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EP 98: 9 Ways to Defuse a Disagreement

Romans 12:18 tells us, “If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.” How does that play out in real life? Is there a place for meaningful debate on important topics? And, if so, how can we keep such discussions calm and civil and God-honoring? What steps can we take to defuse a disagreement and keep it from escalating into a full-blown fight?

That’s our topic on Loving Life at Home. Much of the material for this episode is taken from a post I wrote over 11 years ago, which you can read in its entirety under today’s show notes. Listen in and let me know what you think.

Show NotesVERSES CITED:Romans 8:28 – “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His”Genesis 50:20 – “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result, to preserve many people alive.”Ephesians 4:15 – “Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.”Colossians 4:6 – “Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person.”James 1:5 – “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.”Proverbs 21:19 – “Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife.”Proverbs 21:9 – “Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.”Proverbs 17:14 – “The beginning of strife is likeletting out water, So abandon the quarrel before it breaks out.”Romans 12:18 – “If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.”John 15:17-18 — “This is My command to you: Love one another. If the world hates you, understand that it hated Me first.”Proverbs 18:13 – “Spouting off before listening to the facts is both shameful and foolish.”Proverbs 10:12 – “Hatred stirs up conflict, but love covers over all wrongs.”Proverbs 15:1 – “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”Proverbs 25:11 – “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.”Proverbs 16:21 – “Sweetness of speech increases persuasiveness.”Proverbs 14:29 – “Whoever is patient has great understanding, but one who is quick-tempered displays folly.”Proverbs 15:18 – “A hot-tempered person stirs up strife, but the slow to anger calms a dispute.”James 4:6 – “God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble.”Revelation 3:19 – “Those whom I love, I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest and repent.”RELATED LINKS:What Men Intend for Evil – poem I wrote several years agoTurning Point USA – the organization Charlie Kirk foundedCharlie Kirk’s Instagram Account – still growing!STAY CONNECTED:Subscribe: Flanders Family Freebies -weekly themed link lists of free resourcesInstagram: @flanders_family – follow for more great contentFamily Blog: Flanders Family Home Life – parenting tips, homeschool help, printablesMarriage Blog: Loving Life at Home– encouragement for wives, mothers, believersMy Books: Shop Online – find on Amazon, at Barnes & Noble, or through our websiteRemembering Charlie KirkPartial Transcript from Episode 98

This has been a week to remember, hasn’t it? So much senseless violence and death. The brutal murder of that 23-year-old Ukranian woman who was simply riding a train, minding her own business, in North Carolina. The assassination of Charlie Kirk, the 31-year-old founder of Turning Point USA who was famous for his commitment to having civil conversations with anybody who disagreed with him on college campuses across the country and around the globe. And anniversary of the unforgettable 9-11 terrorist attacks, which took place 24 years ago this month. Can you believe it’s been that long?

In many ways, 9-11 served to unite our country. It brought us to our knees in prayer, convinced us to lay aside our differences, united us in purpose and commitment, and led to revival within the church, however short-lived that renewed interest in growing closer to God may have been for some of the people involved. With others it stuck.

All of those things are a testimony to the fact God can and does work all things – even horrifically senseless, evil things – “together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose,” as Romans 8:28 assures us.

As Joseph told the brothers who sold him into slavery, “you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result, to preserve many people alive.”

Several years ago, I wrote a poem about Joseph’s story, and the stories of many other believers we read about in God’s Word. I won’t quote the entire thing to you – or maybe I will — but the poem ends like this:

…Then, at the height of all injustice,
Christ was crucified,
Yet God’s redemptive plans all hinged
Upon the fact He died.
Without the cross, without the grave
From which He rose again,
The world He loved and came to save
Would perish in its sin.

Doubtlessly, the devil thought
He’d won when Christ was slain,
For little did he understand
The depth of God’s great plan.
He fancied he was in control,
But he misunderstood—
What Satan meant for evil,
God Himself decreed for good.

And so today, as in the past,
The Lord is on His throne,
He’s unperplexed by wicked schemes
Our enemies have sown.
May history show, when foes conspired,
That on this truth I stood:
What men intend for evil,
God will always use for good.

We are already beginning to see that in the case of Charlie Kirk’s death last week, as well. People who had never even heard of Charlie are watching his countless videos and are hearing – some for the first time ever — not only his defense of conservative beliefs but also his bold proclamation of the gospel of Christ.

