Jennifer Flanders's Blog, page 21

Marriage Wisdom: Be Mindful of the Small Things

Today’s post is excepted from Marriage Wisdom for Her: A 31 Day Devotional by Lisa Jacobson (used by permission). You can read more from Lisa at Club 31 Women, or follow her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter.

The wise wife prevents small things from becoming big things by caring about the details that matter to her husband.

How can one jar of peanut butter cause so much trouble?

That’s what I wanted to know. Because apparently, it was a big problem. He made that quite clear.

My husband was fed up with the sticky, slimy mess dripping down the sides of the peanut butter jar and insisted that we put a stop to the madness. “Why can’t we keep this jar clean?! There’s no reason we should live like this, and it’s driving me nuts!”

He didn’t yell, but I could tell by his tone that he really meant it.

Oh, but there was a very good reason as far as I was concerned, and I protested his somewhat ridiculous request.

There were actually eight good reasons. You see, we have eight children, and one mother can hardly be expected to keep on top of everything. They all make their own peanut butter sandwiches. Even the three youngest boys. Why so unreasonable? So demanding?

Now on his behalf, I have to tell you that my husband is not a complainer. He doesn’t make negative remarks about my cooking. He doesn’t complain about having to throw on his robe in the morning and search for essential items in the laundry room. He’s even good about patiently sitting in the car and waiting for me to get out the front door. And that can be a pretty long wait sometimes.

But the goopy peanut butter container? That just about does him in.

And I basically communicated to him, “Sorry. But that’s just the way it has to be.” That we were going to have to learn to live with it. That he was asking the impossible.

I left him in the kitchen, feeling quite justified in my defensive and somewhat huffy response.

Except for one thing…

I left the kitchen to recover and regroup in our front sitting room — our “parlor,” as we call my very favorite room in the house. It’s my special place; in the parlor, we have pretty pillows, a tea tray, and a clear glass coffee table.

The kids are not allowed to eat in this room. No electronic gadgets, either. No LEGO bricks, dirty socks, or rollerblades are permitted in the parlor.

I love this room.

So are you beginning to wonder how it is that I can keep an entire room looking pristine even though we have eight children? With a glass coffee table, no less?

Well, it’s because it’s important to me. Really important.

But I can’t keep the peanut butter jar wiped down?

Right. That’s the question that got to me, too. You see, I have this tendency to take my priorities very seriously. And this room is one of those. Not only that, but when the rest of my family does their best to keep it the way I like it?

It makes me happy. I feel respected. Maybe even loved.

I know. It’s a small thing.

But it’s a big deal to me to keep my parlor perfect, if at all possible.

So maybe I don’t understand why all the fuss over the sloppy peanut butter jar. But if it’s important to him? Makes him happy? Feel respected? Maybe even loved…?

Then I can do this one small thing. In fact, I’m determined to have the cleanest peanut butter jar in town.

And if your husband also has those “little things” that bother him? Consider the ways you can make them your priority, too.

“Let each of you look out not only for his [or her] own interests, but also for the interests of others.” (Philippians 2:4)

This post came straight out of Lisa Jacobson’s wonderful book Marriage Wisdom for Her: A 31 Day Devotional.

When I first read this chapter, I felt almost as if Lisa had been writing about my family instead of her own. I, too, have a husband who rarely complains, but feels extra loved and respected when I tend to the relatively few small things that are important to him. And sadly, I’ve also been known to make excuses for neglecting stuff that matters to him while faithfully attending to the things that are important to me.

So Lisa’s words bring both conviction and encouragement. If fact, her whole book is like that, and I would highly recommend reading it if you have not done so already.

I’m all about building up marriages any way I can, so I contacted Lisa about doing a joint “Grow Your Marriage” giveaway for Valentine’s Day. Of course, she and I are both busy homeschool moms, so I’m later getting this posted than I’d originally planned. The giveaway won’t end until the week after Valentine’s is over — but that’s okay, because for a marriage to thrive, it doesn’t just need to be nurtured on February 14, but on the other 364 days of the year, as well.

If you are interested in doing the same, you can use the rafflecopter widget below and enter to win our marriage book bundle — two for husbands and two for wives. The 31-Day Marriage Wisdom Devotionals are written by Lisa and her husband, Matt; the 25 Ways to Show Love and Respect Handbooks are written by me and my husband, Doug.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

The Jacobsons have been married 25 years and Doug and I’ve been married 30, so we have 55 years of lessons between us — some taken straight out of scripture, some gleaned from godly parents and mentors, others learned the hard way by trial and error, but all guaranteed to improve your relationship with your spouse if taken to heart and prayerfully put into practice.

The post Marriage Wisdom: Be Mindful of the Small Things appeared first on Loving Life at Home.

