Polly Campbell's Blog, page 43

Plan a little spontaneity

I’m not very good at being spontaneous. Even as a child I laid out my school clothes the night before. These days, I’ve got my calendar filled with must-do dates months in advance.

But, last night, when I was trying to connect with a friend I felt hemmed in by my very own calendar and I realized that while usually there is a balance between scheduled and unscheduled time – this summer hasn’t been like that.

I’ve filled the dates that I’m free from work to fit in all the other things I want to do. Visits with friends that I rarely see during the school year. Outings with my daughter. Camping trips. Family BBQs and other super fun stuff. It’s all good, but it’s also dimming the spark in life that comes when you wake up and just decide to do whatever you feel like.

Life is feeling a little predictable. To some degree, that’s o.k. But growth is a product of creativity, novelty, curiosity and those things are stifled a bit when every move is planned.

So, I’m planning to be spontaneous.  Yep. Though I know I have a doc appointment on Wednesday, I also know that Tuesday is a day with my daughter. Instead of calling friends or making reservations I’m sitting on that open date. We’ll decide what to do after we wake up and eat the Rice Krispies and see how the mood strikes.

Spontaneity for me, isn’t all that comfortable or natural, but knowing I have nothing to figure out on Tuesday, actually feels freeing. Refreshing even. And those good feelings will create more fun.

In Wednesday’s post I’ll tell you some ways you can add a little spontaneity and fun back into your life without burning the schedule.

** Want to do something unplanned and spontaneous? Please, click on this link or the icon above and Buy. My. Book. You can now pre-order Imperfect Spirituality and learn how to cultivate courage and acceptance. Learn how to let go of those self-sabotoging beliefs and become more of the goodness that you already are. We need your gifts and this book will show you how to unleash them.

 

Photo by: Stock.xchng

 

Recharging and revving up

Exciting things are happening here on Imperfect Spirituality in the weeks to come. We’ll finally have the release of my book Imperfect Spirituality: Extraordinary Enlightenment for Ordinary People on Nov. 1 and I’ll be headed to bookstores in Portland, Seattle, San Francisco, Vancouver BC, Los Angeles – and beyond –  to meet and greet and hang out. I hope you’ll come hang out with me.

I’ve also got plenty more ideas that I want to explore and practice and learn about right here in these pages and posts, and I’m going to do that, starting in two weeks. I promise. I’m taking a little break to get my first grader new school shoes and my diabetic cat to the vet and then for a few days, I’ll find a quiet corner of the universe to recharge a bit. Then, I’ll be back.

In the meantime, if you’re looking for something to do until we light up these pages again on Sept. 10 you could, er, well, buy The Book and schedule your babysitter or otherwise make plans now to meet up with me at one of the readings or workshops listed below; or read some of the Imperfect Spirituality greatest hits linked at the bottom of this page.

I look forward to connecting in these pages and finally in person, (yippee) in the months to come.

Readings, Signings, Workshops

Nov. 1 – 7 p.m.

Annie Bloom’s Books, Portland, OR

Nov. 2 — 11 a.m.

Towne Center Books, Pleasanton, CA

Nov. 2 – 7:30 p.m.

East-West Bookshop, Mountain View, CA

Nov. 3 – 3 p.m.

Workshop: Live With Peace & Joy – In the Middle of Your Busy Life

East-West Bookshop, Mountain View, CA

Nov. 4 – TBA

Books Inc.,  San Francisco, CA

Nov. 4 –  9:30 a.m.

Unity Spiritual Center of San Francisco

Nov. 4 – 2 p.m.

Workshop: The Spiritual Blog

Book Passage Marin, Corte Madera, CA

Nov. 8  — TBA

East-West Bookshop, Seattle, WA

Nov. 9 – 6:30 p.m.

Third Place Books, Lake Forest Park, WA

Nov. 10 – 2 p.m.

Chapters Indigo, Vancouver, BC

Nov. 10 –  6 p.m.

Workshop: Live With Peace & Joy – In the Middle of Your Busy Life

Banyan Books and Sound, Vancouver, BC

Nov. 12 — 7 p.m.

