Lysa TerKeurst's Blog, page 14

Letting God Fill in the Blanks

“Jesus answered, ‘I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.’” John 14:6 (NIV)

There’s this little painting that hangs in my home. Most people wouldn’t consider it a masterpiece. I only paid $5 for it at an estate sale, but I like it because it speaks redemption to my soul every time I look at it.

I don’t know what happened to the gal who painted it. All I know is it seems something about her life fell apart. And one day a company opened her front door to strangers. They walked through all the sacred spaces she once called home and bought the stuff her life had collected. I guess I’m too sentimental to attend estate sales; I couldn’t stand it.

But I also couldn’t leave without rescuing something in her creative collection. Then I had the strangest notion to go on a wild adventure to find this unknown painter. I pictured it like an epic scene in a movie where the music crescendos and I find her living in a New York high-rise. I would knock on her door and make the great assumption that she would be thrilled with my announcement.

“I just want you to know I love your work. I bought one of your paintings and it speaks a message of redemption to me every day. And I treasure it.”

Surely then she would get misty eyed, invite me in for coffee and share her devastatingly beautiful story. We would become wonderful unlikely friends. She would go on to become a famous painter. And live happily ever after.

But life isn’t usually as epic as what we see on movie screens. It’s untidy and so unpredictable that our fragile hearts get broken at best, crushed at worst. And sometimes it’s just easier to run away than to risk letting the shards of the fallout cut away the little bit of life still left in us.

No crescendo to the music. No epic arc to the story. No lasting friendship. Just a $5 painting that hangs in my kitchen.

And that’s all I know.

Life sometimes keeps us from details that are better left alone. It keeps some of the blanks blank on the outline of this message.

Does it ever drive you crazy when a speaker gives you an outline with blanks but then skips some of the points? Me too.

We like complete outlines. All the blanks filled in. All the gaps closed. All the details disclosed. And all the why questions answered to our satisfaction.

But that’s not the way life is. Some speakers are disorganized and forgetful. Some gaps too wide to close. And there are some questions for which there are no apparent answers. I believe that’s the way God wants it. Our all-knowing God not only allows this but actually designed life to be this way.

Without blanks, we would have no room for Him to enter in and write His answers. For Him to become the Way when there is no way. For Him to be the Truth when lies long to be what consume our thoughts. For Him to be the Life He’s designed on the other side of our crumbling attempts to control our stories (John 14:6). Our God is not fickle, forgetful or fragile in any way. He does not make mistakes. He purposes the gaps. He allows sacred spaces and blank places. He leaves room.

If we had all the blanks filled in, we would explain away God’s part in our story. God doesn’t want to be explained away. He wants to be invited in. He wants us to make room for His additions to our story.

One time God was told, “There is no room,” and He turned an ordinary stable into an unforgettable sanctuary. “No room” became a space through which Jesus Christ stepped through glory to the grit and grime of this sin-soaked world.

What did He come to bring? Redemption.

And what do the blanks and unanswered questions of your life provide space for? Redemption.

So why is it OK with me if I never know the details of my kitchen painting? Redemption.

Related posts:

Facing the Impossible
Overcoming the Overwhelming for Mother’s Day
Getting Past My Past

A Gut-Honest Look at Love

“It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” 1 Corinthians 13:7-8a (NIV)

Today I’m feeling so challenged to look at love a little differently. Sometimes in the gut-honest quietness of my heart, I look at love through the eyes of what it will offer me.

I hold out the little cup of my heart to the people I love, “Will you fill my empty spaces? Today will you do that one really thoughtful thing and make me feel like I’m the most noticed and special woman in the world?”

Then I hold it out to my children, “Will you fill up my empty spaces? Will you do something today that makes me look really good as a mom so I’ll feel a little more validated?”

Then I hold it out to my ministry, “Will you fill up my empty spaces? Will you provide something today that makes me feel more significant?”

Maybe today seems like an odd time to consider such things.

