Leon Scott Baxter's Blog, page 28
July 26, 2012
Wedding Bells for Hannah Montana?
Nineteen-year old singer-actress Miley Cyrus is now engaged to 22-year old The Hunger Games star Liam Hemsworth. As a self-proclaimed “old guy” my initial reaction was that these two are too young to be thinking marriage, especially Cyrus, who is still a teenager. Dating is fine, and even talking about tying the knot “someday” is expected, but why get engaged so early? My biggest concern was that their engagement would be short and they’d end up jumping into marriage, which could be disastrous at such a young age.
Why not wait? There’s plenty of time to settle down. Young people tend to make rash decisions because their brains don’t fully develop until their mid-twenties. If Cyrus married Hemsworth, chalk up another short Hollywood marriage and another Tinseltown divorce.
But, then I thought back to my own relationship. I started dating my wife at twenty-one, not quite a teen, but since guys tend to be a bit less mature than their female counterparts, there’s a good chance my head was in a similar place as Cyrus’. After six months, we announced our engagement, and a year a half later, we were walking down the aisle and drinking cheap champagne. And, yes, there were naysayers: “You are too young. How do you know what true love is? Why not wait? This marriage won’t last two years.”
My wife and I just celebrated our twentieth anniversary this month, and we are happier than ever. We’ve had a terrific run together. So, what’s the deal with me being a hypocrite? I mean, I’ve become one of the naysayers about Cyrus and Hemsworth.
I had always planned that maybe I would get hitched when I was twenty-seven, but when my wife and I started dating, I knew she was the one. There was no doubt in my mind. Other girls I’d dated, I’d never felt this way. So, I reasoned, “If I know I’m going to be with her forever, why wait until a certain age? Why not start forever now?” Couldn’t this be the same kind of connection that Cyrus has with Hemsworth? Could be. I want it to be.
But, there’s still the “old guy” in me who wants them to wait. I think my wife and I are the exception to the rule. Many young marriages either go belly up, or are just unhappy partnerships. Marriage is an establishment that shouldn’t be taken lightly. Too many are started too quickly and end too suddenly…because it’s easy to do and accepted. If Cyrus and Hemsworth have a long engagement, they’ll make me happy. I think they will learn more about themselves as well as their relationship before jumping in with both feet, but if they decide to go the route of me and my wife, dating a few months, an 18-month engagement, I wish them the same results as ours.
July 23, 2012
July 14, 2012
The Bachelorette and Arranged Marriages
I’m not a fan of the The Bachelor and The Bachelorette shows. I’d watched the first few seasons of the shows. I was intrigued by the concept of falling in love and deciding to spend your life with someone in just a few weeks. But, it seemed that most of these TV relationships had difficulty sustaining the dilemmas of real life. I became a bit bored with the programs and haven’t watched the last few seasons.
But, recently, The Bachelorette has caught my eye. Bachelorette Emily Maynard has been sifting through her swarm of bachelors these past few weeks, eliminating them one-by-one with the hope of finding Mr. Right. But, rumors have cropped up that the real connection she is developing is not with any of the contestants on the show. Rumor has it that she and the programs host, Chris Harrison, have fallen madly in love.
Nothing is confirmed. This is merely speculation at this point. Maynard and Harrison both deny it and insiders who work on the program claim it’s all false and that the two are merely very good friends.
In May, Chris and his wife announced that after 18 years, they were calling it quits. Could it be that all the time around Maynard Harrison realized his true feelings for her and asked for a divorce? Or, could it be that due to the divorce and because Maynard and Harrison are good friends, that the media has created a love story that doesn’t exist? We will all probably know for sure in a few months. But, the situation has made me ponder the spontaneity of love.
The Bachelorette has created a world where love is nearly inevitable (at least temporarily). There are beautiful people, roses, romantic dates, and the promise of a ring. Meals and clothes and excursions are created to get the relationship juices flowing for Maynard and her harem of men. Yet, if the rumors are true, she’s fallen for “the wrong guy”, a married man, the host of the show, none of them men that were hand-picked specifically for her.
