Lysa TerKeurst's Blog, page 19

What Are You Putting First?

I’m the kind of girl who likes to get her day started bright and early. I want to answer emails, text messages, and be totally caught up on social media hours before the first alarm goes off in my house. And as long as everything I read and see is positive and encouraging and completely wonderful, I can say with enthusiasm, Yes! I can take on this day!

But in reality there’s usually something I click on that is less than awesome. And when I choose to give the first moments of my day to those things… those shouts of the world… instead of spending them with God, I sense my soul getting a bit parched. Small things annoy me. The Lord seems a little farther away from my life that day. And I just can’t shake that nagging feeling that I’m not measuring up.

Even if you’re not an early riser, I have a sneaking suspicion that you know what I’m talking about. I want to start giving my first thoughts of the day to the Lord. So, here are 3 reasons that we should reach for God’s Word in the morning instead of social media, email, and other distractions:

1) What feeds us, affects us. When I wake up, my mind is like a dry sponge. What I soak up first will saturate me most deeply. If I don’t want to be consumed with the stresses of my day, I must soak up what will renew my mind instead: God’s Word. Even if it’s only for 5 minutes, I’ve got to put the world on hold until I’ve checked in with God.

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” Philippians 4:8 (NIV)

2) There are scientifically-proven benefits. I read some research by Dr. Caroline Leaf recently that revealed something so fascinating. When we sleep our brains produce baby neurons. How we use those new neurons first thing in the morning determines so much about our patterns of thought for that day. And that process is called… neuroGENESIS! How cool is that?! Giving the Lord our first thoughts – our genesis thoughts – each day can really help us process life in healthier ways. So from a spiritual and scientific standpoint our first 5 minutes really matter!

“ …We take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” 2 Corinthians 10:5b (NIV)

3) God desires to help us. He wants to give us the exact instruction and comfort we need to handle all He sees coming our way—how to act and, even more challenging, how to react in every situation. But we can’t experience that if we aren’t spending time with Him. Giving Him our first thoughts each day is the perfect way from the start to receive His protection and direction for that day.

“In everything you do, put God first, and he will direct you…” Proverbs 3:6 (TLB)

At Proverbs 31 Ministries, we think it’s so important to give the first moments of our day to God. And our brand new app, First 5, is designed to help you do just that! You can set your morning alarm in the app and when you turn it off, the first thing you’ll read is a 5-minute teaching from the Bible.

We’re excited to announce that First 5 is ready for download and our very first in-app study of the book of John begins TODAY!

All you need to do is download the free app to get started. Find out more at www.First5.org.

Related posts:

How to Transform Your Time with God
Make Your First 5 Count
5 Scriptures to Help Your Child Through Fear & Change

Every Book Starts with a Sentence

(In light of our She Speaks Conference happening this week, I thought a blog post on how to write a book might be helpful! Be sure to read the whole post for a free gift we’re offering.)

One of the most common things people share with me when they find out I’m an author is that they want to write a book. And I believe they should.

Not everyone will be published but having your thoughts, life lessons, and creative stories captured in a place outside your mind is good. I would treasure one page of wisdom written by my great grandmother. But all her words died with her. And I feel that tragic loss in deep places that ache for her godly wisdom.

So, if you feel inspired to write – write.

If not a whole book, one page.

If not a whole page, one sentence.

No time spent recording God’s activity in your life is ever wasted.

But if you do feel called to write a book, how does one do this? Where do you begin?

For me a book usually begins with me paying attention to three things:

* A string of life lessons I’m learning that have a common theme.

* Conversations I have with others where they bring up this same theme.

* A deep conviction that God wants me to park my brain and my heart on this topic for a good long while.

Then I put these initial thoughts about the theme of the book through a filter of questions:

* Is there an audience (beyond just my mom and my best friend) interested in this theme?

* What problem are these audience members having for which my book could be a possible solution?

* Do I have some fresh, unique, and reliable answers to share that meet the felt need of this group of people?

* Have I struggled enough with this theme to be authentically relatable as I write about it?

* Have I made enough progress in this area to handle the material in a responsible and biblical way?

I use these questions to help me hone the concept of my book. And it’s usually in this pondering and questioning of the concept of a possible book that 75% of my possible book ideas die. Because if I can’t make it work in the concept phase of a book, I won’t stay interested enough in this topic to write 60,000 words.

And heaven help the reader of a book whose author has lost interest in their own material 20,000 words in. Have you ever read a book that started off great but then started boring the mess out of you? Me too. It’s disappointing. And it’s usually because the author didn’t hone their concept enough before jumping into writing the book.