5 Things Radical Feminists Got (Almost) Right

Source: The pink Lady Liberty came from Pop Sugar’s free printable protest poster

Although crowds at the Women’s March seemed a little thinner this year, many participants were wearing the same pink caps, waving the same homemade signs, and chanting the same tired slogans as they did last January.

The more things change, the more they stay the same.

Some of the posters were blatantly false — “Women are Perfect” (that’s just wishful thinking) and “Not my President” (if you’re a US citizen, he most certainly is) come to mind — but others made points that merit further discussion.

In fact, if more people lived by the following principles instead of just shouting them in the streets once a year, the world would be a better place for everybody in it.

5 Feminist Slogans that Make a Lot of Sense:


“Everybody Deserves Respect”

Every person is of infinite value in the sight of God and should therefore be treated with utmost dignity and respect. This is true, in fact, even if that person does not see eye-to-eye with you on every (or any) issue. Even if his political views vary widely from your own. Even if her life choices look radically different. Even if he’s not the person you’d hoped would be sitting in the Oval Office at this particular juncture in time. Everybody means everybody.

Although this concept seems completely foreign to many activists these days, treating others with respect does not mean you have to agree with everything they say or endorse everything they do.

Our family was interviewed last summer for an upcoming BBC documentary, and one of the things the star of the show (Miriam Margolyes) asked me during the taping was my opinion of Barack Obama.

“He’s very charismatic,” I told her. “Obviously intelligent, nice looking, a great speaker — it’s easy to see why so many people love him. But I strongly disagreed with the vast majority of his policies.”

I could pray for President Obama (and I did). I could write him letters (and I did). I could work to elect senators and representatives who would hopefully counterbalance some of his liberal leanings (and I did). But there was no denying he was my president for the eight years he was in office, and it would never have occurred to me to pretend otherwise.

And if I had ever been given the opportunity to meet him face to face, I would have smiled, shaken his hand, told him what an honor it was to make his acquaintance… and politely urged him to reconsider his stance on whichever issue seemed most pressing at the time.

“Equal means Equal”

Yes, it does. This is a straight-up, mathematical fact.

With reference to the present discussion, equal means women have the same intrinsic value as men, should be treated with the same courtesy and respect, and possess the same inalienable rights.

What equal does not and never will mean, however, is identical. Very real physical and emotional differences between the sexes do exist, and it is both shortsighted and dangerous to ignore that fact.

It is foolish to lobby for equal treatment in the workplace under the assumption that “a woman can do any job a man can do,” then cry discrimination when she’s unable to meet the same fitness requirements as her male counterparts, as is often the case for soldiers and firefighters, who require a tremendous amount of upper body strength in order to haul fallen comrades off the battlefield or unconscious victims out of burning buildings. (Lots of men can’t even make the cut for those tough jobs, yet women sue to have the standard sufficiently lowered for them to reach it. How does that prove we’re equal?)

It is also recklessly double-minded to insist a women can enjoy casual sex with as much abandon as a man, then allow her to file sexual assault charges if/when she later regrets what at the time was a consensual hook-up. This is not equality; it is insanity. Complete madness. And it trivializes the very real experiences of those who have been victims of true sexual discrimination or assault.

“Love Trumps Hate”

This is so much more than a beautiful sentiment. It is Gospel Truth. Love will always triumph over hate. Moreover, as 1 Corinthians 13 tells us,

Love is patient, love is kind and… does not act unbecomingly; it… is not provoked… does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.

Unfortunately, if love is the goal, many feminists are missing the mark. Love trumps hate, but the outrage, vitriol, and name-calling on display at the Women’s March last week seem more akin to the latter than the former. Protestors rallied under the cry, “Stay angry!”

Judging by the nasty slurs and expletives plastered across placards the participants were waving (I even saw one that read “Crucify the Fascist Christian Right”), it would appear that hatred is not only tolerated in these ranks, but welcomed and encouraged. The love is much harder to spot in the crowd.

“Science > Opinion”

This has always been the case. It doesn’t matter if the whole world believes the earth is flat, that doesn’t make it so. Ditto for the notion that the universe happened by chance or that man descended from apes or that a (human) fetus isn’t human or that children can choose their own sex or that stricter gun laws prevent violence or that casual sex is somehow healthy or that the kids will be fine after the divorce.

Science — real science — is greater than public opinion (and much less volatile). It is intellectually honest, admits its own limitations, does not promote “best guesses” as proven facts, and refuses to cling to debunked theories just because it’s politically correct to do so.

I saw a good corollary to the “Science > Opinion” slogan printed on another placard: “Science is Not a Liberal Conspiracy.” Sadly, the same cannot be said for pseudo-science, pop psychology, and social engineering, all of which are given far more credence in certain circles than rigorously-tested, evidence-based research these days.

