Amy Mah's Blog, page 54
January 6, 2011
Even A Female Vampire has to take her clothes off sometime
Even A Female Vampire has to take her clothes off sometime
And sometime the question is how!
All girls know that when buying a bra it should come with free yoga classes!
Heck first it is the struggle to do them up and then struggle to then get them comfy ……….. all controls being placed at the back …out of sight and sometimes out of reach!
If it was just that then I wouldn't moan so much …………. But what about zips !!!!
You name the hardest parts of your body to reach and some smart arse designed will place a zip there!
Look I am a vampire not a monkey ! 12 inches of zip running down your back takes two hands, a flexible spine and a great deal of imagination to find let alone undo.
Males only ever have the maximum of two zips to deal with…………. One placed near where there hands go to scratch and the other under the chin on some tops………. So easy to remember, everything is between chin and dick, and if they still can't find them they can look in a mirror! ……………… all other zips fitted in Males clothes are just for decoration as no Male will ever use them.
Zips on female trousers can be anywhere, side or even at the back! Ok so you get nice a smooth look at the front but it forces you to sit on a chuck of metal at the back.
Just don't get me started on sizes or changing rooms I can come out of a changing room take a look in a mirror and still hear by aunts comments from childhood……… It looks lovely dear, it's the only size they have and I expect you will grow into it !! ……… school kids can be very cruel on a girl trying hard to grow into her clothes.
So to finish off I would just like to say I have just finished putting on my skin tight one piece fighting suit and true it looks very sexy but would like to say to the designer that I am dying to go to the bathroom and I still have not worked out how to get out of it without using a can opener……………. I am now reading the instructions to see if it is water proof !!!!
And sometime the question is how!
All girls know that when buying a bra it should come with free yoga classes!Heck first it is the struggle to do them up and then struggle to then get them comfy ……….. all controls being placed at the back …out of sight and sometimes out of reach!
If it was just that then I wouldn't moan so much …………. But what about zips !!!!
You name the hardest parts of your body to reach and some smart arse designed will place a zip there!
Look I am a vampire not a monkey ! 12 inches of zip running down your back takes two hands, a flexible spine and a great deal of imagination to find let alone undo.
Males only ever have the maximum of two zips to deal with…………. One placed near where there hands go to scratch and the other under the chin on some tops………. So easy to remember, everything is between chin and dick, and if they still can't find them they can look in a mirror! ……………… all other zips fitted in Males clothes are just for decoration as no Male will ever use them.
Zips on female trousers can be anywhere, side or even at the back! Ok so you get nice a smooth look at the front but it forces you to sit on a chuck of metal at the back.
Just don't get me started on sizes or changing rooms I can come out of a changing room take a look in a mirror and still hear by aunts comments from childhood……… It looks lovely dear, it's the only size they have and I expect you will grow into it !! ……… school kids can be very cruel on a girl trying hard to grow into her clothes.So to finish off I would just like to say I have just finished putting on my skin tight one piece fighting suit and true it looks very sexy but would like to say to the designer that I am dying to go to the bathroom and I still have not worked out how to get out of it without using a can opener……………. I am now reading the instructions to see if it is water proof !!!!
The difference between Male and Female Vampires …………….
The difference between Male and Female Vampires …………….
I have been asked what is the difference between Male and Female Vampires …………………………….
Well that is easy to answer:
Male Vampires are the ones that can pee standing up without getting their shoes wet ……………
Er ……………. Well……………… ok so its more like some male vampires can pee standing up without getting their shoes wet.
Look it just like human males and females, if you are not sure about the differences just ask your Mom ok.
Now the difference between alpha male and female vampires is as follows:
Alpha Males get involved in the running of the place, but when I say the running of the place, I mean all the important stuff like the external businesses, controlling the pets (not just the sex sort) that work for us, the political stance of the nest when dealing with outer Nests.
Alpha Females run the unimportant stuff to do with the Nest like everything that is not to do with politics and business, not that we do the work as the maids do that, but we have life of death control of them meaning we control the Nest they look to us for instruction, they would have originally been very close to Male vampires (ex-sex pets) but soon learn to take orders from the Females knowing that a Male could kill you is fine but as my Aunt says upset a Female in power she can make you wish you were dead.
I have been asked what is the difference between Male and Female Vampires …………………………….
