Leon Scott Baxter's Blog, page 29

Fill Up Your Partner’s Tank

This is a brand new service. I just learned about it a few days ago. It’s in the beta stage, but I love the premise and wanted to share it with you. Although Lovetanks is in the testing stage, it is open for couples to use. That means you get to be some of the first to try it. They assure me that over the coming weeks more features will be added. So, what is Lovetanks? This is how they explain it:

Lovetanks is a tool to help couples develop open, meaningful expressions of love. In a relationship, both people’s core needs are the same: to be loved and heard. But the way those needs are expressed and met varies widely from person to person, because each person is geared to receive love in many different ways.

That’s where Lovetanks comes in. Here, you can create a “tank” for each expression of love that you prefer to receive. Each tank helps you gauge your desires and helps your significant other learn how to fill your tanks. When a tank is low, your significant other is notified, and here’s the best part – they know exactly what to do. No more arguments that start with vague accusations of “I just don’t feel like you do ______ anymore…”

With Lovetanks, communication becomes easier and love becomes more intentional. Your relationship becomes less confusing and more fulfilling. As you use Lovetanks, you will develop a natural sense of when to express love, before the “tanks” ever start emptying.

Lovetanks is free, and when my wife returns from Spain, we’re signing up for it. Give it a try and let me know what you think. Looks good on paper…Fill ‘er up!

But, I Thought You Knew, Kelly?

It looks like actor, John Travolta, has been living a secret life for many years. In May a couple of male masseuses accused the Grease star of being sexually aggressive and inappropriate in their massage session. Soon after, some cross-dressing pictures of the actor became public. And, most recently, Doug Gotterba, Travolta’s personal pilot in the 80′s, claims to have had a homosexual love affair with Travolta for six years.

All of this has apparently been too much for Travolta’s wife, Kelly Preston, and The National Enquirer has stated that she has been humiliated over these allegations and findings.

I understand that if Travolta is gay, that he may have felt that keeping it from the public would have been important to keep his leading man image and continue getting roles in Hollywood. I also can understand how Preston might be hurt knowing that her husband wasn’t the person she thought he was. But, the thing is, she’s apparently not considering leaving Travolta because he may be gay. According to The national Enquirer a source told them that she knew about his past, and that she’s just humiliated that everyone else knows now.

I don’t know the specifics of their relationship. Obviously that have been intimate with one another. They have children, and even mourned the loss of one as a couple. It seems that Preston was fine with Travolta’s secret as long as it remained a secret. As soon as the rest of knew the truth, Preston puts on her moral cap and has decided to walk.

There’s nothing new in this relationship, except for the knowledge that we all know now. If she loves John, should us knowing his secrets really matter enough for her to walk out on him? If I secretly smoked a pack of smokes every night and my wife was okay with it, I wouldn’t expect her to divorce me if our circle of friends found out. It doesn’t change our connection. It merely changes the way everyone else looks at me/us.

Kelly, if you love who he is, then stick it out. If you didn’t like his past or his possible affinity for men, you should have dealt with it when you found out.

Create a New Habit

I’m a big fan of the ABC show, Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition. It’s a reality show where obese individuals go on a year-long journey of exercise and dietary change with trainer, Chris Powell, and end up with incredible transformations.

I never had to worry about my weight, but I did have issues with motivation. I was a skinny kid and when I went to college I vowed to start lifting weights. I would work out for three months, then I’d throw in the towel. The novelty had worn off and I fell back into my old ways. A few months later, I’d psyche myself up and give it another go. Three months later, I would stop again. And, I continued this way for years. It was that three-month mark that was so hard for me to get over.

Then, one time, I got passed three o=months, then four, then five, and I have been going strong ever since, for over twenty years. It’s hard to change our habits. It’s easy to fall back into our old ways. I see it on Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition. The first three to six months these folks seem to be highly motivated, but after that point their brains are trying to bring them back to that place of comfort, what they’ve always known, but Chris keeps pushing them, until their brains rewrite what is habit for them.

I believe that if yo can do anything for a year, you can do it for life. That’s the idea behind The 52-Week Challenge where I challenge couples to do something special once a week with their partner for a year, and by the end of twelve months they have created a new habit within their relationships.

Give it a shot, if you dare, and tell me what you think.

A Surprise Like That Could Kill A Guy

I’m questioning myself. I just saw a video of a flash mob that 95-year old billionaire, Kirk Kerkorian’s fiance, Joan Dangerfield, arranged for him for his birthday at the Beverly Hills Hotel. And, I’m just not comfortable with what I saw.

Sure, the flash mob was a terrific surprise. She had a bunch of people dancing to the Shirelles’ hit, “To Know Him Is to Love Him”. Usually, I would applaud her romantic adventure, her effort, her creativity, and the like.

So, why am I questioning myself? I’m wondering if she’s legit. Joan Dangerfield is her rich boyfriend’s junior by thirty-six years. Yes, she’s fifty-nine. But, that’s not the only cause for concern. I know that there have been May-December relationships that have worked. And, I’m all for them, if they are founded on love, and not finance. Right, don’t forget, Kerkorian is a billionaire. That’s nine zeroes. And, that last name, Dangerfield, is no coincidence. She’s the widow of the late comedian Rodney Dangerfield, who was her senior by over thirty years. Okay, maybe she has a thing for older men. That’s legit, but older men with bucks? I guess that’s an added benefit.

And, if you watch the video, yo will see that the age discrepancy looks even more vast, because it appears that the fifty-nine yer old soon-to-be-the-next-Mrs. Kerkorian, is more like 40 years old. Surgical enhancements? I can’t say for sure.