“The Future is Female”

Insofar as females are essential for humankind to have any future at all, this slogan is technically accurate (and is also a good argument against sex-selective abortions, since girl babies are targeted far more often then boys by parents who prefer one sex over the other).

Of course, it would be equally correct to claim the future is male, since without men, the human race would also come to an abrupt end. That is why it is imperative that modern day men and women learn to get along, to value one another’s contributions, and to work together to build a better world.

The opposite sex is not our enemy, and we need to stop acting as if it were.

[Source: The pink Lady Liberty came from Pop Sugar’s free printable protest poster]

The post 5 Things Radical Feminists Got (Almost) Right appeared first on Loving Life at Home.

The Good News about Marriage

When my husband and I first moved to East Texas 20 years ago, we were part of a vibrant and growing community at our church called the Young Families Class. We forged many close and lasting friendships with the people there, meeting for Bible study on Sunday mornings and in small groups during the week.

Over time, many of those families — including our own — moved away or became involved in other ministries and no longer saw one another on a weekly basis. But thanks to social media and small-town living, we kept in touch and, about a year ago, gathered together for a reunion.

Do you know what impressed me the most about seeing all these friends together again? The fact that, of the 57 couples who attended Sunday school together during that season of our lives, 55 are still married.

Still faithfully committed to one another.

Still serving the Lord together.

When my husband and I counted them up, we thought it had to be some kind of record. Especially since we’d always heard, as you’ve most likely heard as well, that even Christian marriages have only a 50% survival rate — a disheartening statistic we’ve always accepted at face value.

Yet those dismal numbers do not line up with our personal experience at all.

Marriages are faring far better than projected.

Based on calculations from our Young Families Class, marriages among our Christian friends have better than a 96% survival rate. Sure, we’ve known couples — far too many couples, in fact — who’ve wound up in divorce court. But with rare exception, those failed marriages are occurring in a different circle of friends than the committed Christians who sit next to us in church every Sunday.

And that’s not just true of this particular Young Families Class. That’s how it has been in every church I’ve ever attended my entire life.

Well, as it turns out, this is less of an anomaly than it seems. Marriages across the board are faring better than we’ve long been led to believe.

According to The Good News about Marriage, a rigorously researched book by Shanti Feldhahn and Tally Whitehead, the actual divorce rate has never even come close to 50%, and it’s even lower for Christians who actively live out their faith (as evidenced by regular church attendance, personal Bible study and prayer, etc).

In other words, what you say you believe doesn’t count for nearly as much as what you do about it.

Actions speak louder than words.

That makes sense. We all know that repeating a vow to “love, honor, and cherish for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part” counts for little unless we intentionally choose to remain faithful to that promise day after day, month after month, year after year.

But, thanks to their faith in God, Christians have access to a limitless supply of the grit and grace necessary to keep loving and respecting and forgiving their spouse, even when doing so in their own strength might seem impossible.

While Feldhahn’s book spends a lot of time discussing statistics — the actual (rather than projected) divorce rates and what they mean — my favorite chapters were those that offered findings-based advice for improving one’s own marriage.

She notes that it’s often the little things that make or break a marriage. Her research has shown that “most marriage problems can be fixed by small changes” in the way husbands and wives relate to one another.

She also observes what a powerful thing hope is. Knowing that other couples have survived similar challenges (and remain happily married on the other side) can strengthen, inspire, and reassure struggling couples that they, too, can persevere when the going gets tough.

Want more practical advice on attending to those little things that help a marriage not only survive, but thrive?

Take our Love & Respect Challenge.

Get companion copies of our marriage books: 25 Ways to Show Love to Your Wife and 25 Ways to Communicate Respect to Your Husband (affiliate links). If you will read just one chapter a week and focus on consistently implementing the principle taught (using the action steps provided) before you move on to the next chapter, you’ll see your relationship blossom this year in ways you never dreamed possible.

The post The Good News about Marriage appeared first on Loving Life at Home.

My New Year’s Resolution: Continue in Prayer

As December was drawing to a close, I felt more and more impressed that I need to devote the New Year to sincere, fervent, and continued prayer. So when my friend shared with me the following passage from Charles Spurgeon on prayer, I took it as confirmation that my thinking was correct.

Spurgeon has always had a special place in my heart. Back when my husband and I were dating, we spent many an evening reading and discussing Spurgeon’s sermons. In fact, the very first Christmas gift Doug ever gave me was a 10-volume set of this famous preacher’s published works.

As with so many topics he addressed, Spurgeon’s thoughts on prayer are spot on. I’ve taken the liberty of reprinting the entire passage my friend sent me below. Read and see whether you find it as convicting as I do.

Spurgeon writes:

It is interesting to remark how large a portion of Sacred Writ is occupied with the subject of prayer, either in furnishing examples, enforcing precepts, or pronouncing promises. We scarcely open the Bible before we read, ‘Then began men to call upon the name of the Lord;’ and just as we are about to close the volume, the ‘Amen’ of an earnest supplication meets our ear.

