Jennifer Flanders's Blog

EP 100: Q&A – Busy Toddlers, Morning Sickness, & Dealing with Disapproving Parents

I’m answering more questions from listeners on Episode 100 of the Loving Life at Home podcast. Tun in as we discuss training toddlers, homeschooling with morning sickness and dealing with parents who seem to disapprove of your life choices.

Show NotesVERSES CITED:Matthew 6:27 – “Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?”James 1:5  – “But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him.”Philippians 2:3-4 – “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.” RELATED LINKS: EP 9: The Best Way to Handle Negative CommentsEP 68: The Time My Husband Almost Got a VasectomyStop, Drop, and Roll – free printable exercise gameHow Do You Handle Picky Eaters – our best tips5 Smart Ways to Get Kids to Eat More VegetablesAge-Appropriate Chores – free printable chartCultivating Creativity in Young Children – free printable chartFrench Kids Eat Everything – book by Karen Le BillonKeeping Toddlers OccupiedGod Hath Not Promised HymnSTAY CONNECTED:Subscribe: Flanders Family Freebies -weekly themed link lists of free resourcesInstagram: @flanders_family – follow for more great contentFamily Blog: Flanders Family Home Life – parenting tips, homeschool help, printablesMarriage Blog: Loving Life at Home– encouragement for wives, mothers, believersMy Books: Shop Online – find on Amazon, at Barnes & Noble, or through our websiteQ&A: Toddlers, Sickness, & DisapprovalFull transcript from episode 100

Hello, friend. Welcome to Loving Life at Home: Episode 100. Can you believe it? I finally reached the double digits! And I want to celebrate by answering some more questions from my mailbox. Topics today range from busy boys to baby announcements to homeschooling when you’re queasy. So let’s jump right in and get started.

Q: How do you handle family’s negative response to baby news?

My first question is about how to handle extended family’s lackluster response to pregnancy announcements. This reader writes:

Hello! I recently discovered your podcast after hearing you speak on Abbie Halberstadt’s podcast. Thank you for your mentor-style content!

My husband and I are missionaries. We’ve had [six children in six years, including a set of twins]. I just listened to your 2nd episode and wanted to ask you about dealing with disapproving parents. In this case, it is my own parents.

Two years ago, our work took us far away from all our extended family, which has been a very difficult transition. When my parents came for a visit, we happily announced that we were expecting another baby. To which my dad responded, “Are you serious?!” – and not in a cheerful manner.

My mom stayed with us for a while after our youngest child was born, but there has been tension ever since. We feel like a burden to our family, but we don’t have any other support. Any encouraging words?

A: Give it time (and lots of grace).

You can be excited about your pregnancy, and you can tell others about your pregnancy, but you can’t force others to be excited about your pregnancy.

I’ve done a podcast episode on this topic in the past which I’ll link in today’s show notes, but the main thing I recommend is – first – to understand that any other person’s reaction to your pregnancy announcement has more to do with his or her own particular beliefs and struggles and worries than it does with you, and – second – to assume the best on their behalf.

This is especially true when the lackluster reactions are coming from family members. Give them time to warm up to the idea, and – unless they tell you differently – assume any reservations they express are coming from a place of love and concern for you.

Time to call it quits?

Like when my father tried to privately talk my husband into getting a vasectomy after our third was born. I know Dad’s main concern was my health, because (due to the baby’s position) walking was painful during my last trimester of that pregnancy (pregnancy #3) and the delivery was more difficult than it had been with my other two babies. And I’m sure it worried Dad to think that downward trend might continue through subsequent pregnancies (although, thankfully, it didn’t).

Even my own mother greeted those early pregnancy announcements with more trepidation than joy. I’ve never really thought of my mother as someone who is prone to worry – she has such a vibrant faith in God and is so faithful in prayer, I can’t imagine her worrying about anything for very long .

That’s how I am, too. I’m out like a light as soon as my head touches the pillow. Jesus reminds us we can’t add a minute to our life or an inch to our stature by worrying and commands us not to do it. So I don’t. I just leave all my concerns at the foot of the cross and trust Him to take care of them.

Wait until the weekend

And I’m pretty sure that’s what my mother does as well. But I guess I must’ve put that character quality to the test when I was younger, because at one point, she asked me to just wait until Friday to announce any future pregnancies.

She was working at that time and explained that it might adversely affect her job performance if I told her I was pregnant during the week because she would lose sleep thinking about it. By waiting until Friday to give her that kind of news, she had the whole weekend to recover before having to head back into the office on Monday.

Well, for Mom, I think she was primarily worried about the financial stress of a growing family. My husband was a student, and we were living on school loans for the first five years of our marriage. Then he was in a high-stress, low-pay residency for the next five years, so I suspect that my mother was afraid the extra strain of a growing family might cause him to drop out and never finish his training.

