Polly Campbell's Blog, page 40

Observe the anger and then lean toward love

This post originally appeared November 2010, when I was exposed to some very raw, hostility directed straight at me. It startled me then. Left me uncertain and even frightened. Until I remembered who I was — again. Until I remembered how I choose to live in this world. Once I reconnected with that, I felt compassion and greater peace. Because, no matter how anyone else behaves, no matter how violating and heinous and painful, I get to decide how I will live. There are many times in life, when we must remember the choice we make. Reconnect with who we are. When we must stake it out, and consciously head that way no matter how hard it feels. In this post, I talk about one of those times. I’m thinking about it again this week and again, I will make the same choice. To come at it from kindness and compassion and love. It just makes me feel better, when not much else does right now.

 

A couple of weeks ago, I stood on the edge of someone else’s anger. Rage really. And for a second it threatened to pull me in, sucking me under until I matched the rage and responded with my own threats and lies and irrationality and immaturity and hurt.

Hostility can be like that. It can suck you in until your heart and guts and brains are churning and twisting on fire with anger that by that time seems totally appropriate and justified right then, but never, ever is.

And, while there might be a quickie adrenaline rush when you attempt to burn down the emotional houses of those around you, hostility will actually kill you. Long before your body dies, it destroys all but a tiny spark of who you really are. Instead, you become the anger itself.

Fortunately, I was able to counteract that anger around me, deflect it just in time. Right before I stepped in and lowered myself into hostility I stopped and sent love instead. It took a huge effort, and I mean HUGE because I wasn’t feeling very loving. I was feeling attacked, defensive, angry. I was feeling like I wanted to put my hands around his neck and shake. But, when I decided (and it was a decision) to consciously shift to a more positive emotion, compassion took over lightening fast. In other words, the strategies we talk about here, worked.

Don’t get me wrong. There was no blissful happiness. No angels singing in the background. Certainly no harp music. What there was, was a little more peace then there had been a moment earlier. And from that place I could observe and feel the anger I was experiencing without being sucked down by it.

I went from anger to compassion to sadness for the person who was so mad at me. After all, to live from a place of such hostility, one supported by irrational beliefs and a soul-level loneliness, must be tough. Rage hides that below mountains of pain and insecurity and hurt. Rage hides within the I’m-not-enough belief system. Truth is everyone at their core is worthy and lovable. If you can’t see it just now, it’s probably covered by your anger and hurt.

Pay attention to the anger you feel.  Observe it. And then go deeper into what lies below. Just identifying what’s behind this big emotion will help you manage the rage and enter into a world of self understanding and growth.

So which direction will you go: to the illuminated world of peace and happiness and kindness and love – even when you’re exposed to the darkness? Or will you live in the darkness? Whichever you choose, you’ll find more of the same.

Photo by: Stock.xchng

Use Compassion to Cope

It is sometimes, often really, hard to know what to say. Today is one of those times. I am grieving too. For personal losses and the losses of those I never knew. There is sadness in the air. It’s o.k.

I’m not going to tell you to put it in perspective, whatever it is for you. Because loss is both personal and universal. We all know it. We’ve all experienced grief – and we know we will again —  and yet each time we must also face it alone. And, it hurts like crazy.

Many of us are feeling grief over the unfathomable events at Sandy Hook. Others are also dealing with personal losses and struggles. It feels confusing. Hard. We try to make sense of things that are nonsensical. We experience things in our lives that feel unbearable for awhile, and then we bear them. Allow yourself room to feel all this, even when it’s hard.

Often, when it’s uncomfortable, we think we can’t survive so we move into and onto things that deflect the emotion. We begin blaming. We get angry. We judge others. We deny. We make the discussion political instead of personal. Because it feels better to argue and criticize than to feel the sadness that is certain to tear us apart.

But, it won’t. This sadness. If we use it to inspire love and compassion, it will be the thing that brings us together. We can’t undo. But you can decide how you are going to live with your sadness in this moment. And the next. You can make the moments of your own life matter, and when you do that you touch the rest of us. We don’t have to wait for bad things to happen to love better and when we do it moves us and our grief into a spot that feels a little bit lighter.