Instances are plentiful. Here we find a wrestling Jacob — there a Daniel who prayed three times a day — and a David who with all his heart called upon his God. On the mountain we see Elias; in the dungeon Paul and Silas.

We have multitudes of commands, and myriads of promises. What does this teach us, but the sacred importance and necessity of prayer? We may be certain that whatever God has made prominent in His Word, He intended to be conspicuous in our lives.

If He has said much about prayer, it is because He knows we have much need of it. So deep are our necessities, that until we are in heaven we must not cease to pray.

Dost thou want nothing? Then, I fear thou dost not know thy poverty. Hast thou no mercy to ask of God? Then, may the Lord’s mercy show Thee thy misery! A prayerless soul is a Christless soul.

Prayer is the lisping of the believing infant, the shout of the fighting believer, the requiem of the dying saint falling asleep in Jesus. It is the breath, the watchword, the comfort, the strength, the honour of a Christian.

If thou be a child of God, thou wilt seek thy Father’s love. Pray that this year thou mayst be holy, humble, zealous, and patient; have closer communion with Christ, and enter oftener into the banqueting-house of His love.

Pray that thou mayst be an example and a blessing unto others, and that thou mayst live more to the glory of the Master. The motto for this year must be, ‘Continue in prayer.’

Continue in prayer

Isn’t that a great New Year’s resolution? God has given us free access to His throne room and bids us come and cast our burdens at His feet. Won’t you join me in doing that this year?

Let’s commit to continue in prayer. (Colossians 4:2) And as we pray, let us pray expectantly, for “this is the confidence that we have before Him: If we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we already possess what we have asked of Him.” (1 John 5:14-15)

To read more on this topic, check out these posts:

Our starting point
Pray hardest when it’s hardest to pray
The Secret

The post My New Year’s Resolution: Continue in Prayer appeared first on Loving Life at Home.

On Remembering to Say Thank You

Well, we survived another Halloween. Rain kept all but the most determined trick-or-treaters away this year, but close to a hundred costumed cuties still showed up on our doorstep begging for candy.

The majority of them thanked us sweetly as we dropped the treats into their buckets and bags, although it took a little parental prodding for some to remember that simple courtesy. A few of the trick-or-treaters forgot their manners altogether, grabbing what we offered and dashing away without a word.

Whether that’s because they were so excited about getting free candy that it slipped their minds, or so tanked up on sugar that they weren’t thinking clearly, or so desperate to get out of the rain that they forwent the formalities, I don’t know, but their behavior got me to thinking about all the times I’ve forgotten to say thanks myself. All the times I’ve taken the kindness of others or the goodness of God for granted.

Gratitude begs to be expressed

Robert Brault once wrote, “There is no such thing as gratitude unexpressed. If it is unexpressed, it is plain, old-fashioned ingratitude.” Ouch! That stings, doesn’t it?

So as we roll into November, I’m determined to slow down, to count my blessings, to think on all the wonderful gifts I’ve been given in life, both by God and by my fellow man, and to say a heartfelt THANK YOU.

I’m determined to follow the Biblical command: “In everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” (1 Thessalonians 5:18)

Want to join me? We can treat it like a treasure hunt: We’ll look for the good, search out the ways God has lavished His grace and mercy upon us, note all the kind and thoughtful things others do on our behalf, and be thankful.

But we’ll need to take it one step further than that, and actually say thanks.

Say the words: Thank You

Has your spouse been especially patient or helpful lately?

Say thank you.
Did your coworker greet you with a cheerful smile?

Let her know she brightened your day.
Does your pastor prepare a new sermon each week?

Tell him how much you appreciate his faithfulness.
Does your neighbor keep a well-manicured lawn?

Thank him for working so hard to keep your neighborhood looking nice.
Did your waitress take good care of you at lunchtime?

Express your gratitude (and leave her generous tip, as well).

For my part, I want to use written words to express my appreciation whenever I can. I’ve always been a big letter writer, so such a goal makes great sense to me: I’ll write one thank you note a day for the entire month of November. That should put me in the proper frame of mind before it’s time to carve the turkey!

When we are intentional about cultivating gratitude, we not only make life pleasanter for those around us, but we reap significant benefits ourselves.

Grateful people are happy people.

Let me repeat: Grateful people are happy people.

They are joyful and content and filled with empathy and appreciation for others.

Grateful people take the self-focused sense of entitlement that is so prevalent in our culture today and turn it completely inside out and upside down. That kind of heart change comes only by the grace of God, but it has the power to transform your life and to change the world.

And it all starts with accepting a Gift and gratefully acknowledging the Giver.

