Jennifer Flanders's Blog, page 5

My Top 10 Posts of 2024

In January every year, I like to look back and see which of my posts received the most traffic over the previous 12 months. Doing so helps me better understand what content most resonates with my readers. It also allows me to share my top 10 posts of 2024 with anyone who might be curious to spot the same kind of trends I’m looking for.

EP 71: The Power of Prayer

There is great power in prayer, and Christians should take care to never neglect this amazing privilege and vital discipline. That’s why God commands us to “pray without ceasing.” (1 Thess. 5:17)

What’s more, God will always answer our prayers — though not necessarily in the manner we hope or expect.

Listen in today as we discuss prayer on the podcast: what we should think about it and how we can cultivate a more vibrant, biblically-grounded prayer life.

Show NotesVERSES CITED:1 Thess. 5:17 – “Pray without ceasing.”Psalm 139:13-16 – “For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother’s ….”Matthew 9:35 – “Jesus went through…healing every disease and sickness.”John 9:39 – “…the blind will see and those who see will become blind.”Mark 2:9-12 – “Which is easier, to say to the paralytic, ‘Your sins are forgiven’; or…'”Isaiah 55:8-9 – “‘For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways….”John 9:2-3 – “Who sinned, this man or his parents, that he would be born blind?”James 5:14-15 – “Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders…”James 4:2 – “You have not because you ask not.”Matthew 7:7 – “Ask, and it shall be given to you; seek, and you shall find….”RELATED LINKS:Our Daily Lifeline – pray hardest when it’s hardest to prayA Good Reminder – if you pray only when you’re in trouble, you’re in troubleFree Printable Prayer Guides -a full listing of all the free prayer guides we offerThe Complete Collection – includes my prayer guides and other related resourcesThe Power of PrayerFull transcript for Episode 71

Hello, Friend. Welcome to Episode 71 of the Loving Life at Home Podcast. I’m so glad you’re here!

Today I want to discuss one of the most important disciplines a Christian can develop, but one that, sadly, is often neglected in the lives of believers – and especially so when everything seems to be going smoothly.

I’m sorry to say, that is true of me, as well. I do pray daily, no matter what else is going on in my life. But when things are going well, those prayers often lack the intensity or sense of urgency or depth of soul searching that they naturally take on when I or someone I love is in the middle of a hardship.

Have you ever heard the saying, “Pray hardest when it’s hardest to pray?” I don’t think this necessarily means we should pray hardest when we’re in the most trouble.

You see, most people find it pretty easy to pray when they need God to get them out of a tight spot. I know I do. Don’t you?

For me, this quote means that I need to pray hardest when I’m exhausted or excited or angry or anxious or annoyed or busy or behind or distracted.

Being busy. Distracted. Behind. Those last few are particularly hard ones for me.

That’s one reason it so inspires me to read the thoughts and perspectives of great prayer warriors like:

George Muller, who said: “Four hours of work after an hour of prayer will accomplish more than five hours of work without prayer.”Or Martin Luther, who wrote: “Work, work from early until late…. I have so much to do that I need to spend the first three hours in prayer.”Or Charles Haddon Spurgeon, who observed: “We should pray when we are in a praying mood, for it would be sinful to neglect so fair an opportunity. We should pray when we are not in a proper mood, for it would be dangerous to remain in so unhealthy a condition.”

For these men, prayer was a daily lifeline. And it should be for us, as well. As fitting and appropriate as it is to call upon God from the foxhole, prayer should really be our first and natural response in all of life’s circumstances:

When we’re awed by His works, we should praise Him.When we’re struck by His greatness, we should worship Him.When we’re encumbered by doubts, we should trust in Him.When we’re ensnared by sin, we should confess to Him.When we’re weary and careworn, we should lean on Him.When wisdom is needed, we should ask of Him.When brimming with joy, we should sing to Him.When weighed down with grief, we should cling to Him.When honored, we should magnify Him.When humbled, we should hide in Him.When burdened for the lost — as we all need to be — we should plead for His unfailing mercy.When blessed beyond measure — as each of us are — we should thank Him for His unmerited grace.

An attitude of constant prayer is a distinguishing mark of the mature Christian, which is why we are commanded to “pray without ceasing” (1 Thess. 5:17). I don’t know who said it, but it is definitely true: “If you pray only when you’re in trouble, you’re in trouble.”

Over the years, I’ve published more than three dozen free printable prayer guides. All the prayers are drawn straight from scripture and formatted in a visually appealing way.

I have prayers designed to help you intercede for your spouse, for your children, for your parents, for your friends, for your enemies (since praying for your enemies is exactly what Jesus commands us to do), for the sick, for the lost, and many more.

And I get requests all the time for new prayer guides. Just today, one reader sent me a message just today that said:

“I need special prayers for: Sisters, Brothers (Siblings), the Blind, and Special Needs Kids…”

Well, I’ll try to honor that request, just as I’ve honored many others. But I’d also like to make it clear that these free printable prayer guides are just meant to be a starting point. Prayer isn’t a one and done undertaking. I never intended my guides to be rote prayers you recite then abandon the conversation.

Because that’s what prayer is meant to be: a conversation. God speaks to us through His Word, and we answer back through prayer. And He wants that line of communication to remain open at all times, which is why He bids us to “pray without ceasing” or “pray continually.”

But, in addition to hearing from readers who want specific prayer guides I haven’t thought to create on my own, I sometimes hear from folks who take issue with something I’ve included in my prayers. Which always takes me aback, since I take great care to align my prayers with the clear teaching of scripture.

One such instance involves something I wrote in my prayer for an unborn baby. This prayer guide includes many of the things my husband and I earnestly prayed for all twelve of our children before they were born.

And, since we firmly believe it would be better never to be born, than to spend eternity separated from God, our fervent prayer that God would draw our children to faith from an early age took precedence over every other request — including prayers for our babies’ health.

Of course, God is the one who knits each baby together in its mother’s womb and watches over its every stage of development, as we read in Psalm 139:13-16. So, in the section on health, I suggested parents should pray that, if it please God, He would give their child good health and a strong body.

And that is the phrase my reader took issue with. She wrote:

You said “If it would please him, God would give your child good health.” THAT IS UTTERLY AND ABSOLUTELY WRONG STATEMENT! (sic) JESUS died to take away our diseases and sickness away… IT IS HIS WILL TO GIVE GOOD HEALTH TO EVERYONE!

She said a few more things in addition to that, but the crux of all her arguments was that God does not intend for any of us to be sick and that, if we all had sufficient faith, we could all enjoy perfect health.

While I agree that God does ultimately intend to bring an end to all sickness and disease — and to death, as well — the Bible teaches that His primary concern is our spiritual health.

It was our sin that sent Jesus to the cross, not our physical infirmities.

To be sure, Jesus cured all manner of sickness and disease while He was on earth. He made the lame to walk, the deaf to hear, and the blind to see, as we read in Matthew 9:35 and John 9:39.

But He also forgave sin, which — as is made clear in several of these passages — He considers the weightier, more pressing issue. He asks the pharisees in Mark 2:9-12,

“Which is easier, to say to the paralytic, ‘Your sins are forgiven’; or to say, ‘Get up, and pick up your pallet and walk’? But so that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins”—He said to the paralytic, “I say to you, get up, pick up your pallet and go home.” And he got up and immediately picked up the pallet and went out in the sight of everyone, so that they were all amazed and were glorifying God, saying, “We have never seen anything like this.”

Does God still have the power to heal? Absolutely He does!

Does He always choose to exercise that power on our behalf? No, He obviously doesn’t — even when we pray earnestly for Him to do so.

Why is that? We can only guess. His thoughts are higher than our thoughts and His ways higher than our ways, as Isaiah 55:8-9 reminds us.

Do you remember what the disciples asked Jesus when they saw the blind man in John 9:2?” They wanted to know, “Who sinned, this man or his parents, that he would be born blind?” They assumed the blindness must be some kind of punishment from God.

But what was Jesus’s response? ““It was not because of his sins or his parents’ sins,” Jesus told them. “This happened so the power of God could be seen in him.” (John 9:3)

You see, God had a purpose for that man’s affliction that went far beyond those disciples’ understanding.

Well, that’s a very timely reminder for me, since I recently found out I have breast cancer. Of course, I’d certainly love for God to heal me completely from that so that I don’t ever even have to think about surgery or radiation or chemo, much less endure it.

When I first received the diagnosis, my husband gathered the children around me, anointed my head with oil, and then asked our pastor to come pray over me, too, per the instructions given in James 5:14-15, which reads,

“Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord; and the prayer offered in faith will restore the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up, and if he has committed sins, they will be forgiven him. Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another, so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.”

Interestingly, most of the prayers that were offered up for me in the days immediately following my diagnosis were asking God to give me peace, to calm my fears, to let me feel His presence, to give my doctors wisdom, and to keep the cancer from spreading beyond my lymph nodes.

All important prayers, to be sure, and prayers that God has been so very kind and faithful to answer – although I won’t know for sure about the last one until after my upcoming MRI. ( It was originally scheduled for January 9 but just got moved up to tomorrow, so continued prayers appreciated for that )

However, my husband has been reading the book of Acts lately and began to feel convicted that he should be praying not just for peace and strength and wisdom, but for my complete healing, as well. After all, James 4:2 tells us “You have not because you ask not.”

So yesterday, Doug asked all the children once again to join him in laying their hands on me and praying for my complete healing.

I think sometimes we are hesitant to give voice to such prayers – to say them out loud — even if that’s the cry of our innermost heart, because we don’t want to get anybody’s hopes up (including our own) only to be disappointed. Or we fear that we will somehow diminish God in the eyes of our loved ones if we make a request that He doesn’t grant.

But Jesus said, “Ask, and it shall be given to you; seek, and you shall find; knock, and it shall be opened to you.” (Matthew 7:7)

I deeply appreciate all the prayers being offered up on my behalf. I’ve heard from so many friends and family members and blog readers and podcast listeners and Instagram followers that they are praying for me and putting me on prayer lists and sharing my situation with their Sunday School classes and prayer teams and coworkers. It means so much to me.

But those bold prayers my husband and children prayed over me yesterday will always have a special place in my heart.

And the wonderful thing is that, no matter what the outcome, God will have answered our prayers and granted me the desire of my heart.

If, miraculously, they scan my breasts and find my tumors have shriveled up and disappeared– praise God! He will have answered these most recent prayers and healed me of cancer.

If the scan shows the tumors have grown and inoperably metastasized to all my vital organs, then there’s a good chance God is going to grant another prayer I’ve been praying for years – that He would take me home early rather than letting me live long enough to dishonor Him.

It is always so sad to me to read of great men of faith that go off the rails in their old age, like Solomon, who was considered the wisest man who ever lived. Yet in his later years, he abandoned the LORD and worshipped idols. Which is so sad.

And Solomon’s fall wasn’t an isolated case. It seems to be a recurring theme throughout the ages. I could list many examples – both historical and contemporary – of believers who were at one time very devout, very on fire for Jesus, very outspoken pillars of faith, but who eventually grew cold or turned away or denied the very God they’d spent so many years serving and proclaiming to others.

I NEVER want that to be my testimony! And for years I’ve told my children that, even if God takes me home early, if I remain faithful to the very end, they should be grateful to know He answered this most earnest prayer of my heart.

Of course, that’s the opposite extreme from complete healing – although in heaven, I’ll get the benefit of both – so there’s that to look forward to, as well.

But, barring a miraculous physical healing in this life or a more rapidly impending death than expected, then I’m probably looking at having to endure the same kind of treatment countless other women with breast cancer have dealt with before me: lots more tests, surgery, hormone therapy, radiation, chemotherapy, or some combination of any or all of the above.

Yet, even in that case, God will still be answering one of my most earnest prayers – and that is that He would allow and enable me to live out my faith before others – and especially before my children — in such a compelling way that it would bolster their own faith.

Well, I’ve enjoyed what many would consider – including myself — a very blessed life so far. There have been ups and downs, to be sure, but overall, I feel like God has graciously kept me snug and secure in the palm of His hand and has mercifully spared me many of the difficulties I’ve watched friends and family members go through.

But, sadly, a comfortable, care-free, easy life is not normally what draws one closer to God nor sinks one’s roots most deeply into His Word. A lot of times, it isn’t until a fierce storm hits that all the extraneous fluff and trappings and distractions finally get stripped away and our attention becomes laser-focused on what truly matters – which, first and foremost for me, is my relationship to God, my faith in His Word, my reliance on His strength, and my testimony to those who know me.

I want others – and especially my own kids and grandkids – to know that not only do I trust God completely and affirm His goodness through every tempest and trial He sends my way, but that they can do the same – and SHOULD do the same.

And if watching my example through a difficult season of life can make it easier for them to weather their own storms and overcome their own struggles and carry their own cross with the same kind of unwavering faith in God that MOM has? Then whatever suffering may lie ahead of me will be worth it, a thousand times over.

That’s all I’ve got for now. Lord willing, I’ll be back again next Monday with another episode. I hope you’ll join me then.

The post EP 71: The Power of Prayer appeared first on Loving Life at Home.

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Published on December 31, 2024 07:20

EP 70: Unwrapping Cancer for Christmas

This year, I got an early Christmas “gift” that was a far cry from what any woman would hope for. I got a breast cancer diagnosis. And I’ve been unwrapping it all week. So today, I’m sharing the thoughts that have encouraged me, in hopes that they might give others hope who find themselves dealing with similarly difficult situations over the holidays or during any other season of life.

Show NotesVERSES CITED:Colossians 1:16-17 – “For by Him all things were created, both in the heavens and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things have been created by Him and for Him. And He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together.”John 10:28-29 – “I give them eternal life, and they will never perish. No one can snatch them out of My hand. / My Father who has given them to Me is greater than all. No one can snatch them out of My Father’s hand.”Romans 8:28 – “And we know that God works all things together for the good of those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose.”Proverbs 24:5 – “The wise prevail through great power, and those who have knowledge muster their strength.”Proverbs 24:6 – “Only with sound guidance should you wage war, and victory lies in a multitude of counselors.”Matthew 6:34 – “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”Philippians 4:7 – “And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”Psalm 139:16 – “Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; And in Your book were all written The days that were ordained for me, When as yet there was not one of them.”Ephesians 2:10 – “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”Psalm 90:12 – “So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts to wisdom.”Psalm 127:2 – “It is vain for you to rise up early, To retire late, To eat the bread of painful labors; For He gives to His beloved even in his sleep.”RELATED LINKS: Suffering by Paul David Tripp“Leaning on the Everlasting Arms”“How Firm a Foundation”

Unwrapping Cancer for Christmasfull Transcript for Episode 70

Hello, Friend.

