Jennifer Flanders's Blog, page 41

Have You Hugged Your Kids Today?

If you haven't already hugged your kids today, here are ten good reasons to do so now. And if you have, here's a bunch of good excuses to hug them again.

1. Hugs are nice.

2. Hugs give you a good feeling inside.

3. Kids need hugs to stay healthy. I once read — although I cannot for the life of me remember where — that for optimal health, kids need a minimum of seven hugs a day.

4. So do parents.

5. Hugs mean "I love you."

6. Hugs get you close enough to actually whisper "I love you"  right in their ear.

7. Hugs also make it easier to pat them on the back and tell them how proud you are of them.

8. Hugs can sometimes lead to tickling, which leads to laughter, which is also good medicine.

9. Hugs are fun.

10. Kids grow up fast. Once they leave home, you won't be able to just hug them anytime you feel like it. So you'd better hug them now while you've got the chance. Especially the teenaged ones.

And while you are doling out hugs, be sure to give a few to your spouse, as well. You'll want to be well-practiced for when your nest is empty. Otherwise, you may have a hard time keeping up with that seven-per-day quota.

My Sunday "To-Do" List

Do you ever daydream during worship services? Even as your lips sing the words to the songs and hymns, does your mind flit to memories from the past week or plans for the next?

Ecclesiastes 5:1 commands, "As you enter the house of God, keep your ears open and your mouths shut! Don't be a fool who doesn't realize that mindless offerings to God are evil." (NLT)

I sometimes feel a vague sense of guilt when the last a-men is said, and I realize I haven't heard a word of the sermon. But I've never regarded my tendency to daydream as being particularly evil. That's a pretty harsh term!

Yet God says that we are fools if we think He is pleased with mindless offerings. When we go through the motions of worship while our minds wander far astray, we miss the entire point. God wants us to love and serve and worship Him with our whole heart and our full attention. His strong words to the hypocritical pharisees should prove that He is not impressed by the external trappings:

Mark 7:6-7 – "These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from Me. They worship me in vain; their teachings are but rules taught by men."

So I've made myself a very short "to do" list for tomorrow:

1. Go to church.

2. Arrive on time.

3. Pay attention while I'm there.

Not in an effort to earn my salvation. Not to be bound by the rules of men. Only because I love the Lord and want to worship Him with my ears and my heart wide open.

Who Needs a Dinner Bell?

The first home we ever owned was situated at the mouth of a cozy little cul-de-sac, which gave every neighbor on the block an unobstructed view of our house and yard. Clearly, then, my husband was not thinking of my reputation when he slapped the lid on my flaming hash-browns one Saturday morning and rushed out to the front curb to extinguish them. And this only days after we moved in!

First impressions are not always right, but in this instance, our new neighbors were given a fairly accurate indicator of my culinary skills (or current lack thereof). In the five years we lived there, it was not at all uncommon for them to look out of their own windows and see smoke pouring out of mine. My husband often teased me, "Who needs a dinner bell when you've got a fire alarm?"

It wasn't that I was incapable of cooking a decent meal. It was just that I was (and am) so easily distracted. I'd barely get dinner in the oven before I was completely absorbed in some other project. I wouldn't give the meal a second thought until it had burnt to a crisp and its charred, smoldering remains triggered the smoke detector.

At least now I've learned to use a kitchen timer. And I've come to realize that delicious, nutritious meals don't just happen. They require attention to detail and diligent work.

If you are anything like me, there are countless things vying for your attention these days. Some of them — like folding laundry or watching the news — can be done on autopilot without causing harm. But other things — like building a marriage or raising kids– may crash and burn if you don't tend them carefully.

Healthy marriages and happy children don't just happen. They require attention, commitment, and work. We mustn't wait until we smell the smoke before we give it.

A Fish without Fins

In honor of Valentine's Day, I'm posting a poem I wrote for my husband even before he became my husband. I gave it to him way back in February of 1987, and he still proposed a month later, so he obviously wasn't marrying me for my poetic devices. I hope you'll enjoy my little walk down memory lane. You'll be gratified to know that I've omitted several stanzas here, for the sake of brevity.

As a peacock without feathers,

As a bear without its fur,

As a postman without letters,

As a cat that cannot purr,

As a bee without its stinger,

As a fox without its tail,

As a bell without a ringer,

As a ship without a sail,

As a dinner with no courses,

As a bride without a gown,

As a carousel with horses

That cannot move up and down,

As a cow without her udders,

As a lion with no teeth,

As a window without shutters,

As a door without a wreath,

As a Cupid without arrows,

As a Santa with no sleigh,

As a birdhouse without sparrows,

As a needle in the hay,

As a park without a pigeon,

As a fire without heat,

As a car without its engine,

As a heart that cannot beat,

As a duck without its bill,

As a possum with no pouch,

As a rod without a reel,

As a shrink without a couch,

As a clock without its hands,

As a suit that has no pants,

As a half-time without bands,

Or as Paris without France,

As tea without a kettle,

As a hen that cannot lay,

As an athlete with no medal,

As a childhood without play,

As a summer without rain,

As Bo Peep without her flock,

As a track without a train,

Or as Star Trek with no Spock,

As a gaggle with no ganders,

As a sock without a shoe,

So I tell you, Douglas Flanders,

Would I be if not for you!

