Pat Hatt's Blog, page 175

Merry Christmas To All From Our Hall!

The cat will keep it short today. Yeah, you all know I post every day. Did you expect anything less? Oh yeah, short, hmmm may not I must confess. But today I will pretend to be nice. That has to be worth the price.


See! Eat, drink and be merry.Enjoy your day and don't be contrary. Unless you actually are Mary and hate that.Then hit the gym so you don't get fat.

 Oops, Cassie isn't PC.Shame on her at my sea.Maybe that's why she hid in a sock?She sure can gawk.

See, I can do PC.I even talk to thee.Cassie just gave a dirty look.Hope all is grand at your nook.

 Kitten pics abound.Joy and love can be found.Just look at us little.Just makes your heart brittle.

 So from us to you,Hope you have a great day at your zoo.Hopefully Santa found you as well.He sure can leave gifts that are swell.
That was only half the post of any other day. See, kept it short at my bay. I could get mouthy here I suppose. Instead I'll go bite Santa's toes. Merry Christmas from, Pat and Cass and my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Today We Explore The Night Before!

So it is the night before Christmas, or technically day, and you know the old tale, everything wasn't stirring as Santa hit the trail. But why does Christmas only get a rhyme? Aren't other nights still a fun time?

It was the night before Valentines Day and two started to sway.
A guy with a loaded diaper came and ruined their day.
Yeah that would not go over well.
So better scratch that diaper guy hell.

It was the night before an Anniversary and both wondered why.
Thankfully with a good divorce lawyer the end was nigh.
That may be a downer too.
Plus it will surely cost you.

It was the night before Surgery and the bottom was bare.
You were cleaned out so well it even took the hair.
A nasty thought.
Ignore that one a lot.

It was the night before New Years and all were drunk.
They cheered and sang until they upchucked, kerplunk.
Blah to that too.
That will turn one blue.

It was the night before Daylight Savings Time and everything was set.
A little fall back and spring ahead gets your needs met.
Hmmm a bit dirty.
It might even be flirty.

It was the night before Retirement and the last of the work was done.
The bags were packed but it turns out you have no money to have fun.
Those credit card bills caught up.
Damn, that would be a hiccup.

It was the night before your Birthday and your need for math.
Adding another number can also give you an excuse for wrath.
The big 50 may scare some.
So repeating such a verse could turn them numb.

It was the night before Moving and all was packed.
A cat came along and now everything was no longer stacked.
Hey, what goes up must come down.
Yeah, that could make some frown.

It was the night before a New Post and Hank waited with glee.
He wanted to be number one and shout out, yippeeee!
At least Hank would appreciate that one.
Not sure others would find it fun.

It was the night before another night and it was nightly.
The black was so black that the black was just sightly.
Yeah, that could bore.
So that one we won't explore.

So I guess Christmas gets the win as it rhymes away the night before at every inn. Any other nights that deserve one you think? None with any diaper stink. Now another day/night before Christmas has come to pass. Enjoy and be merry like my merry little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Whoopdi Friggin Doo And The Christmas Crew!

Robbie Raisin is back and today's show sure does not lack. Today on Whoopdi Friggin Doo we ask what the season means to you. Some Scrooges sure abound. But we all know they are around. So without further adieu I give you another edition of Whoopdi Friggin Doo.

Theresa, what do you think of carolers at your door? Singing is quite the chore.

Must easier to call them a dipshit in my head and walk away

Damn, you are mean. Stephanie Faris do you make such a scene?

People are just SO rude! I have always believed it's better to be polite than rude...but apparently other people don't feel that way!

That is one big SO. Betsy, can you add your like of snow?

Yes, but I really am right!
Really!
No, really!

Are you still on that? What a dingbat. Robyn, got a gift that will make your spirit lift?

"Women veginas"? Are there "men veginas" too?

Hmmm err umm okay! Brian, can you answer her for us at your bay?

...with a swollen head
thats right

Damn, that has got to hurt. Truedessa, are you that crazy or just alert?

so tell me where does everyone belong
as the wrongs, don't like the rights
maybe, there is hope in the light

Hope in a Christmas tree? Yep, you are crazy. Rosey, any words of wisdom so far on those at our bar?

I'm going to refrain out of good taste for what I thought of for one of them

Damn, she thinks one of the above is, we can't spoil her secret biz. Snowcatcher, did you catch snow? How does that go?

Might as well be a can of worms.

I guess she wants to go fishing. Marg, what are you wishing?

Hope everyone has a fantastic Monday

Umm a day late and a dollar short?  Brian the cat, anything to report?

I needed to call FartBusters!

Did you really have to share? Hank, what makes this season rare?

