Sheila Wray Gregoire's Blog, page 244

Feeling Sorry for Myself

Every Friday my syndicated column appears in a bunch of newspapers in southeastern Ontario and Saskatchewan. This week’s is about the things I have discovered from being sick with the stomach flu.

I spent last weekend hoping to get run over by a truck.

It’s not that I actually wanted to be flattened like a pancake; it’s just that for a time, that option seemed preferable to what I was feeling. I was on a speaking trip in Minneapolis when a wicked stomach bug hit me. It is not fun to be sick all by oneself in a hotel room, knowing that the next night you’re supposed to get in front of a crowd of 300 and act energetic. I told the sound guy that if I suddenly started running off of the stage it was likely a good idea to mute that microphone headset.

As I spent the weekend feeling sorry for myself, and much of this week subsisting on applesauce and ginger ale, I discovered some things about being sick.

First, stomach bugs are particularly loathsome. On one sleepless night, which I spent primarily in the bathroom praying that God would have mercy on me and let me regurgitate, it occurred to me how many different words we have for that particular physical feat. If you fall out of a tree and break your arm, what do you tell people? “I broke my arm.” If you’re feeling particularly eloquent, you try, “I fractured my tibia” instead. When it comes to stomach issues, though, our word choices are plentiful and full of emotion. There’s something uniquely awful about being nauseous.

It’s not the throwing up that’s the problem, though. Through two of my pregnancies I had horrible nausea. For one I could vomit every morning like clockwork. Through the other I only ever threw up once. I felt far better during the pregnancy that I could throw up than during the one that I couldn’t. It’s the wanting to but not being able to that’s horrible.

Second, I learned that pharmaceutical companies hate us. While I was in misery in that hotel room, my husband, who is a doctor, recommended I drink some rehydration fluid. Given that this particular product is intended for people who are already nauseous, you would think that the company could come up with a recipe that does not taste like a cheap Kool-aid knockoff mixed with a tablespoon or salt and a pinch of baking soda. If you weren’t feeling sick already, that stuff would be sure to do the trick.

Third, grocery stores have no sympathy for the stomach challenged. After giving up on rehydration fluid, I chose instead the route of soda crackers, applesauce, and ginger ale. Purchasing said products when you are still praying for that wayward truck, though, is quite a challenge, because it involves walking all around a huge store. I wish stores would place all those items in a nice basket and leave it by the Express Checkout for us sickies. It would be an immense public service.

Fourth, I learned that I am dispensable. When the children were small I used to dread getting sick because how would I look after them? If I was out of commission, everything fell apart. Now I’m home from my trip, I’m still sick, yet life is going on around me. One daughter is at work, and the other is doing schoolwork. The meals are still being made. The laundry is still being done. Turns out I’m not so indispensible after all.

But then, maybe that’s what being a mom is all about. You put in the work when they’re young, so that when they grow up, they’ll be there to get that bucket for you, pour you that Ginger Ale, and put that nice, cold cloth on your forehead. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to call my youngest daughter to do exactly that.

Don’t miss a Reality Check! Sign up to receive it FREE in your inbox every week!

Deal of the Day

Do you have a lot of opinions? (I sure do!) Here’s a chance to share them, while earning points that you can use towards cash, prizes, or charity. And you can also enter contests to win even more! Ipsos Reid offers surveys on just about everything. They’re one of the most renowned pollsters/survey companies in North America. And they’re always looking for opinions. You hear about “surveys” in the news all the time. Here’s your chance to get in on it–and earn a bit along the way, too.

Related posts:

Thoughts on Toilet Paper, Garbage Cans,and Neo Citran
When My 10-Year-Old Wants to Cuddle
Mothering on a Weak Stomach

Giveaways, Community, and More Fun!

I’ve got a number of quick things to share with you today!

Giveaway Winners

Did you Fight the Frump with me last week? So many of you did, which was a huge encouragement to me, too! And to launch Fight the Frump week, we had a giveaway of three fun things: a Lilla Rose flexi clip, an Origami Owl necklace, and a massage candle from Mom’s Love Rub.

I also offered a package of books and tuition for my new, 6-week course, The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex, to one person who participated in Fight the Frump! Those prizes have now been awarded, and the winners contacted.

But you can still get your hands on the wonderful products!

Laura, an independent consultant with Lilla Rose, says that free shipping starts today and ends this weekend. So if you loved the clips, now’s a great time to buy!

Tina, from Origami Owl, says that these personalized lockets make awesome Mother’s Day presents. So ask your husband–or your kids–for one coming up!

And Jen’s massage candle will bring some romance back into your marriage, so order one NOW! And then don’t just wait for your husband to give you a massage. Use some of the luscious oils to make him feel great, too!

Our online, 6-week class for The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex is starting to fill up! I’m so thrilled to have people join us. I love blogging with you everyday, but this is the FIRST TIME I’ve actually given people the opportunity to learn from me on an in-depth basis. And that’s because there’s more to say, and I think the best learning is when it’s also interactive–when you can share your stories, and your questions, and say, “wait, we need to go over that again.” Or, “what about this?”

Why am I passionate about this? Marriage has the capacity to bring such joy and strength and energy to people. And yet it can also bring tremendous heartache. When marriages are strong, families are strong. Churches are strong. Communities are strong. But when marriages fall apart, everybody suffers.

We’re trying to solve all these social problems right now–guns, and education, and hatred, and bullying, and promiscuity. Yet ultimately government can’t do that. Only strong families can heal our hurts. And so I want to be a part of what God wants to do to strengthen families, starting with yours.

Have you ever wondered, “isn’t there more than this?” There is! And I want to help you see that.

Enroll now. I’d love to get to know you better–and see your marriage thrive.

 

Awesome Posts to Read

Some quick things to share with you today.

First, Annabel from Spice and Love, who has guest posted here before, has a great post about sugar, Lent, and erotica. You may not see the connection, but go read! She’s brutally honest, and so refreshing in how it is only God alone who brings real satisfaction. She touches on something important–often we start off reading Christian romance, turn to secular romance, and from that to erotica. It’s a continuum all too many women walk down. And it’s wrong. I’d like to return to this more myself in the future, but go read that now.