Powell’s Books on Hawthorne, Portland OR

Nov. 14 – 7 a.m.

Inside Edge, Irvine, CA

Nov. 14 – 7 p.m.

Workshop: Live With Peace & Joy – In the Middle of Your Busy Life

Awakenings, Laguna Hills, CA

Dec. 12 — 6:30 p.m.

Workshop: Live With Peace & Joy Smack Dab in the Middle of Your Busy Life

The New Renaissance Bookshop, Portland, OR

Radio

Oct. 24 – 5 p.m. pacific

Coach Café, Blog Talk Radio, http://www.blogtalkradio.com/coachcafe

Nov. 17 – 3 p.m. pacific

Woman Talk Live with Ann Quasman,  680 AM WBCM  Baltimore

Here are some links to the most popular posts – or at least most clicked on – by readers. Let me know what you think and tune in for more original posts on Imperfect Spirituality Sept. 10.

Be Brave: 3 Ways to Practice Courage

Am I doing this right? Am I meditating?

The Key To Success: Paying Attention

Balance of Yin/Yang in diet can help curb cravings

How to Shape Your Intentions and Your Life

Three Spiritual Practices You Can Do With Your Kids

 

Gratitude ignites inspiration

Today ’ s post concludes our two-week Q&A with Susyn Reeve, co-author of The Inspired Life. Each post has detailed another aspect of inspiration and offered try-it-yourself exercises to help you tap into your own source to live a more inspired life. Here are some final thoughts from Susyn on the topic.

IS:. What is one thing we can do today to begin living an inspired life?

SR: Commit to a 30 day practice of living life as a thank you.  Each day write down 5 things you are grateful for.  Have 1 item on your list be something you have never before expressed gratitude for (your toenails, spoons, your eyelashes) to ignite your imagination and playfulness; have 1 item on your list be something you are grateful for about yourself (your hair, your fingernails, your commitment to doing this list!) to allow you to honor and celebrate yourself.

IS: How does inspiration show up in your life? 

SR: My life is a daily inspiration.  I have cultivated and mastered being a great lemonade maker.  I have the capacity to easily see all the circumstances in my life through the lens of Love – either an expression of love or a call for love.  Inspiration shows up in my life as the relationships I have with my family and friends; the opportunity to work deeply with clients to wake up to the magnificence of who they are and to use the challenges and hardships they have experienced as the entryway to deepening their capacity for compassion for themselves and others; and to play and have fun (I am writing my responses to these questions, amidst a pj party I have had for 32 years with 3 girlfriends!  And of course right now inspiration is showing up as the opportunity to share my thoughts with you and your readers on this Blog!  So thank you very much Polly, for this opportunity to share the power, possibility and joy of living an inspired life.

This week, take on the challenge to live an inspired life. Begin with the gratitude exercise Reeve details above and notice how how this simple expression of thankfulness draws inspiration and joy. It ’ s a sure way to power up your life.

 

Susyn Reeve, M.Ed., is as a transformational coach, corporate consultant with fortune 100 companies, and interfaith minister.  She is the award winning author of Choose Peace and Happiness.  Her newest book, The Inspired Life:  Unleashing Your Mind’s Capacity for Joy is your personal invitation to living a life a passion and purpose.  She is the co-founder of www.Self-Esteem-Experts.com where you can get an excerpt from The Inspired Life.

 

 

Barriers to living an inspired life and how to overcome them

Author Susyn Reeve continues our Q&A discussion of inspiration and how we can cultivate it and express it in our lives. She is the author of The Inspired Life. In Wednesday ’ s post she defined inspiration and talked about how it shows up. Today, she identifies some of the barriers that keep us from living with inspiration and provides insights and exercises that will help us overcome those barriers.

IS: What is one of the biggest barriers to living an inspired life?

