Amy Mah's Blog, page 53

Wearing THONGS in public

Wearing THONGS in public

This has just popped up on my machine and they look nice …….not sure who sells them but they look kinda Roman or Greek to me.

As a type of foot wear it is excellent for vampires…………. Freedom for the toes so that you don't get that cramped feeling when you need to fully extend your claws……….. ahhhhhhhhh it is so nice to let your claws out without having to wear Naruto boots ……….. it you don't understand what Naruto footwear is like then you ………well look it up……… like everyone knows of Naruto…………… true Sasuke is the hot one but ……………



………. Well back to footwear, toes need to be free so that when you get the urge to hang from a ceiling you are not just hanging from your finger claws …………. Er…..it hurts.

I have been told that if you blog or twitt a product you can get paid ………sooooooooooooo .er ..I a size 3 and in black please …..you can send it via my Publisher …………. Reardon Publishing

Good big boobs and long legs

WOW…………….. I have just been asked to do an interview for The Eerir Digest which has over 40,000 readers

http://www.eeriedigest.com

HMG …………. I have never done an interview before, what happens if I get nervous …you know what I mean girls …….. Getting so just too excited crossing ones legs and hoping you don't end up biting someone ………. Well it is such a natural reaction like hissing……………. Heck I am a vampire and even I don't know why we hiss……………. Must be a body function to expel air from the body without having to blame it on the cat

One would think it was just Hollywood ………. but no I'm just the same as any normal girl, take me by surprise and I will pin you to the floor by four sets of claws hissing and about to rip your heart out before I notice you were just bringing me a cup of  mulled blood.  

And do they want photos? ……….. normal everyday ones of me dripping with blood or sexy ones………er…………..I don't have any sexy ones….. my Aunt would have me de-fanged if I did those sort of photos.







I could send one of my Friend Rechelle now she takes a sexy pic…….see below …………. Good boobs ….. short skirts and long legs ………….. heck life is so not fair I am sure she jumped the boob que and pinched mine as well as hers …………. Good boobs and long legs ! …As I said life is soooooooooo not fair !!!!!

Vampires and Bodice Ripping Rampant SEX

Vampires and Bodice Ripping Rampant SEX

Why the title of bodice ripping sex when all I have to offer is a new black poker dot dress and if you try to rip that off me in a fit of sexual passion then you may well feel in heaven as I will kill you!!

The reason for the title is that I am now being linked to porn site!

Mostly because the word vampire is used a lot in sex sites ….er…..so……..I have been told ……….

My publisher tells me the author of the book :………..Vampire Kisses …………. Was very surprised at the number of porn sites linking to her book! ….and the reason is the words of the title….vampire kisses is a sex term about drawing blood when having sex….heck …..sex? ………..the only thing I am thinking of when biting is what should I finish off with strawberry cheese cake or the ice-cream …..

So if you want lots and lots of sex in a book please by mine! ………..you won't find any ………. but I need the sales! ……….and well are you really going to return it to the shop saying you want more sex……er……god  …………. You will sound so sad!

Please guys think about it………..I am a real full blood vampire ……..er……..that means a different species…..ok………….. yes ……….. I know male vampire are always having sex with human girls but some human guys do it with .....sheep! ……… and they don't put that on their CV's

Er…………… I think you humans forget your place at times…………… we do not hate you……….we even have nice names for you……………. Er……….Lunch ………

It is the sex starved undead female vampires you should think of when you see the Hollywood films ……..if you try to impress a real full blood female vampire by dropping your pants you may be upset to find she is not thinking of sex but more thinking of perhaps a bread roll some unions and mustard …………..  having a mouth full of very sharp fangs should make you very nervous!   

Rebellion Chronicles of Charanthe

Rebellion: Chronicles of Charanthe Rachel Cotterill

Hi All …………….my book Fangs Rule see it at http://www.fangsrule.com/ is nearly ready !!!!!!

