Lysa TerKeurst's Blog, page 16

You’re Invited!

I wish I was at your door right now with your favorite coffee drink and a lovely, embossed invitation that looks like it came straight off of Pinterest.

But since my crafting skills could use a little work, consider today’s blog a special invite just for you…

On August 9th I’m releasing my new book, Uninvited, and I wondered if you might want to come to Charlotte and join me for a free, live webcast and release party?

We’ll worship together, I’ll share a new message, and we’ll have a fun party after the webcast. I just know we’ll have the best time. Here are the details:

Who: You, me, the Proverbs 31 Ministries team and anyone you’d like to invite!

What: The Uninvited Release Day Party and Live Webcast

When: August 9th

Where: 11701 Elevation Point Drive, Charlotte NC

Click here to reserve your spot for this free event. We will send you an email with more details about the release day activities and fun things you and your friends can do while here in Charlotte.

And if you can’t quite make it to Charlotte on August 9th, no worries. You can still tune into the webcast online and invite your friends to watch with you!

Click here to put your name on the reminder list and we’ll keep you in the loop about how to watch the free webcast.

So whether I see you in person or through a computer screen, please know I am thankful for you. Your prayers, love, and support mean the world to me.

Related posts:

I wanted you to be one of the first to know
Did I Hear God Wrong?
You Are (Un)Invited

Download Your Free 10-Day Prayer Journal

Have you ever felt the sting of rejection or grieved the deep loss of a relationship that was there one day and gone the next?

I want you to know I understand. I also know the difficulty of being in the place where you’re no longer standing in that moment of being rejected, but you’re not on the other side of it either.

I call it the desperate in-between. It’s a place where your heart still feels incredibly raw. A place you may fear being stuck in forever.

But I want to be the friend who whispers to your heart today that healing is possible. You aren’t going to be stuck in this place of pain and rejection. I believe you are going to be strengthened by it and healed from it. In Jesus’ name!

That’s why I put together pre-written prayers based on the powerful truths found in Psalm 91 just for you called “Praying Through the Desperate Times.” With this prayer journal, you’ll be equipped to:

• Know exactly what to pray for the next ten days to steady your soul and restore your confidence in the midst of rejection.

• Experience deeply personal healing by declaring specific Scriptural promises over your life.

• Overcome feeling helpless about your heartbreak by infusing God’s hope and power into the situation.

You can download your FREE copy of this 10-day prayer journal through July 10th by clicking here.

I don’t know what specific thing you’re going through right now. But I do hope with every part of me you’ll use these ten simple prayers. His words bring life. And praying His Word will help us feel less desperate and more whole.

Related posts:

I wanted you to be one of the first to know
Did I Hear God Wrong?
When Rejection Steals the Best of Who I Am

I wanted you to be one of the first to know

If you’ve been coming to my blog over the years, you probably know that releasing a book is one of the most terrifying feelings for me. I mean really, who in their right mind opens up the most raw places of their heart for all the world to come in and stay a while?

Excuse me while I reluctantly raise my hand in the back of the classroom to claim that level of insanity.

But really, vulnerability is a small price to pay for the amazing seat I have to watch as the messages God places deep in my soul go out to women (and even some men!) everywhere.

And since you’re my blog friends whom I deeply love, I wanted you to be some of the first to hear about my newest book releasing this summer called Uninvited: Living Loved When You Feel Less Than, Left Out, and Lonely.

For most of us, the rejections of our past are affecting us more than we realize. All of us are either trying to heal a past rejection, deal with a present rejection or fear that an unexpected rejection is just around the corner. And that’s exactly why I wrote Uninvited.

With Uninvited, you’ll be equipped to:

• Stop feeling left out by believing that even when you are overlooked by others you are handpicked by God.

• Change your tendency to either fall apart or control the actions of others by embracing God-honoring ways to process your hurt.

• Know exactly what to pray for the next ten days to steady your soul and restore your confidence in the midst of rejection.

• Overcome the two core fears that feed your insecurities by understanding the secret of belonging.

