Pat Hatt's Blog, page 177

Some Dumb Holiday Cheer Or Fear?

So the cat was looking about here and there when he came across the dumb at his lair. Now that is not hard to do with so many humans from zoo to zoo. But these take the cake with their dumb umm mistake.

A person was trapped on an escalator for hours.
They really have such astute powers.
The power was out so it did not work.
I guess walking down it was not a perk.

One person was so grand,
They posted something fun in Facebook land.
They never knew apples could be green.
Yeah, they were old enough to watch an R scene.

When a person showed a Michael Jordan stat plate,
Telling all of his best basketball fate,
Someone thought it was his tombstone.
I guess dumb you can hit there at the tone.

A person left his phone at a friend's place.
The friend found it in his space.
So he grabbed his phoned and texted that he had the phone.
Ummm err okay, groan.

The best of the best.
Can beat all the rest.
Does it take 18 months for twins to be born?
Maybe they ate some bad corn?

Another is such a fan,
You should find her with her bimbo tan.
She just found out the Titanic sinking actually took place.
Cue the wtf look on your face.

Another got to swim in a lake.
This also gets a wtf head shake.
They got to swim in an underwater lake.
Care to go underwater and partake?

Here is a question for you.
Watch out, it may be tough to view.
What percentage of water celery is?
Dumb and said that way to with its biz.

This person saw the dumbest elevator ever.
They sure are not clever.
It had a button for the floor they were already on.
I wish such a dumb thing was a con.

And finally a movie/book one.
You may find it fun.
Is the hunger games based on a true story?
Yep, just like The Neverending Story, morning glory.

So there are some bright humans for you today. I am surprised some of you ever make it through the day. Does that not get you into the holiday spirit? Or does it make you fear it? Either way, was fun to do a dumb human pass for my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Blogvengers Are Done, But Where's The Final One?

Looking for chapter ten at my sea? The cat is going to be mean to thee. I know that is not very Christmas like with this spree. But oh well, it is July as I write this, so sue me.

Blogvengers is done,
The end of its run.
Part ten is written.
Who got bitten?

I guess you will have to see,
With another book from me.
20,000 words in rhyme again.
I can't be stopped at my den.

Some bloggers got eaten,
Some others beaten.
Some went crazy loon,
Like a Saturday morning cartoon.

Well Betsy is more Hannibal like.
But many took a hike.
A tiny bit more serious tone then the last,
But still bloggers added to the cast.

But how does it all end?
I guess you'll have to hit send.
Or click here below.
Then you'll be in the know.

Hey, at least I saved you the time,
It would take to read the huge rhyme.
Or to skim away,
So you can enjoy your day.

Now Blogvengers is through.
The big story for this year has come due.
Next year's is in mind.
Sure it will be crazy of some kind.


Orlin, Cassie and their crazy human Pat are back. Once again they have been whisked away from their comfy shack. Zombies with Powers are attacking this time. Duke Drazin also shows up still gloating about being a god in his prime.

Unlike their adventures in Island of The Gawker and Glitch of a Witch, this time seems a bit more like they may end up dead in a ditch. Someone is out to kill bloggers everywhere, whether cat, dog or human blogger he just does not care. He will end bloggers by sending them to a land filled with zombies with powers. Will they survive the grueling hours? Will they find a way back home once again? Find out as bloggers everywhere lose their ability to pen.

Click Here for a peer
Enjoyed your part in it? Are you sad that you got bit? Or thrown in a pit? Or violated by a tiny zombie a bit? The cat could go on and on at his sea. But I will relieve thee. So another book is added to the mass of those put out by my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

A Little Ho-ing Gets A Showing!

Oh where that could take the mind if you go to a gutter of some kind. But let's just skip that or at least wear a nifty hat. They make nifty ones for this time of year. Okay, on with it from my rhyming rear.



Insecurity is on the rise,
As Santa takes to the skies.
Now it is not just a book,
But presents too at ones nook.