Second, Romantic Marriage has a great post on the necessity of asking “Why?” when something is wrong. If you don’t ask enough questions, you won’t get to the root of the real marriage problem. Very insightful!

(Thanks to Generous Husband for tweeting about both of these articles and alerting me to them!)

Third, my dear friend Ann Voskamp has a post about raising boys in light of Steubenville. A must read.

 

Fight the Frump RoundUp

Are you still Fighting the Frump? I hope so! Here’s a comment that came through yesterday that made me smile:

I wasn’t able to participate in Fight the Frump last week but I’m doing it this week and I just wanted to tell you that I woke up this morning and felt totally unmotivated to face the day. I wanted to just stay in my pjs! (I’m a stay at home mom so I do that quite a bit or just change into pajama-like clothes). But I got dressed in not-so-frumpy-clothes and put on some makeup and that totally changed my mood! I felt more confident in my ability to do what I needed to do and have a good mood! I just wanted to let you know! Thanks for writing this series and giving some great tips!

Woo hoo!

Just a reminder: Kiyonna’s coupon for 15% off (minimum $150 order) is good until March 31! Just use the coupon code LVHNRVAC when you checkout to get your discount.

And I love this comment that came through Tuesday:

Sheila, I want to thank you for giving this challenge. I took it and had some amazing results! I’m a SAHM and usually lounge around in jammie pants and an oversized tee. By the end of the week I am now getting fully dressed and accesorized. I also invested in some new bras (would you believe I was wearing bras that were too big in the band and 4 cup sizes too small!) Those small investments in my apperance have boosted my self-confidence and I feel amazing. And my hubby has definately noticed the difference. I now look forward to his compliments! Best of all, our, ahem, romantic life has a new spark to it Thanks so much for challenged us all!

That too-big-in-the-band and 4 cup sizes to small is SO COMMON! Make sure you’re wearing the right size, ladies. It makes a world of difference. Check it out here.

 

Capture the Moments

With Easter around the corner, now’s a perfect time to take a new family photograph! We always rush to do it at Christmas, but Easter’s actually more fun. Spring is coming! I know getting family photos taken at a mall can be stressful (it’s awfully hard to get babies to smile on cue, or to get toddlers to sit still), but you do have options. Studio One to One specializes in family photos, especially those with babies and toddlers. And their photographers know what they’re doing, and can help you get that perfect group shot (or a shot of just the baby!). They even do fun glamor shots (if you’re really inspired after Fight the Frump!)

We got a ton of family photos done with the kids were really small, and then we seemed to stop until they hit the teenage years. We don’t have good ones from the ages of 5-12, and I regret that. If I could do it over, I’d take more pictures!

Kids change so fast. If you haven’t done a family photo lately, maybe it’s time to head on over to Studio One to One and get one taken.

 

Deal of The Day

Camp was always a huge part of my kids’ summers. We had a Christian camp they went to on their own, and a Family Camp we all headed off to. It was such a great time of learning outdoor skills but also being immersed in worship. If your kids are heading off to camp this year, avoid the summer rush and get organized now with Mabel’s Labels. The Limited Edition Camp Combo Packs are UV resistant, waterproof labels and tags designed especially for everything that goes to summer camp. Identify clothes, footwear, toiletries, swim gear, backpacks and more with this seasonal essential. Save $2 and receive a free gift (while supplies last) when you purchase before April 30. Happy Camping!

Gratitude Reminder

I asked on Facebook last night, “what are you grateful for about your spouse?” I love all the responses! When we focus on what we’re grateful for, that’s what we see. When we look for things to be happy about it, we will find them. And the things that bug us will diminish in importance.

As we’re leading up to Easter, that time of year when we are reminded again that we ALL are in need of God, let’s practice some humility in our marriage, mixed with a good dose of gratitude. It will do wonders!

This post contains affiliate links. For more information about sponsorship/advertising opportunities or policies, see here.

No related posts.

Wifey Wednesday: To Walk or Stay

It’s Wednesday, which means it’s time to talk marriage! I introduce a topic, and then you all can link up your own marriage posts below in the linky.

Today’s post is submitted by Lara Williams, telling the story of how God used the brokenness in her own life and her own marriage to bring her to Himself. Because really, that’s the main point in life. Whether your marriage is strong or whether it’s tottering; whether your marriage survives, or whether your spouse betrays you; the main thing in life is that we choose to hear God and follow Him, allowing Him to heal the brokenness. Here’s Lara:

Being a wife is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I mean, I went into this thing thinking that he would rub my feet without me asking and dote over my exquisite beauty. You’re laughing. I didn’t realize that Cinderella, and every other Disney princess, had lied — or at the very least led me astray in my expectations.

The truth is I had an idol. It was a pretty little idol. It was one that told me I had a “right” to my husband loving me like Jesus. You know. Like the Bible says. But it was an idol — me thinking that a man’s love could actually fulfill that deep down craving. And we all know what God thinks about idols.

God loves us too much to allow His children to worship someone or something other than Himself. He may let us follow our wayward thinking for awhile, but give it time and He will faithfully discipline. Because He’s our daddy. And He knows what’s best.

My Lord chastened me. And He did it through a valley of deep brokenness.

My husband had allowed sin to take him captive and it led him down a road of infidelity. And when God revealed the betrayal, I was completely crushed. Every dream for our home. Every hope for our marriage. Every expectation of my man’s love. All of it lay as a crumbled mess on barren ground.

I remember the grief weighing heavy. I remember not knowing what to do or how to be. But I also remember seeking after God. I remember being real and raw with Him, asking Him to speak wisdom into a very difficult situation. And He graciously answered.

I didn’t hear Him audibly — that would have completely freaked me out. But it was as if God spoke directly to my spirit, “My daughter, you can walk away if you choose. I will always be with you. But if you would dare to stay, then you will see me do something wildly miraculous.” I’m not sure how I got to the book of Joel, but He led me there and promised to restore the years that the locusts had eaten. I was shocked at His intimate leading.

By His absolute grace I stayed. I definitely didn’t feel like it. I still had many days where I wanted to walk away. But God. In only the way that He can, He completely transformed me in the midst of that dark pit.

 

For it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure.