Well it has now passed the editing stage and I would like to thank my editor RACHEL COTTERALL who unlike me is a famous author …..She is the author of:

Rebellion: Chronicles of Charanthe [Paperback] Rachel Cotterill



BUY IT NOW …Linked to this page is Amazon purchase ….er…..top left hand side.



And this is what it is about: …………………

When her dreams are smashed by an assignment which would leave her trapped in a job far beneath her abilities, Eleanor has nowhere to turn. The Imperial system prides itself on perfection, leaving no space for complaints. In desperation she rejects her assignment and the quality of life she would have been guaranteed - then, suddenly free for the first time in her life, finds her imagination captured by legends which tell of a secret society of elite assassins. Rebellion is the first of three novels in the Chronicles of Charanthe series.





Who is Rachel:

Rachel lives with her husband in the middle of the English Cotswolds. When she's not writing, she likes to gather inspiration by seeking out life's little adventures: getting lost in as many different countries as possible, collecting skills like other people collect stamps, and generally marvelling at the variety the world has to offer.

With Rachel's help you will be please to know my spelling will be now in a traditional format……..

Any strange words you now discover will be real words and your own fault in not knowing them!!!

While I am thanking Rachel I should also thank Heby my manga artist who has with fantastic skill turned me into how you see me in the book …………… And I will show you what HEBY looks like:

Am I Now a Sex and Porn Writer???

Am I Now a Sex and Porn Writer???



Just look I am now a writer on a semi porn website!



I have just found my blog link on gothic dates:



The following are by someone called Admin and not mine  : 



 My Hold Up as a Vampire ………….. er ……..what does Hold up mean?



This should read: MY LIFE AS A VAMPIRE 



And as to :  For those who do not know me I should point out which I used to be a untamed vamp vital in the outward universe lifted by humans until I was detected and adopted in to Vampire society. In the tellurian universe hold up was really formidable for me, …



This sounds very strange…………….. looks like it has been through a translator, and I can only guess at the word ……..TELLURIAN …… something to do with the Earth…. I think…………..



Anyone knowing the answer please tell me………. I think it means human world ………. A nice word but I did not write it.



My starter normally reads:



 Hi my name is Amy, ok my full Vampire name is: Lady Amelia Mistress of the Night Mare but I prefer to shorten mine to Amy Mah (Vampire) or just Amy to my friends. For those who do not know me I should point out that I used to be a feral vamp living in the outside world raised by humans until I was discovered and adopted into Vampire society. In the human world life was very difficult for me, I knew I needed blood but did not know how to get it, all I had was human books and films telling all kinds of stuff that was useless like I can change into a bat, and that is so not true as I tried it and all it does is make you look stupid as you flap your arms up and down! It was while living with humans I started writing my own little journal, recording what it is like being a teenage vampire, I know that a lot of it will be very obvious but I started it when I knew very little about Vampire-ing and I may finish it when I can find something to go for the letter X and for U I still have only UNDEAD



but it says it is me and links to my blog ………….



http://gothic-dates.co.uk/2011/01/02/my-life-as-a-vampire-by-amy-mah-vampire-when-dating-sex-has/

http://gothic-dates.co.uk/2011/01/02/my-life-as-a-vampire-by-amy-mah-vampire-when-dating-sex-has/MY LIFE AS A VAMPIRE BY AMY MAH (VAMPIRE): WHEN DATING SEX HAS …By admin For those who do not know me I should point out which I used to be a untamed vamp vital in the outward universe lifted by humans until I was detected and adopted in to Vampire society. In the tellurian universe hold up was really formidable for me, …

My hold up as a Vampire by Amy Mah (Vampire): When dating sex has …

Categories : vampire dating

Sex on an Aircraft

We all remember the adds about the wonder bra ……………. When I first saw one it ran away and hid under the counter knowing that with my assets it would have to work far too hard to make any difference………….. But has anyone seen this?

It is called a     ……….. Miracle body-shaper ………and it promises perfect hour-glass figure

Does your tummy look more Christmas pud than pancake flat? You could always invest in Ultimo's latest body-shaping underwear, which claims to increase your chest by two cup sizes - and slim down the waist and stomach.

