Layce Gardner's Blog, page 12

The Human Beans, Episode 5, “Housebroken”

Stay tuned for the next installment of The Human Beans, Episode 6, “Music Tames the Savage Beast.”

Written and illustrated by Layce Gardner

Making the world a happier place, one book at a time!

The LezBeans, Episode 4, “Happy Halloween!”

I loved Halloween. I loved dressing up. I loved getting treats. I couldn’t wait to share my love of Halloween with my baby Lulu.

I dressed up as Elvis.

I dressed Lulu up as a black cat.

But she kept sucking on her tail. So I changed her into a Snow White costume.

But her wig kept falling off. So I changed her costume again.

She really liked this costume. Now that we were ready to go trick or treating, we had to wait for Tini to make her appearance. She made her own costume out of plastic, duct tap...

The Human Beans, Episode 4, “Happy Halloween!”

I love Halloween. I love dressing up. I love getting treats. I couldn’t wait to share my love of Halloween with my baby Lulu.

I dressed up as Elvis.

I dressed Lulu up as a black cat.

But she kept sucking on her tail. So I changed her into a Snow White costume.

But her wig kept falling off. So I changed her costume again.

She really liked this costume. Now that we were ready to go trick or treating, we had to wait for Tini to make her appearance. She made her own costume out of plastic, duct tape a...

BIG BOOK SALE! ONLY 99 CENTS!

THIS WEEKEND ONLY!

CRAZY LITTLE THING, A ROMANTIC COMEDY BY LAYCE GARDNER AND SAXON BENNETT

IS ON SALE FOR ONLY 99 CENTS!

You heard right! Buy the ebook for only 99 cents.

Hurry! Offer expires 8 a.m. Monday morning!

TELL EVERYONE YOU KNOW!

sorry, U.S. only

The Human Beans, Episode 3, “Old Faithful”

After the dumping incident at the Grand Canyon, Grandma Bean drove us all the way to Los Angeles without stopping. When we got home, I jumped out of the car and ran to the house with Lulu in my arms. I couldn’t wait to show Lulu to her other mom, Tini.

Tini was so excited, she made a pitcher of martinis to celebrate even though it was only ten o’clock in the morning.

Three hours later Tini was still excited to have a new baby.

The addition of Lulu made us seem like a real family.

Tini was overjoy...

The Human Beans, Episode 2, “No Dumping”

When Lulu was only four days-old, Grandma Bean and I loaded ourselves up in the van and began the long drive across country to Los Angeles. I sat in the back seat with Lulu and Grandma Bean drove. Everything went well until we were only 1 mile from the Grand Canyon.

I spoke up, “Something’s wrong with Lulu. She’s making a face.”

Grandma Bean turned in the seat to face me.

“Well, her eyes are squished shut and her mouth looks like a butthole.”

“She’s pooping,” Grandma Bean said. “That’s a poop fac...

The Human Beans, Episode 1, “Meet the Beans”

My name is Hazel. I am a human bean. I am also a lezbean.

I have a daughter named Lulu. She is also a human bean.

When Lulu was five she asked me, “Mom, how did I get to be a human bean? Did I grow in your tummy?”

“No,” I said.

“Did a stork bring me?”

“No.”

“Did Santa Claus bring me?”

“No,” I answered.

“Then how did I grow?”

“Well… it’s a long story. Are you sure you want to hear it?”

“Yes!”

“A long, long time ago before you were a human bean, I lived in a magical city. It was called The City of Ange...

I love Jamie Lee Curtis

I’m in love with Jamie Lee Curtis. Everybody who knows me knows about my Jamie Lee fantasy. On my wedding day I told Saxon that I would stay with her forever. Unless Jamie Lee asks me out. Then all bets are off.

Yes, I know Jamie Lee is married. To a man. To Christopher Guest who is a freakin’ comedic genius and who I admire very much. Still… If Jamie Lee would have me, I would gladly run Mr. Guest over with a Peterbilt truck and take his wife home with me.

Jamie Lee and I have crossed paths be...

Mother Knows Best

My mother is quite a brilliant woman. (Mom, if you’re reading this I want another chocolate pie.)

My mother majored in business in college and even owned her own business while I was growing up. So when it comes to making business decisions, she is my go-to for advice.

She once told me this piece of wisdom, “The only thing worse than owing people money is when they owe you money.” As an ex-landlord, I can attest to the truth of this.

Another time my Ebay store was doing badly. It was almost at t...

Crazy Little Thing Audio Snippet

Hi! I recorded a ten minute snippet of me reading from the book Crazy Little Thing that I wrote with my wife, Saxon Bennett.

I hope you enjoy it!