Philippians 2:13

 

Years later I can say that God has restored our home and our marriage. He has worked miracles in my heart and miracles in my husband. But that restoration wasn’t the ultimate victory.

The greatest blessings arose in the midst of the pain. It was in the dark that God proved His sufficiency. He drew me into an intimate communion with Him and shed things from my flesh that needed shedding. It was in the dark that I experienced the abundance He promised in Christ — peace in the storm and joy in what should have been despair.

I don’t know where your marriage is today, but I do know this. There’s a God. And He wants to lead us and walk with us. He stands ready to minister healing to any wounds on His child’s soul. He can faithfully stir up hope and peace as we press into Him.

::

Lara’s new book To Walk or Stay releases this week! In it she shares what God taught her in that valley of brokenness. And though her marriage story lays the backdrop, this book is about a really big God who can be fully trusted even in the midst of suffocating fears and shattered hopes. You don’t want to miss it!

Lara’s graciously offered to give away THREE copies of her book, and THREE Dayspring “I am His” necklace and mug gift sets. So just enter the Rafflecopter below to be entered to win! I’ll announce the winners next Wednesday at Wifey Wednesday, and the contest will be open until next Tuesday at midnight EST.

I am His Necklace and Mug Set from Dayspring

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Now it’s your turn. Link up your own marriage post in the linky below. Let’s share our wisdom! And remember to link back here so other people can get some great encouragement in their marriages.

Related posts:

Don’t Be Afraid of Brokenness in Marriage
Wifey Wednesday: 4 Things You Must do if Your Husband Uses Porn
Wifey Wednesday: How He Brings Peace

Girl Talk–Coming Near You!

Last week I flew to Minneapolis for two events: a Girl Talk night in Willmar, MN (where I give my signature talk on sex), and then a Saturday event in Hastings where I spoke first on To Love, Honor and Vacuum, and then repeated the Girl Talk talks.

(Look at the AMAZING setup they did on the stage! It looks just like my book cover):

Still 30% off at Amazon!

It was very physically stressful–I caught a horrendous stomach bug the night before I was supposed to start, and let’s just say I felt quite terrible. But a ton of people prayed and by the evening I was well enough to go on and nobody noticed (more about that in my column that’s coming out on Friday).

But it was really satisfying in lots of other ways, because it was just so much FUN! I love speaking on sex because it’s something that women honestly really want to talk about, and most churches don’t do a good job of covering it. I’m not shy, either; I don’t stay away from the “taboo” words that we don’t say in Christian circles (though I do it very tastefully, and not rudely). And in the second half I do a Q&A where I read through everyone’s anonymous questions and then answer them, before finishing with the rest of my talk.

The talk is divided into two parts. In the first half I talk about how God designed sex and why He made men and women so differently. We also cover how society has messed sex up, and how our culture invades our own sexuality and often messes US up.

In the second half I focus on how to improve our marriages in the three areas of intimacy in the bedroom: emotional intimacy, physical intimacy, and spiritual intimacy. And then we look at how to put it all together.

I use a lot of humor, and yet I also tell some touching stories about what it really means to make love and not just have sex.

In Willmar, when the women’s ministry committee first went to the leadership at their church, the leadership was a little hesitant. They weren’t sure they would get women out to an event like this. But the committee pressed on, certain that women really did want to talk about this. And sure enough, they had 320 women out (125 is the norm for a women’s event). And they had tons of community women, not just church women, because it’s a really easy event to bring friends to. It doesn’t sound like it’s going to be “churchy” (and it isn’t), and seekers want to hear about sex.

In Hastings, one of the organizers, who brought along a 30-something friend, said that it was just so great how I could deal with real issues and still bring it right back to God, without sounding preachy.

That was the biggest compliment anyone could give me.

I’d love to bring a Girl Talk event to your church! I get questions all the time–can you come to Ohio? Can you come to Sioux Falls? Can you come to Atlanta?

And the answer is, YES! I would gladly try to arrange a tour near you.

But I need to start somewhere, and the place that I’m mostly likely to start is a place where a church has hired me. So if you want me to come to your area, why not ask for a package of info to send to your church? I can send it directly to you, but if you’re not the women’s ministry leader, and you know the women’s ministry leader’s email address (or the marriage pastor’s email, or whomever would be the right one in your church), let me know that, too, and I can send it to them, saying that you requested it.

I’m looking at booking two tours next fall, and potentially one this June if I can arrange it in time, so I have three potential states/provinces I can get to. But it’s really whoever responds first and actually books me that determines where I go.

Finally, if you’re in NASHVILLE–I’m COMING in April (my husband’s at a conference, so I’m tagging along) and my days are quite free. I’d love to stop by your Bible study group, or MOPS group, or maybe even set up an impromptu night event. Let me know, because you wouldn’t have to pay travel expenses or my usual fee since I’m already there.

I’d love to join you.

And remember–if you want to go even DEEPER than a Girl Talk night, you can sign up for my 6-week, indepth online class on The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex, where we’ll cover even more!

Related posts:

The School of Intimacy–Take Your Marriage to the Next Level
Wifey Wednesday: Do You Try to Avoid Sex?
Wifey Wednesday: Don’t Just Lie There–Say Something!

The School of Intimacy–Take Your Marriage to the Next Level

I am so excited to announce to you the launch of The School of Intimacy!

I mentioned it briefly during Fight the Frump week, but I’m so excited about it I wanted to take a post and explain what it’s all about in the hopes that you will join me.

I’ve teamed up with a woman named Susan, who has launched courses for other authors and has a vision to provide in-depth online training in the area of families and relationships. We women are so busy that going to a conference is often out of reach. We don’t have time, and we don’t have the money. But, Susan says, that shouldn’t mean that those doors are closed. With new technology, we can bring all the information you’d get at an in-depth conference to you, right in your own home. And I love that vision!

She’s done other online courses, but she wanted me to be the first one to offer a course in her School of Intimacy. And so we’re all set to start on April 8.

For six weeks, on Monday nights, I’ll be speaking for about an hour and 15 minutes on The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex. We’ll cover what God designed sex for; how God made men and women differently; how to increase our physical intimacy, spiritual intimacy, and emotional intimacy in the bedroom, and how to deal with a lot of the struggles we face, whether it’s low libido, husbands with low libido, overcoming negative views of sex, defeating porn’s influence, etc.