It won’t be in stores until August 9th, but if you pre-order today you’ll receive several limited time resources that won’t be available after the book releases:

• First five chapters delivered to your inbox immediately

• 10 printable Uninvited themed coloring pages

• Lock screen collection with quotes from the book

• Exclusive bonus video from me

Pre-order your copy by clicking here.

I really believe this book will help you come to know in the deepest parts of your heart that with Jesus you are forever safe, forever accepted, forever held, completely loved and always invited in.

Today I’m giving away 3 copies of the Advanced Reader Version of Uninvited. To be entered to win, leave a comment below telling me what part of the Uninvited message resonates with your life right now.

Related posts:

Did I Hear God Wrong?
You Are (Un)Invited
When Rejection Steals the Best of Who I Am

A few really scary days…

You might have noticed I’ve been a little silent on the blog lately. But I want you to know it hasn’t been by choice. I’ve missed you dearly. Which is why I really must update you on what’s been going on in my world.

About a week and a half ago, I was rushed into emergency surgery.

My large intestine had somehow detached itself from my abdominal wall and twisted to the point where blood flow was dangerously restricted. A large section had to be removed. After several days of recovering in the hospital, I was able to go home which is where I am as I type these words.

I’ve been hesitant to explain too much about what happened to me because it’s honestly a crazy story. And I’m not really into crazy.

But, I treasure you as a friend and sometimes friends just need to be invited in and told the bottom line.

God miraculously saved my life.

I don’t say that with drama. I say it with tears in my eyes and the deepest gratitude in my heart.

The surgeon called me on Friday to tell me there was no sign of cancer in the pathology report. Praise God.

But then he said something else that I can’t stop thinking about. “Lysa, I don’t like throwing around the word miracle. But the fact you survived this is a miracle. The pathology report showed your cells were in a state of death.” I didn’t know what to say.

I had no words. Except “thank you.” Thank You, God. Thank you friends who prayed me through this. Thank you to this surgeon who finally figured out why I was in excruciating pain for days and days in that hospital bed.

Thank You that I still get to do life.

So, here I sit. But this quiet morning is different.

I have a sacred realization. And I have a complete refocus on just how precious every second of every day truly is.

Might we all dare to whisper “it’s a gift” to God today?

When the baby is crying and the deadlines are pressing and the stress is mounting and the enemy whispers “just get through this crappy day.” Look up and shame the enemy back to hell by acknowledging today is a gift.

A gift from a good, good Father. And then look, seek, and dive deeply into what a true gift it is.

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What Are You Missing?

The Problem With Pinterest

Have you ever looked at social media and felt like everyone else’s marriage was more romantic, their style more hip, and their house more beautifully decorated than yours?

The comparison struggle. is. so. real.

I’m thankful that my pastor and friend, Steven Furtick, agrees. And he’s here with us on the blog today with some practical tips on how to start seeing beyond the traps social media can lure us into.

“And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.” (2 Corinthians 3:18)

What – or who – is your standard of comparison? Often, we are insecure because of unrealistic images against which we judge our spirituality and success.

I call it The Pinterest Perspective.

PCMag defines Pinterest as: A socially oriented photo-sharing site in the form of an online pinboard.

I have a slightly different definition:

Pinterest is a visually driven social media platform strategically designed for nonstop, twenty-four-hours-a- day, seven-days-a-week reminders that your kids are not as well dressed as your neighbors‘ kids, that your home is decorated in the most amateur fashion imaginable, that the pictures you take are bland and artless, that you did a terrible job planning your wedding, and that you live a generally tedious, monotonous existence—unlike everyone else, whose lives are categorically awesome at all times.

Yes, I have a bit of a problem with Pinterest.

Of course, I’m not against social media in general or even Pinterest in particular. Social media is just a tool. And the results it generates reflect the intention of the user. That’s where the trouble starts.

See, any time you’re considering your real life accomplishments or problems from a Pinterest perspective, you are judging yourself against an illusion. When we compare our underwhelming reality to other people’s staged, cropped, filtered photos, we jump to the wrong conclusions. Because we started with the wrong context.

