Dave Barry's Blog, page 31

BOLO

Ada County Sheriff's Detectives looking for masked buttocks slapper

(Thanks to Unholy Slacker)

Yet another argument against masking your buttocks.

ATTENTION, MEN PLANNING TO GO TO THE BEACH:

Don't.

(Thanks to Annette)

OTHERWISE, THE PERFECT RENTER

Tenant left mountain of 3,000 beer cans in flat and only paid rent once

(Thanks to pharmaross)

WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR THE DEAD

Lingering Moose Shuts Down Popular Adirondack Trail for a Month

(Thanks to Not My Usual Alias)

'SOME RESIDENTS' NEED TO WAKE THE HELL UP

...some residents are raising concerns about the use of poisonous chemicals to address what the city of San Diego calls ���overpopulation��� of ���very invasive��� squirrels in the Windansea area.

(Thanks to pharmaross)

BUT FOR HOW LONG?

Travellers are postponing their toilet visits, according to survey

(Thanks to pharmaross)

YOU'RE TELLING US

Scientists find Uranus is surprisingly warm

(Thanks to Barry Nester and pharmaross)

'NO ONE TASTED IT EXCEPT THE DOG, WHO HAD VERY BAD BREATH FOR A LONG TIME AFTERWARDS'

Stench in a rented house after tourists cooked shark by mistake

(Thanks to Art Kraus)

NO WORD ON THE STREET VALUE OF THE CARROTS

���Gargantuan��� $15.6 million in meth seized from tractor trailer hauling carrots

(Thanks to Monique)

ASTEROID-MEASUREMENT-UNIT UPDATE

Asteroid the size of 145 Elmos to fly past Earth on Tuesday, July 15

(Thanks to Roberto)