What blessings have you been taking for granted? Have you ever been treated with kindness and forgotten to say thank you? Tell me about it in the comments below. But even more importantly — whether you communicate your gratitude in spoken words or put it into a written note — remember to thank the kind person responsible as soon as you possibly can!

Blessings,

Jennifer

PS. Want more ideas for cultivating an attitude of gratitude? Check out my new devotional journal for Thanksgiving:

The post On Remembering to Say Thank You appeared first on Loving Life at Home.

On Being a Good Neighbor

One of the first things that attracted our family to Tyler, Texas — besides the beautiful azaleas — was the friendliness of the people who live here.

When we first moved to town twenty years ago, we could barely go to the grocery store without somebody in the checkout line inviting us to their church when they found out we were newcomers. We were even paid a home visit by the “City Hostess” who gave us a packet of information on the history of Tyler, shared coupons and recommendations for local attractions, and answered our every question about life in East Texas.

Things haven’t changed much over the past two decades in that regard. We moved into a new house this time last year and for weeks had a steady stream of neighbors drop in to introduce themselves and welcome us to the neighborhood.

Most of them came bearing gifts. By the time we’d met them all, we’d received countless batches of cookies and brownies, a beautiful house plant (still thriving 12 months later), candles, tea towels, books, and several delicious home cooked meals.

Since that time, we’ve gotten to know those in closest proximity to us even better. We’ve been in their homes and had them in ours. We’ve rejoiced with them in times of celebration and cried with them in times of grief. We’ve shared gardening tips and culls and seedlings and marveled over the size of armadillos and opossums that have wandered into the live traps between our yards before being relocated by the city.

We are so very grateful for all our sweet neighbors, past and present, and when we aim at being a good neighbor, we’re mainly concern ourselves with the folks who live closest to us.

But Jesus had a much broader definition in mind when commanded us to “love your neighbor as you love yourself,” which He made abundantly clear in His story of the good Samaritan. Remember him? The stranger who showed mercy to the traveler who’d been robbed and left for dead at the side of the road? He cleaned and bandaged the victim’s wounds and carried him by donkey to a place where he would be well-tended as he recuperated.

Other travelers had seen the beaten man in need of help, but had hurried by without stopping to render aid. They were too busy to be bothered. Does that passage ever convict you as it convicts me? If there’s one thing I understand as the mother of 12, it’s being busy!

But I also understand that there are many ways to help in time of need. We may not be able to drop everything and drive to Houston to rip up carpet in flooded homes after a hurricane or fly to Mexico City to dig survivors out of the rubble after an earthquake, but we can write a check. We can pray. We can drop a few packages of new socks and underwear in a collection box. We can support those who do go.

Can you imagine what a wonderful place the world would be if we all loved our neighbors – every one of them – like we love ourselves? If we had compassion, not only for those whose property borders our own, but for the ones who live in the next county or the next country or on the other side of the globe?

But change starts at home. Since today (September 28) is National Good Neighbor Day, perhaps we should ask ourselves, “What kind of neighbor will I choose to be?”

Please Note: This article first appeared in Family Matters, a weekly column I write for the Tyler Morning Telegraph.

The post On Being a Good Neighbor appeared first on Loving Life at Home.

A Prayer for Revival

I’ve felt a special burden lately to pray for revival. Unless God revives hearts, all our other efforts will be in vain:

I believe Christians should be politically active, but my hope does not rest in governmental reform.
I believe Christians have a responsibility to help the needy, but social programs won’t solve our problems.
I (obviously) believe it’s a good idea for Christians to marry and have children, but apart from God’s grace and mercy, even those relationships will fail.

Family values. Community service. Political reform. They all have their place, but none of those things can fully resolve the deep troubles plaguing our world today. For that, we need changed hearts, so heart-change is what I’m praying for, starting with my own.

What we really need is REVIVAL:
R = Rekindled love for God

Set my soul afire, Lord, & renew the love I had for you in the beginning. May the fondness I feel for everything else in life pale in comparison to my burning desire to know & love You more. (Revelation 2:4-5, 3:15-17; Matthew 10:37; Mark 12:30)

E = Enthusiasm for Worship

May my life be a sacrifice of praise to You, O God. May I enter Your gates with thanksgiving & come before Your presence with singing. Teach me to worship You in Spirit & in truth—not just at church on Sundays, but all week long. (Hebrews 13:15; Psalm 34:1-3, 100:1-4; John 4:24)

V = Vigilance in Prayer

Teach me to pray without ceasing, boldly approaching the throne of grace in the power of the Holy Spirit. Help me not to be anxious, but to cast my cares at the foot of the cross, trusting Christ to intercede on my behalf. (1 Thessalonians 5:17; Ephesians 6:18; 1 Peter 5:7; Romans 8:26, 34)

