Polly Campbell's Blog, page 18

Three Reasons Meditation Freaks Us Out

Start talking about meditation and you can see people start to fidget. They want to say the meditate, see the value in it, think it’s great. But, unless they practice regularly, they are more inclined to feel nerves rather than Nirvana  when the topic comes up.

Though meditation has moved into the mainstream – backed by scores of studies that say it improves our health, focus, concentration, and stress levels – so many people are still reluctant to give it a go.

It’s not surprising. Meditation used to be so, well, Out There, for us Western-minded souls. It seemed suitable for only gurus and yogis and that left the rest of us – yelling mothers and stressed-out employees – feeling a tiny bit insecure and left out.

To explain away this insecurity, we downplay meditation as “not our thing” which is code for: It’s too hard. Too many rules. Too much time.

But here’s the thing – none of that is true. It isn’t that hard. You can meditate for as little or as long as you want. And the rules? You make ‘em.

Here’s how you too can banish the blocks that may be keeping you from meditating.

Too Many Rules. Yeah, I used to get caught up in the rules. There are lots of techniques and styles and even while sitting in meditation, I’d wonder if I was doing it right. But, there really truly aren’t a lot of ways you can fail at this. There isn’t a right or wrong, just different styles. You do not have to sit on the floor cross-legged and chanting. You do not have to meditate for an hour. You don’t even have to fly to India to make this work.  If you don’t like sitting still, then do a walking meditation. Be open and create a practice that is flexible.

Try this: Set the timer for five minutes. Sit down in a comfortable chair or position. Sit still. And breathe. I don’t even care how you breathe, just keep doing it. Close your eyes if you want – or don’t. Chant or say a mantra if you want – or don’t. You see? The act of meditating doesn’t have to be complicated.

Sit down. Sit still. Sit quiet.

Not Enough Time. Did you read the part where I say set the timer for five minutes? You got five minutes right? To change your life? When I first started meditating I read that anything less than an hour wouldn’t be effective. Hogwash.

If you want to spend an hour meditating  – awesome. I recommend it. But it’s okay too, if you just want to spend five or 10 minutes sitting quietly.

Telling a new meditator they have to sit for an hour is like telling me that to lose weight I can never eat another piece of pizza. Doomed before I begin.

Try this: Baby steps, people. Five minutes, a few days a week. Then, if you feel like it,  five minutes every day and when you are feeling really good, and getting in the practice of regularly sitting still and sitting quiet, add a few minutes here and there. If you choose.

As time goes on, it really does become easier to get quiet and sit still and there are even moments where time just seems to slip away and a half hour session feels like a few minutes and you come out feeling restored.

For me a great session nowadays is about 15 to 20 minutes long.  I do get quiet in my body and my brain and I watch my thoughts go through.

But, I’ve also had times – and do still, years into this practice — when I’m counting every second, planning dinner menus while meditating, and wondering if I can make it to Happy Hour with the gang. So there’s that.

Remember, some time is better than no time. Set a timer and get to it. Notice whatever comes to mind. You will not be graded on how well you perform.

Too much to do. Here’s another thing that bothers us about meditation. It doesn’t feel like we are doing anything when we meditate. I mean we are not typing, not paying bills, not working or folding laundry. We are “not doing” during meditation. And many of us are taught early on that in order to contribute, in order to be successful and worthy and awesome, we have to be doing, working, producing, moving. Therefore, when we sit alone in the quiet it feels, er, lazy.

Try this: You really want to get stuff done? Head into the day with a clear mind,  lower stress, and more energy? A regular meditation practice can get you there.  A meditation practice helps improve focus and attention which means you’ll make fewer mistakes and get more done.

I also think it’s worth mentioning that meditation can help us forget about the doing part of life and teach us to be more open to being. To knowing who we are. To living authentically and compassionately. It reminds us of what we value and allows us to make a mindful and purposeful contribution rather than just running around frantically to get stuff done.

Meditation doesn’t have to be one more thing that stresses you out. By banishing your old beliefs about meditation and establishing a simple practice it can be one thing that adds to the calm in your life.