But as we start a new year I actually think today is the perfect time to hit the reset button on my sometimes frail heart. Love is a tricky thing. Our hearts were created to crave it. God proclaims that love is greater than hope and greater than faith.

Amazing.

God also proclaims that love never fails. And in the quietness of my heart that verse from 1 Corinthians 13 makes me squirm a bit. I see love failing all the time. Or do I?

If my only view of love is what it will give me, love from others will fail me every time. It’s not that love fails. It’s that other people were never meant to be my God. Even a wonderful family and a thriving ministry can never truly fill me up, right all my wrongs and soothe those deep insecurities.

No, I can’t read 1 Corinthians chapter 13 with eyes hungry to see what love should give me, and then demand it from those around me. I should read those steadfast Scriptures with the realization: This is the kind of love I can choose to give.

I can choose that my love will be patient. My love will be kind. My love won’t keep a record of wrongs. (Ouch — that’s a hard one, right?)

I can choose that my love will protect and persevere.

And I can choose to lay the cup of my heart at Jesus’ feet and stop twirling, twirling, twirling, hoping — no, demanding — that those around me do things for me they were never meant to do.

Love isn’t what I have the opportunity to get from this world. Love is what I have the opportunity to give.

Sweet friend… if you’re trying to figure out how to let God provide the love your heart is aching for, I want to invite you to check out my new Bible study, Finding I Am. With this study, you’ll learn to:

• Trade feelings of emptiness and depletion for a more personal fulfillment from knowing who Jesus is.

• Stop living like a slave to your circumstances by training your heart to embrace the life-giving freedom God wants for you.

• Gain a better understanding of how Jesus’ words 2,000 years ago are so very applicable to the answers we are searching for today.

On January 23, we’re starting a FREE online Bible study of Finding I Am through Proverbs 31 Ministries. And I want you to join in. To find out more information and to sign up, click here!

Related posts:

Desperate for Reassurance
Did I Hear God Wrong?
Lord, protect me from the world’s wonky view of love

Facing the Impossible

Whenever I’ve stepped out to do something I felt God calling me to do, the voices of criticism and condemnation have been there to greet me.

Early on in ministry the voices were loud and cruel: “You’ll never be a speaker.” “You are not wanted.” “Look at you. Do you really think God could use someone like you after what you’ve done?”

Sometimes I measured myself against other people. “She’s so clever. She’s so educated. She’s so connected. Who am I compared to all that?”

Gradually, I pulled away. I put up a front of perfection with carefully crafted words and a house and kids that looked just right. Polished on the outside — yet completely undone on the inside.

Eventually the Lord called my bluff.

I was simultaneously going through the books Experiencing God by Henry Blackaby and Victory Over the Darkness by Neil T. Anderson. Often I would have tears stream from my eyes while attempting to get through the lessons. But one day, it was more than just tears. It was sobs pouring from a chest so heavy with burdens I thought I might literally break apart.

Down on my face, I asked God to speak to me. What I heard in reply was one simple yet life-changing question: “Will you share your story?”

“Yes, I will share my story. The good parts. The parts that are safe and tidy and acceptable.”

But safe and tidy and acceptable were not what God was looking for. He wanted the impossible.

Totally impossible.

Absolutely impossible … in my own strength.

But God wouldn’t drop it. He met every one of my arguments with Scriptures about relying not on my strength, but on His.

He untangled my need for approval with the challenge to live for an audience of One. He helped me see where the voices of doubt were coming from and challenged me to consider the source. And, quite simply, He kept whispering He loved me over and over again.

The first time I shared my story was nothing but an act of absolute obedience. I kept my head down and my guard up. I expected the ladies listening to all start stoning me … especially when I got to the part about my abortion. The shame of all the abuse and rejection was nothing compared to the shame of my choice to abort my child.

I’d wept over that choice.

I’d repented.

I’d gone to God hundreds of times and asked for forgiveness.

I’d laid it down every time there was an altar call.

