Jennifer Flanders's Blog, page 37

My “Do It Now” List

As important as it is to remember that life doesn’t end when our last child leaves home, it is even more imperative for us to recognize that that time will arrive much sooner than we think.

Which is why, on the back of my “Empty Nest List”, I keep a “Do It Now List” — for all those fleeting pleasures I want to enjoy to the fullest while I still have the opportunity to do so:

- Rocking my babies

- Hugging my toddlers

- Encouraging my teens

- Loving my husband

- Praying with my family

- Taking bike rides

- Serving delicious meals

- Reading classics aloud

- Calling my mother

- Counting my blessings

It is often the small things that mean the most to our little ones — homemade cookies fresh from the oven, a love note tucked under their pillow, a pat on the back for a job well done, a smile when they enter the room. If we are not intentional about how we invest our short time together, we will find it slipping through our fingers. And once it’s gone, there’s no getting it back.

My "Do It Now" List

As important as it is to remember that life doesn't end when our last child leaves home, it is even more imperative for us recognize that time will arrive much sooner than we think.

Which is why, on the back of my "Empty Nest List", I keep a "Do It Now" list — for all those fleeting pleasures I want to enjoy to the fullest while I still have opportunity to do so:

- Rocking my babies

- Hugging my toddlers

- Encouraging my teens

- Making love to my husband

- Praying with my family

- Going on bike rides

- Serving delicious meals

- Reading classics aloud

- Calling my mother

- Counting my blessings

It is often the small things that mean the most to our little ones — homemade cookies fresh from the oven, a love note tucked under their pillow, a pat on the back for a job well done, a smile when they enter the room. If we are not intentional about how we invest our short time together, we will find it slipping through our fingers. And once it's gone, there's no getting it back.

Our Daily Lifeline

As fitting and appropriate as it is to call upon God from the foxhole, prayer should really be our first and natural response in all of life's circumstances.

When awed by His works, we should praise Him.
When struck by His greatness, we should worship Him.
When encumbered by doubts, we should trust in Him.
When ensnared by sin, we should confess to Him.
When weary and careworn, we should lean on Him.
When wisdom is needed, we should ask of Him.
When brimming with joy, we should sing to Him.
When weighed down with grief, we should cling to Him.
When honored, we should magnify Him.
When humbled, we should hide in Him.
When burdened for the lost — as we all need to be — we should plead for His unfailing mercy.
When blessed beyond measure — as each of us are — we should thank Him for His unmerited grace.

An attitude of constant prayer is a distinguishing mark of the mature Christian, which is why we are commanded to "pray without ceasing" (1 Thess. 5:17). I don't know who said it, but it is definitely true: "If you only pray when you're in trouble, you're in trouble."

My Empty Nest List

I distinctly remember crying when my firstborn was only four days old, because our time together was ticking by so fast. And sure enough, it seems like I barely blinked before he was grown and gone, with a wife and four sons of his own.

Although I still had eleven little chicks in my nest when that first one fledged and flew away, I realized with a wince that, one by one, his siblings would soon follow. Two more are perched at the edge even now and will have flown off for good by late spring.

It's a bittersweet time for mama bird. I'm proud and excited to see them go, so full of promise and potential, yet I'm painfully aware that our home will never be the same without them.

It's hard to let go, and I don't anticipate the process getting any easier. So several years ago, I began to compile what I call my empty nest list.

Some of the items on the list are things I enjoyed in earlier seasons of my life and would like to revisit:

backpacking Europe
singing with the symphony
teaching calculus
painting porcelain

Some activities are things I've never tried but am intrigued by:

glass blowing
salsa dancing
mountain climbing
scuba diving

Some are opportunities to minister in ways that my current responsibilities don't allow:

rocking babies in Russian orphanages
counseling women through Crisis Pregnancy Centers
feeding the hungry in Third World countries
accompanying my husband on medical mission trips

Some entail expanding my skills in current areas of interest:

writing and publishing prolifically
memorizing large portions of scripture
learning to play a few beloved classics on the piano
becoming fluent in Spanish, German, French, and Chinese

Some involve traveling to places I've never been before:

Beijing
Costa Rico
Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania
The Moon

My original list is impossibly long, with more on it than one could hope to squeeze into a single lifetime. Some of the ideas may lose their charm long before I have time to devote to them, but that is okay. It was never meant to be a bucket list of exploits to check off before I die.