The difference is I won’t JUST be lecturing. There will be an interactive component where we can have discussion (with the opportunity to be anonymous if you wish), and you can shoot me questions. And then after each night’s presentation, we’ll have an even longer Q&A. If you can’t make the class live, you’ll always have access to the recordings, but it is more fun if you can be there and participate.

Throughout the week there will be “homework” (which no one will take up ) that you complete–spiritual exercises to help you focus on how God wants you to see sex and how to make this part of an abundant life; and practical exercises to make it real in your life.

We’ll also have a private members’ area on the website for discussions, and a private Facebook group where you can talk about your homework, etc.

I get so many emails from readers who have some real difficulties, and I don’t have time to answer them all or do justice to them all. But here’s a chance for you to get over 9 hours of intense teaching, and a chance to get your questions answered.

When we were getting this course ready, Susan wrote a survey that several hundred of you graciously took (thank you very much!), and from that survey we figured out what type of class most people wanted, the length of the class, and the price point. We thought we’d launch with a six-week course at $99 (that’s the early bird rate), which is right in line with what most people said.

Nothing will change on this blog–I’ll still be blogging, and coming up with new ideas (I was thrilled at the response to Fight the Frump last week! I may do something like that again). But I know some of you want to go deeper, and this is your chance to do so.

When you enroll, you’ll also get sent a copy of The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex (which makes a great wedding gift if you’ve already got one!), and a place where you can send in your questions for me to make sure that I cover them.

Reading through the survey results, I was encouraged by how people described my teaching.

It’s honest, real, and in line with God’s word. Instead of blaming outside issues that you can’t

control in marriages, she tells you how you can work on yourself.

It’s real. It’s helpful. It’s simple. It’s funny.

The idea of sex being about emotional and spiritual intimacy not just physical. Also, how a “bad girl” can still become a “good girl.”

I love that Sheila is open and honest about so many different issues that the church is often too scared to bring up.

Her candor and her ability to love through words.

It is honest, real, wise and godly.

Real true issues and answers. She isn’t afraid to say what needs to be discussed.

If you want “real” teaching about marriage–and not just the sugar coated stuff we often get–this course will satisfy.

Will you join me? I’d love to get to know you all better, and to actually have a chance to talk with you.

Enrol now! And do so soon, because the class size will be limited to help with discusssion. So secure your place early.

Thanks, all! I look forward to seeing you many of you there.

Related posts:

I’m at a Marriage Conference!
Marriage Really Does Matter
Why Your Husband Wants You to Read this Marriage Blog

Empowering Women the World Over–Do We Know How Good We’ve Got It?

Some of the greatest highlights of my life will always be the missions trips that our family has taken to the Mulli Children’s Family in Africa. It’s a home for orphaned, neglected and abused children–about 1000 of them at a time. A wonderful and awe-inspiring facility, MCF provides first-class education on site from kindergarten through high school (many of their graduates receive scholarships to university), and job training for teen mothers whom they rescue from the street.

The first time we went my youngest daughter was 9 and my oldest 11. We’ve been twice since then, and we’ll be returning the summer of 2014. While my husband leads a team of medical volunteers, my mother and I instead have worked with many of the teens and some of the entrepreneurial women onsite, helping them learn to use knitting machines. I know it’s hard to believe, but it actually does get chilly in Africa at night, and sweaters and ponchos are highly desirable items. Yet while there’s quite the indigenous sewing industry, knitting hasn’t been adopted yet. So setting up a knitting business can actually provide a good source of income.

Another side to the coin is that every time we go my mother and I plunk down quite a bit of money at several markets in Nairobi, buying soapstone carvings and woven items and especially handmade jewelry off of the women who make a living selling there. Then we bring it back here and sell it to raise money. It’s a great fundraiser, but what makes me even happier than sending the money back to MCF is the look on the women’s faces at the market when we choose their stall to buy from. They’re grateful and they’re proud. They made the items themselves, and they’re being paid for honest work. We value what they have done.

That’s part of what I appreciate about MCF, too. It’s trying to be sustainable. They have a huge farm that supplies the food they need, but also supplies income since they export vegetables to Europe. They have fisheries. They have tree nurseries. They’re building a university. And they’re teaching the kids to support themselves, not to rely on charity.

The way to empower people isn’t just to hand money–it’s to help people make an income and create a future for themselves.

And many of the girls who need such a future are girls who have been horribly abused. I’m reminded of the story of one particular girl, whom I’ll call Anna, who was rescued out of a jail for teenage girls (yes, there are such things, and yes, the guards do abuse the girls). In Kenya if you’re caught on the street, homeless, and you’re a minor, you’re frequently arrested just for being homeless. And why was she homeless? She had been orphaned, and her aunts decided that she could make them a decent income if they sold her into prostitution at the age of 11. After being abused multiple times she ran away, and ended up being abused on the street.

Now she’s finished high school and is headed for university.

We met another family of three little girls who were rescued when they were 10, 4 and 2. Their parents had died a year before that, and the extended family had come and taken all the furniture out of the home, leaving the 10-year-old to try to feed her little sisters. Today they’re thriving. And the youngest one is a really good knitter! (I taught her myself on our first trip there, and she still knits even six years later!

It breaks my heart the things that some girls and women go through in other parts of the world. I know that women are abused here, too, but we do have a support system. There they don’t. You literally have nowhere to turn.

And so programs that help empower women, so that they won’t fall prey to men who would use them, and so that they can create a future for themselves and their children, are very near and dear to my heart.

So it’s neat that even large corporations are starting to jump on the bandwagon and try not just to give charity money to Africa, but to empower women so that they can help themselves. Wal-Mart has just launched their Empowering Women Together campaign, and asked me to tell you about it. I agreed because I want to keep encouraging companies to start buying product from female entrepreneurs. (It’s not that I don’t like male entrepreneurs, by the way; it’s just that so many women are desperate in the Third World, and they have no other options open to them except starting a small business if they want to remain off the street. Because so many women are supporting children, even children of rape, I want to see that they are given a real hand up–not a hand out).

