Pat Hatt's Blog, page 22

We Can Boast With An Instant Post!

Did you read that title this instant? Is it already distant? Like far in the past? My, you are fast. You got this instant thing down. You must go and get every instant in town. I am instantly impressed. Maybe not, damn, I confessed.

Instant savings.
Cure any cravings.
You'll instantly save.
Stock up and cave.

Here you go.
Follow the instructions below.
Your rebate will come...whenever.
Thanks for instantly saving with our endeavor.

Instant approval.
There is no removal.
Everything is instantly done.
Come and see how they run.

Fill out this...this...that...
We need to search out every stat.
The hours just ticked on by.
You are denied, but time sure can fly.

Instant return notification.
That is our built upon foundation.
We stick to our narration.
You will never die of starvation.

Your eyes are tired?
Your screen has expired?
Your stomach is growling?
Sorry, we were off moon howling.

Instant supper.
Not even a fixer upper.
Open and eat.
It's a tasty treat.

Warm, cook, fry...
Oh, sorry, we lie.
You have to add and do.
Then it instantly comes through.

Instant time saver.
No need for a waiver.
Just do and its done.
You can go have fun.

Hours and done.
Now have fun.
Tomorrow hours more.
Hey, at least you pay us to explore.

Are you instantly impressed? Are you instantly impressed that they confessed? Did the cat do that for each one? Do you instantly have a retort ready to be spun? Maybe Blue will copy and paste post haste. Do you believe the instant stuff? Boy, that instant stuff can be rough. I think I'll instantly pass some gas and that is all the instant that will come from my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

The Most Like Takes A Hike!

The cat is like most other cats. They rhyme and chew fats. No? Hey, at least I look out the window. They all do that? See? I am like any other cat. Okay, maybe not. But I am if I listen to you human lot.

Come what may,
Do it this way.
This is the how.
Like milking a cow.

Like most others.
From strangers to mothers.
Just the way it is.
Like most others needs no quiz.

Do it like that.
You won't fall flat.
You'll never improve,
But you'll find your groove.

There you'll stay.
Day by day.
Night by night.
Nothing's a fright.

This is just how.
Don't raise an eyebrow.
Keep a straight face.
Like most others you must embrace.

Be like that.
Ra ra ra with their spat.
Just be like them and agree.
Be like them and jump in the sea.

It's like most others.
Listen to human brothers.
And the sisters too.
Equal opportunity at every zoo.

It's like most others.
Damn, didn't add mothers.
But it is like most others around.
So go with it when found.

Don't question.
Don't make a suggestion.
Don't add anything in.
Stay compliant for the win.

It's done like most others.
It works like most others.
I cheated rhymed like many.
Or would that be any?

Do you act like most others? Allow things that smothers? Like make your brain dumb? Maybe like most others you have gone numb. Do you buy things that work like most others? Maybe because it is used by brothers? What if the thing is the one that isn't included in most? Would things then be toast? Geez, the cat is asking more questions than most others with today's pass. I'll continue to steer clear of being like most others though with my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

A Conspiracy Chair So Sitter Beware!

Not referring to a babysitter or catsitter or dogsitter or housesitter. Does that make you bitter? Hey, they have an app for those things. What? You were too busy looking for flings? They have plenty of spots for that too. Just be careful when you bring home someone new.

Time for a meal.
Time to all gather.
Can be quite the ordeal.
Stay home we'd rather.

Unless home is it.
Like a game of tag.
Then mingle a bit.
Hope there's no lag.

A tock and a tick.
A flap and a yap.
Who invited this dick?
Do I still have a bear trap?

Slowly there.
Slowly nearing.
Sitter beware.
Butts a down rearing.

As in sitting.
Take up space.
Doing all but shitting.
An ass to chair embrace.

But hold on.
A few are out.
This is a con.
What's it about?

A ragged one.
It doesn't match.
Hurts each bun.
A back ache will hatch.

Odd one out.
Maybe odd two.
The chair is about,
But it is eww.

Now for the end.
It comes to task.
Door open, hit send.
What's that you ask?

Where did the chairs go?
Why weren't there enough?
Damned if I know.
Now scram and take your stuff.

