Lysa TerKeurst's Blog, page 17

If You Bring The Happy, Your Day Will Be Beautiful

I never thought or dreamed in a million years that three of my kids would get married in the same year.

Our oldest daughter, Hope, wed in February with an elegant, formal, uptown wedding complete with the unexpected twist of playing corn hole in our formal gowns.

Ashley, our middle daughter, will get married in the Alabama countryside next month with market lights, vintage furniture, a pizza and hamburger reception, and her favorite popsicles and donuts instead of a cake.

And our son, Jackson, will say “I do” this fall in a lovely garden ceremony in Knoxville, Tennessee.

Three kids. Three completely unique weddings. Three different states. All in one year. Hello 2016, you are amazing.

So, needless to say, we have been knee deep in all things wedding over here at the TerKeurst home. Our sticky farm table that just yesterday was full of coloring books, Candyland game pieces, and Legos is now full of white invitations, pictures of possibility for every celebration detail, and a glue gun that might have burned off one of my fingerprints during a wedding craft situation.

But more than helping to plan the weddings, I want to prepare my kids for their marriages.

I’m especially wanting to prepare them for day one of their marriage. And I’m quickly learning that weddings are perfect for teaching young couples a crucial lesson:

The most happy couples are the ones who are most able to embrace imperfections.

Honestly, I’m still learning this lesson myself.

Whether you are the mother, the bride herself, or a hopeful soon-to-be-bride, can I take your hand and whisper a truth we all need?

No wedding is perfect.

The more we resist this reality, the less we’ll enjoy this most special day. But even more tragic for brides, the less you’ll enjoy your marriage.

There’s a little known secret about imperfections. What makes things most beautiful, most memorable, and most notable are the unexpected gifts wrapped in imperfections.

Do you want to know one of my favorite memories of my entire wedding? It’s the only detail brought up time and again at family gatherings. My youngest sister, who was only two years old at the time of my wedding, belted out the Happy Birthday song during the lighting of the unity candle. It was obviously unplanned, but became a completely delightful gift of imperfection.

Of course, some wedding day imperfections aren’t nearly as cute and are way more distracting than a two-year-old’s song. I get it. But I can’t change it. Not for my kids’ weddings and not for yours. The unexpected will happen.

But here’s the great news. Imperfections help others uncross their arms, relax, and giggle. People will love you even more when they see you display grace in a tough place.

At Hope’s wedding, we had a slightly alarming incident where one of the guest’s dresses caught on fire after it got too close to the candles that lined the aisle.

But when I asked Hope about how she felt the wedding went, quirks and all, she said: “Mom, you prepared me in the best of ways for my wedding day. You instilled in me the heart of happiness no matter what happened. Your constant reminder of, ‘if you bring your happy, your wedding will be beautiful’ rang in my head for all of our wedding weekend festivities. I could’ve easily focused on something that didn’t go ‘right’ and let that ruin the moment for me… instead I laughed off the imperfections and thought to myself, ‘this will be a great story one day.’”

So embrace the unexpected.

Smile at the crazy.

Laugh at the unplanned.

And relax.

If you bring the happy, your day will be beautiful.

(Thank you Brian Schindler for capturing these beautiful memories.)

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3 Questions to Ask Before You Turn into a Quitzilla

My friend Nicki Koziarz has written a fabulous guest post for all of us who have a tendency of letting our emotions dictate whether or not to quit something. I wish I could send this blog back in time to my younger self because y’all. For real. I quit so many things when they got hard. So, I think you’ll really appreciate the wisdom Nicki is sharing with us today.

My friend Melissa and I used to work out together. I say used to because, hello, my name is Nicki, and I’ve quit everything.

Anyway, I signed up for this boot camp in one of my I’m-so-desperate-for-change stages. My thighs were getting gigglier, and my muffin top was no longer sucking in, despite all the fancy undergarments I bought.

For the first few weeks boot camp was a really good thing. I felt great after I worked out, my muscles were stronger, my clothes were fitting better, and I had a new circle of friends working toward the same goals.

But like a lot of things I begin, my commitment to boot camp began to waver.

One Thursday morning Buck, our boot camp teacher, was in a pretty bad mood. Normally he was super encouraging, but on this particular morning I felt like he was fed up with me.

He probably was; I would have been fed up with me too.