Charlie knew his Bible, and he clearly communicated the fact that all have sinned and fallen short of God’s holy standard, that Jesus died to pay the penalty for our sin, that he was buried and rose again from the grave, so that by grace through faith, we can put our hope and trust in Him, receive full forgiveness for our willful rebellion against God and walk in newness of life.

So the message is still going out, even after the messenger’s life has abruptly come to an end.

People who knew and loved Charlie personally are speaking out, too, boldly proclaiming the truth, taking up his mantle, and pledging to carry on his legacy of respectful dialogue with people who hold opposing viewpoints.

Earlier this week, I read that on the day Charlie died, there were 9,000 chapters of Turning Point USA on college campuses across the country, but that in the six days immediately following his assassination, Turning Point has received over 54,000 requests for new college or high school chapters.

Which is wonderful. I’m so thankful that’s the case. My son and grandson attended a TPUSA meeting on our local college campus just last night and both joined the legacy committee, dedicated to keeping the conversation going.

I also read that in that same 1-week period, Charlie’s Instagram account went from having 1.5M followers to 12.7M followers. That’s a lot of new people being exposed to his Christian conservative worldview.

Add to that the fact that multiple millions of Charlie’s followers are gathering together to pray, to sing hymns, to light candles, to fellowship and remember a life well-lived, and I can definitely see how God is working even this very tragic circumstances together for our good and for God’s glory. And that makes me so very hopeful!

I wrote a blog post over a decade ago entitled 9 Ways to Defuse a Disagreement, which I’d like to share with you today.

As I was reading back over it this week, I realize Charlie Kirk epitomized all 9 points. He was so faithful to “speak the truth in love,” as Ephesians 4:15 compels all of us to do. His speech was “always full of grace, seasoned with salt,” (Colossians 4:6) and God granted him the wisdom to “know how to answer everyone.”

And God promises to give that same kind of wisdom to us if only we ask for it. Charlie showed us it is possible to engage in lively debate without demeaning the person with whom you are conversing.

I actually learned that same fact, long before Charlie was even born, by watching my father….

9 Ways to Defuse a Disagreement

My father was one of the friendliest, most gregarious men I’ve ever met. He loved people — but he also loved a spirited debate. Mom always said Dad would argue with a fence post.

My mother was decidedly not fond of fiery discussions. She has always detested conflict of any sort. Dad would often tease Mom, trying to get a rise out of her, but she would not be baited. He might as well have been arguing with that famed fencepost, for all the luck he had in drawing his wife into an argument.

By nature, I tend to take after my father, but by conscious effort, I try to follow my mother’s example.

Scripture says it would be better to live in a desert or in the corner of a roof than in a house with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife. (Proverbs 21:19) My mother’s willingness to “abandon a quarrel before it breaks out” (Proverbs 17:14) made our home a more pleasant and peaceful place to live — for all of us.

Of course, you may not always see eye-to-eye with your husband. When there are areas of disagreement or concerns that need to be discussed, take care to do so in a calm, cool, collected, and consistently respectful way.

Communicating respect to your husband does not necessitate keeping all your thoughts to yourself. It does not mean going along with his every whim, even when serious reservations exist.

Showing respect is not about suppressing your feelings; it’s really more about the tone with which those feelings are expressed.

A disrespectful tone communicates, “Listen, you idiot, let me set you straight on this matter, because it’s obvious you don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Of course, we would (hopefully) never actually say such a thing, but our husbands will sometimes hear these words in our tone, even when we don’t utter them outright.

A respectful tone, by contrast, first hears the other person out. It always gives thoughtful consideration to what is being said, even if the speaker isn’t able to articulate his ideas as easily as you yourself might be able to do so. A respectful tone validates the other person by saying, “I see your point,” before continuing, “but have you considered…?”

Many times, our husbands do things in a different way than we would do them, but that doesn’t mean their way is wrong. Go with the flow for as long as possible, then when an issue arises that you really feel strongly about, you will have stored up some goodwill by not having contradicted the two or three dozen choices he’s made prior to the current one. It is easy for our husbands to grow weary and lose patience when we argue and second-guess each and every decision they make.

As for preventing difficult discussions from escalating into angry arguments, follow these guidelines to keep tempers from flaring:

Practice Attentive Listening

Pay attention to what your spouse is trying to say to you. Hear him out. Don’t just pretend to be listening while you mentally rehearse what you plan to say next.