I = In-depth Bible Study

Create in me an insatiable hunger for Your Word, O God. Teach me to love it as I love life itself. Help me to hide its truths in my heart & meditate upon it day and night. Make me a doer of the Word rather than a forgetful hearer. (Matthew 5:6; Psalm 119:97-98; James 1:23)

V = Victory over Sin

Help me to lay aside every encumbrance & the sin that so easily entangles me. Keep me mindful of the fact that Jesus has purchased my freedom from sin—I’m no longer enslaved. Teach me to consider myself dead to sin but alive to You. (Hebrews 12:1; Romans 6:1-7)

A = Affection for Others

Jesus said people will know we are Christians by our love. Make that true in my life, O God! Teach me to value others above myself & to consider their needs as more important than my own. Make me a channel of blessing; love others through me. (John 13:34-35; Philippians 2:2-4)

L = Life of Faith

Don’t allow me to compartmentalize my faith, but let it influence & inform every aspect of my life. Teach me to walk by faith, not by sight. May everything I am & all that I do bring glory & honor to You, Lord, & point others to Jesus. (James 2:17-20; 2 Corinthians 5:7; 1 Corinthians 10:31)

Would you like to join me in this prayer? I’ve created a free printable to make it easy for you to do so:

[click on image to print]

The wonderful thing about praying for revival is that the heart God usually revives first belongs to the person praying. And that’s a good thing. It reminds me of an old hymn we used to sing in the little Baptist church where I grew up.

Send a revival, O Christ my Lord,

Let it go over the land and sea;

Send it according to Thy dear Word,

And let it begin in me!

Unfortunately, neither that song nor the sentiment is very popular any more. I couldn’t find it in any of the half-dozen modern hymnals I own, but I eventually tracked down the lyrics on the Internet and have been singing that old camp-meeting song around the house ever since. It goes something like this:

http://lovinglifeathome.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/Send-a-Revival-9_3_17-7.19-PM.m4a
Lord, Send a Revival (click on the arrow to listen)

My husband tells me it sounds sort of old fashioned. He’s right. Such a tune is unlikely to make any Top 40’s charts these days, but the prayer it contains is powerful:

Send a revival in every heart,

Draw the world nearer O Lord to Thee.

Let Thy salvation true joy impart,

And let it begin in me!

I love the way the lyricist (B.B. McKinney) acknowledges his own need in the matter: Lord, my heart needs reviving, too! Help me to turn away from sin and let me draw nearer unto Your throne.

Such an admission of personal need is uncommon. It’s easier to think society’s faults lie with somebody else. As Leo Tolstoy once observed:

Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.

Yet it doesn’t have to be an either/or proposition: changing the world or changing myself. When we pray for God to send revival, we effectively do both.

The post A Prayer for Revival appeared first on Loving Life at Home.

On Creme-Filled Donuts & Other Causes for Celebration

[photo credit: Matti Flanders]

Have you ever noticed there’s a quirky holiday for just about everything under the sun? My family once tried to think of something outlandish that didn’t already have a commemorative day assigned to it, and we couldn’t do it. Every implausible idea we googled was already a thing!

National Make a Hat Day. Dogs in Politics Day. International Talk Like a Pirate Day. National Crush a Can Day. Those are all real calendar events. In fact, they are all in September, as is one of our family’s favorites, National Crème-Filled Donut Day. (That one’s today!)

Once a year is about as often as my husband and I can tolerate crème-filled donuts any more, but there was a time in our lives when those calorie-dense confections were standard fare.

Back in college, we both joined a gym and worked out together two or three times a week. And by workout, I mean we spent about fifteen minutes lifting weights, five jogging on the treadmill, and the rest of our time sitting in the hot tub.

Then we’d change into dry clothes and drive across the street to Dunkin Donuts (conveniently located on the corner opposite the gym) where we’d split an even dozen — six for him and six for me. Chocolate éclairs, Boston crèmes, donuts filled with raspberry jelly or lemon curd and rolled in powdered sugar. Yum!

Not exactly a grueling workout, I know, but I still managed to lose 30 pounds on that plan (all the weight the dorm cafeteria had packed on during my short-and-studious-but-sedentary stay on campus). Moreover, after just one month of minimal weightlifting, my muscles felt as hard as rocks. Such is the metabolism of a twenty-something.

Fast forward thirty years, and now I can barely think of a crème-filled donut without gaining weight. If I knew then what I know now, I would have skipped the donuts for an all-fruit smoothie or maybe even a plate of raw veggies and hummus. Double-yum!

Why is it that we have such a hard time fully appreciating things (like toned muscles and high metabolisms) until they’re gone?

What we lack is perspective.

If the toddler-mom could see through the eyes of an empty nester, perhaps she’d be less inclined to complain about childhood messes and sleepless nights.

If the young wife could see through the eyes of a lonely widow, maybe her husband’s dirty socks on the floor would be less of an irritation.

