Leon Scott Baxter's Blog, page 25

Say It Ain’t So

My faith in Hollywood marriages is marginal at best, but relationships like Rhea Perlman’s and Danny DeVitos left a glimmer of hope in my eyes. The diminutive Hollywood twosome has been a force to reckon with for thirty years of [image error]marriage. From their beginnings on the TV show Taxi, to establishing their own production company and parenting three children, these two appeared to most as the ultimate Hollywood couple, the ones who would beat the odds. Guess what… the house always wins!

That’s right, Danny and Rhea are separating and heading for divorce. Apparently, the two haven’t been happy for a decade in their marriage and Rhea is sick of Danny’s wandering eye and flirtatious ways. According to sources close to the couple, it’s more than flirting and looking. Danny has cheated on Rhea over the years, and she’s fed up with it.

Having power and and money seems to do this to some people, many of whom are Hollywood members. They feel they are invincible and deserve to get what they want, even at the expense of their partner’s feelings and eventually at the expense of their relationship.

What can we learn from this latest Hollywood marriage casualty? First, we need to figure out how to make our relationships exciting and romantic enough not to go elsewhere. Second, we need to realize that fortune, fame and power really doesn’t change the fact that we are just people. It gives us no right to use and hurt other people. And, third, even short, funny-looking, 67 year old men can get action if he’s worked with Arnold Schwarzenegger.

I Messed Up Bad

ADLW Day #7: Take the Challenge

[image error]I am married to a wonderful woman. Our relationship is nearly perfect. But, we’ve been married for 20 years; the fizzle is bound to subside a bit. That’s why a few Januaries back I created a challenge for myself. I’d read somewhere that if you can do anything for a year, you make it habit. So, I created the “52-Week Challenge.”

It’s a simple concept: I create, find, or steal a list of 60 or more romantic ideas and implement one a week for a year (I chose more than 52 in so I could have options at the end).

First, I needed to create the list. I came up with ideas on my own. Then I started Googling romantic ideas and adding some of what I found to my list, easy stuff as well as things that take more work (wash her car, give her a surprise party, back massage, go out dancing, sunset walk on the beach, weekend trip to Vegas, etc…). Let me tell you now, the more expansive the list, the easier the challenge is.

Weeks one through 15 went smoothly, but that’s because I’d chosen all of the “easy” things from my list. When I got to the middle of the year, it got harder, because the items took more work and because the novelty was wearing thin (my wife was loving it, by the way), but I knew if I kept at it, it would become habit.

Sure enough, by week 40 I really didn’t even need to use the list. Ideas were popping into my head and it was becoming second-nature for me to do something special for my wife each week. And, by year’s end it was habitual.

Take the “52-Week Challenge” yourself and there’s no way you’ll be visiting a divorce lawyer in the near future..

If you want more on the 52-Week challenge, check out this four-minute video.

ADLW Day #6: When Having an Affair Is Good

[image error]I’ll admit it. I’ve never had an extramarital affair. the closest I have come was in college when I was dating a girl who studies abroad for a year in England. We had one of those “open relationships”. I took advantage of it, dated another girl, and eventually fell in love with her and married her… not technically cheating, though, right?

Anyway, I am going to advocate that if your relationship is losing its steam, go on and have an affair… with your partner. That’s right, not an extramarital affair, but a marital affair.

What? Doesn’t sound as exciting as you had hoped? Don’t blame me! Look, people have affairs because the excitement in their relationships have fizzled. They want that passion back, so they find someone else and suddenly Mother Nature is giving them the hormones and brain chemicals they remember when they first started dating. It’s a rush. It’s a high. It’s exciting and they love it! Problem is, though, they probably don’t love the person they are cheating with.

The great thing about affairs is the incredible sex, the passion and the excitement. On the “con” side, you are cheating on someone you care about, you may ruin your relationship, the “high” will eventually subside, and you are not in love!

What if we could have incredible sex, be excited, and keep the passion without hurting the person you care about, without ruining your relationship and you do it with someone you already love? Well, that’s what I’m proposing.