Described as the world's most advanced underwear.

The V-shape body also features a thong bottom to avoid visible lines and perspex straps for wearing under revealing party dresses.

Has anyone tried one?.............  up two cup sizes? ………. So I can at long last move up from preteen tops and trainer bras!................ok…….. ok ….an exaggeration ………...but over developed I am not ……………. ……..





Well the button thong is a good idea I have worn things that have put me on a waterless diet for fear of ever succeeding in getting a fashionably item off in time before I find out if it is waterproof or not ………….. some washrooms have such tiny cubicles that for the nose you are making getting everything off in a hurry..well ………. it sounds like you are practicing for the mile high club,,,…………..  Mile high club? ……….. Er ……..that's means having sex on an aircraft over 1 mile high and in the tiny washroom cubicle it can not be fun ………….No I Have Not………Or Plan to!   Before you ask!!!  Just what would happen if you got pregnant?   My maid Bambi was conceived while her parents watched (er….didn't watch) the Disney film of the same name. Just what would you name the child?  PanAir 747 economy class?  Just think how they would suffer at school.   

Er………It's ….not Lesbian if it is three girls or more………..

My friend ICE is not speaking to me and it is her own fault…….. ok well I did bite her……….and yes I did bite her hard and deep….. but ……. it has now stopped bleeding ………..hasn't it? ……….. and I am sure the bite marks will fade away in a few days!

But it is her own fault!!! ………………….. you can not do that to a fellow girl and not expect to get bitten ……..she was only bleeding ……….. I was the one rolling around the floor naked while trying to pour a glass of cold water between my legs!

It all started because of the maid party……………. Er …….we have vampire maids as I said before…….undead …..Turned human girls…………… Ex Sex pets to male Vamps …………. Males with their pick up line of…………… .

"if you sleep with me I will make you immortal"………………..











 Sooooo corny…………. They will just do anything to get a girl into bed! ……and sleeping with your lunch I think is a bit perverted if you ask me!

Anyway it is the maid's party and it usually goes on for about 3 days ……first it is cake and balloons ….. Sometimes even a juggling act……………….. Then it is followed by all night dancing ………………….. by the second day as the last balloon has been playfully popped by the Males …the orgy starts and it is a free for all as the Male vampires …….The Males who I may say are shattered by spending hours trying to speed the start of the orgy by helping pop three thousand balloons! Fall on them on mass …………. Yuck and so messy to clean up afterwards.

Anyway Bambi my maid looked fantastic in her short black dress without bra or panties………yes I know ……..but what can one say it is her day off…………

All maids look fantastic as they were all once sex pets for the males so it is quite intimidation to see so many gorgeous girls heading to the orgy…….that is why Ice and her sister were having a sleepover with me and no it is not lesbian if it is three girls or more …..er ……..well ………….  I googled it to make sure.

The Maids have all remembered what their Moms had said about how to walk sexy ……….you know….…..one foot in front of the other as if you were wearing a pencil skirt so that was it makes your butt wobble from side to side in a firm and attractive way……….. You do not …and I say not ever ….walk with your legs apart as if you are still wearing diapers!!!!

Well because we are all left maid less we team up for sleepovers and that is why ICE is not speaking to me.

Did you know of the most painful things to have done to a male or female?

Well males can say it is being struck in their naked butt with a pitch fork by the farmer as they were trying to explain to the farmer's daughter how immortality is obtained.

No the truth is and no male will own up to this and that is getting their Dick stuck in the zip of their trousers …..by ………er zipping up in too much of a hurry!.... any girl who has got material trapped in a zip knows the problem of having to use a pair of scissors to free the zip……..well it seems that guys for some unknown reason are very reluctant to free themselves with the simple help of scissors …no they prefer the bend forward and pray for Devine help ……… and you can often hear them call out to god in a very load voice ………..often followed by lots of swear words……….