SR: The biggest barrier to living an inspired life is your beliefs about yourself, others and life.  Your personal version of I’m not enough is the biggest obstacle to living a life of passion and joy (I’m not worthy enough, lovable enough, pretty enough, smart enough, young enough, rich enough, and the list goes on and on).  These beliefs are experienced as fear, worry, regret, resentment, uncertainty, avoidance, addictions, hopelessness and a feeling of victimization.

IS: Any thoughts on how we can change it?

SR:To transform this barrier you begin by making a commitment to living an inspired life – even if you are not clear what your specific inspired life vision is.  With this commitment you can be sure that the thoughts that sabotage your vision with arise. At this point you use your feelings as your personal GPS.  As soon as you notice that you are feeling, afraid, unworthy, angry, hopeless, etc. you can. use this simple exercise to awake to your programming:

Try-it-yourself tip: When I am feeling ___write down your feeling(s)___, I am believing ___write down your thoughts___. 

Then look at your thoughts, free of judgment with a sense of curiosity, and ask yourself if each thought supports or sabotages your inspired life vision. 

If it is an obstacle to your vision, then use the full resources of your imagination to create new thoughts (which you probably will not initially believe) that support your inspired life.

Whenever you notice the self-sabotaging programming, acknowledge yourself for noticing and focus your attention on your new thought(s).

IS: In your book, The Inspired Life, you write that contribution and service are aspects of cultivating inspiration. How does this work?

Living an inspired life is based on a deep appreciation that each of us has a contribution to make to cultivating a more peaceful and loving world.  We are One we are an inter-connected Universe understanding that our personal joy and happiness has a direct impact on the whole.  With this understanding we generously share our gifts, talents, skills and abilities in service of the whole.  Another aspect of service, is that when we reach out to help others and acknowledge that we are making a contribution we nourish good feelings about ourselves.  There is a wonderful quote that I’ve included in The Inspired Life by Damien Hess, “Service… Giving what you don’t have to give.  Giving when you don’t need to give.  Giving because you want to give.”

Try-it-yourself tip: Today, perform a random act of kindness. Let someone cut in front, sweep your neighbor ’ s porch, drop a meal off for a friend. Do something for someone else and then notice the good feelings that both you and the recipient of your services experience.

IS: You also write about the importance of making and keeping commitments to yourself and your dreams. Why is this necessary first step toward and inspired life?

SR: W.H. Murray describes the power of commitment, “Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness.  Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans:  that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too.  A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unseen incidents, meetings, and material assistance, which no man could have dreamt would have come his way.  I have learned a deep respect for one of Goethe’s couplets:  Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it.  Boldness has genius, power and magic in it!”

 

                                                                                                                                                                                         

Susyn Reeve, M.Ed., is as a transformational coach, corporate consultant with fortune 100 companies, and interfaith minister.  She is the award winning author of Choose Peace and Happiness.  Her newest book, The Inspired Life:  Unleashing Your Mind’s Capacity for Joy is your personal invitation to living a life a passion and purpose.  She is the co-founder of www.Self-Esteem-Experts.com where you can get an excerpt from The Inspired Life.

 

 

How inspiration awakens your unique gifts

When Viva Editions, (the publisher who is also publishing my book Imperfect Spirituality) sent me The Inspired Life: Unleashing Your Mind’s Capacity for Joy, I was psyched.

Course, I get excited when I get anything in the mail, but when it’s a free book – yahoo! Toss in one like this work by Susyn Reeve and Joan Breiner and the world brightens just by reading the title.

You know I love to read and write and talk about inspiration. It’s the source of goodness and love, and magic in life. The thing that allows us to see beauty and operate from spirit. It is also wholly practical. Inspiration isn’t something out there, it’s within us and the authors give us practical ways to help us tap into our own inspiration, to learn how to access the joy it brings, and live a bolder life of compassion and service.

Author Susyn Reeve talks about just how all that comes together in three special Q&A posts running  here – one today, two next week. Each post will include try-it-yourself tips that will help you awake to your unique gifts to live the inspired life.

Here’s the first installment:

IS: When did you begin thinking about inspiration and how to use it to create more joy in life? How did the book evolve from that? 