I talk about this in the note I posted on Facebook Friday:

 “Today, then, as we continue the discussion rightly about gun control and other legislation, please too, let’s commit to loving better. To being kinder to our kids, more accepting of our partners. Being peaceful in our homes and neighborhoods. To looking others in the eye and saying thank you and helping them know that they matter. Because they do. Even if they aren’t easy or pretty or smart or wealthy, they matter. Let us support financially and emotionally the people who need our support, our neighbors and the kid next door, and the overworked single mother, so that they never, ever feel like the only way out is of their own hurt is to hurt themselves or someone else. Let us care by providing mental health support to those who need it and better education to all. By cutting the crap on T.V. and filling the air with music and art to inspire us to be our best. Let us love the kids, who aren’t being loved, and there are plenty of those.

We can do this. We can love better, we can take care of each other, we can lead with compassion. Bad things are still going to happen, I know, I am not wholly naive, but I’ve seen the power of kindness. It is sustaining and love is life changing. This is something each of us can do right now. So when we respond today with sadness and anger and despair, let us remember to also love better than we ever have. Let us use all that we have personally, politically, spiritually, intellectually, physically to keep this from ever happening again.” <<<

Let us also, be inspired to do this before tragedy strikes. We can do it in the best of times to elevate this experience. Compassion is not conditional. We can use it all the time and it is not reliant on anyone else. It’s a choice to be loving and compassionate or not. Even when people are behaving badly, we can act with compassion. It matters not what the others in your life are doing.

We don’t have to wait until trauma like 9/11 or Hurricanes Katrina and Sandy or school shootings, to come together and care for each other. To nurture one another. To hold on to those who can’t do it for themselves. We can do this always. It is who we are. And, in doing that we can inspire positive change in the laws, and neighborhoods, and each other. Start small if you want — offer a pat on the back, a kind smile, tolerance for someone different — but make a connection today, with compassion.

It is the one thing we can do when we feel like there is nothing else.

 

 

Five ways to power up persistence

Ready to make positive changes in the New Year? Here are some tips to help you stay on target.  This post originally appeared in 2011.

Perseverance. Determination. Persistence.

Any quality that keeps you going despite adversity and challenge is the difference between success and mediocrity. It’s also crucial when it comes to living our biggest lives and achieving our greatest goals. Here are five ways to persist and keep moving toward your goals.

Assess the goal. Make sure what you say you want is, truly what you want. Often our efforts flag when we are doing what we ought to do instead of what is meaningful to us. If you’re passionate about what you’re working on and moving toward, persistence isn’t all that hard to come by. Evaluate the goal, adapt, alter, change if need be and then keep going.


Align goal with your values. Make sure your working toward something that is consistent with what matters most to you. For example, the high value I put on freedom and independence made it easier to keep going as a freelancer even during the tough times because what I was spending my energy on was congruent with one of the things I valued most.


Take inspired action — everyday. It’s easy to feel discouraged when we’re not seeing any progress, yet, en route to any goals there are many times when it’s hard to sense movement. Each day, make sure you are taking at least one, conscious inspired action – something that moves you in a direct line toward your dream. Then, even on the slow days you’ll know you’re still moving toward.


Adopt a flex-thinking approach. The path toward our most important goals and even the goals themselves, often change and shift over time, must as our lives do. For example, my focus shifted from my work goals to more health-centric ones after my cancer scare. Allow room for that. Reevaluate your goals and the steps you’re taking toward them to make sure they are relevant and resonant in your life today. Be flexible in the different ways you can pursue a goal. There is rarely one right way to do anything, but if you’re willing to consider many alternatives and ideas you may even get to where you want to go faster.


Buy into the process. It isn’t all about outcome here. Detach from the end goal and get into the process of moving toward it. The steps leading toward our ultimate objective are often critical. They show us what we need to know so that we can continue our success when we reach the outcome.