If the family in a starter home could see through the eyes of people who just lost everything to a hurricane, maybe they’d be more appreciative of their small closets and single bath.

If the average American could spend a single week in a war-torn country under a truly oppressive regime — and live to tell about it! — perhaps we’d better understand just how blessed we are to live in the USA, even if our President is a little freehanded with his Twitter account.

Perspective is a marvelous thing.

If only we could view life through the lens of age and experience, I think we’d all do a lot less complaining and a lot more celebrating.

Who knows? We might even come up with a few new holidays that haven’t been thought of before. How about International Colic Doesn’t Last Forever Day? Or Dirty Sock Appreciation Day? Or Stand in Line for the Bathroom Day? Or even National Tweet Something Sweet Day.

Please Note: This article first appeared in Family Matters, a weekly column I write for the Tyler Morning Telegraph.

The post On Creme-Filled Donuts & Other Causes for Celebration appeared first on Loving Life at Home.

Secrets of Success: 30 Lessons Learned in 30 Years of Marriage

Thirty years this month. That’s how long my husband and I have been married. Pledging my life and love to him was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. Except for those rare instances when he’s driving me crazy (or I him), we’ve been supremely happy together.

People sometimes assume that our happiness is what keeps us together, when actually the opposite is true: Staying together is what keeps us happy. For us, there is no Plan B. We’re going to make this marriage work or die trying.

Studies show that couples with that sort of determination and commitment tend to fare better than couples who are ready to bail if things don’t work out.

In a culture steeped in romantic comedies and Disney fairytales, it is easy to enter marriage with unrealistic expectations. The secret to success is laying all those expectations aside and, by the grace of God, making the most of the reality with which you’re presented.

Your prince doesn’t have to carry you off on a white charger to a castle in the clouds; if you know where to look, you can find marital bliss just as readily within the walls of a shabby little apartment in a neighborhood full of drug dealers and topless dancers.

That’s one of the first things I learned as a new wife. In no particular order, here are some of the other lessons 30 years of marriage has taught me:

30 Secrets to Success in Marriage


Apologizing is not a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of strength.

Whoever said, “Love means never HAVING to say you’re sorry” probably didn’t stay married for long. If you’re wise, you’ll apologize as soon as you realize you’ve done or said something that hurt your spouse. Love means never HESITATING to say you’re sorry.

Men think differently than women.

Thinking differently isn’t a necessarily a bad thing — in fact, a contrasting perspective is often quite helpful — but the fact that our brains are wired so differently does take a little getting used to. And while you should work on communication skills so your spouse will better understand your point of view, trying to force him to adopt it is an exercise in futility.

Build each other up; don’t tear each other down.

You nurture your marriage by choosing to speak words of encouragement and affirmation. (1 Thess. 5:11) This is true whether you’re talking to your spouse directly or talking with friends behind his back. Ditch the critical spirit that cuts others down to size, as it will tear your marriage apart, as well.

Dirty dishes don’t wash themselves.

My parents didn’t require me to help much with kitchen chores growing up, so it was a bit of a shock when I got married and the dirty dishes didn’t magically disappear from my new sink overnight like they’d always done back home. I quickly discovered that keeping a spotless kitchen takes a lot of work — and so does maintaining a happy marriage.

Sometimes my way ISN’T the best way.

Even as early as kindergarten, I was convinced I knew the best way to do everything. This is reflected in the fact my K-5 teacher repeatedly docked my conduct grade several letters because I was “too bossy” with the other children. Such bossiness would not have boded well for a successful marriage, so it’s a good thing I eventually learned that other people (including my husband) can come up with pretty smart ideas, too. Sometimes, his way of doing a particular task is far superior to mine, although it means swallowing my pride to admit it.

Stop waiting for the “perfect time.”

I understand the desire to make wise, responsible decisions, but if you refuse to get married or have a baby or buy a house or anything else until circumstances are ideal, you’re dooming yourself to a life of inaction. You will never have every duck in a row. While God’s sense of timing is perfect, ours is guesswork, at best. We must be willing to step out on faith and do important things, even when we don’t feel 100% ready for the challenge. (Prov. 3:5-6)

Marriage takes teamwork: tackle problems side by side.

Don’t lose sight of the fact that you and your spouse are on the same team. Through every hardship, every trial, you should be working together, not in opposition to each other. (Mark 10:7-9)

Nothing pretty ever grows in the soil of selfishness.

Big, nasty weeds with sharp, painful thorns and deep, gnarly roots: that’s what a life of selfishness and narcissism produces. God desires that we produce a crop of far more beautiful fruit — love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Gal. 5:22-23)– but He must amend our soil before that can happen. Marriage is one means by which He does it.

Think about what you say BEFORE you say it.