“Spouting off before listening to the facts is both shameful and foolish.” – Proverbs 18:13

Demonstrate Genuine Love

If you will focus on all the reasons you love this person instead of on the things that irritate you about him, you will be much less likely to say something you later regret.

“Hatred stirs up conflict, but love covers over all wrongs.” – Proverbs 10:12

Maintain Calm Voices

Don’t allow the pitch to creep up in your conversation. Maintain a gracious, soft-spoken demeanor at all times.

“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” – Proverbs 15:1

Use Word Pictures

Well thought-out word pictures and analogies are a great way to communicate a concern without being abrasive and accusatory.

“A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.” – Proverbs 25:11

Keep Sweet Speech

Let your words be filled with kindness and seasoned with grace; do not resort to name calling or exaggerated accusations.

“Sweetness of speech increases persuasiveness.” – Proverbs 16:21

Exercise Patient Understanding

Try to see the situation from your spouse’s point of view. Be sympathetic. Put yourself in his shoes to better appreciate his perspective.

“Whoever is patient has great understanding, but one who is quick-tempered displays folly.” – Proverbs 14:29

Remain Cool-Headed

Weigh your words carefully, always and only speaking the truth in love. Don’t be rash.

“A hot-tempered person stirs up strife, but the slow to anger calms a dispute.” – Proverbs 15:18

Show Sincere Humility

Rid your tone (and your heart) of all pride and condescension, neither of which serve any purpose but to stir up strife and discord.

“God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” – James 4:6

Express Earnest Repentance

Show appropriate, unfeigned remorse over any wrongdoing. Apologize for offensive things you have said or done without excusing your actions or casting blame on your spouse.

“Those whom I love, I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest and repent.” – Revelation 3:19

Through her example, my mother taught me that I don’t always have to have the last word; I don’t need to drive home my point; I’m under no obligation to convince others I’m right.

It takes two to argue. Isn’t it liberating to know that? It takes two — and you don’t have to be one of them.

This post is excerpted from my book, 25 Ways to Communicate Respect to Your Husband. For more marriage encouragement, connect with me on Facebook.

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Published on September 17, 2025 04:16

Prayer for Single Mothers

I recently received a message from a reader requesting a prayer for single mothers. She writes:

Hi Jennifer,

I have been a sole parent for the best part of 20 years. I was saved after I left my children’s father, so I kind of did life back-to-front. [Single mothers] seem to be an oft forgotten group because we don’t into the conservative mould of what a Christian should look like.

…I was wondering if there might be a chance you could do up some prayers for single mums and dads. I’m sure there are many other single parents who would also …appreciate some specific, biblical based prayers to pray.

Many thanks, and God bless.

This reader is right. Raising children is a challenging job, even when both mother and father work at it together as a team! But when Dad is absent and the responsibility falls entirely on Mom’s shoulders, it can feel especially heavy.

This is true whether the mother in question has been abandoned, divorced, or widowed. Solo parenting is difficult, even when Dad is only temporarily out of the picture. Perhaps he’s been deployed with the military. Perhaps he has to travel with his job for weeks or months at a time. Perhaps he is injured or terminally ill or hospitalized or otherwise incapacitated.

Whatever circumstances precipitated the situation, women who must raise their children without the help of a capable, loving, and devoted father need a lot of prayer support. I’ve been thinking about that fact a lot over the past week, as the LORD has woken me up several times a night with a burden to pray for Erika Kirk after her husband’s recent assassination.

I’ve incorporated many of those same requests I’ve made on behalf of Charlie Kirk’s widow in the free prayer prayer guide for single moms below.

The above version is what one might pray for a single-parent friend or family member. But I realize the person who sent me that message was asking for a bible-based prayer she could pray on her own behalf.

You can find that version below. Please note that every one of these requests — every line of both prayers — has a strong biblical basis. Click on any of the scripture links below to read the foundational verses for yourself.