Welcome to Episode 70 of Loving Life at Home.

Christmas is only two days away, so for this week’s topic, I want to discuss Christmas gifts – especially the kind of gift you sometimes get that you’d never put on a wish list.

The kind that, when you unwrap it, you have to glue a smile on your face as you say, “Oh… thank you…. You shouldn’t have!” By which you really mean, “I wish you wouldn’t have.”

Have you ever received a gift like that?

My husband gave me such a gift right after the first of our 12 children was born. It was a beautiful but very impractical dress.

It had a high neck that buttoned up the back (so it would be impossible to breastfeed in discreetly). It had a very wide, close-fitting waist (which meant it wouldn’t fit at all during pregnancy or early post-partum). It had suede accents on the collar, cuffs, and waistband (which meant the dress would have to be dry cleaned only and would likely be ruined the first time baby spit up on me or had a diaper blow out). And it also carried a $100 price tag (which was a lot of money back then, especially as we were living on school loans at the time).

Honestly, the dress was very pretty, and if Doug had spotted it for a couple of bucks at a garage sale, it would probably still be hanging in my closet. But spending a hundred dollars on a dress I would seldom wear was an unwelcome extravagance at that stage of my life, so I convinced my husband to take the dress back and use the money to buy me something I would get a lot more pleasure and use out of: an electric band saw!

Well, this year, I got an early Christmas “gift” that was a far cry from what any woman would hope for. I got a breast cancer diagnosis.

It didn’t come from my husband; it came from my Father – my heavenly Father. From God. Or, at the very least, it passed through His hand before it was allowed to touch me.

And as much as I might love to send it back or exchange it for something more to my liking, I’m stuck with it for the time being.

I’ve heard from people who would know that a cancer diagnosis brings on a fresh kind of grief all its own. And some of my friends who’ve been through it experienced all five stages of grief we read about in school: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance.

My diagnosis is new, so maybe some of those feeling are still forthcoming for me. But my initial responses haven’t followed that trajectory at all.

Instead, I’ve spent the week alternately…

Crying Uncontrollably,
Asking Lots of Questions,
Notifying Loved Ones,
Coordinating Medical Appointments,
Entrusting My Future to God, and
Resting | Recuperating | Redeeming the Time.

So, just in case you are dealing with a similar unwished-for “gift” or end up receiving such a gift in the future, I want to walk you through my thought-processes in all these areas, while confidently offering encouragement that God is still in control. No hardship we face will ever take Him by surprise or catch Him off-guard.

And, because I love acrostics, you’ll notice the first letters of these responses spell out cancer…. C-A-N-C-E-R. So let’s start with the first C, which is for

Crying Uncontrollably

No matter how firm your faith in God or how well you know the truth or how hard you try not to cry, don’t be surprised if the tears flow freely and unbidden when you receive the news you have cancer.

We are emotional creatures. God created us that way. And that capacity to feel emotion is part of what makes us human.

But there’s a big difference between feeling emotional and letting those emotional feelings fully dictate your response to whatever circumstance you’re currently facing.

You have NO CONTROL over what kind of feelings immediately sweep over you in a crisis, but you do get to determine how much weight you’re gonna give those feelings in your decision-making process. After all, feelings come and go. Facts remain the same.

As for me, I want to base my thoughts and actions and responses on what I know to be right and true and good – not on how I might be feeling in the moment.

So even though I’ve shed a lot of tears at inconvenient times this past week, I keep preaching to myself the truth of God’s Word:

First, that God is in control

“For by Him all things were created, both in the heavens and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things have been created by Him and for Him. And He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together.” (Colossians 1:16-17)

Second, that no trouble can befall me without first passing through His hand

“I give them eternal life, and they will never perish. No one can snatch them out of My hand. / My Father who has given them to Me is greater than all. No one can snatch them out of My Father’s hand.” (John 10:28-29)

And third, that God will use this cancer diagnosis for my growth and His glory

“And we know that God works all things together for the good of those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose.” (Romans 8:28)

The A in CANCER stands for

Asking Lots of Questions

I know all those unbidden tears can sometimes make it hard to communicate, but if you have worries or concerns or fears about your diagnosis or treatment, don’t keep those bottled up inside. Voice them.

Knowledge is power. Proverbs 24:5 tells us,

“The wise prevail through great power, and those who have knowledge muster their strength.” (Proverbs 24:5)

The better you understand what is going on in your body – with regards to cancer or any other ailment you may be dealing with – the better equipped you will be to make the necessary decisions.

Also, the team caring for you are used to answering patient questions. Whatever your concern might be, they’ve likely heard it many, many times before and will be able to address it clearly and concisely.

My doctors sent me home with all sorts of handouts explaining every little facet of what I wanted to know – which was great, because I could read through all that information at my leisure and not have to keep talking when my voice was so shaking and my emotions so raw. And they also gave me information on local support groups so I’d be able to talk to others who’ve already traveled down the path I’m just now started – which, as it happens, I already have several women in my life who fit that description, including my own sister, so I have a good network already in place of friends and family members who’ve beaten breast cancer and can advise me, as well.

Which is great, since breast cancer is a battle, and Proverbs 24:6 tells us, “Only with sound guidance should you wage war, and victory lies in a multitude of counselors.”

But if you are facing a cancer diagnosis and don’t have any family or friends who’ve undergone treatment before you and you have concerns that aren’t addressed in any pre-printed brochures, then by all means, talk to your doctor about those concerns and don’t be afraid to ask her to break down anything in her answer that you don’t understand.

Next in my CANCER acrostic is N for

Notifying Loved Ones

I didn’t tell my kids when I first found the lump in my lymph node, because I didn’t want to upset them unnecessarily. I have a couple of daughters who are especially prone to worry and anxiety, and I didn’t want to add this concern to their already full plates.

But once we knew a little more about what we were dealing with, I had my husband send out word via our family chat, so that everyone would be praying for me as I went in for procedures.

And, just as expected, the news upset many of them more than it did me. Which is often the case. In many ways, it’s easier to deal with a health crisis yourself than to watch someone you love struggle with it.

Yet all the prayers and the outpouring of love and support I received after sharing the news with family and friends and podcast listeners and newsletter subscribers has been such a blessing to me and something I deeply appreciate. So thank you for that.

Next up is the second C in CANCER, which stands for

Coordinating Medical Appointments

It looks like there will likely be a lot of back-and-forth to the hospital in the coming months, so be prepared for that. Be prepared to clear your calendar – or at least shift things around a bit — to accommodate whatever treatment plan you decide on.

I ended up spending three consecutive afternoons at the medical center last week – and that was just for diagnostic procedures.

By the way, I was really dreading the needle biopsies, but they really weren’t that bad or even very painful. They caused a little bruising, but that’s to be expected. Really, the thing that has been most bothersome is not the tiny little incision sites or the resultant tenderness, but two little places on my skin where the gauze tape irritated it. That burns a little bit, but I was pleasantly surprised by how little pain I felt during or after the procedure.

My doctor biopsied the lymph node using ultrasound, but ended up having to use mammography to biopsy the actual breast tumor, since it was too small to find any other way. The care team even volunteered to skip lunch in order to squeeze me in – literally and figuratively – so that I wouldn’t have to wait until January 8 for the next available appointment, which was such a merciful kindness that it started the tears flowing again.

Right now, I’m in the hurry-up-and-wait stage. Results from one of those biopsies just came in this morning. I’m still waiting on the breast biopsy, but the lymph node biopsy indicates I have invasive ductile carcinoma, which my doctor thinks is slow-growing and should be very responsive to therapy.

So now I’m waiting on an MRI to see if anything has spread beyond my lymph nodes, and it will be another week or so before we get any results back from the DNA testing. I’m not sure what comes next after that, but we’ll cross that bridge when we come through it. There’s no use worrying about it today.

In fact, I would be disobeying a direct command if I gave into worry, as Jesus tells us flat out in Matthew 6:34,

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” (Matt. 6:34)

Which brings me to the E in my CANCER acrostic, which stands for

Entrusting My Future to God

He is the blessed controller of all things. I don’t know what tomorrow holds, but He does and He’s promised to walk with me through it, which is all I need to know to have the peace that transcends all understanding, as described in Philippians 4:7.

One of my listeners sent me a recommendation last week for a book called Suffering by Paul David Tripp, which I bought and started reading immediately. Something he wrote in the first or second chapter really resonated with me: He noted that “Suffering has the power to expose what you have been trusting all along. If you lose your hope when your physical body fails, maybe your hope wasn’t really in your Savior after all.”

Well, just for the record, I haven’t lost hope. Not one bit. Jesus is my Rock, and my feet are firmly rooted in Him.

As Elisha Hoffman wrote in one of our family’s favorite hymns,

What have I to dread, what have I to fear,
Leaning on the everlasting arms?
I have blessed peace with my Lord so near,
Leaning on the everlasting arms.

Leaning, leaning,
Safe and secure from all alarms;
Leaning, leaning,
Leaning on the everlasting arms.

Or, another hymn that has been a comfort to us through many a dark time has been “How Firm a Foundation.” I especially love the last two verses:

When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie,
My grace, all-sufficient, shall be thy supply;
The flame shall not harm thee; I only design
Thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine.

“The soul that on Jesus doth lean for repose,
I will not, I will not, desert to his foes;
That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
I’ll never, no never, no never forsake.”

The point is, whether cancer is a just a small blip on the screen of a long and productive life or it’s the door I must walk through to reach eternity, I know God recorded in His book the days that were ordained for me before any of them came into being, as we’re told in Psalm 139:16. The same goes for the good works He prepared in advance for me to do, as noted in Ephesians 2:10.

Which means, as I keep assuring my children, we needn’t worry that I’ll be taken before my time. As long as God has important work for me to do on this earth, He is fully capable of preserving my life so that I can accomplish it. And once that work is complete? Then He will take me home, but not a minute before.

The same is true for all who put their hope and trust in Christ Jesus, which I hope and pray is your testimony too.

Last but not least, the R in CANCER stands for…

Resting | Recuperating | Redeeming the Time

Recuperating is a necessary step whenever you face illness of any kind. But those other two Rs, Resting and Redeeming the Time, can sometimes feel at odds, and a CANCER diagnosis has a good way of reminding you to strike a balance between the two.

On the one hand, we have verses like Psalm 90:12,

“So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts to wisdom.”

On the other hand, we have Psalm 1:27:2 which tells us,

"It is vain for you to rise up early, to stay up late, to eat the bread of painful labors, for He gives to His beloved even in his sleep."

We do want to use our time wisely and to redeem the time that we have left on this earth, but we don’t want to do it at the expense of our health and well being.

God gave a season for everything, a season for work and a season for rest. He commands us to rest, to remember the Sabbath, to keep it holy. He rested from his labor not because He needed it, but because He was setting an example for us.

And so that is what I’m trying to do myself right now as we celebrate again the fact that Jesus came and paid the price for us so that we could enter into His eternal rest in heaven with Him.

And I pray as we celebrate Christmas this week that you will receive that gift of faith and forgiveness and salvation from the hand of a good Father, if you haven’t already done so.

Have a very Merry Christmas, and I’ll talk to you again next week.

The post EP 70: Unwrapping Cancer for Christmas appeared first on Loving Life at Home.

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Published on December 24, 2024 08:01

EP 69: When Things Don’t Go As Planned

The best laid plans sometimes go awry. How should we respond when that happens? That’s what we’re discussing on Loving Life at Home this week: What should one do when things don’t go as planned?

Show NotesVERSES CITED:Proverbs 16:9 – “The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.” Matt 10:29-31 – “Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care….”James 4:13-15 – “Come now, you who say, ‘Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, and spend a year there and engage in business and make a profit.’ Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow….’” Philippians 2:4 – “Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.”Proverbs 17:22 – “A joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones.” Philippians 2:3 – “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility consider one another as more important than yourselves.”1 Thessalonians 5:8-24 – “But since we are of the day, let’s be sober, having put on the breastplate of faith and love, and as a helmet, the hope of salvation….”RELATED LINKS:Episode 23: A Hill Country Christmas Thai Lucky Sushi Bar Yanaguana Gardens & Playground Pioneer Museum of Fredricksburg FBC Mainstreet Bethlehem in Burnet, TX

What to Do When Plans Go AwryComplete Transcript for Episode 69

Hello, friend. And welcome to episode 69 of Loving Life at Home. Today’s topic? When Things Don’t Go Like You Planned

This is a lesson I’ve been relearning myself lately, which is part of the reason I haven’t dropped a new episode of this podcast in the last couple of weeks.

Of course, I know so many folks are so very busy this time of year, I didn’t really think anybody would notice if I missed a week or three. But gues what? Somebody did notice! And I got the sweetest email from her on Saturday. She writes:

Hello, Jennifer.

I found your podcast this fall during a difficult season of transition….

I’m a motherless mother and have had to carve my own path out in life, motherhood and marriage. It’s been lonely and overwhelming pretty regularly and I have been praying for God to help me through.

The Lord answers prayers and He has been showing me wonderful playlists and podcasts to encourage me.

Your podcast has been the biggest blessing of them all and I listen to every single episode. I’ve printed various printables from your website and am implementing them, to my sanity’s saving Grace! Ha Ha!

… I decided to bake some Christmas cookies this evening and plug into some edifying stuff to uplift my mood. Immediately I went to your podcast!

That’s when I noticed you hadn’t dropped a new episode for a bit and I just wanted to check on you. Your podcast is such a blessing to me and my walk as a Christian wife and mom.

I’m literally out here paving my own way without a mother, any female mentors or even a general maternal influence. It’s been really wonderful to finally have such a love and Faith filled influence in my life through your stories and advice.

If you’re simply taking a holiday break, I will feel so relieved when I see the next episode drop. LOL

If you have fallen ill, I pray for a swift recovery and for you to have had plenty of rest. If you’re scaling back to enjoy your family then I pray the Holy Spirit floods your home and your families interactions with one another so you may all soak up the love you’ve so beautifully cultivated.

Thank you for all of the time and energy you have put into sharing your warmth and wisdom. You are a true blessing.

