Jennifer Flanders's Blog, page 3

EP 86: Two Key Ways You Can Help Your Kids Flourish

Our oldest son just celebrated his 37th birthday and told us over dinner what he considers the two most important and impactful things his dad and I did for him growing up, so I’m unpacking both those key ways to help your kids flourish in this week’s episode. I hope you’ll listen in.

Show NotesVERSES CITEDJames 1:23-25 -“For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who ….”Psalms 1:3 – “…his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper.”Matthew 5:20 – “Unless your righteousness surpasses the righteousness of the scribes….”Matthew 23:27 – “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like ….”Romans 8:26 – “…the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groans too deep for words.”Deuteronomy 11:18-21 – “Therefore shall ye lay up these my words in your heart and….”Proverbs 22:6 – “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old….”Psalm 51:10 – “Create in me a clean heart, O God!”Romans 8:28 – “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good ….”1 Corinthians 3:6 – “I planted, Apollos watered, but God was causing the growth.”Matthew 25:23 – “Well done, my good and faithful servant… Enter into the joy of your Master.”RELATED LINKS:Lies Women Believe by Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth – book I’m currently readingEP 28: Bible Memory Tips & TricksEP 85: Memorize Proverbs 3 with MeEP 55: Smoothing Your Child’s Passage to Adulthood31 Verses to Pray over Your Child – free prayer guide for parentsPraying for Your Unborn Child – free prayer guide for expectant parentsPraying for Your Children from Head to Toe – free prayer guide for parentsOur Teens Need Prayer – free prayer guide for parents of teensPraying for Your Adult Child – free prayer guide for parents whose kids are grownA Grand Investment Vol 1 – 12 months of Bible Memory resources for familiesA Grand Investment Vol 2 – 12 more months of Bible Memory resources for familiesSTAY CONNECTED:Subscribe: Flanders Family Freebies -weekly themed link lists of free resourcesInstagram: @flanders_family – follow for more great contentFamily Blog: Flanders Family Home Life – parenting tips, homeschool help, lprintablesMarriage Blog: Loving Life at Home– encouragement for wives, mothers, believers 2 Key Ways to Help Your Kids FlourishFULL TRANSCRIPT FOR EPISODE 86

Hello, Friend.

Welcome to Episode 86 of Loving Life at Home. Today I want to talk about two of the very best and most important things a parent can do for their children, and that is, first, to faithfully pray for your kids at every age and stage of their lives and, second, to instill in them a love for God’s Word by doing everything you can to hide it in their hearts.

This episode was inspired by my oldest son, Jonathan, who had a birthday last Saturday. Which is to say that the child who first made me a mother is now, suddenly, 37 years old, as incredible as that sounds to his Dad and me.

In some ways, it seems like it was just yesterday we were bringing him home from the hospital. That may be because I have a huge picture framed and hanging on my bedroom wall of my husband holding Jonathan when he was only hours old, and I see that photo every single day, which undoubtedly serves to keep the event – and all the various emotions that accompanied it — fresh in my mind.

But in other ways, I am aware of the fact a whole lot of water has flowed under the bridge since I gave birth to my firstborn. For one thing, I’ve delivered eleven more babies since then. And I’ve gained twenty-four grandchildren, as well — ten of whom belong to that first son.

Learning to Depend More Fully on God

Our family has a group chat group on Signal, so on Saturday, all Jonathan’s siblings were wishing their big brother a happy birthday, and of course Doug and I did the same. And in my message, I commented on the fact that he’s enriched my life in so many ways and really taught me to rely on the LORD to a degree I’d never known before I became a mother.

But then, I thought, well, that same thing is true of my other eleven children too. Each and every one of them has given me a much more vivid understanding of my utter, complete, desperate dependance upon God. Jon may have been the guinnea pig, but it’s not like having a single child suddenly made me an expert or meant I could parent well apart from God’s sustaining grace.

So I added that thought to my message by typing: “Which, come to think of it, could be said of #2-12, as well.”

Or, at least, that’s what I thought I typed. I don’t know about you, but I’m horrible at texting with my thumbs. I have a daughter whose two opposing digits just fly across her screen in a blur anytime she sends a text. It’s really impressive.

I need all ten fingers on a standard keyboard to type that fast, because my thumbs are big and awkward and clumsy and are forever hitting the wrong keys when I try to text. Which is why I normally dictate anything I need to write on my phone. But of course, dictation comes with its own set of problems, since Siri doesn’t know how to spell any of my children’s names and is forever trying to insert apostrophes where they don’t belong in words like were and your. Or she thinks I’m saying something wildly inappropriate and totally unrelated to the question at hand.

But that’s another topic for another day.

The point is, I thought I typed “the same thing could be said of #2-12,” but the message that actually got sent read “the same thing could be said of #11-12.” Which makes it sound like that first baby and the last two were particularly trying. Ha!

But that’s not true. Every child has had his or her challenging days or seasons or attitudes or struggles. And if anything, the last two were the easiest, not because they didn’t have challenges similar to those of their older siblings, but because, by the time they arrived on the scene, I was no longer second-guessing myself on every little thing that came up.

By the time you get to number eleven or twelve, you have a lengthy track record to look back on – not so much of your own abilities and accomplishments as of God’s faithfulness to see you through whatever trials come your way. So you can rest confidently in the knowledge that none of it takes Him by surprise, and He will be there every step of the way granting you wisdom and direction in the very moment you need it most.

Which is huge.

So, that was a much longer introduction than I intended to today’s topic which, as I said before, was inspired by a comment our firstborn made over his birthday lunch on Saturday.

As we were chowing down on barbecue, he turned to me and said, “You know, Mom, the most important things you did for us growing up were that you really worked hard to hide God’s Word in our hearts and you prayed for us daily – and still do. And so does Nana.”  

My husband does as well – he and I do that together first thing, every morning – but I think he was in the bathroom while Jonathan was telling me this, so he didn’t hear it.

A Regular Prayer Warrior

It’s true about Nana, too. Jon was right about that. Nana is my mother, and she is an incredible prayer warrior. She lifts our entire family up – and a lot of other people and concerns — before the Lord every single day by name.

And I don’t just mean she prays, God bless so-and-so and so-and-so as she rattles off an ever-growing list of names. She prays specific prayers over specific needs.

Do you know how powerful that is? And what a huge blessing it is for us?

Just last week, one of my sons took his exit exam for nursing school. This son has diabetes, and he’s always a little nervous that his blood sugar may go haywire in stressful test situations. So he asked me to come sit outside the testing center, just in case, so as to have somebody close by who knew what to do if his blood sugar went too high or too low while he was sitting for the exam.

So, just like I sat outside the testing center 15 months earlier while he took his entrance exam, I went with him again last Friday and sat outside while he took the exit exam.

And during the 3 hours I was outside waiting for my son to finish his test, I prayed for him. Not constantly – I also finished reading a book and did some mending and wrote a few letters and a couple of blog posts and answered texts and emails and stuff like that — but I did pray for him repeatedly, about once every 15 minutes or so.

And I also texted my mom, his Nana, the prayer warrior, to let her know Daniel was taking his test and ask her to pray for him as well, and to also pray for my daughter Abby who had volleyball tryouts the same day, and for me, who needed to make it home from the testing center with Daniel in time to get Abby to the gym.

So Mom answered back immediately and said she’d already prayed for both the test and the tryouts earlier that same morning. So she keeps a running list and refers to it regularly. And she has done that for as long as I can remember.

Do you know what a rich heritage that is?

And it’s a heritage that, with a little self-discipline, each of us can give to our children. It doesn’t cost us anything but the time we spend uttering the prayers. And praying for our kids is so much more effective than worrying or fretting about them!

My Summer Book Club

I’m doing something new this summer. I’ve joined a book club with some women from my church. Our first meeting is tonight, and we’ll be reading and discussing Nancy Leigh DeMoss’s Lies Women Believe.

I’ve had that book on my shelf for years, but I don’t remember ever actually reading it, at least not cover-to-cover. And judging from the fact there are none of my usual highlights or underlines or scribbled notes in the margins, I’m guessing that this will be my first time through the entire book. I have my work cut out for me, because I’m supposed to have finished reading the first two chapters before 7 PM tonight, and I’m just barely getting started.

In the intro, the author notes that in years of traveling across the country – possibly even around the globe – she’s met countless women and many, many of them share a few common struggles. They’re plagued by fear and worry and anxiety and depression. Or they’re weighed down by feelings of guilt or inadequacy or overwhelm. Maybe they’re exhausted, frazzled, burned out, or at the end of their rope. Perhaps they are carrying other heavy burdens that they keep hidden from everyone around them. They just smile and say, “Fine,” anytime anyone asks how they’re doing, and nobody realizes how close to the breaking point they really feel.

As I read through that extensive list of common struggles, I felt very blessed. Aside from occasionally feeling tired or exhausted, I do not have to deal with any of those emotions very often.

Peace in the Midst of a Storm

Instead, I resonate with another kind of woman DeMoss describes. The one whose heart remains at peace and full of confidence and joy, even in the midst of difficult trials – trials like the loss of a child or a cancer diagnosis or myriad other stressful circumstances.

And the author offers hope there, too, because even if you don’t personally toss and turn in bed every night – and I don’t. I fall asleep just as soon as my head hits the pillow – but even if you don’t lie awake obsessing over your own past mistakes or fretting over your own current hardships or experiencing panic attacks over your own fears for the future, you undoubtedly know friends or family members who do.

That is certainly the case for me.

And you’d like to be able to help them get to that same place of peace and joy and confidence in the faithfulness of God that you have in the very depths of your soul.

You want them to be able to assuredly affirm His goodness and implicitly trust that He will work all things – even the hard, heavy, difficult things that we would’ve chosen to avoid if we could – God will work all of that together for our good and His glory.

So in the book (which I’ll link in the show notes), Nancy Leigh DeMoss (now Wolgemuth), promises to point the way – and show her readers how to point the way – to freedom from the cares of this world. She writes:

“I’m not talking about a magic formula that will make problems vanish; I’m not offering any shortcuts to an easy life nor am I promising the absence of pain and difficulties. Life is hard—there’s no way around that. But I’m talking about walking through the realities of life—things like rejection, loss, disappointment, wounds, and even death—in freedom and true joy.”

Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth

Well, I haven’t finished her book yet. I’ve barely even begun it. But reflecting on the introduction, I’m pretty sure I can guess what the solution is for ridding oneself of all the heavy burdens of guilt and worry and overwhelm and anxiety and depression and outright lies Satan tries to saddle us with.

And that solution stems from those two things my son told me were so important in his upbringing. They are the same two things that were key to the way my own parents raised me, as well.

As I’ve flipped through the pages of this book that is filled with lies women commonly believe, very few of them resonate with me, because I grew up in a home where my parents didn’t only earnestly and unceasingly pray for me, but they also stressed the importance of God’s Word. They bought me my own copy of the Bible. They regularly took me to a church that faithfully preached the Bible and believed every word of it is true. Just as I believe as well.  They encouraged me to read, and study, and memorize the Bible and hide it in my heart. And they did their best to live and order their lives according to God’s Word and expected me to do the same.

I’ve already done two episodes dedicated to Bible memorization, which I’ll link again in the show notes. I won’t rehash any of those particulars here, except to say I believe memorizing God’s Word is an important part of proving yourself “to doers of the Word, and not merely hearers who delude themselves,” as James discusses in His epistle. He writes in James 1:23-25,

“For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks at his natural face in a mirror; for once he has looked at himself and gone away, he has immediately forgotten what kind of person he was. But one who looks intently at the perfect law, the law of liberty, and abides by it, not having become a forgetful hearer but an effectual doer, this man will be blessed in what he does.”

Isn’t that what you want for yourself and your children? To be blessed in whatever you do?

Psalms 1:3 describes it this way, speaking of a man who knows and meditates on the holy scriptures instead of listening to the lies of the ungodly scorners:

“And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper.”

Again, that is what I want for my family, and so I’m going to work toward that goal by praying for my children and by doing all I can to hide God’s Word in their hearts, just like my mother did (and does) for me.

Fostering Good Communication

When you think about it, prayer and Bible study are two sides of the communication coin. Prayer is how we talk to God, and the Bible is how He talks to us (through His Word).

We all know that communication is vital to any relationship.

And isn’t relationship the goal? Relationship? Not religion. The world has more than enough “religion” already. The Pharisees were religious, yet Jesus said in Matthew 5:20,

“Unless your righteousness surpasses the righteousness of the scribes and Pharisees, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven.”

I don’t want my children to be religious. I don’t want them to outwardly conform to a set of rules while inwardly their hearts are black with sin. I don’t want them to fit the description Jesus put on those same teachers of the law in Matthew 23:27 when He said,

“Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of dead men’s bones and every kind of impurity.”

So. I’m going to keep pouring God’s Word into my kids and grandkids, and I’m going to keep bringing them before the Lord in prayer.

Free Printable Prayer Guides

If that is a goal you share, I’ll link a few prayer guides in the show notes to help you, including 31 Bible verses you can pray over your child, a new one for every day of the month.

I love praying scripture over my kids, because I feel like when I do that, I’m praying in accordance with the revealed will of God. Praying in the name and through the power of Jesus. Praying in unison with the Holy Spirit, who according to Romans 8:26 intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words, “groanings which cannot be uttered.” Praying in conformity to the heart and mind of God.

This is something my husband and I have done from the very beginning. We started praying for each of our children from the moment we learned I was expecting – we prayed primarily that God would draw them to faith from an early age. But we also prayed for their health and development, and for their mind and disposition.

One of the prayer guides I’ll link in the show notes lists all those petitions we made for our precious babies before they were ever born, along with the scriptural support for each request.

But I also have prayer guides for praying over your children from head to toe and for praying specifically for teens and even for praying over your adult children. So I hope you’ll check them out. You can download any of them for free on my blog, Loving Life at Home.

And for those of you who are currently raising teens and young adults right now, I’ll also include a link to episode 55 of this podcast, which is all about Smoothing Your Child’s Passage to Adulthood, with lots of tips (including fervent prayer) that should help ease that transition, both for parents and child.

A Word of Caution/Clarification

Now, I want end this episode with a word of caution. Just as Nancy Leigh DeMoss noted in the introduction to her book, there are no shortcuts or magic formulas here. Not even Bible memory or earnest prayers are a guarantee that your child will come to a saving knowledge of Christ or live a life that honors him.

Yet faithful, biblically-based parenting is worth our best effort regardless of the outcome.

Deuteronomy 11:18-21 commands us,

“Therefore shall ye lay up these my words in your heart and in your soul, and bind them for a sign upon your hand, that they may be as frontlets between your eyes. And ye shall teach them your children, speaking of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. And thou shalt write them upon the door posts of thine house, and upon thy gates: That your days may be multiplied, and the days of your children, in the land which the LORD sware unto your fathers to give them, as the days of heaven upon the earth.”

Obedience to this injunction is its own reward. As long as we faithfully fulfill the responsibility with which God has entrusted us in making us parents, the work is 100% worthwhile, even if none of the hopes and dreams we have for our children come to fruition.

When they do—when our children love God and make wise decisions and stick to the narrow path and maintain close relationships with both parents and siblings—that’s a big bonus. But it’s not guaranteed. All we can do point them to Christ and let His love flow through us as we train them up in the way they should go. (like Proverbs 22:6 tells us to do)

More like Jesus. That should be the goal, right? “’Create in me a clean heart, O God!’ (as David prayed in Psalm 51:10) Conform me to the image of Christ. Transform my thoughts and bring them into alignment with Your Word.” That has certainly been the prayer and earnest desire of my heart, though I also routinely entreat God to do it—to teach me whatever lessons I need to learn—“in the easiest and most gentle way possible.”

Rejoicing When We Encounter Trials

Unfortunately, a life of ease and comfort rarely produces in us the most pronounced personal growth or the closest walk with God. The quickest route is not always the most rewarding. Sometimes we reap a benefit from doing things “the hard way,” whether we’re baking from scratch or practicing an artisan skill or training for a marathon or writing a book (instead of expecting AI to do it for us) or doing any number of other activities where the process is as important as outcome.

Of course, such knowledge shouldn’t keep us from dodging difficulties or minimizing problems or avoiding struggles when we can. Doing so makes sense. There’s no virtue in embracing pain purely for pain’s sake or purposefully looking for trouble. 

Yet despite our best efforts to avoid them, we sometimes encounter trials we have to endure. Hardships arise which we cannot escape. When that happens, it’s a comfort to know that God is still in control. That He has a higher purpose. That He is actively working all things together for our good and His glory—even through the darkest night, even in the fiercest battle, despite the bleakest prognosis, amid the most exasperating circumstances. (Romans 8:28)

That is true for us. And it is also true for our children. God is sovereign. He remains in control.