But nothing brought the redemption that this day brought. As I stood shaking at that podium, I shared exactly what and how God asked me to share.

And then the miracle happened.

When I finished and dared to look up at their reactions, tearstained faces were looking back at me. Mouths were whispering, “Me too. Me too.”

In that moment, I finally understood the idea that “what Satan means for evil, God can use for good” like Genesis 50:20 tells us.

Seeing God use the very thing that made me feel utterly worthless to help others changed everything. I was finally breaking free from Satan’s chains of shame and could see his lies for what they were.

In that moment, I felt victorious — not in my own power, but in the Lord’s strength and ability to use all things for good. Without that decision of obedience, I would not have been able to see how God wanted to work in the lives of so many women that night.

This is our heart at Proverbs 31 Ministries — to help women dismantle the lies of the enemy with the truth of God so they can walk in freedom. Because when one woman finds freedom, she is able to help countless others discover freedom in Christ!

Will you prayerfully consider partnering with us? We want to continue providing free biblical resources like our daily devotions, First 5 app, online Bible studies, and more but we can’t do it without your help.

If Proverbs 31 Ministries has encouraged you and helped you hold God’s Truth closer, we invite you to join us in continuing to bring the Gospel to women all over the world! You can do this by contributing financially or through prayer. All donations go right back into the everyday operations and expansion efforts of the ministry. Click here to give to Proverbs 31 Ministries today!

Related posts:

The Best Decision My Parents Made During My Worst Time
The Uninvited Webcast and a Special Surprise
Getting Past My Past

How To Really Adore Him This Christmas

Oh come let us adore Him.

ADORE.

Jesus, this is the cry of my soul: I want to adore You. This Christmas, my desire is to…

A– Accept You into that place of my heart grown distant and resistant.

D– Decide to reverse the script of old by saying: Yes, there is room for You here, Jesus. Move in. Change me. Rearrange me. Heal me.

O– Order my steps toward forgiveness and away from bitterness.

R– Renew the lovely and beautiful inside of me. Jesus, whisper reminders of life, humility, grace, gentleness, and the assurance of Your forever love.

E– Even when circumstances beg me to grow cold, Lord, help me keep the flame of my first love burning so brightly that people are forced to consider how real You are. And as they walk away from me might they dare think, Now there’s a girl who has spent some time with Jesus.

It’s been a year full of extreme highs and lows year for my family. So these reminders are good for my heart to soak in this Christmas. And I hope they speak to you too. I’m praying that you experience the love of Christ more than ever this season.

Merry Christmas from my family to yours!

Related posts:

Why Did This Happen, God?
Why You Don’t Have to Fear the Upcoming Election
Devastated but not Destroyed

Why Did This Happen, God?

“I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:12-13 (NIV)

Has God ever hurt your feelings? I’ll be honest, sometimes I’ll read those verses from Philippians and think to myself: This is a tough pill to swallow.

Content in any and every situation?

Really?

When my middle daughter, Ashley, was younger, she was a state champion gymnast. To see her do gymnastics was like looking at God smile. She was beautiful, graceful and captivating to watch.

Then one night while practicing for one of the largest tournaments she’d ever competed in, she fell. It was a move she’d done hundreds of times with the greatest of ease. But this time something went terribly wrong and that one mistake destroyed her gymnastic dreams.

We spent a year going from doctor to doctor, only to be told she’d never be able to support the weight of her body on her injured shoulder again. Watching a 14-year-old girl wrestle with the fact that her dreams were stripped from her doesn’t exactly lend itself to feelings of contentment. Now, I know in the grand scheme of life, people face much worse situations. But in her world, this was huge.

It was so tempting to want to wallow in the “why” questions and tell God He’d hurt our feelings.

Why did this happen?

Why didn’t You stop this, God?

Why weren’t my prayers answered?