 SR: Between the ages of 22 to 25 both my oldest sister and my Dad passed on.  My sister within two weeks of being hospitalized for what was initially diagnosed as pneumonia and my Dad within six weeks of being diagnosed with cancer.  Both of these experiences made it very apparent to me that life can change within the snap of a finger and it was clearly time for me to put to rest my personal I’m not enough beliefs about myself and consciously live my life grounded in passion and purpose – to live my inspired life vision.  This decision illuminated my path to focus on upgrading the software of my mind and cultivate and nourish vibrant healthy self-esteem.  This has been a long journey grounded in my belief that our relationship with ourselves is the blueprint for all the relationships in our lives.  If I desire greater joy and happiness in my life then I must begin with my relationship with myself.  I have studied and apprenticed with many great teachers – Joseph Campbell, don Miguel Ruiz, Jean Houston and Robert Fritz to name a few – and have had the honor of working with tens of thousands of clients and I have learned that when we cultivate vibrant self-esteem in our thoughts, words and actions we are ready to live an inspired life.

IS: How do you define inspiration? 

SR: Inspiration – or in-spirited – is to be awake to our unique gifts, talents, skills and abilities – and to understand that we are part of a larger evolutionary process that calls to us from deep within to be mighty expressions of love in the world.  To be in-spirited is to acknowledge and accept our full co-creative partnership with the Greater Field of Life – listening deeply to and being guided by the still small voice within.  A starting place to awaken to your inspired life visions is to respond to the question:  Who would I be and what would I be doing if I was not afraid and knew I could not fail?

  Try-it-Yourself Tip – Ask yourself this question: Who would I be and what would I be doing if I was not afraid and knew I could not fail? Contemplate the answer for five minutes and begin journaling about it.

  IS: How can we use inspiration to live more joyous lives?

SR: When you allow yourself the freedom to awaken to your passion and purpose you have consciously stepped on the path to living a more joyous life.  Your inspired life vision is your North Star and provides you with direction…although the path may not always be a straight line.  What most often occurs when you have a clear vision is that everything you believe about yourself, others and life that is at odds with your vision surfaces in your conscious awareness.  It is crucial to remember that these challenges to your vision have surfaced for you to become aware of the programming that has been running you that is at odds with your inspired life vision.  With this awareness you have the freedom to focus on the thoughts that generate greater joy in your life.

Try-it-yourself-tip: Write down three things you love to do – your passions – those things that cause you to lose track of time when you ’ re immersed in them. Now, schedule time each day this week o do one of them.

IS: Is inspiration something that has to be cultivated and created or does it just suddenly show up in our lives?

SR: As with any muscle inspiration does have to be cultivated and nourished.  You may feel a burst of inspiration that captures your attention – for me, since I was a young child I knew I wanted to be a teacher.  Now, in retrospect, as I look back on six decades it is clear that based on my personal journey that being happy, giving and receiving love were my biggest personal challenges.  I have spent decades upgrading the software of my mind so I can now say unabashedly, I Am a Mighty Expression of Love in the World!

Susyn Reeve, M.Ed., as a teenager, wrote in her journal, “What would the world be life if everyone loved themselves?”  This question has guided her fierce commitment to partnering with clients to expand their capacity to be, give and receive love, by removing their inner obstacles to love and living their inspired life of passion and purpose.  She has done this in many roles over her 35 years of experience as a Transformational Coach, Corporate Consultant with Fortune 100 companies, and InterFaith Minister.  She is the award winning author of Choose Peace and Happiness.  Her newest book, The Inspired Life:  Unleashing Your Mind’s Capacity for Joy is your personal invitation to living a life a passion and purpose.  She is the co-founder of www.Self-Esteem-Experts.com where you can get an excerpt from The Inspired Life.

Cultivating inspiration in moments both big and small

Yesterday I had a heckuva time coming up with an idea for dinner. I’m in a menu rut: turkey tacos, shrimp pasta, grilled chicken salad, fish and brown rice – repeat. Throw in a little Asian takeout after a hard day and you’ve got my seven-day a week meal plan.

