Rhyll Biest's Blog, page 14
April 13, 2014
Lust object: Haitian Voodoo Penis Enlargement Spell
Enterprising. That’s the only word I can find to describe this Etsy item. Plus I’m scared of being hexed if I say anything too sassy.
April 11, 2014
April 12 is... National Licorice Day
Bright colours, sugar, licorice jewelry—it’s the perfect storm as far as the Lady Biest is concerned. She’ll be holding her own licorice tasting parting in bed, with twenty of her closest friends, and you don’t wanna know where she’s gonna hide those assorted licorice twists for her friends to find. Do the Naughty Ninjas have licorice romance for you? Hell, yeah:
In Licorice Whips by Bridget Midway, "Sweet" Hawkes is a BDSM dominant who has lost his smile. Although he loves the candy store called Decadent Treats that he co-owns with his brother, Masaun, he's lost the passion he had for making treats for his customers.
Awww, poor Hawkes, all that candy and no one to whip. The Lady Biest also found Justin Bieber fanfic involving licorice while searching the internets, but refuses to talk about it...
April 12 is... Walk On Your Wild Side Day
Embrace your untamed inner freak by doing whatever blows your hair back, whether it be having sex with a pterodactyl, marrying your fridge or wearing dildo-heeled stilettos. (Note: the Lady Biest thought she was being original in making that last one up but when she googled it discovered that you can buy them at Etsy. They’re called Dilettos. Sigh. You’re never as original as you think.)
April 10, 2014
Lust Object: Crazy Cat Lady Cat Food Scented Soap
Are you finding that you're having trouble keeping away from LOLcats? Do you go all squishy and mushy when you see a liddle puddy tat? Does your widdle mouf water when you open your puddy tat's Fancy Feast? (This is a test people... it's a test.) Well, if you've descended to the latter realm of crazy, here's the soap for you. Bathe yourself in the wonderful scent of Whiskas and watch the kitties come running.
Love it? Buy it here.
April 6, 2014
Lust Object: Penis Chapstick Cozy
While the sellers of this product argue ‘you’ll never lose your chapstick again’, I bet it gets stolen pretty often. After all, who could resist a pink or purple peter-pouch for their lip balm? You can even get a key ring version. Think of the fun of handing that over to your mechanic or car cleaner. Made and sold in the US, you can get one here.
April 5, 2014
April 6 is... Tartan Day
For those who actively seek out tartan this is your day. How do you plan to celebrate tartan-lovers? We want to know, whether it’s by reading about big-boobied shirtless clansmen deflowering maidens among the heather, or just a wee fantasy about nude jelly wrestling with a giant bagpipe.
April 4, 2014
Lust Object: Panda Party Bean Bag Chair
Pandas are endangered. Everyone knows they can’t get it awwn and that’s limiting their pandary numbers. But a secret that a lot of people don’t know is that they’re unable to procreate because people keep mistaking them for chairs and sitting on their naughty bits. In fact, sitting on one of these Panda Party Bean Bag Chairs feels a little like panda genocide. Comfortable panda genocide.
Want to sit on a panda? Buy one of these plush little numbers here.
April 5 is... The Body Love Conference
The Lady Biest has a giant lady-crush on Jes Baker and nearly pined away once she realised that she’d miss the Body Love Conference in Tucson, Arizona where Jes, BOB, Tess Munster, Sonya Renee Taylor and other celebs will be speaking about body love. While unable to attend in body, the Lady Biest plans to celebrate the Body Love Conference in spirit by flirting madly with herself in the mirror and pledges to thwack any body-shaming twats she encounters with a bag full of dicks.
If you want some quality full-figured romance, try Heart’s A Mess by Kylie Scott or Curvy Girls edited by Rachel Kramer Bussel.
April 2, 2014
April 2nd is... Ferret Day!
An unspayed female ferret is called a jill while a spayed female is a sprite. An intact male is a hob and a neutered male is called a gib. Baby ferrets are called kits. The collective noun for ferrets is ‘a business of ferrets’. The Lady Biest plans to celebrate Ferret Day by writing a story about a hot alpha hob. How will you celebrate? If you’re a ferret owner, send us a link to a picture of your little carpet shark.
Want some ferret in your romance? Try Lisa Kleypas' Hathaway series.
April 3 is... Mule Day
Every dog has its day, and so does every mule. Begun in 1840, Mule Day celebrates all things mulish, and is best celebrated in Columbia, Tennessee—the self-proclaimed "Mule Capital" of the world—where an annual four-day mule-lovin-fest is held. The Lady Biest is going to write some saucy were-mule erotica to celebrate Mule Day, how are you going to celebrate?
