Jennifer Flanders's Blog, page 39

Twleve Things I Love About Fall

1. New school books

2. Pumpkin patches

3. Bulky sweaters

4. Sharp yellow pencils

5. Round, rosy apples

6. Crsip, clean air

7. Wood smoke

8. Thanksgiving dinner

9. Marching bands

10. State fairs

11. Tent camping

12. Hay rides

Putting It in Perspective

I don't know who wrote the following poem, but it is a good reminder that we should "not despise the day of small things." This season of life will be over before we know it, and won't I miss it when it's gone!.

[image error]My days are days of small affairs,

Of trifling worries, little cares,

A lunch to pack, a tea to make,

A room to sweep, a pie to bake,

A hurt to less, a tear to dry,

A head to brush, a bow to tie,

A face to wash, a rent to mend,

A meal to plan, a fuss to end,

A hungry husband to be fed,

A sleepy child to put to bed.

I, who'd hoped someday to gain

Success, perhaps a bit of fame,

Must give my life to small affairs

Of trifling worries, little cares.

But, should tomorrow bring a change,

My little house grow still and strange—

Should all the cares I have today

Be swept, quite suddenly, away—

Where now a hundred duties press

Be but an ache of loneliness,

No child's gay ribbons to be tied,

No wayward little feet to guide,

To heaven I would raise my prayers,

"Oh God, give back my little cares."

~Author Unknown

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Twelve Things I Love About Summer

1. Sandy Beaches

2. Starry Nights

3. Impromptu Picnics

4. Pleasure Reading

5. Berry Picking

6. Ultimate Frisbee

7. Diving Boards

8. Frozen Custard

9. Drive-In Movies

10. Lazy Rivers

11. Family Reunions

12. Fresh Watermelon

Confessions of a "Weaker Vessel"

Well, I took a longer break from blogging than I intended, but my recent move was more labor intensive than I expected (primarily because I rejected my husband's generous offers to hire movers to help us). I survived two major garage sales, countless trips to Goodwill, and what seemed like endless weeks of sorting, packing, and transferring what was left to our new house while cleaning, repairing, and repainting the old.

My family humored my desire to move everything ourselves, which allowed me to finish one room before starting the next. This method worked beautifully until our closing date was pushed up by two weeks and I found myself scrambling to empty all our closets and cupboards in time. Hence, the haphazard piles of boxes and overloaded laundry baskets stuffed into our garage, demanding my immediate, albeit divided, attention.

My goals-driven spouse has, for the most part, shown enormous patience with me throughout this entire process. Yet his expectations of me remain high: "Can you tighten all the doorknobs once you finish painting trim? Stay off the computer until we close. I want a box a day for Goodwill until the garage is empty."

I've consequently found myself reflecting on 1 Peter 3:7 a lot lately: "Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker vessel…."

What does that mean, exactly – weaker vessel?

The past few months have certainly highlighted the fact that I am not as physically strong as my husband. While I carried my share of the smaller items, he and my older sons did all the heavy lifting. I merely cheered them on and told them where to put things. It required every ounce of their combined strength to carry massive desks, bookcases, and appliances up our winding staircase, and to plant our piano in its new resting place, as well.

But surely that phrase in 1 Peter refers to more than brute force.

My son David broke his leg earlier this year. He has since had to learn to "live in an understanding way"  with that injured limb, for the bone has been slow to heal and the muscle atrophied inside the cast. Yet David is not content to let it remain weak and useless for the rest of his life. So he works with it, attempting to rebuild that muscle and to slowly ease it back into service. He is careful not to require too much too soon, but he knows he must push with care and consistency if he hopes for the leg to ever be all it was meant to be.

Still, that analogy falls short, too, for I do not believe the verse means to imply that women are in some way broken or injured.

I once heard a speaker explain this passage by comparing his wife to a beautiful porcelain teacup. He said the verse calls husbands to treat their wives in the same way they might handle a fragile piece of china, gently and with honor. 

Yet the few pieces of fine china I own — wedding gifts from yesteryear — seldom get handled at all. Except for an occasional anniversary dinner, they stay safely tucked away in a china cabinet and forgotten. Does that mean my husband should put me on a high shelf and do his best to never upset or use or stress or break me? As appealing as such velvet-glove treatment may sound at times, is that really the life I want?

Unequivocally not. Although I'm normally pretty level-headed, I'll admit there are times when my emotions get the best of me. For instance, I've never dealt particularly well with change, and the bigger the change, the more emotional I become.