Show Some Appreciation

As soon as my husband made it to work yesterday morning, he called home to say that he'd broken his glasses and could I please bring him his back-up pair?

I was still in my fuzzy bathrobe, so I quickly changed clothes, grabbed my coat and keys, and drove over to the hospital to make the delivery. Being out in the bitter cold of the early morning served to remind me how very blessed I am to have a husband who works so hard to provide for his family. So as he was leaving for work today, I told him, "Thank you."

"For what?" he asked curiously.

"For going to work every day," I answered. "I get to stay home where it's warm, but you go even when it' freezing outside, and you never even complain about it."

This statement elicited the sweetest smile. "You're welcome," he said sincerely, then gave me a hug and headed out the door. He would have gone regardless, but having his hard work recognized put a spring in his step that even the cold winter weather couldn't chase away.

Dealing with a Difficult Mother-in-Law

A friend of mine recently asked my advice for dealing with an overly-critical mother-in-law. No matter what my friend does, it is never enough, and she is growing tired of even trying to make this woman happy.

What follows are a few guidelines I gave her for living at peace with demanding personalities. This strategy works equally well with difficult bosses, neighbors, or spouses, so give it try next time you find yourself dealing with anyone who seems impossible to please.

First, weigh her complaints. If they have no basis in reality, dismiss them. If amid all her faultfinding you discover a legitimate concern, address it. Apologize if you have wronged her, adjust your attitude, and mend your ways as needed.

Second, avoid conflict. As much as possible, try not to do things you know will upset her. If she hates to be kept waiting, don't show up two hours late for lunch. If she resents the time your kids spend with their other grandmother, don't flaunt the fact that your mother accompanied you on your last family vacation.

Third, forgive her. If you feel weary of even trying to please her, she has undoubtedly hurt your feelings. Let go of any bitterness you may harbor toward her for past cutting remarks. Wipe the slate clean and, in the future, approach her as if you had no bad history together, but were meeting for the first time. If it is necessary or possible to limit the time you spend with her, only do so to protect yourself, not to punish her.

Fourth, show consideration. Pick one or two things you know are important to her and make every effort to do them consistently. Birthdays and Mother's Day are a big deal to my own mother-in-law. She wants to be remembered with a pretty card, signed by her son, and delivered precisely on the big day. The most important thing to her (getting the card on time) and the most important thing to me (including a long, newsy letter from home) are two different things. If I can't do both, she'd much rather I send the signed and sealed card in a timely fashion and save the news for later, so that's what I do.

Fifth, always be respectful. Someday when you are older, you may be a little cantankerous yourself, so treat your mother-in-law with the patience you'd want your daughter-in-law to show you. It may be impossible to keep her happy, but at least you can keep your conscience clear by behaving toward her in a way that is above reproach. Let your actions be based in love, your words be seasoned with grace, and your opinions be held in humility. Make it your goal to do right by her, whether it pleases her or not.

NOTE: This post was adapted from the monthly "Family Matters" column I write for THE NORTHEAST TEXAN. I also want to offer my apologies to the lovely lady pictured above, whoever she is. I picked the photo only because I loved this woman's persnickety expression

Pray Your Way to a Smoother Day

I was reading the biography of George Muller aloud to my children this week and ran across a quote concerning the value of prayer. Muller claimed that "four hours of work after an hour of prayer would accomplish more than five hours without prayer." It was a belief that he faithfully put into practice throughout his life.

Muller's comment brought to mind a poem by Ralph Cushman that I memorized many years ago. It goes like this:



"The Secret"

I met God in the morning

When my day was at its best,

And His Presence came like sunrise

Like a glory in my breast.

All day long the Presence lingered,

All day long He stayed with me,

And we sailed in perfect calmness

O'er a very troubled sea.

Other ships were blown and battered,

Other ships were sore distressed,

But the winds that seemed to drive them

Brought to us a peace and rest.

Then I thought of other mornings,

With a keen remorse of mind,

When I, too, had loosed the moorings

With the Presence left behind.

So I think I know the secret,

Learned from many a troubled way;

You must seek Him in the morning

If you want Him through the day.



Although I normally do begin and end each day in prayer, I must confess that the longer my "to do" list, the shorter time I spend on my knees. Lately it feels like there just aren't enough hours in the day to get everything done I want to do.

"Want" is the operative word, I think. God has promised in His word to supply all our needs, and that includes the hours and strength to do each day what truly needs to be done. Perhaps if I took a cue from George Muller, I'd have an easier time differentiating which is which.