No.#1
Hank

No, that is every day.  Eddie, care to add to the dismay?

Pardon me if I say "shit"
I've just had an almighty fit
Wrong email I have used again
Sorry to be such a pain . . . . lol

This is supposed to be PG you know. At least no wanker came to our show. Manzanita have anything on your mind? You don't have to be kind.

Go, Vacuum Heads, you spoil the day

Who knew those nozzles had such power. Elsie, any good cheer you wish to shower?

I better start eating my vegetables
so I can have something healthy to call
my region down below
to think right now I just called her Moe 

We hope Moe is okay this holiday. Alex, ready to have your say?

I think it means something other than a female vegan

Still trying to help Robyn out? Do the Tabbies of Trout Towne have anything to shout?

we dunno bout ewe guys... but we iz damn thanx full ta lurn other catz fartz bee stinkin two

I guess you and Brian need to call Fartbusters together. Gloria, don't you love this weather?

Ah Betsy dear you are stressed remember??

How nice of thee thinking about poor Betsy. Mary, have you any final words that are good for birds?

You never know what rock they are hiding under

Be one flat bird. Betty, is this absurd?

seems totally weird to me 

See, you all scared her away. Anne, prove there is cheer this holiday.

blow jobs r us
oh what bad taste

Hmm well that can bring some cheer. Sherry, did that cause fear?

OMG.

I take it that is a yes. Optimistic, anything to confess?

Better you than me, for sure
Seeing these makes me feel impure

Well you aren't supposed to watch. After this I need a scotch. Who knew Optimistic was a peeper? And so ends another edition of Whoopdi Friggin Doo that is a keeper.

***********************
Wow, you guys really let all hang loose. That might embarrass even a dead Christmas goose. At least that takes skill. But nice of you to add to the Whoopdi Friggin Doo rumor mill. Now I will go wash in mass, I feel like a dirty little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

A Gif From Me To You At My Zoo!

So the cat thought you all deserved a gif this holiday. What? Going to go on about spelling at my bay? Well you'd be wrong. The gift of the gif is here with a cheery song.


It is the time of year,When all are filled with cheer.Most likely from the excess beer,But let's not leer.

See! Drunk chipmunks too.Oh what a stupor can do.Lights can sure amuse.But don't blow a fuse.

Or you could get a shock.Then its jingle bell rock.Bells around your neck,And your nose becomes a wreck.

You become slow.How does that go?Slow from a glow?Damned, if I know.

Scared of your own face?Can't tie a shoe lace.All from a shock,And some jingle bell rock.

The shocking laughter,You here from floor to rafter.All you can do is pout,Looking like a trout.

So instead of the shock,Join the Christmas flock.Yell like a crazy nut.Santa is coming to your hut!

Get some groceries and walk home.You'll need them for when he comes to roam.But damn it, the bags break.It makes you do a double take.

Screw Christmas and all its crap.You flip off that Santa chap.Taking a vacation to the coast,Where in the sun you'll roast.

So as the moon shines bright,And you see Santa take flight,Let him be the one to turn on the light,  And then wish all a good night.
There you are. Never play with lights at your bar. It can zap brain cells you know. Then you could be dumber than a crow. You could also fry your toe or something else below. Now I must go and end my flow. I hope you liked my gifs to you though today at my show. The cat gave you gifs in mass. No need to thank my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Another Interview At My Sea, This One Scares Me!

So the cat was not looking for another interview at his sea. 100,000 comments has already been hit by me. But this nut would not stay away. I guess he thought he could make my day.

Who are you?
Why red and no blue?
Are you a bull fighter?
I hope you aren't an ankle biter.

Ho ho ho!
All I know.
For Christmas you want catnip.
How about a little sip?

Wow, you are perceptive of me.
Catnip would cause glee.
Catnip for a cat.
Who could ever think of that?

You will go on my naught list.
I make sure every house isn't missed.
I will give you coal.
If a smart aleck is your goal.

Smart aleck or smart ass?
Excuse me, I have gas.
About the same as you.
Every house? Pffft right and I moo.

Don't question the magic.
Your cynicism is tragic.
You need to stop and think.
Now how about a cookie and that drink?

Tragic you say?
Damn, I'm in quite the fray.
At least I'll feel no guilt,
When I chew that beard to the hilt.

That is it!
The naughty list you will hit.
No presents for you.
Believe it to be true.

What? I can fit on your list?
My, who knew you could get pissed.
The power of the cat.
And I can get catnip for $2.99 or something like that.

You will regret the day,
That you sent me away.
I know you will.
Sure my glass you can't fill?