Once the concept is fully explored, it’s time to develop the content.

I start with the word count and chapter count. A typical non-fiction book for me is about 60,000 words. I personally like shorter chapters that are pretty consistent in length. So, if my chapters are going to be around 5,000 words… I will need 12 chapters.

As I look at what these 12 chapters will be, I draw a circle with 12 spokes coming out of it. In the circle I write the “focus sentence” of my book. A focus sentence is that one statement that encapsulates the value I want my reader to get from this message.

Note, I didn’t say that I write what the book is about. Nope. I write a sentence that reminds me exactly what my reader will get from this message. For example, for my book Unglued, my focus sentence was:

“This book will help a reader make imperfect progress with their reactions and therefore their relationships as they know with confidence how to better handle conflict.”

Then I start writing possible chapter ideas that stay very true to this pure focus. I use key words from my focus sentence to seed my chapter ideas and keep me “focused.”

So, based on the sentence I shared above I will come up with some chapter ideas on IMPERFECT PROGRESS, REACTIONS, RELATIONSHIPS, EXTERNAL CONFLICT RESOLUTION IDEAS, and INTERNAL CONFLICT RESOLUTION IDEAS.

Then I start writing. With a sentence. And then another. And another.

And as I write these sentences that form chapters, that eventually form a book, I remember each sentence matters. It’s my responsibility to write sentences that are authentic and inspired and true and well crafted. Not English class perfect. More conversational. With threads of personality that clearly demonstrate a consistent voice my readers have come to expect from me.

These sentences, they matter. After all, it’s not often whole books but rather sentences tucked within chapters that change people’s lives.

And at the end of the day, that’s why I sit at my computer and tap these keys for hours at a time. I love untangling thoughts that might possibly be used by God to help another.

It’s a process, this book writing thing. It’s hard and messy and crazy time-consuming. But what a wondrous thing to have words that live on beyond us. Sentences that linger and continue to inspire. Yes, please.

Now, here’s the fun surprise… you can join me LIVE from the Proverbs 31 Ministries She Speaks Conference for my opening keynote this Friday, July 24 at 9:30am EST! Here’s how you do it:

1) Download our new app, First 5, on your mobile device. You can find out how at www.First5.org.

2) Open the app and tune in on Friday to watch the live stream through First 5.

It’s really that easy! Oh, I just can’t wait to have you with us. And if you think of it, say a little prayer for me. As many times as I speak to people, I still get that queasy, nervous, bite-my-fingernails-to-the-nub feeling before going on stage! For real.

Thank you! Now, go write your heart out.

Related posts:

Her Success Does Not Threaten Mine
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A Sneak Peek of My Next Book

How to Read the Bible in a New Way

I loved God. I was serving in ministry. I was doing all the right stuff but I felt distant and parched.

I’d been reading the Bible because that’s what Jesus-following girls do. But I was tired of reading my same go-to Scriptures over and over. I wanted more. I wanted to dive deeper. I wanted the Bible to make sense and make a difference in how I lived my life.

I was desperate for a fresh experience with God and His Word.

If you can relate to feeling the deep ache of wanting more for your spiritual life, watch the video below…

(If you’re viewing this post in an email, click here to watch the video.)

Pre-order your Experience Guide today for our study of John and get it for a special, limited time price of $13! The 21-day study begins July 27. Click here to purchase your Experience Guide.

I can’t wait to take this journey with you!

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What Are You Missing?

A few summers ago, my son, Mark, was working at a family camp. While the mountains were breathtaking, the friends were plentiful, and the food was every teenager’s dream, he missed home. Not horribly – but just enough to tug on the vulnerable places of his heart.

I knew he needed some sweet comfort from home. So, I packaged up some things he needed and a few things that I simply knew would make him happy and sent my gift of love.

After a few days, I kept wondering when I’d get a text message from him with smiles and thank you’s and “wow – you’re the best mom ever.” A girl can dream right?

But no text message came.

Each day that went by I got more and more frustrated by his lack of acknowledgement of my gift. Then I started to wonder if he’d ever even received it. So, I had Art, my non-emotional husband, call because he could simply ask, “Did you get the package from mom?”

And Mark simply said, “Oh yeah, I did get a box from mom but I haven’t opened it yet.”

Hunh? Who gets a gift of love packaged up and sent to them and doesn’t even take the time to open it?

But the Holy Spirit has been showing me that sometimes I do the exact same thing to the Lord. Ouch. You can read more of my post over at (in)courage today here.

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I Found What I Want to Do the Rest of My Life

Why Do Girls Like to Take So Many Pictures?