Rather, it was intended to serve as a reminder that life doesn't stop when your last child leaves the nest. All sorts of new and exciting possibilities await, even after this precious, fleeting season of child-rearing comes to its inevitable end.

In the wise words of Dr. Seuss, we "don't cry because it's over, [we] smile because it happened."

And then we do the next thing. What will yours be?

My Preschooler Put Me in a Padded Cell

Have you ever noticed what a great sense of humor God has? Back in the days when I thought that my home had to look picture perfect for me to entertain guests, my children did their best to make sure it didn't, and I often wondered whether God didn't put them up to their antics, just to keep their mama humble.

One such occasion stands out vividly in my memory. My husband and I had both worked overtime cleaning, cooking, and decorating for a Christmas party we were hosting. We finished our preparations with just half an hour to spare and dashed to the bedroom to get showered and changed before our company arrived.

Meanwhile, our two-year-old sequestered himself in the hall bathroom, whereupon he discovered a stash of maxi-pads stored under the sink. Working quickly but quietly, he unwrapped every last one — no easy task, since I buy in bulk — peeled the adhesive strips off the backs, and stuck them to the cabinet, the floor, the toilet, the tub, and as far up the walls as his little hands could reach. By the time the doorbell rang about fifteen minutes later, every square inch of the room (from about four feet down) had been padded with super-absorbant softness.

Mercifully, I happened upon the crime scene on my way to answer the front door and was tipped off to the surprise awaiting the first hapless person who wandered in. Sending my husband to greet our guests, I ducked inside and deftly undid the damage. But my toddler was happy to lend a helping hand, and I was smiling as I worked.

What have your little ones done that embarrassed you? How did you react? If you maintain a good sense of humor, you'll often find that those are the memories that make you laugh hardest in the end.

Home Shows and Show Homes

I once walked into a house I thought was on a holiday tour of homes and wandered through several rooms before realizing in embarrassment that I was at the wrong address. Fortunately, the home owners were hosting a party at the time, so I was was able to slip away quietly without making too much of a scene.

But the reverse has also happened: Another year I visited a home that really was on the tour, but had a hard time shaking the feeling that I'd come to the wrong place. It was almost as if the owners weren't expecting us: "You're here for the Open House? Tonight? I thought that thing was next week!"

Not that the home wasn't lovely — it was. But, unlike most of the private residences I'd toured during these holiday fund-raisers, this house had dirty dishes in the sink, newspapers scattered on the floor, and sticky little handprints all over the bathroom mirrors.

In other words, this house looked lived in.

Moreover, the folks who lived in it were still there. They had not been spirited away for the duration of the tour, as was the usual custom. The owners of all those sticky little fingers spent the evening sprawled across three sofas watching television, seemingly oblivious to the steady stream of people parading through their home.

I'm not sure where their mother was that night, but had I spotted her, I would have shaken her hand, for she did me a huge favor (and possibly many of the other ticket holders, as well): She demonstrated unselfconscious hospitality. If she were worried about what others might think of her housekeeping, it didn't show, and it certainly didn't keep her from opening her home for a good cause.

I used to get really uptight whenever I was expecting company. I'd clean and scrub and polish and organize (and sometimes even sew and paint and landscape) for weeks in advance, snapping at anyone and everyone who got in my way or undid my work. I was much more of a Martha than a Mary, and I consequently missed out on many opportunities for sweet fellowship, joyful service, and gentle encouragement.

But over the years, God has changed this attitude. Maybe that home show assured me the world would not come screeching to a halt if I opened my house to guests when it was less than picture-perfect. Maybe adding eight or nine more children to the mix convinced me that having a picture-perfect home is not my highest goal, anyway.