The last part of our workout that day was these things called planks. Planks are basically putting your entire body weight on your elbows and holding your body up for as long as required. R-i-d-i-c-u-l-o-u-s.

Buck had instructed us to hold our plank for a certain amount of time; I can’t exactly remember what the time limit was. But it was an eternity, I promise.

So in my head I counted the plank out, and Buck counted according to his stopwatch. But for some reason my count and Buck’s count were very different. When I finished the count in my I head, I dropped to the ground. But Buck screamed at me to get back up!

With wide eyes I looked at my friend Melissa who was right beside me and said, “Did he just YELL at me?” She confirmed, “Yep.” Well then.

Well, I did not get back up. In fact, I started crying. I had to excuse myself to the bathroom because the tears just kept on coming. I felt like a mortified wimp.

I know Buck wasn’t trying to humiliate me; he was doing what I paid him to do, push me.

But in that moment, on that day, I just couldn’t take it anymore.

I quit! And I became quite the Quitzilla: furious, fed up, and fast to walk away.

Here I sit almost two years later typing these words, wondering what I would look and feel like today if I hadn’t given up so easily.

But it’s not just workouts I tend to want to give in to the temptation to give up. So before I make that decision to quit, I’m asking myself a few questions to help keep my inner Quitzilla at bay.

1. Are my feelings dictating my commitment?

Whenever I have quit something because I’ve been angry or upset, it’s always led to regret. Keeping my feelings in check has been so helpful!

2. Have I given this decision twenty-four hours?

Taking the time to reflect before we quit something is incredibly important. Twenty-four hours almost always provides another perseverance perspective I desperately need.

3. If I quit, am I reflecting God?

I want to represent God in all things, not just the easy things. So asking myself this question before I quit helps me keep His viewpoint in place.

If you think you might have a Quitzilla in you, or if you just need some encouragement to keep going, I’d love to invite you join Proverbs 31 Ministries for our next Online Bible Study! We’ll be going through my book 5 Habits of a Woman Who Doesn’t Quit and study the life of a woman who had every right to give up, but didn’t, Ruth.

The Online Bible Studies team is giving away 2 copies of the book to Lysa’s readers! To enter, head here to sign up for the FREE OBS and then leave a comment here on the blog sharing your favorite Bible verse that helps you persevere.

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Did I Hear God Wrong?

Have you ever felt God calling you to step out in faith, only to find yourself wondering if you heard Him wrong?

I understand. Thoughts of doubt crossed my mind daily when I began to listen to the promptings on my heart to write.

The International Christian Retail Show is a big book convention where publishers, authors, agents, media and bookstore owners all gather to talk shop. Books are pitched. Books are sold. Books are talked about a lot!

I went to this conference years ago when I was a wannabe writer with a book proposal and a dream. Recently, as I signed copies of my book, two thoughts went through my mind.

First … thank You Jesus, that people actually came to my book signing. Because there’s nothing quite like standing there with a big stack of free promotion books, a permanent marker and not a soul interested.

So when people actually came, I just wanted to hug every single one of them. Seriously. And if I had lots of money, I would’ve bought them all a steak dinner. I’m not kidding.

The second thought was … look for those desperate for your encouragement.

Many who came through my book signing line were interested in writing a book. I remember being there.

I know what it feels like to walk around with a tote bag full of book proposals and a heart full of nervous hope.

I know what it feels like to consciously choose to live every day “by faith, not by sight” like 2 Corinthians 5:7 instructs. Honestly, it’s hard to hold on to God’s promises when all that’s staring back at you is a pile of rejection letters from publishers.

That calling we once felt so strongly starts to feel more like a fairytale than a future reality.

So, I felt the weight of responsibility to give them the encouragement I so desperately needed when I was in their shoes.

Maybe you are there right now, looking to actively pursue your dreams or the things God has called you to. But whether it’s the hope of being an author or another dream you have bumping around in your heart, here’s what I’ve learned:

Rejection from people doesn’t mean rejection from God.

If God has gifted you to write, write! You don’t need a book deal to have an impact with your writing. The same is true with other dreams. If you’re called to sing, create, teach, paint, develop — use your gifts right where you are to bless others.

Most overnight success stories are years in the making.

Value the daily discipline of small steps of faith, hard work, honing your craft and putting in time learning and developing. Take classes. Be mentored. Push through those moments you want to slack off. And do it over and over, year after year.