It’s ironic. I spend time writing about inspiration. I live an inspired life – it’s just not showing up in the over-cooked cod. And, I want inspiration back as a meal accompaniment.

Inspiration isn’t just the drive behind a master work or Great American Novel. It is also the drive in your day. It influences how you handle your child’s tantrum, or manage the finances. It causes you to find meaning in the delicate spider web – even if it’s strung along your window sill. Conversations with your husband can be inspired.  Folding the laundry can yield a seed of inspiration. It’s in there. Each of those mundane moments can be filled with zest and passion and inspiration. And, since I do the cooking around here, I needed to rediscover a little inspiration in the kitchen.

At least this is what I told myself when I looked at the jar of peanut butter, yet again, and wondered how much my daughter can eat before she takes on an oily sheen. Enough already.

Today, I decide, I’m making a conscious effort to approach meals with the same passion and zest I do the other moments of my life – by taking inspired action. By focusing on empowering thoughts, by centering myself in the reason I cook in the first place – to nourish myself and my family – and by being grateful that I have so much fresh food to prepare healthy meals, I decide that maybe I can find an inkling of inspiration in the kitchen.

Making room for inspiration

Whether it’s cooking or cleaning, working in an office, or raising kids there is plenty of room for inspiration. But you’ve got to go after it. It won’t strike you over the head, you must cultivate it. You can by choosing empowering beliefs and adopting a habit of awareness.

It’s worth doing. When you live an inspired life – made up of inspiring moments – you also find that your creativity blossoms, challenges feel a bit more like opportunities than stresses, you discover your passions and reconnect with purpose. Inspiration makes a little more room for joy and then lets it in. Life becomes more interesting and fun. In technical terms, life becomes Super Awesome.

I know, because soon after I started thinking about this stuff again, I came up with an awesome barbecued citrus shrimp meal that added a little zing to the weekly meal plan and even passed the most fickle of food critics, my 6-year-old.

When you are inspired you’re feeling alive. You’re having fun. Living close to spirit.

Susyn Reeve and Joan Breiner talk about this in their book The Inspired Life: Unleashing Your Mind’s Capacity for Joy.

An inspired life is not only a product of what we do, but how we think.

You must “identify your current dominant thoughts and makeup, then create new thoughts that support the inspired life you desire! This awareness combined with commitment to action and a consistent focus allows you to upgrade and install new patters of thinking,” write the authors.

Try this. Consider the big and little things you’re working on in your life — coming up with new dinner menus, finding an ending to your book, landing the client, getting the child to stay in bed after tuck-in-time. Then, become aware of your thoughts about those things.

When you veer toward negative thoughts, redirect them toward something more positive and possible, then act on those positive thoughts. This way you’ll actually begin to rewire your brain to accommodate inspiration.

“…The true source of empowerment resides in you experiencing your inspired thoughts alive in your body in the present moment,” write the authors.

When you can do this, inspiration shows up in citrus shrimp and everywhere else.

Want some more tips on how to live and inspired life? Check out this space Wednesday when author Susyn Reeve offers more insights on inspiration from her book The Inspired Life in a special Q&A post.

How to choose goals you can achieve

When I was growing up, all I wanted was to write for the state’s largest newspaper. I dreamed about it. And, after studying journalism in college, I did it. I accomplished that dream.

But, when I ultimately reached that goal any success I felt mingled with disappointment. It was like discovering the wizard behind the curtain was really a broken old man with no magical powers. Without even realizing it I’d chosen a goal that had been more about the outcome, than the process. More on the external reward of status, than contribution. While the outcome was satisfying – I loved working for the pub – it wasn’t long before I felt restless and ready to move on.

The best goals — the ones you can feel good about and achieve — says success expert psychologist Heidi Grant Halvorson, are those that satisfy three human needs. If they don’t, chances are you won’t find much happiness even if you accomplish them.

The three basic needs

Belonging-ness. The most satisfying pursuits fill our need to relate to other people. While I can spend long (and happy) hours alone, working and writing – ultimately, I do want others to read what I come up with. I want to hear from editors and readers. Talk with them about these ideas. Writing a book involves this kind of communication and a sense of contribution. That works for me.