Did you ever notice that? Still confused by the cat? Ever go to a bigger, biggish, big kinda gathering thing? Ever run out of chairs to fling? Get it now? I knew you would somehow. It seems that every table is always short a chair or two. Who makes that rule come due? Does Santa steal chairs from each sea? I guess he needs them to make toys for you and me. Did you ever have to sit on one of those "extra" chairs with your back mass? They sure can be uncomfortable to humans and maybe even my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

The I Don't Blame What's His Name!

Did you know the cat was going to post today? No? Well I blame you for that at your bay. I post any other time. So did you really think I'd skip a rhyme? Yes? My, I blame you as you confess.

What's in a name?
Words all the same.
Or letters and stuff.
Don't have a huff.

Your house may blow.
You may eat snow.
The kind that is yellow.
Hear it's better if you let it mellow.

A dog told me.
I don't blame thee.
You didn't know.
Now you do though.

She did what?
Oh, she blew her hut.
As in she blew it down.
Were you in gutter town?

I don't blame you.
I can't at my zoo.
Wait. I can blame away.
What is it I'm trying to say?

Do you have to ask?
My, slow with the task.
Maybe you need blame.
Is it some kind of game?

I don't blame you.
Shh, yeah, I really do.
But nope, no I don't.
Blame you I won't.

Even with bad grammar.
At least I don't stammer.
Sure beats the slammer.
Did you really want to umm errr ram her?

That just rhymed.
It was so well timed.
I don't blame you for curling your nose.
Be careful you don't get stuck in that pose.

You'd blame you then.
You may blame my den.
And I don't, but really do, blame you.
Wait. How is there blame when none came due?

Do you blame me for making your head hurt? Hey, at least no blood did spurt. You even got to flirt. The gutter put on a skirt. Can it do that? I don't blame you for the visual where you're at. Would that be blame me? My, what blame can do to thee. How does blame come where there is none? Do you just go on a blaming run? I don't blame comes fifty times over. Guess what? If you did, no one would care, not even rover. So you don't or do blame someone far away for what they did or didn't do. Well whoopdi friggin doo. Are you a I don't blame them lad or lass? Pffft feel free to blame today's post on my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Time To Go Stranger Than The Money Changer!

Would the money changer be a banker? They may or may not be a wanker. Depends on who you get I suppose. Hey, I've gone to far lower lows. I guess that leads into today. But I'll prove it wrong on display.

I tripped and fell.
Damn it all to hell.
I even burned my toe.
How? I don't know.

Stranger things have happened before.
Umm, okay, let's go with that at our shore.
The house gets hit by lightning.
It is ever so frightening.

A ghost stops the fire.
But all still expire.
Now the ghost has playmates.
Take that to the fates.

Stranger things have happened before.
Damn, you really want to show me the door.
Werewolves eat the ghosts.
They then meet alien hosts.

The aliens probe away.
The werewolves turn into more of a dinosaur display.
The aliens get eaten up.
The dino werewolve things begin to hiccup.

They then change into a Disney princess.
They fart out alien flames at recess.
Then they give birth to paper people.
Then float in the air and land on a steeple.

God smites them from below.
Yep, he came down and put on a rock show.
Then it turns out he is a she.
She then pays off every debt from sea to sea.

Money starts to walk.
It then starts to talk.
It gives all paper cuts.
Now the world is ruled by mutts.

Time travelers try and change it.
But they end up causing more shit.
The mutts love the brown logs.
They then lose out to killer hogs.

Now the world is full of flying pigs.
And forever they force all to dance jigs.
Stranger things have happened before?
Bah, let your ass meet my door.

Do you ever say that? People usually use it for normal stuff where they are at. I'm sure stranger things have happened than you stubbing your toe. But stranger than my little story though? Hmm, maybe not yet. But if aliens come then they may tie this pet. Still, nothing stranger has, in reality, come to pass. That saying just lost to my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Under The Gun So Get It Done!

The cat needs you to do this now. It is a need that won't wow. But you need to get on it. It is some very very very urgent shit. You must do it. Stop everything else and do it with no fit.