The problem with Pinterest is the problem within us. It‘s the perfect platform for our tendency to pretend, to pose, and to perform, all in an effort to bolster a shaky self-esteem.

I want to challenge you today. When you are faced with the temptation to compare yourself to the glories of others, try contemplating the glory of God instead, in the way Paul describes in 2 Corinthians 3:18.

I know this sounds a little abstract – (really pal, contemplate? Contemplate this laundry basket…)

But it can be really simple. To contemplate simply means to think about. To consider. To dwell on.

And there are practical ways we can compare less, and contemplate more:

• Some of our social media scrolling can be so routine that we don’t even realize we’re doing it. But decreasing your time on it might be as easy as moving apps around on your phone. Take the Bible app or First 5 and put it on the first screen in the easiest place to see. Place the social media icons on the last page. This will force you to make the conscious decision to swipe all the way over to your social media accounts, while your Bible apps remain front and center.

• Instead of going on Instagram or Facebook first thing in the morning to see what everybody else is doing and reading their comments on your feed, spend some time in God’s Word. It would be good to do this before you go to sleep as well. Feed yourself something more substantial, and see if you feel stronger.

• Make it a point to write down and say out loud what you’re thankful for several times a week, if not daily. Focusing on what you’ve been blessed with is one of the first steps to getting out of the comparison trap.

God has so much He wants to show you, but maybe you’ve allowed yourself to become blinded by the images and illusions of this world. 2 Corinthians 3 promises a new point of view and a new level of freedom for those who will dare to remove the veil.

We’re giving away a signed copy of Pastor Steven’s new book (Un)Qualified: How God Uses Broken People to Do Big Things. This book is for anyone who’s ever felt like they just didn’t have what it takes to get through another day. It’s an amazing resource that can apply to your life no matter what season you’re in. To be entered to win, post a comment below with how you’ll be shifting your social media perspective this week. Click here to purchase your copy.

Related posts:

Did I Hear God Wrong?
What Are You Putting First?
When I Want to Be Mean

Is This a Delay or a Dead End?

Have you ever felt God calling you to step out in faith, only to find yourself wondering if you heard Him wrong?

I understand.

For many years I thought my calling to write was a dead end instead of a delay. I received rejection letter after rejection letter from the many book proposals I’d sent to publishers. I was so frustrated! I started wondering if I had heard God incorrectly when this passion to write was placed in my heart.

I didn’t realize I was confusing a delay with a dead end. But I think we do this all the time. We put a period where our life story may just need a little string of dots …

In punctuation, there are terminal points and pausing points. A terminal point is a period, a question mark or an exclamation point.

But there are far more options for pausing points such as: the comma, semicolon, colon, em dash, and my personal favorite which drives my editors a little batty: the ellipsis.

What in the world does all of this have to do with Biblical truth?

When we confuse what’s really a pausing point with a terminal point, we can get into trouble. And that’s how the people of Israel got themselves into a mess of trouble while waiting for Moses to come down from a mountaintop meeting with God.

Exodus 32:1 tells us, “When the people saw that Moses was so long in coming down from the mountain, they gathered around Aaron and said, ‘Come, make us gods who will go before us. As for this fellow Moses who brought us up out of Egypt, we don’t know what has happened to him.’”

What “happened” to “this fellow” was that God was giving Moses the Ten Commandments. A pretty important pause. But because the people didn’t understand the delay, they decided they couldn’t trust God.

So, they took matters into their own hands and had Aaron form a false god to comfort themselves and combat their confusion. In the end, their solution only added more chaos. And it cost them more than they ever imagined.

They got completely out of control. They became the laughing stock of their enemies. Many lost their lives — it says over 3,000 died. AND they suffered from a plague.

Of course, they could have avoided it all, including enraging Moses to the point where he threw the stone tablets God had personally carved for them, breaking them into pieces. But that would have required waiting just a little longer for Moses to return.

Oh, friend. When there is a delay in our lives, we must determine to fill the gap between here and there by intentionally proclaiming every hint of God’s activity. Just the fact that we woke up breathing this morning is evidence of His goodness. So, let’s make a list and keep acknowledging that just because God is silent in one area of our life does not mean He is silent in every area.