A Prayer for a Single Mother

LORD, guide me as a single mom (Psalm 25:5)
Who leans on Your strong arm; (Psalm 139:10)
Be my shield and my defender (Psalm 18:2)
And protect me from all harm. (Psalm 121:7)
Be a father to my children, (Psalm 68:5)
May we gladly bear Your name. (2 Thessalonians 1:12)
Grant me grace for every trial; (2 Corinthians 12:9)
Carry me through flood and flame. (Psalm 68:19-20)

Lend the patience and endurance (1 Peter 2:19-20)
I will need to face each day. (Lamentations 3:22-23)
Furnish wisdom and direction (Proverbs 4:11)
When I do not know the way. (Psalm 25:8-9)
Give me peaceful rest in slumber, (Proverbs 3:24)
LORD, provide for every need. (Philippians 4:19)
Calm my fears and soothe my worries (John 14:27)
As I cast them at Your feet. (1 Peter 5:7)

Change my sorrow to rejoicing; (Psalm 126:5-6)
Help me love her enemies— (Luke 6:27-28)
Meeting hatred with forgiveness— (Colossians 3:13-14)
As I trust the God who sees. (Hebrews 4:13)
Grow my faith in You much deeper; (Ephesians 3:17-19)
Let my love for Jesus shine. (Matthew 5:16)
And when others see my well-lived life, (Psalm 1:1-3)
May all the praise be Thine. (Jude 1:24-25)

Both versions of this prayer are available as a pretty, free printable prayer guide. Just click on the download button below to print either or both.

click to download both versions of this prayer for single mothersMore Printable Prayer Guides

You will find many more prayer guides you can download individually for free by following this link: Free Printable Prayer Guides.

Or you can save time by investing in a copy of my Pretty Prayer Print Pack and then download a whole bundle of resources in a single click, including all our most popular prayer guides plus prayer lists and diaries, prayer-themed coloring pages, prayer cards, and beautiful printable artwork suitable for framing. Several of the resources in this collection are not available anywhere else.

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Published on September 16, 2025 20:51

EP 97: Q&A – Babies, Books, & Correcting Other People’s Children

Time for a little Q&A! I’ve been cleaning out my inbox this week and answering some of the questions my blog readers, podcast listeners, and/or newsletter subscribers have sent in. So I’ve decided to tackle several of those topics on today’s podcast episode.

Show NotesVERSES CITED:Proverbs 29:17 – “Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart.” James 1:5 – “But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him.”RELATED LINKS:EP 92: Benefits of Big Family Living Pledge of Allegiance to the Flag Pledge of Allegiance to the Bible Pledge of Allegiance to the Creator A Prayer for Police Officers Praying for our Troops Taming the Toy Box Age Appropriate Chores for ChildrenSTAY CONNECTED:Subscribe: Flanders Family Freebies -weekly themed link lists of free resourcesInstagram: @flanders_family – follow for more great contentFamily Blog: Flanders Family Home Life – parenting tips, homeschool help, printablesMarriage Blog: Loving Life at Home– encouragement for wives, mothers, believersMy Books: Shop Online – find on Amazon, at Barnes & Noble, or through our website

Q&A: Babies, Books, Badges, and Correcting Other People’s ChildrenComplete transcript from Episode 87

Hello, Friends. Welcome to Episode 97 of Loving Life at Home. This week, I’ve been cleaning out my inbox and answering some of the questions my blog readers, podcast listeners, and/or newsletter subscribers have sent in.

I was planning to call this episode “Mailbox Monday,” but I’m late on posting it, so I had to change the title.

I guess I could’ve called it “Trying-to-Tidy-my-Inbox Tuesday,” or “Wish-I-Were-More-on-Top-of-Things Wednesday.”

But the point is, even after moving all the unsolicited email advertisements and other spam to the trash, I still have lots of bona-fide messages in my inbox awaiting a response: questions that need answering, topic suggestions for podcasts or posts, reader requests I want to work on.

So I decided to knock out a bunch of them all at once today. In this episode, I’ll be tackling questions such as:

Is it safe for most women to have ten or more babies?What math books are best for teaching homeschool students?Can I use your prayer guides if I live in another country?Could you please publish a new pledge of allegiance?What books would you recommend for boys to read?What should I do when other people’s kids misbehave in my home?

If you find any of those topics of interest, keep listening while we delve in. My first letter poses this question:

QUESTION: Is giving birth multiple times safe for healthy women?

Adam writes in response to my episode on the Benefits of Big Family Living (which I’ll link in today’s show notes).

Hi. Thank you for sharing your experience.

I am a man, but I want to know is it safe for most healthy women to have over 10 children? is having big families not for all healthy women? I heard pregnancies change many things about the bodies of women.

God bless your family. Thanks.