We should be quick to listen, but slow to speak. (James 1:17) Weigh your words and give them careful consideration, since there’s no taking them back once they leave your lips.

Don’t make big decisions when you are hungry, tired, or stressed.

Gather facts, discuss options, weigh the pros and cons, pray about the matter, yes, but whenever possible, sleep on it before making any major, life changing decisions. Clarity comes more easily in the light of morning, once you’re well-rested. (Psalm 127:2)


You can never pray too much!

That much should be obvious. After all, God commands us to “pray without ceasing.” (1 Thess. 5:17) But since my husband and I committed very early on to always pray together before times of intimacy, the phrase carries a double meaning for us: It also serves as a reminder that a married couple can never have too much sex.

Praying Boldly for Myself (Free Printable Prayer Guide)

I’ve published lots of free printable prayer guides on this blog over the years. Look back far enough and you’ll find:

Praying for Your Marriage
31 Scriptures to Pray over Your Husband
Praying for Your Husband from Head to Toe
Praying for Your Wife from Head to Toe
Praying for Your Children from Head to Toe
Praying for Your Unborn Child
Praying for Your Teens
Praying for Your Parents
Praying for Your Pastor
Praying for the Sick
Praying for School Students
Praying for America

All these guides have one thing in common: they’re designed to help you pray for others more effectively and consistently. What’s missing from the list is any sort of guide to help in praying for yourself.

Until now.

I’ve never been shy about praying on my own behalf, so I assumed everyone else feels the same way. Unfortunately, that’s not the case.

Evidently, there are countless Christians who will boldly approach the Throne of Grace when interceding on another’s behalf, yet feel somewhat timid about making their own requests known unto God. This, despite the fact that God repeatedly invites us to do so:

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.” (Philippians 4:6)

“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.” (Matthew 7:7-8)

But praying for yourself should go beyond asking God to help you find your lost car keys or pass your final exams (although there’s nothing wrong with entreating His aid with the little stuff, too!). David prayed for a clean heart. (Psalm 51:10) Solomon asked for wisdom. (2 Chronicles 1:10) Samson prayed for strength. (Judges 16:28) We can — and should — ask God to work in mighty ways in and through our lives, and to mold us into the image of His blessed Son.

And so, here are a few of the prayers I pray most frequently for myself, along with scriptural support for each request. If you aren’t already in the habit of doing so, I hope you’ll print out this handy guide and start praying on your own behalf today. The prayers form an acrostic, to make them easier to remember (MYSELF = Mind Yield Serve Encourage Love Forgive):

Dear Heavenly Father, I pray that You would help me to…
Mind what matters most:

Help me to focus on the important stuff. (Mark 12:29-31) Don’t let distractions sidetrack me from the good works that You’ve assigned me. (Ephesians 2:10) May I run the race with endurance (Hebrews 12:1-2), glorifying You in everything I do. (1 Corinthians 10:31)

Yield my will to Yours:

Root the selfishness and self-centeredness out of my heart.(Matthew 16:24) Change my desires, wherever they fail to line up with Yours. (Psalm 37:4-5) Grant me wisdom (James 1:5) and an eternal perspective.(Matthew 6:19-20) Conform me to the image of Christ. (Romans 12:2)

Serve others with gladness:

Give me a heart for service. (Deuteronomy 10:12) Teach me to consider the needs of others as more important than my own. (Philippians 2:3-4) Help me to serve them wholeheartedly and cheerfully (Colossians 3:23), knowing that my work is — ultimately — an offering to You. (Galatians 5:13-14)

Encourage the downtrodden:

Help me see others as You see them. (1 Samuel 16:7) Teach me to be an encouragement, building others up rather than tearing them down. (1 Thess. 5:11) May my words be wise (Psalm 37:30), timely, and true — always spoken in love (Ephesians 4:15) and seasoned with grace. (Colossians 4:6)

Love others sacrificially:

Give me a deep, abiding love for those around me. ( John 13:34; 1 John 4:7-8, 10-12) Help me to be patient, kind, gentle, good, and ever faithful in the way I treat them, maintaining hope, enduring hardships, and believing the best. (John 15:13; 1 Corinthians 13:4-7)

Forgive as You forgive me:

Thank You, Lord, for forgiving me. (Ephesians 1:7-8) Help me extend that same grace to those who hurt me. (Luke 6:27-29) Protect me against bitterness (Ephesians 4:31-32), hard-heartedness (Hebrews 3:8), and resentment. May I dwell on the good (Philippians 4:8) and keep no record of wrongs. (1 Corinthians 13:5-6)

And, since these prayers are equally fitting for a man to pray as for a woman, my husband suggested I offer a male version of this printable, which you’ll find below. Other than clip-art, it is identical to the female version. Enjoy!

The post Praying Boldly for Myself (Free Printable Prayer Guide) appeared first on Loving Life at Home.