Leon Scott Baxter's Blog, page 35

This Brand Was In Debt

After only a little over a year of marriage singer Katie Perry and and comedian Russell Brand are calling it quits. Perry claimed she never saw it coming, referring to Brand asking for a divorce. Here's the thing, though. This couple, like so many high-profile pairs, was in relationship debt, and never became debt-free, which ate away at their marriage, causing relationship bankruptcy.

If you've got a 22% credit card debt and you only pay the minimum balance each month, because you are trying to build wealth by stashing aside some cash into your mutual fund that's returning 7% interest, you are losing ground fast. Before you invest and can move ahead, you need to get yourself out of the financial hole you are in first. Forget the 7% mutual fund, until you've dealt with the 22% debt!

In August of 2011, Us Weekly published a piece about how romantic the two were at the VMAs when Perry won a couple of awards. And, I don't doubt it, but there was already debt in the relationship, so this display of romaticism, was like putting a bandaid on a wound that required stitches. I mean in November of last year, Brand posted a video of him before he headed off to do comedy at some universities and joked about removing his wedding ring so he could bed some coeds. That's the debt. It was there before November, and it hadn't been dealt with.

Band had not gotten over sleeping with other women. It was something he was used to and enjoyed. I'm sure he thought once marrying Perry he would be over sleeping wit other women, but when he found he wasn't the couple had to deal with it.

You can't ignore the debt. It doesn't go away. And you can't fix it by investing elsewhere, by trying to be romantic in other capacities. It's a waste of time and effort. If you don't deal with the debt, your relationship will all into recession. Don't believe me, ask Kobe, Arnold, Tiger, Ashton and if you need more referrals, just let me know. I've got a huge list of ths who have claimed chapter 11 in love.

Long-Distance Love

His Buddy Is Driving Us Apart

Howie Mandel Mobs Again

I just finished watching Howie Mandel's TV show Mobbed. I know…it was aired last night, but I recorded it, and I'll be honest, I was riveted. I couldn't pull myself away from the program. It was like watching a car skidding out of control in slow motion, and you knew it would either crash into that 150 year old oak tree in front of it, or it was going to stop unscathed in dramatic fashion.

See, the show's premise is that someone contacts Howie's production company with something they want to reveal to someone else, and Howie gets a mob to help this person reach their goal with an over-the-top musical number with a cast of hundreds.

So this guy asks Howie to help him tell this girl he wants to take it to the next level in their relationship. See, the thing is, they don't really have a relationship. They've known each other five years, but have never met: phone calls, presumedly Skype, texting, email, and the like. But, Dude is head-over-heels in love with her, and wants to move across country so he can get to know her face-to-face. She, on the other hand, is signing up for dating services and says she likes tattooed bad-boys. The guy who loves her is an un-inked, good-boy. So, this has disaster written all over it. But, Howie and his producers do something that is ingenious. There's no doubt that these two have a connection, but I'm not so sure it's romantic on her end.

Yet, Howie's staff taps into the little romance that might be lingering. This "couple" share a hankering for the film Big Fish. And, there's a scene in it with a sea of daffodils and both the guy and the gal have shared that they love this scene and that they think it's romantic. So, a part of this production will be recreating that sea of daffodils with 300 people.

Her's the deal. I doon't think this young lady has been thinking that she wants to be with this guy for the last five years, as he has been thinkning about her, but when she sees this number, this production this over the top Hollywood display of romanticism, when she conencts this sea of daffodils with the romance in one of her favorite movies, she will be forced to associate this guy with the incredible romantic feelings she has when she watches Big Fish. This will usher her out of the real world and place her in the world of that film, a world where roamnce is perfect, and no matter how she felt aboutthis guy beforehand, with the music, dancing, the mob, the camera,s and the flowers, how will se be able to resist? Suddenly she will have become a character in a scene from romantic Hollywood film, and those characters always say, "yes" when the guy springs something like his on them.

You want to see what happens? Head over to Fox's websitea nd watch for yourself. But, I do want to tell you, that no matter what you think of someone you meet online, no matter how long you've chatted with them, Skyped them, exchanged pics, if that's the level you are going to keep the relationship, fine.

But, if you ever want to go to the next level where you actually spend time together in a shared physical space, don't make a committment until you have had plenty of time together. What you miss from real-life interaction is the way they eat, their gait wihen they walk, the smell of their deodorant (or lack thereof). Those litle nuances take you from a surface level relationship to one that is deeper.