What does that tell us? Love can not be designed. It just happens. True love may crop up in the place we least expect it. But, when it does, what do we do? Do we go for it, even if it means ruining a marriage and the disappointing millions of television viewers as well as TV execs and sponsors? Or do we take the path that was created for us? I get a lot of people from the Middle East who ask for relationship advice, who tell me that they are in arranged marriages. I know that these marriages can succeed, but I also understand why the ones that don’t succeed, don’t.
I don’t want to step on any cultural toes, but as a relationship advisor who is not from a culture where arranged marriages are the norm, I feel like parents finding their children’s spouses is not unlike TV producers trying to end their season with a wedding on The Bachelorette. Who knows, maybe the real connection is not between the arranged spouses, but maybe true love lies with the caterer or florist, or even TV show host.
This Bud’s For You
I love this Beer Labelizer site. If you and your partner like to share a brew now and again, or if only your partner appreciates a good beer every now and again, this is a cool site for you.
At BeerLabelizer.com you get to design your own beer label. Why would I post this for romance? Wouldn’t it be more akin to a frat house newsletter? No, because you can make it your own, make it personal, and make it romantic. You can choose from their designs, create your beer’s name and type. You can add a tagline, color and the alcohol content.
It’s simple, free and you just print it up on your printer.
I used this over a year ago. I soaked my wife’s favor beer in water to easily remove the original label. Then I attached my own label that had some lovey-dovey stuff that I will not be sharing with you (thank you very much). And, I stuck them in the fridge. When we had a romantic summer picnic in the backyard, I broke out the ale and she was stunned.
July 13, 2012
The Church Divides Tom and Katie
So, as many of you know actress Katie Holmes has filed from divorce from movie star Tom Cruise. Katie’s not talking about why she is leaving the Mission Impossible star, but there’s speculation that it has something to do with his religion, Scientology. Dateline NBC covered the impeding divorce and former Scientologists spoke about the control of Scientology in their lives.
Evidently, Holmes was raised Catholic and converted after she married Cruise. According to some, the Church of Scientology held “interviews” to find their celebrity spokesman, Tom Cruise, a wife, and Holmes was the chosen one. Scientology members deny that this search ever took place.
No matter, the real story here is one of love versus religion. Many a couple have ended their marriages because of differences in spirituality. Many religions require couples be of the same faith before tying the knot. Holmes would not be the first to convert for her spouse. But, is it a necessity for a couple to have the same spiritual beliefs to have a successful marriage? Are couples of different faith doomed to the same demise as Cruise and Holmes? I say no. Couples can have strong, balanced and fulfilling marriages even with different religious beliefs.
My wife is from a strong religious background and I have my spiritual beliefs, but they don’t jive 100% with her church upbringing. When we married we were told that these differences would drive us apart. That was twenty years ago this month. I have learned from her and she has learned from me. Both of us have moved a bit closer to the other’s beliefs, and the gap that still prevails is where we have some fun at times. Look, I know I won’t change her and she won’t change me. And, neither one of us wants to convince the other to convert, because they would no longer be their true selves. So, we’ve learned to live with our differences: like television shows, food choices and music.
Religion doesn’t have to drive you apart. Faith is supposed to make us stronger. Our beliefs are for us and shouldn’t be forced on our partners. When we feel forced by our partners, we no longer feel like a team, and we an become resentful. Even when we have different beliefs, if we feel accepted by our partner for who we are, love can prevail, and that goes for movie stars, too.
July 6, 2012
Kiss Someone Today…A Lot
It’s International Kissing day… seriously, no kidding. July 6th has traditionally been Kissing day in the UK, but it’s popularity has jumped the pond, and has reached all four corners of the globe. Learn more here (http://www.national-awareness-days.com/international-kissing-day.html).
Back in February, I hosted a kissing contest as a fundraiser for Kidz for a Cure, and the winning couple, Paul Fremeau and Alina Evans landed 258 kisses in sixty seconds. Just this week, Guinness recognized the couple and made it an official world record. Learn more about the couple’s record here.
So, do we really need a day dedicated to kissing? I can’t think of a reason not to. Kissing is a very intimate act that can be shared in public. It can say “hello”, “good-bye”, “feel better”, “thank you”, and “you make me hot”. Why not have a day solely for a simple act that can mean so much? And, as a relationship adviser, I know the importance of daily investments in your relationship, and kisses are a big one.