Also, let’s think about an area of our life where we’ve been waiting for what seems like an unreasonable amount of time. Let’s determine today not to mistake this delay for a dead end.

We can say out loud, “I will not run ahead of God in this. I will not manipulate or manufacture solutions. I will not give up until God confirms I should. I will keep seeking God, fully anticipating and trusting His perfect plan to unfold in His perfect timing and His perfect way. And if He does confirm this is a dead end, I will still honor Him.”

As for the delays in my journey to be a writer, I can look back and see that the Lord used those times in my life to develop my character to match my calling … and I’m so thankful He did.

So let’s trust Him today. And choose to believe He is packing great purpose into our places of pausing.

———–

At Proverbs 31 Ministries, our deepest desire is to meet you in your delay by offering free resources to help you seek God and trust His plan to unfold in His perfect timing.

Each day we reach women all over the world with our free:

• First 5 app

• Encouragement for Today daily devotions

• Online Bible Studies

• Radio shows

• Social media encouragement

• And more!

But we can only continue to offer these free resources with help from friends like you. Will you prayerfully consider partnering financially with Proverbs 31 Ministries? Click here to give.

Related posts:

Did I Hear God Wrong?
Where I Really Fall Short
Remember Who You Are

Overcoming the Overwhelming for Mother’s Day

With Mother’s Day just around the corner, I’m reminded that this holiday doesn’t always feel so ‘happy’ for each of us. I’m grateful my friend Rachel Wojo understands this and is guest posting on the blog today to point us to Jesus in the moments that might be difficult this time of year.



Some days I would pick up the phone to call her, only to realize that I couldn’t. Since Mom had graduated to Heaven, one of my favorite months of the year became the most difficult.

May 10 is Mom’s birthday and Mother’s Day is always close to that date. Going to church on Mother’s Day became bittersweet after her death. I wanted to celebrate my children and the joys of motherhood; but I also ached to see my mama. A roller coaster of emotions resulted.

After Mom’s death, my daughter, Taylor was diagnosed with MPS at age 4. The diagnosis of a rare, terminal disease was tough enough, but to watch the gradual decline as neurological degeneration occurred was more than I could bear. With the loss of my mother still very fresh, watching my daughter lose her quality of life little by little consumed my heart and soul.

At age 6, the loss of cognitive discernment grew more evident. TayTay didn’t sleep well, and when she woke up in the night, she’d play quietly in her room. Some nights, I placed her back in bed so many times that I couldn’t hold my eyes open long enough to walk to her room one more time. So I’d sleep on the floor in the hallway to ensure that she didn’t leave the room or injure herself. Our family worked to make everything as childproof as we could. We moved the light switch to the outer hallway so she wouldn’t play with it. To keep her from harming herself by swinging on hangers and climbing on closet shelves, we placed locks on the closet doors.

Then Taylor developed a habit of placing her hands in her diaper. During the day, we kept a close eye on her diapering needs, but at night, it became more challenging.

One Sunday morning, I awoke early to prepare for church and before I hopped in the shower, I peeked into Taylor’s room. In spite of my early rising, Taylor had been awake for a while. She had taken on an art project of the worst kind. Because I had been unable to care for her diapering needs instantly, she had plastered the room with poop. The curtains, the walls, the bedding, the carpet, the doorknob, her toys. Everything.

I could hardly pull myself together enough emotionally to take her to the bathtub and wash her clean. I opened her bedroom window, closed the door, and took her to my bed to watch TV so I could take a speed shower. All the while, I sobbed and asked God why.

Why did we have to go through this? Why did she have to lose her mind? Why did I have to spend the afternoon after church scrubbing down her entire room?

And why did all this have to happen… on Mother’s Day?

I couldn’t do it. I was overwhelmed on every level and struggled to understand. Why does life have to be so difficult?

How did I begin to overcome the overwhelming?