At times like that, I am grateful that my no-nonsense husband holds me to a higher standard. He refuses to accept PMS or stress or bad days as an excuse for impatience and selfishness and sin. Instead, he encourages me to press forward, to pursue the high calling of Christ, to allow God to use life's trials to conform me to His image. And that's a good thing, because otherwise those volatile emotions might paralyze our entire family.

But I think the term "weaker vessel" references more than a fragile emotional state. Perhaps instead of getting hung up on the first word of that phrase, it would help to look at the second.

A vessel is a container, something used to hold or carry something else. There is a reason behind this word choice, and I believe it gives insight into the meaning of the verse, for what is it that a woman holds or transports? Does she not carry life itself? New life as it is being knit together in her womb, and sustenance with which to sustain and nourish that life after delivery? Isn't "vessel" a fitting word for all that? It is our role as the bearer and nurturer of offspring that makes us most vulnerable and in need of special consideration.

This verse was never meant as a slam against our gender. It does not mean females are helpless, incapable, or inferior. Rather, the verse is a reminder to our husbands to be mindful of our need for consideration and protection.

That protection can take on different forms. Being considerate of fluctuating hormones is not the same thing as capitulating to them. Guarding your wife against overload does not mean giving her no responsibilities at all. I am grateful that my husband provides a strong shoulder for me to cry on when I need it. But I'm equally glad when he says, "Okay, Jennifer. That's enough with the tears. Let's roll up our sleeves and get back to work."

Be Careful What You Pray For – Part 2

I love the scene in THE LION, THE WITCH, AND THE WARDROBE where the Beavers are forced to flee from the White Witch. While the others hurriedly don coats and boots, Mrs. Beaver scuttles about the den packing provisions for the journey: sugar, tea, matches, two or three loaves of bread, a ham, and a dozen clean handkerchiefs. She'd have toted her sewing machine, as well, had Mr. Beaver not convinced her the extra weight would prove too burdensome. She grieves over leaving it behind as her frantic companions rush her out the door with only minutes to spare.

I've always felt for Mrs. Beaver. I can sympathize with her desire to be well-prepared, for I share the same mindset. I know that dire circumstances demand a drastically different approach to material possessions — the sewing machine that is a blessing at home would be a curse on the road, especially if it causes the company to be captured — but I'm still sad to see her leave it behind, never mind that she receives a newer, better sewing machine later in the book.

When I think of my sisters in Alabama whose homes were recently ransacked by tornados, or I remember my sisters in Japan who lost not only property and possessions but also loved ones in the Tsunami, I am ashamed to be crying over the fact that our new kitchen won't hold a table big enough for my whole family to sit together at mealtimes. Those women were not afforded the luxury of slowly sifting through their belongings and deciding what to keep and what to toss. They know experientially that "Life is more than food and the body more than clothes." (Luke 12:23)

I have always prayed that God would teach me life's lessons in the gentlest way possible. He has been faithful to honor that request once again, and  I am grateful He has allowed me a long goodbye. It can still be a little painful, but in a different way, like pulling a Band-Aid off hair by hair instead of ripping it loose in one swift stroke…. No, that analagy trivializes the torment others have endured. Say instead it's like skinning a knee as opposed to severing a limb.

Whether I'm motivated by materialism, or sentimentality, or my "waste not, want not" upbringing, the fact remains that I've become far too attached to my stuff. What exasperates my husband, I think, is the fact that it's not the nicest things we own that I'm the most attached to. It's the beat-up buffet with only three good legs that has followed us from our first apartment, representative of the best we could afford for many years. It's my grandma's rusty glider, where I sat beside her shelling peas as a kid and rocked colicky babies to sleep as an adult. It's the uneven panels of stained glass the children helped me solder together for our bathroom windows. It's the doorjamb with eight years of pencil lines marking my children's growth progress.

At any rate, I am now in the process of downsizing. My son Benjamin may have found the house we're moving into, but God picked it. We can tell He went  before us and smoothed the way, because His fingerprints are all over the place. Just the fact that our landlord agreed to rent to a family with twelve children is a small miracle in itself!

With every load we carry over, that place is looking more and more (and this one less and less) like home. It is a beautiful house with a great floor plan and will accommodate a surprising number of the things I was reluctant to leave behind, often in spaces that seem tailor made for them. Beds, curtains, piano, rugs — time and again, they've fit where we've needed them to go without an inch to spare. I may not be able to squeeze my ten-foot table into my new breakfast nook, but oddly enough, there's a ten-foot cubby in the garage that seems to serve no other purpose but to house it as a makeshift workbench.