This is where learning and growth occurs. So, as you’re persisting, pay attention. The steps along the way to our goal are often more important than the end result.

Photo by: Stock.xchng

How to make resolutions you can keep

Tired of feeling like a failure every time you set (and break) your New Year’s resolution? Statistics tell us that most of people give up on their resolutions within a couple of months.

But, you can stop ripping yourself over failed resolutions, and make positive lasting changes in 2013 by thinking of your resolutions a bit differently.

Start by shifting your focus to what is already working in your life. When you stop worrying about past failures, or ruminating on your flaws and all that you have to fix, you’ll have more energy and motivation to put into your passions, skills and talents – the things that will help you create the positive changes in your life. So, take a minute to notice what you have already achieved and the good things you’ve got going on, then check out what’s motivating you to make more changes.

Are there things you want to learn or change or improve for you or are you feeling pressured by someone else to make a shift? If you want to lose weight to impress your partner that is a harder to goal to sustain than one that is motivated by your own inner desire to be healthier or feel better.

Don’t do it for someone else, find something that’s important to you personally, and go for it.

When you are clear about your focus and motivation, then you can pick a broader theme to guide your life in 2013, rather than a single objective.

So many of our resolutions focus on a specific achievement – to stop smoking, or lose weight – when what we really want is the feeling that accomplishing those goals will provide.

When you find ways to experience those positive emotions NOW, you’re more likely to create positive changes that will sustain them all year round.

Think about it this way: Instead of picking a goal to make $100,000 in 2013, go with a broader theme to create greater wealth or abundance in your life, and begin brainstorming all the ways you can do that.

If you want to lose weight, then, put your focus on all the things you can do to nourish and strengthen your body – rather than how many pounds you need to lose. Then do things – big or small – every day that nourish your body.

Celebrate the healthy steps you take, each day. Feel the good feelings that come when you know you are taking care of your body. This way you create beliefs that lead to healthy habits and the weight is likely to come off too. Plus, you’ll feel better in the process.

Here are other tips for making lasting improvements in the year ahead:

1.     Be persistent – do something to create the feeling of success around your goal every day. This is about creating a lifestyle, a process to help you make the change you desire, so each day, do something with that in mind. Then, when you do make the money, or lose the weight you are more apt to keep the weight off and hold onto your income because you’ve established a sustainable practice rather than simply focused on a single outcome.

2.     Be creative and have fun. There are lots of ways to create a healthy body, or more money, or a happier life. Get creative, be open to new ideas and approaches for whatever it is you want to create and the process will be filled with possibility rather than problems.

3.     Be imperfect. There will be moments, when you screw it up completely. When you revert to your old ways, to your bad habits. Pay attention to those moments, they provide important information that can ultimately help us succeed. For example, if you choose the cake rather than the carrot sticks, notice why. Perhaps, you are celebrating a birthday and the cake was a conscious choice. Or maybe you wolfed down a piece without hardly tasting it and you realize it was an emotional response to a bad day at the office. Those things can be revealing. The emotional eating provides information that can inspire you to deal with the source of the struggle, instead of continuing down the path of stress and bad eating. Whatever shows up is here to serve you.

This, more benevolent approach to resolutions, is about creating a lifestyle that you desire rather than achieving a single goal. Though you will achieve many goals in the process, you will also build daily routines that you can keep up and a life that you want to live.

 

Image by: Stock.xchng

 

Grace makes you feel good and buffers against holiday stress

This time of year we tend feel more stressed than festive. We run around in the I’ve-got-to-get-it-all-done mode and hardly even notice what it is we are doing. That is a sure way to leech happiness from the season – or any day. Sure, we all have a lot to, but instead of focusing on all that you have to get done, be mindful of all that you are doing. Pause, breathe, nourish yourself and you’ll find the smaller moments take on greater meaning and joy. And, by the way, you’ll still get it all done. You’ll just feel better doing it.

Here are some strategies I use to keep up and still have fun.