You can see more about the campaign on their Pinterest board, but here’s a video that explains what they’re doing in Rwanda. I love it because the Rwandan enterprise, Gahaya Links, which now involves over 4,000 women, is Christian-owned and operated. Take a look:

I have seen a similar operation in Kenya, making jewelry that is sold all over North America now. My mother has toured the factory, and she was so impressed. This is the kind of thing that gives me goosebumps–to see women in complete poverty succeed because they join together, enlist God’s help, and step forward in faith that He will provide a way for them to support their children.

So now Wal-Mart is launching this online initiative that will allow people to buy unique gifts and unique items that come from women-owned businesses worldwide. That way, when you need to buy something for a friend or a family member, you can buy something that will be different, unique, and will spread real blessing.

Because Wal-Mart is so big, they can give access to large markets for some of these businesses to women who would never otherwise be able to attain it. Wal-Mart has a five-year commitment to source $20 billion in merchandise from women-owned businesses worldwide. At its launch, Empowering Women Together will feature 200 items from 19 countries, including jewelry from Rwanda and Kenya (yay!), home accessories from Rwanda and Haiti, paper mache from Haiti, iPad and laptop cases from Cambodia and Nepal, and more. (They even have dark chocolate!). Again, you can see them here.

We spend a lot of time griping about big business, and so I think it’s also good to give credit where credit is due. And I’m thrilled to see a large corporation take the power that they have built up and push it in a really positive direction. I hope this works out well for them, and more importantly, really well for the women who are being lifted out of poverty the world over.

Disclaimer: I am part of the Mom It Forward blogger network. Mom It Forward and Walmart partnered in support of this campaign. Walmart compensated me for participation in this campaign. However, all thoughts and opinions are my own.

Related posts:

The Mercy House–Miracles in the Making
Kindness Is as Kindness Does
Changing the World…One Step at a Time

Reader Question of the Week: He Won’t Take Our Finances Seriously!

Every weekend I like to post a question someone sends in and let you readers have a go at it. This week’s question comes from a reader, who would like her husband to be more involved in financial decisions:

I am hoping maybe I can get some feedback from you or maybe the readers of your blog on this; in my marriage I am the one that handles the finances and it’s because I like playing with the money ~ lol!




The problem is that when I do want to talk to my husband about money issues, questions or such he gets annoyed with me and wants to have nothing to do with the conversation. I know that the reason he does this is because our money problems, mostly the lack of money, really makes him feel like he isn’t providing for his family the way he should.




I have never made him feel like our financial situation is his fault, but I do feel that as the head of the household he should be somewhat involved and its nice to talk to him about these things because you can’t go to your BFF and discuss something as personal as money.




Can I get him to stop feeling like money problems are his fault or is this something that I’m just never going to be able to talk with him about?

What do you think?  How can she better involve her husband in talking about finances?

31 Days to Great Sex is here (only $4.99!) It's the best $5 you'll ever spend on your marriage!

Learn to talk more, flirt more, and even explore more! You'll work on how to connect emotionally, spiritually, AND physically.

Find out more

Fight the Frump: That Final Put Together Look

It’s our last day of Fight the Frump week! I hope you’ve been enjoying taking some care in your appearance. It really can be a lot of fun—and be a great confidence booster–when we know we look our best.

In case you missed them, here are our earlier posts:

Day One: Get Dressed

Day Two: Finding Clothes that Fit and Flatter

Day Three: Finding the Right Bra

Day Four: Accessorize!

Remember that if you’re participating in Fight the Frump, you can win my giveaway! I’m giving away a pile of my books, plus tuition to my 6-week in-depth course on The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex, which starts on April 8 online. Head on over to Day One’s post to leave a comment and enter yourself in the giveaway.

And now we’re going to talk about how to put that final look together when you’re actually getting ready to step out the door. Some of what we’ve been talking about is just not looking sloppy while we’re at home. But when you’re actually going out, then what?

Here are some thoughts to consider about making yourself look all put together:

Sweaters

Those of you who scrapbook know that layering makes the card more visually appealing. And an odd number of elements is best. The same works with clothing. You may have a lovely top, but often throwing a little sweater over it completes the look. Add a belt, or a necklace, and a purse when you go out and you have five elements on the top half. (you don’t have to be obsessive about this, but I do find that just two elements is often not enough–a T-shirt and sweater benefit from a necklace or belt, for instance).

Here’s a simple fitted cardigan that would work over a T-shirt if you wore the cardigan mostly open, or you could wear a collared blouse underneath. Wear it closed with a belt for a different look:

Charter School Cardigan in Kelly Green from ModCloth – $34.99

from: ModCloth

When I’m speaking I almost never wear just a top without something else–even if it’s a nice top. Adding a blazer or sweater just makes it look more like I’m “put together”. Here I’ve got a belt, a dress, and a sweater. (True confessions: I love this dress, and I STUCK IT IN THE DRYER!!! It shrunk. I’m so sad).

The whole “creating a put together look” isn’t as much of an issue if you’re hanging out at the house, but when you go out, it’s something to think about. And that’s This really doesn’t matter if you’re just hanging around the house, but think about it if you’re getting ready to go out.

Purses and Shoes

Here are two other categories that don’t matter if you’re hanging around the house, but having some “wow” shoes or purses can bring everything together.

Recently I bought the most amazing orange leather purse when we were in Turkey in the summer. After wearing brown leather purses my whole life, it was quite the change. But boy does the color pop! So I’d challenge you to choose a really bright color that can complement a variety of things and try it, like this:

[image error]

Girl With Curves Bag in Red from ModCloth – $74.99

from: ModCloth

or this:

Something About You Bag from ModCloth – $62.99

from: ModCloth

If you’re more a “neutral color” gal in your clothing, and you’re afraid to go bright in your clothes, go bright in your purse! You’ll get tons of compliments. Just wearing a small pop of color looks so much more confident. Make sure, though, that you don’t choose a purse just for its color. I always choose a purse that I can fit my rather large wallet in, my phone, my Bible, and anything else I may need to stick in there (like my knitting). I need pockets, and I need big. That cute little purse may be just adorable, but if I’m forever moving my wallet around, and nothing fits, it isn’t worth it.