I have people asking my advise all the time with regard to proposing to someone they have met online. If they plan to be married and keep their relationship electronic, go for it. But, if they plan on having a conventional wedding and marriage where they love together, they'll need a good 12 months of a connection away from technology before tehy even think about tying the knot, or even asking Howie Mandel to make a field of flowers out of people.

Be One of the Eight Percent!

We had a New year's Eve party the other night. Had a bunch of families over. The adults played cards and the kids played board games. As we grew closer to 2012, we started talking about our New Year's Resolutions. And, in walked one of the kids. Someone asked her what her resolution was for 2012. As she thought about it, her mom told her, "Don't make a resolution."

"Why not?" asked the daughter.

"Because no one ever keeps them."

I yelled out, "Don't listen to her. Be part of the 8%!"

The mom was pretty close to being right. By February 50% of resolutions have already gone out the window, and by year's end only 8% keep their resolutions. Experts all over the media tell us not to make them, since it's setting us up for failure. But, I adamantly disagree.

Look, a resolution is nothing but a is nothing more than a decision to do or not to do something. It's that easy. I decide not to smoke any more. I decide to give more to charity. Resolutions generally are good things. They often are decisions we make to help ourselves or others, to make our lives or a part of the world better.

Of course, I'm a huge advocate of the relationship resolution, where couples decide to make their relationships stronger, balanced and healthy. One of the ways I help couples with this is via my 52-Week Challenge. If you can do anything for a year, it becomes habitual. If you are interested in working on your relationship this year, why not resolve to complete the challenge as a couple?

Here's the reason why only 8 out of 100 people can keep their resolutions. They don't know how to make them. I'm going to give you a crash course in resolution success:

1. Be specific about what you want. Don't say "I'm going be more romantic with my spouse." Say, "I am going to give my spouse more hugs and kisses."

2. Give yourself a time frame. "I resolve to give my spouse 5 hugs and kisses each day."

3. Write it down. Seventy percent of us won't write down our resolutions. As a result, it's easier to let the resolution slide if it's not down in ink.

4. Revisit it regularly. It's important to go back and remind yourself what your goal was for the year.

5. Give yourself some wiggle room. If you realize that your resolution wasn't realistic, instead of 86ing it, just tweak it. Try, three kisses and hugs instead of five.

6. Don't wait for New Year's. If you have a goal for yourself don't wait until January 1st. that's just an excuse to keep doing what you are trying to change. You can create a Valentine's Day Resolution, an Arbor Day Resolution, or a Thursday resolution. Just be string and keep it. You'll be glad you did.

The Chocolate Tasting Club

I wish I had thought of it, but I didn't. For Christmas, my wife received a monthly subscription to The Chocolate Tasting Club from my mother. My wife loves chocolate and this club delivers incredibly delicious chocolates each month.

In her first shipment, my wife opened a box full of sweet morsels (some with liqueur, not recommended for children) with explanations for each sweet as well as a rating sheet. It also came with an ornately designed dark chocolate bar that my wife thinks looks too fancy to eat, as well as a bag of caramel and chocolate shavings to make hot chocolate.

The website reads: Here's your chance to try some of the most exciting and delicious chocolates being made today. Created fresh from authentic ingredients with passion and flair by an elite cadre of master chocolatiers, our exquisite assortments could change your perception of chocolates forever.

The introductory box will set you back about twenty bucks and each shipment thereafter runs about $40.

Not So Last-Minute Gifts

Looking for a unique Christmas gift to give to your husband/wife or boyfriend/girlfriend this holiday season? 

Try CreativeRomanticGifts.com. This is a great "fall-back" site when you can't think of anything romantic to give. The offer specific holiday gifts for this time of the year. The gifts aren't incredible original, but still very romantic and memorable.

People love gifts that have been personalized just for them. It shows that you took a little more time to think about their gift and offers a chance to write out how you feel about them. CreativeRomanticGifts.com offers gifts that people will receive, greatly enjoy and hold on to as a special memory. 

I personally like the Key To My Heart for $40 and Romantic Notes for $30. Both of these include personalization from you. All personalized gift items are shipped USPS Priority Mail to arrive to your destination within approximately 2 – 3 business days after processing. Please allow just one day for processing. 

Free Wedding, No Need For Wedding Dress

Are you an engaged couple? Do you want to get hitched on Valentine's Day, 2012? How about if the dream wedding costs you nada, and you get four free nights at a Jamaican resort? And, it will all be aired on "a top-rated show on a major documentary network." Sounds pretty good, eh? Oh yeah, and there's the little part about you having to be naked for your nuptials. So, you may not want to invite Uncle Orville.