Start the day with an intention. Set the tone for the day by declaring how it is that you would like things to go. When I intend, I focus more on the feeling I want to create in my experience rather than specific things I want to occur. Each morning I sit on the edge of my bed and start with “Today, I intend that…” Then, simply fill in the blank.

I intend that I will act lovingly toward others and notice the love in my life.

I intend that I will laugh often.

I intend that I will feel good and relaxed.

I intend that I will go with the flow.

Whatever feeling, attitude, movement you want to create in your life, it starts with an intention. When you set your intention, you set the course for good things to flow into your day.

Get quiet. Yeah. Right. This time of year? Good luck. But, I am Not Kidding. Make quiet time a priority each day. It is a quick stress relief, a mood booster, and, because of the peace of mind silence provides, you’ll actually be a bit more productive when you come back to the noise of life. So, turn off that blasting Christmas music next time you’re in the car and drive in silence. Eat lunch without reading, or listening to music, or doing anything other than eating. Go for a walk without the iPod. Shower and notice the sound of the water drops. In my family it also helps to threaten certain people with severe consequences if they interrupt my shower by shouting through the bathroom door.

Get the giggles. Laugh at the absurd drama and the mistakes you make and the funny Christmas sweaters. Laugh at the upbeat cartoons and stupid jokes, and the Santaland Diaries. Find ways to laugh, even when the chaos is at an all-time high, a good laugh will make everything easier to deal with.

Get up and get going. Exercise helps you sustain your energy levels and fills your body with the feel-good chemicals that diffuse the stress. Go for a walk, rapidly clean the house, hit the gym. Whatever you do, get up and move it a bit everyday.

Find grace. I read a story about the Lego company providing a brick set to a boy who had been saving his money for years to buy it — and I felt better. I saw and elderly couple painstakingly putting up thousands of holiday lights around their house and their yard, for the neighborhood to enjoy. And, I felt good. Notice the marvelous in your life. Look for the things that were salvaged by grace and compassion and love and allow yourself to feel the grace. We are all uplifted when we notice good things, awesome things, marvelous things. We are inspired by goodness. Notice the goodness – even if the crap is happening all around – see the good and pass it on. You’ll feel better. Promise.

Make room for the good to appear in your life, and it will show up for you, even amid the hustle and bustle of our busy lives. It’s there, if only we notice.

Non-traditional ways to cope with holiday stress

This time of year one of our favorite topics of discussion isn’t of love or gratitude, compassion or meaning – it’s about the madness – the stress surrounding the season.

We talk about how busy we are how much we have to do and how can we never get it all done. And, our lives set up just like that. Busy, hectic, overwhelming and exhausting. By the time the holidays hit we’re sick, grouchy, tired and feeling more relieved to have them over with than eager to celebrate. Bummer. Let’s do it differently.

I get that difficult family dynamics are more pronounced this time of year; that loneliness and depression are a real condition for many. I get that many experience more financial stress and physical ailments during the season. Hey, my life can be complicated too, if I focus all the hard stuff. Thing is, I don’t. Well, at least not often.

We make our experience harder more stressful than it has to be by how we think and behave. This December we can try another way and perhaps even have a good time this holiday season.

Here are some non-traditional ways to deal with the traditional holiday stress – and yes, they have even worked for me:

Look for what you want. It is true that we get what we give attention to. Focus on the stress, you’re going to feel it. But, what if you watched for the good things that go on around you instead of the bad. They are there too. Last week a stranger gave my friend a free turkey at the grocery store, I think about that good thing just about every day, as reminder of what is out there. My daughter’s desire to read Christmas books together every evening, has slowed us down and added fun to our family. Good things. A repair I had to make didn’t cost as much as expected. There’s another good thing. These things are out there, happening every day. Put a little energy into noticing the good stuff and you’ll see more of it come into your life.

Send silent blessings and compassion to the jerks in your life. Difficult people are going to show up in life and it seems like they appear more often in grocery checkout lines and on freeway ramps this time of year. But, live with greater compassion and two things happen: 1. You don’t become one of those jerks. 2. You feel happier even when they show up.