Well, as you might imagine, that email just made my day. Words of encouragement are my love language, as are prayers offered up to God on my behalf, and this young mother’s sweet message filled my cup to overflowing. So—if you are listening– thank you for that.

As it happens, every one of this young mom’s conjectures as to why I hadn’t posted on my normal weekly schedule were true.

Although I hadn’t planned to take a holiday break, that is what happened. As for being sick, I feel great, but just before Thanksgiving, I did discover a suspicious lump in a lymph node under my arm which I hope to have checked out this week, so I’d appreciate continued prayer concerning that. And I’ve also been spending a lot of time with family, as we just returned from our annual, week-long trip to San Antonio…

If you want to know how our San Antonio trips usually go, you can find details for all the fun, free things our family does there in Episode 23 of this podcast under the name “A Hill Country Christmas.”

Normally, at the top of every vacation itinerary I publish is a note that reads “all details subject to change without notice” in deference to Proverbs 16:9, which tells us:

“The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.”

However, this year, we deviated from our plan far more than we ever have before and for reasons that were entirely unexpected, starting the day before we ever left when my 2-year-old grandson, who was supposed to be napping at a relative’s house, instead used that time to explore his new surroundings. But, of course, he did it very quietly, so nobody would suspect. And while digging around in places that would’ve better been left alone, my grandson found – and swallowed – some medication that wasn’t stored in a sufficiently childproof container.

To be honest, his own father did something similar around the same age when he found a year’s supply of heart worm medicine for our dog – which I thought was safely tucked away in the pet supply box on a high shelf in our garage – but he found it, anyway, and managed to open and eat every single one of about 10 individually wrapped tablets… tablets that required a pair of scissors for me to get out of their protective plastic sleeves. Yet that protective wrap didn’t seem to deter my two-year-old a bit.

In his case, when I called Poison Control, they just laughed and told me, “Well, at least your son won’t be getting heartworms anytime soon.” Thankfully, the dog’s meds were evidently harmless to people – including determined toddlers who’ll put anything in their mouth.

Sadly, that wasn’t the case for our grandson with the meds he ingested. Nope. He ended up having to be sedated, intubated, and flown to Dallas in a helicopter, instead. Praise be to our merciful God, he pulled through and seems to be doing great now with no lasting adverse effects. But the situation felt very touch-and-go for a few days there.

Anyway, that whole unexpected crisis caused him and his parents to miss our family’s annual Christmas trip entirely, and it delayed the time of departure for the rest of us.

Then, the day after the majority of us arrived in San Antonio, we got a call from our oldest daughter, Bethany, who was driving down to meet us when her car broke down right outside of Fredricksburg (which was convenient in the sense that we had planned to spend the day there anyway, climbing Enchanted Rock, visiting the quaint little shops along Main Street, eating German food, and touring the local pioneer museum (which offers free admission on the first Saturday of every month).

But it was inconvenient as far as towing companies were concerned – at least the first one we called, who kept us waiting for three hours despite multiple assurances from AAA that they’d be there in [another] hour. Finally, we gave up and called a different service man who left a warm house and a close game to come rescue us in the rain. But that sidetracked most of my plans for that day, too.

And then we missed a scheduled tour of the San Antonio Shoe factory because a young girl who was following too close, driving too fast, and not paying attention plowed into us when my husband slowed down to make a turn, and we had to wait for the police to show up and file a report.

Several other things come up during the week, as well, which forced us to be flexible and adjust our plans.

The entire escapade reminded me of something Kurt Vonegut once said: “Unexpected travel plans are dancing lessons from God.” Well, I wouldn’t say any of us have mastered the fox trot or tango or macarena or whatever dance God’s been trying to teach us, but we’ve certainly gotten a lot of first-hand instruction lately!

Which is why today I’d like to discuss a good strategy for how to respond when your best-laid plans don’t materialize.

1 – Hold onto your faith

Maybe things aren’t going according to YOUR plans, but remember: God is still in control.

Matt 10:29-31 tells us, “Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.”

Whatever you are going through right now, God sees. He knows. None of it has taken Him by surprise. But If you love the Lord and have placed your full hope and trust in Him, then He promises to be right there, in your midst, working all things together for your good and His glory, as we read in Romans 8:28.

2 – Look on the bright side

One of the things that had me feeling a little sad about this trip is the fact that my husband sold our 12-passenger van earlier this year, and this was the first time we’ve gone that all our kids – or at least the ones still living at home — weren’t able to fit into one vehicle for the drive down.

So five of them were packed into my son’s car, and for most of our time on the road, it was just me and Doug and my mother alone in the truck. So I was getting an early taste of what an empty nest may feel like.

However, as my mother was so good to point out to me, it ended up being a good thing we weren’t all in one car, because that allowed the three of us to deal with tow trucks and police reports without ruining everyone else’s time. As it was, we talked and told stories and listened to audiobooks and addressed Christmas cards and did some needlework and made all kinds of productive use of out of the waiting time, while everybody else continued on without us. So that really was a blessing for all involved – especially all those littles in car seats who would’ve been going absolutely bonkers sitting on the side of the road in a rainstorm.

The thing is, when we count our blessings instead of wallowing in our disappointments, it makes the experience much more pleasant for everyone involved.

3 – Be flexible

Obviously, I think there is prudence in planning ahead, which is why I do it. But you can’t get married to those plans – you’ve got to hold them with an open hand, which is exactly what James 4:13-15 tells us to do:

“Come now, you who say, ‘Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, and spend a year there and engage in business and make a profit.’ Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow. For you are just a vapor that appears for a little while, and then vanishes away. Instead, you ought to say, ‘If the Lord wills, we will live and also do this or that.’”

I have a friend whose young son – many, many years ago — spent several weeks mapping out exactly how he wanted his birthday party to pan out, right down to the minutest detail. But then, when his oblivious little party guests showed up and didn’t behave precisely the way the birthday boy had envisioned, it ruined the entire party for him. He was so distraught, in fact, that I think he spent most of the afternoon sobbing in his room. He couldn’t enjoy the many fun things that did happen at the party, because he couldn’t let go of his own preferences and embrace a plan that took the needs and interests of others into account.

Well, that was a great object lesson for all of us, and one I’ve often reflected on over the years. Learning how to graciously pivot from what you’d hoped would happen to the reality in which you find yourself is such a useful skill.

And it’s one that dovetails nicely with Philippians 2: 4, “do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.”

So, when you have to rearrange plans or cut one outing short because little ones need naps or pregnant mamas need food or adventurers took longer than expected exploring that cave, you can do so with no hard feelings, because your itinerary isn’t set in stone – it’s just a guideline to follow if circumstances allow it. (And if you can’t fit something in this trip, you can always try again next year.)

4 – Maintain a sense of humor

closely related to looking for silver linings. Prov 17:22 tells us “A joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones.” I didn’t fully appreciate what a great stress reliever a good sense of humor can be until I married my husband. A house full of laughter is a continual feast and makes it so easy to rejoice always.

And fortunately, most of my children have inherited their father’s great sense of humor and superb timing, which was demonstrated over lunch one day when we were having a late lunch at the Lucky Thai Sushi Bar. Most of us love this place, and we try to eat there every time we go to San Antonio, because it is walking distance to Yanaguana Gardens & Playground and La Vallita and the River Walk, and there’s inexpensive parking right next to the restaurant.

So, on this particular day, we’d had to ditch our morning plans, and decided to drive straight to the restaurant. Now we had taken three of our older grandkids on the trip with us because their parents had to work. So, theoretically, we were in charge of them.

But I usually bring crafts to keep all the little ones occupied at restaurants so they won’t be tempted to squirm or run around or make a lot of noise while we’re waiting for our food to arrive, which can take a long time for the size group we usually have. But I was so distracted with the younger grandkids that I hadn’t paid attention to what the older grandkids were ordering.

And, also, you should know that my sweet, generous husband is bit of a pushover when kids or grandkids want to order sodas or sweet tea– things I would normally say no to, because (1) water is much better for them and (2) it’s free. When you have a group of 25-30 people eating together, you could easily add an extra $100 or more to your tab by allowing everyone to order off the drink menu.

My kids know this and normally cooperate, but the grandkids sometimes need a reminder, which I normally provide before we ever leave home. I’ll sit them down and say, “Remember now, we are going to drink water only at every meal. Do not even ask grandpa about getting anything else. I’ll buy everybody a soda the day we tour San Antonio Shoes, because you can get them there for only 5-cents.”

But between having one grandbaby in the hospital and the fact that those grandkids were traveling in a different car, I kept forgetting to remind them and they were going hog wild on the sugary drinks every time I turned around.

But rather than making a big deal out of it at the restaurant, I kept writing myself a mental note to discuss it with them back at the Airbnb, but then something else would come up and I’d forget again.

So, that day at the Thai restaurant, I was helping the little ones with their crafts, and not paying attention to what the older kids were ordering, and realized too late that they’d gotten something besides water again, and then, when everyone was finished with their meals, and the little ones were reaching their limit, and we were ready to head to the playground, and my husband was trying to settle our tab, one of our grandkids says, “Wait! I haven’t gotten the ice cream I ordered yet.”

Come to find out, grandpa had given him permission to get dessert, but what grandpa didn’t know, but came out after a little more discussion, was the fact that ice cream—and some sort of specialty tea— was ALL this grandchild had ordered. He didn’t get a meal.

So now, not only am I exasperated – especially since this particular grandchild did the same thing two days earlier – skipped lunch and only got a drink and dessert — then starts complaining that he’s famished about 30 minutes later. But now granddad is upset, as well, and begins laying down the law right there in front of God and everybody.

Which might have turned a wonderfully pleasant lunch into a bad memory for everybody had my quick-witted son Benjamin started quoting a line from Cheaper by the Dozen:

“One big, happy family? Okay, I’m calling Oprah’s people right now. She does NOT want to come down here.”

Which sent me into a fit of laughter and immediately lightened the spirit. That ability to find the humor in a tense or stressful situation and laugh at yourself will go a long way toward helping you make the best of things when your plans go awry.

5 – Practice Patience

Always a good idea. Not just for family vacations… or picky eaters or pokey tow trucks.

Here again, a shift in perspective can help.

One day in San Antonio, I was riding in the car with my daughter when an older man raced up behind us, laid on his horn, then whipped his car around ours, making a face as he passed, and nearly clipped our headlight as he cut in front of us and sped ahead, leaving us in the trail of his exhaust fumes.

Well, my daughter honked back at him in response, much to the chagrin of her mother and grandmother who was also in the car with her at the time.

So I told her she should only use the horn to avoid an accident – like if an 18-wheeler doesn’t see you next to him and starts coming over into your lane. Or the car ahead of you tries to back up at an intersection and you need to let them know you are there.

But you shouldn’t use your horn just to express disapproval. That’s a good way to get shot. Road rage is a real thing. The guy who cut her off was already upset, and honking at him when he was already 200 feet ahead would only compound an already stressful situation.

Plus, you really don’t know what might be going through that man’s mind. My daughter was assuming he was just a jerk who did what he did intentionally.

But he might also have been an unstable psychopath with a gun in his glovebox who was just looking for a reason to use it. One of my husband’s friends in high school was shot and killed by an elderly man who thought he was playing his music too loud.

Or maybe that driver had a two-year-old grandson in the backseat who’d gotten into HIS medicine cabinet, and he was frantically trying to get to the hospital for medical help.

The fact is, we don’t know what the man’s story is. But we can be sure he has one. And sometimes, just realizing that is the case can help us exercise a little more patience and extend a little more grace to the people around us.

6 – Show appreciation to others

This principle is especially helpful when folks are under stress. Gratitude goes a long way toward restoring balance and giving much needed perspective.

Notice I didn’t say: “Make sure others give you the appreciation you deserve.” No, that is something over which you have little if any control. Instead, I said, “show appreciation to others.”

The nice thing about that is, others can mean anybody: The guy who pulled himself away from a ball game long enough to tow your daughter’s car to a city an hour and a half away. The son who bought everybody’s lunch after church on Sunday. The waitress who sent you home with two extra loaves of hot, fresh pumpernickel. The daughter who brought gingerbread making supplies for the grandkids to enjoy (even though that was another item on the itinerary that didn’t pan out in the end). The son who coordinated a sunrise hike at Enchanted Rock. The daughter-in-law who hosted us all for dinner and made two varieties of chili to accommodate the vegetarians among us. Or the husband who comes home from 24-hour call and immediately launches into washing laundry.

This was a test I failed over Thanksgiving, by the way. My husband’s parents were here for six days, three of which my husband spent working at the hospital. So while he was gone, I held down the fort and entertained the in-laws, cooking meals, chauffeuring them back and forth to their hotel, and washing a mountain of dishes at least three times a day.

We had 49 mouths to feed on Thanksgiving Day. Of course, the kids pitched in to help, as did my husband when he was home, but it was still a lot of work.

But then, on Saturday afternoon when Doug was home between calls, I overheard him saying something to his folks in the next room that insinuated if he didn’t do laundry and dishes on his days off, the soiled clothes and dirty dishes would be stacked up to our eyeballs.

Well, the fact is, Doug does do the lion’s share of the laundry at our house, and he helps a lot in the kitchen, as well. But instead of walking into the room where they were gathered and happily acknowledging that fact and even bragging to his parents about what a hardworking and thoughtful son they raised, and telling them what a wonderful blessing he is to our entire family – like I should’ve done – I got my feelings hurt.

So I yelled at him incredulously from the kitchen: “Did you just tell your parents if you didn’t do the chores, they’d never get done at all?”

You see, in that moment, I was more interested in receiving some appreciation than in giving it. But that is not the attitude Christ demands of me. His Word tells us, “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility consider one another as more important than yourselves.”

That’s where I failed.

The chances are excellent that, if I had followed Christ’s example, I not only would’ve experienced the joy that comes with obedience, but I likely would’ve received the affirmation my heart was craving, as well. My husband has always been very generous with his praise for me. If I had come into the room singing his praises to his parents, I suspect he would’ve deflected a lot of it right back toward me.

But, even if he didn’t, everybody within earshot knew Doug was speaking hyperbolically. They’d been at home to see how hard I was working in his absence. And they understood the fact that we were both a little stressed by the time this conversation took place.

In fact, one of my sons was in the kitchen with me and overheard his father’s comment about the dishes and laundry at the same time I did. And he immediately turned to me and said, Dad doesn’t mean that the way it sounds. He’s just feeling bad for not being able to spend more time with his parents and is making excuses. Don’t let it bother you.