If you like “fun” pattern–or a purse with a message–Dayspring is having a FLASH SALE on this “found and treasured” purse from their Redeemed Line. It’s normally $46.99, but it’s $20 TODAY ONLY.

Redeemed – Found & Treasured – Large Purse

from: DaySpring Cards Inc

(I’ve always been partial to this “Created for Beauty” purse from Dayspring, too).

When it comes to shoes, you can use a similar approach when it comes to color. Everybody needs a nice pair of black flats and a nice pair of black heels to go with everything. But it’s also fun to have something with a pop of color and a thick heel (so you don’t fall over), like this:

Right Here Heel in Lime from ModCloth – $59.99

from: ModCloth

Remember, you don’t have to wear green with these heels. You could have on jeans and a brown or neutral shirt or sweater, but these give you that “pop” that make the outfit look like you thought about it and put it together with flair.

Don’t think that because you’ve never been a “girly girl” that you can’t do heels, or that heels have to be uncomfortable. They really don’t. But shoes with a thick, low heel, and you’ll hardly notice a difference. But they make you look polished!

If you’re really tall and dislike heels, then just buy flats with some interesting elements, like pointed toes, or bows, or bright colors.

So that’s it, ladies! You’ve made it. You’ve gotten dressed. You’ve chosen clothes that fit and flatter. You’ve bought a well-fitted bra. You’re wearing a bit of jewelry, and maybe some makeup. And now you’ve got a look that’s all put together!

I know one of the challenges many of you face is money: you’d love to look more put together, but you just don’t have the cash right now. Or perhaps your sizes are changing because of giving birth, or nursing, or losing weight, and you don’t want to put too much money in right now. So here would be my priority items for making you feel wonderful, in order of importance:

1. A Good Bra. Start with that.

2. A good haircut!3. ONE pair of jeans that fit well.

4. ONE blouse/top that fits well that isn’t a T-shirt. You can dress it up or down.5. ONE sweater to pull it all together.6. ONE awesome purse.7. ONE lovely necklace.

If you get those seven things, one at a time, you will feel great. And then you can always add more pieces to it. I hope that helps, and thank you so much in joining me as we fought the frump!

I’d love to hear what your favorite tip was that you heard this week! Let me know in the comments.

This post contains affiliate links.

Deal of the Day for Moms:

Springtime is just around the corner and Tea Collection has just released new party styles for boys and girls! Browse adorable new dresses like the Blooming Lily Shift Dress or the Sethunya Floral Dress. These dresses are perfect for special occasions or a picnic in the park. Shopping for boys? The Dance Print Shirt is perfect for spring holidays or layered with a tee for a cool surf-inspired look. The Two Oceans Sweater Vest can be worn over a woven shirt or tee. Best of all, save 10% when you shop today! Happy Springtime to you!

Related posts:

Fight the Frump: Finding Clothes That Fit and Flatter
Fight the Frump: Accessorize!
Figuring Out What Clothing is Modest

Fight the Frump: Accessorize!

It’s the last day of our Fight the Frump challenge! We’ve talked about the importance of looking as if you take pride in yourself, finding clothes that fit and flatter, and getting the right bra. Now we’re going to talk about how to put it all together.

On Day 1 I showed a picture of me that was “non-frumpy”, and said that it took me 3 minutes and 53 seconds to get like that. Today I want to talk not about the clothes, but about the rest of it: the jewelry, the makeup, and the hair.

Hair

You can wear awesome clothes, but if your hair isn’t styled nicely, you will tend to look frumpy. Hair is the most important accessory; there’s a reason God said that a woman’s hair is her crowning glory.

I understand wanting to feel feminine, and I know that many women just love long hair. My girls both have long hair, and it’s extremely thick. So I’m not against long hair at all.

It’s just that long hair has the tendency to look frumpy unless you do something with it.

Here’s a little tip: many women think that because they just grow their hair long and straight they don’t need to get it cut. However, when hair goes too long without a trim, it develops major split ends. Those tend to “fly away” from the head, so that your hair doesn’t look neat, even after you brush it. Loose bits are always floating up.

Even if your hair is long, cut it regularly. And my daughters found that when they thinned their hair and layered it, it became so much easier to make it look nice. They use hair straighteners quite frequently, and you can master the technique quite easily. It just keeps hair neater.

If you don’t want to do that, in my giveaway this week you can win a lovely Lilla Rose flexi-clip; go check them out (there’s a video, too). A little bit of hair jewelry looks lovely.

What if your hair isn’t long? My hair takes about 5 minutes from wet to ready to go. That’s it. I put gel and mousse in it, and then I blow dry it like crazy. I try to blow dry it very messy, so that it has a lot of body. Then I can just push it where I want it to go. A little hair spray and I’m all done. Even when I speak I don’t take much longer than 5 minutes. My hair pretty much always looks exactly the same, but I like it because it takes very little effort.

Finding a style that works for you, especially if you have little children and don’t have time to do anything with it, is so important. Get a hairdresser that  you trust and say to them, “do whatever you want.” Honestly. When I go to the hairdresser, I ask Jill, “what are we doing today?” I figure she knows more about hair than I do, so she knows what to do better.

If you go into the hairdresser and say, “I want an easier style, but please don’t cut very much, and no layers”, you aren’t giving the hairdresser much to work with! That’s okay if you’re determined to keep all of your hair, but just realize, then, that you likely won’t come out with an easy style.

So my main point: get a style that you can make look good in relatively short time. If you do have very long hair, trim it frequently, layer it if possible, and get some pretty hair jewelry for days when it’s easier just to put it up.

Jewelry

There is a time and place for everything, and the baby/toddler years may not be the appropriate time for hoop earrings, unless you like having the holes in your ears enlarged. I stopped wearing earrings when my girls were small because they were forever pulling them. I wish in retrospect that I had just kept in studs, because when I did decide to start wearing earrings again I got lots of infections from the holes growing over, etc.

It’s okay to do minimal jewelry, especially with babies. It just doesn’t always work. I find necklaces are wonderful, but if you are going to wear them and you have little kids, make sure you wear a thick chain (I’m about to order this locket, which can hold a lock of my little boy’s hair. The nurses cut some for us the night that he died, and I thought this was a nice thing to do with it. I’ve told my husband I want it for Mother’s Day!) You don’t want something which will break at the first little tug.