Next time someone speaks to you rudely, or cuts you off on the freeway, smile (if you can, even through gritted teeth – studies show our body chemistry changes for the good even when we fake a smile) and send a silent blessing. Usually, the people who are hardest to deal with need our compassion the most. And, when you can offer it even in a difficult time, you elevate your own experience and you’ll feel better too.

Tip: When you are frustrated with another or angry at a crazy relative think about the kind of person you want to be rather than the people they are. We tend to focus on the bad behavior of others. I’m suggesting you handle your own business first.

So, if your dad seems disrespectful and belligerent, or your crazy aunt drinks too much, instead of getting wrapped up in all their bad behavior, get wrapped up in all your good behavior. You can be kind, joyful, serene, even amid the difficulty. You can even be compassionate, calm and loving as you escort them to the door. How others behave technically has no bearing on how you act. Choose behavior then, that reflects your highest self, rather than their bad behavior.

Let loose of the things that no longer matter. It’s easy to get caught up in the expectations of others; to hold on to meaningless traditions because you think that they are important to somebody else, but this holiday season, get over it. Start by making a list of the traditions that no longer inspire you, talk to your family members and take their perspectives into account, then, either decide to let go of these traditions or adapt them in a way that will be more fun and meaningful.

One mother I know loathed the time, energy and clean-up it took to traipse to a tree farm, pick out the tree and haul the bugger back. She did it only because she thought her kids wanted to. But, when she talked it over with her family she discovered the kids’ favorite part of the tradition is the decorating. They didn’t love going to the farm either. So, now the family puts up a plastic tree, and they decorate it together. Everybody is happy and the mother is a whole lot less stressed.

It’s O.K. to let go of expectations and the traditions that are no longer working for you. When we release something that no longer fits, we leave room for other, more meaningful things to come in. That alone can help make the holidays special without the stress.

In Wednesday’s post, I’ll write about some quick and easy ways to practice self-care during these busy times.

 

 

Image by: Stock.xchng

How to be an effective complainer

I was interrupted four times during dinner last night. Four times. I was talking with my daughter about how to handle a difficult situation in the classroom and she interrupted to ask for an orange and mention her tights. My husband then threw out a comment about his Fantasy Football team and by then, I’d dropped my topic and went into full complaining mode. I’ll save you the rant and just give you some of the key words: Seriously people. I am talking. Nobody listens. Disrespectful. Rude.  Nobody ever…

Then, we all turned back to our shrimp pasta. I never raised my voice – no this episode had more of a whining, martyr feel to it.  I whimpered awhile. I chose to complain rather than truly describe why I was frustrated and what I was feeling.

This strategy is just so unproductive and, to use the technical term, icky. I even got sick of hearing myself and finally decided to interrupt myself to put an end to the behavior.

Caught up in complaint

When we complain – when we repeatedly express our unhappiness – we settle into the negative. We are no longer focused on solutions because we are too busy looking at what isn’t working. And, because we are not noticing our emotions or their source, we get caught in this place of rumination and upset. This is a constrictive, icky place to be. One that is sure to annoy everyone around and keep you focused on the failure rather than the possibility. There is no feel-better moment when you are in this cycle, the bad thoughts rip through like a circular saw cutting at your mood until ultimately, you just feel stuck and bummed.

In other words, me complaining about interrupting didn’t stop it from happening. It didn’t give the other people at the table anything to work with. They heard my complaint as whiny noise. But, there are some strategies we can use to effectively share our frustrations. When we do it the right way we become creators rather than complainers.

Here are a few things to try:

1. Share your frustration, one time. One thing I am very – and I mean VERY — good at,  is over talking things. I have a well-honed ability to go on. And on. And on, until people are packing their bags and moving out of the house with me trailing after them into the driveway. This keeps me stuck in the ick and causes other people to get so annoyed that they stop listening. I don’t recommend this strategy. Share your concern once. Let it go.

