Dave Barry's Blog, page 4011

ECONOMIC UPDATE

Dude. (Thanks to Ken Kelley)

THIS JUST IN

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

THEN THEY SHOULD SEND IN THE NAVY SEALS, JUST TO MAKE SURE

Spokane parks to detonate squirrels (Thanks to DavCat, CJrun, Andy, Chuck Cody, MissV, Juli Murphy, w.dittman, Dan Sauberlich and Marty Beach)

24

Here is where we stand: I'm not sure. I missed last week because I was in Colorado doing tax-deductible research on the condition of the ski industry. But as I understand it, the key plot developments are as follows: Jack...

WHILE YOU'RE HAVING THE CLINIC CHECK TO SEE IF YOU HAVE A TREE IN YOUR LUNG

...you might also want to find out if you have a bullet in your face. (Thanks to Matt Filar)

REMINDER

Tonight at 9 p.m. Eastern Stand Down Time. Be on this blog, or be an unusually unattractive dog.

REMEMBER HOW YOUR MOM USED TO TELL YOU THAT YOU SHOULDN'T SWALLOW SEEDS BECAUSE A PLANT WOULD GROW INSIDE YOU, AND YOU THOUGHT SHE WAS JOKING?

Think again. (Thanks to Claire Martin)

SPORTS UPDATE

New York's new ballparks will have potty parity. Key Statistic: Studies show that women take about twice as long as men in the restroom.

SPACE NODE BUDDY UPDATE

It is not looking good for Buddy.

ATTENTION, PEOPLE PLANNING TO ATTEND METALLICA CONCERTS

Wear a raincoat.