 

Meditation Helps Ease the Drama

It came up again, over dinner.

My friend, who is always looking to improve her physical health asked me if she “really had to meditate?”

“Yep,” I said. After years of her telling me what to eat – fish oil, fish oil, fish oil – and how to strengthen my core – planks, planks, planks  (she’s a nutrition coach and trainer) — I felt like bossing her around a little. But I also believe in the practice. I think meditation can help us all to feel better and healthier.

Not because you’ll become some blissful and enlightened soul – though some say that can happen. And, not because meditation will take away the challenge or ache of life. But, because when you meditate you will move through the day a little easier.

When those freak out moments come, you won’t, well, freak out. Or at least not all the time. You’ll have a practice in place to help you concentrate and focus better. To ease stress. To live with compassion.

Mostly, for me, meditation takes me out of the drama that can upend my life. It helps be become more present and aware, to marvel over the amazing, to settle down. It slows me down long enough to remind me of who I am and how I want to show up.

All this is just leaves me feeling more grounded. Just leaves me feeling better. Meditation is like a mental massage in the middle of our stressed-out busy lives. When I’m done meditating I’m more relaxed, flexible, compassionate.

Mental Massage

In our culture we talk so often about what we put in our bodies, and how to exercise properly to strengthen our physique and tone our bodies. But it is just as important to be aware of what we are putting in our heads and of what we hold in our hearts.

What we think about, the thoughts we hold, and how we manage those mental flares is just as integral to our well-being as exercise.

And truth be told, if I get to choose between 30 minutes on the elliptical or 20 minutes sitting still, alone in meditation. I’m picking that one. Though the right answer is probably to do a little of both.

Despite the stacks of research now that says all this meditation business is a good thing, it makes many of us nervous. Really nervous. I mean what will come up if I’m sitting alone and quiet? And, who has the time for this stuff, anyhow? How can I possibly do this stuff, I’m not a guru and I’m waaayy too stiff to sit cross-legged anymore?

Good thing is, you don’t have to sit cross-legged to meditate. And, you’re in luck, you don’t even have to be a guru.

In Wednesday’s post, I’ll offer some tips for starting your own practice and overcoming the blocks that may keep you from it.

 

How to ‘Watch Your Thoughts’

It’s all the New Age-rage —  “watching your thoughts” — and when you practice this it can be a crazy-good way to keep from flipping out or breaking into tears or eating the whole batch of brownies.

It doesn’t just keep you out of trouble, it eases the bad feelings that come with it. By watching your thoughts you can emerge from anger or upset into a place of curiosity, peace, and gratitude.

All good, right? But what the heck does it mean? And how woo-woo do you have to be to use it?

Not all that woo-woo as it turns out. I’m a Type-A, ultra- practical mom who lists ‘come up with something for dinner’ and ‘take a shower’ among her daily goals. Observing your thoughts is more of an earthbound technique than an ethereal one. Heck, if I can do it well, I’m telling you what, anybody can.

What Does it Look Like to Watch Your Thoughts

It’s really the practice of slowing down, paying attention , noticing what we are thinking before we react impulsively from those unconscious thoughts.

I used this practice just the other night when my kid dropped the entire bowl — 2 pounds of cooked ground pork  mixed with onions and water chestnuts — on the way to the table. The bowl that took me over an hour to prepare after work on a school night.

Ground pork slid down the walls, landed on the placemats, and under the table, and on the stool,  and the toe of my shoe. It  was everywhere except in the piece of lettuce on my plate.

I was immediately hot and felt a little insane. Crazy with mess and exhaustion and stress after a difficult day. Now this! But I paused just long enough to watch my thoughts. They were irrational. They were volatile and over-the-top. They were so dramatic and raging they actually intensified a situation that sure, was a pain, but was an accident that could be cleaned up in 10 minutes.

I watched those raging thoughts for just a few seconds – believe me they come fast – before doing anything. What I saw is how different those thoughts are from who I am. They were caught up in ego and rightness and anger and not one offered any solution, or any way to ease the situation.

