Leon Scott Baxter's Blog, page 36

Not Over Her Ex

How Do I Know?

Having a Ball on Christmas Day

A lot of guys' lives revolve around football this time of year. I like the sport, but really I'm a basketball fan, and due to the NBA lock-out I've been going through hoop-withdrawls these last five months…until now!

It was announced this month that the owners and players have agreed upon a tentative plan to get the ball rolling again, which means there will (probably) be a 2011-2012 b-ball season after all. The season will be shortened to 66 games instead of 82 and it will start with a triple-header on Christmas Day.

And, that is precisely why I am writing this today, because I know that I am not the only guy out there who is looking forward to Christmas for more than a new electric razor and a tie. I can't wait for the triple header. I know it's four weeks ago, but I already envision getting an early start on getting the kids to open their gifts from the fat man (that's not me, by the way) and then me sitting on the sofa, wrapping paper scattered about, relaxing with a cup of eggnog watching Boston vs. New York, Miami vs. Dallas, and The Lakers vs. Chicago.

Can you feel my excitement? Can you tell this is big to me? Well, I am sharing this with you, because when my wife allows me to watch these three games on Christmas Day, when she doesn't guilt me into fixing this or making that, when she gives me space and time on such a sacred day, I feel loved by the woman. I feel cared for. And, that, my friends is romance. yes, allowing a guy to watch a game (or three) can be very romantic. He will appreciate you and what you've done for him. It's an act of love to him.

So, ladies, please see it that way, as an act of love, as romance. Romance is just making your partner feel loved and cared for, and for many guys that means freedom to enjoy sports. It may not feel like romance to you, but it does to him, and that's really all that matters in romance, how it makes your partner feels.

Go Lakers!

Love Poem

Thankful for Disney Kisses

So, it's Thanksgiving morning and I'm watching Disney movies with my eight-year old daughter, while Mom sleeps (she went to bed at 2am this morning, prepping for today's big meal). So, we watch Shrek, Sleeping Beauty and Snow White. And, my girl notices that they all have one thing in common (other than princesses), a magical kiss. Shrek's kiss frees Fiona from the spell as does Belle's kiss for the Beast. And, in Snow White, the Prince's kiss brings Snow White back to life.

So, I'm about to tell my little girl that there's no real magic in a kiss. I mean one kiss can't change anyone's life. It can't transform the rest of one's life, no matter how much you love someone. Yet, before I open my dream-crushing mouth, I think back to the first kiss I laid on my wife twenty years ago. It was Valentine's Day and looking back, it truly was magical.

I didn't bring her back from the dead, nor did she transform from hideous monster to gorgeous princess. But, it changed my life forever. I knew at that moment that I was truly in love. I know, sounds hoakie enough to be a Disney movie, but that kiss did transform my life (and I'd like to think it transformed hers, too).

I guess a kiss can solidify a relationship and change the paths of a couple's life if true love is the root of said kiss.

When Mom woke up, she told me she was heading off for a run. She peeked her head into my office and said "Bye, see you soon," and headed out. I called back, "What, no kiss?" Smiling she returned and kissed me goodbye for the 23,673rd time. I'm fortunate that we have lived happily ever after so far, and it's what I am thankful for this Thanksgiving.

Is More Really Better?

Looks like polygamy has become vogue, in fashion now with the reality show "Sister Wives" and the TV series, "Big Love" being so accepted into pop culture. Yes, it is illegal to be married to multiple partners. So, why are these people openly breaking the law on TV? I don't know, but it's not unlike folks who appear on TV talking about, or even, smoking pot or snorting coke or even shooting up on camera in reality shows, Dateline, and the like. Polygamy has seems to have taken that route; it's illegal, but we're going to do it openly on TV. The plural marriage on "Sister Wives" was forced to move states for fear of prosecution when state officials finally decided to crack down.

So, what am I doing talking about it? Here's my take. First, I don't believe that one person can truly love multiple spouses. I feel that love is the strongest feeling you have felt for another, and the odds that you feel that same exact level for more than one person is astronomical. So, could be these men are confused about what real love is. Maybe they are fooling themselves and just saying that they love each wife the same so that everyone will feel accepted.

But, just because I don't think it makes for the best of relationships, who am I to judge and say to them they can't do it? Here's the deal: I don't understand the government telling folks that they can't marry more than one person. I know I wouldn't do it. And, like I said, it's not conducive to the best balanced relationships, but does that make it illegal? I know some would argue that it's morally wrong, and others would argue that it goes against their religion. I get that, too, but how do morals and religion make something illegal. Aren't we supposed to be separating Church from State?