And sometimes He receives the highest glory not by rescuing us from a difficult situation but by sustaining us through it. Think of Paul’s thorn in the flesh. Of Daniel’s night in the lion’s den. Of His friends’ walk through the fiery furnace. Of David’s battle with Goliath. Of Joseph’s being sold into slavery.

God could have spared all these saints the dangers they faced, but if He had, we’d know none of their inspiring stories. By preserving them through their difficulties instead, not only did God gain greater glory, but they got a clearer glimpse of His marvelous power—and we drew deeper encouragement from reading their miraculous testimonies. 

In each of these instances, the process was every bit as important as the final result. And the same is true of parenting. 

When we remain faithful through whatever trials motherhood throws our way, we find God’s grace is more than sufficient to see us through the hardest seasons, the longest struggles, the deepest heartbreaks, the most stressful circumstances. 

One more thing hardships teach us? To put our hope and trust in God (where it belongs).

Not in a particular parenting method.

Not in weekly church attendance.

Not in homeschooling.

Not in family devotions.

Not in our own efforts.

Not even in rote Bible memory or printable prayer guides.

As valuable as many of those things may be, they are powerless in themselves to save our children’s souls. Only God has the power to change hearts, and so we must pin all our hopes on God and God alone, both for our own salvation and sanctification, and for the salvation and sanctification of our children.  

It may be that God chooses to use the Bible memory verses or Sunday school teachers or family devotions or homeschool years as a means of grace to draw your children to Himself, and if so, praise His name for keeping you faithful in those areas. But don’t forget it is He who does the drawing and it is He who deserves all the glory.

Like a farmer, we may till the ground, prepare the soil, plant the seed, water the sprouts, pull the weeds, and do a dozen other things to foster faith in the lives of our little ones, but as 1 Corinthians 3:6 reminds us, God alone can make things grow.

That’s true of crops, and it’s true of faith as well. So keep planting, planting, planting, and keep praying, praying, praying that God will bless the work of your hands and grant the desires of your heart and bring all those deep longings to fruition in the life of your children.

If you do, then regardless of what your children ultimately decide, whether to follow Jesus or to go their own way, at least you will have been obedient to the LORD’s commands, and you can look forward to hearing on that coming day when you stand before Him, “Well done, my good and faithful servant. Enter into the joy of your master.”

The post EP 86: Two Key Ways You Can Help Your Kids Flourish appeared first on Loving Life at Home.

EP 85: Memorize Proverbs 3 with Me

The best way I know to “meditate day and night” on the Word of God is to commit large portions of Scripture to memory. Then you’ll always have it with you. Want an easier way to do that? Listen in to Loving Life at Home for a simple, straightforward way to memorize Proverbs 3 with me — the entire chapter.

Show NotesVERSES CITED:Proverbs 3Psalm 119:97RELATED LINKS:EP 28: Bible Memory TipsMemorization Toolbox – book by Abigail MartinProverbs 3 Printable – a pretty printable version (NASB95)STAY CONNECTED:Subscribe: Flanders Family Freebies -weekly themed link lists of free resourcesInstagram: @flanders_family – follow for more great contentFamily Blog: Flanders Family Home Life – parenting tips, homeschool help, lprintablesMarriage Blog: Loving Life at Home– encouragement for wives, mothers, believers click to print proverbs 3Memorize Proverbs 3 with Mefull transcript from episode 85

Hello, friend. Welcome to Episode 85 of Loving Life at Home.

I’ve decided to try something new this week after finishing a slim but practical little book by Abigail Martin called the Memorization Toolbox. (I’ll put a link in the show notes, in case you’re interested in reading it too.)

Abigail has memorized several books of the Bible in their entirety and has great ideas for finding motivation to memorize, selecting passages, learning them by heart, reviewing them consistently, even tips for what to do when you feel stuck. The book is concise but thorough, and one I’d recommend to anybody interested in memorizing more scripture.

The author has used many of the same memorization techniques I’ve talked about before, in Episode 28 (which I’ll also link in my notes).

Anyway, after I finished reading that book last week and posting a review in my newsletter, I received the following message from a subscriber (who happens to be the person who recommended Abigail Martin’s book to me in the first place).

Anyway, this online friend wrote:

Hi Jennifer!

Thanks for the Scripture memory encouragement.

I just finished reading Two Tears on the Window by Kevin & Julia Garratt aloud to my children.  The Garratts did Christian NGO work in China for 30 years.  In their early years in China they met blind believers who were in their 90s and had been factory workers all their lives.  One blind lady had memorized the entire Bible by reading it in Braille!

Katie

Isn’t that amazing? I don’t know about you, but I find that testimony to be both incredibly inspiring and downright convicting. If a blind believer can commit the entire Bible to memory by reviewing it over and over again in Braille, what is my excuse for memorizing no more than a few hundred verses?

I can barely even fathom the discipline it took to learn the whole thing by heart!

So…I’m redoubling my efforts to learn more scripture and would like to invite you to join me, if that’s something you’re interested in doing as well.

I’ve actually been working on this as a family project for the past couple of years. One of my grown sons, Samuel, and his wife, Rebekah, sponsor a family challenge every year. I think I may have mentioned that fact to you before, but in 2023, the challenge was to memorize as many Bible verses over the course of 12 months as we could. I won the challenge for sheer volume, though not for presentation – we had some very creative recitations from several of the kids and grandkids.

But I used the $500 prize money to fund ongoing monthly challenges for the kids and grandkids. I sell a couple of print packs on my website , each with a year’s worth of detailed resources in them, including a treasure map to help track the kids’ progress and awards certificates for each passage learned, plus copy work and coloring pages and craft ideas. These have been a hit with our family members, both young and old.

Anyway, last month’s challenge was to memorize Proverbs 3:1-8.

The 5-and-under crowd only had to quote 2 verses memory (Prov 3:5-6) Ages 6-12 were required to learn five (Prov 3:3-7) to get their prize. And anybody over 12 had to recite all eight. But there are actually 35 verses in the whole chapter, and I was determined to memorize the whole thing.

I’d learned it years – actually, decades – ago, but without regular review, it is hard to hang onto those verses. So this time, I decided to set it to music.

That helped so much and made memorizing it so much faster! I had set as a goal to learn 8-9 verses a week, so as to finish the whole chapter in a month. But by putting it to a tune, I had all 35 verses down in a little over a week.

So I thought I’d sing it to you, so you can learn it too. It goes like this:

1 My son, do not forget my teaching,/ But let your heart keep my commandments;2 For length of days and years of life/ And peace they will add to you.3 Do not let kindness and truth leave you;/ Bind them around your neck,/ Write them on the tablet of your heart.4 So you will find favor and good repute/ In the sight of God and man.5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart/ And do not lean on your own understanding.6 In all your ways acknowledge Him,/ And He will make your paths straight.7 Do not be wise in your own eyes;/ Fear the LORD and turn away from evil.8 It will be healing to your body/ And refreshment to your bones.9 Honor the LORD from your wealth/ And from the first of all your produce;10 So your barns will be filled with plenty/ And your vats will overflow with new wine.11 My son, do not reject the discipline of the LORD/ Or loathe His reproof,12 For whom the LORD loves He reproves,/ Even as a father corrects the son in whom he delights.13 How blessed is the man who finds wisdom/ And the man who gains understanding.14 For her profit is better than the profit of silver/ And her gain better than fine gold.15 She is more precious than jewels;/ And nothing you desire compares with her.16 Long life is in her right hand;/ In her left hand are riches and honor.17 Her ways are pleasant ways/ And all her paths are peace.18 She is a tree of life to those who take hold of her,/ And happy are all who hold her fast.19 The LORD by wisdom founded the earth,/ By understanding He established the heavens.20 By His knowledge the deeps were broken up/ And the skies drip with dew.21 My son, let them not vanish from your sight;/ Keep sound wisdom and discretion,22 So they will be life to your soul/ And adornment to your neck.23 Then you will walk in your way securely/ And your foot will not stumble.24 When you lie down, you will not be afraid;/ When you lie down, your sleep will be sweet.25 Do not be afraid of sudden fear/ Nor of the onslaught of the wicked when it comes;26 For the LORD will be your confidence/ And will keep your foot from being caught.27 Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due,/When it is in your power to do it.28 Do not say to your neighbor, “Go, and come back,/ And tomorrow I will give it,”/ When you have it with you.29 Do not devise harm against your neighbor,/ While he lives securely beside you.30 Do not contend with a man without cause,/ If he has done you no harm.31 Do not envy a man of violence/ And do not choose any of his ways.32 For the devious are an abomination to the LORD;/ But He is intimate with the upright.33 The curse of the LORD is on the house of the wicked,/ But He blesses the dwelling of the righteous.34 Though He scoffs at the scoffers,/ Yet He gives grace to the afflicted.35 The wise will inherit honor,/ But fools display dishonor.

In addition to singing the chapter, I picture myself walking through the rooms of my house, looking at different pictures or pieces of furniture or books or carpets for each verse.

This technique is called a “memory palace,” and I explain it in detail in Episode 28, so I won’t rehash it here except to say that it helps me easily keep everything in order  and allows me to quickly identify the reference address for each individual verse.

The nice thing about committing large passages of the Bible to memory is that it makes it easy for you to meditate on God’s Word day and night, as the Psalmist says he does: “Oh, how I love your law! It is my meditation day and night.”

In the case of Proverbs 3, as I was thinking about verse 9, “Honor the LORD from your wealth, and from the first of all your produce,” I started contemplating the fact that time is the most valuable asset any of us have.

And then I started thinking about how can I honor God with the very first part of that treasure. I’ve long set aside time in the morning for Bible reading and prayer, but it isn’t the very first thing I do every day. I normally use the bathroom, and take a shower, and visit with my husband, and fix his breakfast and maybe even drink a big cup of tea before I sit down to have my quiet time.

But reviewing memory verses? That’s something I can start doing immediately, just as soon as I wake up. I can review them as I use the bathroom, brush my teeth, take a shower, make my breakfast. Again, that’s the beauty of committing God’s Word to memory. You don’t have to have the Bible spread open on your lap to ruminate on it and pray about it and find ways to apply it to every facet of your life.

So I hope you’ll give all that a try. Let me know if you do. I may share more scripture songs in the future if you find them helpful.

More Bible Memory Help

Want a month-by-month plan filled with resources to make hiding God’s Word in your heart a habit? Check out my new Grand Investment print packs.

I’ve packed both volumes full of pretty, pertinent printables: copywork and coloring pages, award certificates, and tracking charts, along with links to videos and songs I’ve used both in memorizing Bible passages myself and in encouraging my kids and grandkids to do the same.

The post EP 85: Memorize Proverbs 3 with Me appeared first on Loving Life at Home.

Verses to Read when Battling Big Emotions (Free Printable)

A reader sent me a message some time ago asking if I knew of anywhere she could download a list of verses to read when battling big emotions. She’d seen one before, but could no longer locate it.

I, too, had seen such a list years and years ago, back when I was a young girl in my teens, so I scoured the Internet as well, but was equally unsuccessful.

That’s when I decided to compile a similar list myself, and offer it to the world in a free printable format. I hope these verses will be a blessing and encouragement to you next time you find yourself battling big emotions of a strong and sundry sort. (Scroll to the bottom of the post to see and download complete list of verses to read when battling big emotions.)

Bible Verses to Read When You Feel…AFRAID:

How many times does Scripture tell us not to give into fear? “Don’t be afraid.” “Fear not.” “Do not fear.” “Don’t let your heart be troubled.” It’s almost as if God knew what a knee-jerk reaction fear would be for the majority of human kind. Yet, as Paul reminds us in Romans 8:31, “If God is for us, who can be against us?” The ultimate antidote to fear is complete trust in God and in His ability to protect you.

“When I am afraid, I will trust in Him.”  – Psalm 56:3“The LORD is on my side; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?” – Psalm 118:6“Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will also help you, I will also uphold you with My righteous right hand.” – Isaiah 41:10“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power & love & a sound mind.” – 2 Timothy 1:7ANGRY: 

There are so many verses about dealing with anger, I could’ve filled an entire page with just those references alone. The book of Proverbs is replete with cautions against giving in to anger (Proverbs 14:17) — or even hanging out with people who cannot or will not control their temper.

“‘Be angry, and do not sin’: do not let the sun go down on your wrath.” – Ephesians 4:26“Be angry, yet do not sin; on your bed, search your heart and be still.” – Psalm 4:4“He who is slow to anger is better than a warrior, and he who controls his temper is greater than one who captures a city.” – Proverbs 16:32“This you know, my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.” – James 1:19-20ANXIOUS: 

Anxiety has become something of an epidemic in our modern age, yet it is a problem people have struggled with for millennia. Here again, the cure is a confident faith that God will do as He has promised. He will feed and clothe us just as surely as He feeds the birds of the air and clothes the lilies of the field. (Matthew 6:25-29) Moreover, God will work all things together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28)

“Cast all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you.” – 1 Peter 5:7“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.” – Philippians 4:6“Therefore do not be anxious for tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” – Matthew 6:34BETRAYED: 

Are you feeling betrayed? Jesus can sympathize. He knows exactly what it feels like to be betrayed, having been sold by one of his closest followers for thirty pieces of silver. (Matthew 26:14-16)

“Even if my father and mother abandon me, the LORD will hold me close.” – Psalm 27:10“Give the following instructions to the people of Israel: If any of the people—men or women—betray the LORD by doing wrong to another person, they are guilty.” – Numbers 5:6“Think of all the hostility He endured from sinful people; then you won’t become weary and give up.” – Hebrews 12:3BITTER: 

Bitterness is a gall that will ruin any hope of happiness in life if you allow it to grow unchecked in your heart (Romans 3:14), so root out every trace of bitterness and abolish it. Instead of nursing old wounds, try counting all your blessings instead and thanking the LORD for all He is trying to accomplish in your life. (1 Thessalonians 5:18)

“Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior.” – Ephesians 4:31“See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.” – Hebrews 12:15“For I see that you are full of bitterness and captive to sin.” – Acts 8:23“Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up.” – Psalm 71:20BURDENED: 

If your heart is weighed down with heavy burdens, I urge you to drop that load of care at the foot of the cross and leave it there! (Psalm 55:22)

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” – Matthew 11:28“Bear one another’s burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ.” – Galatians 6:2“Jesus replied, ‘And you experts in the law, woe to you, because you load people down with burdens they can hardly carry, and you yourselves will not lift one finger to help them.'” – Luke 11:46CONFUSED:

Feeling confused? Don’t know which way to turn? Proverbs 3:5-6 gives wonderful advice to anyone dealing with confusion and uncertainty: Trust God to direct your path as you purpose to make Him known in all your ways. Satan is the author of confusion. God gives clarity to those who ask. (Proverbs 2:6).