Be a blessing to others.

Don’t keep your work to yourself. Find people who could be blessed with your work. I love to write. But what I love more than writing is seeing my writing help other people. That’s where I find the encouragement to push through the hard times.

Expect opposition.

The challenges and disappointments and setbacks are all part of it. And honestly, these hard times serve a great purpose. I’ve learned much more from my failures in writing than my successes. Use these lessons … don’t waste them by giving up too soon. And remember to glorify Him whether it’s a struggle or a success. God uses all things for good.

Look for the small open doors right in front of you.

I always scratch my head when I meet people who tell me they want to write and speak but aren’t willing to teach a small Bible study first. If God is calling you to do something, He’ll have a door open in front of you. But it might be a small door. Look for the small door and walk through it.

Actually … dance through that door with great joy because He will always do great things with people willing to be faithful in the small!

If you feel called to be a writer, start with a small step by downloading my free audio series, “4 Resources You Need to Jump-start Your Writing.” Click here to get started!

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3 Reasons You Need a Life Plan

I so appreciate my friend Michael Hyatt and his vision to help people create a Life Plan. It’s something my husband and I did early on in our marriage and I can honestly testify to what a huge difference it made in our family. I’m thankful Michael is guest posting on the blog today to share just how beneficial a Life Plan can be.

I was fried. It started when my boss quit, and I was tapped to fill his position as publisher of Nelson Books, a division of Thomas Nelson.

Pretty cool, right?

The trouble was our division was in the tank — I’m talking dead last in the company. And I was supposed to pull it out of the fire.

I got a plan and went into beast mode. Early mornings. Late nights. Always traveling.

The good news was that within eighteen months my team and I took our division from dead last to first place. We became the most profitable group in the whole company.

But there was bad news too.

Risking Everything

Rescuing the division meant endangering everything else. I had a wife and five daughters at home then. The long hours meant they hardly ever saw me.

My health suffered too. My weight went up as my time exercising went down.

Finally, I landed in the emergency room with a heart attack. Well, I thought I was having a heart attack. It turned out it was the worst case of acid reflux ever. But the scare woke me up to what was going on.

I had a plan for my division. But if I didn’t get one for my life, I was going to lose it all.

A Better Plan

Thankfully, a friend introduced me to an executive coach named Daniel Harkavy. He convinced me I could get a plan for my life.

That was more than fifteen years ago now, and my Life Plan has meant more purpose, satisfaction, and peace than I could have dreamed when I first created it.

In our new book Living Forward, Daniel and I share what a Life Plan is and how to create one for yourself.

Recipe for Sanity

A Life Plan is like a recipe for a balanced, meaningful life.

It’s a short document — eight to fifteen pages is all it takes — that articulates what you want your *whole* life to look like, not just one or two areas.

When we focus on just one or two areas, we inevitably lose sight of the rest. And that can mean disappointed family members, rocky friendships, troubled finances, bad health, and worse.

Here are three things a Life Plan can do for you:

1. **Clarity.** No matter where we are, most of us spend a lot of time in reaction mode. Our spouses, bosses, kids, churches — everybody has requests, demands, and plans for us.

But what do we want for ourselves? A Life Plan clarifies our priorities so we can know where and how to use our yeses and noes.

2. **Direction.** A recipe has a goal in mind. All the ingredients work together for a desired end product. A Life Plan provides direction two different ways:

* Painting the picture of the end product

* Giving you a plan of action

No matter how much disarray you might experience, you’ll always know when to add what and how much so you finish with something desirable.

3. **Motivation.** One thing I know from studying goals is that the more exciting the outcome, the more motivated we are to achieve it.

A Life Plan helps us paint a truly irresistible picture of our relationship with God, family, wellness, work, friendships and finances. It excites us to pursue the best in every area.

And here’s what’s really great – it works for everyone.

You don’t have to be a burned-out business person for a Life Plan to make a major difference in your life and the lives of those closest to you.

I’ve seen it help people at every stage and station: parents, homemakers, professionals, college kids, you name it.

We all have lives brimming with potential. We can make the most of it with a plan, or we can drift to a destination we don’t really desire.

I’ve seen where that goes. Maybe you have too. A Life Plan can give us all the focus, direction, and motivation we need for something far, far better.

Michael Hyatt is a popular blogger and the coauthor of Living Forward: A Proven Plan to Stop Drifting and Get the Life You Want. Get your copy here!