Have you ever been there? Have you ever had a big situation in your life where you just couldn’t process why God would allow this to happen? Maybe it’s one of your young children having behavioral issues that seems crazy complicated and daunting. Or one of your older children having issues with addictions and devastating life choices. Or your husband being distant or possibly even destructive in making choices that are harming your marriage. Or another year of singleness that brings you wave after wave of grief, while watching others celebrating the gift of true love.

It’s so tempting to wallow in the “why.”

Asking why is perfectly normal. Asking why isn’t unspiritual. However, if asking this question pushes us further from God rather than drawing us closer to Him, it is the wrong question.

If asking the why question doesn’t offer hope, what will?

The what question.

In other words: “Now that this is my reality, what am I supposed to do with it?”

Philippians 4:8 says, “Finally brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable — if anything is excellent or praiseworthy — think about such things.”

I like to call this verse, “Directions on Where to Park My Mind.”

And that’s exactly what Ashley had to do with her dashed gymnastics dreams. Instead of wallowing in why did this happen, I had to help her say:

This is my reality. Now what am I going to do with it?

What can I learn from this?

What part of this is for my protection?

What other opportunities could God be providing?

What maturity could God be building into me?

Switching from the why to the what questions paves the road to parking our minds in a much better place.

Is it always easy? No.

But is it a way to find a perspective beyond situations where we feel God has allowed something in our lives we don’t understand and we absolutely don’t like?

Yes, it is, and I pray this helps you today. Because even if our circumstances aren’t good, we can trust God’s purpose always is.

Dear Lord, I want to process everything I face in life through the filter of Your love. I know You love me. But sometimes it’s just hard to understand the circumstances that come my way. I find myself consumed with trying to figure things out rather than looking for Your perspective and trusting You. Thank You for this new way to look at things. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

If disappointing circumstances have left your heart feeling empty and depleted, you can trade those feelings for a more personal fulfillment from knowing who Jesus is. That’s what my new Bible study, Finding I Am, is all about. You can pre-order your copy here and receive FREE resources you won’t be able to get once the study releases!

And today I’m giving away 5 copies of the Finding I Am study guide to randomly chosen commenters! Just leave a comment below for your chance to win.

Related posts:

If God is Near, Why Does He Feel So Far Away?
How to Wait on God Without Losing Faith
Why Would God Let This Happen?

If God is Near, Why Does He Feel So Far Away?

There is a desperate cry within my heart that I’ve longed with every fiber of my being to see come to pass. Minutes have turned into days and weeks and years of learning to make some sort of spiritual peace. On my good days I stand assured, “It’s just not God’s timing yet.”

But on my less stellar days I crumble, afraid and hurt, “God, why? You know how much this ache in my heart steals a piece of too many of my smiles. Quite honestly, I’m tired of wondering if you’re withholding because I’m not good enough, capable enough, spiritual enough, trusting enough, or mature enough. I guess I’m really tired of hoping.”

And I don’t think I’m alone in feeling this way.

What is that relationship, that insecurity, that hurt, that desire, that prayer you’ve brought to God countless times?

In my own pain, I’ve learned that Jesus not only cares about our deep, spiritual wrestling, but He wants to step in and see us through it.

That’s why I wrote my new Bible study, Finding I AM: How Jesus Fully Satisfies the Cry of Your Heart. Through this interactive, in-depth study, you will learn to:

· Trade feelings of emptiness and depletion for a more personal fulfillment from knowing who Jesus is.

· Stop living like a slave to your circumstances by training your heart to embrace the life-giving freedom God wants for you.

· Gain a better understanding of how Jesus’ words 2,000 years ago are so very applicable to the answers we are searching for today.

If you’re new to Bible studies, this is the place to start. If you’ve studied the Bible for years, it’s time to travel to the Holy Land via video and see the truth of Jesus come to life like never before.

Finding I AM doesn’t release until January but if you pre-order today you’ll get all kinds of free resources to help you along the journey!

You can pre-order by clicking here.

Related posts:

3 Things to Remember When It’s Hard to Forgive
I wanted you to be one of the first to know
Why Would God Let This Happen?