My ANSWER: Every woman is different!

I replied to him that…Yes, pregnancy definitely changes many things about a woman’s body. I cannot speak for all women, or even for all healthy women. But I’m happy to share what I’ve observed through the years.

And that is the fact that Some women’s bodies seem to “bounce back to normal” almost immediately after having a baby. Others, not so much. That’s even true of the same woman with different pregnancies. It certainly was for me. The baby weight simply melted away without any extra effort on my part after the first few deliveries, but it stubbornly clung to my hips and midsection for decades after I had my last few babies.

Additionally, some women, whether generally healthy or obviously out-of-shape, have such easy pregnancies and smooth deliveries that they would gladly consider having ten or more children. That’s the group I found myself in.

Other women, including some who were in tip-top health to begin with, endure such difficult pregnancies and traumatic deliveries that they will probably have to think twice before signing up to go through the same ordeal a second or third (much less a tenth or twelfth) time.

Of course, generally speaking, women have been successfully delivering babies for all of human history. Yet pregnancy and childbirth are not without risk. Between 700 and 800 women die in the US each year due to maternal causes (during pregnancy through six weeks postpartum). Though the risk of death is relatively low (far more women die each year in car accidents, for instance), it isn’t zero.

That’s why it’s so important for a couple to discuss this topic frankly and prayerfully in order to arrive at a joint decision regarding family size, while still recognizing it is God who opens and closes the womb.

You need to know that even if you both decide you want a double handful of children, that doesn’t automatically mean you will have them. Likewise, if you decide to limit yourselves to having just one or two children — or even zero – God can certainly overrule that decisions as well by sending you two or three babies at a time or by blessing you with a pregnancy even when you were doing everything in your power to prevent it.

I’m not sure what prompted this question from this listener. Maybe he isn’t even married yet but is simply curious about what caring for a wife and children might someday entail. Or maybe he IS married and is trying to convince a reluctant wife to have more children.

Either way, I’m pretty certain the average woman wouldn’t want her husband (or a potential husband) to pressure her to keep popping out babies just because some stranger on the Internet told him it was safe to do so.

The desire for a large family should ideally come from God, as He is the One to whom you both must look to sustain you when the going gets tough, which it inevitably will from time to time, regardless how many children you ultimately have or don’t have.

The next question is admittedly niche. Sherrie writes…

QUESTION: What’s the best way to teach math?

What curriculum [do you use] to teach Algebra? I run a cottage school, and we are having [a hard time finding a curriculum that works]! I would love to know what your co-op has used.

Thanks,

Sherrie

ANSWER: It all depends on how much time you can devote to teaching

My very favorite math curriculum and what I’ve always used with my own children (and still do) is Saxon Math – at least for grades 4 and up. Saxon didn’t have a curriculum for grades K-3 back when we first started homeschooling, so I had to find something else for the younger grades. My favorite for the early years is Horizons workbooks, and I stuck with those until my kids are ready for Saxon 54.

In the PRO column for Saxon, is:

1) It is straightforward. I can teach the material cover to cover, and with the exception of fractional part equations, Saxon explains everything exactly as I would explain it myself. So it is intuitive for me as a teacher. Also…

2) The books are non-consumeable. So I’ve been able to use the same textbooks for all twelve of my children and several of my grandchildren now, as well.

3) It teaches to mastery. Once most of my kids finish Algebra 2, they’ve been ready and able to CLEP out of College Algebra. Ditto for passing the Pre-Calculus CLEP after finishing Saxon Advanced Math. And those of my children who went all the way through Saxon calculus with me at home earned college credit for calculus through CLEP exams, as well.

4) The fourth thing in Saxon’s PRO column is something some students want to place in the CON column, and that is the fact Saxon has a lot of review in every homework set. It adds up to 25-30 questions a day, which to some kids seems like a lot. But I’m of the opinion that, if you understand the concepts, you’ll be able to get through all that review pretty fast. And if you don’t, then you really need the extra practice.

However, I’ve also taught Algebra 1 and 2 at my homeschool co-op for many years, and Saxon would not work very well at all for a class that meets only once a week (which in such a setting would be another CON). So I use Math-U-See to teach my co-op kids.

The PRO of this curricula is that it introduces only one new concept a week, followed by five homework problem sets and a test — perfect for co-op. I cover the topic on Mondays, the students do a worksheet on that topic each day and take a test over the weekend before moving on to a new topic the following week.