Then I realized something else – and each time I do this it feels a little miraculous – I realized those thoughts meant nothing. They weren’t even true. And I didn’t have to act them out. I could notice them, but I didn’t have to buy into them.

That insight diffused the emotion and  allowed me to choose deliberate, conscious actions that helped me comfort my daughter and get things cleaned up. As good as this practice is, however, it did not give me one single idea about what to cook for dinner.

Sill, a situation that clearly could have gone off the rails and become more difficult if I’d reacted from my initial thought flares, did not. It actually became a way to connect with my family and now is a part of our lore.

How to Watch What You Think

This process of noticing your thoughts isn’t all that cumbersome. Here’s how to do it:

Deep breath.

Pause before you take action.

Notice the actual thought in your head.

Don’t judge. Just notice the actual thought.  You don’t have to say anything like ‘that’s stupid’ just say ‘huh, there is that thought.’

Notice what comes next.

Then choose the next best action.

When you can see your thoughts and observe what’s floating through your mind, a funny thing happens, they don’t have all that much energy. They don’t matter all that much.

This keeps you from behaving badly and intensifying the bad feelings for all. And it is also a great way to connect with the amazing in life. When you bite into that perfect sandwich, or you are having a fantastic time with a friend, or you notice the mesmerizing snow outside and you pause to notice your thoughts and feelings – you get to experience all that goodness again.

When you watch what is in your head – when you notice your thoughts – you can discard those that aren’t serving you and go with the ones that elevate your experience, and by default, those of everyone around you.

See, not woo-woo at all. A simple coping mechanism and if it can get me through a mess of two-pounds of ground pork on the floor and in the plant and everywhere else, I’m thinking it could help you too.

 

Elevate Your Thoughts with Awareness

Today, seven minutes after climbing out of bed, I spilled a two-pound canister of cat food on the carpet in my office. That, my friends, is a lot of kibble on the carpet.

But, after the initial, loud cussing outburst, I was okay. Pulled the vacuum out. Cleaned up the mess and begin to familiarize myself with the Ode de Cat Kibble that now is wafting around my desk.

Sure it was a hassle, but it was done. No need to carry it with me into the day.

I have learned over years of practice that how I respond to any moment whether it’s spilled cat food or a doctor saying ‘you’ve got cancer’ will determine how the next moment goes. You can let single moment grow into a train-wreck of a day, or you can let it pass into something better.

Of course irritating, messy, scary things happen, but how you respond will determine the quality of your life.

Knowing this, allows you to decide what you’ll bring to the moment.

Elevate Your Thoughts

The great teacher and head of the Meditation Museum, Sister Jenna says that our purpose isn’t to stop the dynamic, flow of life, but to “accumulate the thoughts and attitudes” that allow us to elevate the life experience for ourselves and the world.

To do this, we must let go of the limiting ideas and attitudes and think and feel from higher consciousness – the place where peace and love and kindness and joy and openness reside.

When you do this, it feels better  — after all living with peace is so much more comfortable than living with hurt and hostility  – and you also become a positive difference in the world. Simply by choosing to respond to difficulty with awareness, compassion and love you diffuse a difficult moment and elevate the experience for all.

There are many ways to do develop this kind of awareness so that you can elevate the moment. Meditation helps. Solitude and prayer and gratitude and the practice of savoring and self-compassion and mindfulness are good practices too.

But in all of this, there one little practice that does more than anything else to help me develop my awareness.  It’s the practice of watching your thoughts.

I know it sounds  a little woo-woo, new-agey. But for me, nothing has been more practical and powerful when it comes to diffusing my angst in the moment.

In Wednesday’s post, I’ll tell you how to do it.

 

Artwork by Erin Cairney White

Creating Your Own Setback Strategy to Cope with Rejection

Are you rejection resilient?

You better be. The most meaningful things in life – the things we care about most – are also the things that can crush our spirits, tick us off, and leave us feeling like we want to curl up in bed eating pasta and the watching The Kardashians. Yes, rejection can be that bad. If you let it.