2. Explain what you don’t like and say what you need. Sure, it’s o.k. to let people know when you’re uncomfortable or offended. But also let them know what you need to move through it, then take responsibility for getting there. When you ruminate about the bad stuff your family and friends feel trapped because they don’t know how to help.

I’ve seen this happen in my own experience as a person living with rheumatoid arthritis. If I complain about my pain and also have a clear way through it, it’s a more positive experience. For example I might say “My ankle is really hurting and I know I would feel better if I just sat down and took a rest.”

I feel better because I’m sharing my feelings and my husband feels better because he has a clear way to help — take over so I can rest — if he so decides.

Instead of getting stuck in the complaint, we immediately began moving toward a solution.

Do this for yourself. When you catch yourself complaining, notice what you’re complaining about, then also determine what you need to feel better and go after it.

3. Take 10 and grouse. Sometimes you’re in a funk and you need to fuss and whine about all your trouble. This is when I call a girlfriend or write in my journal, or take a time-out and complain. Give yourself a set amount of time – say 10 minutes, certainly no more than 20 – to wallow, whine and fuss over your frustration. Make an agreement with yourself that when your time to complain is up, you’ll pause for two minutes to do a quick gratitude exercise. This way you don’t stay stuck in the negative energy.

Discontent can be a part of life, but getting trapped by your own complaint cycle is limiting and completely unnecessary. Choose to do it differently and you’ll see fairly quickly that you’ve become a creator rather than a complainer. In Wednesday’s post, I’ll show you the difference.

 

Living with what is, easier than it seems

During the book tour visit to the East West Bookshop in Seattle, (a fantastic place, where you just feel more peaceful by walking in the door), a gentleman from the audience asked this question:

Can you be accepting of what is and still take action in life?

In other words, isn’t every action a result of some judgment, some assessment? We notice something that we don’t like and we take action to end it. We notice something we do like and do more of it. But in every case the movement is prompted by some judgment, evaluation, or assessment. If we are constantly evaluating things then, can we ever really be living with acceptance which calls for a non-judgmental approach to life.

Good Question.

The other members of the group and I discussed this and debated this. It was an engaging, inspiring conversation.

I don’t have all the answers to these things, but here is what I do know: so much of the stress we experience in life is a result of the stories we create around the moments of our lives. For example, we get laid off at work and we create a story that we are unemployable, or not smart enough, or will never work again.

We notice our spouse hasn’t folded the laundry and we create a story that he doesn’t respect us, or never helps, or isn’t a good partner.

We step on the scale and see that we weigh 200 pounds and ratchet up the drama with a story that we are unworthy, undisciplined, unattractive, unlovable.

Shoot, people, none of those things are true. You simply lost your job, have unfolded laundry, or weigh 200 pounds. Nothing more. When we can disconnect from the stories in our lives to see what is without judgment, we are able to accept what is. We can look at the moments of our lives as situations without labeling them as bad or good, right or wrong. This diffuses the stress.

But then, if we do accept those things like violence in the world, and poverty and hunger are we stuck with it? If we don’t judge them as bad, are we ever going to be able to change them? How can we watch bad things happen, without stepping in, and if we do step in aren’t you judging the situation as bad to begin with?

I’m still exploring these questions. I do know that when we accept things we are able to get a clear-eyed, almost serene view of circumstances without one loaded with an emotional charge. When we see what is, we become clear on what we can do next and that may involve action or change or movement. Acceptance for me isn’t about giving up. It isn’t resignation. It’s seeing the truth in a new way. You can accept that there are still people who mistreat others. You can see clearly where and how that occurs and once you do that you are in a better position to respond in a more effective way.

This requires some discernment, as a woman at the reading mentioned. We can be more selective in how we engage in the world. Not everything requires our judgment or our intellectual participation. It is not necessary for us to have an opinion on everything.

Us hating violence, isn’t enough to end it. But, when we accept that there is violence and get a clear look at the conditions that lead to violence, we have a better idea of what we can do about it.