How did I begin to work through those hard questions? I discovered that I needed to run to God’s Word when discouragement strikes. If Psalm 18 were written today, it might be known as “David’s Survival Guide for the Overwhelmed.” Take a look at the psalmist’s 6 tips for overcoming the overwhelming.

• Recognize that God is your strength.

I love you, O Lord, my strength. (Psalm 18:1) Can you repeat David’s praise as your own?

• Realize that prayer is your lifeline.

What does your prayer life look like right now?

• Remember the victories God gave in the past.

What has God brought you through so far?

• Refuse to focus on personal limitations and believe God will do His redemptive work in you.

What personal fears are holding you back from believing God will empower you for His work?

• Recall the details of God’s moment by moment provisions.

How has God provided protection for you, even in your overwhelming circumstance?

• Renew your perspective of the situation.

Is your vision limited by failing to recognize his never-ending supply of strength?

My perspective of being an overwhelmed mama has changed drastically since that dreadful Mother’s Day afternoon I spent cleaning up poop. I’ve learned that God is my total source of strength and that by continually talking to my Heavenly Father about everything, I will naturally take my burdens to Him as well. When I think about the victories God has given me by providing patience and understanding, I’m stunned by His provisions. I stopped focusing on my lack of abilities to care for a child with special needs and began comprehending that God chose me to be Taylor’s mother. I am the mom He trusts with her unique and precious life.

Years after the poopy art incident occurred, more heartache consumed our family when we lost a sweet baby to Heaven just a few months after conception. Like David, we found ourselves in a state of being completely overwhelmed. But that’s why it’s called a survival guide. We’re likely going to need the reminders again and again, right?

Two years later, another Mother’s Day arrived and in place of feeling despair, our family experienced delight. This day, May 10, 2009, was not only Mother’s Day, and not only my mom’s birthday, but also a special redemption day. We had prayed and God answered beyond our request or imagination. He ushered a baby girl into our lives on this very day, not only to answer our prayers, but to reveal His incredible power and attention to detail. He redeemed a significant date for our family by allowing Tarah to be born on her grandma’s birthday and Mother’s Day, the very day that I thought I could never be fit to be a mom.

We only share the poopy art days to reveal the glory of how He takes the worst mess and creates the best message. How He takes the hard days of loss and balances them with happy days of love. How He loves to take the overwhelmed and transform them into overjoyed. He did it for us; He’ll do it for you too!

——

If you enjoyed today’s post, you’ll love Rachel’s latest book, One More Step: Finding Strength When You Feel Like Giving Up. We’ve got 3 copies to give away today! Just leave a comment below to be entered to win.

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Getting Past My Past

Is there something from your past that haunts you and constantly interrupts your thoughts?

For many years, that something in my life was my abortion. I walked around in a zombie-like state in the months following that decision with a growing hatred for myself at the root of my pain and confusion.

Up until that point, the things that brought hurt into my life were caused by others. But the abortion was a choice I made myself. It seemed like the only answer at the time. The abortion clinic workers assured me that they could take care of this “problem” quickly and easily, so I would never have to think about it again. What a lie.

I kept my secret buried deep within my heart. I was so ashamed, so horrified, so convinced that if anyone ever found out I’d had an abortion, I’d be rejected by all my church friends and deemed a woman unfit to serve God.

My complete healing began when I was finally able to turn my thoughts past my own healing to helping others in the same situation. It was terrifying to think about sharing my story with another person. But then I heard of a young girl who worked for my husband who was in a crisis pregnancy situation. She’d asked for a few days off to have an abortion.

I was faced with a fierce tug of war in my spirit. I knew if she heard my story, she might make a different choice. But what would she think of me? What would others think if they found out? I knew God wanted me to talk to her; so would I trust Him, or would I retreat back into my shame?

With shaking hands, I approached Sydney, intent on extending God’s comfort and compassion. Maybe I could just share a few Bible verses and offer to help her without making myself vulnerable.

But during our time together, it became clear she needed to hear my story. With a cracking voice and tear-filled eyes, I decided to care more about her situation than keeping my secret hidden. I told her the truth of what I’d experienced and prayed she’d make a different choice than I had.