But, rejection is also certainty. There is no risk about it. One time or hundreds of times, you are going to fail at the very thing you think you want most. Then what?

First things first: When facing a setback, you’ve got to decide whether the thing you are pursuing is still worth pursuing. Sometimes, we are no longer clear about why we are going after a particular goal. Sometimes something more meaningful has come into our awareness and a setback can be a great time to sit back and consider whether you should pursue your original goal or let go for something better.

But, if you decide to go forward, here’s how to deal with the pain of rejection.

Four Ways to Become Setback Safe

1. Look for a chance to improve. When you get a big no-go en route to your goal, take a deep breath and look at the opportunity within the setback. It’s easy to get stuck in the pain of rejection, or in a cycle of blaming others for the failure. But, if you can shift your perspective to evaluate your progress, take-to-heart any constructive criticism, identify your weaknesses and improve or adapt the things that need to be changed, you will not have any time to dwell on the pain of failure. Instead, you’ll be gathering momentum to make a move toward what you want.

2. Take baby steps. The day you experience a setback, do something to move in the direction of your dream. One friend advised me to send out a new pitch the same day as I get a rejection. Take some small step toward what you want – even in the midst of defeat — and the action will inspire you to keep going.

3. Keep an awesome file. Over the months and years, collect evidence of your own awesome. Keep letters of praise or kindness. Write down compliments you’ve been given. Take note of the times you feel good about yourself. Put all these kudos in a file in a file and pull it open during the gray days when you are pretty sure you will never succeed. While we are all bound to fail at times, we are also bound for success. Sometimes it’s just a matter of remembering.

4. Put your imagination to work. Research, in the Journal of Behavior Therapy and Experimental Psychiatry indicates that when we visualize our best possible life and write about that in specific detail, we feel more optimistic. And, that optimism motivates us to create a better future. So, right now, imagine your ideal life, five or 10 years out. Paint the picture in your imagination and then take a step toward it.

 

 

Go After Your Dream Despite Threat of Rejection

I hit send about 20 minutes ago on a speaking proposal that has a good chance of being rejected.

But instead of feeling nervous, I feel exhilarated.

I feel alive.

When I was just starting out as a writer, most of the advice I received from more experienced souls was to “start small.” Send ideas to the smaller markets, the smaller magazines and publications. There is less competition there and you may have a shot at publication, I was told.

My first proposal went to Family Circle. Not even close to a small market.

I figured, what did I have to lose? If they rejected my idea outright, I could always drop down and send it to one of those smaller publications. But what if they said “Yes?” To me that was the more important question. What if they said “yes.”

And they did say “yes.” And, I did publish that story and others in Family Circle. I’ve had plenty rejected by them too. And, I do publish and get rejected by smaller publications too. Every success is backed up by plenty of rejections.

I don’t love it. I’m not happy or always comfortable with rejection. Sometimes, I complain about it. Sometimes I become an emotional eater. Chips anyone? I get irritable.

Then, I move beyond the hurt and recognize the opportunity that is there too. Because with every rejection, there is a chance to regroup and recommit. Every rejection is a chance to decide again how much I care.

Following the Dream – Or Not

If I care a lot, if I decide this dream is still worth pursuing then no yahoo (no matter how smart and powerful) is going to stop me. I will keep going even if it means I must adapt, change, practice, improve and grow before I try again.

Or, I may decide I don’t want it bad enough. Good to know. Our goals and desires will shift as we go along. Our values will change. No sense in giving our time and resources to something we no longer give a rip about. But, when you discover you no longer want to get after this goal, pick a compelling new one to pursue. We do better that way.

And then take the step toward it. There is nothing better than making that first big move toward an even bigger dream.

The e-mail I sent out today was a little leap toward that bigger dream. No matter the outcome, the fact that I went after the gig, gave it my best, invested myself emotionally, took the risk despite fear and the potential for disappointment, means I’m one step closer to getting where I want to go.

Will You Back Yourself Up?