Which was an astute observation and very good advice.

Then, my last strategy for dealing with upset plans is to…

7 – Continue in prayer

This one should go without saying. Scripture repeatedly tells us to pray continuously, without ceasing, about big matters and small, in all circumstances, regarding anything and everything that weighs heavily on our heart.

Which is where I’m currently at with that lump under my arm. It may be nothing. Or it may be metastatic cancer. I don’t know.

On the one hand, I feel perfectly healthy. And I spent 25 years of my life breastfeeding babies, which is supposed to be very protective.

On the other, I do have several elevated risk factors, including a sister and two uncles who’ve all been diagnosed with breast cancer.

What I do know is this: God is good, and He can be trusted. He will never leave or forsake me, but will faithfully walk by my side through whatever lies ahead.

That knowledge has always been enough to keep my heart at peace, no matter what kind of crises or unexpected events crop up.

And I pray the same will be true for you amid any trials or altered plans or shattered dreams you may presently be experiencing.

By the way, most of the strategies I’m recommending here can be found in 1 Thessalonians, chapter 5.

There, in verse 8, we read:

“But since we are of the day, let’s be sober, having put on the breastplate of faith and love, and as a helmet, the hope of salvation. For God has not destined us for wrath, but for obtaining salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ, who died for us, so that whether we are awake or asleep, we will live together with Him.” [In other words: hold fast to your faith]

Then Paul continues in verse 11:

“Therefore, encourage one another and build one another up, just as you also are doing. But we ask you, brothers and sisters, to recognize those who diligently labor among you and are in leadership over you in the Lord, and give you instruction, and that you regard them very highly in love because of their work. [There you have: Show appreciation]

Continuing on in verse 13, we read:

“Live in peace with one another. We urge you, brothers and sisters, admonish the unruly, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with everyone.” [which is obviously where I got: practice patience]

Verse 15 adds:

“See that no one repays another with evil for evil, but always seek what is good for one another and for all people.” [which speaks to being flexible & considering the needs of others]

Next, verse 16:

“Rejoice always,” [which is facilitated by looking on bright side and maintaining sense of humor]

Followed by 17:

“pray without ceasing,” [or continue in prayer] in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus…”

And, skipping down to verses 23-24, Paul wraps up his letter with this thought:

“May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. Faithful is He who calls you, and He also will do it.”

I’m so grateful that I serve a God who has promised to finish the work He started. Aren’t you? I pray He will continue to graciously and patiently work out His wonderful plan in both my life and yours, whether it matches the plans we’ve made for ourselves or not.

The post EP 69: When Things Don’t Go As Planned appeared first on Loving Life at Home.

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Published on December 17, 2024 07:58

A Prayer for the Grieving

One of my readers recently wrote to request that I make another of my free printable prayer guides — this time for people who are grieving. So today, that’s what I’m sharing.

Grief is something we all eventually experience in one form or another. No matter what kind of loss you’ve suffered, prayer can help heal your heart. Below are the requests I’d begin with.

I hope you won’t have occasion to use this particular guide anytime soon, but it’s here if and when you need it, whether you’re the one grieving or you are praying on behalf of a friend or family member.

May God comfort you with His presence and through His Word.

A Prayer for the Grieving

Regardless what kind of loss you are facing, the following prayers will help you cling to God’s sustaining grace as you process your grief:

Grow my faith

LORD, I know that You are near to the brokenhearted and save the crushed in Spirit. Let me feel Your presence now. Use these circumstances to strengthen and sustain my faith and to increase my dependence upon You. Soothe my anxieties and lift me out of the pit of despair, so I may affirm Your tender mercy as You graciously work all things together for Your glory and my good.

Psalm 34:18 – Psalm 23:4 – Isaiah 41:10 – Philippians 4:6 – Psalm 40:2 – James 5:11 – Romans 8:28

Restore my joy

Although weeping may last through the night, LORD, Your Word says a shout of joy will come in the morning. Please speed its return. Restore unto me the joy of Your salvation. Put a song in my heart that Your praise may be ever on my lips. Help me rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances, and focus on things that are true, noble, right, pure, and lovely.

Psalm 30:5 – Psalm 51:12 – Psalm 40:3 – Philippians 4:4 – 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 – Philippians 4:8

Inform my decisions

God, I need Your clear guidance and direction now more than ever. Please grant me the wisdom You’ve promised to give to all who ask for it. Instruct and teach me in the path I should follow. Order my steps, take delight in my way, uphold me with Your hand, and keep me from falling. Surround me with wise counselors, as well, and deliver me from foolish friends who would try to lead me astray.

Psalm 25:5 – Proverbs 3:5-6 – James 1:5 – Psalm 32:8 – Psalm 37:23-24 – Jude 1:24-25 – Proverbs 13:20

Expand my ministry

LORD, turn my focus outward that I might serve You by serving others. Let me share freely the comfort with which I have been comforted. As I boldly proclaim Your faithfulness through every trial, every struggle, every dark valley, let my words give hope and strength to those who need it most. Help me to encourage the disheartened, help the weak, and be patient with everyone.

Philippians 2:3-4 – 1 Peter 4:10 – Psalm 89:1 – Hebrews 10:24-25 – 1 Thessalonians 5:13-14

Fuel my friendships

LORD, thank You for being a Friend who sticks closer than a brother. Develop in me that same kind of loyalty and commitment to the friends You’ve placed in my life. As iron sharpens iron, let me sharpen my companions. Help me to choose my friends wisely and teach me to put their needs ahead of my own as I imitate the self-sacrificing love Jesus so beautifully models for us.

Proverbs 18:24 – 1 John 3:16 – Proverbs 27:17 – 1 Corinthians 15:33 – Ecclesiastes 4:9 – John 15:13 – Philippians 2:5-8

To download your own copy of this free printable prayer guide, simply click on the image above, or print directly from the file below.

Prayer for the Grieving DownloadMore Printable Prayer Guides

You will find many more prayer guides you can download individually for free by following this link: Free Printable Prayer Guides.

Or you can save time by investing in a copy of my Pretty Prayer Print Pack and then download a whole bundle of resources in a single click, including all our most popular prayer guides plus prayer lists and diaries, prayer-themed coloring pages, prayer cards, and beautiful printable artwork suitable for framing. Several of the resources in this collection are not available anywhere else.

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Published on December 10, 2024 01:05

31 Verses for a Husband to Pray over His Wife

After publishing my 31 Days of Prayer for Your Husband, I’ve received several requests for a similar challenge for men. I’m grateful for all the prayer I can get, so it’s easy for me to understand why other women feel the same way. So today I’m sharing the newest addition to my series of free printable prayer guides, a.k.a. 31 Scripture Verses for a Husband to Pray over His Wife.

Included on the list are all the following areas…

31 Scripture Verses for a Husband to Pray for His Wife

1 Health (3 John 1:2) – “I pray that you may enjoy good health & all may go well with you…”

2 Strength (Proverbs 31:25) – “She is clothed with strength & dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.”

3 Patience (1 Thessalonians 5:14) – “…encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with everyone.”

4 Cheerfulness (Colossians 3:23) – “Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men.”

5 Understanding (Proverbs 2:2) – “Make your ear attentive to wisdom, incline your heart to understanding.”

6 Perseverance (Galatians 6:9) – “Let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap….”

7 Gentleness (Philippians 4:5) – “Let your gentleness be apparent to all. The Lord is near.”

8 Clarity (2 Timothy 1:7) – “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, of love, & of a sound mind.

9 Affection (Romans 12:10) – “Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.”

10 Rest (Matthew 11:28) – “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.”

11 Industry (Proverbs 14:1) – “The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her hands.”

12 Love (John 13:34) – “A new command I give you: Love one another.”

13 Joy (Proverbs 17:22) – “A joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones.”

14 Attitude (Philippians 2:5) – “In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus…”

15 Service (Galatians 5:13) – “Do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love.”

16 Wisdom (Proverbs 31:26) – “She opens her mouth with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.”

17 Mercy (Luke 6:36) – “Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.”

18 Peace (2 Peter 1:2) – “Grace and peace be multiplied to you in the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord.”

19 Humility (James 4:10) – “Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He shall lift you up.”

20 Compassion (1 Peter 3:8) – “…be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate & humble.”

21 Discretion (Proverbs 2:11) – “Discretion will protect you, and understanding will guard you.”

22 Confidence (Ephesians 3:12) – “…in Him we may enter God’s presence with boldness and confidence…”

23 Diligence (Proverbs 31:27) – “She looks well to the ways of her household & does not eat the bread of idleness.”

24 Kindness (Colossians 3:12) – “Clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.”

25 Goodness (2 Peter 1:5) – “…make every effort to add to your faith goodness & to goodness, knowledge…”

26 Holiness (1 Peter 1:15) – “But just as He who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do.”

27 Obedience (2 Corinthians 10:5) – “…take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”

28 Faithfulness (Luke 16:10) – “Whoever is faithful with very little will also be faithful with much.”

29 Tenderness (Ephesians 4:32) – “Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other…”

30 Respect (Ephesians 5:33) – “Each one of you is to love his wife as himself, and the wife is to respect her husband.”

31 Praise (Proverbs 31:30) – “Charm is deceitful & beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD shall be praised.”

click to print 31-Day prayer challenge

If you’re a person who’s hard to buy for, maybe print out a copy and tell your hubby that’s what you’d like for Christmas — for him to pray for you every day for a month. If that isn’t something he’s already in the custom of doing, then maybe interceding for you for four and a half weeks straight will be enough to establish it as a new habit.

Either way, asking God to bless your spouse is a great way to put others first. And if you’d like to return the favor, you can download 31 Scripture Verses to Pray over Your Husband here:

More Printable Prayer Guides

You will find many more prayer guides you can download individually for free by following this link: Free Printable Prayer Guides.

Or you can save time by investing in a copy of my Pretty Prayer Print Pack and then download a whole bundle of resources in a single click, including all our most popular prayer guides plus prayer lists and diaries, prayer-themed coloring pages, prayer cards, and beautiful printable artwork suitable for framing. Several of the resources in this collection are not available anywhere else.

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Published on November 26, 2024 13:10

EP 68: The Time My Husband Nearly Got a Vasectomy

Closest My Husband Ever Came to Getting a Vasectomy

It’s Thanksgiving week, so I’m counting my blessings, and my 12 children are right up there at the top of the list. Another thing I’m grateful for? The fact my husband didn’t cut my childbearing years short by getting a vasectomy, though he definitely considered it at one point.

I’m so grateful he didn’t go through with it. Listen to this week’s episode to hear why, and to learn what stopped him from making what, for us, would’ve been a huge mistake.

Show Notes:VERSES CITED: Colossians 1:16-17 – “…all things have been created through Him and for Him. He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together.”Hebrews 1:3 – “The Son is the radiance of God’s glory and the exact representation of His being, sustaining all things by His powerful word.”Revelation 4:11 – “You are worthy, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for you created all things, and by your will they were created and have their being.”1 Corinthians 8:6 – “…there is but one Lord, Jesus Christ, through Whom all things came and through Whom we live.”RELATED LINKS:More than Meets the Eye – this is the book by Richard Swenson that made such an impression on my husband (I don’t think I gave the title in the podcast)Always Open: 5 Reasons I Love Having My Tubes Intact – my response to an article from the other side of the issue, written by a woman who was grateful to have hers tiedPostponing Motherhood: At What Cost? – my review of Holly Grigg-Spall’s Sweetening the Pill

The Closest My Husband Ever Came to Getting a VasectomyFull transcript for Episode 68

Hello, friend.

Welcome to episode 68 of Loving Life at Home. Since this is Thanksgiving week, and because my family is one of the things for which I’m most profoundly grateful, I thought that this would be a great time to share with you some of the decisions and convictions that led to my husband and my having 12 children, as well as some of the temptations and trials that conspired to prevent or having all those kids.

Having a big family was something that we discussed long before we decided to marry. I knew I wanted a bunch of children, and I did not want to risk falling in love with somebody that didn’t share that same desire. And so we talked about it very, very early on, when we first started dating, and agreed that we would try to have a big family.

But at the time, my husband still had a lot of school ahead of him, and so we toyed with the idea of waiting to get married until after he was finished with school. Not just his bachelor’s degree, which he hadn’t completed when we did marry, but also his medical training and possibly even his residency, which would have added another 8-10 years onto our engagement…which we’re not big fans of long engagements. And that obviously is not how it played out.

But we thought that perhaps all of our advisors and parents who warned us it was going to be difficult to have children while he was still in school, that maybe they were right. And so we thought going into marriage that we would just abstain from sex during fertile times as a way of delaying having children.

I’m sorry if this is too much information, but as Providence would have it, I began my cycle about 15 minutes before I walked down the aisle to exchange vows with my husband. And after we abstained until that was over, he was not very interested in following through with our original plan to abstain during fertile times.

And so we threw caution to the wind and got pregnant two weeks into our honeymoon.

And then we had that baby nine months later.

And I’m still operating on the thought that we are going to abstain during fertile time.

So after the season of waiting postpartum, for me to heal up was complete, again, he did not want to extend that period of abstinence any further.

So again, we tossed that plan out the window, and I got pregnant with #2 when our firstborn was six months old.

So when number two was born, I had a serious talk with my husband and said, ”Listen, we need to be on the same page. Either we’re going to do what we said we were going to do and abstain during fertile times, or we’re just going to accept these babies as they come. But I don’t want to be in the position of trying to decide whether I follow what we agreed upon or what in the moment you are interested in.”

Time to reassess

And so we — at that point, after our second baby was born — decided, “Well, God is doing a great job of adding to our family as it is, and so we will just trust Him to send us the children that He wants to send us in His perfect time.”

Now, I know some people think that that is very irresponsible. I’ve had people write to me on the blog and tell me as much. And my response to them is that I view it a little bit like going to eat at a five star restaurant and walking in, sitting down at the table, and saying, ”Don’t even bother to show me a menu because I know that whatever the chef prepares is going to be a delight to my senses, and I just would rather He surprise me.”

That’s not being an irresponsible diner. If you have full trust in the talents, skills, abilities of the person preparing your meal and you truly believed that whatever they chose would be amazing, why wouldn’t you let them pick?