The #1 Choking Hazard

Do you know what the #1 choking hazard for children is?

I thought I knew. After all, that has been my husband's catchphrase for more than two decades now.

"Don't let the baby get hold of that," he warns with predictable frequency, "it's the number one choking hazard."

I've always accepted this statement without question, assuming Doug was citing some statistic he'd learned back in medical school. However, one of my children recently brought to my attention the fact that their father has conferred this top honor upon a wide and varied array of household items over the years: hot dogs, marbles, grapes, gum, balloons, buttons, quarters, peanuts, and anything made out of Play-doh or Crayola Magic modeling compound.

Essentially, the #1 choking hazard  at our house is whatever small, forgotten trinket or crusty crumb the baby is currently intent on dragging out from under the sofa cushion or scavenging off the kitchen floor. Just yesterday, I had to pry from her grubby fingers a stale goldfish cracker, a shard of plastic from a broken CD case, the head of a lego mini-figure, and a square-inch scrap of cellophane wrap — all in a span of about three minutes.

So, what is the most common choking culprit? The question begs an answer, so I Googled "#1 choking hazard" to satisfy my curiosity. The answer? "FOOD!" Can you imagine that?

A 2008 study from the American Academy of Pediatrics was a little more helpful. It listed the top-ten offenders:

Hot dogs
Peanuts
Carrots
Boned chicken
Candy
Meat
Popcorn
Fish with bones
Sunflower seeds
Apples

Sunflower seeds? Really?

Conspicuously absent from this list are any of the items our own children actually have choked on during their short lives, and I mean fully-obstructed, turning-blue, Heimlich-remediated choking. Had anyone warned us of the dangerous potential of these items , we'd have been much more careful. So as a public service announcement, I want to advise my readers to exercise extreme caution when offering their children donut holes. Or fried mozzarella. Or tiny toy helicopters with detachable propellers. After all, that's the #1 choking hazard. At our house. For now.

Bigger They Are, Harder They Fall

My son David broke his leg this week. Dashing across campus between classes, he hurdled over a retaining wall and heard the bone crack as he landed. He snapped it in two places and ended up having a rod surgically inserted to stabilize things just a few hours after the accident.

The surgeon told us it was a good thing we brought him in right away. At 6'7″, David is strong and muscular and his bones are extremely dense. The doctor had a hard time getting the rod in as it was — had the muscles been given time to swell, it would have made the job much more difficult, if not impossible.

As usual, David didn't complain. I never heard so much as a low groan escape his lips, although when questioned, he admitted it did hurt quite a bit. I knew it must by the way the blood drained from his face every time he was jostled. Broken bones can be excruciatingly painful.

Hebrews 4:12 tells us, "For the word of God is living and active and sharper than any two-edged sword, and piercing as far as the division of soul and spirit, of both joints and marrow, and able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart." Somehow, the idea of joints and marrow being split apart took on fresh meaning when I saw the X-ray of my son's splintered leg. The word of God brings conviction — how could I expect the process to be anything but painful? Whether we experience conviction of sin as as a sharp, shooting pang or a dull, aching throb, it won't go away until we climb onto the surgical table and let the Great Physician set things right.

David's break was not an open fracture, so the only external evidence was a slight bulge on the side of his leg. The true extent of his injury could only be appreciated by taking an X-ray to examine the bone inside. Likewise, God is far more concerned about our inner failings than our outward appearance. He searches our heart. That's why scriptures that speak to heart issues are always so piercing.  The more I read, the more aware I become of how badly broken I am, and of how far I fall short of the goal, which is total conformity to Christ.

The Flowering Grass

One of my children discovered an old video of home movies in our media cabinet last night, and soon the entire family had gathered around to laugh at the grainy footage of Mom and Dad back when we had fitter bodies and fewer kids — and that same great sense of style our offspring have long found so amusing. Big hair and short shorts, anyone?

Midway through the movie, I turned to my husband and said, "That really doesn't seem so long ago, does it?"

"It was only yesterday," he agreed.

It brought to mind the Bible verses (1 Peter 1:23-35, James 1:10-11) that compare man to grass. God took care to make the flowers of the field. He clothes them in beauty, sends sunshine and rain as needed (Luke 12:27). He must have a purpose for doing so.

Yes, tomorrow the grass will wither and the flower fade, but for today, its roots protect the soil from erosion, its green shoots provide food for itself as well as nourishment to others, its blossoms beautify the landscape, and it seeds allow for reproduction, so the cycle can continue.

Life is short, so perhaps we should take a lesson from the withering grass and use our days on earth to protect and preserve the communities in which we live, to nourish those with whom we come in contact, to beautify our little corner of the world, to rely on God to supply our needs, and to reproduce so that this mandate can be passed on to the next generation.