The cat kicked Santa out the door. He tripped and ruined kids dreams forever more. He fell right out of his suit. He was as bare as a happy newt. Turns out he was just a drunk in a funk with plenty of umm junk in his trunk. The cat enjoyed the sass. No Santa can mess with the catnip of my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Celebrate Away, Come What May!

There are many ways to celebrate at your sea. The cat will even help you out for free. But beware, some sure may scare. I ripped off the Crypt Keeper a bit there. Wrong holiday at my lair.


First you put one foot in front of the other,Either by yourself or with your mother.Then you sing a cheery tune.Even if you sound like a baboon.

Now you dress like Alf.No we aren't yet at Ralph. You get your furry on,From dusk to dawn.
 
Or you can get drunk.You could be in a funk.Then the next morning go ho ho ho,Or maybe it'll be uh oh!
 
See, classic uh oh!Or wtf kinda glow.With such a glare,You may make others stare.
 
Dress up all prim and proper.You could be a show stopper.Or maybe just some sort of nut,That dresses like a winter King Tut.
 
Or be all nice and neat.Sitting around with smelly feet.Celebrate Christmas in leather. Hey, at least you're all together.
 
Dress as Santa one and all.You could really have a ball.With dirty beards and all.Watch out you don't trip and fall.
 
Err umm okay.Be reindeer on display.Ask if one wants a carrot,If you aren't afraid to umm share it.
 
Create robo Santa at your sea.Let him roam free.He'll rob a bank for you.Hell, he may even rob two.
 
Or just be a peeper,Like some kind of creeper.Just sit and stare,In your nice red underwear.
Now you know many ways to celebrate at your sea. Are you good and ready? Anyone you wish to try? I bet it is that creeper guy. What? Am I wrong at my hut? The cat will just rest and pass gas out his little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

I Don't Know About The Grow!

Ever see that word thrown around quite a bit? Especially when one has a fit. Humans like to use the word grow and not just toward the grass on the lawn which they have to mow. Why not get fake grass? Much easier, but that's another pass.

Growing is the way.
Grow every day.
Grow even more.
Grow gets an encore.

I really hate this.
It makes me hiss.
You'll grow to like it.
Ten days later, still umm spit.

You invaded my shore.
I can't run and explore.
You just have growing pains.
Umm err I can't add carts like trains.

Although not a bad show,
Your growing can still eat crow.
Or maybe something more rare.
Use that growing imagination at your lair.

Grow an extra five inches today!
Just had to at my bay.
Sorry, those emails are fake.
Tuck away your umm snow flake.

That is too large.
It's as big as a barge.
Oh but they'll grow into it.
Why not get something that will fit?

How does your garden grow?
Do you really want to know?
It grows in manure.
Doesn't that have such an allure?

I'm growing an understanding now.
Wait, nope just wanted to meow.
So no understanding of you.
How can an understanding grow at ones zoo?

Do you stand in the rain to water your head,
Like you were watering a garden bed?
I'm growing tired of this.
Are you ready to hear my hiss?

Growing up not out.
What is that about?
From what I see many are out.
Okay, I've grown a large enough shout.

Did you groan at my grown? Think I should leave growing alone? I've grown fond of it. Not really, maybe just a bit. I'm growing near the end. Hmm is that a growing trend? I might have grown out the wrong pass. Beats my grown up little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

A Blogger Holiday Is At Play!

The cat came upon a news story the other day that was quite interesting to him at his bay. I think I will just copy and paste it in. I do not need to retype it all for you at my bin.

Too Much Spirit?

     It was a convention like any other, bloggers had come from all over, bringing their kids, spouse and one even brought their mother. The name to that one has been left out at the behest of the person though. I think they were embarrassed of the old crow. She got drunk and really did flap her arms and crow. That was the least weirdest thing of the night to show. 

     This really loud bang stopped the festivities in their tracks. The bloggers huddled around in packs. It seemed someone had brought a present that went, boom! A bomb at the blogger convention spelled doom. The FBI were called and the place was locked down. No one was going out drunk that night on the town.

     They searched everyone for any signs, I hear they even searched some felines. Spitty the Kitty was rather ticked. Brian the cat got upset when his hat was flicked. Those tabbies of trout towne brought some sheep, that guy was a real creep. Marg had brought here hoard too. All of them were too busy trying to escape back to their zoo. All they found on the cats were fleas. Afterwards they had very itchy knees.

     Next they thought there might be a Mary cult trying to stage a revolt. Mary, Other Mary and Mary Kirkland all stood in a row. It was a one woman Mary show. But Adam cleared them off that trail. He gave them some facts without fail. Truedessa was the next on their list. But she was automatically dismissed. She did not need a bomb at all. She had deadly sparkly farts on call.