Competence. Whichever goal you pursue, you must feel like you can do it. That you can be effective, or can learn what you need to know along the way to achieve the outcome you desire. For me, with my arthritic, unathletic body, picking a goal to climb a mountain then, would undermine my happiness – because it’s not something I’d be able to do anytime soon – if ever.

Autonomy or authenticity. To me, this is a biggie. Whatever dream you dream, it must be something that feels authentic. Something that reflects you and your values. Something consistent with the things you care about. If these things don’t line up, chances are you’ll have a hard time achieving your goal, and it’s unlikely you’ll find much joy in it even if you do.

Now that you’ve read this list of basic needs, stop and reflect on the goals that you’ve achieved and those that you are pursuing.

Do they make sense? Do they meet these three criteria (among others)? If not, look at what you’re doing and why and adapt the goals in a way that will lead to greater life satisfaction. It will only insure greater success and happiness along the way.

 

 

 

Pick the right goal to insure success

Ever felt like a fly in the window?

You keep flying against the pane, smacking your head into the glass simply trying to get out, break free, get unstuck?

One of the most frustrating and stressful things we can experience is our inability to achieve our goal. Yet often, we often set up ourselves up for failure by picking the wrong goal to begin with.

We get wound up in expectations of others and do what we ought to, instead of what we want to. You might go into the family business instead of pursuing art school. Perhaps you shrug off your business aspirations to be a parent full-time, because it’s what your mother did.

Other times we are wooed by the desires of ego and focus on external outcomes like money and titles and degrees instead of our intrinsic need to have meaning and purpose in life.

I’ve been thinking a lot about this ego-versus-meaning thing quite a bit lately, with the publication of my first book. Of course I want it to be a success; I want people to like it. But, my primary goal was to write a book that would inspire others to live better lives, it wasn’t to land it on the bestseller list.

I think I’ve written a good book. I think too, that it’s a helpful and fun read and so I’ve accomplished my primary goal. All that I’ve learned during the process of researching and writing this book made the process rewarding, insightful and meaningful in its own right. Now, of course I want it to land on the New York Times Bestseller List – and I’ll do what I can to make that happen. But, if it doesn’t, I won’t feel as though I’ve failed. Whatever happens next won’t negate the value of the experience I’ve already had – because I picked the right goal to begin with.

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 Shape your goal to meet basic needs

Shaping your goal in a way that meets your intrinsic and personal needs and values is a way to insure that you experience the same kind of satisfaction and success.

The most satisfying goals are those that we can actually make progress toward, says motivation and success bigwig Heidi Grant Halvorson. They are loaded with a sense of purpose. And they satisfy some basic human needs – which I’ll tell you more about Wednesday.

For today, though start thinking about the goals you’re pursuing. Are you making progress? Does the process still feel inspiring and satisfying – or at least meaningful? Is the goal still something you want? Does it look like what you expected? If you answered “No” to any of these questions it might be time to let go and redirect your efforts toward some new dreams. We’ll talk about how to do that on Wednesday.

 

Four Ways to Find Quiet Moments In Your Day

I’ve got plenty of anecdotal experience that demonstrates the value of quiet time. When a moment to myself – or a moment free from noise and chaos – I feel so much better. Balanced. Calm. Able to jump buildings in a single bound and all that stuff. After even a few moments of quiet, I am more energized, less prone to unexpected freak outs, and more likely to act in a loving manner to my family even when they are hyped up.

There is plenty of science now too, that shows the physical and mental health benefits of solitude. It’s energizing and restorative. It’s a stress reducer, good for the immune system. And it aids in healing. It’s a way to connect with God and your creativity. So, if you’re looking for well being, quiet is one source.

The biggest challenge though is how to find it. Here are some tips that can help you carve out a few moments of quiet in your day.