So here again, God is leading us by baby steps. If there is a mud hut in our future — and there may be — He is not asking us to move there today. We've signed a fourteen-month lease on our new home, which will allow our older boys to finish up at UT Tyler while we sort out our next step. We honestly don't know what that next step may be, but we know that God knows, and that He is good and merciful and sovereign. And shouldn't that be enough?

Be Careful What You Pray For – Part 1

Eight years ago, my husband and I built our dream home. I'd been driving past the most beautiful tract of land several times a week for three years, and each time I did, I prayed that God would send someone to develop the property so that our family could someday live there. God answered that prayer, and we ended up buying a two-acre wooded lot that was far enough from town to give our kids room to roam, but close enough that my doctor-husband could get to the hospital in five minutes flat.

We designed the house ourselves, right down to the placement of every last lavatory, lock, and light switch. We were there when the foundation was poured to put our footprints in the cement, there when the walls were framed to inscribe scripture verses on the studs, there when the windows were hung to hope that God's light would shine through us to our community, there each step of the way, dedicating our home to Him, purposing to use it for His glory, and praying that every guest would feel warmly welcomed and would sense within these walls the love and joy and peace that comes only through Christ.

I believe God honored those prayers, as well as our commitment to use our home for ministry. In the time that we have lived here, literally thousands of people have passed through our doors. We've hosted exchange students, furloughing missionaries, homeschool groups, office parties, neighborhood picnics, baby showers, family reunions, formal dinners, ice cream socials, ping-pong tournaments, movie screenings, worldview discussions, geography bees, bridal showers, egg hunts, caroling parties, and even an outdoor wedding here. For almost a year, over 100 people gathered in our house every week for Sunday worship and fellowship dinner. It has been a blessing and a privilege for our family to play a part in all of this.

Several months ago, we opened our home for a weekly Bible study using David Platt's excellent book RADICAL. I suppose a good corollary to "Be careful what you pray for" is "Be careful what you read." This book, based completely upon the commands of Christ, challenges readers to spend less so they can give more. It wasn't written for the fainthearted, and you shouldn't read it if you don't want to feel convicted. But if you are looking for a fresh sense of purpose, you should devour it and do what it says, looking to God for guidance in how to best demonstrate the radical love of Jesus to those who do not know Him.

As my husband and I pondered the ideas set forth in this 220-page tome, we were forced to admit that the main thing preventing our giving more was the monthly mortgage payments we were making on our dream home. So we began getting our house ready to put on the market, and I began praying that that putting it on the market would not be necessary.

Even more overwhelming than the thought of moving is the thought of keeping a house show-ready for months or years at a time and being prepared to vacate the premises at a moment's notice should a potential buyer want to view it. That is stressful stuff for any household, but especially so for a homeschooling family with twelve children. So I prayed that if God really wanted us to sell our house, He would just send a buyer to our front porch and spare me the hassle of listing it.

I suppose it was a prayer I felt safe praying. We've since been told by an appraiser that in the past eight months, not a single house in our price range has sold in all of East Texas. It would truly take a miracle for God to sell ours without so much as a sign in the yard. And that was fine by me, because I didn't want to move, anyway. But neither did I want to cling to my possessions if God wanted to take them from me. That prayer was my way of "proving" that I was holding His blessings with an open hand. And I prayed it faithfully for six months: "Not my will, but thine be done. I don't want to sell this house, God, but I will if You'll send us a buyer."

And then the miracle happened. Just one day after newspapers announced that the US Housing Market had hit its all-time low, God brought someone to our doorstep who offered to write us a check for this wonderful place we call home. Thus, our latest adventure began. And as I struggled against the urge to tighten my grasp on the things around me, I came face-to-face with the realization that maybe I wasn't holding my possessions with such an open hand, after all.

A Sure-Fire Way to Wipe Out Whining

If you've ever had a child who is given to whining, you know how grating it can get on the nerves of every member of the household.

We do our children no favors by letting them get away with such behavior; nevertheless, I think mothers, especially, are prone to make excuses for this bad habit. "He missed his nap. He's feeling sick. He's hungry."