Will they like?
Will it strike?
Will I get the "nice" look?
I could write a book.

Isn't it fun,
How things are spun?
Open a gift or a book,
You want that "wow" look.

Then it gives the ego a boost,
And lets whatever come home to roost.
Yeah, each have a whatever.
I am just so clever.

Set up for a big fail.
Like pulling a cat's tail.
You will get a whack upside the head.
Same thing, sorta, as both cause dread.

By why let it bother you?
The next day the cows will still moo.
You will still rise.
Unless food for flies.

Then you just won't care.
No longer will you be aware.
So either way you are fine,
Just trust the feline.

Praise is great.
Such a nice fate.
All look for the trait,
Hating the hate.

Unwrap it all,
There at your hall.
Then in the end,
You'll be ready for either trend.

With nothing to fear,
You'll enjoy time in the here.
Things will stay clear,
Unlike my confusing rhyming rear.

There is the cat's holiday advice. Now I will go chew on some mice. The cat takes everything that comes his way. What the hell I say. Of course some I'd like to whack upside the head with a shoe, but you just have to give a whoopdi friggin doo. That is all today class from my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

We Don't Wait For Such A Date!

You humans get gifts once a year. That does not work around here. The cat wants them once a week or Pat will be up the creek. We can easily make that occur, leaving him more than fur.


All through the house the toys gather.New ones Cassie and I would rather.But I catch a little nap,While we wait for that Pat chap.
 
I see he is back.Empty handed at our shack.So I give him some sass,Worthy of my rhyming ass.

I sass and snub.He better get some grub.That is double the attitude.Yes, the cat is rude.
 
See! Cassie is even too prissy for my sass.The cat says more than just ass.Pat and Cassie have nothing on me.I'm like a foul mouthed sailor at my sea.

Then I just ignore.Pat better go explore.I want new toys now.He won't get another meow.

Works every time.He drops everything on a dime.We get more stuff.I can chew off the fluff.

I give Cassie one,And away she will run.The rest is for me.That string sure is yummy.

Then I sit beside Pat,Like a nice, happy cat.I even set my tail up just right.Until something else catches my sight.

What could it be?More toys or Cassie?Nope, not today.Nap time at our bay.
 
It's my chair.So you can sit and stare.I got what I wanted in the end.Boy, it is hard work, this toy hording trend.
See, you humans are just doing it wrong. Yeah, you can sing a happy Christmas song. But I get new toys every week. No waiting once a year for a sneak and peek. The cat has it down and can be quite crass. But that you knew about my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Round...Wait What At My Hut?

The search engine crazies are now in song? That is just so wrong. But then again it turned out grand. The search engine crazies can now be shouted out across the land. Don't believe that cat? Hitting play below is where it is at.




Often
Your search engine
Finds you what you need
End up getting flirty,
And your eyes may surely bleed.

is it a sin for men to use a hairbrush in there bum

To go blind as a bat
Search something like that.

Often
Your search engine
Frees your mind from thought.
But answers become questions
When you search a lot.

booger on my finger and won't come off flash page

To get a booger flash,
Search it with a slash.

Often
Your search engine
Guides you through life.
But be sure to wrap it,
When cheating on your wife.

what does a condom look like

To get a bouncing baby,
Search it with a maybe.

Often
Your search engine
Monitors what you do.
So throw off the NSA,
By trying something new.

rhyming death threats

For green eggs and ham,
Search to get out of a jam.

Often,
Your search engine
Gives you quite the view.
Look for something special,
And you may just get two.

nice ass from behind

To move from front to back,
Search without using rack.

Your search engine provides,
Your search engine provides.
Now wasn't that great? No search engine posts can relate. Okay, maybe as crazy as can be. But hey, these nuts find me. So why not make a tune come to pass. It works for my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

A Little Display Of The Other Day!

The cat was going along his way when such crazy things came into the fray. It was as if aliens landed nearby. Probe me they never want to try. I'll take out their huge eye. Oh me, oh my.