What We Can Do About This Election

We’re about to witness what might be one of the most divisive yet monumental elections in American history.

Some of us will rejoice with the results tonight and some of us will fall asleep weeping for what the election may mean for this country. Either way, it will be our reality.

But I refuse for that reality to stifle my sense of possibility. An election can determine who sits in political offices but it is God who is ultimately in control.

Now is the time for Christians to live the message of Christ. Maybe, more than ever before, we will be invited outside our comfort zones where living what we believe won’t be as easy. And dare I say, that may be the best thing that has happened to Christians in a very long time.

It’s one thing to hold fast to traditional principles, but a completely different thing to act whole-heartedly upon them.

It’s easy to say abortion is wrong, but let’s walk beside and support that woman who chooses life.

It’s easy to think we should help the poor, but let’s also write that check from our own bank accounts to do so.

It’s easy to point out wrongs in other people, but let’s also examine the many places we ourselves fall so short.

It’s easy to point out problems, but let’s also sacrifice our time to be part of the solution.

These are the choices that being a Christian is supposed to propel us to make. With grace and gentleness and humble spirits, we are to be more than a band of people labeled as conservatives. We are to actively be Christ’s hands and feet in this world.

Jesus never called us to the comfortable life. He called us to follow Him through whatever life hands us.

Jesus never waited for the circumstances of the times to line up in His favor. He called us to follow Him and be light in the darkness.

And in following Jesus, an air of excited expectancy will be breathed fresh in our souls.

Abraham Lincoln once said to a very divided country, “We are not enemies, but friends … though passion may have strained it must not break our bonds of affection.”

Now is the time to be representatives of truth to all those around us. May we Christians be seen not as those who continue to strain against the unity of our country, but as followers of Jesus, who shine the light of His eternal hope.

Now is the time… today is the day… to follow Jesus like never before.

Related posts:

Why You Don’t Have to Fear the Upcoming Election
Getting Past My Past
Where I Really Fall Short

How to Wait on God Without Losing Faith

Have you ever wondered whether waiting on God is really worth it? My friend Wendy Pope is guest posting on the blog today to encourage us through those hard (and sometimes impossibly long) seasons where we’re desperate for a breakthrough.

We prayed for healing.

We anointed with oil.

We believed.

We waited and we waited… And we waited some more.

Have you been there? Have you done that? I should probably back up a bit so you can get the whole picture.

On November 23, 1991, I married the man of dreams…literally. Tall. Blond hair. Blue eyes. Drove a fast red sports car. (OK. I know this is little vain, right? But I was in my late teens.) A Christian. There. Yes God, that kind of guy will do just fine. Yep. That was him, the man I wanted to marry. So standing before Scott on our wedding day, you can only imagine how divinely blessed I believed my marriage would be since God answered my prayers down to eye color. With great confidence, we danced into our life of bliss.

Fast-forward to our earlier 40’s, you know, that time when we start noticing lines around our eyes, loosen the belt to the next hole, and grunt when we stand up. These are the typical signs of normal wear and tear that come with age, but my healthy husband seemed to have aches and issues beyond the norm. Without warning, we were thrust into a season of sickness and revolving doors of medical experts.

We started this health journey with hope, but for eighteen months doctors probed, prodded, and stuck the body of my once strong and healthy husband. This specialist treated his symptoms with that medication. That specialist treated his symptoms with different medication.

The seemingly never-ending roller coaster of meds and doctor visits finally stopped when we heard two life-altering words to my worn-out and weary husband: rheumatoid arthritis. Finally, a diagnosis…finally, an answer. Oh how we wanted our medical wait to end; but let’s face it, sometimes our wait doesn’t end as we expect. Sometimes it seems our wait will never end.

The wait is more about experiencing God than enduring the delay. Instead of getting distracted by the object of our wait, a medical diagnosis, we can grow closer to God, the Person of our faith. Here are three truths we can tuck deep in our heart to help us wait without losing faith.