Well that is easy to answer:
Male Vampires are the ones that can pee standing up without getting their shoes wet ……………
Er ……………. Well……………… ok so its more like some male vampires can pee standing up without getting their shoes wet.
Look it just like human males and females, if you are not sure about the differences just ask your Mom ok.
Now the difference between alpha male and female vampires is as follows:
Alpha Males get involved in the running of the place, but when I say the running of the place, I mean all the important stuff like the external businesses, controlling the pets (not just the sex sort) that work for us, the political stance of the nest when dealing with outer Nests.
Alpha Females run the unimportant stuff to do with the Nest like everything that is not to do with politics and business, not that we do the work as the maids do that, but we have life of death control of them meaning we control the Nest they look to us for instruction, they would have originally been very close to Male vampires (ex-sex pets) but soon learn to take orders from the Females knowing that a Male could kill you is fine but as my Aunt says upset a Female in power she can make you wish you were dead.
January 5, 2011
Being a female vampire with needs……………
Being a female vampire with needs……………
It is easy being a male vampire, he can go out at night with his fancy cloak red lining and take the pick of the local human girls.
Being a girl is hard work! How many times has a teenage vampire girl been told not to take a human boy upstairs as she has been band from taking food to her bedroom, ever since the incident with the curry.
Female vampire suffer from sexist rules throughout life………..
It starts with ……….. Nice vampire girls do not pick their noses and if you do it will get stuck………….
Then it is the:
Amy ! sit correctly, you are wearing a dress ………….. feet on the floor and your knees together girl………. You are trying to catch a husband, Not Flies !
I am a grown up full blood vampire, I can rip the head off a human and use the neck as a straw……….. yet I still worry about some guy seeing my panties if I forget to keep my knees together when sitting down!
It is easy being a male vampire, he can go out at night with his fancy cloak red lining and take the pick of the local human girls.
Being a girl is hard work! How many times has a teenage vampire girl been told not to take a human boy upstairs as she has been band from taking food to her bedroom, ever since the incident with the curry.
Female vampire suffer from sexist rules throughout life………..
It starts with ……….. Nice vampire girls do not pick their noses and if you do it will get stuck………….
Then it is the:
Amy ! sit correctly, you are wearing a dress ………….. feet on the floor and your knees together girl………. You are trying to catch a husband, Not Flies !
I am a grown up full blood vampire, I can rip the head off a human and use the neck as a straw……….. yet I still worry about some guy seeing my panties if I forget to keep my knees together when sitting down!
January 4, 2011
Fashion and (not) showing men that you have to offer.
Fashion and (not) showing men that you have to offer.
All girls know that on a date you can wear a very low cut top or a very short skirt but never at the same time! Your Mom would have said this when you were 14 the reason is:
You have to save something for the second date.
Extra……………………….
Some extra advice on what is too low or what is too short is as follows so listen carefully:
A top is cut slightly too low when You have to paint Your nipples to match your nail varnish.
(Warning do not use nail varnish, don't say I didn't warn you!)
A skirt is way too short when you have to colour coordinate your underwear with your shoes.
Look try finding pink shoes with teddy bears on them in a size 3.
January 3, 2011
sex by email ................
We all get the odd spam and email con........ I have had 3 emails off Sunsy below and each time I tell her I am a girl !!!!!!!! She wants a husband and children ......... well who doesn't. On her last email she asked if I would like to father her children ................ er could someone give her a bioligy lesson or at least tell her the bit about me also being female.................... look I am a modern girl and can do anything a guy can do ............... er ........ but ...................... it comes down to some basic eqipment that means even if I did sleep with her she is not going to get pregnant !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hello ,
Good day, My name is Sunsy 26yrs single girl,from Sierra Leone in West Africa.Presently residing in Ouagadougou (Burkina Faso) I will love to know you.Upon your reply I will tell you more about myself and send you my picture. Love Sunsy
January 2, 2011
When dating sex has numbers !!! what is 1st to 5th base dating
When dating it is handy to know the code words of what you are doing with each other. Believe it or not others have also done it, and have even numbered it! So what at is 1st 2nd 3rd 4th and 5th base?
First Base:Ok, this is the one we normally call making out, and unless you are on heat it stops at kissing, hugging and generally grabbing at each other. At this stage you can bite a boy but he is not allowed to bite you back.