Treat your relationship like an affair. That means, get up and do things. People who cheat go on trips. They go out to dinner. They attend concerts. Also, use your bed for more than sleeping. Infidelity is synonymous with having sex. So, up the quantity, the quality and try new positions and locations. Finally, make yourself presentable. When you are prepping for an evening with your “lover” you shave, do your hair and make-up, put on cologne or perfume. you Shower and put on something a bit better than your Homer Simpson t-shirt and sweats. And, don’t forget about your undergarments. Clean would be good. New would be better. Sexy would be best.

I know. I can already hear you: “All of this takes too much work, effort and time. Who would invest so much for a fake affair?” I’ll tell you who: someone who is cheating on his partner. Look, if you are going to spend the time, effort and energy to rediscover passion and excitement with someone you don’t love, might as well invest the same with your partner, get back the passion and excitement, as well as making your partner happy and keeping your relationship together. I’m just saying.

This is probably the only affair that will help you avoid a divorce lawyer.

Need more specifics on having a marital affair? Check out this four-minute video.

ADLW Day #5: Playing Hooky

I never did it at school… nope. Never. Not once. Yes, I was a goody-goody. I didn’t see the point to playing hooky at school. I did well in class and I liked the social aspects of school. Besides, I didn’t want to find myself in hot water with my teachers, principal or parents.

But, I have played hooky from work… yep. Plenty of times. When I was young, I’d call in if I wasn’t in the mood, if the weather was too beautiful to miss out on a beach day, if I’d stayed up too late the night before. And, I didn’t have to worry about my teachers, principal or parents.

It was my bosses I was concerned about. But, I never got caught. I was a responsible employee. I had perfected my “sick voice”. And, I didn’t play hooky often. All of this has helped me later in life when I started playing hooky, not for going to bed too later or heading to the beach, but for having a day alone with my wife.

I tell couples all the time, to pick a hooky day, a day where both people can afford to miss a day of work. Put it on the calendars. Do whatever you need to do at work to prepare, then ask for the day off, call in sick, or do whatever it takes to have that day with your partner.

Hooky days are great because you feel like you are being extra naughty. The world is a different place when you are with your partner on a work day. If you’ve pulled the wool over your boss’ eyes, I don’t suggest you parade around in town. Either go out of town and spend the day together, or stay home and be stay in your pajamas and order Chinese.

Whatever you do, though, don’t announce your hooky day or post pictures on Facebook. that can get back to the boss.

What hooky days do for your relationship, is that they strengthen the resolve that your relationship is a priority. Be sure you don’t use the day for catching up on emails or watching a ball game. It’s a day you’ve been gifted to focus on one another.

Play hooky together and you’ll probably be able to avoid a divorce lawyer.

Want more details on playing hooky? Check out this three-minute video.

ADLW Day #4: Consoli-Dating

[image error]Aren’t I clever, what with my play on words… consoli-dating? Yes, I made it up, but it’s a simple concept. Most couples who’ve been together for awhile have difficulty finding time for one another. Life gets in the way: work, the kids, house chores, paying bills, going to the gym, etc… When can you ever squeeze in time for your partner?

The problem with this is that since we’ve landed a spouse we assume that the relationship will take care of itself. We take it for granted. It moves lower on our priority lists, so we neglect it in a sense, focusing on the things we think need our attention most, when in reality, our relationships certainly deserve that attention.

What I propose is killing two birds with one romantic stone. If you have things you must do, do them, but figure out a way to do them with your partner in a fun way. Gotta take a shower? Lather up with your partner. You get clean and you spend some quality naked time together.

Need a work-out? Take a hike with your spouse. A good hike can be a great work-out, but you also get the opportunity to spend time alone with your better half.

Dinner needs to be cooked? Turn on some French music. Put your own spin on a recipe. Make a romantic meal and feed one another.

Consoli-Date and you are better prepared to avoid a divorce lawyer.

Want more on condoli-dating suggestions? Check out this three-minute video.

ADLW Day #3: Relationship Resolutions

[image error]I know. It’s October and I am already talking about resolutions, right?. Well, here’s the skinny about resolutions; they don’t have to be tied in to the New Year. Most of us think we can only make promises to ourselves on January first, but the truth is, we can resolve to make our lives or the lives of others better any day of the year.

And, I am going to challenge you to make a relationship resolution. But, before you jump in with both feet all gun-ho, you need to realize that the folks who make New Year’s resolutions aren’t doing such a hot job. Half of them have thrown in the towel within a month and by year’s end only 8% of folks can keep their resolution. So, if you want to take on this challenge, you need to know a few things:

1) Write down the resolution. The act of writing it down solidifies it and makes it easier to achieve.