“For God is not the author of confusion but of peace, as in all the churches of the saints.” – 1 Corinthians 14:33“In thee, O LORD, do I put my trust: let me never be put to confusion.” – Psalm 71:1“Instead of your shame you shall have double honor, And instead of confusion they shall rejoice in their portion. Therefore in their land they shall possess double; Everlasting joy shall be theirs.” – Isaiah 61:7DEPRESSED:

Depression is another mental health crisis that has lately reached epic proportions, yet God offers hope to those trapped in the pit of despair. (Psalm 113:7) Call upon His name, and put your trust in Him. (Romans 10:13) He is mightly to save. (Isaiah 63:1)

“The LORD is near to the brokenhearted And saves those who are crushed in spirit.” – Psalm 34:18“Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why the unease within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God.” – Psalm 42:11DISCONTENT: 

Discontentment is rooted in comparison, jealousy, and envy. Put an end to those bad habits, and you will have solved your problem with discontentment, as well. (James 3:14-16 and James 4:1-3 )

“But godliness with contentment is great gain.” – 1 Timothy 6:6“Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, for God has said: ‘Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you.'” – Hebrews 13:5“And having food and raiment let us be therewith content.” – 1 Timothy 6:8“I am not saying this out of need, for I have learned to be content regardless of my circumstances. I know how to live humbly, and I know how to abound. I am accustomed to any and every situation—to being filled and being hungry, to having plenty and having need.” – Philippians 4:11-12DISCOURAGED: 

It’s easy to become discouraged when things don’t go according to plan, but take heart. God is with you and will equip you with everything you need to do the good works He has prepared beforehand for you to do. (Ephesians 2:10)

“Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Be strong and courageous.” – Joshua 10:25“Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the LORD thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.” – Joshua 1:9“I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” – Philippians 4:13DISRESPECTED: 

Modern society has no respect for God, so it should come as no surprise when we do not receive respect either. (John 15:20)

“So do not be surprised, brothers, if the world hates you.” – 1 John 3:13“If the world hates you, understand that it hated Me first. If you were of the world, it would love you as its own. Instead, the world hates you, because you are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world.” – John 15:18-19“And while being reviled, He did not revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats, but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously,” – 1 Peter 2:23“Study to show yourself approved to God, a workman that needs not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.” – 2 Timothy 2:15DOUBTFUL: 

One of the best ways I’ve found to combat doubt is by enumerating all the times God has proven Himself faithful in the past. Keep a running list and go over it every time your faith needs a boost. (Psalm 103:2)

“…stop doubting and believe.” – John 20:27“We are often troubled, but not crushed; sometimes in doubt, but never in despair.” – 2 Corinthians 4:8“Jesus replied, “Truly I tell you, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and it will be done.” – Matthew 21:21“But let him ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea driven and tossed by the wind.” – James 1:6ENVIOUS:

Envy and jealousy go hand-in-hand, but both are bad news. Instead of spending your time focusing on what others have or are doing, attend to using wisely the gifts and resources God has entrusted to you. (see Matthew 25:14-30)

“A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.” – Proverbs 14:30“For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every evil practice.” – James 3:16“Rid yourselves, therefore, of all malice, deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander.” – 1 Peter 2:1“For resentment kills a fool, and envy slays the simple.” – Job 5:2HATEFUL:

Jesus said that others would know we are His followers by our love. (John 13:35) There is no room for hate in the life of a Christian. We are to love our neighbors as ourself (Mark 12:31), and we’re expected to love our enemies, as well. (Luke 6:35)

“If anyone says, “I love God,” but hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen.” – 1 John 4:20“Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers all transgressions.” – Proverbs 10:12“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor’ and ‘Hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you….” – Matthew 5:43-44“You must not harbor hatred against your brother in your heart. Directly rebuke your neighbor, so that you will not incur guilt on account of him. Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against any of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the LORD.” – Leviticus 19:17-18HOPELESS: 

Proverbs 13:12 tells us, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick.” That is so true. I’m not sure which is worse, dashed hopes or misplaced hopes. Ultimately, the only One we can safely pin our hopes upon is Jesus Christ. The same yesterday, today, and forever, Christ will never let us down. (Hebrews 13:8)

“My soul, wait in silence for God only, for my hope is from Him.” – Psalm 62:5“Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful” – Hebrews 10:23“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” – Romans 15:13“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11IMPATIENT: 

I you pray for more patience, you should expect to have your patience tested. According to James, increased patience and endurance is one of the benefits of undergoing trials — and a good reason to rejoice when we encounter hardships of any kind. (James 1:2-3)

“And we urge you, brothers, to admonish the unruly, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, and be patient with everyone.” – 1 Thessalonians 5:14“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.” – Colossians 3:12“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.” – 1 Corinthians 13:4“Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us….” – Hebrews 12:1INFERIOR:

Whenever Satan tries to make you feel unworthy or “less than,” console yourself with the knowledge that “He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it.” (Philippians 1:6) For it is none other than “God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure.” (Philippians 2:13)

“But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong.” – 1 Corinthians 1:27“Listen, my beloved brothers: Has not God chosen the poor of this world to be rich in faith and to inherit the kingdom He promised those who love Him?” – James 2:5“Don’t let anyone think less of you because you are young. Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity.” – 1 Timothy 4:12LAZY:

The book of Proverbs has a lot to say about slothfulness. And in Matthew 25:26-30, Jesus condemns laziness, as well.

“Laziness brings on deep sleep, and an idle soul will suffer hunger.” – Proverbs 19:15“The slacker craves yet has nothing, but the soul of the diligent is fully satisfied.” – Proverbs 13:4“A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest, and your poverty will come in like a vagabond, and your need like an armed man.” – Proverbs 6:11“If anyone is not willing to work, neither should he eat.” – 2 Thessalonians 3:10LONELY:

You may feel lonely, but as long as you are in Christ, you are never alone. Isn’t it a comfort to know He is with us through good times and bad?

“The LORD Himself goes before you; He will be with you. He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid or discouraged.” – Deuteronomy 31:8“Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you. And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” – Matthew 28:20“God sets the lonely in families, he leads out the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land.” – Psalm 68:6“The LORD God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.'” – Genesis 2:18MISTREATED:

Christ was mistreated, as were countless saints throughout the ages. Yet He bids us to not repay evil with evil, but rather to turn the other cheek, and to do good to those who hate us, and to pray for those who persecute us. (Luke 6:27-28)

“Indeed, all who desire to live godly in Christ Jesus will be persecuted.” – 2 Timothy 3:12“Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you, and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of Me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven; for in the same way they persecuted the prophets before you.” – Matthew 5:11-12“If you are insulted because of the name of Christ, you are blessed, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests on you.” – 1 Peter 4:14MISUNDERSTOOD:

The God who created you knows and understands you better than you do yourself. (Jeremiah 17:9-10)

“The person without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God but considers them foolishness, and cannot understand them because they are discerned only through the Spirit.” – 1 Corinthians 2:14“Evil men do not understand justice, but those who seek the LORD comprehend fully.” – Proverbs 28:5“For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.” – 1 Corinthians 1:18NEEDY: 

Did you know there is no need that you could ever have that is too great for God to supply? He owns the cattle on a thousand hills, and He has all the resources He needs to take care of you. (Psalm 50:10)

“And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 4:19“And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things, at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.” – 2 Corinthians 9:8“His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through the knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and excellence.” – 2 Peter 1:3“The lions may grow weak and hungry, but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing.” – Proverbs 34:10PROUD:

Proverbs 8:13 tells us that the LORD hates pride and arrogance. And Proverbs 6:16 adds “haughty eyes” to the list, as well. So guard your heart against such off-putting traits and cultivate a spirit of humility.

“Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.” – Proverbs 16:18“But He gives us more grace. This is why it says: ‘God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.’” – James 4:6“For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and the one who humbles himself will be exalted.” – Luke 14:11“When pride comes, disgrace follows, but with humility comes wisdom.” – Proverbs 11:2RESENTFUL:

Resentment is the opposite of gratitude. It is selfish and entitled and should never be given a place in our hearts.

“Resentment kills a fool, and envy slays the simple.” – Job 5:2Do all things without complaining and disputing.” – Philippians 2:14“Bear with one another and forgive any complaint you may have against someone else. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” – Colossians 3:13“Do not avenge yourselves, beloved, but leave room for God’s wrath. For it is written: ‘Vengeance is Mine; I will repay, says the Lord.’” – Romans 12:19 SICK: 

God is the great physician and the first one we should appeal to when we are ill, even if we head to the doctor or the emergency room even as we are praying. (Mark 2:17)

“Heal me, O LORD, and I will be healed; save me, and I will be saved, for You are my praise.” – Jeremiah 17:14“Is anyone among you sick? Then he must call for the elders of the church and they are to pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord; and the prayer offered in faith will restore the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up, and if he has committed sins, they will be forgiven him. Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed.” – James 5:14-16“O LORD my God, I cried unto thee, and thou hast healed me.” – Psalm 30:2“He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases.” – Psalm 103:3SINFUL:

Our sin separates us from God, but He has provided a way for us to be reconciled to Him through the death, burial, and resurrection of His beloved Son, the Lord Jesus Christ. (Ephesians 1:7-8)

“Repent, then, and turn back, so that your sins may be wiped away.” – Acts 3:19“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” – 1 John 1:9“He who conceals his sins will not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them will find mercy.” – Proverbs 28:13“What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin, that grace may abound? God forbid. How shall we, that are dead to sin, live any longer therein?” – Romans 6:1-2“There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.” – Romans 8:1STUPID:

Satan may try to make you feel foolish, but remember that God chose the foolish of this world to confound the wise. (1 Corinthians 1:27) Look to Him for wisdom, and He will freely bestow it upon you. (James 1:5)

“Now if any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.” – James 1:5“Your commandments make me wiser than my enemies, for they are always with me. I have more insight than all my teachers, for Your testimonies are my meditation.” – Psalm 119:98-99“But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have told you.” – John 14:26TEMPTED: 

Satan has not varied his tactics in more than 6000 years of trying to trip humans up. The temptations he sends our way almost always fall into one or more of three broad categories: “the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the boastful pride of life.” (1 John 2:6)

“And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.” – Matthew 6:13“No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide an escape, so that you can stand up under it.” – 1 Corinthians 10:13“Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God”; for God cannot be tempted by evil, and He Himself does not tempt anyone.” – James 1:13UGLY:

When Satan tries to convince you that you’re ugly, counter that lie with this truth: God does not make mistakes. You are fearfully and wonderfully made, for it is the LORD Himself who knitted you together in your mother’s womb. (Psalm 139:13-14)

“Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.” – Proverbs 31:30“Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair or gold jewelry or fine clothes, but from the inner disposition of your heart, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in God’s sight.” – 1 Peter 3:3-4“He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.” – Ecclesiastes 3:11UNAPPRECIATED: 

Even if there is not another soul on earth who notices or appreciates all you do, you can be certain that God sees. He knows. Nothing is hidden from Him or escapes His notice. (Hebrews 4:13) So do your work cheerfully, not for the accolades of man, but for His glory, and the Father who sees in secret will reward you. (Matthew 6:18)

“Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance. It is the Lord Christ whom you serve.” – Colossians 3:23-24“I have fought the good fight, I have finished the course, I have kept the faith; in the future there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day; and not only to me, but also to all who have loved His appearing.” –
2 Timothy 4:7-8“His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’” – Matthew 25:21“Look, I am coming soon! My reward is with me, and I will give to each person according to what they have done.” – Revelation 22:12UNLOVED:

One of the very first verses children learn is John 3:16, “For God so loved the world…” So if ever Satan tries to convince you nobody loves you, please throw that false accusation right back in his face. It’s a lie. God loves you more than you can imagine, so much so that He sent His Son to pay this price for your sin so that you can spend eternity with Him. (1 John 4:9)

“The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: ‘I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.'” – Jeremiah 31:3“But from everlasting to everlasting the loving devotion of the LORD extends to those who fear Him, and His righteousness to their children’s children….” – Psalm 103:17“But God proves His love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” – Romans 5:8“Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or distress or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? …No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor principalities, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” – Romans 8:35, 37-39WEARY: 

Have you ever felt so bone tired, you don’t know where you’ll ever find the strength to carry on? The Bible has the answer for that quandary, too, as we read in verses like these:

“I will refresh the weary and satisfy the faint.” – Jeremiah 31:25“Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. / Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. / For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” – Matthew 11:28-30“He gives strength to the weary, and to him who lacks might He increases power. Though youths grow weary and tired, and vigorous young men stumble badly, yet those who wait for the LORD will gain new strength; they will mount up with wings like eagles, they will run and not get tired, they will walk and not become weary.” – Isaiah 40:29-31“”Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” – Galatians 6:9 click to print this List of Bible VersesDone-for-You Bible Memory Program

One of the best ways of battling big emotions — and of rooting them out before they ever become a problem — is by committing God’s Word to memory. As the Psalmist wrote, “Thy Word have I hidden in my heart, that I might not sin against You.” (Psalm 119:11)

Not only does knowing God’s Word protect us from falling into sin, but it also guards us against Satan’s lies, both about ourselves and about God. I highly recommend learning as much Scripture by heart as you can — especially verses that deal directly with areas and attitudes in which you’ve been particularly vulnerable in the past!

The post Verses to Read when Battling Big Emotions (Free Printable) appeared first on Loving Life at Home.

EP 84: How Not to Diet (but Still Lose Weight)

Several months ago, a reader named Donna sent me the following request: “I’d love to hear your summary or take away of how not to diet but lose weight.”

So on this week’s episode, I’m discussing Dr. Michael Greger’s book, How Not to Diet, and the amazing effects implementing his suggestions have had on my health, weight, and energy levels.

Show NotesVERSES CITED:Psalm 139:16 – “Thine eyes have seen my unformed substance; and in Thy book they were all written, the days that were ordained for me, when as yet there was not one of them.”RELATED LINKS:How Not to Diet – “The Groundbreaking Science of Healthy, Permanent Weight Loss”How Not to Die – “Foods Scientifically Proven to Prevent & Reverse Disease”How Not to Age – “The Scientific Approach to Getting Healthier as You Get Older”nutritionfacts.org – Michael Greger’s informative website (excellent!)Daily Dozen App – use to track progress on your smart phone (on 12 foods & 21 tweaks)Daily Dozen free printable chart – I post this one on my fridge as a daily reminderEpisode 52: Helping Your Husband Make Better Food Choices Episode 70: Unwrapping Cancer for ChristmasGarlicky Lentil Soup Recipe – a Flanders’ family favoriteWinkie’s Tonic – a natural antibiotic with an apple cider vinegar baseSautéed Mushrooms & Spicy Greens – my daily indulgence/ 2nd breakfastBigelow Matcha Green with Turmeric – my favorite green tea (I drink 3 cups daily)M is for Mama – my friend Abbie’s website (w/links to her books & podcast) STAY CONNECTED:Subscribe: Flanders Family Freebies – (weekly themed link lists of free resources)Instagram: follow @flanders_family for more great contentShop my books: Flanders Family StoreFamily Blog: Flanders Family Home Life (parenting tips, homeschool help, printables) Marriage Blog: Loving Life at Home  (encouragement for wives, mothers, believers) How to Lose Weight w/o Dietingfull transcript of Episode 84

Hello, Friend. Welcome to Episode 84 of Loving Life at Home.

Today, I’m finally responding to a question I got several months back from a reader named Donna. She wrote, “I’d love to hear your summary or take away of how not to diet but lose weight.”

I’m pretty sure she wrote this in a response to a book I reviewed in my weekly newsletter. That book was entitled How Not to Diet and was written by Dr. Michael Greger.

My husband and I have read several of Dr. Greger’s books. (I’ll link all three in today’s show notes in case you’re interested in reading them for yourself). Greger is an MD who has specialized in nutrition and is meticulous about backing up every claim with lots and lots of verifiable statistics and rigorous clinical studies and double-blind, placebo-based trials. His research is over-the-top impressive and makes for especially compelling reading.

But it also means his books are incredibly dense. Each of them weigh in at around 600-640 or so pages, and they’re cram packed with practical, life-transformative information.

Much of the same information is available in bite-size pieces on his website, nutritionfacts.org, which I’ll also link in the show notes in case you prefer watching 5-minute videos to consuming 600-page tomes.

Books by Michael Greger, MD

The first Gregor book we read was How Not to Die, in which the author examines the 15 leading causes of death in the US and shows how all 15 can be prevented, and in many cases the damage already done can be reversed, by eating a whole foods, plant-based diet.

My husband also read – some of it aloud to me, or else he summarized – Gregor’s book How Not to Age, in which the author goes through every body system — cardiovascular, digestive , neurological, skin, skeletal, etc. — and shows how that same plant-based diet can prevent, reduce, or delay many of the negative effects we normally associate with aging.

And then, even more recently, I read Dr. Gregor’s How Not to Diet. I think his initial plan with this book was to examine all the different diets that have gained popularity these days (Atkins, paleo, low-carb, low-fat, the caveman diet, etc.) and determine which (if any) actually work, but the project grew and expanded to include so much more than that.

Because, the fact is, despite all the fad diets that have been unleashed in our society, the obesity epidemic continues to cause all sorts of related diseases and other health problems.

And I can see that from my own life. Anytime I would get serious about exercise or begin meticulously counting every calorie, I could drop 20-30 lbs over the course of 6 months, but as soon as I stopped moving my body or tracking my food intake, my weight would slowly start to creep back up until I weighed as much or more than I did to start with.

You may not realize it, but last Sunday, May 11, was not only Mother’s Day, but it was also National Eat What You Want Day. There’s something to be said about being able to eat your favorite foods without having to worry about how they’ll affect your health or weight, isn’t there? That’s probably why some people claim that calories eaten on vacation don’t count?

Unfortunately, that normally isn’t true. Vacation calories definitely DO count, and if you’re not careful, you may come home weighing more than you did when you left. Has that ever happened to you? That used to happen quite regularly to me – although not lately.

Cruises have historically been the worst place for packing on extra pounds while vacationing – with all those delicious buffets and fancy dining rooms and every kind of cuisine you can imagine available from sunup to sundown and beyond – and all of it already included in the price of your fare.

Nevertheless, I went on a cruise last February, ate three or four times a day, including five-course dinners with dessert and some of the most delicious culinary creations I’ve ever tasted, I felt completely satisfied the entire week I was on the ship, and came home six pounds lighter than when I left.

A similar thing happened last month when we spent a week in Washington, DC. Instead of gaining weight on vacation, I lost, without ever feeling deprived, thanks partially to all the walking we did while we were there. I think we averaged about 5 miles a day, give or take 2.

But that’s enough about that for now. I’ll circle back later to explain how those results were possible. For now, let’s get back to today’s question: What is my summary or take away of how not to diet but still lose weight?

