Dave Barry's Blog, page 34

THE OTHER VEGETABLES FEAR AND RESPECT IT

Watch this cucumber squirt out its seeds at ballistic speeds

(Thanks to N1LUL Raymond)

WHO SAYS KIDS TODAY LACK INITIATIVE?

Child gets stuck inside claw machine at Mason Community Center

(Thanks to Ron Wylie and Greg Snow)

RIGHT. HE 'FORGOT.'

Man Forgets Wife at Gas Station, Only Realizes 300 Km Later

(Thanks to Ralph)

SMOKING

The Times spots a trend.

WE NEED 23,000 PINTS OF ICE CREAM STAT

Semi-truck spills chocolate syrup on I-75 in Monroe County

Related: Spilled blueberries create 'traffic jam' in Mission

"Traffic jam." Har!

(Thanks to pharmaross, who says "Police had to preserve evidence at the accident scene. Thankfully, no commuters were berried alive.") (Also thanks to EricY)

SHE CAN COOK A BOYFRIEND?

Rental grandma service growing in Japan, can help cook or break up with boyfriends

(Thanks to Ralph)

SO YOU'LL NEED A DOG TO BLAME IT ON

Doctors warn butt lift side effect may leave awful odor

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

MEANWHILE IN FLATHEAD COUNTY

12:58 p.m. A woman was prepared to defend herself with knives and a baseball bat when a draft slammed a door shut.

(Thanks to Mary Smith)

ARE THESE 'EXPERTS' GOING TO GET IT OUT?

Find a snake in your toilet in California? Don���t get rattled, experts say

(Thanks to EricY)

FASHION ALERT

Chimpanzees are running around with grass in their ears and butts at the Chimfunshi Wildlife Orphanage in Zambia.

(Thanks to Gary Schroeder and Jim Kenaston)