Second Base: Letting a boy feel you above the waist - you know where I mean. For some reason boys are fascinated with boobs, and with plastic surgery so easily available nowadays I don't see why they don't get their own, Something to remember at this stage in a relationship is the golden rule that the only person allowed to touch your boobs with cold hands is a doctor. If a boy forgets this golden rule and laughs as you leap in the air with the first stages of frost bite, you are fully entitled to ban him from touching them or other parts of your body until he learns the error of a misplaced laugh. It is a good idea to also threaten to give him a very painful bite in a place where he can't show his friends.
Third Base:This is when you let a boy bite you and you can both suck each other's blood - just don't let your parents find out (carry a packet of tissues to wipe away the blood stains).
Fourth Base: Home run (er… raising one's tail)
Fifth Base:Doing all of the above when on heat, this is called running the bases, it is also called getting pregnant and discovering that you have not just raised your tail and instantly got pregnant! But, due to a bonding contract signed years ago by your parents, you now have a life time Mate!
This can also come as a pleasant surprise to the boy who will be so happy he will wish to leave the Nest as fast as he can to celebrate. He is generally so overcome with excitement that some of your Male relatives may have to knock him unconscious and drag him to a quiet room where they can show him the contract and gently explain to him his new role as a loving mate and father, and also point out how lucky he is to have them protect him from various painful accidents that could so easily happen to him if he did not quickly become a relative.
First Base:Ok, this is the one we normally call making out, and unless you are on heat it stops at kissing, hugging and generally grabbing at each other. At this stage you can bite a boy but he is not allowed to bite you back.
Second Base: Letting a boy feel you above the waist - you know where I mean. For some reason boys are fascinated with boobs, and with plastic surgery so easily available nowadays I don't see why they don't get their own, Something to remember at this stage in a relationship is the golden rule that the only person allowed to touch your boobs with cold hands is a doctor. If a boy forgets this golden rule and laughs as you leap in the air with the first stages of frost bite, you are fully entitled to ban him from touching them or other parts of your body until he learns the error of a misplaced laugh. It is a good idea to also threaten to give him a very painful bite in a place where he can't show his friends.
Third Base:This is when you let a boy bite you and you can both suck each other's blood - just don't let your parents find out (carry a packet of tissues to wipe away the blood stains).
Fourth Base: Home run (er… raising one's tail)
Fifth Base:Doing all of the above when on heat, this is called running the bases, it is also called getting pregnant and discovering that you have not just raised your tail and instantly got pregnant! But, due to a bonding contract signed years ago by your parents, you now have a life time Mate!
This can also come as a pleasant surprise to the boy who will be so happy he will wish to leave the Nest as fast as he can to celebrate. He is generally so overcome with excitement that some of your Male relatives may have to knock him unconscious and drag him to a quiet room where they can show him the contract and gently explain to him his new role as a loving mate and father, and also point out how lucky he is to have them protect him from various painful accidents that could so easily happen to him if he did not quickly become a relative.
January 1, 2011
Coin Slot Cream for Girls
Coin Slot Cream for Girls
I told you before about Butt Cleavage panties in the past which can give you a nice frame to a butt tattoo.
But we now have a special cream for that part of a girls body and it is called coin slot cream.
I dident even know I had something called a coin slot !!!
Anyway to prove I don't make this stuff up take a look at these videos
Coin Slot Cream on Youtube!
PS the book in the top left can be seen at my website http://www.blogger.com/goog_631784971
CLICK HERE ..................... http://www.fangsrule.com/ CLICK HERE .....................
I told you before about Butt Cleavage panties in the past which can give you a nice frame to a butt tattoo.
But we now have a special cream for that part of a girls body and it is called coin slot cream.
I dident even know I had something called a coin slot !!!
Anyway to prove I don't make this stuff up take a look at these videos
Coin Slot Cream on Youtube!
PS the book in the top left can be seen at my website http://www.blogger.com/goog_631784971
CLICK HERE ..................... http://www.fangsrule.com/ CLICK HERE .....................
All men like looking up girl's skirts, just why do Japanese make a film industry out of it?
All men like looking up girl's skirts, just why do Japanese make a film industry out of it?
I am looking at P for Panties in my book FANGS RULE a girls guide to being a Vampire but have got a little carried away thinking about it ………
Japanese anime girls are famous for showing off their underwear and for having larger boobs than real Japanese girls! Look guys real girls would have trouble even standing up if they were like the girls in the film Divergence Eve, heck they could take someone's eye out when they turn around!