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Dealing with Deep Grief

Losing someone you love can cut into your heart so viciously it forever redefines who you are and how you think. It’s what I call deep grief.

It strains against everything you’ve ever believed. So much so, you wonder how the promises that seemed so real on those thin Bible pages yesterday could possibly stand up under the weight of this enormous sadness today.

I once stood at the side of a casket too small to accept. Pink roses draped everywhere. And I watched my mom as she lay across the casket refusing to let go. How could she let go? Part of her heart lay within, so quiet and so still.

I stood paralyzed and stunned. Just days ago we were laughing and doing everyday things and assuming that all of our lives stretched before us in spans of many, many years. And then suddenly . . . it all stopped.

If you’re in this hard place of deep grief or know someone who is, I’d love to be the friend who takes you by the hand to walk you through this. You can read more from my post over at (in)courage today by clicking here.

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Lord, protect me from the world’s wonky view of love

I have a sign displayed in my home. It reminds me, redirects me, and protects me from the world’s wonky views of love.

Our love isn’t a romantic movie where I wake up in full makeup in a pristine house and nothing on my to-do list but for my husband and I to take a little canoe ride through a pond filled with swans.

Here’s the thing about love. It’s sometimes complicated. Sometimes blissful.

Some moments are incredible. Others incredibly difficult.

Love breaks us. It makes us. It shakes out all the good and bad.

It’s the most beautifully painful sacred surprise you could ever hope to grow through.

It’s a package deal. It’s a gift that doesn’t always feel like a gift. It’s the thing that makes me less selfish. And gracious, I need to be less selfish.

I want the best version of love. So I need to bring the best version of me to my love, my man, each day.

And choose to make our love a little less complicated.

A little more sweet.

A little more inviting for the best version of him to take my hand and whisper, “Hey babe, we can do this.”

Yes. Love is a choice. One we are still making. And as a visual statement of the vows we exchanged 23 years ago, we keep this simple reminder in a place where we constantly see it.

The “We Still Do” sign and frame are now available in the Proverbs 31 Ministries bookstore along with some of my other favorite marriage resources. Click here to find out more.

And if decorating your home with hints of your love story sounds painful because you’ve been begging God for a sign that He hears your prayers for your marriage, He does. I felt so strongly to share this with you today. He hears and He cares. I’d love to share a free 5-day devotional with you called Praying Boldly for Your Marriage. Sign up here.

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Your Very Best Idea Ever

It’s locked in you. You know it. You feel it.

It’s a sacred stirring. You sense it so deeply that you know it’s not an inkling of your imagination but rather an igniting of God’s revelation. God is pointing you in the direction of this idea. You are thrilled by the general sense of it. You are willing to do it. You are eager for the specifics and desperate for the details to come into focus.

You just can’t get a clear picture of what it is.

You just haven’t figured out how to get to it.

This is the chaos of the creative who gets close, very close to their very best idea ever.

I know this version of blurry vision. My eyes have longed to see and my fingers have pulsed to touch the defined edges of this buried brilliance that feels as uncertainly certain as the wind. I feel it, but I can’t hold it.

So, we go to God with this declaration of desperation, “Please, Lord, give me this very best idea ever!”

But God is too good to do this to us, my friend.

We don’t know the weight for which we are asking. Our very best idea feels as light as a feather when it’s a general notion floating in and out of our dreams. But it carries with it a crushing weight if it lands on a person’s character unprepared for this calling.

I’m sharing some truths that we all need to know about our very best idea ever on (in)courage today. Click here to read more!

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Why Would God Let This Happen?

I wonder what would happen in our lives if we really lived in the absolute assurance of God’s love. I mean, as Christians we know He loves us. We sing the songs, we quote the verses, we wear the T-shirts and we sport the bumper stickers. Yes, God loves us.

I’m not talking about knowing He loves us.

I’m talking about living as if we really believe it.

I’m talking about walking confidently in the certainty of God’s love even when our feelings beg us not to.

I’m talking about training our hearts and our minds to process everything through the filter of the absolute assurance of God’s love. Period. Without the possible question mark.

Not too long ago, I had a conversation with a precious mom whose eldest daughter is nearing 30 and has never had a boyfriend. The younger siblings have all gone through the whole dating thing and one is now engaged to be married. The eldest daughter sat on the side of her mom’s bed recently with tears slipping down her cheeks and said, “Why mom? Why can’t I find anyone to love me? What’s wrong with me?”