1. Make it a priority. Like brushing your teeth or taking a shower, 10 minutes of quiet time a day packs health benefits that will contribute to your peace and well being. This is not a luxury. It is part of taking care of your body and cultivating your spirit and it’s just as important as eating vegetables and working out.

2. Teach the people you live with about quiet time. We’ve coached our daughter that each day includes quiet time. This is special time you get to yourself. No television or computer or music. This is the time to read or play or create art — alone. It is possible to be with people in the same space and still have quality quiet time. One of my favorite things is when my husband, daughter and I are scattered around the house reading our own books – alone but together. By telling those you live with that this is important to you, and leading by example, they’ll begin to support it and enjoy it as well.

3. Use the spaces in between. I rarely have the radio on in the car when I’m driving alone. When I’m waiting for an appointment, I’m seldom texting or talking. And chore time at home, can be quiet time. I often work without music or television or noise. I don’t always get alone time, but the spaces in between the rest of my responsibilities allow time without noise.

4. Create at least one daily ritual that promotes quiet. Say a prayer. Meditate a few minutes each day. Go for a run without headphones. Take a long bath, or sneak in a shower before bed. I schedule quiet time. When I know I’ve got a particularly cluttered day ahead, I’ll get up 15 minutes early just to drink coffee in the quiet, still-sleeping house and center myself.

Creating pockets of solitude is a powerful way to refuel and energize our lives. Make it a priority. Build it in. You’ll feel better and more equipped to manage the challenges of your day.

 

Photo by: Stock.xchng

Original post appeared in September 2011.

The benefits of solitude

It will surprise many, who know me to find that I’d rather do the dishes in the kitchen than talk to a stranger at a party,  (shhh, don’t tell my husband). I like the quiet work of the chore. The alone time to regroup.

But put me at a party or in a group and I can be very polite. I will reach out to you. Engage in dialogue. Smile. I may even have fun. For this reason, many don’t see the threads of introversion that tether me. After all, I really do like people, it’s the social interactions that can be so darn exhausting. I prefer small gatherings, quiet dinners, sitting still alone reading a good book – for hours. I like texting. Days of unscheduled quiet time. I fantasize about living in a shack on a mountaintop – alone.

In this way I suspect I’m like my grandmother who said she was “antisocial, but not unfriendly.” She was happiest while sipping her coffee and reading her newspapers.

Course to find a  moment alone, I’ve got to schedule it. Sometimes days in advance. Sometimes, the only quiet time I get is in the shower — and I’ll take it. I need a bit each day to feel centered. It’s hard to find with a six-year-old (who right now is dancing to the Macarena behind me), and a job, and a husband who actually wants to hear my voice occasionally (keyword: occasionally).

I have friends who I adore and am finding, despite my best efforts, that those friendships cannot be maintained solely through text messages. But, as long as my world is busy and loud and engaging and yes, super fun and fulfilling, I will schedule some time for quiet.

Sometimes that means missing out on something else I love, but solitude is a gift to spirit and to self and I’m always better for it. And, to you extroverts out there, don’t panic now, but I think you would benefit from some quiet too. It’s good for everyone.

The Benefits of Solitude

It’s only in the quiet that you can actually get to know your thoughts. Solitude is the root of innovation and creativity. It is restorative. Quiet time eases stress, lowers inflammation, and promotes well-being.

“Solitude is a catalyst for expert performance,” writes Susan Cain, author of Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking.

When you’re alone you are more likely to make progress on a goal or resolve the challenges you’re facing. You are more likely to tap into your insights, to identify your emotions and where they are coming from so they become a source of knowledge and strength rather than an impetus for wild behavior or rising anxiety. From quiet moments with self you tap into your greatest strengths, identify your capabilities, and use them for good. You gain perspective and access to your greatest resource – yourself.

So, today, take a breath, and find a moment of quiet. It won’t necessarily come to you, you must make time for it, and in Wednesday post, I’ll tell you how. Even the extroverts among us will find it helpful — seriously. Think of it like, say, uh, taking a bathroom break at a party. No matter where you are or what your day holds after a few minutes of quiet you’ll be refreshed and ready to get back to it.