In my book, The Finance of Romance, I talk about daily financial strategies including using coupons and finding the best gas prices, and compare that to daily relationship investment like saying “I love you” and kissing. We kiss a lot during the first 6 to 18 months of a relationship, but then many couples smooches start to diminish. The Huffington Post reported back in August of last year that one of five couples only kiss once a week, and for 40% of them, the kiss will last less than five seconds. Even during sex, many couples have stopped locking lips.
Remember the days when kissing was the goal, when asking her for a kiss was nerve-racking, when his kiss curled your toes and you told all your friends about it? Can you remember make-out sessions that left you lips numb? Ah, those were the days.
I’m not suggesting you kiss until your lips go numb again, but see if you can land at least 258 kisses today in honor of Fremeau and Evans world record (set in just sixty seconds). The kissing begins…NOW!
July 3, 2012
Third Wheel Bummer
Sarah Symonds was a new name to me until I saw an interview with her on 20/20 this week. She’s known for being “the other woman.” She runs a “Mistresses Anonymous” group for mistresses as well as hosts a TV show in Canada called The Mistress and wrote a book about being that other woman.
She has made a career on being a mistress. or fifteen years, she’s dated high profile, married celebs, and that really bugged me. See, normally I feel that the other woman is not really as responsible for ruining a marriage when it comes to infidelity as the married man. He’s the one who has committed to his wife, not his mistress. Morally, of course, she shouldn’t get involved with a married man, but if he’s willing, it’s his responsibility, not hers.
And, I also understand that sometimes an affair occurs with neither party planning on it. It just happens, but in Symonds’ case, she did it repeatedly…with many married men, for fifteen years…and they were all rich and/or famous. So, it didn’t “just happen.” She specifically looked for married high profile men and pounced. Yes, the men should be strong enough to resist. It’s still their responsibility to their wives, but if she attacked enough men, she was bound to land a few affairs.
The thing is, though, that before I could rip her apart, she admitted that these relationships were dysfunctional. She had no excuses and claimed to be a reformed mistress. Her mission now is to help other women get out of these “third wheel” situations. She sees being a mistress akin to an addiction.
So, why am I talking about her here? Because there were a couple things I found interesting. She said that it’s in a man’s DNA to cheat. I don’t like hearing that, but I understand what she means. Another way to put it is that primitive man was driven to propagate the species which meant having multiple partners. Although as a culture we have decided that monogamy is best, often men have to fight their physiology to make that happen. She gave this advice to married women, “Act like you are his mistress.” And, I agree with that wholeheartedly. If you have an affair with your partner, you keep the excitement alive and keep each other from straying. I wrote this piece specifically on that.
When it comes down to it, just be strong in your resolve to remain loyal to your partner as well as keep the passion fresh.
July 1, 2012
What Would You Choose?
I thought speed-dating was dating on steroids, but Fox has a new dating show out called The Choice, which they unapologetically stole from NBC’s The Voice (with celebs, spinning chairs and making decisions sans visuals…the whole nine) that is like speed-dating on crack after steroids.
I guess is trying to bring back the dating show. It comes and goes. Remember The Dating Game, and Love Connection and Studs? Well, then dating TV got serious (not really) with reality shows like The Bachelor, Rock of Love and (my fave) Flavor of Love. Now, we are back to the game show feel what with George Lopez and his Take Me Out on Fox, also.
The Choice takes four celebrities and allows them to listen to a single man or woman rattle off their resume in 15 seconds or so. In that a celeb can choose this person. If more than one choose them, that person gets to choose h celeb they are interested in. When a celeb has three of these singles in their harem, they are out of the running until all four have a harem of three, at which point the celebs are in control and get to narrow their selections to two and finally one.
It’s face-paced and adrenaline pumped. The couples go out on a date that we don’t hear about until the next week (a 20 second recap). It looks fun, but a real dating show? No way. It gives B stars a chance to get more screen time while giving god-looking singles their 15 minutes of fame and a chance of being “discovered.”
You really want to meet someone, try the laundromat!