Well, in his book, How Not to Diet, Dr Gregor provides 21 clinically-proven tweaks that can help you shed excess pounds by adding a few key ingredients into your diet and by being more careful about the timing of your meals and the order in which you eat your food.

Dr. Gregor has a free phone app that will help you track your progress on implementing both these “21 Tweaks,” as well as the “Daily Dozen” foods he recommends in his first book that readers should consume every day for optimal health. I’ll see if I can link that app in today’s show notes for you. But I also made a handy paper chart of these recommendations for my own personal use, and I’ll link a copy of that in the show notes as well.

So… the foods on Gregor’s Daily Dozen list include:

Dr. Greger’s Daily DozenBEANS – 3 servings a dayBERRIES (like strawberries, blackberries, raspberries, or blueberries) – 1 serving a day (as I already mentioned in Episode 52, on helping your husband make better food choices – I’ll include a link for that in the show notes as well – that just one small handful of blueberries a day reduces your risk of Alzheimer’s by 76%. There is something in the blue pigment that crosses the blood-brain barrier and improves brain health. But you need to eat them separate from any dairy – don’t mix them into your yogurt, or the milk proteins will bind to that blue pigment and prevent it’s ever getting to your brain)OTHER FRUITS – next on Greger’s Daily Dozen list is other fruits (like apples, oranges, grapes, bananas, melon, kiwi, that list goes on and on) of which you need 3 servings a dayGREENS – also greens (and here, I think he means dark leafy greens like spinach or kale or collard greens) – 2 servings a dayCRUCIFEROUS VEGETABLES – next is cruciferous veggies (like broccoli, cauliflower, cabbage, or kale) – 1 serving a dayOTHER VEGGIES – then other vegetables – 2 servings a dayFLAXSEED is also on the list – 1 serving a dayNUTS/SEEDS – as are nuts and seeds (preferably unsalted) – 1 serving a dayHERBS – also herbs & spices (especially turmeric, which is strongly anti-inflammatory) — 1 serving a dayWHOLE GRAINS – you should also get 3 daily servings of whole grainsWATER – and 60 oz. of water a day (including the water used to make black, green, or herbal tea – that would also count toward this amount) – you need a full 60 oz. dailyEXERCISE – finally, you need to exercise, at least once a day (Greger specifies 90 minutes of moderate or 40 minutes of vigorous exercise daily. I’ve been fulfilling this goal by power walking for about half an hour every day, coupled with rebounding for about 10 minutes. I’m not sure that qualifies as vigorous exercise, but it is something I’ve been able to keep at consistently, so I’m going to just keep doing it and call it good)

As you can see, everything on this list, with the exception of the exercise, is plant-based. Greger strongly recommends a vegan diet, and the research he presents in his books offers a compelling argument for — and details myriad benefits associated with — adopting such a diet.

Of course, you could just add the daily dozen in on top of what you normally eat, but it represents a whole lot of food, and if you really squeeze all the recommended servings of all twelve of those foods into your daily diet, you probably won’t have the stomach room for much else.

But what if you aren’t quite ready to go full-on vegan? Are there any steps can you take to lose weight without having to give up meat and cheese?

Well, that’s where Dr. Greger’s 21 Tweaks come in. Again, you can track these on his free app, or download the expanded chart I made for myself that have both the daily dozen and the 21 tweaks together.

Dr. Greger’s 21 Tweaks for Healthy, Permanent Weight Loss

The 21 Tweaks list contains things like:

Adding specific herbs, spices, vinegars, and teas to your diet:Nutritional Yeast – 2 tsp per day (high in beta glucans which help facilitate weight loss – it has a cheesy flavor that I’ve really learned to like)Cayenne Pepper – ½ tsp per day helps burn fatCumin – ½ tsp daily with lunch and dinner has been shown to help lose weightBlack Cumin – ¼ tsp per day decreases BMIGround Ginger – ¼ tsp per day helped reduce body weightGarlic Powder – ¼ tsp per day helps reduce body fatVinegar – 2 tsp at every meal has been shown to help with weight loss (this can be any kind of vinegar, but I usually use apple cider vinegar. You can use it to dress a salad or flavor lentils – although I usually use red wine vinegar for that job. I’ll link my recipe in the show notes. And I usually take a shot of Winkie’s tonic, which is a natural anti-biotic with an apple cider vinegar base, at least once or twice a day. I’ll link that recipe too)Green Tea – drink 3 cups a day (it’s best if you wait at least an hour after a meal so as not to interfere with iron absorption. My husband makes me a huge stein of hot green tea first thing every morning, while I make his breakfast. I usually guzzle all three cups at once about an hour after breakfast, which gives it a little time to cool down first, then I drink 40+ oz of filtered water with lemon throughout the rest of the day and with my meals)Some of Dr. Greger’s tweaks involve careful timing of meals and exercise:His first weight-loss tip is to preload before every meal with 2 cups of cold water. Cold water helps boost your metabolism and makes you feel more full before ever sitting down to eat.Greger also recommends preloading with “negative calorie” foods, like an apple or a light soup or salad. I have an apple with my breakfast every morning, and I always try to eat that first. Studies have also shown that adding ½ a red delicious apple to your daily diet can extend your life by an average of 4 years. Of course, I say that knowing that the days of my life were ordered and written down by God, and in His book they were numbered, before I was ever born, as we read in Psalm 139, but apples are obviously a good choice for health, longevity, and weight management, so I’m going to keep eating them every day anyway.Not only should you preload with negative calorie foods, but you should also front load your calories, according to Gregor, which means you need to eat the bulk of them early in the day. Interestingly, studies have shown that a large meal eaten at breakfast will not cause you to gain as much weight as it will if you eat the same exact meal for dinner. So eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince, and dinner like a pauper, and you’ll be in good stead. Which brings me to Greger’s next tweak for weight-loss, which is to restrict your eating to a 12-hour window (or less) and… Don’t eat anything after 7 PM in the evening. I think the 7 PM was chosen to allow a good 3 hours to digest before you turn in for the night. But since my husband and I often go to bed by 8 PM, I try to get all my day’s eating done by 4 or 5:00. That has worked well for me, especially since I usually eat first breakfast around 6 AM, and what I affectionately call second breakfast around 8 or 9. (The first breakfast consists of 1 apple, ½ cup of berries, ¼ cup mixed nuts, and two pieces of avocado toast made from Ezekiel bread and sprinkled with cayenne pepper, black pepper, turmeric, and ginger. That’s the same breakfast I make for my husband, minus the toast on days he is working, and only one piece of toast for him when he’s home). Second breakfast consists of sliced white button mushrooms sauteed in olive oil with fresh onions, garlic, red pepper flakes and either spinach, kale, or collard greens. It’s so yummy! I really crave it when we are traveling and I have to do without.Another of Gregor’s weight-loss tips is to stay hydrated, which equates to nine cups of unsweetened beverages a day for women and 13 cups for men – but this tip will be automatically taken care of if you drink your 3 cups of green tea and preload with 2 cups of cold water before every meal.The rest of Gregor’s tweaks include enjoying undistracted meals (don’t eat mindlessly, “while you’re watching TV or playing on your phone” but really slow down and savor the food. In fact, studies have shown that increasing the time food is in your mouth can result in lower caloric intake, so you should “choose bulkier, harder, chewier foods and take smaller bites,” extending mealtime to at least 20 minutes and chewing every bite well.For best results, time your exercise for optimal results, by waiting 6 hours after your last meal (which would argue for exercising in the early morning before breakfast for most of us) – unless you have diabetes, in which case it is better for your blood sugar if you exercise immediately after your meal. My husband does have diabetes, so I usually just exercise with him right after lunch or dinner, or after breakfast on weekends or days off.Dr. Greger’s remaining tweaks are a little random:

That’s 16 tweaks, if you’re counting. The last five are miscellaneous tips that don’t neatly fit into either of the previous two categories. These include:

De-flour your diet. When you’re trying to lose weight, you should lay off refined flour in favor of intact, whole grains. My go-to sources of whole grains are Ezekiel bread, sprouted corn tortillas, and airpopped popcorn.Weigh yourself twice a day – first thing in the morning and again right before you go to bed. Dr. Greger says, “Regular self-weighing is considered crucial for long-term weight control.”Set specific goals (something Dr. Greger calls “Implemenatation Intentions”) and be consistent about them every day until it becomes a habit, then pick a new one and start working on that.Get sufficient sleep – at least 7-8 hours per night. Less than that can really pack on the pounds.And the last tweak is the only one I haven’t applied (at least not yet) which is to sleep in a mild Trendelenburg position, which means sleeping with your body tilted head-down about six degrees. You can accomplish this by raising the posts at the foot of your bed by about 8 inches. This causes more blood to be pulled into the heart which encourages it to release a fat-burning hormone. Please note that doing this is NOT recommended for anybody with heart or lung problems, issues with your brain or eyes, or acid reflux – something my husband sometimes struggles with, which is one reason I’ve not pursued this particular tweak. The other is that I don’t think having the foot of our massive wooden bed raised eight inches would be very good for the frame, nor would it look as aesthetically pleasing as having the mattress level.

Of course, applying these tweaks will only get you so far. Don’t expect your excess pounds to fall off overnight. But if you’re consistent about doing all these things, you will likely see the weight slowly start to come off.

My Own Experience Putting These Ideas to the Test

I finished reading How Not to Diet in November, but it took me a couple of months to wade through it, so by the time I finished the final chapter, I’d already begun implementing many of the tweaks suggested in the book — I started as soon as I learned about them. And, what’s more, I was already seeing some benefit, to the tune of about a pound of weight loss every week to ten days.

But then, after my breast cancer diagnosis in mid-December, I got really motivated to revamp my diet. I talk about my reaction to the big C at length in Episode 70: Unwrapping Cancer for Christmas, which I’ll link in the show notes.

But basically, after some serious fasting and lots and lots of prayer, I cut out all refined sugar, refined flower, seed oils, ultra-processed foods, and all meat and dairy – although I did have a little chicken while I was healing after my lumpectomy, because my husband thought I probably needed some extra protein during my convalescence in order to recover faster.

So, guess what? For nearly six months now, I’ve eaten a strictly plant-based diet. And most days, my diet includes all 12 of Dr. Greger’s daily dozen and 20 of the 21 tweaks – everything except sleeping on a slanted mattress.Ha!

That means I’m eating a ton of delicious, vitamin-packed, fiber-rich, nutrient-dense food every single day – and loving it.

I’m eating a ton of delicious, vitamin-packed, fiber-rich, nutrient-dense food every single day – and loving it.

I get to eat as much as I want. I feel completely satisfied. My sugar-addition is gone. My junk-food cravings are gone. The indigestion is gone. The roller-coaster blood sugars are gone. The fatigue is gone.

I have all sorts of energy. I feel fantastic. And I’ve lost 60 pounds – which means I’m now back to the same weight I was when I met my husband – all without counting a single calorie.

As you may already know, I send out a weekly newsletter called Flanders Family Freebies, filled with all sorts of fun, free resources. (If you don’t already subscribe but would like to, I’ll include a link in the show notes, along with a link to the issue I’m fixin’ to tell you about, if I can figure out a way to do that:

Anyway, one of the most popular newsletter issues I ever sent, at least in terms of open rates and click-through percentages, was one I entitled “How to Eat What You Want & Stay Healthy.” So I know that topic resonates among my readers. Probably because most of them are women, and for a lot of us, the older we get, the lower our metabolism seems to sink.

The Double-Sided Blessing of an Efficient Metabolism

I have a very dear friend, Abbie Halberstadt. You may already know her, as she has written two, soon to be three, bestselling books and hosts a popular podcast called M is for Mama (I’ll put links to all of that in the today’s show notes). Anyway, this friend who also has a lot of children – ten, including two sets of twins, all born on the same day, 10 years apart – and she has always stayed far more physically active than I’ve ever even dreamed of being.

Well, when Abbie turned 40, her sweet mother (who is also a personal friend of mine) told her very matter-of-factly that forty is the age when it becomes nearly impossible to lose weight, and that she shouldn’t be surprised if the baby weight from her last set of twins didn’t come off as easily as it did when she was younger.

And I remember Abbie feeling mildly offended over that conversation. Of course, I sincerely hoped for my friend that such a projection wouldn’t be true for her. After all, she is incredibly diligent she’d been in the past to teach fitness classes all through her pregnancies and jump right back in ASAP after delivery.

But I am also as near to Abbie’s mother’s age as I am to hers. So, on the one hand, I was still close enough to my own 40s at the time as to want to encourage my friend that, yes! With enough resolve, she could defy the odds. But I was also close enough to my 70s to know that will-power can only go so far and that what her mother said is actually true (and one Abbie herself has now conceded as well): It is much, much harder to lose the weight once you get older!

That truth, coupled with the fact that, until these past six months, I seldom ever exercised consistently, is how, at my heaviest, I wound up weighing 90 pounds more than I did when I got pregnant with my first child.

In my earliest years of mothering, breastfeeding alone was enough to melt the baby fat right off me. By the time my first was about three months old, I had already bounced back to my pre-pregnancy weight without any extra effort to do so on my part.

Such is the metabolism of youth. When my husband and I were in our late teens/early twenties, we could go work out at President’s Health Spa – which was a membership gym, sort of like Crunch or Planet Fitness – and then, after a 30- to 45-minute workout, we’d drive straight across the street to Dunkin Donuts and split an assorted dozen (six for him, six for me) – and we still lost weight in the process.

For Lasting Weight Loss, You Need Lasting Lifestyle Change

But fast forward a few years, and it became harder and harder to shed the pounds I put on during pregnancy, until I finally had to accept the fact that, now, permanent weight loss is only achievable with permanent lifestyle change.

So, is there a way to eat what you want and still maintain a healthy weight? Yes, technically, there is. That’s how I was finally able to shed the baby weight.

And it’s how I was able to go on that cruise and come home lighter than when I left, even with eating as much food as I could hold three or four times a day the whole week we were on the ship.

The first secret lies in staying active, which for me currently means walking a mile or more a day plus rebounding on my mini-trampoline multiple times daily.

Of course, it’s possible to out-eat any exercise program, which in why you also need the second secret to staying healthy while eating what you want: And that often entails changing what you want.

Here the cards are really stacked against us, because Big Food has spent decades and invested millions into figuring out how to make junk food just as addictive as they possibly can. And they’ve found the precise combination of sugar, salt, and fat to make it nearly impossible to stop with just one, whether we’re talking about potato chips or jelly donuts or pieces of candy or French fries or sips of soda.

And have you ever noticed that no matter how much you gorge on ultra-processed foods like that, you never feel satisfied? That’s because you’re just consuming empty calories. But once you manage to break the addiction, whether you give it up cold turkey or you gradually wean off by adding more and more whole foods to your diet, you’ll discover an amazing variety of fresh fruits and vegetables that are absolutely cram packed with vitamins and minerals and fiber but so low in calories that it’s virtually impossible to over-indulge.

Your stomach simply can’t hold enough raw carrots and kale and cabbage to get too many calories eating that kind of stuff. Then, add in whole grains and legumes and a little extra virgin olive oil, and you have a full, delicious diet that nurtures good health, boosts immunity, reduces inflammation, and supports your gut microbiome, instead of hijacking your tastebuds to drive profits for the processed food industry.

So give that a try. Put the whole-food, plant-based way of eating to the test and see if you don’t feel better, more energetic, and have an easier time controlling your weight – without ever having to count a single calorie.

The post EP 84: How Not to Diet (but Still Lose Weight) appeared first on Loving Life at Home.

EP 83: In Honor of Mothers Everywhere

Mother’s Day is right around the corner, so honoring mom is what I’d like to discuss on the podcast this week. Even if giving birth to you is all your mother ever did, she would still be worthy of your gratitude and respect. But for most of our moms, the end of labor and delivery was when the real work began. 

Show Notes:VERSES CITED:Ephesians 6:2-3 – “Honor your father and your mother –which is the first commandment with a promise–that it may go well with you and that you may have a long life on the earth.”Proverbs 31:28-29 – “Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also praises her saying, ‘Many daughters have done nobly, But you excel them all.’”Leviticus 19:3 – “Each of you must respect his mother and father, and you must keep My Sabbaths. I am the LORD your God.”Proverbs 23:22 – “Listen to your father who gave you life, and do not despise your mother when she is old.”Matthew 15:4 – “For God said, ‘Honor your father and mother’ and ‘Anyone who curses his father or mother must be put to death.’”1 Corinthians 12:17- 18 – “If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? [Or] If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But in fact, God has arranged the members of the body, every one of them, according to His design.”RELATED LINKS:EP 2: Dealing with Difficult In-Laws – the wonderful relationship we enjoy today makes me glad I didn’t give upBBC Documentary with Miriam Margolyes – scroll halfway down this post to view our 12-minute segmentA Christian Home – the hymn I sang at the end of this episodeSTAY CONNECTED:Subscribe: Flanders Family Freebies – (weekly themed link lists of free resources)Instagram: follow @flanders_family for more great contentShop my books: Flanders Family StoreFamily Blog: Flanders Family Home Life (parenting tips, homeschool help, free printables) Marriage Blog: Loving Life at Home  (encouragement in your roles as wife, mother, believer)Honoring Mothers EverywhereComplete Transcript from Episode 83

Hello, friend.

