Leon Scott Baxter's Blog, page 18

After All These Years!

In 1980 I was  eleven years old. I loved watching the TV show, Bosom Buddies, about two guys, Kip and Henry, who had to dress as women to live at a women’s-only apartment, which was the only place they could afford. Peter Scolari, who went to co-star in Newhart and Honey I Shrunk the Kids TV shows, starred in the program with Tom Hanks, who, in my eyes, was the star of the show. Hanks was funny. I respected him and he moved on to movies like Bachelor Party and The Man With One Red Shoe, which I saw about five times because it was double-billed with Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure in 1985, and I was a huge Pee Wee fan (now you know).

Anyway, it’s the 80′s and I’m thinking Hank is a funny guy, then in the 90′s he comes out with Philadelphia, and plays a gay guy wihth AIDS. What? What does he think he’s doing? He’s a comedian! Then, the next year he solidifies his dramatic acting chops with Forrest Gump. At that point, he’d been married to his actress wife, Rita Wilson, for six years. 

Well, tomorrow will be my wife and my twenty-first wedding anniversary. I look back at where we cam e from, where we’ve been, where we are, and where we’re headed and can’t believe how much of my life I have spent with this wonderful woman. I basically hooked her by being funny. I’m not the most handsome guy (ears stick out, crooked tooth in the front of my mouth), but I made my future wife laugh when we first met. Kind of like Tom Hanks and Bosom Buddies, where he first met his future wife. And, like Hanks, as we spent more time together, my wife has also seen the dramatic side of me, the serious stuff, and she’s hung with me…kind of like Rita Wilson.

Hanks and Wilson have defied unofficial Hollywood law by staying hitched for over twenty-five years. And, I aspire to that with my wife in the near-ish future. 

What is it about this celbrity couple that has sustained their relationship when so many others in the industry have failed? It looks as though they are flexible and go with the flow. Hanks has been donning a mustache for his role on Broadway and Wilson admits that she’s not a fan of facial hair. Yet, instead of nagging and using it as a jumping off point for an argument, she’s decided to see her hubby in a different light, “…(H)e’s kind of cute with his mustache. I’m just saying!”

And, the last piece of the puzzle? It goes right back to who they were when they first met…humorists. What has sustained them for this long? “WIlson admits, “We make each other laugh.” 

Fellas, make her laugh. She’ll look past the funky ears and crooked teeth. A funny guy may never be handsome, but he can definitely be cute.

Immaturity?

Love Keeps Us Alive

Told you so! See, I was right; a strong and healthy relationship not only feels good and is emotionally fulfilling, but it allows you to stay healthy as you age. According to research in the Journal of Family Psychology, couples who had a strong relationship with their spouse also reported strong health benefits over the years. There have also been studies linking healthy marriage to reduced risk of cancer, diabetes and heart diseases, which, of course, leads to living longer.

What’s my point? It’s the smae point I always make: create a strong and healthy, loving relationship with your partner. There are countless benefits, including your health. You go to the gym three times a week for 45 minutes to ensure health now and in the future? Thats 135 minutes a week or about 20 minutes a day. Carve out 20 minutes each day to connect with youir partner in a positive and loving way. Along with your work-outs, you will be working on your physical and emotional health, while prolonging your life and being a great role model to your kids.

But what if you already can’t stand spending 20 minutes with yoiur spouse? Big bummer! If you haven’t gotten to that point yet, then start working on your relationship regularly. Keep it strong, fresh and healthy. If youi already are sick of one another, you have a lot more work to do to get yourself back to the point where you can maintain relationship health. That may mean a retreat or counseling, but thinnk of it like you would think of your health. If you could prevent a heart attack or stay alive five more years, would it be worth seeing a specialist for a few months? Of course it would. 

So start today, get yourself back to good health, or if you are there maintain it. The science is there, telling us that love is good for our health![image error]

Sleep With Him for His Sake

I posted a piece two months ago about couples sleeping in separate beds called, Move Over Fred and Wilma, Lucy and Desi. In it I mentioned how 12% of couples sleep in separate beds. New research from the National Sleep Foundation now tells us that nearly one in four couples is sleeping apart.

But, here comes the good(ish) news; separate beds are not such a great thing for men. See, the majority of couples who sleep apart do so because they have difficulty actually falling asleep with their partner, maybe due to snoring or restlessness. So, these folks want a good night sleep in order to function the next day, not be on edge, be productive at work and avoid arguing with one another. Researchers in Austria found that while women’s sleep was a bit more fragmented when sleeping with a man, they discovered that men’s sleep actually improved when slumbering with their partner, due to limbic resonance.[image error]

Limbic resonance regulates hormones and neurotransmitters when you sleep together, such as serotonin and endorphins, which make us feel alive, closer, happy and sexy. Men are very dependent on close relationships. So, having the warm body of the woman that they love sleeping beside them allows them to feel calmer, relaxed and to sleep soundly.

So, what about women? Well, the reason they didn’t fare as well as the men was really due to the fact that more men snore than women. So, ladies, you want to feel the benefits of limbic resonance, too? Invest in some earplugs. Or guys, if you want to be really romantic, wear a Breathe Right strip to bed each night, and you can live happily ever after.

 

Pretty Wicked Emily

Lifetime just premiered it’s newest reality show, Pretty Wicked Moms, about a bunch of moms who live the South and are all about themselves. The “Queen Bee” of the group is Emily, the boutique owner. Emily is a thirty-one year old of a two-year old daughter. She’s blonde, thin, has had a boob job, does Botox regularly and would rather’ slit her throat” than attend a child’s party.

