Leon Scott Baxter's Blog, page 30

I’m Not Vain, But I Need Attention

How To Go From Presidential Nominee to Inmate #16254 in Four Years

Seriously? Let’s see, one turn of events and he could have been the leader of the free world four years ago. Another turn of events and he can end up in six by eight cell for the next thirty years. Why? Because of relationship indiscretions!

Yes, I’m talking about 2008 presidential nominee, John Edwards. Most of know he admitted to having an affair on his wife and he’s at the center of a legal case where he allegedly used nearly $1 million in campaign funds to hide his mistress, Rielle Hunter, and their baby daughter while he was running for president.

Why are powerful men so stupid? I blog about it all the time: John Travolta, Kobe Bryant, Herman Cain, Arnold Scwarzenneger, Bill Clinton, Anthony Weiner, Tiger Woods, Jesse James (Sandra Bullock’s ex), and the list goes on. It’s got to be some kind of impervious complex or something. They see it happening to other men of power, but I guess assume it won’t happen to them?

Look, cheating in a relationship is a horrible thing. It destroys your family, it hurts your spouse and it fractures the foundations of your marriage. But,more than that, if you are in power, you lose credibility. People like and trust you less. And, if you try covering it up by breaking the law, then you GET TO GO TO JAIL! Really, is it worth that?

This is for men in power as well as men in Jack in the Box. It also applies to women, powerful or not… don’t cheat! How much simpler can I make it? If you are not completely in love, don’t commit yet. Go out and sow your oats. If you thought you were ready, tied the knot, then realized you still had some oats to sow, see a marriage counselor and deal with it, talk to your spouse about having an open-marriage or bringing in a 3rd to the bedroom (the idea here is that the spouse agrees to this, therefore you avoid cheating) or separate or divorce. Just stop cheating!

If Edwards would have kept his winky in his pants, none of this would have happened. If he had divorced his wife, maybe he would have not been a presidential nominee, but neither would he be a candidate today for the state pen.

I know, we men need to learn how to be monogamous. Look, if no one has taught you yet, don’t just wait for a knock on your door. Seek it. Learn how not to cheat. The first week in October is “National Avoid A Divorce Lawyer Week.” It’s all about learning how to strengthen your relationship for seven consecutive days (http://www.facebook.com/AvoidADivorceLawyerWeek). Be a part of it so you don’t end up in prison because you got a little horny.

Rubbed the Wrong Way

When I heard that John Travolta had been accused of sexual aggression with a hotel masseur (now, it’s up to three masseurs) I’m thinking I’m going to write another Tiger Woods, Kobe Bryant, Arnold Sschwarzenegger post about rich celebs who think they can have it all because they are used to people catering to their every whim.

What I didn’t realize was that the claims against the former Sweathog came from men. That adds a whole new twist to this  situation as far as his relationship goes. Travolta has been married to actress Kelly Preston and the couple has two children. If the allegations are true, again we have another spoiled star who thinks he can get what his heart desires, even if it’s inappropriate because his world has been served to him on a silver platter while being sheltered from the rules of society the rest of us must follow. But, on top of that, Preston has not only to deal with her hubby’s infidelity, but also she has to wrestle with the idea that her husband is also attracted to men.

That’s a double whammy for Preston. If she already knows that Travolta has an affinity for men, then that’s one less issue for her. If she has allowed him to have these kids of interactions with men, then really there’s no longer a relationship issue. There’s only the lawsuit and the disgruntled masseurs that claim misconduct.

But, if this is all new to Preston, she will be devastated if it’s true.

Rich, celebrity men, please listen up! If you are attracted to men, please either don’t get involved with a woman, or let them know early on so they will know what they are getting themselves into. Next, if you think one person will not be enough for you, tell her before you tie the knot, and by all means, feel free to have an open relationship if you both agree. If not, don’t get married.  That goes for non-celebrity Regular Joe Schmucks, too.

No, Katy…Don’t Do It!

Rumors are abound that singer Katy Perry wants to get back together with her ex-hubby, actor Russell Brand. She’s having second thoughts about the divorce after a mere 14-month marriage. Brand has moved on and is living with model, Nikolett Barabas. Perry tried moving on with model, Baptiste, but she still misses Brand.

Here’s the deal, the couple didn’t publicize the reason for the divorce. There was speculation that the sex had died down and that Brand was too interested in other women. No matter the reason, Perry said she was surprised when Brand served her with the divorce papers on December 30 of 2011. The thing is, whatever the problem was, it hasn’t gone away, Katy. She is a place where selective memory is taking over. She’s lonely and forgetting the bad, remembering only the good. As a result, she wants to get the relationship bac =k on her feet.

The truth is, odds are it would not be in her best interest. I recall being heart-broken my senior year in high school when a girlfriend of mine called it quits. I wasn’t ready to move on and I still had string feelings for her. After a few months a miracle took place. She wanted to give the relationship a second chance. My heart screamed for me to give it another chance, but my brain told me not to, because it would be sure heart-break again.

I knew I wanted to be with her, but I had enough respect for my heart to avoid going through that pain again. It was one of the hardest things that I had ever done at the time. I told her that I just didn’t feel that way for her any longer. Was it a mistake? i guess it could have been. I’ll never know. But, I did heal. I found the woman of my dreams, and I stayed friends with my ex, all while saving my heart from what I know would have devastated me again.