So that’s how we came to view family planning — as God knows better than we do and His timing is perfect. And so we just mentally shifted to the idea of, instead of even pretending to have an element of control in this matter, which we obviously didn’t, we would just trust God to send us the children He wanted us to have as He felt appropriate.

Now, interestingly, after we decided that, we had our longest gap between children. In fact, it was long enough that we started thinking that maybe two was all that God was going to send us. And we canceled our maternity coverage. It was costing us a lot of money to be covered for babies. And so we thought, “We’ll save money. Obviously I’m not getting pregnant as easily as I did with those first two.”

And so that’s what we did. And of course, a month later I was pregnant again, and we had to pay for that one out of pocket. But I think I’ve shared before that that third pregnancy was a little bit difficult. (Not compared to what some people with truly difficult pregnancies endure, but compared to the ones that came before and all the ones that came after.)

It was hard because my baby was in such a position that it made it real difficult and painful for me to walk, especially during the last three months of my pregnancy or so. And so I just hobbled around for that period of time. And my father observed the difficulty with which I was getting around during that final trimester and pulled my husband aside after the baby was born and tried to talk him into getting a vasectomy without my knowledge.

He thought that that would be the most prudent course of action, because I think he felt like if I had any more children, I was going to be in a wheelchair, based on how difficult it was for me to walk during that last pregnancy.

But fortunately, my husband was not persuaded by my father’s arguments. And so it was a little bit easier for me to forgive my father for even meddling in that way and to realize that he really was giving advice based on what he considered best for me. He loved me and wanted me to be safe and healthy and able to take care of the children God had already given me. So I can, in my mind, think, ”Well, that’s why he tried to talk my husband into doing something that was so obviously against what our plans and hopes and dreams were.”

However, Dad was not the last one to try to talk Doug into doing something permanent like that. After we moved to Tyler… let’s see… we were expecting #6 by the time my husband finished all of his medical school and residency training and got the job that he’s had since 1997 in Tyler, Texas. And so, when we got to Tyler, he worked with a variety of surgeons, including some urologist who routinely did vasectomies. And a couple of them and some of his other colleagues really started to get in his ear about how much better life could be with a vasectomy.

And he’d laugh it off and ignore him for a while. But after our eighth child was born, he started thinking maybe our goal of having a big family had been realized. In fact, he said as much to me while I was in the delivery room with that newborn on my chest, like, maybe this should be our last baby.

Which, oh, my goodness, was the wrong thing to say to a hormonal woman who loved having babies, loved being pregnant, could hardly wait to come back every time they wheeled me out of the hospital with a newborn in arms. And so I was just in tears the whole two days I was in the hospital with that baby. And I’m sure the nurses were very concerned about my mental state and must have been thinking that I was suffering from profound postpartum depression.

But that really wasn’t the case. I was just trying to adjust to the idea that this might be my last child. And the idea that we would volitionally choose to end our fertility, when for so long we had completely trusted God with it, was really hard to reconcile in my mind.

Under a lot of stress

Now, looking back on it, I realize that a lot of things were contributing in addition to his colleagues’ comments and offers to do the vasectomy for him for free — and to do it even without my knowledge, if possible. As it happened, #8 was born after my husband had been away for two weeks. He was in the Army Reserves at the time. And so that summer, he had to drill. And so we had been separated for two weeks while he drilling in El Paso. And so, number one, that was a strain.

And then secondly, the closer I get to delivery, the more my nesting instinct kicks in. And so while he was out of town for two weeks, I started all sorts of projects at home to get ready for the baby that did not get completed before he made at home and I almost immediately went into labor: I’m talking, I ripped out carpet and had the floors recovered and re-sodded the backyard and dug up a bunch of flower beds because I wanted to plant vegetables. And I pulled the toilets so that I could redo the bathrooms.

All of this was going on at once, you know, because, like, during the day, I could lay grass outside, but I couldn’t very well do that after dark. And so I would do the home projects by night and the outdoor projects by day.

So when my husband came home from drilling, he found me checked into a hotel with all the kids, waiting for the air to clear because we had had the brick floors at our home refurbished while he was gone. And then, suddenly, I go into labor and have to go to the hospital and deliver this baby. And my parents come out from Dallas and help keep the kids and supervise the flooring being put in and the toilets being put back and finishing up the landscaping. And oh, my goodness, it was just a mess. And my husband doesn’t do very well with messes, so that also contributed to the stressors that he was experiencing at that time.

Nevertheless, when I came home from the hospital, it continued to be a source of contention. And, a big discussion that we continued to have.Doug was leaning heavily towards getting a vasectomy, which broke my heart

And he would give me his perspective, and I would give him my perspective. There seemed to be no way that we could both be happy with the decision. He was really leaning heavily towards getting a vasectomy, which just broke my heart.

And I guess I should point out that there was one more stressor. So the stress of being separated for two weeks while he did his army reserved drills, the stress of the mess that he came home to with all my nesting projects, the stress of having colleagues think that you’re crazy because you keep having children when it would be such an easy matter to just put an end to all that. And then, fourth, his medical training, you know, as a physician — especially as one that works in labor and delivery — has seen all sorts of things.

A lot of the times when I was pregnant, he was doing high risk pregnancy rotations or working with children, children who were profoundly disabled. And when you see that kind of thing every single day, you start thinking that it’s a lot more common than it is. And in fact, I think he started believing that it was just inevitable if we kept having children, we were going to wind up with some horrific outcome in his mind.

And one thing that, as we discussed these ideas, that I kept coming back to is that if God had lessons for us to learn that could only be learned by caring for a handicapped child, I would not have to give birth to a baby that was disabled. Any one of our strong, happy, healthy children, in a moment, could be rendered profoundly disabled. All it would take is a car wreck or a freak accident, a fall, a broken neck on the slip and slide, or meningitis or some other life threatening disease. And so I felt like we should trust God with the health of our children as well as the number of our children.

The hardest letter I ever wrote

Nevertheless, it continued to be an ongoing discussion. And no matter how well I articulated my position or backed it up with Scripture or communicated it through tears, it didn’t seem to be moving the needle anymore. And so finally I wrote my husband a letter and told him, ”You knowwhere I stand on this issue. Nevertheless, I married you, and I’m willing to trust God to lead me through you.”

I got to the point that I realized maybe God was putting this on my husband’s heart. I didn’t understand it. It didn’t make sense to me. It didn’t seem to line up with trusting Him the way we had historically trusted Him. But I realized that I needed to defer to him in this matter.

So I wrote him that letter and told him,

“You know where I stand on this. However, I’m going to trust God to lead me through you. And so if you have prayed about this and are convinced that this is what God would have you do, I will sign the papers.” (Because, as it turns out, I don’t think you can, as a husband, get a vasectomy without your wife’s knowledge. I think she does have to sign off on it, or at least at that time she did. )So, ”I’ll sign the papers for you to do that, or if you feel like it would be better for me to get a tubal ligation, then I’m even willing to do that, if that is what you prayerfully and honestly believe God would have you do, I’m not going to fight with you anymore about it. I’m just going to pray for you as you make the decision.”
a Letter to my husband

And so that was probably one of the hardest letters I’ve ever written, but I meant every word of it. And it was shortly after that, that Doug read a book [More Than Meets the Eye] by an author named Richard Swenson. And the book was actually divided into two parts. The first part was about cell biology, and the second part was about astronomy, so it was going from the microcosm of the cell to the macrocosm of the universe.

And it was written by a Christian, Richard Swenson. I still have so much gratitude that he wrote that book, because while reading it, my husband came to realize that if God holds all of nature together in His hands, and we believe He does, and the Bible teaches that He does.

Colossians 1:16-17 - "For in Him all things were created things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities, all things were created through Him and for Him. He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together." Or Hebrews 1:3 - "The sun is the radiance of God's glory and the exact representation of His nature, upholding all things by His powerful word."Or Revelations 4:11 - "Worthy are you our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power. For You created all things; by Your will they exist and were created. "Or 1 Corinthians 8:6 - "For us there is but one God, the Father, from whom all things came, and for whom we exist. And there is but one Lord, Jesus Christ, through whom all things came and through whom we exist." • • • "

So if He is holding all of creation together, from the smallest detail of our DNA and the protons and neutrons and electrons that make up each atom of our body, to the billions and billions of stars that make up the universe and galaxy upon galaxy, then He can certainly be trusted to take care of every detail of our life as well.

And so not only did my husband read that book (and God used it as a means of grace to change his mind on this issue), but he read the book aloud to us, as well. And I don’t know that our kids really grasped at the time how important that book was to the future of our family. But I know that later, when two of my children were in dental school in San Antonio, Richard Swenson came to address the Christian Medical and Dental Association there in town. And they got to meet him face-to-face and tell him how impactful his book had been on our family.

So after that one little glitch in our family history, we were right back to trusting God with the number and spacing and timing of our children. And we ended up having four more babies before it was all said and done.

God is in control

I think it is interesting that the Bible talks about how God opens and closes the womb. And I continued to have 12 years of regular cycles — like clockwork – after our #12 baby was born. And my husband and I continued our same schedule and never did anything during that dozen years to prevent pregnancy (and faithfully did what it would take to conceive again). And yet, 12 was obviously all that God had planned for our family.

I had one miscarriage after my youngest was born, but to my knowledge after that, I never conceived again, despite not going through menopause until I was 57 or 58. My youngest child was born the day after I turned 45. And as much as I would have loved to have another baby (or two or three), I have no regrets about how we conducted our life and how we put our own fertility on the altar to God and trusted Him with it. We didn’t squander a single moment of it.

Again, as I’ve said before, I had easy pregnancies, easy deliveries, healthy babies, a stable marriage and my husband had a steady job that provided for us well. And so it really was an easy matter –most of the time — to trust God with our family planning. And we’ve been so delighted with the results of that that it makes me want to be completely sold out to Christ in every area of my life.

I shared this story with some dear friends of ours a few months ago, and they were surprised to hear it. Sometimes we think that people that have a lot of faith and are strong in their faith never have struggles or doubts, and that’s not always the case.

The important thing is what you do with those doubts.

My advice is to take them to the foot of the cross, pour them out before the Father, and search His word for encouragement. God is good all the time. All the time, God is good. And He gave us His Word so that when we face trials and temptations, we would have that solid foundation beneath us on which we can stand firm.

I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving this week. Let us carry that spirit of gratitude for God’s abundant blessings forward not just on Thanksgiving Day, but moment by moment, day by day, the whole year through.

The Word of God is full of wisdom for every facet of life, but we’ve found it especially helpful in building a happy, healthy marriage. For a fascinating look at how science has confirmed the superiority of God’s design, check out my book Love Your Husband/Love Yourself.

Love Your Husband/ Love Yourself: Embracing God's Purpose for Passion in Marriage

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Published on November 25, 2024 15:47

EP 67: Early Education Ideas for Preschoolers

This week on Loving Life at Home, I’m tackling a question about early education for preschoolers: What can a mom of multiple toddlers do to make sure her little ones are getting what they need? Those were pressing thoughts on my mind, too, when I was a young mom, and in today’s episode, I’m sharing the advice a wise mentor gave me at the time. It served me and my children well and will hopefully do the same for you and yours!

Early Education Ideas for Preschoolerscomplete transcript for episode 67

Hello, friend.

Welcome to episode 67 of Loving Life at Home. Today we’re talking about preschool and how can you ensure that you’re giving your toddlers exactly what they need at that age to lay a good foundation for learning that will serve them well through the rest of their schooling?

I got a letter recently from a listener who writes,

Jennifer,

I listened to a recent podcast and heard you talk about thinking that you might run out of questions to answer by the time you hit the one year mark of making podcasts. Yet you didn’t. Us mommas have so many questions for you!

All of my questions are related to toddlerhood. What should I expect from this season of my life? When should I start formal education for my boys? They are 18 months and three years. [She actually has a set of twins mixed in there.]

I guess I’m wondering if I’m doing the right things and would like to hear what it’s been like for other parents with multiple toddlers at a time. What did a daily schedule look like with multiple toddlers? I watch all these videos of mamas with one toddler, but it’s so different having three at once.

I love that she’s thinking about all these things early. We want to do all we can to fan the flames of our kids curiosity and build and instill in them a love for learning from the very earliest days.

And really, her attitude reminds me a lot of my own attitude and I had just young ones at home and I do remember what that was like. I asked a lot of the same kind of questions from a trusted homeschooling mentor over three decades ago when my oldest children were approaching kindergarten age.

She gave excellent advice which I followed with great results. And so I’m going to begin by sharing the suggestions with you that she shared with me. And after that, I’ll address some of the specific questions she’s asking.

My first suggestion would be not to get in too big a hurry to do desk work with your little ones. Likely those little boys are going to have years of formal education ahead of them. And so you don’t have to rush to get started on that part.

There are better and more effective ways for them to learn during this season of their lives than to be crouched over a workbook with a pencil in hand, unless they just particularly love that, which some kids do. I was one of them that really enjoyed doing math from age 2 or 3. And my dad would make big legal pads full of math problems for me, and I ate it up.

But I realize that’s very unusual. And especially for little boys, who I think the majority of them would rather be outside and learning and doing things with their hands. So don’t force that on them at this young age. My best preschool recommendations follow exactly what that trusted mentor told me, which is first…

1. Take Walks.

Go on nature hikes. Take strolls around the block or try an outdoor scavenger hunt together. Set a leisurely pace. It’s not a race, so stop and smell the roses. Point out bugs and birds or flowers that you see along the way and teach your kids the names of the ones that you know. Let them pick up rocks or pine cones or pieces of bark to take back home and display on a shelf in the family room.

This really instills a love for nature and your children and it gets them outside in the fresh air and sunshine, which is so important, especially in this day and age when so many eyes are glued to a screen from such a young age. We want to really delay that as long as we can and get out in the fresh air and sunshine. That is so good for their development and for their brains. So that would be my first recommendation.

2. Play Games.

Teach your little ones to play checkers or chess even, or other board games like Memory and Sorry. Work a, puzzle together.

Start with just little wooden puzzles that are good for kids and work your way up from there to thirty piece, fifty piece, hundred piece, and so on. We have a lot of these big floor puzzles that our kids enjoy doing. Maybe they’d have the Alphabet on it or the human body or a world map, and it’s just maybe 25 or 30 pieces to put together. That was a lot of fun.