1) Maintain your spiritual strength through prayer and reading God’s Word.

I realize this is the Sunday School answer. I also know that when waiting has stolen your peace, praying and reading your Bible is not at the top of the to-do list. Long waits can drive a wedge in our relationship with God. Even though I didn’t feel like spending with God, spending time with God was exactly what I needed. Peace will fill our circumstances when we push through our feelings to stay close to God and allow His Word to navigate us through our wait.

Your Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path. (Psalm 119:105 KJV)

2) Fight for praise.

On the days Scott could barely walk praising God felt like a huge sacrifice. I wanted answers from God. I didn’t want to offer applause to God. Through my Bible reading, I fell in love David’s psalms. This man knew about suffering and waiting yet praised God. We can be certain that even on the bad days, God is still good. He will carry us through our season of waiting. Even though it is hard to praise God when the future is unknown, there’s always something worthy of praise.



You are my strength; I wait for you to rescue me, for you, O God, are my fortress. (Psalm 59:9 NLT)

3) Find small and simple ways to love people.

Our churches, neighborhoods, and communities are full of individuals who need a touch from Jesus. This truth is number three for a reason. It is only when we have immersed ourselves in the Word, spent time with God in prayer, and made praise part of our routine that we can help others. Scott and I don’t have to look far to find someone in need. Our troubles seem to be minimized when we focus on someone else.

Whoever refreshes others will be refreshed. (Proverbs 11:25 NIV)

When we find ourselves in a holding pattern, it’s easy to ask, What was I doing wrong? Is God holding my past against me? What do I have to do to earn His favor? Rest assured, God never presses pause out of spite. Sometimes waiting has less to do with the strength of your faith and more to do the perfection of God’s timing. God makes us wait at times so we can glean valuable lessons. In the wait, He is preparing us for what He has already planned for us. Waiting isn’t wasting time; it’s training time.

Wendy is giving away 5 copies of her new book, Wait and See, today! To be entered to win, leave a comment below sharing which of these 3 truths you’re going to implement in your situation this week.

Related posts:

Why You Don’t Have to Fear the Upcoming Election
Is This a Delay or a Dead End?
Getting Past My Past

Desperate for Reassurance

If you’ve ever heard me give my testimony, you know part of what I share is being a little girl twirling around next to my daddy, wishing I could know that he loved me.

Maybe in his own way, he did love me. But something was broken in our relationship that left me feeling desperate for reassurance.

Over the years, God has healed my heart in miraculous ways. Through God’s promises I’ve been reassured of all those things I wished my earthly father would have said. I know God’s love for me is deep, unwavering and certain.

But there are still times I catch myself twirling again. Crying out again. Wishing I could feel totally secure. Hating my insecurities. And mad that this struggle I thought was over, surfaces still.

Maybe it always will.

And maybe that’s not such a bad thing.

For it keeps me desperate for a reassurance I can’t get any other way. It keeps me desperate for God.

I can hear my husband tell me a hundred times that he loves me and no, my backside isn’t big … and yet I still feel my heart desperately twirling.

I can stand in an arena with thousands of people clapping for the message I just gave … and still feel my heart desperately twirling.

I can conquer my food demons and finally fit back into my skinny jeans … and still feel my heart desperately twirling.

The only thing that stops the desperation, the uncertainties, the insecurities, the twirling … is for the Spirit of God to lay across my heart and make it still. The blanket of His presence and His protection is the only perfect fit for the deep creases and crevices carved inside me.

I don’t know what tough things you’ve been through sweet sister, but I do know this: Brokenness is universal. We all have things in life that trigger deep insecurities and our own personal “twirling about,” searching for reassurance.

But here’s the amazing thing.

While brokenness is universal, God’s redemption is also universal for those who proclaim Christ as Lord. No matter what cracks and crevices we have in our hearts, if we seek the truth of God above all else, He is enough to fill in those raw places.