Katy, relationships are risks, because they may not work, but when they don’t and you become heart-broken, be strong enough not t repeat he same mistakes. Let Russell have his model and keep moving, Katy. Don’t look back. No regrets!

Long-Distance Engagement

Help Me Plan Activities

Kudos to the Evil Tooth Fairy?

I was watching LIVE! With Kelly yesterday (please don’t judge; Kelly’s doing great without Regis), and Kelly announced that a woman in Poland, who happened to be a dentist, removed all of her ex boyfriend’s teeth a couple days after he’d dumped her. There were a couple of things I found interesting: 1) the guy went to his ex for a toothache after he’d recently ended the relationship. Not the brightest bulb in Poland’s marquee. 2) Even more interesting was the response that the women in Kelly’s audience offered. They cheered for the dentist (who, by the way, faces three years in prison) because apparently they thought that being dumped was just cause for removing a 45 year old man’s permanent teeth.

We don’t know the specifics about the break-up, but when there’s a break-up, often one person hurts the other (sometimes unintentionally), but even if the guy was a jerk, cheated on his tooth fairy of an ex, removing his teeth is not just punishment for the infraction. It irks me that there was a woman who would ruin her profession and permanently scar a man she was in a relationship with because she was hurt. But, what bugged me more was that the women in Kelly’s audience thought it was not only okay, but justified.

To Kelly’s credit, she shook her finger at those women by telling them that had it been a man who had done that to a woman,they wouldn’t be applauding. What is it that makes us think that if a man breaks a woman’s heart he deserves the worst in life? Women hurt men, too, but in our society we don’t feel that the woman “deserves” the worst. I think we believe that men can move on because we are not “emotional”, but women are fragile and are scarred longer.

That’s a bunch of BS. People are people. Yes, men tend to be more analytical and women more emotional, but both genders have feelings. And, relationships end. I even advise couples to break up at times. Should every man I tell to consider a break-up end up with a mouthful of dentures a la George Washington?

Again, I don’t know the details of the break-up, but in hindsight, I would guess this break-up was a good move on this guy’s part. She probably had some anger issues. Too bad, though, the guy was too much of a dimwit to consider changing his dentist.

Two-Week Break

Closing the Door on Open Marriage

I’m watching 20/20 this weekend and they’re featuring a special edition, The New Sex, which discusses sex in our society, topics that include male gigolos, the bestselling book, 50 Shades of Grey, and celebrity sex.

I always find these shows interesting because they tap into one of the most powerful elements of relationships…sex. And, if you know me, I’m not one to cast sexual judgment on a couple. As long as both parties agree and what they do isn’t hurting anyone else, I say, “To each their own.”

But, there was one segment, that did get a reaction out of me. It was the one about open marriages with children. Again, I don’t have a moral issue with open marriages. They are not for me (when I was dating, I couldn’t even handle dating more than one woman at a time…not that great at juggling), but if they work for others, more power. The issue that I had was a comment during the piece, where it was stated something along the lines, that open marriages are needed because sometimes we have cravings. So, why not satiate them?

Here’s the skinny. We all have cravings, but that doesn’t mean we should cave in and take what we want solely because we want it. That’s called gluttony. We need to have some sense of restraint in parts of our lives. Look, if having an open marriage makes your relationship stronger, makes you and your partner happier and more productive people, by all means, dive right in head first. But, if you two are stepping outside of your relationship because you feel you deserve to have whatever you want in life, not only are you not making choices based on your relationship, but you are spoiled!

Do you buy the dress just because it’s pretty? Do you eat four desserts just because you want them? Do you take from the tip jar, because you’d like more money? That’s what this argument is all about, taking what you want because you want it.

Good relationships require sacrifice. So, no, I don’t have a problem with what couples do in their bedroom or if they bring in other people, if that is an asset to the relationship. I do have a problem with spoiled brats who feel it’s their right to have sex with someone outside of their relationship just because they’re hot for them. Why does it get me steamed? It’s not because it ruins the sanctity of marriage, because it doesn’t for some. It’s because these people are weak and feel they deserve whatever they want in life, and a think a little sacrifice goes a long way.

The Social Network for Two

I just stumbled upon this a few days ago, and I absolutely LOVE IT! It’s this new app called “Pair” for couples. It was started in February this year by five guys just out of college, three of whom were missing their girlfriends. They wanted a way to connect with their significant others in a Facebook-like way, but with more privacy. So, they created this app for couples in long-distance relationships or who just had to be away from each other for a bit. Here’s how they describe it on their website:

Pair is a brand new messaging app that we like to refer to as Super SMS. Our goal is to make Pair the first thing that pops into your mind when you want to share something with your partner. These days, it’s not only text messages that you want to share, but also photos, video, your location, and even things like sketches. Instead of treating these other types of messages like second class citizens, we treat them the same as text messages. This creates a very fun and intimate timeline between you and your partner, and helps you feel close even when you’re apart.

The app is free and available for iPhone with Android capability coming soon. The app has cool features like real-time sketch where you and your sweetheart can draw to each other or even play Hangman or Tic-Tac-Toe. The one I think is the best is the Thumbkiss. Thumbkiss allows you and your partner to touch your own screens, see each other’s thumb, and when you match them up on the screens, the phone vibrates creating a virtual kiss good-night (or good morning). I wonder if they can find the technology to do it with lips.

Grab the app and let me know what you think.