It's time we crack down on all the constant complaining. Are you with me? Then join my campaign to wipe out whining. The task will take heaping helpings of the following ingredients:

* Commitment – Explain to your little one that his behavior is making it hard for anyone to enjoy his company. Assure him that you love him regardless how he acts, but that you want other people to love him, too, so you're going to do whatever it takes to help him break his bad habit of whining.

* Consequences – When parents give in to whining, they reward and reinforce such behavior. This must stop immediately. If you hope to help your child overcome this habit, you must make certain his whining never pays off. If he is begging for something he doesn't really need, like candy at the checkout counter, then deprive him of it completely. If he is whining for something he genuinely does need, like a drink of water when he's thirsty, then insist that he ask nicely before you give it.

* Cheerfulness – Be careful to model a cheerful, happy disposition yourself. If you are angry and impatient in your responses to your child, your efforts to modulate his behavior will fall flat. In the above example, when your little boy whines for water, fill the cup, get down on his level, smile broadly, and prompt him, "Do you remember the nice way to ask?" Or simply say the words you want and let him parrot them back: "Water, please?" If you'll teach your child how to say please in sign language (by rubbing his open hand on his chest in a circular motion), then you can even help him "say please" when he is too upset to utter the words. Gently guide his hand through the motion, then respond enthusiastically, "See? Isn't that a much nicer way to ask?" as you give him his water.

* Compassion – Keep in mind that language skills vary greatly from child to child. One two-year old may be able to say, "Mommy, I feel thirsty. May I have a small glass of water, please?" while the next can barely string two words together, especially when he's upset. A child's mind develops much faster than his ability to communicate, and the results can be frustrating for everybody involved. Ensure that older siblings are sensitive to this fact, as well. They must be made to realize that sometimes little brother whines because he doesn't yet have the words to express, "I don't like it when you tease me, so stop doing that!"

* Consistency – You cannot crack down on whining one day, ignore it the next, reward it the following, and expect that approach to work. Consistency is of vital importance in conquering the bad habit of whining. But consistency is also important in children's schedules, especially at this age. Young children are prone to be cranky whenever they are tired and/or hungry, so keeping to a predictable schedule for meals and naptimes will go a long way in helping your child maintain a more pleasant disposition throughout this "stage" of life.

* Contentment - And last, but not least, remember that we teach best by example. If you find yourself murmuring more than you care to admit or even throwing an occasional tantrum, it could mean that your child has come by his whining honestly. By focusing on the positive, we can replace inner grumbling and complaints with gratitude and contentment. And joy begets joy just as surely as discontent breeds discontent. Keep it up, and your children will eventually catch your enthusiasm for living.

Note: This post was adapted from the April issue of "Family Times," which is a monthly column I write for THE NORTHEAST TEXAN.

A Sure-Fire Way Wipe Out Whining

If you've ever had a child who is given to whining, you know how grating it can get on the nerves of every member of the household.

We do our children no favors by letting them get away with such behavior; nevertheless, I think mothers, especially, are prone to make excuses for this bad habit. "He missed his nap. He's feeling sick. He's hungry."

It's time we crack down on all the constant complaining. Are you with me? Then join my campaign to wipe out whining. The task will take heaping helpings of the following ingredients:

* Commitment – Explain to your little one that his behavior is making it hard for anyone to enjoy his company. Assure him that you love him regardless how he acts, but that you want other people to love him, too, so you're going to do whatever it takes to help him break his bad habit of whining.

* Consequences – When parents give in to whining, they reward and reinforce such behavior. This must stop immediately. If you hope to help your child overcome this habit, you must make certain his whining never pays off. If he is begging for something he doesn't really need, like candy at the checkout counter, then deprive him of it completely. If he is whining for something he genuinely does need, like a drink of water when he's thirsty, then insist that he ask nicely before you give it.

* Cheerfulness – Be careful to model a cheerful, happy disposition yourself. If you are angry and impatient in your responses to your child, your efforts to modulate his behavior will fall flat. In the above example, when your little boy whines for water, fill the cup, get down on his level, smile broadly, and prompt him, "Do you remember the nice way to ask?" Or simply say the words you want and let him parrot them back: "Water, please?" If you'll teach your child how to say please in sign language (by rubbing his open hand on his chest in a circular motion), then you can even help him "say please" when he is too upset to utter the words. Gently guide his hand through the motion, then respond enthusiastically, "See? Isn't that a much nicer way to ask?" as you give him his water.