A year after that first meeting, I sat across from Sydney once again. She choked out a whispered, “Thank you,” as she turned and kissed the chubby-cheeked boy in the baby carrier beside her. As soon as she spoke those two life-defining words, tears fell from both of our eyes.

Hers were tears of relief.

Mine were tears of redemption.

Both were wrapped in the hope that God truly can take even our worst mistakes and somehow bring good from them.

God has brought me so far since that first meeting with Sydney. Now I travel to crisis pregnancy events and tell my story in hopes of encouraging people to support their local centers. I also share my story from pulpits all across America, trusting that the many women in the audience will see it is possible to be healed and restored from the tragic mistakes from our past.

But I can’t reach everyone. There are women in your sphere of influence who need to hear your story.

I realize an abortion may not be the pain you’re dealing with, but I also know few of us have escaped very deep hurts.

Will you go? Will you share? Will you allow God to comfort you and then take that comfort to others? This step could help you start your own healing process.

I think you’ll find that you are the one who winds up doubly blessed as you walk out the truth of 2 Corinthians 1:3-4: “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.”

Dear Lord, only You can heal my deepest hurts and use the bad in my life for good. I need You more and more each day. Please continue to work in my life and use me as a light to help those You have entrusted to me. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

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Devastated but not Destroyed

I took my seat in the middle of the food court and was thankful I could hide my tears by staring down at my food. I quietly brushed my napkin across my cheek. I blinked. I tried desperately to swallow.

I’m not normally a mall-goer, but that day I needed a place to hide. A place to process. A place to remember that the whole world wasn’t falling apart.

The news I’d received from just an hour earlier crushed me. And devastated me.

A friend I love made a decision that I couldn’t for the life of me understand. It wasn’t in keeping with her character. It wasn’t something I ever dreamed this person could do.

The affects of this decision would careen across her life and mine with really hard consequences.

Glancing at the table across from me I saw two women a little younger than me. They were laughing and cutting up food into bite-size pieces for their young kids. I could hear them talking about costumes that needed to be made for their upcoming preschool performance. One of them was having a hard time finding purple tights and she desperately needed purple tights to make the costume complete.

I whispered under my breath, “I wish my biggest issue was purple tights.” Although my whispered statement was lost in the chaotic chorus of food court voices and noises, the scream inside my heart hovered over me in deafening tones.

What. In. The. World!

My mind raced. My throat tightened. My eyes leaked uncontrollably.

I tried to pray but honestly I felt like God was pretty distant at that moment.

It’s hard to stand on the goodness of God when you feel like life has just been stripped of so much good.

I forced my legs to support my body. I walked mindlessly to my car. And I drove home.

It’s in these moments where we know if the Word of God has seeped deep into our hearts or not. Though the world seemed to swirl and spin without anything for me to hold onto, one simple statement rose to the top of my mind and cut through with crystal clarity, “Be still, and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10).

I heard it over and over.

And I knew it wasn’t my mind conjuring up this Bible verse. It was the Holy Spirit inside of me speaking. Reassuring. And quite honestly, holding me together when circumstances were literally tearing me apart.

I don’t know what hard reality is crushing your heart right now. But I sense I’m not alone. The enemy is on a full-out attack against everything good, sacred, pure and honest. He is the father of lies who wants us to believe that if our circumstances fall apart, then so will we.

But take it from a woman in the middle of my own hard reality: Satan is a liar. God is a Redeemer. A Healer. The Author of hope. The Pathway of restoration. The great I AM.

Right this very minute there are some things you and I must cling and hold to as if our lives depended on it:

1. God loves us and He will not leave us.

2. This battle isn’t ours. The battle belongs to the Lord. Let Him fight for you. Save your emotional energy and use it to dig into His Word like never before. Our job is to be obedient to God. God’s job is winning this battle.

3. The battle might not be easy or short-lived, but victory will be there for those who trust God.

4. God is good even when the circumstances are darker than you ever imagined. God is good even when people are not. God is good even when things seem stinking hopeless. God is good and can be trusted when you feel suspicious of everyone and everything around you.

