Rhyll Biest's Blog, page 17
March 2, 2014
Lust object of the Day: Pole Dancer Alarm Clock
Really classy guys and gals can now buy themselves a Pole Dancer Alarm Clock. That’s right, when the alarm goes off, her little glitter ball lights up, the music starts playing and the dancer spins around the pole. Why? Because when it’s too-fucking-early o’clock in the morning, that’s what I need to uplift my spirits—a plastic pole dancer humping a plastic pole. The Lady Biest suspects she’d take her lady hammer to it in under a week.
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Quote(s) of the Week
The ninjas' favourite quotes, both from both books and while splashing around in the social media play pool.
"Her lips were full and turned up at the corners in a playful shag-me-in-yon-buttercup-field kind of way, and she had a dimple, only one, to the right of her mouth, which deepened when she smiled. An urgent need to kiss her struck him." (Quote from For One Night Only by Phillipa Fioretti)
“Spoilers are the STDs of the book world. Protect yourself. If you have a spoiler, be responsible and warn your reading partners.” Lauren DeStefano on Twitter.
“My hubby is drunk. He just tried to bring his chair back inside...by walking into a glass window. As soon as he passes out I'll be playing Picasso with his face.” Author Eden Summers on Facebook.
“Tell me you have a plan.”
“I have a plan.”
“Tell me it doesn’t involve duct tape or a duck.” (The Runaway Groom, Virginia Nelson)
March 1, 2014
March 2 is...
Dr Seuss’s Birthday
To celebrate the birthday of Dr Suess, the Lady Biest is going to frot around Seussville and get her Grinch on, perhaps revisit Green Eggs and Ham, and will take her Cat in a Hat bag to executive meetings instead of a briefcase. Please leave a comment telling us how you’re going to celebrate.
“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go...”
― Dr. Seuss, Oh, the Places You'll Go!
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February 28, 2014
March 1 is...
National Pig Day, Peanut Butter Lover's Day and World Compliment Day
National Pig Day is the day "to accord the pig its rightful, though generally unrecognized, place as one of man's most intellectual and domesticated animals" says co-founder Mary Lynne Rave of North Carolina. Rhyll ‘the Lady’ Biest will be celebrating by holding a "pig party" at work which will include an oink-off competition. She’ll also spike her colleague’s pink pig punch with triple shots of vodka so they fall into a drunken snooze, allowing her to photograph the little pink ribbon pigtails she then pins on their butts. Once home, she’ll snarf a hundred Reese's Peanut Butter Cups to celebrate Peanut Butter Lover's day (oink!) and then tell herself she did it in style (as part of World Compliment Day).
Please leave a comment telling us how you’re going to celebrate March 1.
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March is...
National Umbrella Month: That’s right, March is dedicated to the purchase, use and conversation about umbrella’s. Accuweather (those shameless weather opportunists) created a whole online video celebrating National Umbrella Month.
In Canada, Australia and the US, March is national Women’s History Month. You can read all about Australian women’s history and an event being held in Canberra to celebrate Women’s History Month here. The Lady Biest plans to celebrate by holding a month-long bra-b-que at her place with all the other ninjas, so come on over and toss a bra on the barbie! And if you think suffragettes had it easy, think about the suffrage parade attacked on March 3, 1913 in Washington DC. Of the 5000 women marching 200 were injured, some were spat upon, struck in the face, and pelted with burning cigar stubs while police stood by and watched.
Leave a comment below telling us how long you think it takes for a bra to burn.
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February 27, 2014
February Newsletter Subscriber Winner
Naughty ninja love child
And the winner of our monthly newsletter subscriber prize is…Gina Whitney. Woot!
Gina's prize is a ninja softie keyring made in Australia by Cute Kotori. Yes, he's silent, deadly...and made of wool felt.
Stay tuned for the draw of the $80 Amazon gift voucher prize on March 14, and the draw of the April newsletter subscriber prize in April.
And if you haven't subscribed yet, whaddya waitin' for? Not only do newsletter subscribers go in the draw for monthly prizes, but they get advance notice of competitions, deals, releases and new posts. And they get all our earthy, slightly sweaty ninja love...
February 28 is…
Hammaspeikko
Tooth Fairy Day
The tooth fairy is not to be confused with Hammaspeikko the Finnish tooth troll who, lured by candy eating, drill holes into teeth and is only scared away by tooth brushing.
The preoccupation with managing lost baby teeth dates back to the Middle Ages when children in England were instructed to burn their baby teeth in order to save the child from spending eternity searching for them in the afterlife.
Meanwhile, the fearsome Vikings paid children for their teeth and made necklaces from them to bring good luck in battle.
But the best reason for burning or burying baby teeth was to keep them out of the hands of witches. Medieval Europeans believed that if a witch were to gain possession of one of your teeth, it would give them total power over you.
Since the Lady Biest is totally witchy, she’s going to celebrate Tooth Fairy Day by cracking out her collection of stolen baby teeth and casting some spells. How will you celebrate?
February 26, 2014
Lust Object: Write Like A Mofo Mug
You’re a writer, you’re a kickass writer. You’re a motherfuckin’ kickass writer! But sometimes you need to remind yourself just how kickass you are. The Write Like a Motherfucker mug tells you loud and proud. Now get your arse off social media and write! Or Sandra Cookieface is gonna come to your house, and confiscate your mug for her own nefarious coffee lovin’ purposes.
Want one? You can get one here.
February 25, 2014
February 27 is…
Polar Bear Day
Just like the Lady Biest, polar bears are superbly insulated by up to 10 cm of blubber, overheat at temperatures above 10 °C, and are nearly invisible under infrared photography. Another point in common is that if a hungry Lady Biest or polar bear spots a photographer, they’re likely to pursue them. Like polar bears, the Lady Biest has been known to rip the door off a truck before the photographer can drive off (it's just like popping the ring seal on a can of Coke). To celebrate Polar Bear Day she plans to eat several wildlife photographers. How are you going to celebrate?
Picture credit: Native Vermont
February 22, 2014
February 23 is...
Defender of the Fatherland Day
Commemorates the birth of the Red Army in 1918 and the first battle of invading German troops. The Lady Biest celebrates this day by observing two minutes of silence while she thinks about how hot Russian soldiers are. Her full thesis on this subject is available here.