So, why does all of that give me cause for concern? I don’t know. Kerkorian looks great for his age. He’s obviously smart enough to become a billionaire. And, there’s nothing wrong with a younger woman being attracted to an older man. But, all of these separate parts added up, just makes me feel uneasy. Am I just an ageist? Tell me if I’m wrong.

Is It Love?

Changes Since Our Break-Up

When Does the Joke Go Too Far?

There’s a couple that’s been dating for the last six years. Apparently they love each other dearly, but over 150 million times the public has viewed their personal pranks on one another via their YouTube channel Prank vs. Prank. Jesse apparently videoed his girlfriend eating a teaspoon of cinnamon six years ago, so she got him back and posted it online, too. From that point on, they have continued to try to outdo one another in the prank department while building a huge following.

pranks include Gina paint-balling Jesse in the shower, Jesse chasing Gina with  a lobster, Gina having an “affair” with a mannequin, as well as Jesse pretending to cut off a lock of Gina’s long blonde hair.

Apparently these shenanigans have not been an obstacle in their relationship. They claim that because it’s expected, that neither of them get overly upset about the pranks.

So, do I think this can last? Of course. Would I recommend it to couples? hell no, but neither would I recommend an open relationship and sharing vials of blood with one another. Yet, both have been successful in some relationships. For most couples living a life where you know you may be the butt of a practical joke that millions may see could be a major bump in the relationship road, but there are no hard and fast rules in relationships except, “If it floats your boat, go for it.”

Six years proves that this is who Gina and Jesse are to one another, and they love each other in spite of being pranksters. Look, it just goes to show you that no matter what anyone says about what a relationship should be like, make it your own, as long as it works. And, waxing my chest while I sleep would not work for me (take note, wifey).

Do You Take Yourself to Love, Honor and Obey?

I just read about a 36-year old, single mother of three, Nadine, Schweigert, who married herself in March in a ceremony with nearly fifty friends an family. She read vows to herself, put a ring on her finger, went on a honeymoon to New Orleans and even got wedding gifts.

Look, I get that this divorced yoga instructor wants to celebrate her “solo-wholeness.” There’s a huge stigma in our society about being a middle aged single woman, the “old maid syndrome.” There’s pressure that women need a man to make them complete, that there must be something wrong if they can’t land one. And, Schweigert is attempting to make a statement that she doesn’t need a man to be a complete woman, that if she loves herself, that’s enough.

Yes, I get it. You can be a single woman and be happy as well as complete. My mother has chosen (yes, chosen) to remain single for the last twenty years because she was fine with it. She didn’t feel she needed a man again after divorcing my dad.

But, I don’t thing that Schweigert is okay with her singledom (or is it singleness or singlehood), because she’s creating a carnival sideshow out of her situation. If you are happy being single, why do you need to embrace the very institution you claim you don’t need? Why must you announce it to the world, “I am single and I love me!”? Can’ you just be single and love yourself?

I often tell couples, “You can’t be a good couple if you can’t first be a good single,” but isn’t repeating your vows in the mirror every morning can calling yourself your wife just a mask? It feels as though Schweigert really is not happy being solo. So, to hide the pain, she’s immersed herself in how “okay” she really is. It’s almost as if she’s announcing, “I’m so okay being single. If I wasn’t would I really marry myself?”

If you are happy being married, kudos to you. If you are happy being single, terrific. If your marriage sucks, try single-life. If you feel alone single, try to find someone. But, figure out what you really want and feel and embrace it. Don’t try to fool others. But, more importantly, you need to be true to yourself. And, FYI, Nadine, it’s kind of creepy when you go on a date night with yourself looking forward to what comes at the end of the evening.

Love Is Making This Idol Idle

Singer, and first American Idol winner, Kelly Clarkson jokes that love is ruining her career. She’s been dating talent manager, Brandon Blackstock for the last half year or so, and she says her song writing has lost its edge. ”It is killing me,” she told People. “I’m trying to write a tough song and it is coming out like butterflies and rainbows…It is ruining my creativity. I’m writing all this happy stuff.”

On The View this morning, the hosts were talking about this dilemma: can love mess up other aspects of your life, especially the first part of a relationship, the honeymoon stage? According to Joy Behar, she claims the Greeks warned to get through the honeymoon stage as fast as possible because you become incapacitated during the first part of love. And, in some ways, Joy and her Greek buddies are right. Read more here.

During the honeymoon stage, the first 6 to 18 months of a relationship, brain chemicals and hormones are going haywire and we find ourselves in a strange type of euphoric, addictive psychosis, and all we can think about is our next “fix” (our partner) which can make for difficulty focusing at work, getting enough sleep, and, yes, writing pop music. So, then, is it worth it? Absolutely.

Why? First, although it slows us down in other aspects of life, that honeymoon stage is what we all long for when we think of a love relationship. And, the thing is, it doesn’t last. Well, it can last, but it takes work after Mother Nature pulls the plug on the hormone-chemical brain cocktail she’d been serving. Second, we need to traverse that stage to get to the next which includes security, contentment, patience and trust. But, most importantly, once the passion and excitement die down, people who are in string, stable, loving and balanced relationships find that things in their lives fall into place a lot better than for others.

Studies have shown that these folks live longer, can be more productive at work, have a more youthful appearance, are healthier, are more fit, can handle stress better, exercise more, and can even write great pop songs. So, Kelly, enjoy this time. Struggle with the butterflies and rainbows, because if this relationship is “the one” you’ll come out on the other side hitting the charts once again.

How Do I Increase His Bedroom Dopamine?