2) Make it attainable. Don’t make a resolution that is too far out of reach.

3) Be willing to be flexible. If you realize your resolution isn’t working, instead of giving up, just make a few tweaks and stick with it.

Now that you know how to keep a resolution, I want you to make one focused on your relationship, something you both can work on together to make things stroger foryou as a pair.

If you can make and keep a relationship resolution, you have a much better chance of avoiding a divorce lawyer down the road.

Want specific ideas for relationship resolutions or the method to create on together? Check out this four-minute video.

ADLW Day #2: Bring Back the Thrill (Rides)

[image error]Relationships can be very thrilling, but if we stick around long enough, the thrills generally diminish, and we’re left with a hum-drum, “old married couple” existence. There’s an easy way to bring those thrills back…go on thrill rides together.

I kid you not. Pack up the car (without the kids) and head over to your local Six Flags or county fair and get an all-day pass for the most exciting rides they have to offer. When you share rides that drop you 1000 feet or spin you upside down at 435 miles per hour, you experience perceived danger. That means you are safe, yet you are releasing adrenaline with your partner. That going to get your heart racing, connect the two of you as well as increase your libidos. It’s a win-win-win situation.

After a ride you’ll find yourselves laughing together more, communicating, making more eye contact, and just enjoying the release of endorphins. The nice thing is, you also have created a shared experience that only you two have lived, so you can bring these moments back up and relive them bring the excitement back, long after you’ve driven home from the park.

Share some thrill rides and you are on the road to avoiding a divorce lawyer.

Want more on bringing the thrill (rides) back to your relationship? Check out this three-minute video.

ADLW Day #1: Valentine’s Day in October

Valentine’s Day is overrated. It’s become too commercialized. Women expect a fairytale day and men fear February 14th as if it were the day they were getting a vasectomy. Society and[image error] media tell us that we must be romantic on this one day out of the year, regardless of your physical health, if you have work to do, what kind of mood you are in or what your finances are. So, we get half a billion people buying bouquets of red roses at inflated prices and fighting for reservations at crowded dimly-lit bistros. Really? This is romantic?

I’m suggesting you have Valentine’s Day this month. Why? Because you get to choose. Celebrate when you have the time (a day off or the weekend). You don’t have the rush of everyone else making dinner reservations or charging $72 for a dozen flowers. You can do it when you are both in the mood and when you are both feeling well.

And, the truth is, you don’t even have to follow the “Valentine’s Day Rules”. If you want to have a Valentine’s Day BBQ or plant a Valentine’s Day garden, or play a game of Valentine’s Tennis (score: love/love), go for it. Make it your own! Celebrate your love for one another based on what love means to you, not what Hallmark or Modern Family tells you.

Create Valentine’s Day in October and you are on your way to avoiding a divorce lawyer.

Want more on Valentine’s Day in October? Check out this five-minute video.

 

What’s Your Pleasure?

[image error]It’s not too late. September is “Pleasure Your partner” Month. That means you still have a few days left to make your partner look like Meg Ryan here on the right, in When Harry Met Sally, unless of course, your partner is a guy, and you’ll have to find your own orgasm face online. The big difference though is that Sally was faking orgasm, and you want to offer the real thing.

Pleasuring your partner can be achieved in many ways. I don’t think I need to list them all here, but when we think of pleasuring them, we’re generally talking sexually. Why is pleasuring your partner sexually so important to your relationship? Sex is generally an activity couples share a lot at the beginning of their relationships, but as time goes on and we become comfortable and complacent in our relationships, the novelty, excitement and passion tend to wear off. That leads to a decrease in sex.

Many couples think that it’s normal and fill their time with other things. Although Farmville and Dancing With the Stars can kill some time, being intimate with your partner actually connects you on a hormonal level. It makes you feel desired again, and the interesting thing is that once you start sharing intimacy more often, you desire it more. Oxytocin levels increase. Many couples rediscover that passion and excitement they had when they first started dating. And, that can lead to falling in love all over again.

Can you believe it? Falling in love all over again, because you snuck in a little partner pleasuring at the end of September. Not a bad gig.