The looks from the guys were unmistakable. Pausing for another picture meant they were about to enter into their girl’s quest for the perfect shot that looks accidentally awesome.

So the directions to the dudes begin:

Look natural but please strike a pose.

Look casual but please don’t be goofy.

Smile but not so big as to make it look forced.

Place your arms around me…

No, to the side…

No, that actually isn’t working at all. It makes me look bigger than you.

Just drop your arms and let me just hold onto your side which helps hide my hips.

Okay, now smile.

No, not like that.

Not like that either.

I mean show your teeth but not all the way to your gums.

You know that look like we just caught you in your most happy moment ever? That’s what we are going for.

Just look like you are really enjoying yourself.

Snap. Snap. Snap.

Okay, now let me see. Okay, that was good but let’s try a few more.

And so goes the torture of getting “that” picture.

Maybe you are a guy who loves this whole process because you are the picture lover in your family more than the girls. All the heart emojis to you today.

I happen to do life with less enthusiastic fellas.

So, here’s a quick little article to help you understand what’s really going on with these pictures that feel so very painful to capture. It’s more than an Instagram post. It’s more than an addition to our Facebook timeline. It’s more than a potential new profile pic or screen saver for our phone.

When a girl loves a guy she wants to be able to prove to herself this is real.

He is my person. I am his. And together we stand.

Pictures are a way to snag the essence of the making of us.

Like Romans 12: 9 says it’s her way to “cling to what is good.”

A picture to a girl isn’t just a way to capture a memory. It’s a way to preserve a million thoughts and feelings and hopes and dreams culminating into that very moment with you.

She’ll revisit that picture many times.

She will hold it in her hand and turn it this way and that. And the stability of that picture that doesn’t change will give her hope that the two of you can stand the test of time.

And it will make her feel safe when her heart gets shaky. She’ll examine the way you were holding her hand or touching her face or looking toward her.

This picture will prove something she needs to know but can’t explain.

This picture is a great gift you are giving her without even realizing it. Trust me, it’s worth it.

They say a picture is worth a thousand words. So very true.

So, think of the taking of this picture as your way of expressing things she’s desperate to hear you say but you’ll never think of all the words.

And the next photo she asks for? See it as the love note you don’t have to write. The song to her you don’t have to compose. The poem about your love you didn’t have to anguish over.

Look at her with great adoration and right before they snap the picture whisper into her ear, “I’m seriously the luckiest guy on the planet.”

Related posts:

What Ignoring God Could Have Cost Me
A Sneak Peek of My Next Book
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4 Fun Ways to Grow Your Child’s Faith

My kids have always been fascinated when I’ve shared things I remember from my childhood with them. Those memories are especially meaningful when I point out how the stories relate to my life now.

So much about our stories can be traced back to God’s hand working in our lives, and when we share them, our kids can see evidence that Jesus is real and intimately involved with us.

What’s even more surprising is that they can later recall them in surprising detail! It’s amazing how well they remember the life lessons that I tie to the stories I tell.

While it may be difficult for a child to recall a passage of Scripture they just read, most can recall in specific detail the accounts of a story.

For instance, I love to tell them of the time my stepdad brought home a hand-me-down typewriter from his office. I placed my hands on the keys and wondered what it would be like to type pages of legible words. I loved the rap-tip-tap sound it made and envisioned myself finishing the final page of a book. I didn’t know enough words at that point to write an entire book, but one day I would.

That story allowed me to point out that even back then, Jesus was preparing me for my calling as an author. And although my kids may not understand their own callings yet, by seeing me live out mine and knowing that the Lord put it in my heart at a young age, they understand the reality that God does indeed have a plan for their lives. This gives them access to Divine Truth.

Jesus wanted children to have access to Him, “‘Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.’” (Matthew 19:14)

Tim Kimmel, in his book, “Why Christian Kids Rebel,” explains the number one reason that children walk away from the faith is that they never see it make a real difference in the lives of their parents.

So now, not only do I trace the hand of God in my past stories, but I also constantly look for ways to exemplify Jesus today.

I point out answers to things we’ve prayed about.

I show them the many ways God provides and make sure they know where credit is due.

I live my faith out loud so they cannot miss that Christ is the center of our home.

He has become too real to deny.

I pray my kids will start collecting their own stories of experiencing God. Then they can share the reality of Christ’s presence with their friends today and with their own children in the future. Yes, indeed, let the children have access to Jesus.

Help your child look for the hand of God in their life with “4 Fun Ways to Grow Your Child’s Faith”!

Sign up to receive these FREE activity sheets today.