I still love to entertain, and I still love to tackle big projects before I do, racing the clock to see how much I can finish before the big event. The difference is that now I do it with a smile on my face and a song in my heart — and a lot of helpers, young and old, at my side. And if the guests arrive before we finish loading the dishwasher (or planting the pansies or painting the baseboards), we leave the work for another day, grateful for what we got accomplished, but happy to take a break and fellowship with good friends who, after all, have come to see us, not our house.

Frustration is Your Friend

Frustration is something we all face from time to time. The question is, how do we respond? Do life's trials make us bitter or better? Do they cause us to sink or soar?

It takes wisdom and maturity to swallow disappointment without complaint. Any two-year-old can throw a tantrum, but if we hope to do more than survive setbacks — if we want to actually grow through them and profit from them — then we must learn healthier ways of handling hardships.

So next time you're feeling frustrated, view it as an exercise in character-building. Practice the following responses, and they will soon become second-nature:

F – Faith – Trust that God has a purpose and a plan. Look to Him for guidance.

R – Respect – Treat others well. Don't use frustration as an excuse to be rude or impatient.

U – Understanding – Why did this happen? Have my actions caused or contributed to the problem?

S – Sympathy – Demonstrate compassion for others who've been through similar trials.

T – Teachability – What lessons can I learn from this? How do I avoid similar situations in the future?

R – Resourcefulness – Think outside the box. Be flexible. Is there a different approach I might try?

A - Acceptance – Frustrations are just a fact of life. Anticipate and make allowances for them.

T – Tenacity – Hold fast to your convictions. Remain resolved. Don't give up in the face of frustration.

I – Integrity – Guard your good name. Live above reproach. Never return evil for evil.

O – Opportunity – Where God closes a door, He opens a window. Look for it.

N – Need – We need God's grace, strength, wisdom, and mercy, and should pray for such continually.

Misguided parents will sometimes cater to a child's every whim (thereby doing him a great disservice). There's a name for kids who must always have their way: spoiled brats.

God loves us too much to make the same mistake. Scripture goes so far as to say that we should rejoice when we encounter hardships, big or small, for God uses such trials to mold in us the character of Christ (James 1:2-3).

Someday, when we stand before Him, complete, we may finally recognize frustration for what it truly is: a friend whom we wouldn't be the same without.

In My Thoughts and Prayers

Memories are curious things. A person or event from our distant past can lie dormant and forgotten in the deepest recesses of our brains for literally years at a time, only to be stirred to life in a split-second by a glimpse or sound or smell of something that calls that memory to mind.

When the face of a friend or acquaintance whom I've not seen for decades springs suddenly and unbidden to mind, I cannot help but wonder why. Rosalind Goforth, the wife of a Canadian missionary to China, put forth one explanation in the following poem, which I love and long-ago learned by heart:

I cannot tell why there should come to me

A thought of someone miles and years away,

In swift instance on the memory,

Unless there is a need that I should pray.

Perhaps just then my friend has fiercer fight,

A more appalling weakness, a decay

Of courage, darkness, some lost sense of right;

And so, in case he needs my prayers, I pray.

This is something I strive to practice in my own life. When such a memory is triggered, I take it as a signal to pray. Most of the time, this just entails my asking God to pour out His blessings and strength and grace upon my friend, then going on about my daily business with nary a second thought. But on a few occasions, I've been privileged and amazed to later learn how urgently those prayers were needed and appreciated at the very moment they were offered.

I find this very comforting. Because I know that the God who impresses me to pray for others just when they need it most will likewise prompt others to intercede for me in my time of need (which, incidentally, is 24/7 and is also the reason God gave me a praying mother — but that's another post for another day).

When others are in our thoughts, shouldn't they be in our prayers, as well?

Make Your Valentine’s Day

As a wife, you have the ability to make your Valentine’s day, every day of the year, and you don’t even need flowers, chocolates, or greeting cards to do it. Just follow these three simple steps:







And that about sums it up. No further explanation required.

Make Your Valentine's Day

As a wife, you have the ability to make your Valentine's day, every day of the year, and you don't even need flowers, chocolates, or greeting cards to do it. Just follow these three simple steps:







And that about sums it up. No further explanation required.