This isn’t just me. I am surrounded by dream makers – people who go after their goals. They work and learn and grow and strive to accomplish their dreams and I get caught up in their wake of inspiration. These people are going after it and they are brave enough to back themselves up after every setback or failure. They keep going. They are willing to risk — and experience — rejection in order to grow. Are you?

Your dream may not be a speaking gig or a book deal, but whatever it is for you it’s important to understand what your commitment is. Can you  answer “yes” to these questions?

Is your dream important enough, interesting enough, exciting enough for you to invest your time ?

Will you back yourself up when nobody else will?

Is worth the risk of failure and rejection?

Did you answer “yes?” Then keep going. And know this, every step you take makes this elusive dream a little more of a real possibility and that is, well,  invigorating. It is alive-making. And fun.

Course, the setbacks will come. And you must weather them and  find your way through them. On Wednesday, I’ll share some simple strategies to help you do that.

For now, consider this: What are you willing to do right now, to get behind your dream?

When you know the answer get out there and get after it.

 

Image by artist Erin Cairney White.Her original artwork is available through the little details company.

 

How to Meet New Friends

Yesterday, I spent the afternoon with three people I adore. We had great conversation. Great laughs. And great views of the sun on the countryside. For about seven hours.

That’s a lot of time. But instead of feeling arduous or draining, the time flew by. At the end of all that time together, I felt refreshed. I felt restored. I just plain felt better.

Such is the power of friendship.

Plenty of research proves that social support can ward of depression and increase optimism and resilience – all good for our overall well-being. But the healthy and supportive relationships also help us pursue our goals and even make healthier choices.

Now, scientists say, friendships can even inoculate us against the common cold.

Researchers at  Carnegie Mellon University found that people who receive more hugs are less likely to get sick. Hugs were a way to gauge  social support. People who received a lot of hugs, have more social support since we usually aren’t (or better not be) grabbing hold of complete strangers. More hugs equal more social support. More social support means less stress and that means we are  less susceptible to infection and colds, according to researchers.

It’s clear solid relationships are an essential part, not only of a fun life, but a healthy one.

Yet the world changes at such a fast pace, it can be hard to maintain those connections. People move, divorce, change jobs, and relationships fall away. We also tend to communicate more via technology than keeping up the  face-to-face interactions that buoy us. So, it’s time we work harder to care for the friendships we have.

And if you are missing those kind of rock-solid relationships, here are three ways to get back out there again and start building new friendships.

It takes a little energy and effort, but better health and well-being are the big pay-offs.

Three Ways to Meet New Friends

Move toward your talents and interests. Are you a good tennis player? Sign up for a league. Do you like to write? Join a local writer’s group or put author readings on your calendar. Are you good at organizing? Volunteer for a local group that does work you admire. When you contribute your gifts to the world, you often run into others that share those talents. This is a good foundation for friendship.  It’s easier to start talking when you have something in common.

Notice the people along the way. Engage in life. Participate. Play. Have fun. Do the activities you enjoy – but notice others along the way. Keep your head up. Say “hello.” Be friendly, but patient. Friendships don’t start overnight. Nor will you want to hang out with everyone you meet. But when you are having fun, you exude positive energy and you are much more likely to encounter great people, and potential friends.  When you do, when you end up chatting, pay attention to what they are sharing, show interest. Next time you two run into each other, this gives you a natural entry point, something to ask about, if it feels appropriate.

Be authentic. Don’t blow smoke. You don’t have to be perfect to be worthy of good, loving relationships so be yourself. You won’t connect with everyone you meet – nor would you want to. That doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you – or them. So don’t blame or beat yourself up. Just be true, open, and do the things you enjoy and your true nature will shine through. That will be enough to build friendships that matter.

 

 

Three Ways to Stay Well During Cold Season

I volunteered at my daughter’s elementary school a couple of days ago and in the course of two hours had six kids cough on me. Like on me. Like lean on over into their little tiny hands and somehow miss their hands and hit me.

I couldn’t get enough anti-bacterial lotion that day. Seems everybody was hacking or sneezing.

But sneezing and coughing doesn’t have to be synonymous with winter. There are plenty of little life hacks you can use to ward of the seasonal hacking of a cold or flu bug. Give these three a go.