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When I Want to Be Mean

I looked at the text message in complete disbelief. Why couldn’t this person see how insensitive and hurtful she was being?

I don’t know who made up the saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” Either they had nerves of steel, or they lived on a deserted island with no other people. Because not only do words hurt me but they make me want to fight back and be mean, too.

Have you ever had a little situation with someone where you just knew you were right and they were wrong? Or at least you could make a really good case for your side of things?

Oh how I have this burning need to state my case in these kinds of situations. It’s like an inner attorney rises up desperate to defend my rights and get the other person to see things my way. This is pretty normal, right?

Yes. But normal doesn’t always mean good. Especially in light of Colossians 2:6-7, “So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.”

I should live rooted in Jesus’ teaching and overflow with thankfulness. The opposite of this is when I’m rooted in self-centered opinions and overflowing with grumbling. I need to let God show me how to see things from this other person’s side and gain a different perspective. In doing so, I will be strengthened and taught.

Colossians 3:12-14 reminds me, “… as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity” (NIV).

My job isn’t to fix this person or make them see my side of things. My job is to obey God by offering an extension of the forgiveness I’ve been given. But I can also stay healthy in this situation by remembering forgiveness doesn’t mean giving this person access in my life that sets me up for destructive patterns.

Finally, Colossians 3:17 reminds me, “And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him” (NIV).

Everything I do and say tells a story of whom I serve. If I act out of anger and spite, I give in to the ways of the enemy, spreading his darkness. If I honor the Lord with my actions, I serve to further the Name of Jesus and spread His light.

At the end of the day, honoring God leads to good things. Anything else leads to confusion, emotional exhaustion and a lack of good things.

I processed the text message mentioned above with my husband. He said something that brought much clarity. “Lysa, you know when you’ve taken the high road, God blesses you. You’ve seen these blessings over and over as you’ve made choices that honor God. So choose a blessing today and save yourself the emotional turmoil of trying to prove you’re right.”

He’s a smart man.

I know this isn’t easy stuff. I’m having to live it in the midst of feeling hurt. But I’m also feeling more at peace being able to see another perspective — a healthier perspective — a Biblical perspective. And I’m really excited about the blessings that are surely coming my way.

Dear Lord, You know the hurtful words and actions that have come my way. Please give me Your strength to not retaliate, but instead to react based on Your Truth. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Gain a deep sense of calm by responding to situations out of your control without acting out of control with my book Unglued. You can get your copy here.

Today I’m giving away 5 copies of Unglued! Leave a comment below telling me one way you’ll choose to take the high road this week.

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How to Transform Your Time with God

Somewhere along my Christian journey I picked up a checklist of sorts with what good Christians are supposed to do:

Pray.

Read your Bible.

Go to church.

Don’t cuss.

Be nice.

Being the rule-following girl I am, I subscribed to these good disciplines. However, none of it felt personal to me. Day by day, I waited with great expectations to receive the zap of contentment and happiness good Christian girls are supposed to exude.

But I still felt restless. I still reacted in anger. I still felt a bit hollow. I was going through all the motions but didn’t feel connected to Jesus.

Others around me seemed very connected. They would talk of being ‘moved by the spirit.’ They would hear from God Himself. They would clap their hands and shout “amen” in the middle of a sermon that sounded like Greek to me.

I often felt like a weightless soul grasping at the air hoping to somehow snag this Jesus that was just out of reach. Have you ever been there?

Have you ever sat in a church service watching everyone else eagerly flip open their Bibles to the exact right passage while you were left sweating because you didn’t have a clue how to find what they were reading?

Have you ever walked out of church watching everyone else smile and seem so gentle while you mentally beat yourself up for throwing a fit with your family that very morning?

Suddenly this nagging sense creeps in that you don’t belong – that you’ll never get it – that you don’t have what it takes to be a Christian. That’s where I was. I lived there for a long time until someone challenged me to stop simply reading my Bible because it was a thing on my Christian checklist. They challenged me to experience God. And then they guided me through the process of connecting God’s Word in my everyday life.

If that’s where you are now, or if you know someone who’s in that place, we’re creating an app at Proverbs 31 Ministries called “First 5” that will help us give God our first thoughts of the day before social media or email distracts us.

I’m confident this app will guide you into His Word in such a way you experience God.

And I want to give you the opportunity to be informed about the First 5 app through our interest list before it launches this summer.

By signing up for the interest list, you will…

• Have a chance to be among the first few people to use First 5 and provide your feedback to our app development team

• See the features of the app in detail

• Get all the updates about the launch before anyone else!