I know too, that when I’m living with greater acceptance, I also tend to me more loving and compassionate and I am also attracting more of those things into my life and I’m still getting plenty done. Acceptance does not render me stagnant or stuck. Instead, I expand into greater possibilities.

Connected by compassion and curiosity

Notes from the Book Tour:

It’s been a fast-paced few weeks since the launch of Imperfect Spirituality: Extraordinary Enlightenment for Ordinary People  Nov. 1  in Portland. I’ve been to San Francisco and throughout Marin County, Seattle, Vancouver B.C. and Los Angeles with more stops on the schedule.

I’ve met scores of people during workshops and readings. And, after all these months sitting in a quiet room to work on the book, it was a good feeling to be able to visit with people face-to-face about this idea and practice of Imperfect Spirituality, which is really a practical way of accessing your spirit in any moment.

The tour has also served as  a master class for me. I’ve learned so much from the questions the people asked. Their comments and insights. I learned a lot about myself too. I was reminded about how resourceful and creative we become when we operate from spirit – I navigated the highways throughout Marin and San Francisco Counties without even freakin’, I did however draw on the practices I talk about to stay calm and present.

Here are a few of the things I was reminded of this last week:

I could never be a rockstar. This kind of travelling is tough and I’m not sure I’d want to go on the road for months at a time; though it is kind of funny to sling that phrase “go on the road” around.

 

People are wise and kind. We are connected, not only by our imperfections, but also our compassion, and our desire to do good in the world, to uplift others and feel happier. To learn and grow and connect.

 

Many folks are now realizing that the solution to any problem is within. They are learning about themselves and pulling their mind-bodies-spirits into alignment to fully experience their lives instead of looking outside of themselves and waiting for someone else to do it.

 

There is a shift in how we think about spirituality. It is no longer considered whoo-whoo or “out there” it is accessible and practical and folks are looking for ways to use these practices in daily life to reduce stress and just feel better.

 

We feel better when we are growing, expansive, engaged.

And another thing I was reminded of was how energizing it is to be connected to you passion and working from purpose. I drove hundreds of miles, was up early, often by 4 or 5 a.m. in order to make the commute, and usually worked into the night, and yet, when I had a chance to walk into a bookstore and  talk to others about this stuff, I felt excited and energized and ready to go.

When we are doing what matters to us, what we feel contributes positively to the planet, we become aligned with our spirit and that is an expansive and energizing place to be. Today then, play in your passion, at least a little bit, or commit to exploring just what you might be passionate about. It will not only shift the energy for you and help you feel better in the day, but the momentum will catch up the rest of us.

During a terrific service at the Unity Church of San Francisco with Rev. Maggie Shannon Oman, we talked about how easily we get caught up in the routine of our lives. We brush our teeth and make the breakfast and pack the lunch and commute to work and finish the deadline and rush to the kids’ swim meet, head home to come up with dinner, do the chores and head to bed. Every day. When we spend all of our time doing the things we think we should do or ought to do, we push out the things we are passionate about. Make it your mission this week to save a little time each day to do something that makes your heart sing.

I think you’ll find, like I did, that not only will you feel excited and happier in your life, you will also be more productive and energized when you take on the other tasks in your day.

Emmons talks about wonder and gratitude

One of the things that makes a practice of gratitude so powerful is that it requires us to stop and draw on other positive feelings before we become conscious to what we are truly grateful for.

In other words, to be grateful for the beautiful landscape, you’ve got to pause long enough to notice it in the first place. To be grateful for the actions of another, you’ve got to take in the gift they offered up and experience it. Gratitude us requires to pause, feel, notice and appreciate. When we do all those things, our practice becomes sustainable and we feel better.

One way to invoke those big feelings is to look for the awesome in every moment. To live with wonder and awe. Robert Emmons, one of the foremost experts on gratitude talks about that in this short video.

Challenge yourself to find the awesome in your life and make Thanks Giving an active, every day practice.