It's true, though, according the Hedonism II, the clothing-optional couples resort in Negril, Jamaica that thrice hosted the "World's Largest Nude Wedding" is asking couples looking to exchange vows in an au natural ceremony to apply confidentially by January 6, 2012. Up to 10 couples will be chosen to star in the cable television program, and receive a complimentary Dream Wedding and four-night stay at Hedonism II.

Will being married nude in front of millions of folks via TV and the internet affect your marriage?  Truthfully, I don't think so. But, I do believe that many who would choose this type of wedding to be on the exhibitionist side of the spectrum, and sometimes these folks have difficulty staying true to their partners, because they seek the attention of others. That being said, naked wedding or not, they would have trouble regardless. If this thing floats your boat, here's the link, but get on it right away. There's only about a week left to sign up and they're only choosing ten couples max. Good luck.

Married couples: if you could get married all over again in a tropical setting with the tab taken care of, but you'd have to do it in your birthday suit for the world to see, would you do it? What do you think your partner would say?

Kobe Bryant: MVP (Made Vanessa Pissed)

Really, there's only so much a person can take. Vanessa Bryant, Lakers' star Kobe Bryant's wife, has filed for divorce from the NBA All-Star. Why, because too much is enough. She's caught him with multiple women over the years, but his latest ("very recent") indiscretion was the straw that broke the camel's back.

Thing is she says she still loves him. Can you love someone and divorce them? Absolutely. When the pain of the infidelity outweighs the joy of love, it's time to cut your losses and move on. Tiger Woods' ex, Elin Nordegren, Sandra Bullock, and Maria Shriver all became fed up and moved on.

But why did they stay so long if they knew their men were unfaithful? Sometimes it's easy to overlook the cheating when there are fringe benefits: money, fame, gifts and being part of a "power couple." But, there comes a time when no matter how many red carpet events you attend, how big the diamonds are, and how many private trips to Europe you go on, that you find what you really need, and that's a strong, healthy and balanced relationship with your partner.

Yes, the celebrity is something we want, but ultimately, no matter what we tell ourselves, the core of  who we are eventually desires what we need, and that's trust, and love.

In no way am I alluding that any of these women married for money or fame, but those were benefits of their marriages that eventually meant nothing. If you are marrying for something other than love, you may get what you want, but eventually you will discover that you are lacking what you need, and you will find yourself unhappy. My suggestion: marry for love and if your partner cheats, call him on it, and consider a second chance. If he walks the straight and narrow, you may be able to pull a Bill and Hilary, but if he doesn't send him packing.

 

Don't Make Promises You Can't Keep

So, last week, I'm watching The X Factor, and I see a devastated 13-year old, Rachel Crow, get voted off the show. She slumps to the stage floor when she hears the news and sobs uncontrollably. Her mother, worried about her daughter, rushes to the stage to console the child. And, between the sobs, Rachel looks her mom in the eye and proclaims, "Mommy, you promised me," almost accusingly.

In an interview later, Rachel said she was referring to the promise her mother had made that everything would be okay. Personally, I have a feeling it was something else her mother promised. What? I don't know. Maybe that she wouldn't have been voted off that night, maybe that she would be the grand prize winner of the competition. But, looking at the teen's eyes when she told her mom that she had promised her, didn't appear to be a plea that all would be okay.

The thing is, promises are tricky things. They sound good coming out, but if you can't back them up, you lose lots of credibility. Even if Rachel's mom had promised her she would win The X Factor, Rachel is old enough and appears bright enough to have known that her mom has no control over the competition. Yet, if she said those words, when they don't come true, Rachel's frustration has to be focused somewhere, so she looks at the person whose promise was broken.

In our love relationships, we need to be careful what we promise. Yes, when we get married and say our vows, those are promises that we hope to keep, yet many cannot. But, that's part of the risk we take in love. But, after the wedding vows, we need to be careful not to make promises we can't keep. Saying, "I promise, it's all going to be fine," or "You'll get another job, I promise," or "She'll survive. I promise," can be very dangerous, because if it doesn't turnout okay, or they don't get another job, or she doesn't survive, not only will your partner be heart-broken, but that anger and frustration could be aimed at you, since you made the promise.

Instead of promising things you have no control of, support your partner with statements more like, "I will be here for you," or, "We've been through worse," or "I understand your fear." That way you won't end up on national TV confronted with a broken promise, tears and Simon Cowell.