• Be entered to win some of our fun, weekly giveaways

Sign up… yourself! Your daughter! Your friends!

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I’m so excited about First 5 and I think you will be too.

Because when we put God first by giving Him our first moments of the day, we will be radically changed. His truth will become the new filter through which we process life.

And spending time with Him will become one of our greatest joys instead of just another thing on the Christian checklist.

Related posts:

Make Your First 5 Count
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Please Interrupt Me

I wonder if the greatest witnessing tool available to us Christians is often pushed aside because of our busyness.

Recently, I was focused on all the items on my seemingly never-ending to-do list.

As I was sitting at a stoplight a friend called me and started lamenting that her son had forgotten his lunch and his belt required by the school’s uniform policy.

She was stressed and trying to get in touch with her husband who’d just dropped her son off at school. She was at home with a new baby feeling groggy from a sleepless night and overwhelmed by her situation.

Her son could probably get his friends to share their lunches with him. But, the belt would be a problem. The school would call her when they noticed the missing belt and require her to bring one. She lives over 20 minutes from the school.

As I sat at the stoplight listening to my friend, I looked to the store off to my right. That store has belts. That store has lunch food.

I was faced with a decision: Could I help?

If you’ve ever let busyness take precedence over the blessing of divine interruptions, read more of the story over at (in)courage today here.

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Read This Before Making That Decision

Do you need to make a decision about something that seems so exciting, but you can’t seem to shake the hesitation in your heart?

My husband, Art, and I have a friend named Wes who has been fascinated with pilots and planes since he was a little boy. For years he dreamed of the life he’s now living as a flight-school instructor.

It’s thrilling. But recently it’s all become a bit more complicated. The owner of the flight school decided to offer Wes the opportunity to buy him out. It’s an amazing opportunity. But a scary one. One that created a bit of hesitation for Wes.

Art and I both have spent lots of time processing this decision with Wes. I’ve helped him with assessing the costs to this endeavor: the cost to him personally, the cost to his young wife, and the cost of everyday pressures people who own their own businesses feel.

As we were talking one day, I shared with him a picture I keep in my mind when making decisions.

Imagine this opportunity as an amazingly attractive but fast-moving river. There is so much that looks extremely appealing about this river, that you’re going to be tempted to jump right in. But once in the river, you have diminished your ability to make decisions.

That river is moving so fast that it will take you where it is going. And if you haven’t carefully determined in advance whether you want to go all the places where the river flows, you’ll be in trouble.

College students declaring their majors should trace the places that career will take them. If you think you want to major in chemistry but hate working in a lab or hospital, trace that river’s path before jumping in.

Dating couples who are thinking about marriage should trace out what the term “settle down” means to each of them. If one is thinking mission field in a third-world country and the other a townhouse in middle America, trace that river’s path before jumping in.

Moms who are thinking about a new business opportunity should trace out all the expenses of getting started, including upfront costs, childcare and inventory. If a mom’s desire is to stay at home with the kids but this business will require her to be gone every night of the week, trace that river’s path before jumping in.

Before jumping into the river, you have the ability to walk up and down the banks of the river with ease.

You have the ability to stick your toes in and consider what this water will be like.

You can talk to other wise people who know things about this river. And sit quietly listening for God’s voice, reading His Word and looking for confirmation on what to do next.

But once you jump in, the current has a way of demanding your full attention. It’s not that you can’t make adjustments once you’re in the river; it’s just a lot harder to go a different direction once you’re in it.

Several verses describing God’s leading, directing and guiding beside the water have been great comfort to me:

• “He who has compassion on them will guide them and lead them beside springs of water“ (Isaiah 49:10b, NIV).

• “The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me to lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside the still waters. He restores my soul; He leads me in the paths of righteousness for His name’s sake” (Psalm 23:1-3, NKJV).

• “With weeping they shall come, and with pleas for mercy I will lead them back, I will make them walk by brooks of water, in a straight path in which they shall not stumble, for I am a father to Israel” (Jeremiah 31:9, ESV).

These are comforting to me because a lot is talked about in the Christian world about stepping out in faith — which I believe in wholeheartedly.

I believe God clearly instructs some to jump right in.

But that doesn’t mean God calls everyone to jump right in. Sometimes the greater act of faith is to let God lead us, talk to us and instruct us beside the water.

Dear Lord, I want to really think about this river before jumping in. Reveal anything I might not be seeing right now. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Overcome the agony of hard choices with a wisdom-based decision making process in my book The Best Yes! Get your copy here.

Related posts:

I Want to Quit Ministry
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It’s Almost Here… “The Best Yes”