Layce Gardner's Blog, page 20

If I Had a Million Dollars

I didn’t even play the lottery. I don’t have TV so I didn’t even know the lottery was going on. I read about it on Yahoo News the next day. But it got me to thinking… what if I had a million dollars? After careful consideration, here’s what I would do:

1. I would hire a maid to clean my house once a week. I hate cleaning. Hate it. I’ve been cleaning my house for 30 years and I am over it.

2.I would pay off my mortgage

3. I would put an in ground pool in my backyard and build a two car garage on...

Diary of a Sick Girl

Day 1: Woke up with a headache. A bad headache. I tried to ignore it. It persisted anyway.

Day 2: Still had the headache, but now it was accompanied by somebody stabbing my right eye with an ice pick. I was crabby to my daughter, Emma, and my girlfriend, Saxon. They thought it was part of my menopause. They didn’t say that, but I could tell it was what they were thinking.

Day 3: The ice pick thing was still happening and now somebody was also stabbing me in my right ear with another ice pick. I...

Mystery in Room 323

I wrote my first book when I was ten years-old. I chose to write a mystery that took place at my school. I wrote it with a number 2 pencil on a Big Chief tablet. It was five pages long. I titled it”Mystery in Room 323.” It was published in installments in the school newspaper.

*spoiler alert* The teacher did it.

I only remember the first two sentences ofthe book: “She tripped over the sidewalk and stubbed her big toe. It hurt.” Even at that young age I had a sense of drama. Which I probably got...

Layce Gardner’s PSA for Pirates

Hi! I just made a 3 minute video. It is a Public Service Announcement for Pirates. Everytime an illegal copy of my book, Tats, is downloaded this free video will be included with the book.

Thank you and enjoy!

Conversation with a Pirate

(Layce puts her cell phone on speaker phone and dials the number. She sets the phone on her desk and listens to it ring. After five rings, Yamila answers.)

Yamila: (sleepy voice) Hola.

Layce: Hi! I hope I didn’t wake you.

(Long pause)

Yamila: Hola?

Layce: Can you speak English?

Yamila: Ingles?

Layce: En..glish… You know American? Speak English? I know you can read English.

Yamila: I speak English, si. Who are you?

Layce: My name’s Layce Gardner. I’m calling you from the United States. Oh, no! I’m sorr...

Making the Pirate Walk the Plank

Many of you have seen my FB statuses the past couple of days concerning the notorious pirate, Yamlugue. Yamlugueis a woman in Argentina who is uploading lesbianbooks to many file sharing websites and hundreds of people are downloading these book for free. My book was uploaded by Yamluguetwo days after it was published in ebookformat and within one week had 320 illegal downloads. That is equivalent to this woman sticking her hand in my publisher’s pocket and stealing three thousand dollars (at...

Just About Write review of Tats

Lee Hammond is going nowhere in her relationship and her life, and she’s ready to run away from both by getting on a motorcycle and speeding headlong into the unknown. When she finds herself in the midst of a thunderstorm (which seems to reflect her inner turmoil), she crashes a funeral looking for shelter. In a strange turn of events, she picks up a former acquaintance and high school cheerleader who’s into spiky shoes and strange adventures and the two are off on the journey of a lifetime....