Don't Make Promises You Can't Keep

So, last week, I'm watching The X Factor, and I see a devastated 13-year old, Rachel Crow, get voted off the show. She slumps to the stage floor when she hears the news and sobs uncontrollably. Her mother, worried about her daughter, rushes to the stage to console the child. And, between the sobs, Rachel looks her mom in the eye and proclaims, "Mommy, you promised me," almost accusingly.

In an interview later, Rachel said she was referring to the promise her mother had made that everything would be okay. Personally, I have a feeling it was something else her mother promised. What? I don't know. Maybe that she wouldn't have been voted off that night, maybe that she would be the grand prize winner of the competition. But, looking at the teen's eyes when she told her mom that she had promised her, didn't appear to be a plea that all would be okay.

The thing is, promises are tricky things. They sound good coming out, but if you can't back them up, you lose lots of credibility. Even if Rachel's mom had promised her she would win The X Factor, Rachel is old enough and appears bright enough to have known that her mom has no control over the competition. Yet, if she said those words, when they don't come true, Rachel's frustration has to be focused somewhere, so she looks at the person whose promise was broken.

In our love relationships, we need to be careful what we promise. Yes, when we get married and say our vows, those are promises that we hope to keep, yet many cannot. But, that's part of the risk we take in love. But, after the wedding vows, we need to be careful not to make promises we can't keep. Saying, "I promise, it's all going to be fine," or "You'll get another job, I promise," or "She'll survive. I promise," can be very dangerous, because if it doesn't turnout okay, or they don't get another job, or she doesn't survive, not only will your partner be heart-broken, but that anger and frustration could be aimed at you, since you made the promise.

Instead of promising things you have no control of, support your partner with statements more like, "I will be here for you," or, "We've been through worse," or "I understand your fear." That way you won't end up on national TV confronted with a broken promise, tears and Simon Cowell.