5. Lastly, God is good at being God. Don’t try to fix what He hasn’t assigned you to fix. Don’t try to manipulate or control or spend all your emotions trying to figure it out. Let Him be God. Free yourself from this impossible assignment.

Sweet friend, be still. And know. He is God.

I’m praying for you. And I treasure the fact I know you are praying for me.

I had some “Be Still and Know” bracelets made to help remind me of these truths in the hard moments. If you’re going through a hard time, get one of these by clicking here and let’s band together to declare we Jesus girls may not have all the answers for our situations. But by God we will stand in the midst of our hard days and declare we trust the One who holds every answer.

We will … be still … and know … HE IS GOD!

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Connecting our Kids with God’s Truth

As a mom of five, my greatest desire has always been to connect the hearts of my kids with the reality of God’s Truth. But sometimes it’s just plain challenging. Can I get an amen? That’s why my friend Courtney DeFeo is guest posting today – to show us a practical way to get our kids into God’s Word so God’s Word can get into them.

I have to be honest, some of my parenting decisions are made with the wrong motive. I just want my kids to make me look good on some days. Isn’t that sad?  I do care what other people think and say. I do care how my children behave, because it reflects on their mother dearest. I’ve also recognized this is a dangerous pattern for parenting and quite defeating if you try it for long.

It’s no secret that I’m a huge fan of biblical virtues. You can find me writing, ranting or speaking about the topic on any given day. I LOVE watching virtues like generosity and service and responsibility come to life in my kids. And in the core of my heart, I have the right motives for these virtues. I want them to know Jesus personally and discover the fruit of following Him. However, it’s so easy to get caught up in focusing on these virtuous things so that our kids behave like good little Christian kids.

What happens though when a real life issue creeps up into their life? Will they know the motions to the song and the definitions in their head? But stand frozen in fear because their heart has never engaged personally with God? 

Let me illustrate…

My daughter Ella is 9 years old and she has been biting her nails for a while. We have tried every tactic to get this habit to stop. And, I’m not really proud of all the tactics we used, from bribing to demanding she stop. We were getting concerned and frustrated.

One day, Ella decided she really was tired of hurting and was embarrassed by her fingers. She wanted our help to stop. Although we had tried so many things, I could tell her heart was in a different place.

We pulled out this self-control virtue card and talked about the idea of self-control.

It hit me – here was that tension! I really wanted Ella to stop because her short nails reflected on me as a parent. And I am so glad God nudged me to see a bigger lesson was at play. I could get visibly frustrated with her and just make her memorize this self-control card. Or, I could encourage her that she could do it. Because she loves Jesus and he lives in her, she has the fruit of the Spirit – and one of those is self-control.

I reminded her of the definition: Showing restraint even when desires are strong.

I reminded her of a key verse we’ve discussed many times: “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:13)

I reminded her what she was doing was hard but not impossible and that I was cheering for her.

I reminded her that Jesus does care about struggles like this.

We did offer an incentive and we put some gloves on at night, but the difference was my attitude with my girl. I was her chief encourager, not her most frustrated coach. And her attitude went from “I can’t” to “I can.”

We didn’t talk about it much more, but something clicked in Ella. And I do think God cares about our struggles – even biting nails. And she did it.

I’m so so thankful God used this little (but huge) moment to remind Ella that He is alive in her and working. That self-control is something she will need in her life for many years to come. And the next time she needs restraint? She can look back on this time. When she called on her Savior and together they won.

Lord, I want the heart of my kids. I want them to know You. Please guide my days to show them You are real. Help me to let go of looking like a great mom. Let me be more concerned with my children and their hearts than any outside appearance or performance.

This story is exactly why I created the Virtue Memory Cards. My heart’s desire is that families will grow closer to God and experience Him. I would never want a family to pick them up and use them to look good or score points. They were designed to impact the heart.

You can help your child begin to tie everyday character qualities to Scripture verses by getting your Virtue Memory Cards today! Click here for more information.

Related posts:

Where I Really Fall Short
When It Feels Better to Blame Someone Else
4 Fun Ways to Grow Your Child’s Faith