Divergence Eve click here http://www.blogger.com/goog_1245692773
I am already a little sensitive with my bust size without seeing this sort of thing!
Najica Blitz Tactics and this is for children! click here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_ZMmpd7CFs
I like anime films and watch a lot and there is a lot of dark stuff suitable for a vampire of taste just think of Elfen Lied
Going back to Japanese men and panty shots has anyone seen NAJICA Blitz Tactics, I will try to attach a youtube trailer and ………….Ok a competition the first person to tell me the correct number of pantie shots visible in this trailer for the film will win a free copy of my book FANGS RULE a girls guide to being a Vampire !!!
OK go and have fun guys ………………….
………………….. I mean it please explain why Japanese men are so into girls panties?
December 31, 2010
D for date in my Fangs Rule: A Girls Guide to being a vampire
D for date in my Fangs Rule: A Girls Guide to being a vampire
Going out on a date.
Yes we all go thought the same difficulties of what to wear, the wardrobe will not shut but I still do not have anything suitable, so after hours of searching in the end I decide to wear black as it will match my comfy shoes, ok so I have more shoes than a dictators wife but only one comfy pair and they are black, why comfy shoes? Well I have no idea where we are going so what the heck should I wear!
Now comes the date bag, why can't a girl just go out, and when I say a girl I mean me, why do I have to look like I'm going for a 10 day vacation and not just a night out.
So lets open the date bag and check if everything is there.
1. Cell phone fully charged.
2. Spare cash and credit card.
3. Packet of mints for after eating smelly food
4. Chap stick
5. Make up mirror, why take a mirror you ask, er wellllll if I get ship wreaked I can use it to signal for help, look it is just needed ok!
6. Packet of tissues just in case you can not find a washroom when out.
7. Keys large bunch and no I do not know why luggage keys are on the same ring with my house keys.
8. A spare pair of panties in case I sleep over ……… er not that I am planning to sleep over … er forget it ok! Look I said stop giggling and forget it !!!!
9. Precautions and protection, nowadays it is not just a boys reasonability for protection and so a girl should also take her own protection if needed, personally I take a can of Mace and a 10 inch kitchen knife and if that fails I sink my teeth into the neck!
Going out on a date.
Yes we all go thought the same difficulties of what to wear, the wardrobe will not shut but I still do not have anything suitable, so after hours of searching in the end I decide to wear black as it will match my comfy shoes, ok so I have more shoes than a dictators wife but only one comfy pair and they are black, why comfy shoes? Well I have no idea where we are going so what the heck should I wear!
Now comes the date bag, why can't a girl just go out, and when I say a girl I mean me, why do I have to look like I'm going for a 10 day vacation and not just a night out.
So lets open the date bag and check if everything is there.
1. Cell phone fully charged.
2. Spare cash and credit card.
3. Packet of mints for after eating smelly food
4. Chap stick
5. Make up mirror, why take a mirror you ask, er wellllll if I get ship wreaked I can use it to signal for help, look it is just needed ok!
6. Packet of tissues just in case you can not find a washroom when out.
7. Keys large bunch and no I do not know why luggage keys are on the same ring with my house keys.
8. A spare pair of panties in case I sleep over ……… er not that I am planning to sleep over … er forget it ok! Look I said stop giggling and forget it !!!!
9. Precautions and protection, nowadays it is not just a boys reasonability for protection and so a girl should also take her own protection if needed, personally I take a can of Mace and a 10 inch kitchen knife and if that fails I sink my teeth into the neck!
December 29, 2010
Another Cold Day
Another cold day deep in the cave and I still think the idea that males can walk about in full dress suit and cloak while we females have to wear a nightdress with our boobs hanging out and is yet another thing we have to blame Hollywood for this is sexist and should be banned from all future Hollywood horror films!
A Nightdress can look very good and sexy if you have the figure for it; the problem is that with my modest upper body shape It looks like I should have a teddy bear under my arm and a mug of milk and a plate of cookies in my hands as I go to bed ……….
Huh with my looks when wearing the standard so called very sexy vampire night dress, the only person that would find me sexy would be the sort that would be arrested for hanging around schoolyards!!
So it is lots of jumpers and a hot water bottle. This vampire may not look sexy but she will be warm!
P.S. the little pic advert from Amazon at the top left of this page is of my book coming out in 2011, FANGS RULE a girls guide to being a vampire