Shuffle a deck of cards and teach your children how to play Old Maid or Spoons or Go fish. Our family’s been on a Bananagram jag lately. Now, I know that’s a little bit advanced for three-year-olds, but my older ones would always play by the rules–it’s a great game for practicing spelling skills–but my preschoolers would just like to stack and sort all the letter tiles or use them to spell simple words that they might know, like cat or dog, and they don’t necessarily connect theirs like a crossword puzzle.

Then…

3. Read Books.

Reading lots and lots of books together is another good thing to be doing at this age. I have a great list of books that I recommend for young children on our website–50 different titles, that I will link in the show notes: board books, picture books, chapter books, reference books.

Reading to your child is one of the best investments you can make in his or her education. Read what they love, share what you love. Give your child books as gifts for birthdays and Christmas. Build a home library, of favorite books to read over and over and over again.

Or get a library card and bring home a stack of new books every week. Or better yet, do both. When my kids were growing up, we would go to the library once a week and check out as many as 80 books at a time and bring them all home and we’d read five or 10 of them at a lick (just children’s picture books).

And don’t worry if it’s a story you’ve read to them before. Children really benefit from reading the same book over and over and over again. We still do that with books that our family loves. We’ll read some of them once a year aloud because we enjoy them so much.

There’s a curriculum called Five in a Row, in fact, and the whole point of the curriculum is that you read the same story for five days in a row and do different activities based on that story. It was a fun curriculum to do. We used that for our preschoolers for a while.

Another great way to learn with your toddlers is to…

4. Cook Together.

Let your little one help with meal preparation. Teach him how to make simple dishes like soup, or let her peel carrots and add spices and pour in the water and help stir. All with your supervision, of course.

When baking, you can let your children measure the ingredients and show them how 2 half-cups or 3 thirds or 4 fourths make a whole. Experiment in the kitchen together and rate the results.

This is a great way to deal with picky eaters. There’s something about being involved in the preparation of the food that make the kids more excited about eating it. So get them involved in making salads and veggies and healthful foods and see if that will expand their tastes and make them more apt to eat what you put on the table.

Then another great way to learn with preschoolers is to…

5. Sing Songs.

Make music a part of your daily life. Don’t just listen, although listening is recommended too. But get involved with your own voice and teach your children to do the same. Sing to your little ones and with your little ones.

Sing praise songs and lovely old hymns, counting songs and spelling songs, songs that teach important concepts and songs that are pure nonsense. Songs that you’ve loved for many years and songs that you make up on the spot.

Music is just such a great way to get ideas and concepts deep within your child’s heart. It’s a wonderful thing to set Bible verses to music, and sing those to your children. My kids can still quote verses that I sang to them when they were babies and taught them when they were toddlers, because that just sticks with you so long. And also, there are lots of educational songs out there.There is so much potential for teaching your children when they’re toddlers.

We have one that we sing that teaches all the orders of our presidents. We have another one that I use to teach the kids the states and capitals in the US and other geography songs that teach them about other countries and continents in the world. Skip counting songs that help them learn their times tables.

There is really so much potential for teaching your children, even when they’re toddlers, things that they’ll need later in life. And when you set it to music, they just pick it up naturally. Some of our little ones learned it while I was working with older children in homeschool, and it just made learning those concepts that much easier when it was their turn.

[If you cannot see the embedded video, you may click here to view it.]

And then I already touched on this, but another great way to spend your time when your kids are toddlers is to…

6. Memorize Bible Verses.

Don’t underestimate your little one’s ability to learn things by heart. Capitalize on it. Teach them scripture and poems and nursery rhymes and historical speeches. I often combine this activity with the one above, like I said, and set those concepts to music that I’m trying to teach.

But my own children have learned the times tables, the states and capitals, the planets of the solar system, the preamble to the constitution, and countless Bible verses or even entire chapters of the Bible that way.

Then another great activity for preschoolers is going places….

7. Take Field Trips.

Take your little ones to the park or to the zoo, the science museum or art museum, children’s museums, the planetarium. Take tours of any factory or business within driving distance that will give you one.

Sometimes there are age restrictions on that. I know a lot of times they want the kids to be at least six. So maybe when you are just dealing strictly with toddlers, you won’t be able to do some of those factory tours, but some of them cater to younger ones.

So go online or make some phone calls and see what you can find. Our local fire station and police station and even the local pizza place will let little ones come in and tell them about the work that is done at that location.

When my oldest four were all six and under, their dad worked two days a week in Fort Worth, Texas, in the heart of the cultural district. And so the job was about an hour from home, and he worked 11-hour shifts. So the children and I would often ride with him. Otherwise we wouldn’t have seen him at all on those days.

So I would just get the kids out of bed and put them in the car with their pajamas still on, let them sleep all the way from Mesquite to Fort Worth for that hour drive. And that gave me and my husband some time to talk the way.

And then when we got to his job, we’d drop him off, I’d get the kids dressed, and we would spend the whole day going to area parks and museums. Most of those were free back then, and it was just such a great learning opportunity. They had the art museums and the children’s museums, natural history museum, modern art, traditional art, the zoo, pioneer village, where they could go through log cabins and see blacksmiths at work and stuff like that.

But we learned so much doing that without ever cracking open a school book. Then another great activity for toddlers and preschoolers is doing crafts.

8. Make Crafts.

I have a whole list of different ways to encourage creativity in very young children that I’ll link in the show notes. Give a little guidance to get your kids started if necessary, but then stand back and let them create. Or better yet, sit across the table and work on your own creation while they labor on theirs.

You can spend a lot of money on art supplies, but at this age that really isn’t necessary. A little glue, some construction paper, and a few colored markers will go a long way in encouraging your child’s creativity. And you can also save tin cans and egg cartons, cereal boxes, milk jugs, that sort of thing, and challenge your children to make something wonderful out of those objects. They may just surprise you. We do a lot of recycled art even now, but when my kids were little, they loved raiding my recycle bin and making things out of packaging and jars and tin cans, making things out of the stuff that would otherwise just go to the landfill or to the recycle center.

9. Keep Active.

Then another thing to do with your preschoolers is to keep active. They probably aren’t–especially those little boys –probably aren’t going to need a lot of encouragement on that. Your little one doesn’t need to sit in a desk for hours on end. Go outside and toss a frisbee or play tag. Jog around the block.

Do whatever you can to keep your body and theirs moving on a regular basis. And if you want some fun ideas for staying active as a family, you can check out my book Get Up & Go. It has over a hundred different little activities that you can do with your kids to get exercise in each day.

Then last thing I would suggest is to….

10. Stay Curious.

Most children are naturally curious, so do your best to share and encourage and cultivate that curiosity. Look for answers to your child’s burning questions together. Answer the questions you can and show them where to find the answers that you don’t know.

Talk about other curious people. Let them inspire you. Familiarize your children with history’s great thinkers and inventors and explorers and note some of the modern day conveniences that we have because of their curiosity and perseverance.

My purpose for sharing this list is not to discourage book learning, but to balance it. Education can and should be far broader than the workbooks and the drills. Don’t buy into the notion that learning is something that happens only when the ”school books” are out and open. That’s the whole beauty of home education! Parents are not confined to a classroom, but can take advantage of all these and other means of imparting knowledge, communicating truth, and fostering a lifetime love of learning in their little ones.

Of course, parents whose children are in private or public school also have the privilege of doing these things that this list suggests. Their families just have fewer hours together to squeeze such experiences into. But it is, is still a worthwhile endeavor.

In answer to your other questions: If you’re doing a variety of any of these things that I’ve listed, I would say yes, you are doing the right things.

As for what my schedule looked like back when I had multiple toddlers, that was 25 years worth of history that we’re talking about because I had multiple toddlers for a quarter of a century, and also had a nursing baby for that length of time. So it really depended on how many children were talking about.

But the nursing baby was usually the first one up. I would nurse her maybe 4 or 5 in the morning, put her back to bed or him, as the case might be, and then would stagger the wake up times on my other children so that they could do their hardest lessons with me early in the morning.

Now again, our schedule changed a lot over that period of time, depending on how many children I had and what courses they were taking at home, what grades they were in and such is that. But normally when I just had the toddlers, we would get up and eat breakfast together, then do some reading — some of those library books that we cart home every week.

We would read 5, 10 of those as long as the kids would be still. Some of our kids would sit still to listen to books and look at the pictures a lot longer than others. And so if I had one that loved looking at the pages and reading, then I would read longer than if I had one that just wanted to, you know, hurry through it and turn all the pages themselves and be done and crawling out of my lap and ready to go on to the next activity. So you really have to gauge it to the children.

I don’t know why I’m even trying to give you a set schedule because it is so hard depending on the children. So, anyway, breakfast, then some reading, and then we would do some songs together and hand motions and stuff like that. I would, during the reading, I would include a Bible time where we would just do, for that age, a couple of verses and talk about that and pray together.

And then, we would usually do some artwork, maybe just using some colored paper, like I said before, and markers. And then we had toys that were building blocks or Duplo blocks–stuff like that. We would play with those for maybe half an hour, go outside for a walk, come back in for lunch, take naps, wake up, read some more books, and work in the kitchen together to get dinner ready, eat when my husband got home, clean up, take baths.

My husband often supervised the bath time for the toddlers while I was nursing the baby and try and get baby to sleep and would often read chapter books to them while they were in the bathtub. We didn’t have a television. By the time we had three children, we didn’t have a TV anymore. I told you before that we watched so much of it it blew up, and we never replaced it. So our kids didn’t watch TV.

We did have a video library, though, and a video player that had no programming on it. So we couldn’t get any network programming or cable. But it was just a blue screen unless we put a VHS tape in it. And so we had a few educational kind of tapes like Richard Scarry’s ABCs and three or four little tapes that the kids really enjoyed watching. And they also taught alphabet, numbers, and stuff like that.

And so we would sometimes let them watch that. But that was really not very often, not a daily occurrence. Maybe every two or three days, they’d watch a little video.

But after bath time, we would give drinks of water, say prayers, tuck everybody into bed, and then hopefully get some sleep ourselves (although some babies did not allow as much sleep as others), and start all over the next morning.

So we’d do that schedule at least four days a week. And the fifth day we would take as a park day or a field trip day, until I started having older children, and we needed to do school five days a week.

So that, I guess, is probably the best I can give you as a sample schedule for that age. As we added older and older children to the mix, but still had the nursing babies and the toddlers, then I would stagger wake up times and try to teach my older children their math while the babies were still asleep.

And then, once the babies were awake, we would eat together, then do the subjects that we would cover together. And we’d also rotate to where, while I worked with one older child on harder subjects, an older sibling would watch the babies. And they’d switch off.

And we’d do that until lunchtime, eat lunch together, read, read aloud together as I nurse the baby, put them down for naps. And then we’d do science, so we’d do math in the morning while baby slept, and science in the afternoon while the baby slept.

And then the rest of the time was spent on subjects that we could all do together (history and literature and things like that) and also on field trips and outdoor play and free time and creative projects. And then we would do more read-alouds when my husband got home.

So I would read one book aloud during the afternoons and my husband would work on reading a different book aloud in the evenings. So we’re a big reading family, and we kept lots and lots of books going all the time.

I’ve had other moms of little ones ask me about specific curriculum that we used as our kids started entering kindergarten and first grade, second grade. I have a whole page on our family website about that I’ll link in the show notes.

But I do want to say a lot of the things that I have listed there were not things I taught to my kindergartner when I only had a kindergartner. When I had older children that were learning, and we were doing Story of the World or Apologia’s Young Explorer series for science or things like that, the kindergartners would listen in and learn it that way.

But when I only had kindergartners, we did all the other things that I’ve listed in this podcast, not the book learning so much (other than just story books and short biographies and that sort of thing). But not textbooks and not workbooks when they were just little bitty.

The Story of the World and the Apologia’s Young Explorer series both have lots of great suggestions for hands -on experiments and activities that kindergartners will remember for years to come. And so once you’re doing it with older children, then by all means let your kindergartener join in.

But if you’re just thinking about adding history and science and workbooks because you feel obligated to do so, and it would mean making you’re already fidgety toddlers sit still even longer, which is especially common (again) among little boys, then I’d advise to just stick with that list of activities that I provided: the walks, the games, the songs, the field trips, and delay the book work until they’re a little bit older and can handle it.

But if you’re itching to get started because your child has been eating up everything bookish you’ve done thus far and you’re eager to begin–and your child is eager to begin–“real school,” which is especially common among little girls, then go for it and cover the material at whatever pace that you and your child feel comfortable with.

Again, I have a lot of resources on our family website. I’ll link some of those that would be helpful for this age in the show notes, so take a look at that if you have further questions.

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Published on November 21, 2024 05:19

EP 66: Marriage to a Difficult Man

Several years ago, I read a book entitled Marriage to a Difficult Man. I felt a little self-conscious toting it around with me at the time, lest anyone assume it was a how-to book rather than what it actually was: a biography of the famous 18th-century revivalist preacher Jonathan Edwards in relation to his very patient and supportive wife.

I have a similar concern in publishing this week’s episode, in which I offer advice to a reader who is looking for help in dealing with what she calls a “Jekyll and Hyde” husband. While over 37 years of marriage have taught me a lot about living in peace with a partner who can sometimes be difficult (a description he could rightly apply to me, as well), I would never go so far as to compare my own husband’s moods to the infamous and volatile Dr. Jekyll.

Nevertheless, I’ve endeavored to answer this reader’s question with tips that have been helpful in my own marriage and with ideas I’ve drawn from observing the marriages of those around me. I hope you’ll listen in and be encouraged.

The material for this week’s podcast comes from a blog post I wrote nearly ten years ago called “Living in Peace with Jekyll & Hyde.” To read that original article in its entirety, just scroll past the following show notes.