When  you’re over the baby years, have fun with necklaces and bracelets and earrings! I’m not a bracelet person, but if you are, go for it. Whatever your personal style is, have fun with it. If you don’t know how to wear jewelry, start with a few pieces that you like. Try to buy chains that have adjustable lengths so that they can work with more styles of top.

On many tops, especially those that are solid colour, a necklace adds that touch that makes it look like an outfit, rather than just something you threw on.

I keep my necklaces hung up in my closet, so that they’re easily accessible and I see them by my clothes. My oldest daughter just created this bulletin board for hers.

If you can see them in the morning, you’ll put them on. If you hunt around in a jewelry box, you won’t.

Belts

I love belts, and they’ve come back into fashion in a big way. In fact, I knit several sweaters (I’m an avid knitter) back in the 80s and 90s when styles were wider, but I’m finding I can wear them again because I can just belt them! So buy a few belts: some wide, some thick, and have fun with them. (I normally wear this with a black one, but I thought I’d show you with a red one for fun).

A few people were saying on Tuesday’s post that they’re more “apple” shape and round, and don’t have a distinctive waist. You can also wear belts up just under the bust line to give you a little more definition, especially if they’re narrow belts. So try that.

I find belts just complete an outfit and make you look so much more put together. (UPDATE: Here’s what my daughter was wearing when she came downstairs to go to work today:)

Without the belt, the outfit wouldn’t work nearly as well. (Note: no one is allowed to notice the dirty dishes in the background).

Start with a brown and a black belt that will fit through jeans loops–the basics. Then add a black belt that’s thicker. And then, if you find you enjoy them, buy thin belts in different colors. Again, you’re more likely to wear them if you can see them, so hang them on a hanger or on hooks in your closet.

Make Up

I’ve left makeup for last because it’s the most controversial. Many women said in comments earlier this week that their husbands don’t like them in makeup, and I understand. If that’s the case, and if you don’t like it, you certainly don’t need to wear it.

I would advise, though, that everyone wear a good moisturizer with an SPF of at least 20 in it if you’re going outside. It just is healthier, and it does prevent wrinkles. Start this when you’re 30, and your 50-year-old self will one day thank you.

I don’t wear much makeup on a daily basis if I’m at home, but makeup does not have to take very long at all. If you don’t know how to apply it or what to apply, go to a department store or an upscale drug store, and the woman at the makeup counter will  usually give you a free application and lesson. We’ve become quite friendly with one of the women who works at Shoppers Drug Mart near us, and I’m always going in for new lessons on how to do eye shadow. It’s free! We just try to buy all our makeup there to be fair.

I want to show  you, though, why even a little bit of makeup can make a big difference (and can protect your skin).

Here’s me with nothing:

Here’s me with a moisturizing foundation with SPF, some blush, some lip gloss, and some mascara:

Hardly any color at all, and very natural, but it looks so much more even and sparkling. Often when people say, “I like the natural look” or “I don’t like makeup”, what they really mean is “I don’t like blue eyeshadow or heavy eye liner”. And makeup does not have to be that at all. If you want no colour, you don’t need to put on colour. But taking just a few minutes (and this really takes a minute and a half maximum) just makes you look more put together.

Again, makeup is your personal choice. I’m not trying to say that every woman needs to wear it. But it does even out the skin tone and helps us look more intentional about our appearance. If that would give you a confidence boost, why not try it?

I’m so glad you’ve chosen to Fight the Frump with me this week! Remember that if you didn’t enter the contest yet, you can go and leave a comment on the first Fight the Frump post (the details are at the bottom). And you could win a pile of my books, plus tuition to my new online 6-week class on The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex that’s starting April 8! I hope you all can join me! I’ll do the draw for the prizes on Saturday night.

ModCloth has one of the coolest new contests going on the web right now! From today through 7 AM PST on 3/18, ModCloth is inviting community members to check out their brand new Style Gallery, upload a photo, love images and share the looks that inspire them throughout the week of 3/11-3/18. The image that gains the highest community-generated loves will win the top prize of a $100 ModCloth gift card! The other exciting part, you ask? Two random lovers of that winning image will also each score a $50 gift card! Head over to ModCloth right now to participate in the Style Gallery or maybe just check out all of the great fashions available!

This is kind of neat–you can “win” $50 just by “liking” an image. If you liked some of the clothes I featured on Tuesday, head on over to enter to win!

Related posts:

Fight the Frump: Get Dressed!
Fight the Frump: Finding Clothes That Fit and Flatter
Hot vs. Pretty

Wifey Wednesday: Choosing Lingerie that Makes You Feel Confident

It’s Wednesday, the day when we talk marriage! I introduce a subject, and then you all can comment or link up a marriage post in the linky below!

This week we’ve been “fighting the frump”. We talked about the importance of taking pride in your appearance and not looking sloppy, and in finding clothes that fit and flatter. And if you’ve decided to join me in this challenge, don’t forget to sign up my leaving a comment on Monday’s post! One lucky winner will receive a pile of my books, but best of all tuition to my online, 6-week course on The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex, starting Monday, April 8.

One thing that I have found makes a tremendous difference in both my confidence levels and how I look is having the right bra. And that can help your marriage–because when you’re more confident about how you look, you’re more confident in the bedroom! A little lingerie can make everyone feel wonderful, but today I want to focus mostly on bras, because they’re the trickiest. So today let’s talk about “foundational undergarments”.

A bra is supposed to lift and separate, so to speak. They’re supposed to stand HIGH. A good bra will give support and shape to you, and create a nice line for your figure. You’re not supposed to have four boobs. If you have four, it’s because you’re wearing too tight a bra and you’re spilling out. You’re not supposed to spill out the side, under your arms, either. You’re not supposed to sag. You’re not supposed to feel as if your bra is riding up if you lift your arms.

Why do these things happen? Most people wear bras that don’t really fit. Many of us simply don’t know our bra size. Here’s a YouTube video that can help you figure that out (Warning: does feature a woman in a bra, but it’s tastefully done and obviously for educational purposes. And the bra is modest):

One line I really love from the video: she’s talking about how many women who are bigger don’t like getting bras because it makes them feel fat. But she says, “Actually, a properly fitted bra can make you look slimmer, because it pushes the breasts up and shows off your rib cage.” So don’t be afraid of going up to the proper cup size!

