tank.
Take that to the bank.
A lucky rabbit's foot.
Won't be covered in soot.

Some mouth wash.
That idea we won't squash.
Viagra may as well go.
Just in case, you know.

A bag of cat shit.
There we have it.
A light bulb or two,
Along with a port-a-loo.

Some dog hair.
They have plenty to spare.
Maybe even some tax man bills.
Now those would bring thrills.

What would you send into space? Anything you'd embrace? I hope that is not the case. You humans are a strange race. Whoopdi friggin doo is all that can be said at my zoo. Wait! Let's send to space some grass. That would sure, not a chance, impress my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

A Right Takes Flight!

Well maybe more than one right as the cat takes flight. I couldn't stop. We don't want such things to flop. Humans must be in the know. We can't have them getting lazy and stooping low.

Animal rights.
Under spotlights.
There they are,
Near and far.

You've seen a ton.
They are given a run.
And good they are.
But there are more on par.

Your lap is fair game.
You and your flame.
You don't like it? Tough.
We will get rough.

Your attention is needed.
All day it must be deeded.
You will get a break when we say.
Otherwise, have a nice day.

You must shovel and scoop.
No matter if we have smelly poop.
If it's not clean,
Things may get obscene.

You must watch your own feet.
Some things may not be sweet.
If you step in goo or a hairball,
Hey, watch where you go down the hall.

You must hide breakables away.
If not, well okay.
You'll learn what will and won't break.
No need for a double take.

You must hide the paper.
Who can do such a caper.
Like the dog ate the homework.
Hey, paper as fiber can be a perk.

You have to pee?
Hold it at your sea.
We are on your lap.
Stay here while we nap.

Your food is ours as well.
Even stuff we can't spell.
We want it all.
You're our own private mall.

How are those rights? Don't they all deserve their own spotlights? Any you would add? No wonder we drive you humans mad. The cat loves it though as I run to and fro. I knock things over with each pass. It is so fun to do for my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Obsession Much? Just A Touch!

Humans sure have a few things they obsess over. At least it isn't the things of rover. Well in some cases I suppose. Let's just hope not many stoop to such lows. Time to rank and you can take that to the bank.

How was it?
Good or shit?
Great or grand?
Give it a hand?

Nope, not at all.
Trash on call.
Wait, it was great.
Don't give it hate.

....been there, done this.
What could be amiss?
Oh right, the rank.
At least it isn't dark and dank.

It was between one and three.
That is my ranking spree.
I'd put it above four.
But one and three take the tour.

Of those it would be a three.
That is the way I see.
Of that it would be number 6.
1,5,3,7,9 it couldn't nix.

Can't you rank?
No gas in the tank?
Rank it against more.
Give it an encore.

Make a fine list.
Nothing can be missed.
Rank it against all.
You can do it at your hall.

I'll pull rank if you don't.
Rank it you won't?
Well I rank you a zero.
You are no ranking hero.

How about you?
Ranking came due?
You get to be ranked 5.
That is great to survive.

I need to rank more.
Ranking is such chore.
This is ranked 1024 out of 2204.
Don't you love my ranking tour?

Do you insist on ranking everything? Do you give rankings a fling? The top ten this and that or best to worst of such and such where you're at? Humans seem to have to rank all and then give sass. Can't have anyone disagreeing with this pass. That is just oh so crass. Pffft I'll just let something rank come out of my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.