The CON is that the student workbook has no kind of instruction in it, so if a student misses class, he can’t really read over the concepts on his own unless his family also buys the textbook or invests in the DVDs of Steve Demme teaching each lesson.

Also, Math-U-See Algebra 2 includes a few geometry problems on every test, despite the fact that no geometry is ever explained in the text book or taught in class or reviewed in the homework assignments. And my students who have not yet taken Geometry are sometimes clueless as how to solve those problems.

(My solution: I count those as extra credit — students who solve them correctly get extra points added to their test grade, but students who miss them don’t lose any points for not knowing how to work them.)

Now, for some reason, the leadership at my co-op decided to switch math curriculum a few years ago and went with Alpha Omega Life Pacs. I’ve used Life Pacs to teach physical science before at home and thought they were okay, but it was extremely stressful trying to adapt Alpha-Omega’s Algebra curriculum for my co-op classes and I absolutely dreaded teaching the class that semester — despite the fact that I’ve always LOVED algebra (really math, in general) – enough to major in math in college and do two years of graduate work in the same field.

The PRO for Alpha-Omega is that: The workbooks do contain some instruction and examples, so students who miss class can review the material on their own.

Cons: The course is meant to be used with video instruction, so there was not really a good teacher’s guide with well-laid-out lesson plans available for me to use in class. Also, the homework was insane — as many as 450 problems per week, and much of that was busy work with vague explanations of what students were expected. Like “Make up a problem about such-and-such then solve it on your own.” Such non-discrete answers were a nightmare to grade when I had 9 or 10 students turning in nearly 500 problems each. There was simply no way I could check that amount of homework with any degree of thoroughness in the couple hours I had access to students’ completed assignments.

In the end, we didn’t even make it six weeks before we abandoned that curriculum and went back to Math-U-See. In fact, one of the leaders in our homeschool Co-op (NOT the one who chose the new curriculum) later confided to me that the AO Life Pacs were what convinced her mother to homeschool in the first place. The small private school in which she’d enrolled her oldest daughters used LifePacs and the curriculum was giving her little girls fits, as well. So she eventually decided she could do a better job educating them at home with a different curriculum, so that’s what she did!

My next question comes from a subscriber named Mary Alice. She writes…

QUESTION: Could you compose a new pledge of allegiance?

Dear Jennifer,

I so enjoy your emails & podcasts – even at my age – 83! Thank you for working so hard to plant values in the younger generation of women.

When I read there is a day in September to honor The Pledge of Allegiance to our country. I am wondering if you have, or would be willing to compose, a Pledge of Allegiance to our Creator God who blesses us so abundantly.

Thank you for giving thought to that. Blessings in your ministry for the Lord & women,

Mary Alice

ANSWER: I’d be glad to! Will this one work?

Well, I thought that was a really sweet idea and of course I was happy to fulfill that simple request.

Our homeschool group pledges allegiance to the American flag and to the Bible every Monday morning, but I’ve never encountered a pledge to the Creator before. So I wrote one myself. It goes like this:

I pledge allegiance to the LORD,
Creator of Heaven and Earth,
And to my Savor, Jesus Christ,
Who died for my sins
then rose again
to the praise and Glory of God.

I designed a pretty printable version, as well, which I’ll link in today’s show notes along with the Pledge to the Bible and the Pledge to the US Flag, in case you might be interested in any or all three.

Next is a question from a reader in South Africa. He writes…

QUESTION: Only for American Officers?

Good day, I was just looking at your Prayer for Police. Are you from America? And is the ” symbol for Police” also for America or can it be used all over the world? I am from South Africa.

[The symbol he is referencing was just some black line clip art I used at the top of this particular printable, which I’ll link in today’s show notes. And I’ll also include a link to a new prayer guide for the military, another (related) reader request I recently fulfilled.]

ANSWER: They all need prayer!

My answer to this international reader is that police badges differ from city to city and state to state. The symbol I used is not official. It was only meant to be a generic representation of law and order. I do not see any problem for people to use that symbol or pray that prayer for officers in other parts of the world. Because Police need divine strength and protection, no matter where they serve.

QUESTION: Recommended reading list for boys?

My next question is about books. A subscriber named Carol writes:

Do you have a “must read” book list for high school boys before graduating? If so, please share.

ANSWER: No (not yet!)