Welcome to Episode 83 of Loving Life at Home. Today is May 5, 2025, which means Mother’s Day is right around the corner, so that’s what I’d like to discuss on the podcast this week: Honoring mom.

I know in recent years, it has become popular to downplay Mother’s Day so as not to alienate or trigger or callously hurt the feelings of women who, for whatever reason, have not been able to have children.

Some struggle with infertility. Some are single with no viable prospects of getting married anytime soon. Some may have lost the children they carried to miscarriage, stillbirth, or childhood disease.

And, while I understand there are many, many women who would love to be mothers but aren’t, and I sympathize with their plight, the fact is this holiday isn’t about them.

Nor is it about flaunting the fact that some of us have children while others don’t.Rather, it’s about celebrating the fact that every single one of us has or had a mother. A mother who conceived us, carried us in her womb for nine months (give or take a few days or weeks), and delivered us into this world, often through great pain and turmoil.

Just like every other person living on this planet today, the reason I’ve had any kind of life at all is because my mother did that for me, the same way your mother did it for you.

Those are the women we honor on Mother’s Day.

And, even if giving birth to you is all your mother ever did, she would still be worthy of your gratitude and respect. But for most of our moms, the end of labor and delivery was when the real work began.

Something We All Should Do

I know cynics will tell you that Mother’s Day was invented by greeting card companies to generate more sales, but there’s a biblical precedent for it, as well. After all, “Honor you father and mother” is the fifth of ten commandments that God handed down through Moses, but as Paul tells us in Ephesians 6:2-3, it’s “the first commandment [that came] with a promise… that it may go well with you and that you may have a long life on the earth.”

If your mother has already passed away, you can honor her memory and thank God for the years you had together. But if you are fortunate enough to still have a mom who’s alive and well, I hope you’ll take this opportunity to call or visit her and let her know how much you love and appreciate her. And not just on Mother’s Day, but all year long.

We see a beautiful example of this loving tribute in action in the description of the virtuous woman in Proverbs 31:28-29: “Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also praises her saying, ‘Many daughters have done nobly, But you excel them all.’”

You may be thinking, “Well, of course, that woman’s children rise up and call her blessed. She’s the epitome of virtue. It would be easy to honor and respect a mother like the Proverbs 31 woman. But my mom? That’s a different story!”

Or… maybe you never knew your mom – perhaps she died in childbirth or gave you up for adoption (like my husband’s birth mother did) or maybe she battled drug or alcohol addiction (like our current vice-president’s mother) and was abusive or negligent or entirely absent for long stretches of your childhood.

A Fresh Start

Even if didn’t have a good relationship with your mom growing up, if you’re a mother yourself, you have the opportunity to turn over a new leaf and a better mom to your own children. To break the cycle of rage or neglect or abuse and, by God’s grace, to be present and involved and the kind of patient, loving, nurturing mother you always craved.

And, if you don’t have children? You can still use your nurturing instincts to build up and encourage and invest in the people around you. My children’s piano teacher does that. She never had any children of her own, but for years she has poured into the lives of her students and taught and trained and encouraged them, a fact that I love and for which I am so very grateful!

My unmarried daughters, too, have found ways to nurture those around them. One of them has spent the past year working as a nanny to five young children in Germany. Another is a nurse in laboring and delivery where she takes excellent care of her patients, both mothers and babies, and offers heartfelt encouragement to them. And my oldest daughter has truly been like a second mother to several of her nieces and nephews. They all adore her and love for her to come visit them as often as she possibly can.

But let’s back up to the idea that some mothers don’t measure up to our expectations. Interestingly, the fifth commandment doesn’t provide any caveats. It doesn’t say “Honor your parents unless they’re unreasonable or overbearing or cold or distant or fault-finding or impossible to please or just generally crappy people.”

Of course, we can be certain that God is keenly aware of our parent’s shortcomings. He knows they are flawed even better than we do.

Yet He still commands us to honor them, which is something different than endorsing their wrong behavior, incidentally. You can treat your parents respectfully and maintain—as far as it depends on you– an open line of communication without applauding everything they do.

We read in Leviticus 19:3: “Each of you must respect his mother and father, and you must keep My Sabbaths. I am the LORD your God.”

And Proverbs 23:22 tells us, “Listen to your father who gave you life, and do not despise your mother when she is old.”

Moreover, Matthew 15:4 warns, “For God said, ‘Honor your father and mother’ and ‘Anyone who curses his father or mother must be put to death.’”

That’s how serious the charge to honor your parents was in the Old Testament. Jesus points to this passage in his discussion with the pharisees and scribes, because those two groups of people were masters at finding ways to ignore God’s clear commands – especially this one — and explain why it didn’t apply in their particular situation.

Trust and Obey

Don’t be guilty of the same sin of the pharisees. It has become all too common in our day and age for children to cut their parents completely out of their lives, often for very trivial reasons: Maybe they disapprove of the parents’ political leanings or don’t like how they vote. I know of whole families who’ve been split apart by the fact that certain family members voted for Trump and the others are angry about it.

Or maybe the kids don’t approve of parents’ dietary decisions or the fact they cook with unfiltered water or Teflon pans or seed oil, or they’re afraid they’ll give the grandkids refined sugar. I have some very health-conscious daughters-in-law, and although I do my best to follow their good examples when doling out snacks to the grandkids, I can assure you they’ve sometimes eaten treats at my house that they don’t normally get at home, but I’m happy to report that both my sons and my daughters-in-law have been extremely gracious and forgiving when that happens, but I know that isn’t always the case in other families.

Or maybe the kids find their parents’ mannerisms excessively annoying and avoid visiting them so they won’t have to deal with that irritation.

The puzzling thing is, I have friends who have managed to forgive truly horrific behavior on the part of their parents and have maintained a relationship with them against all odds. I’m not saying they let those parents babysit their kids or give them a key to their house, but they still love them and are respectful toward them and they check up on them regularly.

Whereas I’ve also known of many, many other people, young and old alike, who’ve cut their parents completely out of their lives, often for relatively minor grievances — and they feel entirely justified for having done so.

It’s a travesty and a shame.

If you’re presently in such a situation, I’d encourage you to treat your parents the way you’d want to be treated. Do what you can to bury the hatchet and make amends. Because, you can be sure, your children are observing how you relate (or don’t relate) with your parents and may eventually end up relating (or not relating) to you in much the same way.

That was one of the thoughts that compelled me to keep working on my relationship with my in-laws. I discussed that history at length in Episode 2, which I’ll link in the show notes. The short version is, it seemed to me in the early years of our marriage that my husband’s parents were extremely difficult to please.

But I kept reaching out, mainly because I wanted to be obedient to scripture and to honor the LORD in the way I related to them, and I can honestly say that God blessed those efforts and has given me a very good relationship with both my in-laws today. We love and respect and understand one another in a way I would not have thought possible ten, fifteen, even twenty years into my marriage.

But I kept on trying, because I recognized the fact my children would observe my example – for good or for ill – and would likely take their cues from my behavior in the future.

Your Impact on a Watching World

Several years ago, back in the summer of 2017 I think it was, our family took part in a BBC documentary starring Miriam Margolyes. She’s immensely popular in Great Brittain, but American audiences would mainly recognize her as Professor Sprout from the Harry Potter films.

Anyway, Miriam and I do not see eye-to-eye on very many issues at all, but I love her and she loves me, and we’ve maintained a friendship now for 8 years.

In fact, I had a two-hour conversation with her two months ago. She’s starting a podcast and asked me to be her guest, which of course I was delighted to do. None of her podcasts have actually been published yet, to my knowledge, but she did send me a link to the original documentary we did, which I’ll put in today’s show notes if you’re interested in watching it.

But my point in telling you all this is that Miriam once asked me, a long time ago, whether I thought the world would be better off if everyone were more like me. That’s a great question for any of us to ponder.

I told her that would depend entirely upon what she meant. If by “like me” you mean they’d all be freckled and red-headed and shop thrift stores and love arts and crafts and listen to classical music and live in East Texas and have a whole bunch of kids and homeschool them all, then no. I don’t think the world would necessarily be better off if all those things were true.

In fact, it might feel start to feel kind of boring. I love the fact that everyone looks different and has different interests and giftings and hobbies. Variety is the spice of life, as they say.

Or, as Paul put it in 1 Corinthians 12:17- 18, “If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? [Or] If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But in fact, God has arranged the members of the body, every one of them, according to His design.”

But of course, if by “like me” you mean, do I think the world would be better off if everyone in it loved their family and remained true to their wedding vows and treated others the way they’d like to be treated and tried to glorify God in everything they do? Then yes, I do think that would a positive difference in our culture.

And I’ve intentionally conducted my life in such a way as might allow me to say with Paul, “Imitate me, just as I also imitate Christ.” Because, guess what? That’s exactly what our kids often end up doing, whether we tell them to in so many words or not.

Strong Families are the Backbone of Society

Yesterday, one of my daughters overheard me humming an old hymn and said, “Oh, Mom, that hymn always makes me want to cry.”

I was actually singing “Be Still My Soul,” but it’s the same tune as “A Christian Home,” which the church she attended while living in Jordan sang on the regular.

The lyrics are beautiful, so I think I’ll finish this week’s podcast by singing them for you, in case you aren’t familiar with them. The song goes like this:

“O give us homes built firm upon the Saviour,
Where Christ is Head, and Counsellor and Guide;
Where ev’ry child is taught His love and favor
And gives his heart to Christ, the crucified:
How sweet to know that tho’ his footsteps waver
His faithful Lord is walking by his side!

“O give us homes with godly fathers, mothers,
Who always place their hope and trust in Him;
Whose tender patience turmoil never bothers,
Whose calm and courage trouble cannot dim;
A home where each finds joy in serving others,
And love still shines, tho’ days be dark and grim.

“O give us homes where Christ is Lord and Master,
The Bible read, the precious hymns still sung;
Where prayer comes first in peace or in disaster,
And praise is natural speech to ev’ry tongue;
Where mountains move before a faith that’s vaster,
And Christ sufficient is for old and young.

“O Lord, our God, our homes are Thine forever!
We trust to Thee their problems, toil, and care;
Their bonds of love no enemy can sever
If Thou art always Lord and Master there:
Be Thou the center of our least endeavor:
Be Thou our Guest, our hearts and homes to share.”

Isn’t that a wonderful prayer? It is the cry of my heart. And as we celebrate and honor our mothers this coming Sunday, I hope it will be your prayer, as well.

The Word of God is full of wisdom for every facet of life, but we’ve found it especially helpful in building a happy, healthy marriage. For a fascinating look at how science has confirmed the superiority of God’s design, check out my book Love Your Husband/Love Yourself.

The post EP 83: In Honor of Mothers Everywhere appeared first on Loving Life at Home.

EP 82: The Secret to Cultivating Contentment

Much of the material from this week’s podcast is drawn from a blog post I wrote on cultivating contentment over a decade ago (which you can read in its entirety below the show notes).

Fortunately, this strategy works today just as well as it did then. So if you’ve ever found yourself fixating on your problems, stewing about things over which you have no control, or struggling to “rejoice in all circumstances,” listen in!

Show NotesVERSES CITED:1 Timothy 6:6-8 – “Now godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out. And having food and clothing, with these we shall be content.”Philippians 4:11-12 – “I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.”2 Corinthians 12:10 – “That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”Hebrews 13:5 – Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”Proverbs 19:23 – “The fear of the LORD leads to life; then one rests content, untouched by trouble.”Proverbs 14:30 – “A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.”Proverbs 15:15 – “All the days of the oppressed are wretched, but the cheerful heart has a continual feast.”Ecclesiastes 6:9 – “Enjoy what you have rather than desiring what you don’t have. Just dreaming about nice things is meaningless—like chasing the wind.”Ecclesiastes 5:10 – “Whoever loves money never has enough; whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with their income. This too is meaningless.”Luke 12:19 (the parable of the rich fool) – “And I’ll say to myself, ‘You have plenty of grain laid up for many years. Take life easy; eat, drink and be merry.’”RELATED LINKS:EP 10 – We Find What We Look ForEP 19 – Amazing Stories of God’s ProvisionEP 51 – Waiting in a Way that Honors God   EP 61 – How to Handle Deep RegretsEP 81 – When You’re Barely Treading Water Free Printable – Empty Nest ListFree Printable – Do It Now ListSTAY CONNECTED:Subscribe: Flanders Family Freebies – (weekly themed link lists of free resources)Instagram: follow @flanders_family for more great contentShop my books: Flanders Family StoreFamily Blog: Flanders Family Home Life (parenting tips, homeschool help, free printables) Marriage Blog: Loving Life at Home  (encouragement in your roles as wife, mother, believer)Cultivating Contentment

My husband used to have a medical colleague with a bad habit of complaining. When work was slow, he’d complain that he couldn’t make any money. When work was busy, he’d complain that he never saw his family.

Doug suggested that all he really needed was an attitude adjustment.

“When you’re working hard, be happy for the opportunity to make money. When your schedule’s light, be happy for the opportunity to spend more time with your family. Just flip-flop your reactions and you’ll have nothing to complain about.”

It occurs to me that a lot of wives and mothers might profit from a similar shift in thinking.

When our children are little, it’s easy to focus on the sleepless nights. The endless messes. The never-having-a-free-minute-to-call-our-own. As they grow, those earlier trials give way to hectic schedules and constant chauffeuring. Then attitudes and hormones. Then college tuition and car repairs. Until suddenly — in the blink of an eye — they’re grown and gone and you find yourself sitting in an empty house wishing for a do-over.

That’s why it is so important to focus not on the trials of each stage, but on the joys. Savor them, for they are fleeting. Tomorrow that chubby cheeked toddler who wakes you up three times a night will be married with children of his own.

I am so grateful that, when I was just a little girl, my mother warned me of the dangers of wishing one’s life away.

Instead of thinking, I’ll be glad when I’m old enough to wear make up or drive or date or attend college or get married or (fill in the blank), Mom advised me to just enjoy whatever stage of life I was in to the fullest.

The next stage would arrive soon enough, she assured me. But I’d miss the pleasures of the present stage if I spent my time pining for the privileges of the next.

It’s a lesson I carried with me into marriage and motherhood. And my life has been so much richer as a result.

Contentment is not something you should postpone for a more convenient time. If you are ever going to experience it, you must actively cultivate it.

Right now.

Right where you are.

This involves shifting your focus off the things you can’t do in your current season of life, and instead attending with gratitude to those things you can do.

Stop complaining about the cold all winter and the heat all summer. Instead, relish the opportunity to wear sweaters and build fires and drink hot cocoa when temperatures drop. Then take joy in wearing flip-flops and eating watermelon and going swimming when the mercury peaks.

This simple solution, consistently applied, is one of the most effective ways I know to cultivate contentment. In fact, it can profoundly boost your happiness levels, in general.

Free Printable Planning Lists

One practical way to keep things in proper perspective is by making lists. I’ve written before about the fact I keep a running Empty Nest List and a Do It Now List in my notebook.

[click on image to print]

These serve as a reminder to do more of what I’ll miss (like cuddling with my little ones, reading them stories, and baking cookies together) and to chill out about stuff that’s relatively inconsequential (there will be time to alphabetize my home library and organize my small parts cabinets when the kids are grown and gone, if those things are even still important to me then).

[click on image to print]

Of course, your children aren’t the only ones who stand to benefit when you cultivate contentment by focusing on the things you love instead of the things that irritate you. Your spouse will appreciate such a shift in thinking, too.

As much as you might like to grow old together, you have no guarantee that will happen, so show him all the love and respect and appreciation you can muster while you still have him with you.

Live in a way that will leave no lingering regrets when he’s gone.

What kinds of things would/should be on your “Do It Now List?” What things might be better postponed for another season, perhaps when your nest is empty?

The post EP 82: The Secret to Cultivating Contentment appeared first on Loving Life at Home.

EP 81: When You Feel Like You’re Only Treading Water

Sometimes life’s responsibilities seem so overwhelming and inescapable that you feel like you’re barely treading water. How do you cope when the going gets tough, and your energy’s already depleted? Here are seven strategies that have kept me afloat during the busiest, most exhausting seasons of mothering 12 children and managing a increasingly busy household.