1. Expect the best. Realistic optimism –  the belief things are good or will get better – can diffuse negative moods, and ease stress. That alone helps your immune efficiency. And people with a more upbeat attitude also tend to do the things – eat better, exercise more, engage in life in productive ways – that support physical health. If you are prone to a more pessimistic attitude. That’s o.k. too, just behave optimistically, by engaging in life and finding positive things to look forward to, and you’ll benefit.

2. Get plenty of hugs. Plenty of research shows the importance of appropriate touch. High fives, pats on the back and other healthy forms of touch help people manage stress and perform better. Now a new study from Carnegie Mellon University shows that people who receive more hugs are less likely to get sick. Hugs are one form of social support and researchers say that the more support a person has, demonstrated through the frequency of hugs, the lower their stress and the less susceptible they are to infection.

3. Sleep. Seriously, people, this is not the time to push yourself to exhaustion. Make time to rest. Develop solid sleep habits. Turn off technology an hour before bed time, (the blue light waves interrupt our natural sleep rhythms), and go to bed at the same time each night to establish a sleep schedule that will allow your body to recover and restore its natural health. When we are physically exhausted we are prone to picking up every little bug. Proper rest is a biggie when it comes to staying healthy.  And, it will actually make you more productive during the day

Eight Things You Can Quit — Now

One way we short-circuit our dreams is to by doing things that impede our success. For example, if I want to lose weight, but I’m filling the cupboard with chips and cookies (darn Girl Scouts) I’m making it harder to eat healthier.

The best way to make tracks toward my goal then, isn’t to simply do more, but to stop doing the things that keep me from it.

When we stop doing the things that threaten our forward motion life becomes easier, we gain a little momentum, and are more likely to persist toward what we want most and even feel better while doing it.

So, instead of doing more to achieve your goals, today, I’m going to suggest you do less. Less of the things that sap your self-control. Less of the things that drain you physically and emotionally and hinder your success.

Eight Things You Can Quit

Leaving things laying around. If you are holding it, picking it up, taking it out, put it away when you are done. No need to lay it on the counter or drop it on the floor only to have to pick it up later.

Trying to be all Food Networky. I am so over feeling bad because I’m making the same stuff week in and week out. My fam would eat peanut butter and tacos (though peanut butter tacos has not been tried – yet) every day without complaint, but I felt bad about not coming up with new dinner menus each week. I am so over that.

When I have time to try a new recipe or cook special meals, I’m all over it. I enjoy the process. But when things are a crazy mix of piano-basketball-need-to-buy-a-birthday-present-for-the-party-in-20-minutes, I’m lucky to get anything on the table. On these days, I’m grateful to have a go-to meal.

Apologizing for a dirty house.  Seriously, if you can live with it, who gives a rip what others think? You are not failing because your windows haven’t been cleaned, in say, well over a year, or so, hypothetically. If it really bugs you, clean it, but if it isn’t a priority, move on.  No need to give it another thought.

Volunteering for things you don’t care about. You can do lots of good in the world, make a positive difference and help out others and have a good time doing. It’s OK to feel good while giving back. So, stop doing those things you think you should do, but don’t care all that much about.

This is an energy-sucking, emotionally taxing way to live. Instead, throw yourself into the things that matter to you and you’ll feel enthused and inspired. That good energy will rev you up for everything else.

Weekly grocery shopping. Now you can’t get away with this for too long, but if you pull food from the pantry you’ll free up a big ol chunk of time for more of the things that excite you. Get creative with the food you have (or not, remember the value of a weekly pasta night)  and give yourself a break from the grocery store aisles a couple of times a month.

Saying “I’ll give you a call” or “we should get together.” No you shouldn’t and you probably won’t. You are already texting, talking, drinking with the people you want to connect with. It’s hard enough to find quality time to spend with the people you really care about. If you want to start a new relationship that is great and healthy and fun. But don’t say it unless you mean it. Every time you make a promise you can’t or don’t want to keep, it drains a little energy from your personal authenticity account. Stop doing it. Be sincere, say “so nice to see you.” But don’t make promises you don’t intend to keep.