I was eating a snack,
When Alien Radio caused flack.
They were loud and proud.
Saturday Fun was not allowed.

The shag carpet got upset.
Mickey Al-Donovan cursed the pet.
Maybe he was just an old grump?
How you know you are getting old, chump!

Maybe you are put off by miniskirts?
The lonely heart yonder hurts.
Oh whoa as me.
The sickly report sure causes no glee.

So bring on the weekend.
That is a fine trend.
How can that go wrong?
Maybe if you sing a Bavarois aux mangues song?

Wait! What the hell is that?
Ask other S things like splat.
Could ask the sky as well.
But MPOW Solar Lights may not find it swell.

What does a solar light care?
Maybe its stomach has knots when aware?
The sun and the sky need to get together.
The Snow Dance is just no kind of fun weather.

Unless you are crazy like Betsy and Optimistic long name.
He has to be with his Let's Get Political claim.
But then all politicians are just windbags anyway.
Maybe we need the fascinating case of Dennis Rodman at the end of the day?

Err umm maybe not.
Pain and Angst of elections are already a lot.
Elections may be a word that is reaching.
So let's go to the ups and downs of teaching.

That would be less of a fuss.
Unlike the cat who chose us.
Could be out of the fire and into the frying pan.
Yeah backwards, But hey, Baby it's the guitar man.

Have I confused you?
Do you want 50 questions, Part Two?
Was there even 50 questions in there?
See what aliens and Disney Magic Shots can do to ones lair?

I may have gone insane? Bah, just those aliens boarding a train. Or maybe it was a blogroll stroll. Either way, the cat met his goal. Did you say an S word with all of that? Done with 50 questions from the cat? I am through with my sass and I'm no longer an abducted little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

More Reasons Not To At Your Zoo!

Was on Twitter the other day, bored at my work bay. What else can I say? But that is the typical 9-5 way. Anyway, saw some more gems come due and just had to share them at my zoo.

"My outside voice broke"
I hope you don't choke.
"That dog is so mean."
Did it eat your spleen?

"What? A mailing list and you get free stuff?"
Oh your ploy I can see right through easy enough.
"I done it today!"
Umm err okay.

"Shoes on the left, shoes on the right."
I guess now we just need to yell, fight!
"My toaster tried to eat me."
I take it it failed at eating thee?

"Thinking out loud today."
You must type loud at your bay.
"Can't do it....Can't do it."
Take exlax and you'll do it in a bit.

"How to read literature like a proffessor in 5 days."
I take it you aren't a professor, at least one that pays.
"The most comprennhessive stuy EVER dun!"
Somehow I think I'll skip that one.

"Click this link and get xxx photos of me."
And you can get a virus for free.
"Man inspires world to love their job."
Sorry, not about to join that mob.

"Y do I never get my dat?"
I just don't know, mate!
"Arggg my pants are on fire."
If you are typing it it can't be dire.

"Shrinkage, deciving people about..."
Come now, don't pout.
"real motherhood with eight arms rocks."
Hmm time to change the locks?

"Make today count, eat math homework."
That is sure a yummy perk.
"Magazines are dead."
Did you just get out of bed?

"My schedulur brok to peaces today."
That isn't the only thing broke at your bay.
"Buy me a brand new car!"
Go try a drunk at the bar.

See, now don't you want to go tweet with glee? Everything is there for thee. You can find everything you want and more. All you have to do is explore. Click a link and get a free std, at least the kind that causes your computer no glee. I guess it can amuse to make time pass and give blog fodder to my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Zombies Part Umm Four Take The Tour!

Another year is almost down. That means today the nuts fly all over town. Let's barrel through each other like we are on fire. But wait! The situation is far more dire.

That thingy maggy is $10 off.
It can really cure a cough.
That TV is as big as can be.
I need it at my sea.