Show NotesVERSES CITED:“These things I have spoken unto you, that in Me you may have peace….” – John 16:33 “Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials….” – James 1:2-4“…God causes all things to work together for good to those who….”- Romans 8:28“If anybody lacks wisdom, let him ask of God who gives to all freely…” – James 1:5“When they measure themselves by themselves… they are not wise.” – 2 Cor. 10:12“…whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” – 1 Corinthians 10:31“Be strong and courageous… He will never leave you nor forsake you.” – Deut. 31:6“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!” – Philippians 4:13“Yet those who wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength….” – Isaiah 40:31“Call upon Me in the day of trouble: I will deliver thee….” – Psalm 50:15“I am the vine; you are the branches…remain in me… bear much fruit.” – John 15:5“A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest….” – Proverbs 6:10 “Unless the LORD builds the house, they labor in vain who build it…” – Psalm 127:1-2“He will … gently lead those who are with young.” – Isaiah 40:11“Come to Me, all you who are weary and are heavy laden…” – Matthew 11:28-30“So teach us to number our days….” – Psalm 90:12“Love you neighbor as you love yourself” – Mark 12:30“From everyone to whom much has been given will much be required…” – Luke 12:48“So then, each of us will give an account of ourselves to God.” – Romans 14:12“Love the LORD your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength….” – Mark 12:30“Better a dry crust with peace and quiet than a house full of feasting…” – Prov. 17:1“Better is a portion of vegetables where there is love….” – Prov. 15:17 “Let us not grow weary in doing good, for in due season we shall reap…” – Gal. 6:9 “Do not despise these small beginnings, for the LORD rejoices to see…” – Zech. 4:10RELATED LINKS: Flanders Family Freebies – use ths link to subscribe to my weekly newsletterEpisode 53: Microsystems for Home ManagementMan’s Search for Meaning by Viktor FranklSTAY CONNECTED:Subscribe: Flanders Family Freebies – (weekly themed link lists of free resources)Instagram: follow @flanders_family for more great contentShop my books: Flanders Family StoreFamily Blog: Flanders Family Home Life (parenting tips, homeschool help, printables) Marriage Blog: Loving Life at Home  (encouragement for wives, mothers, believers)Feel Like You’re Just Treading Water?Full transcript for Episode 81

EP 81: Help for When You Feel Like You’re Drowning

Hello, Friend, and welcome to episode 81 of Loving Life at Home.

Today I’m tackling a question that came in from a subscriber last week, but it is representative of a lot of other questions I’ve received over the years in the same vein.

She writes:

Hi there, Mrs. Flanders,

My question is, how do you do all you do?! I too am a homeschooling mom, with three kiddos… I work very part time… [but] I still feel like I am constantly drowning. Help!

Warmly,

[and she signs her name]

But this letter could’ve been written by countless other mothers – including myself during certain seasons of my life – moms who feel chronically overwhelmed by the responsibilities of raising children, keeping house, giving attention to husband, and maybe even juggling other responsibilities, like full-time or part-time employment or women’s ministries at church or community service projects and extra-curricular activities for various family members.

On good days, they feel like they’re just treading water. On hard days, they feel like the undertow is about to sweep them into a watery grave.

Barely Staying Afloat

That’s not a pleasant sensation for anybody. I remember taking swimming lessons as a child, and on the last day of class, my teacher stood in the pool about five or six feet from the edge and told me to jump in and swim to her. So I did, but every time I got within an arm’s reach of her, she took a step back, and back, and back again until, before I knew it, I’d swum the full length of the pool.

I suppose that proved she did her job, but I still think it was a mean trick! And I still remember the overwhelming sense of panic I felt while flailing about in the water trying in vain to reach that moving target.

If my teacher wanted me to swim to the other side of the pool, she should’ve said “swim to the other side while I stand here and watch” instead of saying “swim to me.”

It doesn’t really matter that I proved myself capable of getting from one side of the pool to the other—I wish that swim instructor would’ve explained her plan ahead of time, so I would’ve known what to expect, instead of feeling like she double-crossed me and violated my trust.

A Never-Ending To-Do List

But… back to that letter from my subscriber: She wrote it in reply to one of my weekly “Flanders Family Freebies” newsletters. I’ll include a subscription link in the show notes, but each Wednesday, I send out a new themed link-list of free resources, and in that same newsletter, I normally include a short review of whatever book I’m currently reading, a link to my latest podcast, sometimes a new recipe my family loves or new printables I’ve created in response to reader requests. And then I always end the newsletter with a short to-do list of personal goals I’ve set for myself that week, along with a progress report on the previous week’s goals. 

And just so you know, those last two items are more for my benefit than for my readers, as the extra accountability helps me accomplish way more than I might otherwise. Sometimes I finish all the items on my to-do list. Sometimes I don’t complete any of them. But most of the time, I’m able to mark a few things off the list and carry the rest over to the following week.

Of course, the risk of sharing personal goals is that women who are in a different, more demanding season than mine might see my list and wonder what in the world is wrong with them, that they’re struggling to stay on top of a much shorter list of responsibilities. I suspect that’s what prompted the letter I read at the beginning of the podcast today. And it is representative of a lot of messages and comments I get these days.

So I thought perhaps a little time travel might be in order this week – to give you a glimpse at what kept me busy when my brood of kids was younger – long before I had the bandwidth for podcasting or blogging or writing books or sewing quilts or painting murals or taking exotic vacations. Back when the bulk of my energy went to keeping lots and lots of little children clean, dressed, fed, and reasonably safe.

I had a discussion with one of my married sons last week that underscored the need to address this topic. Three of my daughters-in-law – including his wife — recently delivered their fourth baby. And my son said to me, “Mom, you’ve always said having three kids was the hardest, so we thought things would get easier after our fourth was born, but it hasn’t! Most of the time it feels like we’re just treading water.”

There’s that phrase again! Treading water. Barely staying afloat. Just trying to keep from drowning. Not sure how long you can keep it up.

Four Kids, Five and Under

Well, first of all, I have to set the record straight, because my son was misremembering. I’ve always said that, for me, having FOUR children was the hardest. The first baby was the biggest adjustment, to be sure, but I personally found that having FOUR was the most physically draining, not THREE. Once number five was born, I began to see a little light at the end of the tunnel, and I didn’t feel so exhausted all the time.

Although, to be fair, it wasn’t actually my fourth baby who ran me ragged. It was the child who turned two a few months after his baby brother was born. My thirdborn had been a super easy baby – he slept six hours a night from the day we brought him home from the hospital and seldom fussed about anything – but once he turned two, it was as if he spent every waking minute dreaming up ways to put himself mortal danger. He got into everything, but he was extremely quiet and sneaky about it. So I couldn’t turn my back on him for even a second, or he’d scramble over our chain link fence in the blink of an eye, bolt down the alley, and climb into our neighbor’s yard to pet his dogs.

Or he’d climb up on the workbench in our garage, punch the button for the automatic door opener, then run over and catch a ride up on the moving door, whereupon we’d hear him screaming for dear life while hanging by his fingertips from the ceiling of the garage.

Or I’d buckle him into his car seat after shopping a garage sale – that was back in the day when car seats only had three point harnesses instead of five – and he’d silently worm his way out and escape unnoticed through the driver’s door while I was buckling his siblings into their seats, and I wouldn’t discover until we were halfway home that he was no longer in the van with us!

These aren’t hypothetical guesses. Every single one of those stories actually happened. And they happened while I had four children and the culprit in question was only TWO. Is it any wonder I felt continually exhausted during that season of my life.

I remember my husband telling me another time after one of our three-year-olds slipped out of the car unnoticed and got left somewhere, “We don’t have any business having any more children, because we can’t even take care of the ones we’ve got!”

Thankfully, two things are true: First, my husband and I have always prayed that God would make up for our lack as parents, and He has been so faithful to do that. And second, God was willing to entrust us with more children despite the fact we often felt like miserable failures, especially in those early years. We aren’t completely immune to such feelings even now, although experience and perspective and having a long track record of God’s abundant mercy and grace goes a long way toward ameliorating any feelings of defeat Satan would like to saddle us with.

Besides, unlike the swim instructor from my childhood, Jesus gave us fair warning about the trials to come. He said in John 16:33, “These things I have spoken unto you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.”

And James tells us, “Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” (James 1:2-4)

Just as it would’ve helped me as a child in that swimming pool to understand that my teacher was not trying to terrify me by backing away as I made my way toward her, it helps to know that God has a purpose for every hardship we endure. That He is actively working all things together for our good and His glory, as Romans 8:28 promises us.

Those truths have really helped me during my seasons of treading water. But God also promises to give wisdom to all who ask (James 1:5), and He was also faithful to help me find ways that made the load seem lighter that I’d been called to bear, so instead of just empathizing with your pain, today I’d like to share some practical ways of dealing with those difficult seasons when you feel like you’re barely able to keep your head above water.

Here are…

7 practices that provide relief:

My first tip is:

1 – Don’t Compare

I’m not sure if Jon Acuff or Tim Hillard or somebody else said it originally, but it’s true: “You should never compare your beginning to somebody else’s middle.” I love that. It’s such a good reminder that each of us is at a different place on life’s road, and that’s okay.

2 Corinthians 10:12 puts it this way: “When [people] measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise.” That’s because you can always find somebody who is worse off — or better off –than yourself in a particular area, which is why such comparisons lead only to pride on the one hand or self-loathing on the other, neither of which are healthy or God-honoring attitudes.

And we can all fall prey to that temptation to compare. I remember sitting on a panel of homeschool moms for a Q&A workshop at a local event many years ago where we were discussing homeschooling in high school. And I know that the reason I was asked to participate is that I’d already graduated several of my kids, all of whom had gone on to college and then medical or dental or nursing school and they’d done well and were very successful.

Nevertheless, I was sitting on stage listening to the other moms answering a particular question and waiting for my turn to speak on the topic, when one of the moms to my right mentioned the fact that she had taught her kids Latin, and my head started spinning so fast, I felt like it was going to fall off my shoulders. I was thinking in a panic, “Latin! Why didn’t I teach my kids Latin? I had three years of Latin in high school. I loved Latin. How are my kids going to survive without Latin?”

But you know what? I had my hands full just teaching my children the basics. And by God’s grace, that had obviously been enough for them to obtain college degrees and land very promising careers. By the way, I don’t know what it’s like where you live, but the colleges here love homeschooled kids, because they are generally very honest, hard-working, and self-motivated. In fact, they’re self-motivated enough that, if they were interested in learning Latin, they’d be able to do it without my assigning it as an elective on their high school transcript.

The moral of that story is, don’t waste time worrying about what other people are doing or not doing. That is between them and the LORD.  Instead, keep your focus on Christ and on glorifying Him in everything you do, just as 1 Corinthians 10:31 commands: “Whether, then, you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” I love that verse, and I’ve painted it very prominently on the wall of nearly every house we’ve ever owned. It helps keep my focus where it should be: on Him, not on my fellow humans.

My second tip is to…

2 – Lean on the Lord

God has promised He will never leave or forsake us (Deut 31:6). Whatever it is that He’s called you to do – whether mothering a houseful of little children or living as a single woman when you’d rather be married or studying hard to earn your college degree or trying to regain your health after a cancer diagnosis or grieving the loss of a loved one or packing up your belongings and moving  to the other side of the globe — You don’t have to do it in your own strength!

We can say with Paul, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!” (Philippians 4:13) The LORD equips those he calls! And we can trust God to fulfill the promise He made in Isaiah 40:31: “Yet those who wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint.” Don’t you crave that kind of strength? I know I do!

Psalm 50:15 says, “Call upon Me in the day of trouble: I will deliver thee, and thou shalt glorify me.”  Ask God to multiply your effort, just as He multiplied those five loaves and two fish to feed five thousand. Pray that He will not only make your strength sufficient to the task at hand, but would provide an abundance left over…He is so able and willing to do that!

Isn’t that the kind of life you want to live? Where people look on and marvel, saying, “It doesn’t seem humanly possible for one woman to accomplish so much,” to which you can then answer, “You’re right! It’s all by God’s grace. I couldn’t do any of it apart from His blessing or His empowering, inexhaustible strength, or His miraculous, sustaining, unfailing grace. God equips those He calls! And He stretches and molds and matures us in ways we never dreamed possible! To Him be all the glory and praise forever!”

The fruit appears on the branch, but the nourishment always, always, always comes through the vine. If the branch is cut off from that supply, it’s not going to produce anything. It’ll just wither and die. So make sure your life is firmly rooted in Christ and that you are leaning fully on Him each step of the way!

Then, my third tip is to…

3 – Prioritize Rest

When I first became a mother, I got some very good advice, which was to “Sleep when the baby sleeps.” Those seasoned moms probably knew from experience how tempting it would be to tend to household chores while baby was napping, but God designed our bodies to need rest, and we should use the opportunities He provides – as few and far between as they may seem to the breastfeeding mother of a colicky newborn — to attend to that very basic, very important need.

Back when I was a college student and sometimes felt tempted to skip my early morning classes in favor of sleeping until noon, Proverbs 6:10 would start playing over and over again in my brain — “A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest, then your poverty will come in like a vagabond and your want like an armed man.”

This same verse is repeated almost verbatim in Prov. 24:33-34, so you know it’s one God wants us to remember. And sure enough, I could never stay in bed long once the Lord brought that verse to mind. Those words would dog me until I finally sprang up and got busy.

But there is a balancing verse in Psalm 127 that He’s often used to reassure me in those bone-weary days of nursing babies and chasing toddlers and – even more recently —  homeschooling high schoolers and fighting cancer and coordinating a family calendar that seems perpetually packed with extra-curricular activities. And that balancing truth is this: “Unless the LORD builds the house, they labor in vain who build it; Unless the LORD guards the city, the watchman keeps awake in vain. It is vain for you to rise up early, to retire late, to eat the bread of painful labors; for He gives to His beloved even in his sleep.” (Psalm 127:1-2)

The Psalmist then immediately launches in to talking about children being a blessing, as if to underscore the fact that those previous two verses apply to mothers, too. Don’t you love that? Isn’t it beautiful?

It reminds me of the promise we find in Isaiah 40:11, “He will feed His flock like a shepherd; He will gather the lambs with His arm, And carry them in His bosom, And gently lead those who are with young.”

Like the good shepherd He is, Christ will “gently lead those who are with young.” Raise your hand if that means you. Aren’t you thankful for that?

Jesus expands on this thought in Matthew 11:28-30. There He says, “Come to Me, all you who are weary and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” Isn’t that a reassuring promise? It floods my soul with peace and calm, just to read it! 

When I was first starting out as a mother, I remember thinking very uncharitable thoughts toward my babies when they’d cry for hours at a time, then I’d finally get them to sleep and drift off myself, only to be woken up again, half an hour later with another crisis. I was perpetually sleep deprived and felt like I was running on fumes.

But a funny thing happened to me over time: First of all, I changed from being a night owl into a full-fledged morning person. Second, I learned the art of power napping – and still practice it nearly every afternoon – just 10 or 15 minutes right after lunch is enough to recharge my batteries for the evening ahead. And third, God totally transformed my attitude toward those midnight feedings.

Whereas before, I’d inwardly fume, “Doesn’t this baby realize how desperately I need my rest?” – mainly because I didn’t always take that sane advice to sleep when my baby slept – but my attitude slowly began to change, and by the time I had half a dozen or more children, I began to enjoy and look forward to those midnight feedings, when the house was quiet, and have that special one-on-one time with my baby that was so elusive when the rest of the family was awake and needing my attention.  

What’s more, by the time I weaned my very last baby – after spending 25 solid years pregnant or nursing or both – I continued to wake up between 3 and 4 AM, and that became the time I would write. To this day, I don’t require a lot of sleep, although I am doing my best to get at least 7-8 hours of restorative sleep a night, because I know it is so vital to good health. And because now the verse that plays through my head when I’m tempted to get up in the middle of the night to work on a project is Psalm 127:2 “It is vain for you to rise up early, to retire late, to eat the bread of painful labors; for He gives to His beloved even in his sleep.”

My fourth tip is to…

4 – Use Time Wisely

Psalm 90:12 reads, “So teach us to number our days, that we may present to You a heart of wisdom.” Here again, we need a balance. Sometimes, we feel like we’re drowning, not because we’re in a particularly demanding or stressful season of life, but because we’ve squandered too much valuable time in mindless activities—like scrolling through social media or binge-watching Netflix or fill in the blank with whatever time-waster the Holy Spirit might currently be trying to convict you about.

It is amazing how much you can accomplish when you lay aside the distractions. For instance, our family hasn’t owned a working television since around 1990. That’s not because we don’t like TV, but because we like it too much. In fact, we watched so much of it during our first couple of years of marriage that our TV set – which had been a wedding gift — actually overheated and actually blew up, with smoke and fumes and everything!