Buying things you may have to return. If you aren’t sure, don’t buy. Try on what you can in the store. No matter what you think it will be much easier and save you a ton of time if you do it now rather than running back to the store later. Plus, many people forget to make the returns which in the long run costs some serious cash.

Technology. No, not forever. Don’t freak. But turn it off for a while – after you read this article, of course. It is so easy to get sucked into the newest show, a Facebook chat, Smartphone apps (Words with Friend anyone?). Sure, I do it too and a certain amount of technology time might be a way to unwind.

Anything else is a brain drain and takes you off track toward the other things that would actually make you feel better like exercise, interacting with real, live people, reading a book, getting outside or making progress toward the goals that add meaning to your life. Turn it off. Have a technology moratorium each day – an hour or two or more. At first it may seem tough. Then you’ll just get creative.

When find ways to give up the little things that drain you emotionally and physically during your day, you’ll have more time and energy to put toward the things that add meaning to your life.

 

 

Simple Tips to Boost Self-Control

I do not like grocery shopping. All those rows of black beans. Shelves filled with pasta and bread and soup and four varieties of Almond Milk and eggs. Geez, there are a dozen type of eggs. Eggs, people. All these choices just plumb wear me out.

I am grateful, too. I get that it’s a privilege to have an abundance of choices. I marvel at the opportunity. But the sheer  volume of information coming our way from the grocery store shelves and gazillion television channels and the Internet and iPods and tablets and phones bombards with ideas and info and gossip and issues can also leave me feeling worn, depleted and psychologically wiped out. This happens for most people, and that sets up another cluster of problems.

Researchers like Kathleen Vohs have shown that the less self-control we have the more likely we are to make unhealthy choices.

After a day of dealing with so many decisions at work and at home, our willpower is wiped out and so are we. So, we do what’s easy. We hit the next highway exit in search of the nearest McDonald’s rather than deciding what to make for dinner. Working out? Why, when it’s easier to lay on the couch. Rather than passing on the after-dinner snack, we’ll pick up the bowl (or gallon) of cream.

But recent research also indicates that our moods and beliefs can buffer against waning willpower – an affect psychologists call ego-depletion.  And, we can give ourselves a break by simply making fewer choices.

Take it from me, Ms. Type A, turning off some of the noise in your life a little at a time will help you hear more of the music. This is really about simplifying things a bit. Here’s how.

Turn off technology. At least an hour a day. The more time away the better. No television, phone, email, Furbies, iPods, tablets, heck, don’t even answer the door, attend the meeting, or talk to anyone through the remote microphone at the drive-thru window. Just be in the quiet. Read if you want. Meditate. Clean the house. Sit still. At first you’ll feel a bit panicked, as though you aren’t getting enough done, but in time you’ll see that your body is working to heal and restore and soon, you’ll feel buoyed by interesting ideas or thoughts you’ve never been quiet enough to notice that will help you be healthier, more productive, satisfied.
Keep it simple. Make some decisions before they ever come up. Really. Decide right now to order the same coffee drink – every time. I buy the same black beans each time I’m at the store. I’m not even looking at the other brands. Keep the simple things, well, uh, simple.
Do something that takes your complete focus. Rumination – the constant processing, worrying, dwelling on things we are stressed about – is depleting. But, when we immerse ourselves in something we are curious about or interested in that absorbs all of our attention, our more optimistic nature kicks in and we are less likely to ruminate during and after. When I’m playing my flaming-red ukulele, I’m not thinking about how much money I need to transfer to pay the bills. When I’m golfing, I’m consumed by just that – after all, it takes a lot of focus to go looking for lost golf balls. Find the thing that you have fun doing, the thing that absorbs you and do it. This also helps raise your mood and there is some evidence to suggest that being in a better mood helps shore up self-control. Watch a funny film, do something kind for another, savor the outdoors.

Try these tips to subtly simplify your life and shore up your self-control . Chances are you’ll feel more energized than depleted at the end of the day.