* Compassion – Keep in mind that language skills vary greatly from child to child. One two-year old may be able to say, "Mommy, I feel thirsty. May I have a small glass of water, please?" while the next can barely string two words together, especially when he's upset. A child's mind develops much faster than his ability to communicate, and the results can be frustrating for everybody involved. Ensure that older siblings are sensitive to this fact, as well. They must be made to realize that sometimes little brother whines because he doesn't yet have the words to express, "I don't like it when you tease me, so stop doing that!"

* Consistency – You cannot crack down on whining one day, ignore it the next, reward it the following, and expect that approach to work. Consistency is of vital importance in conquering the bad habit of whining. But consistency is also important in children's schedules, especially at this age. Young children are prone to be cranky whenever they are tired and/or hungry, so keeping to a predictable schedule for meals and naptimes will go a long way in helping your child maintain a more pleasant disposition throughout this "stage" of life.

* Contentment - And last, but not least, remember that we teach best by example. If you find yourself murmuring more than you care to admit or even throwing an occasional tantrum, it could mean that your child has come by his whining honestly. By focusing on the positive, we can replace inner grumbling and complaints with gratitude and contentment. And joy begets joy just as surely as discontent breeds discontent. Keep it up, and your children will eventually catch your enthusiasm for living.

Note: This post was adapted from the April issue of "Family Times," which is a monthly column I write for THE NORTHEAST TEXAN.

In Pursuit of Lasting Results

I have a friend who refuses to iron more than one piece of clothing at a time. She believes that dying with a closet full of clean, pressed clothes would be testimony to a wasted life. Why bother ironing something you may never get the chance to wear?

"I"d much rather spend my time mowing the lawn," my friend confides. I assume she just enjoys being out in the fresh air and sunshine, but no, she explains, the reason she likes cutting the grass is because she knows it won't need to be cut again for a full week — or at least five or six days. Not so with any other domestic task.

You can knock yourself out scrubbing bathrooms, mopping floors, or washing windows, and the results can be completely undone in a matter of minutes. (And the more young children that share your household, the more likely your efforts to keep it clean will be thwarted.)

Even a home-cooked meal is summarily demolished once it's been brought to the table. No sooner do you wash and dry the last dish from lunch than your famished family is back in the kitchen, asking when they may expect dinner and begging for a snack.

But a freshly-mown lawn? Once that job's done, you can take a well-earned break and enjoy it for awhile. There is something very gratifying about that fact.

As a wife and mother, I must deal with an endless barrage of demands upon my time and energy, of which there is a very limited supply. If I do not choose wisely, I will end up squandering it to achieve results that are fleeting rather than investing it in something that will endure.  I want to make taking care of people, not possessions, my focus.

Of course, at some point, the laundry does have to be washed, the meals prepared, the floors swept. Life has always been a balancing act and always will be. The challenge is to tend to the temporal duties in such a way that we achieve lasting results. Not that the same chores won't have to be done all over again tomorrow, but that in the doing, we are training children, teaching teamwork, showing appreciation, offering encouragement, modeling diligence, radiating joy, building character, and making memories together.

That kind of time investment will yield results that endure.

The Chance of a Lifetime

Have you ever received a phone call from someone you haven't seen in years? Didn't you feel flattered that your friend would look you up? Grateful for the opportunity to reconnect? Curious about what prompted the call?

If your experience is anything like mine, those feelings are fleeting, because the conversation quickly evolves into a sales pitch. Your long-lost friend has become involved in a multi-level marketing plan that is going to make him rich. And he's calling to offer you a chance to get in on the ground floor! Every trace of excitement you formerly felt about hearing from this person drains away as you attempt to politely convince him you are not interested in joining the team.

What if, instead of a pyramid scheme, your friend really were presenting you with the chance of a lifetime? Wouldn't that warrant a bit of earnest enthusiasm? What if he had, say, discovered some vast, untapped source of free, renewable energy? Or invented a cure for cancer? Could you blame him for not wanting to keep such news to himself?

Now ponder this for a moment: If we have put our faith and trust in Christ, then we know the sole Source of eternal life and forgiveness for sin. Jesus Christ died to save us! This  is the kind vital information that begs to be shared.  Shouldn't we be sharing it with fervor, zeal, and persistence?

Too often, we hesitate. We don't wish to offend, don't want to seem pushy, like an over-exubrant salesman trying to expand his downline. Yet all around us, people are dying while we hold the cure. Can't we find a way to communicate truth in a way that reflects genuine love and concern for the lost, rather than a half-hearted attempt to add another notch to our evangelical belt?