I do believe that this was why some religions added the rule of circumcision into their membership.  ……………………

Now for girls …..well we are told ….childbirth is the most painful thing to happen to us…………… er………...not true………….. Hormones, drugs and a couple of bottles of celebratory champagne soon takes the memory of the pain away………..

No…………… it is what ICE did to me!.........that was the most painful thing a girl could to another girl………!!!!!!!!

It was all because I had told everyone about my great expanse of personal rainforest…………..  (pubic hair) that ICE and her sister said they would lend a hand to help me with this problem………..  Foolishly I agreed.

I mean what are friends for than to rummage through your undergrowth in a non sexual way…………….. so yes it was embarrassing ………but why ……… o ……..why did Ice have to listen to her brother and borrow his aftershave to use on me………..

Now listen to me ……..if anyone ever ……..and I mean ever …………. Offers to pour men's aftershave on your newly shaved and baby smooth ex rainforest ……………………………… SAY NO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I still say ICE was very lucky that all I did was bite her ………..if I could only have stood up afterwards I would have really hurt her!

MY book FANG RULE a girls guide to being a vampire should be out in march see more of me at http://www.fangsrule.com/amy.htm  

Pruning your personal rainforest (trying to control pubic hair)

Ok Ok it is winter I should not have to worry about it! 

This is the time of year when a girl can grow her very own fur coat to keep warm and no one notices ………….

(If u have not guessed, I am talking about pruning one's own personal rainforest…………er …………..  a girl's garden  …………….If u don't understand ……….well just go play with your stuffed bats until you are older….ok)

and ....well…………………it would have been fine if a friend had not invited me to go swimming then …….hmg…………..I noticed just how wild it had gone ………….. I mean there is slightly in need of a trim and there is the stage where people stare at u when u change! ………I mean it took so long in trying to tuck the straggles away that people thought I was playing with myself………..  then it looked like I had stuffed a sock in the bottom bit of the swimming costume ………so this must be why men don't bother removing their undergrowth………….. and……… well some Guys really do need the help of stuffing a sock in their swimming shorts when there is cold water to swim in……………… er ……… yes Guys we do notice …….hehehehe

I am a living breathing vampire a full blood alpha female, and I feel sorry for my vampire maid BAMBI, being turned ……..UNDEAD ……….. the type of female vampire human males dream of having sex with, as they never age and always look like they did the day they died ……………. Er ……… Guys I think that is called Necrophilia …………. Look it up you perverts!.............    

Bambi died and got turned way back in the dark ages …..during the 1970s I think ……….. like most of the undead vampire girls she does not bother with panties …or in fact any underwear……… She believes the propaganda that Hollywood puts out .silly girl………. Yes no underwear …..Er..well no bodily functions so why bother.....and so she would look supper sexy all the time ……….. if she had only been prepared to be turned…………. She was not as you can see from her hair style.....see my website.......www.fangsrule.com   ………….. being Undead your body is fixed at the moment you are turned, so you have the same hairstyle no mater what the fashion is and I must have told you of the number of times I have seen maids take a knife and cut off all their hair only to have it grow back at the first taste of blood.

So vampires from her time have wonderful examples of undergrowth, I have noticed that some of the more fashionable ones do them as Afros or as a pony tail and the more adventurous ones attach coloured beads……….you may ask how I know this ……..er…well they all like wearing very short shirts and ………..well you can't help but notice ………...especially when the beads are in day glow orange and green!

No point in them attempting to have ……... A landing strip……. Er …….. Mahican and they can only dream of a Hollywood or Brazilian.

Where as I am a living vampire and so could do all that if I wanted to.....but er….No……… just because it is fashionable nowadays to be on all fours …like a dog………while some stranger pours hot wax on you………….. Yes HOT WAX!!!! And …….yes that is near ….er..very near  the most sensitive parts of the body!!! look we are vampires ….not ……..perverted masochists !

Well if my boyfriend wants me to go through that kind of humiliation he can darn well go first show me the results and then perhaps I may think about it!....but only think about it!