Show NotesVERSES CITED:1 Pet 3:8 – “…be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate….”1 Cor 7:5 – “Do not deprive each other, except by mutual consent and for a time….”Proverbs 13:12 – “Hope deferred makes the heart sick….”1 Cor 13:15 – “When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But….”Romans 3:23 – “All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”Psalms 139:23-24 – “Search me, O God, and know my heart. Try me, and know….”Galatians 6:9 – “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we….”James 1:2-3 – ” Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials….” Proverbs 15:1 – “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”Col 4:6 – “Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt….” Phil 1:6 – “…He who began a good work in you will perfect it….” Phil. 4:8 – “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble….”RELATED LINKS:EP 34: The #1 Rule for Building a Happy Marriage EP 31: How to Love Your Husband Well EP 12: When You’re Married to a Problem Solver EP 2: Dealing with Difficult In-Laws Love Your Husband/Love Yourself (my book)STAY CONNECTED:Subscribe: Flanders Family Freebies -(weekly themed link lists of free resources) Instagram: follow @flanders_family for more great contentFamily Blog: Flanders Family Home Life (parenting tips, homeschool help, printables) Marriage Blog: Loving Life at Home (encouragement for wives, mothers, believers)

Q&A: Living with Jekyll & Hyde

We’ve received several questions through our family blog lately that deal with subjects better suited to this forum, so I’ve decided to publish my responses here, in case other readers are dealing with similar situations. Here’s the first, on living with Jekyll and Hyde.:

QUESTION: How do I deal with a Jekyll & Hyde husband?

Hi, Jennifer.

I would like to know how you would deal with a husband that is like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde?

One minute everything is wonderful, the next thing he acts mad at me for everything under the sun…. I am not perfect and have made some mistakes, but I think I am a great wife. He has even made the comment that I have put up with a lot over the many years we’ve been married.

He can be wonderful at times, but very difficult to live with at other times.

Please help!
Walking on Eggshells

ANSWER: Proceed both carefully and prayerfully

It’s been decades since I’ve read Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, but I remember enough to know that Hyde would be a very difficult person to live with.

I believe in the book, the doctor’s transformation was caused by some concoction he was drinking. If your husband’s mood swings are caused (or made worse) by alcoholism or substance abuse of any kind, or if he is suffering from a psychological disorder like manic/depression or dissociative (split personality) disorder, or if his behavior is putting you or your children in physical danger, then please get some professional help ASAP.

But if, as your letter indicates, he simply acts one moment as if everything is rosy and the next as if he is intensely irritated by every little thing you say or do, then the following suggestions may help.

You will notice, I’m sure, that all these recommendations require you to adapt your attitudes and actions to him and his mood. And you may be thinking, “He’s the one with the problem, why should I be the one to change?”

I know that seems unfair. And it is.

You were probably hoping for a solution that would change your husband and the way he acts, and I wish I could give you one. But only God can change his heart.

You have no control over your husband’s actions. You can only control your response.

From the (omitted) details of your letter, it sounds like you are already working very hard to make your marriage work. Clearly, you feel you are doing your fair share and just wish your husband would be more appreciative and less volatile in recognizing that fact. In an ideal world, he would. That’s how it’s supposed to work, and I know it really stinks when reality falls short of what could or should be.

But think of it this way: Staying married is a little like driving a car.

To get safely from one place to another when you’re driving, you not only need to obey traffic laws and signals yourself, but you must also watch for other drivers who may be ignoring those same laws and signals.

This is a concept my own dear father had a hard time accepting. Whenever the law gave him the right-of-way, he was determined to take it, no matter what the other drivers around him were doing.

That attitude nearly got our family killed a few times. When we’d mention that fact to him, he’d argue, “Well, if we died, it would’ve been their fault.”

Yeah, maybe. But we’d still be dead.

And preventably so, if you saw a way to avoid the accident, but stubbornly refused to take it.

Likewise, if your marriage crumbles — even if it’s demise can be pinned 100% on your spouse — you and your children are still going to suffer the consequences. Knowing that someone else was to blame does not alter that fact. It won’t breathe life back into the casualties.

So what can be done (beyond all you are already doing) to prevent that from happening?

BE SYMPATHETIC:

Start by trying to understand your husband’s stressors and alleviate as many as possible. Do what you can to minimize the things that frustrate him. Here is a list of possibilities to get you started:

physical hungerfinancial strainself-doubtillness/ poor healthunfulfilled desire for sexfeeling disrespected (at home or work)overextended schedule (at work or home)concerns about the childrenresponsibilities and commitmentscaffeine withdrawalsunmet personal goals/ dissatisfactionrestlessnessbad modeling from his own fathercluttered/messy housemidlife crisisfluctuating hormonesgeneral irritability associated with agingimmaturityjealousy/ competitivenessgeneral sin natureguilt over specific sin(s)pride (in him or me)crisis of faith

Obviously, you have a measure of control over some of these things, such as cooking good meals to alleviate his physical hunger or saying yes when he’s in the mood to address his sexual hunger.

Over others, such as how his boss treats him at work or what kind of modeling his own father provided for him as a child, you have absolutely no control. But sometimes just recognizing these contributing factors and empathizing and encouraging your husband in the midst of them is enough to help alleviate their harmful effects.

So put yourself in his shoes and treat him as you’d want to be treated, were you dealing with the same stresses and pressures.

NOTE PATTERNS:

It may be helpful and instructive for you to keep a calendar of your husband’s mood swings for several months to see if you can pinpoint what might be triggering them.

Along with his moods, plot his work load, your menstrual cycle, extracurricular activities, your own attitudes, financial ups and downs, his call/vacation schedule, etc. Play the part of a detective and look for connections.

Again, you may not be able to do anything about the triggers, but just being aware of them can help you modulate your own actions and interactions to keep the peace at home and be sensitive to extra pressures your husband may be facing during certain times of the month or year.

Yes, it would be nice if he’d be sensitive to the pressures you’re facing, as well. Maybe someday God will mature your husband to the point that he can reciprocate in the sympathy and compassion department so things won’t seem so one-sided. But until then, you can still improve your situation by giving consideration to these matters, even if none of them are “your fault.”

PRAY ABOUT IT:

I’m sure you are already doing this, but beyond praying that God would change your husband or stabilize his moods, I’d encourage you to pray that He’ll give you wisdom and patience in responding to your man, and also ask Him to open your eyes to anything you may be doing to contribute to the discord.

Pray with the Psalmist, “Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me and know my anxious thoughts; and see if there be any hurtful way in me, and lead me in the everlasting way.” (Psalm 139:23-24, NASB)

Pray that God would open your eyes to your husband’s good points, as well. Pray that He’d help you keep your focus there, and would give you a deep and abiding love and appreciation for the man you married, and would make you a crown and a blessing to your husband in every way.

TALK TO YOUR HUSBAND:

Wait until your husband is in one of his good moods and gently broach the topic of how his bad moods affect you and the children.

Sometimes men vent their anger and frustration and don’t intend for anybody within earshot to take it personally — like a guy who lets loose a string of curses when he hits his thumb with a hammer, then can’t understand why his wife who overheard the tirade would think he was mad at her. I’m not trying to justify such behavior, by the way, I’m only attempting to explain that sometimes husbands just don’t realize how much their dark or angry moods hurt their wives.

So prayerfully try to explain all that in a nice way, without getting angry and accusatory. I know that’s a tall order, but if you come across as critical, self-righteous, or disrespectful, you’ll likely just make the situation worse.

If your husband is already aware of the problem, ask him if there is anything you can do to help stabilize his moods, and follow through as best you can. I know what keeps my husband happy is a tidy house and lots of sex with me, so — guess what? — that’s exactly what he gets. (Okay, so sometimes the house gets a little cluttered, but I’m extremely faithful in the other area, and that helps blind him to those piles of books on our dining room table.)

BE ENCOURAGED:

I hurt for any wife in your situation. Sin stinks. And it breaks God’s heart. These Jekyll & Hyde mood swings were never part of God’s perfect plan for marriage, nor do they accurately reflect Christ’s love for us.

Even so, you can still glorify God in the way you respond to the circumstances in which you find yourself. You can still grow and mature in Christ in the midst of it. And you can still have a happy, solid marriage, despite your husband’s volatile moods — but that happiness will hinge on your attitudes and reactions.

If you haven’t already done so, I’d encourage you to commit pertinent Bible verses to memory and draw strength from them when the going gets tough. Here are a few I’d recommend, for starters:

“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” (Galatians 6:9, NIV)“Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.” (James 1:2-3, NASB)“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” (Proverbs 15:1, NIV)“Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person.” (Colossians 4:6, NASB)“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things.” (Philippians 4:8, NIV)“For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 1:6, NASB)

You may also want to read this post. It’s about getting along with difficult mother-in-laws, but the strategies outlined work equally well when dealing with difficult spouses, bosses, neighbors, or anybody else who has a demanding personality or seems impossible to please.

MORE BIBLICALLY SOUND MARRIAGE ADVICE

The Word of God is full of wisdom for every facet of life, but we’ve found it especially helpful in building a happy, healthy marriage. For a fascinating look at how science has confirmed the superiority of God’s design, check out my book Love Your Husband, Love Yourself.

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Published on November 14, 2024 04:20

EP 65: How to Overcome Wrong Thinking

Nearly everyone has to wrestle with negative or sinful or intrusive thoughts at one time or other, so in today’s episode, we’re talking strategies for overcoming bad thoughts and taking them captive to the obedience of Christ.

Show NotesVERSES CITED:2 Cor. 10:5 – “We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against….”Psalm 19:14 – “Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be…”Romans 12:2 – “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by….”1 Cor. 10:13 – “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind….”Eph 6:16-17 – “…taking up the shield of faith with which you will be able to….”James 4:7-8 – “Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you…..”Matthew 6:13 – “And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil…”Isaiah 26:3 – “You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is stayed on You….”Psalm 23:4 – “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will….”Matt. 11:28 – “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden….”Phil. 4:6-7 – “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication….”James 1:19-20 – “Let everyone be quick to hear, slow to speak andslow to anger….”Matt. 12:34-35 – “For out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks….”Matt. 5:44 – “Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that ….”Gal. 5:24 – “Now those who belong to Christ Jesus crucified the flesh with its….”Matt. 5 27-28 – “You’ve heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery.’ But I tell you….”1 Cor. 6:18 – “Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a man can commit is….”2 Tim. 2:22 – “Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity….”Romans 13:14 – “But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for….”Phil. 4:8 – “…whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure….”1 Peter 5:5 – “Dress yourselves in humility as you relate to one another, for God….”Prov. 16:18 – “Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before fall.”1 Cor. 4:7 – “What do you have that you did not receive? If then you received it, why….”Phil. 2:3-5 – “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility….”Jer. 17:9 – “The heart is more deceitful than all else and is desperately sick….”2 Cor. 12: 20 – “…there may be quarreling, jealousy, rage, rivalry, slander, gossip,”1 Tim. 5:13 – “Besides that, they learn to be idlers, going about from house to house….”Prov. 21:23 – “Whoso keepeth his mouth & his tongue keepeth his soul from troubles.” Eph. 4:31 – “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander….”Col. 3:8 – “But now you must also rid yourselves of…. anger, rage, malice, slander….”1 Peter 2:1 – “So put away all malice & all deceit & hypocrisy & envy & all slander.”Eph. 4:29 – “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only….”James 3:14-17 – “But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your heart….”2 Cor. 10:12 – “… measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves….”Col. 3:13 – “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a….”Eph. 4:32 – “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as…”Heb. 12:15 – “See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God & that no bitter root….”Matt. 6:14-15 – “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will….”Rom. 12:3 – “Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think….”Psalm 139:14 – “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made….”Genesis 1:27 – “in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.”Psalm 8:5 – “You made him a little lower than the angels; You crowned him with….”1 Cor. 6:19 – “Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within….”2 Cor. 5:15 – “He died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves….”Rom. 14:7 – “…none of us lives for himself and no man dies for himself.”RELATED LINKS:EP 28: Bible Memory Tips Taking Every Thought Captive Printable What God Hath Promised by Annie Johnson FlintPraying for Your Enemies Screwtape Letters EP 11: Forgiving Fully & FreelySTAY CONNECTED:Subscribe: Flanders Family Freebies -(weekly themed link lists of free resources)Instagram: follow @flanders_family for more great contentFamily Blog: Flanders Family Home Life (parenting tips, homeschool help, printables) Marriage Blog: Loving Life at Home (encouragement for wives, mothers, believers)

How to Overcome Bad Thoughtscomplete transcript from Episode 65

Hello, Friend.

Welcome to Episode 65 of Loving Life at Home. Today we are talking about How to Overcome Wrong Thinking.

I received a message from a reader a while back asking if I could publish a list of verses on taking every thought captive. She wrote:

Hi Jennifer,

I have been blessed to come across your wonderful blog and printables. I’m a mama to 13 and glad to gain advice for all the many seasons I find myself in at once!

One area I know I need to strengthen is the battlefield of my mind. I need to hide God’s word in my mind to combat the postpartum mom brain that is trying to [simultaneously] parent young adults, children, and nursing babies with wisdom!

Do you have a printable with scriptures that speak to the idea of taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ? I’d love to have a sheet of verses I can post on my cupboard or tuck in my Bible.

Thank you for your investment in your family and in other moms…

Well, I know from experience how taxing it sometimes feels to be tending to so many various needs of so many various ages all at once, and this mama is right: Memorizing and mediating on scripture does help.

It keeps us well-grounded and reminds us to focus our attention on the things that matter most and provides the steady source of wisdom a mother so deeply needs each and every moment of every day.

So, I did as she requested and compiled a list of ten verses that speak specifically to this idea of renewing our minds and focusing our hearts upon our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

I formatted them into a pretty, one-page printable you can download for free (I’ll put the link in today’s show notes), and I put the same ten verses – in your choice of KJV or NASB — on some pretty little individual scripture cards you can use as bookmarks or post around the house or review daily until you have them all memorized.

Free Printable Resources for Taking Every Thought Captive

The collection includes verses like…

2 Corinthians 10:5 – “We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ….”Psalm 19:14 – “Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Thy sight, O LORD, my rock and my Redeemer.”Romans 12:2 – “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good & acceptable & perfect.”

However, I’d like to expand on this topic on the podcast this morning, because combating negative or sinful or intrusive thoughts is something we all have to do at one time or other. And depending on the kind of thoughts you’re dealing with, some strategies may be more helpful than others.

1 Corinthians 10:13 tells us, “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.”

General principles for combatting wrong thoughts:

Scripture: (sword of the spirit – Eph 6:) – read, memorize, meditate…Faith: Shield of faith…Prayer: I’m a firm believer that – when it comes to wrong thinking or any other kind of spiritual attack – the strongest position from which to do battle in down on our knees. James 4:7-8 – “Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.” Jesus taught his disciples to pray in Matthew 6:13 – “And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil…”Praise & Thanksgiving:Recount past instances of God’s faithfulnessMusic: King Saul & David

So let’s consider what kinds of thought struggles commonly trip people up, and discuss strategies for taking those thoughts “captive to the obedience of Christ” so they won’t pull us down into a deep pit of despair or distraction or depravity.