This mom was asking me for advice in helping her daughter process these questions. These feelings are real. These feelings are tough.

And I’m sure if I were able to untangle all the emotions wrapped in and around these questions, somewhere deep inside I would find this girl doubting God’s love for her.

I remember being single, the only one of my friends without a boyfriend, and wondering why. I would see these nice boys and think God could make one of them fall in love with me but He hasn’t. And that hurt.

But here’s the thing I wish I had known then … I must process this through the filter of God’s love not through the tangled places of my heart.

When I process things through the tangled places of my heart, often the outcome is, “If God loves me so much, why would He let this happen?”

Instead when I process things through the filter of the absolute assurance of God’s love, the outcome is, “God loves me so much therefore I have to trust why He is allowing this to happen.”

I took the mom’s hand who was asking for advice and told her to help her daughter rewrite the way she is processing this. It’s okay to feel hurt, lonely and sad. But these feelings shouldn’t be a trigger to doubt God’s love for her. They should be a trigger to look for God’s protection, provision and possible growth opportunities.

I know this can be hard. But what if we really lived in the absolute assurance of God’s love?

I want to help you walk in that truth. That’s why my team at Proverbs 31 Ministries and I are hosting a FREE online Bible study of my book, Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl. Sign up today and be equipped to:

• Stop going through the motions of religion and learn how to experience Jesus in a personal way.

• Overcome the issues that pull your heart away from the Lord by gaining passion and confidence about your faith.

• Move past simply knowing about God and discover how to become vibrantly alive as you apply Biblical truths to your life.

Sign up here.

I’m giving away 5 copies of Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl. To be entered to win, leave a comment letting me know what you’re looking forward to most in the study!

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You Are (Un)Invited

The party sounded amazing. The people I’d heard were going are easy to be with, incredibly fun, and all have mad skills in the kitchen. And when I saw the invitation posted on a friend’s refrigerator I smiled at the creative brilliance.

The only problem was I didn’t get one.

I’d been checking my mailbox for days.

Every time I walked back down the driveway empty handed, I kept assuring my sinking heart that because we live in the country my mail is always a day or two or even seven days behind everyone else’s. No big deal.

But three days before the party when the invite still hadn’t arrived I ran out of assurance. I lost the pep in my rally. And I realized I was, in fact, not on the guest list.

When I ran into one of the hostesses later that day I lobbed out the equivalent of a Hail Mary throw in the final seconds of a game, “What do y’all have going on this weekend?” And then I felt as pitiful as the quarterback who watches the opposing team take what would have been his shining star moment and turn it into an interception.

She replied, “We’ve got plans with friends most of the weekend but would love to catch up with y’all on Sunday after church.”

And that’s when the hardest of all the realizations hit me.

We weren’t invited because they simply hadn’t thought to invite us. We weren’t in the circle of “weekend plans with friends.” Immediately the thought that hopped on me and stuck with super glue tenacity was “I’m not good enough.”

Read more from my post over at (in)courage today by clicking here.

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Merry Christmas!

2015 has been such an incredible year of growth and change for the TerKeurst family. And as we turn the last few pages of this year the word that best describes us right now is “thankful.”

Mark and Theresa were married and welcomed our precious Selena Hope in March. Theresa and Selena have been beautiful gifts of grace to our family!

We are also celebrating three engagements! In August, Jackson proposed to Amanda on a beautiful afternoon in a hot air balloon. We are so excited about their wedding in October of 2016.

Michael got down on one knee and asked Hope to marry him with family and friends looking on at our home in October. We are thrilled to be planning for their marriage in February of 2016.  

Ashley said “yes” to David in the cutest little barn in Alabama last month. We will be happily watching them tie the knot in April of 2016.*

Lastly, our sweet Brooke is not even dating and we are so thankful.

Life has such a way of surprising and delighting us.

One thing we know above all else is that God has a plan … a beautiful plan … a plan with ups and downs and twists and turns. But through it all, He is with us and He is good. Praying for you and your family this Christmas season.

Much love,

Art, Lysa, Jackson, Amanda, Mark, Theresa, Selena, Michael, Hope, David, Ashley, and Brooke

* (Photo by Cathrine Taylor)

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