And, at the time, we really couldn’t afford a replacement, so we just did without. And we soon realized that we were far more productive when that thing wasn’t on keeping us distracted. And we were far better rested, as well, because we weren’t staying up to all hours watching late night comedy shows.

Rest is important, that is true. But not all rest is restorative. And sometimes laziness and distraction – or excessive “self-care” or “me time” — masquerade as rest and recuperation, but they aren’t the same thing at all.

I feel a little conflicted about the term “self-care.” Because on one hand, we do need to take care of our bodies and steward them well. We need to sleep and to bathe and to exercise. We need to fill our bellies with nourishing food and get some fresh air and sunshine.

And the fact that Christ commands us to “Love you neighbor as you love yourself” (Mark 12:30) assumes that taking care of yourself is the default setting for most people.

But on the other hand, in recent years I’ve seen this reasonable level of “self-care” morph into an unhealthy attitude of self-indulgence and responsibility avoidance and that is not a good thing. And it’s had a devastating effect on both marriage and motherhood… but that’s another podcast for another day.

The point is, we want to steward wisely every gift God gives us, including our bodies and our time wisely, knowing that “from everyone to whom much has been given will much be required” (see Luke 12:48) and that each of us will someday “give an account of ourselves to God” as we’re told in Romans 14:12.

My fifth tip?

5 – Get Back to Basics

What if you’ve already cut out all the time wasters, and still feel like you’re in over your head?

I remember setting some very ambitious goals for myself and my family in January of 1995 – I think I had about 7 pages of New Year’s resolutions. My husband had taken a year off from the residency after his internship year – that was the year of training where he was working 120 hours a week. So he took a year off, starting around the time our fourth child was born, and just practiced general medicine three days a week.

That gave us all a much-needed break when we were feeling burned out. And so, now that we were feeling more rested, we rang in the new year with all sorts of plans about all the things we were going to accomplish with our newfound time and energy.

But then my husband returned to his residency. (It was either that or have the army ship him off to Bosnia). And it became apparent almost immediately that neither of us were going to have the bandwidth to accomplish much of anything on that long to-do list.

So we scaled our ambitions back dramatically. Our primary goals became two-fold: to SURVIVE, and to preserve some vestige of SANITY.

And if you are in a difficult season, you may need to dial it down, scale back, and cut the fat as well. Nobody can do it all. Nobody. When He was living on earth, even Jesus had to take breaks. He didn’t preach 24/7. He didn’t answer every question He was asked. He didn’t heal every single person who was sick.

Instead, He regularly withdrew by Himself to be alone and pray. To rest and recharge.

What’s more, He cut through all those massive lists of dos and don’ts the pharisees tried to saddle people with and boiled the law down to a two-fold goal: First: Love the LORD your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength, and second: Love your neighbor as yourself. (Mark 12:30)

So there’s a good precedent for just focusing on the basics. It works for homeschooling, too: Reading, Writing, and Arithmetic. Do a good job of teaching your kids those three foundational skills, and it will be so much easier for them to learn anything and everything else they need to know.

My sixth point is closely related to both the first and the fifth:

6 – Give Yourself Grace

Sometimes the reason you have a hard time keeping your head above water is that you’ve weighed yourself down with unrealistic expectations.

If you spend any time on Pinterest or Instagram, you might get the idea that everyone else has magazine-worthy homes and gardens; homecooked gourmet meals three times a day; toned, muscular bodies that are bikini ready even two weeks post-partum; and angelic, well-dressed children who never throw tantrums or wipe their boogers on the wall.

Of course, you are seeing only a curated snapshot. Let me say it again: Nobody can do it all. But even if they could, that wouldn’t obligate you to follow suit. It is okay to relax unrealistic standards and simplify processes where you can. I covered some of the ways I’ve simplified and made my responsibilities more manageable in Episode 53: Microsystems for Home Management, which I’ll link in the show notes.

Proverbs 17:1 tells us, “Better a dry crust with peace and quiet than a house full of feasting, with strife.” And Proverbs 15:17 says something similar: “Better is a portion of vegetables where there is love, than a fattened ox served with hatred.”

I don’t cook many gourmet meals today, and I rarely ever did so when my children were little. Instead, we subsist mainly on huge pots of soup and/or big, hearty tossed salads. But when my kids were little we’d fill our bellies with fresh fruits and veggies – like grapes, berries, carrots and celery sticks, plus cheese and crackers and nuts, eaten off paper towels from a common platter in the middle of the table.

Actually, that sounds a little like a charcuterie board, doesn’t it? But we were eating that kind of raw, easy-to-prepare and easy-to-clean up meals before charcuterie became bougie.

But maybe the pressure you’re feeling to perform doesn’t come from Pinterest, but comes from trying to live up to the standard your own mother or mother-in-law set. I see that a lot.

My own dear mother is an immaculate housekeeper. And she’s also a born organizer, a great cook, and she always kept our family’s clothes beautifully pressed. She even irons and organizes colored tissue paper – the kind people put into gift bags? She reuses it (just like I do), but she irons hers first, so that it looks brand new – and it is so pretty to open up her gift-wrapping cabinet and see it all folded, stacked, and organized by color, right under a tension rod she uses for organizing her ribbon, also in rainbow order. Contrast my mom’s beautiful giftwrapping to mine: If you ever get a gift from me, I can almost guarantee the recycled tissue paper is going to be considerably wrinkled and dog-eared.

My point is, I would’ve worn myself out and felt like an utter failure if I tried to do everything exactly to my mother’s standards. There is no way my house – with 12 homeschooled children running in and out of it all day long, doing lessons at the dining room table and science experiments on the back porch and art projects in every spare corner – no way that house was ever going to be as clean as Mom’s. Partly because she only had two children and because we spent most of the day in a school classroom (although I proved myself fully capable of generating big messes with my art projects in the hours I spent at home).

Also, while almost every meal I remember from childhood was served with salad, bread, entrée and two sides,  nearly everything I cook for my family is served in a single pot. I am pretty organized, thanks to my mother’s patient training, but with a dozen kids and two dozen grandkids helping themselves to everything I’ve neatly stored away, things can get disorganized in a hurry. And don’t even get me started on ironing! We do still own an iron and the kids or I will occasionally use it for craft or sewing projects, but I rarely ever press anybody’s clothing, much less the tissue paper for my gift bags!

So if you still feel like you’re treading water, check your expectations – for both yourself and your family – and make sure you aren’t trying to live up to somebody else’s standards that don’t make sense for you.

This is also important when it comes to child-training. We definitely need to teach our kids basic life skills, but – especially in the beginning – that will take effort on our part and the results will likely be less stellar than if we’d simply done the job ourselves.

That’s okay. Just come along beside your kids. Commend their efforts. Don’t go back and redo the chores after them. Just trust the process, that they will improve with experience.

And that brings me to my seventh tip…

7 – Keep Up the Good Work

Celebrate forward progress, no matter how small. Sometimes it feels as if you’re moving only inch by inch. But Stick with it.  Persevere – “Don’t give up or grow weary in doing good,” as Galatians 6:9 admonishes us, “for in due season you will reap.”

This is true in so many areas, but it is especially true in child training. So don’t despise the day of small things.” (Zech. 4:10) The LORD is watching. He sees and knows. Serve your family as unto the LORD.  Do all those mundane tasks – the meal prep, the laundry, the diaper changes, the dishes, the teaching, the child training, the things that will inevitably need to be done again tomorrow and the next day and the next – do them with a cheerful heart as an act of worship unto Christ.

I was recently reminded of a quote from holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl. In Man’s Search for Meaning, he wrote: “The last of one’s freedoms is to choose one’s attitude in any given circumstance.” Isn’t that true? Your own attitude is something over which you have complete control – and that ability to choose how you’ll respond to your surroundings is something nobody can take away from you. So choose wisely.

These seven practices will help you get through the bone-weary days of mothering young children or getting settled into a new house after a move or recovering from a major illness or a difficult delivery or a miscarriage or a financial setback or a terminal diagnosis, or whatever other kind of trial you are currently facing.

No matter what circumstances have contributed to the feeling you are barely keeping your head above the surface, the solution is the same: refuse to compare, lean on the Lord, prioritize rest, use your time wisely, return to the basics, give yourself grace, and keep up the good work. So give that strategy a try, then let me know how it’s going.

The Word of God is full of wisdom for every facet of life, but we’ve found it especially helpful in building a happy, healthy marriage. For a fascinating look at how science has confirmed the superiority of God’s design, check out my book Love Your Husband/Love Yourself.

The post EP 81: When You Feel Like You’re Only Treading Water appeared first on Loving Life at Home.

EP 80: Egg Hunts & Other Easter Celebrations

We’re right in the middle of holy week, which makes this a great time to discuss some of our family’s favorite Easter traditions. Yes, we still have egg hunts, but we especially favor activities that keep our focus on the finished work of Christ on the cross.

Show NotesVERSES CITED:Matthew 13:44 – “The kingdom of heaven is like a treasure hidden in the field, which a man found and hid again; and from joy over it he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field.” 1 John 4:10 – “God loved us and sent His Son.” Matthew 28:6 – “He has risen, just as He said.”  John 3:16 – “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.Romans 5:8 – “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.”John 8:12 – “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows Me will never walk in the darkness, but will have the light of life.”RELATED LINKS:Resurrection Eggs PrintableScripture Eggs PrintableEmpty Tomb Kids CraftEaster Bible Verse Coloring PagesThe Easter Story (book by Carol Heyer)Easter Scripture ChainPassion Week Quiz Resurrection Day Word Scramble Resurrection Day Word FindEaster Conversation StartersLet Them Know Music VideoAll About that Grace Music VideoNever Enough Music VideoThe Jelly Bean GospelSTAY CONNECTED:Subscribe: Flanders Family Freebies – (weekly themed link lists of free resources)Instagram: follow @flanders_family for more great contentShop my books: Flanders Family StoreFamily Blog: Flanders Family Home Life (parenting tips, homeschool help, printables) Marriage Blog: Loving Life at Home  (encouragement for wives, mothers, believers)Egg Hunts & Other Easter CelebrationsFULL TRANSCRIPT FOR EPISODE 80

Hello, Friend.  Welcome to Episode 80 of Loving Life at Home. Easter comes a little late this year, so we are right in the middle of holy week, so I thought this would be a good time to talk about Easter traditions, and specifically how to celebrate Resurrection Sunday with our families in a way that makes great memories for our children without detracting from the real reason we celebrate, which is the fact that Christ is risen! He is risen indeed!

We’ve tried lots of things through the years with our kids and grandkids, so I’ll try to just hit the highlights.

1. Egg Hunts

search for it like hidden treasure… Jesus Himself said, “The kingdom of heaven is like a treasure hidden in the field, which a man found and hid again; and from joy over it he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field.” (Matthew 13:44)

Resurrection Eggs – first 12 then 18 then 24 – free printable version on our family website, I’ll link in the shownotesScripture Eggs – a word or two from beloved Bible verses on each egg. Different color for each verse. kids find them and arrange them to spell out the verse…“God loved us and sent His Son.” -1 John 4:10“He has risen, just as He said.” – Matthew 28:6John 3:16Romans 5:8Empty Eggs – like the empty tomb (trade for candy or other treats). that way chocolate doesn’t melt in Texas sun. Eggs don’t get sticky and we can reuse the same eggs year after year— speaking of reusable, have you seen those little quilted eggs? They’re so cute! – but I haven’t gotten around to stitching any of those – yet! – so we’re still using plastic.Chasing Eggs – I saw a cute idea on Instagram last week where, instead of hiding the eggs, the dads and granddads in the family just clipped or taped the empty eggs onto the backs of their shirts, and all the kids had to chase them around the yard trying to get hold of the eggs. That looked like something our kids – and their fathers – would absolutely love, so we may try a version of that this year.Glow-in-the-Dark Eggs – tiny finger lights. Jesus is the Light of the World. fun to hunt after dark. Although, we’ve already switched to daylight savings time, so doesn’t get dark until way past my bedtime…Spelling Eggs – adults – one letter in each egg. cash, gift card, chocolate, tea, note cards, lego set, etc – c on cash or card or chocolate… first one to add the final letter to the name of any particular gift gets to keep it. not a specific tie in to Christ’s resurrection, although I suppose you could give themed prizes, like a devotional or a bible book mark or a cross necklace, that sort of thing.2. Easter Crafts

empty tomb craft – paint the bottom of a paper plate gray, cut it in half, glue or staple the two halves together, and cut an opening on one side – looks like a tomb. Then glue or draw the stone which was rolled away, and the angel who says he is risen, and Jesus, alive, with outstretched, nail-scarred hands… I have a free printable on my family website for this one, too, which I’ll link in the show notes.

I’ve also seen an empty tomb garden that I’d like to try this year, where you turn a small terra cotta pot sideways and bury half of it in a larger terra cotta pot, set a big river rock beside the mouth of the smaller pot and cover the top with moss, which makes it look like an empty tomb. You can then add three crosses in the background and plant succulents or annuals to resemble a garden surrounding the tomb. They look really pretty when done well.coloring pages with Easter verses. lots of these available on our family website. I’ll link them in the show notescrosses made with a variety of materials: We’ve wired large nails together in the shape of a cross, or made broken china mosaic crosses, or glued pompoms to a cross cut out of card stock, or made “stained glass” looking crosses by ironing crayon shavings between two pieces of waxed paper. I’m sure you could find lots of other ideas for cross crafts on Pinterest if none of these appeal to you3. Read the Easter story

By this time, we’ve already relayed the story of Christ’s resurrection in great detail while using the Resurrection eggs, but I have a couple of picture books that hit the highlights, as well, so I’ll normally read one of those to the younger kids and grandkids before. I picked the one I have – The Easter Story by Carol Heyer – because of the beautiful illustrations. But I don’t think that one’s in print any more. Of course, you can also just read the Biblical account straight out of Matthew, Mark, Luke, or John.

4. Special Foods

We usually make either resurrection rolls or empty tomb cookies. The latter are esentially meringues beat the eggs, add vinegar, crushed pecans, place it in the tomb (warm oven), seal it with tape, leave until Easter morning…

5. Good Questions

Passion Week Quiz – Who said what?Resurrection Day word scramble or word find

Conversation starters specifically for Easter – all three of those resources are available as free downloads on my family website, so follow the link in the show notes if you’re interested in giving any a try6. More Fun

acting out the easter story – for little ones, Dad’s XL T-shirts hang down like tunics – a little rope or swath of fabric around the waist or draped over their heads and they could pass for 1st century Christians. Walk them through the story and feed them their lines. We did this with neighbor children at easter parties I hosted when my oldest kids were little. But now I have a lot of little grandkids who’d probably enjoy it as well, so I may need to drag out my fabric remnants again this weekend for them.

Easter or Spring – brown paper bag full of items like a small stuffed bunny, a chick, an egg, a Bible, a cross, a crown of thorns, a basket, a piece of candy, an angel – and as I pull each thing out of the bag, the kids tell me whether the item is related to the real meaning of easter or just to springtime in general

Music videos for Easter: Let them Know, All about God’s Grace, and Never Enough – I’ll put those links in today’s show notes, too, in case you’re interested, along with a link to one last free printable I have calledThe Jelly Bean Gospel. When my oldest kids were little, they had a Sunday school teacher who gave them a bag of jelly beans one year with a little poem called “the Jelly Bean Prayer” that associated the different colors of beans with different symbols of Easter. I loved the concept, but felt that that original poem was missing something, because it mentioned Jesus died, but didn’t say anything about his rising again – or about what motiviated him to pay for our sins in the first place. So I wrote a new version of the poem that incorporated the whole story, and that’s the one I give to my kids and grandkids and neighbors and students around Easter time each year. It reads like this:

Red is the blood that Jesus shed,
White’s the perfect life He led,
Black is for my heart of sin,
Green, new life I’ve found in Him,
Pink, for flowers near His grave,
Blue’s the world He came to save,
Purple, temple veil, now torn,
Orange, the sky on Easter morn,
Yellow is my happy grin
To know that Jesus rose again!

I hope that you’ll enjoy this treat
Of jelly beans, so small and sweet.
The news they share is short, but true:
Jesus died, ‘cause He loves YOU.
So empty the bag, and when you do,
Remember His tomb is empty, too!

The post EP 80: Egg Hunts & Other Easter Celebrations appeared first on Loving Life at Home.

EP 80: Our Family’s Favorite Easter Traditions

We’re right in the middle of holy week, which makes this a great time to discuss some of our family’s favorite Easter traditions — especially those that keep our focus on the finished work of Christ on the cross.