This must be done.
A must is spun.
It is urgently in need.
It must take seed.

It is that urgent.
I'm out of detergent.
My clothes need cleaning.
Urgent is the meaning.

I have plenty more.
I have no need for them today at my shore.
But it HAS to be done.
I can't go enjoy the sun.

It is urgent I tell you.
It must be done at my zoo.
It is something urgent.
I really need my detergent.

Aww, I got it.
I used a bit.
My clothes are clean.
Ahhh I'm making a scene.

I'm out of trash bags.
I need to chuck old rags.
But I have no bags to use.
This doesn't amuse.

I urgently need it done.
I can't have any fun.
This is an urgent need.
Right now it must take seed.

It isn't like the detergent.
It is FAR more urgent.
Who cares if your opinion is divergent.
Don't be a trash bag insurgent.

This is a need.
A need to take heed.
With no trash bags my world will end.
It is an urgent need I must amend.

Forget feeding the kids, cats or dogs.
Forget the toilet that clogs.
Forget that work promotion.
This is so urgent I need to make a commotion.

Are you one of those? Making such crap give you woes? When really it is about as urgent as stepping on a tack? My, no wonder so many have a heart attack. Oh know, trash bags aren't there. You can't wash clothes with plenty to spare. The world is soooooo going to end. Pffffft to such an urgent trend. Now that I'm done with my sass, it is urgent that you leave a comment for my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Here You Go But Give It Back Though!

The cat is giving you this post today. I want back every word I say. But I am giving it to you. Does one or the other need to be true? Could it be both at play? Am I just confusing today?

Here you are.
It will take you far.
It's a broom.
Can sweep up many a mushroom.

Take it and go.
Sweep all that's low.
A year has past by.
I want my broom back, guy.

Here is a condom pack.
They sure don't lack.
Take them, they are yours.
Enjoy such umm tours.

Do you still have those?
I need to strike a pose.
I would like them back.
Even used in the pack.

Take this shirt.
Maybe go well with a skirt.
Take it and go.
Wow, you fill it out so.

I'd like that back.
You stretched it at your shack.
But I still want it.
I'll heave it in a fit.

Take this empty jar.
It will get you far.
Didn't I already say that?
Bah, trust me where you're at.

Fill it with ease.
Oh, I'd like it back, please.
I don't mind what's inside.
Ignore my smile ever so wide.

Here is this post.
Take it at your coast.
But give it back.
Every word at my shack.

Did you take it?
Nope, not a bit.
Does it still count?
Stuck on used condoms to mount?

Ever know anyone like that? Ever taken anything as a gift and then got asked for it back where you're at? That is why we usually avoid such stuff. No need to deal with that huff and puff. But we are fine with giving them sass. Oh, and you don't have to give the post back to my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Hit Those Three Before I Go To Pee!

You humans really sink to new lows. I guess brain cells just keep flying out windows. If they are closed do they bounce back? Nope we'd have to go with due to how many some lack.

Emergency! Emergency!
This is of an urgency.
I must get my phone.
911 my dog hasn't got a bone.

Bah, my life is over.
Poor, poor rover.
Can't someone bring it to me?
It is an emergency so I won't pay a fee.

Oh no. It has come.
911 I grew hair on my bum.
How can this be?
I don't want a hairy spree.

This is very very bad.
911 my stuffed animal has gone mad.
It stared at my the wrong way.
It is possessed at my bay.

This could be worse.
911 a neighbor gave a curse.
He said damn.
He also has toe jam.

911 they have bad grammar.
They deserve to go in the slammer.
Couldn't be worse is what they needed to say.
Come arrest them and make them pay.

This is horrible.
911 their customer service was deplorable.
Come and do something about it.
They didn't have a comfy place to sit.

How can this even be?
911 I found a flea.
It may even bite.
Yes, it just might.

This is so bad.
911 I lost my mouse pad.
Someone must have stolen it.
Can you believe that shit?

911 do I need a reason for calling?
No, I'm not sitting here stalling.
I just needed someone to talk to.
So what if a real emergency comes due.