I don’t presently have any such post on the blog. But I should! I think that’s a great idea.

Off the top of my head, I think such a list would include…

The Men We Need – by Brant HansonDo Hard Things – by Alex and Brett HarrisCreated for Work – by Bob Schultz (sadly out of print)Thoughts for Young Men by J.C. RyleBiographies of George Muller and Brother AndrewMore Than Meets the Eye by Richard Swensen

Those are all non-fiction. As for Fiction, I’d also include

The Iron Ring and First Two Lives of Lucas Kasha by Lloyd AlexanderAs well as The Chronicles of Prydain by Lloyd AlexanderThe Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. TolkienThe Chronicles of Narnia by CS Lewis (especially The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. Prince Caspian, and The Horse and His Boy. And the Magician’s Nephew. And Voyage of the Dawn Treader. Really all of them are great.Also, To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper LeeWhere the Red Fern Grows by Wilson RawlsWonder and also White Bird by RJ PalacioCarry on Mr. Bowditch by Jean Lee LathamRestart and Schooled by Mark KormanA Single Shard by Linda Sue ParkOld Yeller by Fred Gipson

Those were a few of the books my boys really liked that would probably make the list. If you are listening and can think of any I’ve missed, drop me a line and let me know. I’ll do my best to expand upon this list and turn it into a post. Thanks for the inspiration.

QUESTION: The Men We Need?

The next question is about books, too. Melanie writes…

Hi Jennifer,

I don’t know if your emails are designed to be answered, but I’m assuming since “friends” told you about the broken links, that you’ll see this reply.

I’m wondering about the book that you recommended, The Men We Need. Do you think it would be appropriate for a pre-teen?

Melanie

ANSWER: Yes and Yes

My ANSWER to both questions is yes:

Yes, My newsletters are designed to be answered, so you can just hit reply anytime you have something to say to me.

And also, yes. I think The Men We Need could be safely read by a preteen. I do not remember anything that would be objectionable for younger kids to read in Hanson’s book, alhtough I wasn’t specifically looking at it through that lens.

I think my youngest sons were 14 and 17 when we first read it and my daughter was 12. You might consider reading the book aloud to your preteens so you can discuss it as you go. It is simultaneously funny and sobering. Let me know what you think if you end up reading it (or listening to the audiobook) together!

Then, my last question today is from a reader who writes….

QUESTION: How do you deal with misbehaving children who visit your home?

“One question that I have struggled with for years — and so I am reaching out to you for mentoring — is how to deal with other people’s children who are permitted to run wild in my home by their own parents. I just had this happen last week, and I feel like when these families come over their children burst through the doors like a hurricane and the parents just watch and say nothing.

“There are no boundaries, and some moms just credit their children’s behavior to “curiosity”. It feels so awkward to me to say something “right then and there”, but as an older women now — who did not permit her children to act that way — I feel like need to and should say something. I feel very uncomfortable and like the parents do not respect the privacy and sanctity of our home when they allow their children to act that way.

“Even as I see this happening, however, I struggle SO much to confront it in the moment because I do not want to embarrass the parents or make them feel bad. I just don’t know what to say, and I get so frustrated and angry with myself, more than anything.

“As my husband and I were raising our 3 kids, we wanted people be happy to see us coming … not happy to see us going, and yet that is honestly how I feel when families like these come to our home — and they are Christian families, not unbelievers. When our children were little I gleaned a lot of wisdom from older parents in our church who were a few steps ahead of us, as well as from solid, biblical authors or raising children.

“We did not believe in child-proofing our home because the World is not child-proofed. By teaching our children what “NO” meant at home, I was able to go to a store, someone else’s un-baby-proofed home or office, and I did not have to worry about my children being out of control, breaking something or embarrassing me.

“I truly wanted our children to be a blessing wherever we went. As the Proverbs 29:17 says, “Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart.” (ESV) These children feel very much out of control, and while I want to practice hospitality, boundaries are necessary because “curiosity” can be very costly and even dangerous with boundaries.

Thank you for taking my question and listening. I was wrestling with this so much today and then I saw your [newsletter] pop into my email and so I thought “I’m going to ask Jennifer” what she would do! : )

ANSWER: Proceed with caution

This particular reader is not the only mom to write me about this problem. I’ve heard from enough others to know what she describes is a common occurrence. So what can we do about it?