Bikini line…crap why not make the bikinis bigger! ………….. look if you just left it to grow………. you could go to the beach without a bikini bottom and with your natural wild female rainforest ……….. well it will normally cover a larger area than any of the micro bikini's that look more like a colored piece or cord between your legs ………….. and as to covering anything........ well…………. What do you think dental floss can hide ………when we are talking about girl's bits and private places.  



You can even get a tattoo to help with your body topiary art  ………..this is a real tattoo! ……….no it is not mine!   



MY book FANG RULE a girls guide to being a vampire should be out in march see more of me at http://www.fangsrule.com/amy.htm  

Breaking in a new bra.

Breaking in a new bra.

A bra should be comfortable the instant you put it on, it is not like a horse you should not need to break it in…………… heck it not that I have that much to go in it!

First time on and I now have a spot where the right strap digs in at the back… and it hurts………. Why the heck get a spot there? …………. Anywhere else on the back would have been fine.

The first person to say hormones, I will bite them! .ok!

Also comments like you need some sunshine will get a similar response:

It is January.


I am a vampire…………. Sun bathing is not one of our normal activities ………. Ok? …………… stupid…………..


I have said it once I will say it again why the heck doesn't a girls body come with a manual.

If it was not for Google search I would spend most of my time pinning a doctor to the wall by his dick and snarling ' What do you mean mood swings are normal, and What mood swings, I DON'T HAVE MOOD SWINGS!!!!'

Why was the bra designed by a man! A woman would know what it should do better than any man…………… only a man would fit all the controls on the back!

And don't start me off on invisible straps, it just means clear plastic and red lines as they cut into the flesh.

Buying a bra always reminds me of two girl shopping and as one girl tries on a very expensive bra she asks her friend what she thinks and the friend says it looks perfect for tonight's party…………..where as the first girl says "Yes but will it make all the men admire me……….. will it attract the man of my dreams …………… will he scope me up in his arm and ask me to marry him?………..will he want me to have his children? ………….."

The friend thinks hard then answers………I  think you are asking a awful lot from a bra ……….. er  ………shall we start with comfort first ……… .how does it feel?.  

Days of the Week Panties

Just because I am a vampire it does not mean I don't do girl shopping and now with 24hr shopping vampires can join in searching for bargains in the new year sales during the hours of darkness.

Took my maid BAMBI with me as I and still not allowed out un chaperoned,  I have told you about her before she is a turnling ……….ex-human ……….. like shes Undead ok what humans think all vampire are, fangs and boobs……….. never ageing and with a hair style that stays looking perfect even in a force 10 gale…. Makes you sick don't it............... er well nearly .......... You have the same hairstyle as on the day you died and Bambi ........... well Bambi was gonig to have her hair done the next day.............. er .............too late.......... her picture is below: 

Why called Bambi? …….well she says it was because she was conceived during a Walt Disney film of the same name in a drive in theatre and who am I to question that, if it has to be anywhere then during a drive in Walt Disney film is as good a time and place as any. 

Any way she loves going shopping as it means freedom from the nest for a few hours, plus she like the way I leave my purse on full display on top of the shopping waiting for some guy to snatch it and run off  …………….. it is always so much fun to build up an appetite chasing ones lunch and I let her join in, it is a rush as we cant be seen eating in public so we both spend the rest of the time shopping trying not to burp.

Thinking of things as we shop took my mind to a gift I had recently from my Aunt……. As I was complaining about all my underwear having small pink bats on them she got me a pack of something called Collage Girl Specials…………….. A pack of 5 panties with days of the week on them …………….. Er…………. Why five? ……….what am I to do on Saturday and Sunday!!!  …………….

As to why have days of the week on them………...What is the point? ……….. if I don't know what day it is I will ask someone and not life up my skirt to check !!!!!!!!!

If the manufactures wanted to be really helpful then they would print numbers and do a pack of 31 as knowing days of the month is far more useful to a girl than knowing days of the week! …………

BAMBI