People really call such crap in. Are humans really that dumb that they give 911 a spin? Ever hear of stupid 911 calls at your sea? I've seen news stories on a few that were set free. Hopefully you've never called them for such a thing. Butt dialing would be far better at any wing. Bad customer service isn't really an emergency for any human mass. But when you get fined I'll be sure and make fun with my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

A Name Is Made That May Or May Not Fade!

The cat raised an eyebrow the other day as this came to play. It is sure a weird one that came to pass. Aren't I already called a little rhyming ass? Among other things at my sea. Like Orlin, or Pat pretending to be me. Shhh, that last one isn't true. Hmph, guess I can't fool you.

Today is the day.
The day you want.
The day you stray.
That day you haunt.

For it is your day.
The day of the name.
Forever it shall stay.
The day you lay claim.

Not when you popped.
Out like a umm thing.
Nope, you got name dropped,
But that was a fling in spring.

It's still winter.
So you can't have that.
Go smash a printer,
Then come back to the cat.

Today you've made it.
Yeah, that I've said.
At least in some form or bit,
But I can't let it go to your head.

Or maybe I should.
This is your day.
And it's not that kind of wood,
Just in case you went that way.

For it's your name.
Not something like Bob.
Nope, that is just lame.
Hey, go speak to Rob.

For this is it.
The moment of all.
You will see it writ.
Or written or wrote on the wall.

Have to keep all happy.
Grammar nazis as well.
For you want to flappy.
It must stay oh so swell.

For it has been made.
Like a book on the shelf.
Nope, you can't trade.
You made a name for yourself.

Umm, did you pull it out of a hat? How did you go about that? Did you legally switch it? If not, the IRS may not like that shit. You made a name but didn't change yours? Is that like people sitting at home and taking tours? Can either even be done? Boy, is making a name for yourself a bit of a confusing run. The cat will stick to the name he made up with Cass and I will remain a little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

The Goal And The Flag Pole!

Run it up.Run it down.A frisky pup.A psycho clown.
Could be more.Could be less.Come ashore.Avoid the mess.
Make it work.Make it stick.A silly jerk.Take your pick.
Who or what.What or who.Make the cut.Or just boo hoo.
Boo the hoo.Who's the boo?Maybe the hoo?I'm asking you.
Reach the top.Reach the middle.Start to stop.Hey, diddle diddle.
Raise it high.Raise it low.Do or die.Not really though.
Stakes aren't dire.Death won't fly.Pop a tire.I might lie.
Next to top.Next to middle.Just don't stop,Keep that diddle.
Words will flow.Words shall come.How many? Don't know.But it'll be some.
News Flash for the IWSG bash. Winners of the anthology contest below as many gave it a go.

Oddly Suited by LG KeltnerSea of Sorrows by AV BrownBehind the Catcher’s Mask by Jennifer LaneA Diver’s Ball by Angela BrownFearless Heart by Deborah SoliceThe Dark Charade by CD Gallant-KingThe Cog Prince by Elizabeth MuellerFlower of Ronda by Myles ChristensenRemedy by Chelsea BallardCharleston Masquerade by Carrie-Anne Brownian
The top story has the honors of being included in the title. LG Keltner’s story came out on top! The official title of our next anthology – Masquerade: Oddly Suited. Congratulations, LG. (She was also in the top spot for our first anthology, Parallels: Felix Was Here.)
The IWSG Admins spent many hours reading the entries and fourteen were sent to our special judges. We certainly wish to thank them for taking time away from their own work to read the entries:
Elizabeth S. Craig,author Kelly Van Sant, agent at Red Sofa Literary Agency Elana Johnson, authorDL Hammons, Write Club founderS.A. Larsen,authorKristin Smith,authorGwen Gardner, author and previous IWSG anthology winner
Look for Masquerade: Oddly Suited late spring!
Ever set your goals too high? Think they should go to the top of the flagpole in the sky? Do you see what you do get done? Do you go all nuts thinking you'll die if they aren't given a run? Unless you have this or that, like a disease where you're at, that won't come due. So don't hoo the boo. Or boo the hoo? Hey, again, I asked you. Trying and realizing what you have done is the best way to come to pass. On that you can trust my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.