Emily is the owner of Swank, a high-priced fashion boutique, which she says is the number one most important part of her life. Now, the other women in the Pretty Wicked Moms world are aghast that she would openly admit that she puts her business before her child, but I am more shocked at where her husband falls in the mix.

See, Emily has hired a full-time nanny to take care of her baby. And, when she actually does care for her child in a social situation, the kid is calling for Emily’s “Doggy Mom” friend, Nicole N. (not to be confused with “Alpha Mom” Nicole B.). Or she’s squirming for Daddy, Emily’s husband, to hold her. Although her baby is taken care of by other folks, Emily cherishes her sleep time with her baby. Every night she kicks her husband out of the bedroom so that she and her daughter can have snuggle time together. She feels this is her bonding time with her child.

Where does this leave Dad, on the sofa and number three on his wife’s priority list: Swank first, Baby second, and hubby third. Emily’s friends question her about intimacy, to which the business owner tells them that they do it on the weekends…in bed with their daughter, while she sleeps. WHAT!!!?

There are so many things that are just wrong with this scenario. I just want to delve into one. Businesses are important. She should feel proud that she created a successful boutique from the ground up. Babies are incredibly important. They are the result of love between two people. They want, love and need you. And, it’s our job to care from them. But, the most important priority in this situation needs to be the relationship between Mom  and Dad. If we put our work before our partners our relationships are destined to be strained and unhappy. When we put our children before our marriages, we teach our children to do the same, which often results in separation, divorce, infidelity, or, at best, a miser[image error]able partnership.

The thing is, when you put your partner first, it creates inner joy and builds self-confidence, which releases hormones that make us motivated, creative and more productive, which, in turn helps us at our swanky boutiques. It also makes the foundation of the family structure strong and stable, which makes Baby feel comfortable and safe. She also learns how to do the same when she is in her own marriage. It all starts with a strong love relationship. Then, everything else falls into place.

And, as far as weekend intimacy, Emily…put the baby in the damn crib! Come on.

What Should I Do to Make Things Right?

Stressed Relationship

Iron Out the Wrinkles in Bed?

For years I’ve been telling couples that having sex is great not only for their relationship, but for them as individuals. it helps them with self-esteem, gives them endorphins which elevates energy levels which can manifest at work. It can motivate you to be more fit and healthy, while actually burning a few calories duringthe act. I have even told folks that science says that having sex can make you look younger.

I read that again recently. In the June, 2013 edition of Cosmopolitan Magazine, there’s a piece touting the benefits of sex and it includes the ten-year study of over 3,500 participants that found that the ones having sex three times a week looked seven to twelve years younger than they really were. I’ve been saying this for years. Then I go to thinking…what if the results were flipped?

I mean, couldn’t I say that people who looked seven to twelve years younger than theyr really were, had sex more often than their “old-looking” counterparts? I mean, it would make sense, wouldn’t it? It seems logical to me that if you ook younger, you might also appear more attractive and the more attractive you are the easier it is to draw someone to your bedroom…right?

Or, maybe if someone looks younger, it has to do with their fitness level. SOmeone who works out tends to have a body that looks younger than those who don’t exercise…right? And, if that’s the case, wouldnt you expect someone who exercises to have more stamina, thus making them more capable of having sex three times a week?

I’m not saying that the claim is wrong. We know thre is a correlation to looking young and having more sex, but maybe it’s not the sex that causes the youthful appearance. Could be it’s the youthful appearance that causes more sex.

Either way, you can’t go wrong having more sex with your partner. There are other benefits, and even if it doesn’t keep you from balding and premature wrinkles, it’ll keep the two of you close and connected. [image error]

My Attitude

How Mastectomy Affects Marriage

Angelina Jolie announced this week that she had opted for a double mastectomy in February because she has a genetic variant that puts her at high risk for getting breast and ovarian cancer. Her mother passed away at age 56 after a battle with ovarian cancer, so the Hollywood heavy-hitter made a choice to remove her healthy breasts, reducing her chance of breast cancer from 87% to just 5%. Her story alone is riddled with sadness, empowerment, risk, odds, loss and life. But, what I wanted to look at in thhis post was how it affects her superstart husband, Brad Pitt and their relationship.

Pitt was supportive of his wife’s decision and thankful for the medical team who  oversaw the three month long process. But, how does that take a toll on how he sees his wife. Angelina Jolie is known in Hollywood for her pouty lips as well as her incredible body. How does a man deal with the loss of that part of his wife? I know that it’s not a vital organ, nor does it change who she is on the inside, but breasts represent feminity and womanhood. Pitt is supportive as he should be, but does the removal of a woman’s breasts take a toll on the relationship?

I think that if a couple has a strong relationship before they find themselves in a situation where a mastectomy is necessary, the entire ordeal can bring the couple closer. There will be new paths to forge and obstacles to overcome, but having had a history with a strong foundation, this kind of journey can reinforce that foundation. But if a couple is struck with such a tragedy and their relationship has already been struggling, this kind of experience can really tip the boat. There are emotional issues, physical issues as well as sexual issues to tackle. Without a strong base from which to start, this could be disaster for a relationship.

Hopefully, you will not have to encounter a situation such as Jolie’s and Pitt’s, but be prepared. Work now on a strong relationship. Build your love, trust, passion and commitment with one another. It will help you through life’s unexpected curveballs, and if life chooses not to throw any strange pitches, you’ll have worked on creating a wonderful relationship others envy.[image error]