     Terry and Manzanita were too busy yapping about worms and the like. Holy Ghost Writer just told them to take a hike. Alex was playing his guitar for all. He did not take too kindly to the FBI bringing forth last call. Rawkin Robin was off looking for a date. I hear she still needs a mate. Sherry Ellis was showing how she got her duck bill removed from her lips. I hear they moved it to her hips.

     Betsy and Brian were prime suspects by this time. They had stolen reposed cars in their prime. So they had criminal acts down. Silver Fox was left with a frown. He was not even considered at all. He grumbled about how he should have blown up the hall. Snowcatcher just made snow flakes by the ton. Some blue guy just let his mouth run. Stephanis Faris yapped with some guys who like beer in the shower. They were going on a good hour.

     Then came the crack in the case. It was the one with the most sincere face. Elsie and her one eye breathed a sigh of relief. For the first time her one eye didn't bring her grief. The sincere face was that of...Gloria who had baked a cake. She had used TNT under the frosting and lied in wait for all to partake. It had gone off too soon. The FBI locked up the crazy baking loon. The convention continued with no more major things occurring, unless you account the blogger's mother who got down on her hands and knees and began purring.

And you didn't invite the cat, how about that? I guess Gloria has a new hole now. She must have really had a cow. Wanted everyone to go boom. Maybe she ate a bad mushroom? I guess I at least missed Trudessa's sparkly gas. That is a plus for my little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

A Little Help After A Yelp!

So after waking you up to your new friends yesterday, I figured I would be nice and help you out at my bay. Some are last minute shoppers and you don't want to be gift floppers. So take your parasites for a stroll and get on the gift giving roll.


For those in your life,Who cause you strife.Put it over their head.Suffocate them in bed.

For the nose picker,Maybe even booger licker.Now they have some tangy ones.Could give them the runs.

To the person you never want to see.Now you'll see them like a Christmas tree.You'll see them coming from far away,And be able to avoid them every day.

For those with lots of thoughts.They want to know how a gummy bear rots.You are just helping them out.If they eat it they may pout.

For those with a green thumb.A gnome with a bare bum.You might get some flack,For giving them the crack.

For those who won't shut up,They are worse than a barking pup.Give them this to ask questions too.Then they won't have to be told off by you.

 The scarf that says it all,When given from your hall.What is that you say?Eat crap at your bay.

This one is just for you,It is much easier at your zoo.Unless you don't have an air pump,Then you might turn into a grump.

Umm err for the err whoever.It can be rather clever.Although they might get a kick,Right to the umm wick.

And the best for last,A feline ass cast.All stuck up in the air,Ready to be put on the fridge at your lair.
Now the cat has helped you once more. You can get gifts and forget about pesky parasites at your shore. The cat is just so nice this time of year. I guess I am filled with cheer. So ends this gift pass from my gift giving little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.

Are They Here To Stay This Holiday?

When you mingle and feel that holiday tingle, when you hug and feel that little itty bitty love bug, when you drink and be merry watching a movie starring a green Jim Carrey, know you are giving cheer to things that are nasty, I fear.

On a cool holiday night,
Under the bright moonlight,
You sway and kiss.
Christmas is bliss.

You shake and hug,
Even some old lug.
You drink from the same mug,
And awww get another hug.

Eat food many have breathed on.
Drink until the coming dawn.
All seems like lots of fun.
Fun to little invisible things as they run.

A new host or three!
They dance with glee.
Bet they sing a show tune,
Jumping to you from a spoon.

And you don't even know.
You still have your cherry glow.
Still have your head in the sand.
Isn't fluoride oh so grand?

Stick to what they tell.
Listen to the "Merry Christmas" bell.
Give Santa a ho ho ho,
He sure has a sparkly glow.

But it all the commotion,
Be sure and acknowledge your promotion.
You have just become a host.
Be mighty proud at your coast.

A host to what you ask?
Well you may want to get the flask.
For you will surely cringe.
Just don't reach for any syringe.

You are host to parasites!
Oh holy nights.
You have little creatures inside you.
Sorry, even in 1st world countries it is 100% true.

Aches, pains, chills, cold hands, foggy head,
No energy when you get out of bed?
Oopsy, you are kind of pregnant at your sea,
And your dozens, if not hundreds, of tiny parasites dance with glee.

Isn't that what you want to hear this time of year? Twice a year you are supposed to de-worm your dog or cat and yet humans are, in most cases, way more fat. What do you think the parasites like more? Give you three guesses at your shore. But enjoy low energy, pains, aches, chills, foggy head and extra gas. I'll stick to being a parasite, as free as can be, little rhyming ass.

Later all, have a nice fall.