I'm a fast moving zombie today.
Buy buy buy they say.
I will charge it and run.
More debt is always fun.

I need this stuff.
Life is so rough.
I will no longer mutter,
If I have more clutter.

Forget about dinner.
This sale is a winner.
I get an extra 2 dollars off with my coupon as well.
I am so lucky I'm going to Hell.

Maybe sooner than I think.
Look at that kitchen sink.
I'll fight and I'll shout.
I'll make the other guy pout.

A thief in the night.
I will win every fight.
I will save a ton.
Shopping is so fun.

Even if I spend, spend, spend.
I save a ton in the end.
I get a lot of junk too.
Whoa hoo!

Now my car is filled.
Next month I may get billed.
But I'll worry about that then.
Now it's off to my den.

Look what I was able to save.
This one is truly my fav.
I bought two of it.
Isn't it just the umm spit?

Who cares if I only have room for one.
Buying two just had to be done.
Don't be a Scrooge at your sea.
Buy, buy, buy on a shopping spree.

Don't you get all cheery and bright when such great sales come to light? You get to be a fast moving zombie at your sea and hit others with an elbow or knee. Black Friday once again get a bash pass from my online shopping little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Blogvengers Part Nine, Zombies Try To Dine!

Chapter 9
The Two Towers
Zombies With Powers
     Drazin let his eyes glow bright red and moved around his head. He showed the group the path, as each of them waited for some kind of zombie wrath. Truedessa knew her stones would not work without the open sky, but she figured out other ways to make the zombies fry. Pat was still crazy with all the voices in his head and the cats just kept wishing they were back home in bed.
     "Drazin is kind of disappointed, so far ascending this tower has been super easy."
     "Demon, you just had to go and say that."
     The stairs turned into a slide and it sent the entire group for a ride. They slide right back to the bottom and then beyond. They all ended up below the tower in what seemed like a pond.
     "Water, eww!"
     "It doesn't bother me. Cassie, don't be so prissy."
     Cassie jumped around and climbed on Pat's shoulder. She sat on him like he was a boulder. Orlin did not care and then the group caught something in Drazin's red glare.
     "Did Drazin see what Drazin thinks Drazin just saw?"
     "Get over here."
     Truedessa pulled Pat and Cassie near her as Cassie continued to clean her fur. Orlin stood near them all and Drazin shined his eyes on the wall. There hanging on the wall was something that looked like it was from some museum hall. It was some ancient creature that had quite the zombie feature. The thing jumped into the center of the pond and stretched its wings out, looking like it wanted to bond. It then opened its mouth and seemed ready to stunt everyone's growth.
     "A zombie dragon. Godly mook, you had to open your big mouth."
     "Demon, we shall slay it. Ouch!"
     Truedessa whacked Pat in the head and tried to get another voice to pop in so they could cause the zombie dragon dread. It breathed puke like fire and all found the situation rather dire. They scattered in every direction, trying to escape its detection. Pat continued to speak in many voices as well. But not the one Truedessa found swell.
     "Take that! You can't beat the cat."
     Orlin kicked water in its face with his back feet. The zombie dragon sure did not think that was neat. It breathed puke fire right at him. Drazin then tried to give its neck a trim. He yanked off his golden shoulder armor and moved around behind it. He aimed at its neck with the sharp edge and went for the hit. The zombie dragon's tale waved around and whacked Drazin up side his head, knocking him to the ground.
     Cassie tried her best to climb back up the slide. But she kept falling back in, getting wet, and creating a small tide. Truedessa tried to summon some magic stones to kill it, but she could not make any appear in the underground pit. She kept slapping Pat who ran through different voices in his head, sometimes no one could even understand what was said.
     "Drazin is going to make this thing pay."
     "Do it now godly mook. Use your dollar store contact lenses and fry the thing."
     "Shut up, fleabag."
     "I'll give the thing fleas right on its knees."
     "It's flesh is already rotten. That isn't going to work."
     "Oh and slapping Pat upside the head will. Now is no time for a thrill."
     "By my calculations..."
     "Nope, wrong one."
     Truedessa slapped Pat again, as he scrolled through the voices of many men. The rest of the group continued to bicker as the zombie dragon's puke flames continued to flicker. There seemed to be no way out. They were easy prey, like trout.
                                 ****************************************
     Zombies seemed to be coming from every direction. Brian's gawk even caught one with an undead erection. He shot it in the head and made sure that one was good and dead. Anne and Elsie kept to their Amazonian ways, using swords to chop off zombie heads as they went through the zombie maze. Hank kept shouting he was number one, as around and around he continued to run. Mary got the zombies that came near, cursing one as it almost bit her on the ear. Alex kept watch for tiny zombies returning. as his butt was still burning.
     "You zombie eejits will never defeat me." Anne gave a Xena warrior cry and then gave a kiss to Old One Eye.
     "Is now really the time."
     "You're just jealous all you got was some zombie ass." Anne made fun of the ninja wannabe and went back to her zombie killing spree.
     "Brian, we may have been safer at dVerse or crazy Betsy's."
     "I am number one."
     Brian gawked at Hank and everything else in view. He waved off Hank having a loose screw. He then spotted a door and gave a roar.
     "There!"