If the husband and the wives are all in agreement, if no one is being forced, if no one is being hurt, then why should we govern what couples (or multiples) do to express their love for one another? Of course one could argue that men like Warren Jeffs use polygamy to take advantage of underage girls. Of course, but that could also happen in a monogamous relationship. I don't think polygamy is the cause for sexual assault. There are bad seeds in every walk of life.

I'd like someone to explain to me why polygamy should be illegal. Because, to be perfectly honest, I don't get it. I don't know who it hurts and who it protects. If couples who want to have multiple marriages followed the law, but also followed their hearts, couldn't they still live together, procreate with one another, and live virtually married lives without the ceremony? That would protect them legally, but change nothing. I don't get it. Enlighten me.

Can Love Really Conquer All?

Ten months ago Congresswoman Gabby Giffords was shot in her head from a distance of three feet. Her brain injury was one that only 10% of people survive. Not only has the Congresswoman survived, but her story was aired this week on TV and we saw that Giffords is walking, talking, smiling and even singing. And, by hr side the entire time has been her astronaut hubby, Mark Kelly.

Kelly has been an integral part of his wife's healing process. She's fiddled with his wedding ring, has remembered their first date, and he's pushed her the way no one else has been able to.

Having a strong and loving relationship is wonderful for those of us who experience it, but look at what else it can do for us. Our partner, the person we love and respect and would do anything for, can help us out of our deepest holes. That's an incredibly important connection to have, if ever we find ourselves in Giffords' shoes.

Studies have shown that interpersonal relationships affect us more than just emotionally. They can invigorate, inspire and apparently even heal. If you have a partner, foster that relationship with them. It will help your life today, but could affect you in ways you never would imagine tomorrow.

Enough for Four Basketball Teams

Jim Bob and Michelle Duggars of TLC's 19 Kids and Counting announced this week that Michelle is expecting baby number 20 in April. Wow! Amazing! Giving birth to 20 kids! Admirable, and great television. Doctors are concerned for her health though and that of the baby due to her age and the wearing out of her uterus.

My concern is for that relationship, between Michelle and Jim Bob. If you have twenty children, that means your entire life revolves around parenthood. Being a parent is a wonderful experience and is fulfilling and rewarding. But, the relationship between Mom and Dad needs to be nurtured and worked on. Most parents go through a loss of connectivity in the early stages of parenthood, but as Baby becomes more independent, they can start to work on their relationship again.

But when all you do is raise children, how can you focus on your marriage? I know, what if they are satisfied with just parenting and that's how they connect as a couple? isn't that okay? Sure…until the kids leave the nest. because once the Duggars are left home without a baby to diaper or a kid to drive to soccer practice, they'll be left with just each other. And, the person they have been spending their lives with they only know as the "other parent." And, when there's no child to parent, how will they interact with one another?

These two need to figure out how they can squeeze out time for one another if they plan on being a couple one day and not just a couple of live-in nannies.

I Do More Than You

Cain in the Neck?

So, what, is it a pre-requisite that all male politicians must now be go outside their marriages to get into, or stay in, office? You got Clinton, Schwazzeneggar, Weiner, Strauss-Kahn, and now Herman Cain. I know, if it's true, it happened years ago, right? But, look, it's affecting him now!

Here's the skinny. I don't care if you don't plan on running for President of the United States one day or not. It doesn't matter. Do the right thing! Don't hit on maids at your hotel. Don't use a cigar as a love toy with your intern. Don't father a child with your housekeeper. And, don't put your hand up the skirt of the woman you are next to if (and it's a big "if") you are married!

See, politician or not, if you are married, don't go chasing (and in some instances, catching) other women. Should these men be elected into, or stay in, office? Does it mean that they would be poor leaders? I don't know. Some would say their marriage and sexual life is separate from their political careers. Others would say if he cheated on his wife and pushed himself on another woman, who's to say he would cheat on his constituents and push himself aggressively on others in office?

Really, what it comes down to for these men, is their relationships at home. What is i about power and the need to have your sexual cake and eat it, too? Does being a politician make men this way or do men with the propensity to cheat on their spouses make good politicians? I don't know the answer to that.

But I do know that if you decide to cheat because you think t will never catch up to you in your career, you may be right, but it will absolutely catch up to you in your relationship with your partner. And, when it comes to yuor last day on earth of what will be your last thoughts: your job or your marriage?