It’s a tough question, and something I’ve had to deal with from time to time myself. If the misbehaving kids are unlikely to ever come again, or maybe only once every year or two, I normally try my best to ignore the behavior. I don’t know if that’s really the best course of action, but it seems the most pragmatic for me.

If, on the other hand, the children in question are regular guests —maybe they belong to members of a small group that meets weekly in your house or are neighbors who frequently drop in for a visit or even grandkids whose parents don’t always enforce the house rules as consistently as you’d like — then we’ve got to come up with a game plan that allows us to firmly but lovingly guide our youngest guests into adopting a higher standard of behavior than may normally be required of them. It will help if everybody living in your house is on the same page, so explain expectations beforehand and enlist the help of spouse and older children to enforce these rules.

Insist visiting children stay in a public area where you can keep an eye on them at all times. Anticipate short attention spans and curiosity and provide coloring pages or building blocks or puzzles to entertain them while they’re in your home.

If they get bored with one toy, have them pick that one up and put it away before providing for them another. Speak directly to the children with a warm smile and an extra measure of patience. Don’t treat their curiosity as a failure on their parents’ part to train them but assume the role of teacher and encourager yourself as you sweetly explain the rules.

In my experience, parents usually will see this interaction and back you up. If they don’t or if the children are rude and disrespectful, you may have to have the offending children sit out until they can do better.

If the children are left in your care, it is a bit easier to navigate than when the parents are right in the next room. I remember when my oldest grandkids were little, they’d often stay with me while their mother ran errands. And inevitably, when my daughter-in-law came back to get them, she’d always acted surprised that my house still looked clean and the kids were all playing, even if they’d been there all day long including a couple of meals.

But that’s just because I enforced the same rules with them as I had for my own kids growing up. Namely, we cleaned up messes as we went along, with everybody pitching in to help. We’d all work together to get the kitchen cleaned up after meals, and we’d put one toy up before getting another out. If, for instance, they got tired of playing with Lincoln Logs, we’d pick all those up and put them away before getting out the box of duplos or matchbox cars or dinosaurs.

I have a post called Taming the Toybox that explains our method in more detail. I’ll like that in the show notes, as well as a free printable chart of age-appropriate chores for children – in case you need a little inspiration.

As for correcting other people’s errant children, I would also recommend praying about the situation. That’s always the best place to start. God promises in James 1:5 that He will give wisdom to all who ask, and He will undoubtedly help you in this sticky situation as well.

In my experience, unless you are really very close, confronting parents directly about their children’s wild behavior rarely goes over well. It is hard to do that without coming across as judgmental or self-righteous. And anybody who’s raised as many children as I have knows that young kids are full of surprises and do not always behave as parents hope — even when parents work consistently at training to do better.

I don’t think I’ve ever had a guest in my home do anything so outrageous that one of my own children hadn’t tried something equally as shocking first at some point in their life.

In fact, just last week, one of my youngest little grandkids snuck off unnoticed to a bathroom in the back of our house and opened a drawer of my closet desk, pulled out two or three sets of calligraphy markers and several bottles of glue, and dropped them all – one-by-one — into the toilet.

When his mother found out, she seemed mortified, but I well remember when my own daughter – who incidentally just turned 26 yesterday – did the same thing as a toddler, only she flushed the evidence. And I had to call the plumber 3 days in a row before he finally pulled the toilet and realized the u-trap was filled with a matrix of markers all jammed up like so many pixie sticks – so that water and even a little toilet paper could easily flush right through, but nothing solid could go down.

At least when little Lukie did the same thing, the water was clean, and he wasn’t able to reach the buttons on top of my toilet to flush all those craft supplies, so it was an easy matter to just fish everything back out of the bowl, dry it off, and put it away.

The point is, kids will be kids, but they do need guidance. Perhaps the mom who is sitting on your couch letting her kids run wild like a hurricane is feeling overwhelmed or at a loss as to how to reign them back in. So do your best to graciously redirect them. Read them a story. Serve them a snack. Give them some blocks to play with on the floor by your feet.

If they’re older, put them to work by hiring them to pick up pinecones or rake the leaves in your yard and keep them busy that way. Be gracious and loving, but also firm about enforcing the rules. Their Mom is sure to take notice and may even learn a few new strategies to try out at home.

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Published on September 10, 2025 21:11

EP 97: Q&A – Babies, Books, Badges, and Correcting Other People’s Children