     The group followed Brian as the zombies nipped at their heels, wanting to make all of them meals. They just never seemed to end. It was like there was a zombie making machine that just kept hitting send. They ran in the room, Hank first, and slammed the door shut, locking it and sealing it with a broom.
     "I was number one!"
     "Brian, why is this room so bright?"
     Brian tried to gawk, still missing his mohawk, but the room was all aglow. It seemed to be giving off every color of the rainbow.
     "This is not good. That could be my next hit song if someone had not smashed my last guitar."
     Alex held onto his grudge while none of the rest of the group seemed able to budge. It seemed the light was holding them in one spot. It then took form and smelled of zombie rot. It was a super powered rainbow zombie that could freeze all below it. Anne kept trying to move, throwing a fit.
     "You zombie eejit. I am going to..."
     Anne got blasted in the face with a yellow light. It blinded her because it was so bright. Elsie tried to help her out, but she also could not move and she could not even shout. Elsie then got blasted with a blue light, everything around her turned into a fright. She was seeing demons in everybody now. Brian had turned into a demon zombie cow.
     Alex got hit with a red light and now everything he seemed to want to fight. Hank got hit with a green one and all he wanted to do was have fun. Mary took the last color to the face, after being hit with the pink light all she wanted to do was embrace.
     "I love you, Anne." Mary hugged Anne, like she was a huge fan.
     "Brian, you destroyed my guitar, you will pay."
     Alex lunged at Brian who just jumped out of the way. He really wanted to make Brian pay. Everyone seemed able to move once again, as they ran around the rainbow den. The rainbow zombie seemed to be enjoying the show, watching everyone sink to a new low.
     "I will still chop your head off, you eejit."
     Anne gave her best Xena scream and swung her sword around and around. She felt breath on her neck and yelled for all to hit the deck. She swung around and smiled with delight, thinking with one strike she ended this plight. Instead when she bent down and felt the head, she was filled with dread. She chopped off the head of her lover, Old One Eye. She was dead and Anne began to cry.
     "I'm number one, I'm number one." Hank jumped around like a hyper two year old, letting all the fun take hold.
     "Do you need a hug?"
     Mary tried to hug Alex and Brian as they fought. But she got pushed away as she neared their spot. She got pushed right into the rainbow zombie, and with one bite, he bit the neck of Mary. She fell to the floor, as the zombie scratched off one more.
     "I am number three. That can't be. Pick me! Pick me!"
     Hank jumped up and down, wanting to restore his number one crown. He jumped right in the rainbow zombie's face. Hank was quickly made into a snack after the zombie gave him an embrace.
     "You are dead, eejit."
     Anne got up with tears in her eyes. She did not care about the other guys. She just swung her sword around and around, hoping on the rainbow zombies neck, its blade would soon be found.
     "I want my guitar back."
     "Get a grip, man."
     Brian flipped Alex off of him. Alex landed beside the zombie and thought things were grim. He got up to run away, but as he turned he was left in dismay. An oncoming Anne chopped his head clean off. She then heard the zombie cough. She perked up her ear and took one more swing. She finally chopped off the head of the undead thing. Anne's sight was restored and she saw Brian was the only other one alive, thanking the lord.
     "Let's end this."
     Anne marched out the back door and up the stairs, giving off a few swears. Brian gawked everything one final time, feeling sorry for all who had been knocked down in their prime. He then followed Anne and gawked for traps. In the distance the pair heard some echoing claps.
                                     ****************************************
     "Buckaroo, hold on to your side shooters." Pat yanked Truedessa out of the way of another incoming puke fire ball spray.
     "Finally, now just turn around."
     Truedessa placed each of her hands on Pat's shoulders and concentrated as hard as she could. Pat pointed his finger, and the cats finally understood. Drazin eyed his burnt armor and curled his nose. He wanted to make this zombie dragon suffer new lows.
     "Drazin, get out of the way. Just wait a minute to make the thing pay."
     Orlin jumped up and kicked Drazin out of the way while Pat's finger began to give off an icy display. A few seconds later, just as the zombie dragon got ready to puke fire, an ice beam shot out of Pat's finger that the rest of the group did admire. It froze the zombie dragon in place. Drazin then got an evil look on his face.
     "Drazin is going to make this thing pay for what it did to Drazin's armor. Out of the way, fleabags."
     Drazin marched up to the frozen zombie dragon and gave it a kick. The thing  then burst to pieces some slick. Cassie, who was ticked off and wetter than she had ever been in her life. Jumped on the broken shards, cracking them further, for all the added strife. Orlin joined in and the group enjoyed their win.
     "Drazin is glad that crazy woman can make use of your crazy human, fleabags."
     "We are glad too. But the both of them are cuckoo."
     "Can we get out of here so I can get clean. I will have to bath for a month."
     The group watched as the slide became stairs once again. They could hear faint clapping from some far off den. Cassie jumped out of the water as fast as she could. Drazin was ready to end the ruler of this hood. Orlin hopped up, looking for some sand and Pat and Truedessa followed, ready for their last stand.