Show NotesVERSES CITED:Matthew 13:44 – “The kingdom of heaven is like a treasure hidden in the field, which a man found and hid again; and from joy over it he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field.” 1 John 4:10 – “God loved us and sent His Son.” Matthew 28:6 – “He has risen, just as He said.”  John 3:16 – “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.Romans 5:8 – “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.”John 8:12 – “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows Me will never walk in the darkness, but will have the light of life.”RELATED LINKS:Resurrection Eggs PrintableScripture Eggs PrintableEmpty Tomb Kids CraftEaster Bible Verse Coloring PagesThe Easter Story (book by Carol Heyer)Easter Scripture ChainPassion Week Quiz Resurrection Day Word Scramble Resurrection Day Word FindEaster Conversation StartersLet Them Know Music VideoAll About that Grace Music VideoNever Enough Music VideoThe Jelly Bean GospelSTAY CONNECTED:Subscribe: Flanders Family Freebies – (weekly themed link lists of free resources)Instagram: follow @flanders_family for more great contentShop my books: Flanders Family StoreFamily Blog: Flanders Family Home Life (parenting tips, homeschool help, printables) Marriage Blog: Loving Life at Home  (encouragement for wives, mothers, believers)Our Favorite Easter TraditionsFULL TRANSCRIPT FOR EPISODE 80

Hello, Friend.  Welcome to Episode 80 of Loving Life at Home. Easter comes a little late this year, so we are right in the middle of holy week, so I thought this would be a good time to talk about Easter traditions, and specifically how to celebrate Resurrection Sunday with our families in a way that makes great memories for our children without detracting from the real reason we celebrate, which is the fact that Christ is risen! He is risen indeed!

We’ve tried lots of things through the years with our kids and grandkids, so I’ll try to just hit the highlights.

1. Egg Hunts

search for it like hidden treasure… Jesus Himself said, “The kingdom of heaven is like a treasure hidden in the field, which a man found and hid again; and from joy over it he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field.” (Matthew 13:44)

Resurrection Eggs – first 12 then 18 then 24 – free printable version on our family website, I’ll link in the shownotesScripture Eggs – a word or two from beloved Bible verses on each egg. Different color for each verse. kids find them and arrange them to spell out the verse…“God loved us and sent His Son.” -1 John 4:10“He has risen, just as He said.” – Matthew 28:6John 3:16Romans 5:8Empty Eggs – like the empty tomb (trade for candy or other treats). that way chocolate doesn’t melt in Texas sun. Eggs don’t get sticky and we can reuse the same eggs year after year— speaking of reusable, have you seen those little quilted eggs? They’re so cute! – but I haven’t gotten around to stitching any of those – yet! – so we’re still using plastic.Chasing Eggs – I saw a cute idea on Instagram last week where, instead of hiding the eggs, the dads and granddads in the family just clipped or taped the empty eggs onto the backs of their shirts, and all the kids had to chase them around the yard trying to get hold of the eggs. That looked like something our kids – and their fathers – would absolutely love, so we may try a version of that this year.Glow-in-the-Dark Eggs – tiny finger lights. Jesus is the Light of the World. fun to hunt after dark. Although, we’ve already switched to daylight savings time, so doesn’t get dark until way past my bedtime…Spelling Eggs – adults – one letter in each egg. cash, gift card, chocolate, tea, note cards, lego set, etc – c on cash or card or chocolate… first one to add the final letter to the name of any particular gift gets to keep it. not a specific tie in to Christ’s resurrection, although I suppose you could give themed prizes, like a devotional or a bible book mark or a cross necklace, that sort of thing.2. Easter Crafts

empty tomb craft – paint the bottom of a paper plate gray, cut it in half, glue or staple the two halves together, and cut an opening on one side – looks like a tomb. Then glue or draw the stone which was rolled away, and the angel who says he is risen, and Jesus, alive, with outstretched, nail-scarred hands… I have a free printable on my family website for this one, too, which I’ll link in the show notes.

I’ve also seen an empty tomb garden that I’d like to try this year, where you turn a small terra cotta pot sideways and bury half of it in a larger terra cotta pot, set a big river rock beside the mouth of the smaller pot and cover the top with moss, which makes it look like an empty tomb. You can then add three crosses in the background and plant succulents or annuals to resemble a garden surrounding the tomb. They look really pretty when done well.coloring pages with Easter verses. lots of these available on our family website. I’ll link them in the show notescrosses made with a variety of materials: We’ve wired large nails together in the shape of a cross, or made broken china mosaic crosses, or glued pompoms to a cross cut out of card stock, or made “stained glass” looking crosses by ironing crayon shavings between two pieces of waxed paper. I’m sure you could find lots of other ideas for cross crafts on Pinterest if none of these appeal to you3. Read the Easter story

By this time, we’ve already relayed the story of Christ’s resurrection in great detail while using the Resurrection eggs, but I have a couple of picture books that hit the highlights, as well, so I’ll normally read one of those to the younger kids and grandkids before. I picked the one I have – The Easter Story by Carol Heyer – because of the beautiful illustrations. But I don’t think that one’s in print any more. Of course, you can also just read the Biblical account straight out of Matthew, Mark, Luke, or John.

4. Special Foods

We usually make either resurrection rolls or empty tomb cookies. The latter are esentially meringues beat the eggs, add vinegar, crushed pecans, place it in the tomb (warm oven), seal it with tape, leave until Easter morning…

5. Good Questions

Passion Week Quiz – Who said what?Resurrection Day word scramble or word find

Conversation starters specifically for Easter – all three of those resources are available as free downloads on my family website, so follow the link in the show notes if you’re interested in giving any a try6. More Fun

acting out the easter story – for little ones, Dad’s XL T-shirts hang down like tunics – a little rope or swath of fabric around the waist or draped over their heads and they could pass for 1st century Christians. Walk them through the story and feed them their lines. We did this with neighbor children at easter parties I hosted when my oldest kids were little. But now I have a lot of little grandkids who’d probably enjoy it as well, so I may need to drag out my fabric remnants again this weekend for them.

Easter or Spring – brown paper bag full of items like a small stuffed bunny, a chick, an egg, a Bible, a cross, a crown of thorns, a basket, a piece of candy, an angel – and as I pull each thing out of the bag, the kids tell me whether the item is related to the real meaning of easter or just to springtime in general

Music videos for Easter: Let them Know, All about God’s Grace, and Never Enough – I’ll put those links in today’s show notes, too, in case you’re interested, along with a link to one last free printable I have calledThe Jelly Bean Gospel. When my oldest kids were little, they had a Sunday school teacher who gave them a bag of jelly beans one year with a little poem called “the Jelly Bean Prayer” that associated the different colors of beans with different symbols of Easter. I loved the concept, but felt that that original poem was missing something, because it mentioned Jesus died, but didn’t say anything about his rising again – or about what motiviated him to pay for our sins in the first place. So I wrote a new version of the poem that incorporated the whole story, and that’s the one I give to my kids and grandkids and neighbors and students around Easter time each year. It reads like this:

Red is the blood that Jesus shed,
White’s the perfect life He led,
Black is for my heart of sin,
Green, new life I’ve found in Him,
Pink, for flowers near His grave,
Blue’s the world He came to save,
Purple, temple veil, now torn,
Orange, the sky on Easter morn,
Yellow is my happy grin
To know that Jesus rose again!

I hope that you’ll enjoy this treat
Of jelly beans, so small and sweet.
The news they share is short, but true:
Jesus died, ‘cause He loves YOU.
So empty the bag, and when you do,
Remember His tomb is empty, too!

The post EP 80: Our Family’s Favorite Easter Traditions appeared first on Loving Life at Home.

EP 79: Let’s Adopt a Winston Churchill Mindset in Marriage

Little known fact: Today (April 9) is Winston Churchill Day in the US. So today, I’m taking some of my favorite quotes from the British Bulldog, examining them in light of scripture, and applying them to marriage. I hope you’ll listen in!

Show NotesVERSES CITED:Luke 12:48 – “From everyone who has been given much, much will be required….”Romans 12:10 – “Be devoted to one another in love. Outdo one another in showing….” Philippians 4:8 – “whatever is true…honorable…right…pure…think about these things.”Luke 6:38 – “Give, and it will be given to you…good measure—pressed down….” James 1:19 – “Let everyone be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger.”James 1:2-3 – “Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials….” 1 Peter 1:6-7 – “In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may….” 2 Cor. 4:17 – “For our light and momentary affliction is producing for us an eternal….”Heb. 12:11 – “No discipline seems enjoyable at the time, but painful….”Isaiah 41:10 – “Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be afraid, for I am your God. I will….”Psalm 23:4 – “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will….”Philippians 4:13 – “I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”Galatians 6:9 – “Let us not become weary in doing good….”John 15:5 – “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you….”RELATED LINKS:Unreasonable Hospitality by Will Guidara EP 78: 7 Ways to Ruin Your MarriageEP 75: Emphasize Your Husband’s Good PointsThe Good News about Marriage by Shaunti FeldhahnSTAY CONNECTED:Subscribe: Flanders Family Freebies – (weekly themed link lists of free resources)Instagram: follow @flanders_family for more great contentShop my books: Flanders Family StoreFamily Blog: Flanders Family Home Life (parenting tips, homeschool help, free printables) Marriage Blog: Loving Life at Home  (encouragement for wives, mothers, believers)Winston Churchill Gives Sound Marriage AdviceFull transcript of Episode 79

Hello, Friend. Welcome to Episode 79 of Loving Life at Home. This week, we’re talking about marriage.

I’m a little late posting this episode. I have two graduating seniors this year – my youngest son and oldest grandson, both of whom I homeschool. Actually, we have four graduates this spring – another son is finishing nursing school this month, and my oldest daughter is completing a pediatric dental fellowship. But the high school graduation preparations are what is monopolizing so much of my time lately, what with senior videos to make and yearbook pages to finish and portraits and bios to submit for the programs and invitations to design and print and address and mail.

All to say – that’s why my podcast is a couple of days late this week.

But it all worked out, because it just so happens that today, Wednesday, April 9th, is Winston Churchill Day. Did you know that?

It’s not his birthday or the day he died. Instead, today marks the 62nd anniversary of Churchill’s being made an honorary U.S. citizen.

So it seems fitting to spend a few minutes today reflecting on some of the words of wisdom for which this great statesman of Great Britain is so well known.

Apparently, Winston Churchill exercised the same dogged determination in love as he exhibited in war: Despite the pivotal role he played in WWII, he often boasted that his “most brilliant achievement” was persuading his wife to marry him. Isn’t that sweet? And humble?

When Churchill passed away at the age of 90, he and Clementine had been married 56 years.

So today I’m sharing a few of my favorite quotes from the British Bulldog. Had Winston Churchill been a marriage counselor rather than a Prime Minister, I imagine his marriage advice would have sounded something like this:

“The price of greatness is responsibility.”

Want a great marriage? Then don’t just twiddle your thumbs, waiting for your spouse to create it for you. Take responsibility. Take ownership. Do everything in your power to make your marriage the absolute best it can be.

I know a lot of wonderful single women – including several of my own daughters — who would absolutely love to be married. And I know a lot of widows who would love to have their husbands back at their side, alive and well.

So if God has given you a husband, steward that gift well. Love him. Appreciate him. Communicate respect to him. And build him up every chance you get.

Luke 12:48 puts it this way: “From everyone who has been given much, much will be required; and to whom they entrusted much, of him they will ask all the more.”

Churchill also said:

“The first quality that is needed is audacity.”

A great marriage requires bold risk-taking. It takes a hundred-percent, sold-out, do-or-die commitment. No holding back. No hedging your bets. You’ve got to give it your all, pouring body, soul, and spirit into making your relationship everything God intends for a marriage to be.

When you hesitate, waiting to see if things work out, holding back a reserve in case they don’t, those doubts can become a self-fulfilling prophesy. Instead, let’s love our spouse with abandon.

Romans 12:10 tells us “Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.” The ESV translates that last part, “Outdo one another in showing honor.”

It reminds me of a book I read recently called Unreasonable Hospitality by Will Guidara. (I’ll be sure to link that in the show notes.)  Subtitled, “the remarkable power of giving people more than they expect,” and it was about all the lavish ways the restaurant Eleven Madison Park found to serve people who came to eat at what was eventually earned the top Michelin star rating and was named the best restaurant in the world.

Don’t you want to serve your husband and family with that same kind of dedication? Can you imagine the ripple effect that kind of audacious love might have?

More of Churchill’s words of wisdom:

“Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.”

This is SO TRUE in every area of life, and marriage is no exception. Want a happy marriage? Cultivate a happy heart. Dwell on the positive. Be loving, patient, cheerful, kind, and quick to forgive.

As we discussed last week in Ep 78, your mindset matters. That’s why Phil 4:8 commands us, “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is anything excellent and if anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”

Another Churchill quote I love?

“We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.”

It seems to me this is one of those quotes I’ve seen attributed to multiple different sources, Winston Churchill being one of them (and maybe Abraham Lincoln being another? I don’t remember for sure, but let’s roll with it anyway:

Marriage is much more about making a life than making a living. When you focus on what you can GIVE rather than on what you can GET, you stand a better chance of making that life wonderful in every way.

Jesus tells us in Luke 6:38, “Give, and it will be given to you. They will pour into your lap a good measure—pressed down, shaken together, and running over. For by your standard of measure it will be measured to you in return.”

That’s the paradox of Christianity, “whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.”  The longer I live, the more convinced I become that you can’t outgive God. Again, that is true in life, and especially true in marriage.

Winston Churchill also quipped:

“‘No comment’ is a splendid expression. I am using it again and again.”

Don’t feel obligated to spout off everything that pops into your mind. Some things are better left unsaid. Be slow to speak, as James 1:19 tells us to do (“This you know, my beloved brethren. But let everyone be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger…”)

Weigh your words carefully. If you can think of nothing worthy to say, say nothing. Harlan Miller once said, “Often the difference between a successful marriage and a mediocre consists of leaving about three or four things a day unsaid.” I believe that with my whole heart!

Another astute observation made by Churchill:

“Kites rise highest against the wind – not with it.”

Do hardships send your marriage spiraling to the ground? Pressures spin you out of control? Stay anchored and work together as a team. You’ll rise above the buffeting winds and soar higher than you ever thought possible.

There are so many verses that underscore this truth:

“Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.” – James 1:2-3

“In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in various trials / so that the proven character of your faith—more precious than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory, and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.” – 1 Peter 1:6-7

“For our light and momentary affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory that is far beyond comparison.” – 2 Cor 4:17

“No discipline seems enjoyable at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it yields a harvest of righteousness and peace to those who have been trained by it.” – Hebrews 12:11

More great advice from the British Bulldog:

“If you’re going through hell, keep going.”

Push through your misery — don’t sit down and wallow in it. Just as the joy of holding a newborn follows the intense pain of childbirth, couples who pull together and work through their problems report feeling far happier and more deeply satisfied afterward than those who let difficulties drive them apart.

I don’t remember the exact numbers, but of couples who ranked their marriages as very unhappy yet stuck together anyway, the majority of them reported being extremely happy with that same partner just five years later. I’m pretty sure I originally read the statistic in one of Shanti Feldhahn’s books – maybe in The Good News about Marriage?

We are not alone in the valley. God is able to bring us out again on the other side. As Isaiah 41:10 tells us, “Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you; I will surely help you; I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.”

Then we can say with the Psalmist, “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.” -Psalm 23:4

Which brings me to my last Churchill quote and arguably his most famous:

“Never give in! Never give in! Never, never, never, never.”

This was Churchill’s strategy in dealing with the enemy during WWII. Let it be yours, as well. If your marriage is to survive, you must repel anything that would threaten to destroy it — “great or small, large or petty” — with unyielding tenacity.

Let’s draw encouragement from Phil 4:13, “I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”

Or Galatians 6:9, “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.”

Every marriage will face adversity sooner or later. How will you respond when it comes? Will you panic, throw up your hands in despair, and watch your marriage crumble before your eyes? Or will you do as Churchill urged and meet each new challenge with “intense vigilance and exertion,” doing all that is necessary to protect and preserve life on the home front?

Couldn’t your marriage use a dose of that kind of moxie? Don’t you want to channel the same tenacity Churchill displayed? The good news is, if you are in Christ, you already have all the resources you need to serve cheerfully, to stay committed, and to prevail against any and every attack the enemy launches at you!

Jesus promises in John 15:5, ““I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; [but] apart from me you can do nothing.”

More Tried and True Marriage Tips

The Word of God is full of wisdom for every facet of life, but we’ve found it especially helpful in building a happy, healthy marriage. For a fascinating look at how science has confirmed the superiority of God’s design, check out my book Love Your Husband, Love Yourself.

The post EP 79: Let’s Adopt a Winston Churchill Mindset in Marriage appeared first on Loving Life at Home.