“Whatever is true … think about such things … And the God of peace will be with you” (Philippians 4:8b, 9b).

Have you caught your heart twirling, desperate for reassurance lately? Today, spend a few minutes letting these truths fill your mind and seep into those desperate places of your heart:

“The LORD your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you; but will rejoice over you with singing” (Zephaniah 3:17, NIV).

“I pray that you … may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ” (Ephesians 3:17b, 18, NIV).

“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you” (1 Peter 5:7, NIV).

“The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: ‘I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness’” (Jeremiah 31:3).

I pray these truths flood your heart with peace like they do mine. Peace that gives you permission to stop twirling and start to live like you are loved.

Because you are.

Deeply. Abundantly. And without end.

Related posts:

The Rejection Infection
The Best Decision My Parents Made During My Worst Time
Download Your Free 10-Day Prayer Journal

The Rejection Infection

The plastic seats were green. The desks a dirty beige. The perfect pale color to make pencil marks easy to read.

That’s how I saw what was making the group of girls in front of me laugh. They looked at me and then added to Jennifer’s desk art: a frizzy-headed stick figure with huge buck teeth and crazed eyes. I knew even before I saw the name scribbled, she’d drawn me. Me. An awful caricature of me.

It’s been years since I sat at that dirty beige desk. But it hasn’t been years since I’ve had those same feelings of rejection and hurt. Of course, they aren’t from girls drawing pictures. But meanness hurts, no matter what age or how it’s delivered.

You can take the girl out of middle school, but for many of us, you can’t take the middle school out of the girl.

If you’ve been hurt in this way, you know what I’m talking about. If we’re a stuffer type of person, we want to withdraw and get away from the source of our hurt. If we’re more of an exploder person, we want to attack so they’ll feel as badly as we do.

But here’s where things get a little complicated. Jesus flies in the face of conventional wisdom and instructs us, “love your enemies.”

Seriously?

Something deep inside us whispers, “Don’t you dare love this person. This situation is the exception.”

Let the internal battle begin.

But what if I were to assure you Jesus isn’t being cruel or naive in His command for us to love? He’s actually showing us how to get free from the sting of another person’s wounds. When we’re wounded, we can either pursue healing by extending love back, or, we can refuse healing and allow the “rejection infection” to set into our wound.

Here are three things to remember:

The Command

My job isn’t to fix my enemies. My job is to be obedient to God in how I deal with them. And He tells us in our key verse how He wants us to deal with those we would label our enemy.



“But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,” (Matthew 5:44).

The Caution

If there is abuse, we must get wise people to help us and learn to love from afar. How? By forgiving the person who hurt us — releasing their offense into the hands of God. By trusting God (and others in authority) to reveal to them their wrong and deal with their actions.

But we must also remember this: Forgiveness and restoration don’t always go hand-in-hand. You can forgive someone but not necessarily do everyday life with them. Ask God to give you discernment to know when and how to love from afar.

The Catalyst

So, back to Jennifer and the hurtful drawing. I wish I could relive that moment with the knowledge I have now. Jennifer drew that picture because of her own insecurities. And while it’s tough to have compassion for someone who’s hurting us in the moment of rejection, it is possible to have compassion for their obvious hurt. Hurt people hurt people.

Dig beneath the surface of a mean girl and you’ll find a girl riddled with insecurities and possibly even self-hatred.

Romans 12:20 says, “On the contrary: ‘If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.’” (NIV)

Jennifer was hungry and thirsty for affirmation. And the only way she could figure out how to get it was to make those around her laugh at me.

What might have happened if I were to have walked by her desk and given this desperate girl a drink from the living water? “Jennifer, you are beautiful. Do you know that?”

Not in a million years could I have done that in middle school. But I’m not in middle school any longer.

And now’s a good time to remember that.

Related posts:

3 Things to Remember When It’s Hard to Forgive
I wanted you to be one of the first to know
When Rejection Steals the Best of Who I Am