*********************************
And with only one chapter left to go, how will it end at my show? I guess we shall see one way or another soon. Maybe all will have death by spoon? That would sure cause bad gas. I would not want to be a spooned to death little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Better Take Stock As You Gawk!

The cat notices hoarders get a lot of wtf looks, and yeah they deserve it at their nooks. But what about chuckers too? Those ones who chuck every last thing in view.

Don't need this,
Don't need that.
This I won't miss,
So go now, scat!

My place is bare.
My place is clean.
Not one single hair,
Quite the scene.

I have to go.
I have to crap.
But oh no!
No TP in any gap.

The toilets plugged,
Now I'm pissed.
This makes me bugged,
A plunger I missed.

Damn, I'm bare.
I did not mean that.
People will stare,
My clothes went splat.

My teeth are rotting.
My breath does stink.
This clean plotting,
I need to rethink.

The dust is gathering,
The floor has dirt.
I have no soap for lathering,
No water bottle to squirt.

No curtains at all,
That doesn't bother me.
Damn, I walked down the hall,
Outside saw my naked spree.

No door on the place.
At least I have fresh air.
I can see every face,
That passes my lair.

And the best of the best,
Is I can pass every test.
I can very easily rest.
No pillow, blanket or bed to cover my chest.

Many hoarders are as crazy as can be, but so are the chuckers at one's sea. I chuck away here at our bay. But there comes a point where common sense kicks in. Sadly, I've seen some of the above at a bin. No TP is just a crime in mass. That will never happen to my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.