1. Fear & Worry

This is a tendency that seems especially common to mothers. Deep-seated desire to protect our children, which is good. But can sometimes lead us to perseverate on all the horrible things that might go wrong….

….child: nightmares. When I am afraid, I will trust in you. Eventually learned to identify the fact I was having a bad dream, even in my sleep, and I would think… This is just a nightmare. I don’t want to dream about this , I’m going to dream about happy things, instead like Christmas or summer or garage sales – and I’d flip the switch and change that dream without even having to wake up.

But then I had to learn to do it again – not just in my dreams, but in real life as well – when I was a young mother and my firstborn was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes before he even turned 2.

Each time, I had to train myself to focus not on my problems, but on the problem solver. Not

That’s really the secret to overcoming fearful and anxious thoughts. When Satan tempts you to dwell on the waves that are threatening to engulf you, you shift your focus instead to the Savior who can quiet those waves with a word. Instead of focusing on your problems, you look to the problem solver. Instead of worrying about what’s going on in the world, you keep preaching the truth to yourself and putting your faith in the One who holds the whole world in His hands.

Isaiah 26:3 – “You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.”

It’s not that I think bad things won’t ever happen to me – I know very bad things often do happen and have no reason to believe I won’t be affected by some of them. But I am 100% confident that I will never have to face any difficulty or hardship or tragedy alone, because I know God will never leave or forsake me. And that is sufficient to keep my heart at rest and my mind at peace.

Psalm 23:4 – “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.”

I memorized a poem when I was young that highlights this line of thinking:

What God Hath Promised

by Annie Johnson Flint

God hath not promised skies always blue,
Flower-strewn pathways all our lives through;
God hath not promised sun without rain,
Joy without sorrow, peace without pain.

God hath not promised we shall not know
Toil and temptation, trouble and woe;
He hath not told us we shall not bear
Many a burden, many a care.

God hath not promised smooth roads and wide,
Swift, easy travel, needing no guide;
Never a mountain, rocky and steep,
Never a river, turbid and deep.

But God hath promised strength for the day,
Rest for the labor, light for the way,
Grace for the trials, help from above,
Unfailing sympathy, undying love.

So, those are the things I remind myself whenever Satan tries to lure me into fearful, anxious, or worried thoughts. And – if it’s any encouragement to you – he seldom even tries to trip me up that way anymore. The more you exercise those faith muscles, the stronger they get. And the more you witness God’s tender watch care over you (through good times and bad), the more confident you are that He will continue to be likewise faithful in the future.

In addition to quoting scripture to myself and meditating on God’s Word, I recommend you pray about whatever you are afraid of or worried about… take your burdens to the foot of the cross and leave them there.

Matt 11:28 – “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”Philippians 4:6-7 - “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Another category of thoughts we need to take captive to the obedience of Christ is…

Anger & Resentment –James 1:19-20 – “ let everyone be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.”

The problem is, if you give place to angry and hateful thoughts, those things are eventually going to spew out of you.

Matt 12:34-35 – “For out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks. The good man brings good things out of his good store of treasure, and the evil man brings evil things out of his evil store of treasure.”

Ways to turn those angry thoughts around: Pray for the person or the situation you’re upset with.

Jesus commands us to pray for our enemies. On the sermon on the mount, he bids us to: “

Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;” (Matt 5:44)

You start praying for the person you are at odds with– and really meaning it – and it has a way of softening your heart toward them. I suspect that as long as Satan can get us all riled up and angry about some past offense, he will continue to bring it to mind and tempt you to perseverate on it.

But when he sees that you use that same remembrance as a cue to fervently pray on behalf of that person instead of inwardly fuming at him, the devil is going to leave off even trying. Plus, of course, God gives an extra measure of grace to those who obey Him, even when they don’t feel like it, which may be true of you in the beginning…

So, we’ve talked about fear and worry. And anger and resentment. Another example of bad thinking we need to cut out is lustful thoughts and uncontrolled appetites….

Lust & Perverted AppetitesGalatians 5:24 – “Now those who belong to Christ Jesus crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.”Matthew 5 27-28 – “You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman to lust after her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”1 Cor 618 – “Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a man can commit is outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.”2 Tim 2:22 – “Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart.”

Strategies to combat lusts & sinful cravings:

Change location. Avoid isolation. Get an accountability partner – ideally as spouse or a parent, but if that won’t work for whatever reason, then find a fellow believer who will hold you accountable and ask tough questions. Also, follow advice given in Romans 13:14, “But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh in regard to its lusts.” Other versions: “And don’t let yourself think about ways to indulge or gratify your evil desires.”

By the way, we tend to think of lust as being sexual in nature, but there are other kinds of sinful cravings that can sidetrack us: food addiction. Social media addiction. Drugs and alcohol or cigarettes. Or shopping or gambling.

So when Scripture tells us to make no provision for the flesh, it means we need to set up roadblocks and safeguards to protect ourselves from making poor choices in any of these areas. Because stumbling in any of these areas rarely starts with the act itself, but with thinking about the act. Which, again, is why it is so important we take all such thoughts captive instead of letting them control us.

I don’t normally wake up in the morning to find a pound of fantasy fudge in my mouth, just waiting to be swallowed. No, in order for me to eat that much fudge, I’m gonna first have to think about how good it would taste, and then decide to eat some – maybe just a small piece.

Then I’d have to procure it. If I’d truly “made no provision for the flesh” that means I would have stocked fudge in my pantry, so I’d have to go to the store to buy some, or at least buy the ingredients to make some…

And them bring them home. Then whip it up. Then wait for it to set. Then cut it into squares. Then eat first one piece, then another, then another, then another, until I’d ingested an entire pan of it, and then I’d probably feel sick and regret it….

But none of that began with the eating. it all started with that initial craving and my decision to indulge the craving.

The same pattern holds for any temptation you act on. First, it enters your mind, and later – often much later – you act on it.

I don’t believe that initial temptation, the moment some wild thought first occurs to us, is a sin. When we first notice it flit into our stream of consciousness, we should reject it completely. We could say “Whoa, I don’t know where that thought came from, but it is not reflective of my heart and I’m going to jettison it immediately – just like I used to do with those bad dreams – and think about something just, pure, lovely, right, true, virtuous and praiseworthy instead (Phil 4:8)

It’s not until we make a willful decision to entertain the thought – when we invite it draw up a chair and stay awhile – that there’s a problem. As Martin Luther once said, “we cannot prevent the birds from flying over our head, but there is no need to let them nest in our hair.”

Another category of thoughts that we need to clear away are those that spring from…

Arrogance & Pride

Scripture makes it clear that our pride is so offensive to God. 1 Peter 5:5 commands us to “dress yourselves in humility as you relate to one another, for “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.”

“Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before fall.” Prov 16:18

To combat pride: Be mindful of the fact that everything you have came from God. Your looks. Your brains. Your talents. Your abilities. Your possessions. All of it.

1 Corinthians 4:7 – “What do you have that you did not receive? If then you received it, why do you boast as if you did not receive it?”

Important that we recognize the difference between pride and confidence. Pride is the quality of having an excessively high opinion of oneself or one’s importance – it craves recognition and honor.

Confidence—at least for the believer–is an acknowledgement that God has specially gifted you in a particular area and a willingness to use that gifting in service to others and to the glory of God.

This definition of confidence goes hand-in-hand with the humility we’re told in Philippians 2:3-5 to cultivate:

“Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility consider one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus”

I love what C.S. Lewis wrote about pride in the Screwtape Letters: The senior demon Screwtape was giving advice to his nephew Wormwood, a junior demon, on how to trip humans up in the area of pride:

“By this method thousands of humans have been brought to think that humility means pretty women trying to believe they are ugly and clever men trying to believe they are fools. And since what they are trying to believe may, in some cases, be manifest nonsense, they cannot succeed in believing it and we have the chance of keeping their minds endlessly revolving on themselves in an effort to achieve the impossible.”
C.S.Lewis

And that sums up the problem succinctly. Pride keeps our attention focused on ourselves.

Turning our focus outward (on how can I serve others?) instead of inward (what do others think about ME?) is one of the best ways I know to combat pride and arrogance.

I’ve found that two tell-tale signs that there is still some pride to be rooted out of my heart?

FIRST – If I’m over-sensitive to pride in other people. It takes one to know one! True humility lets you stop the comparison game altogether.

Most likely, you’ll still be able to recognize prideful behavior in somebody else, but it won’t get under your skin the way it does when you feel like that person is jockeying for the attention YOU want and deserve for yourself.

SECOND – When I’m overly concerned that somebody might think I’m being prideful, I’m probably being prideful. Being humble means being okay if others have a low opinion of you, provided your heart is right before God.

(Story about head covering)

Same with pride. I know people sometimes mistake my confidence for pride. God made me really good at a lot of things, and I want to use all the gifts He’s given me for the good of others and for His glory. But If I let my concern that others might think I’m being prideful cause me to shrink back from doing something God has called me to do, then that in itself is an act of pride. False humility is not humility at all—it is just pride pretending to be humble.

I’ve had to make peace with the fact that people won’t ever fully understand my heart or my motives. Jeremiah 17:9 indicates that I don’t even understand it myself: “The heart is more deceitful than all else and is desperately sick; Who can understand it?”

All I can do is to align my thoughts and actions with Christ’s as best I can, to be more concerned with what God thinks than with the opinion of man, and trust the LORD to conform me to the image of His dear Son, thus completing the good work He began in me.

Another category of bad thoughts we must guard against is closely related to pride, and that is…

Gossip & Slander2 Cor 12: 20 – “For I am afraid that when I come, I may not find you as I wish, and you may not find me as you wish. I fear that there may be quarreling, jealousy, rage, rivalry, slander, gossip, arrogance, and disorder.”

He warns in 1 Tim 5:13 – “Besides that, they learn to be idlers, going about from house to house, and not only idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying what they should not.”

Combat it with old adage, “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.”

Put a guard on your mouth.

Prov. 21:23 - "Whoso keepeth his mouth and his tongue keepeth his soul from troubles.” -

Slander appears in multiple lists of things the Bible tells us to put away: Eph 4:31, Col 3:8; 1 Peter 2:1.

Eph 4:29 – “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”

Another category of wrong thoughts we must combat includes…

Jealousy, Envy, & DiscontentmentJames 3:14-17 – “But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your heart, do not be arrogant and so lie against the truth. This wisdom is not that which comes down from above, but is earthly, natural, demonic. For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and every evil thing. But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peace-loving, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial, free of hypocrisy.”

To combat jealous, envious thoughts:

Stop comparing – 2 Cor 10:12 warns against measuring ourselves against ourselves and comparing ourselves with ourselves. When you catch yourself doing this, STOP and insteadCount your blessings and start thanking God for them.Also thank God for blessing the person you’re envious of and pray that He would continue to do so

Another kind of bad thinking we must guard against is…

Bitterness & Unforgiveness

I’ve posted an entire episode on forgiveness in the past—I think it’s Episode 11—which I’ll link in the show notes, so I hope you’ll tune in if this kind of wrong thinking is a problem for you. But if I were struggling with such thoughts, this is the truth I’d be preaching to myself:

Col. 3:13 – “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”Eph. 4:32 – “ Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”Heb. 12:15 – “See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.”Matt 6:14-15 – “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive yours.”

Yet another category of intrusive thoughts we must guard against are those centered on…

Self-Loathing or Self-Harm

Just as we should not think of ourselves more highly than we ought, we must also resist the urge to demean ourselves

Rom. 12:3 – “Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you.”

Sober judgement means we have a proper understanding of our worth in Christ – which is significant.

Jesus loved us enough to die for us. (John 3:16)Psalm 139:14 tells us we were fearfully and wonderfully made.Genesis 1:27 tells us God created us in His own image: “in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.”Psalm 8:5 says God made us a little lower than the angels and crowned us with glory and honor.

There is no room for self-loathing when you have an accurate view of the crowning jewel of God’s creation, which is humankind.

And as for self-harm, 1 Corinthians 6:19 commands us:

“Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have been bought for a price: therefore glorify God in your body.”2 Corinthians 5:15 - "He died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves, but for Him who died for them and was raised again.

Romans 14:7 reminds us that “none of us lives for himself and no man dies for himself.” So let us say with Paul, “I have been crucified with Christ, and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.”

If this latter kind of wrong thinking is a persistent problem, I recommend you talk to a trustworthy fellow believer about it – preferably a parent or spouse – who can hold you hold you accountable, check up on you regularly, and help you find professional help if you need it.

Also, do your best to identify triggers and avoid them. If reading certain books, watching certain shows, or consuming certain media make thoughts of self-loathing or self-harm more frequent, then avoid those books, shows, and media!

I have a very empathetic daughter who, many years ago, spent a lot of time researching suicide prevention. But she eventually realized she was sacrificing her own mental health by spending so much time focused on the terribly sad stories, so she stopped doing that.

I remember coming to a similar conclusion back in the early years of marriage when I was at home alone with two little babies all day long and used to watch a very popular talk show every afternoon. At the time, it seemed like that show featured all sorts of guests who came from the most dysfunctional families you could imagine – and being very empathetic myself, just like my daughter, those stories would get inside my head and color the way I saw my own life circumstances – and not in a good way.

Thankfully, God took care of that situation pretty quickly by allowing our television set to blow up – with smoke and sparks and everything – and I noticed such a vast improvement with my own thought life in the absence of those talk shows and new programs that we ended up never replacing the TV. Which is one of the best marital decisions my husband and I ever made.

I’m sure there are a lot of categories of wrong thinking I haven’t covered, but I’m going to lump those all together in an umbrella group called…

Faulty, Unbiblical thinking

Anytime you entertain thoughts that run contrary to God’s Word, you are heading for trouble. This, again, is why we need to be well grounded in Scripture – reading it, memorizing it, and meditating on it daily, so we can easily recognize thoughts that don’t line up with it, reject them, and replace them with the truth.

I hope you’ll commit to living like the Bereans, who examined the scriptures daily. And I hope the tips and verses I’ve shared today will help you rise above any wrong thoughts that have attempted to drag you down and walk in victory over them. If you can win this battle of the mind, the rest of your Christian walk will be just that much easier.

The post EP 65: How to Overcome Wrong Thinking appeared first on Loving Life at Home.

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Published on November 07, 2024 01:39