Need that chart she mentioned about converting your measurement into a band size? You can find one here. And there’s another video about sizing bras there as well.

Once you know your size, what should you do?

Bra Tips

1. A new bra should fit comfortably when it is done up at the LOOSEST setting. That’s because bras, over time, stretch. If it fits comfortably at the loosest setting, then when it stretches, you can start fastening it tighter to compensate. If you buy a bra that has to be done up on the tightest one already, it’s almost guaranteed that in a few months that bra won’t be providing much support.

2. The straps are there for a reason. Adjust them. I find that I have to adjust mine every few weeks a little bit to keep a nice, firm fit. Bras stretch, so straps may have to get tighter. You want them to be right against your skin, not gaping anywhere. Don’t just set them once and forget about them. If your straps fall over your shoulder a lot, that’s a sign they should be tightened.

3. Small chested women can look great in a good bra! I’m in this category. I am the farthest thing from being well-endowed, but I’ve found that buying a padded bra that fits (not a push up, that’s too much) gives me some great shape and makes me feel so much better. If you’re on the smaller side, that doesn’t mean that you can’t look good in lingerie! You just need to find the right one. Lula Lu has a complete line for women who are A and AA cups.

4. Get the proper band size–even if it’s hard. Go for the smallest band size that fits well, because, as I said, bras stretch. Here’s something that thinner (not necessarily small busted, just thinner) women need to realize: the bras that you can buy in Sears, Wal-Mart, etc. may not actually fit. I have family members who will remain nameless who can’t find the right bra because technically they should be wearing a 30 band size, and most bras start at 34 (a few start at 32, but only a very few). So if you shop at a department store, your bras will always be slightly loose, so when you raise your arms the bra rides up (not comfortable).

So these girls buy all their bras online, where you can get band sizes as small as 28. Much more comfortable and flattering!

Other women may also have this problem for another reason: they’re very busty, but in order to find a cup size that fits, they have to go up to very large band sizes. So if they’re an F cup, for example, stores may not have those in 32 or 34. So  you end up buying a 38 DDD, which does manage to cover everything. But it doesn’t support well because it’s just not tight enough around your rib cage. In that case, you, too, might be better off taking proper measurements and figuring out your actual bra size, and then buying online.

5. Play around a bit with sizes. If you find that your bra size comes out to be a 38C, for instance, but that just isn’t comfortable, go down a band size and up a cup size. So a 38C woman will often also fit a 36D bra. Or a 34B will fit a 32C. Generally you should go for the size that all those fancy measurements say you should be, but sometimes certain styles of bras look better and feel better with that little trick.

6. Scoop and Separate. I learned this trick in a lingerie store, and boy, does it work! You’re going to do it with me now: Take off your shirt so you’re just wearing your bra and stand in front of a mirror. Now, with your right hand, reach under your left breast (your hand is between the bra and your breast). Lift that breast up a bit. Now look at the difference between the left and the right breast! One is standing up so much higher! Do this with both sides every time you put on a bra and you’ll feel great all day.

7. Try Some New Styles. There are push up bras. Underwire bras. Padded bras with underwire. Padded bras with no underwire. Lacy bras with no padding. Sometimes we get used to the type of bra we wore when we were first teenagers, and then we never really try any others. I’ve tried on a ton, and I can tell you that I love lightly padded and hate no shaping at all. I just don’t have the chest for it. But I hate push ups, too, because they just feel too big and that’s not me. But I would never have known that I liked the padded ones unless I had first tried them. So don’t be afraid to try something new! And sometimes it’s nice to have different bra styles for different purposes, too.

8. Ask for Help. Many clerks in department stores/lingerie stores are happy to measure you and help you find proper bras that fit. An online resource I’ve found which is just AWESOME (and gave me suggestions I had never thought of before) is from Her Room lingerie. Basically, you answer a whole series of questions about the shape of your chest, rib cage, etc. etc., and then at the end they give some suggestions about what to look for in a bra that will suit you. I had never even thought of some of these things before, but I do have an issue with my bra straps falling off of my shoulders quite a bit because I have very narrow shoulders that are also slightly sloped. They had some good suggestions. It’s a fun test to take. After you complete it they give you a really detailed analysis with some tips, and a 10% off coupon code to use there.

How to Make Bras Last

I’ve had several bras for six years. They fit now as well as they did when I bought them (I just do them up a little tighter and I’ve adjusted the straps). How does that happen? One simple trick: I never, ever put my bras in the washer and dryer. Ever. I hand wash them.

That sounds time consuming, but it really isn’t that bad. You just stick all your bras in the bathroom sink with a little bit of gentle lingerie cleaning powder, and then you let them soak for a bit. Rinse well, and put the bras on a towel on your floor. Roll up the towel, and most of the water comes out. Hang the bras to dry. You’re all set to go!

The reason bras stretch and lose their shape is because of the dryer. If you keep your good bras out of the washer and dryer, they’ll last beautifully. (I don’t put my T-shirts in the dryer, either, and those last years).

Invest in Good Bras

Like I said in my post yesterday, I don’t care where you get your clothes as long as they fit and flatter. And if you would rather by lower quality clothing, and replace it more often, that’s fine, too.

But when it comes to bras, investing in something that fits and supports well is so important. It really does make a world of difference. And if you take care when you wash them, you’ll find that they do last. That means that you may have to spend at least $35 or $40 on a good bra, but it honestly is so worth it.

Remember to try the test at Her Room and get the 10% off coupon!

Tell me: what do you find most challenging about bras?

Now it’s your turn! Leave the URL of a marriage post you’ve written in the linky below. And then grab my Wifey Wednesday blog button and post it on your site, so other people can come back here and find other great marriage posts.

Sheila is the author of The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex. Don’t miss her 6-week in-depth class on the book, starting April 8!

This post contains affiliate links.

Related posts:

Wifey Wednesday: How He Makes Me Feel Safe
Wifey Wednesday: A Valentine’s Day He’ll Love
Wifey Wednesday: When Sex Doesn’t Feel That Great