That turned out to be an unfounded worry (probably because my mom spent so much time praying against it while she lay awake in bed after each pregnancy announcement), but at the time, I’m sure it seemed like a very real possibility to her.

Once Doug graduated and we moved to Tyler, I remember calling Mom and saying, “Well, Mom, it’s Friday. Can you guess what I’m going to tell you?”

Baffled, she answered, “No. What?”

Then when I told her we were expecting another baby, she asked, “What does that have to do with it being Friday?”

So I reminded her of her earlier request, at which point she laughed a little sheepishly and said, “Oh, Jennifer. I stopped worrying about you a long time ago.”

Fortunately, she still prays for me daily, as well as for my husband and all our kids and grandkids and dozens of other people by name, who are all on her prayer list. But it’s a comfort to think that she’s no longer losing sleep over us or our life decisions.

consider root cause of their concerns

So that’s what I would say about people who don’t seem as enthused about your pregnancy announcements as you’d like them to be. Extend grace and give them time to warm up to the idea and do your best to alleviate any underlying fears or concerns they may have on your behalf.

Understand that they may also have fears on their own behalf. More children means more mouths to feed each time you come to visit. More space that is needed to accommodate a bigger crowd. More birthdays to remember and more Christmas gifts to buy.

I know this for a fact, because that was a concern that  my own mother-in-law voiced to me when we had our fourth or fifth baby. She said she wouldn’t be able to keep up with all the birthdays or afford to buy the same kinds of gifts or lavish the same attention on half a dozen or more children she could give to one or two.

And that is absolutely a valid concern. You can’t give twelve children the same upbringing you might give an only child. But that’s okay.

I assured my mother-in-law that we didn’t expect her to buy our kids any gifts for Christmas or birthdays. That the toys that we invested in for the first two kids would still be serviceable for the next ten or twelve. And they have been. And they’ve entertained our grandchildren as well.

I told her we didn’t have space for a bunch of individual gifts for each individual child, anyway. That we’d rather have the children than the trappings. And that they could buy a family gift – like a book for us to read aloud together or a game we could play together – if they felt so inclined, but they needn’t even do that if it stressed them out at all, and that we wouldn’t think any less of them for not sending gifts. And we don’t. I’m thankful Doug’s mom was willing to be honest with me and tell me what was bothering her.

Of course, gifts for special occasion are a minor concern compared to figuring out what to do if something happened to you.  Your parents might fear that, if you were to die, they’d be left holding the bag when it came to taking care of their grandchildren. And while they might feel up to the task of raising one or two, the thought having to feed and clothe and shelter and care for a whole houseful of children might make their head spin. So those concerns might dampen that the joy they’d otherwise feel about having another grandbaby.

That’s why it’s important for you to pray for them with the same fervency you’d like them to adopt in praying for you.

reducing the tension between you

As for feeling like a burden to your family, I don’t really know what to tell you. Family dynamics differ from situation to situation, and there are undoubtedly a lot of factors contributing to the tension that you’re feeling. But as far as general principles go, I would focus on the following principles:

1 – Pray for wisdom

James 1:5 promises as God will give generously to anybody who asks for wisdom. So start there.

2 – Teach your children to be a blessing

Train them to say “please” and “thank you.” “Yes, sir” and “no, m’am,”  to pitch in and help with chores whenever they can, to be kind to one another and to their elders, to play quietly without bickering, and to keep their voices calm. No screaming! My husband’s grandmother used to clinch her head if our little ones got the least bit loud – even if it was happy laughter. Such high pitched noises would make her hearing aids ring.

So we tried to be sensitive to that ourselves and to explain to our children why it was so important to keep our voices down around Nanny and Poppy. And if they started to get a little boisterous, we’d take them out for a walk around the block or visit a park down the street where they could run a little of that excess energy off before returning to their great-grandparents’ house.

3 – Review rules with your children beforehand

Remind them not to snoop through drawers or go into remote areas of the house or touch things without permission. My husband’s grandparents inevitably had loose pills sitting on their kitchen table every time we came to visit. They would sprinkle them out of their childproof bottles first thing every morning as a reminder to take them at intervals throughout the day.

So it would’ve been very dangerous for our kids to grab that sort of thing and ingest it when we weren’t looking. We had to watch the baby like a hawk whenever we were at Nanny and Poppy’s house, but we could generally rely on our older children to follow the rules we had established and practiced for so long by that time.

5 – Realize your parents are getting older

Your parents may not be physically able to do what they used to do.

When I was younger, I could strap a newborn to my chest, carry a toddler on one hip, and push a cart loaded with 2-3 children and a week’s worth of groceries up and down every aisle of Walmart and not think a thing about it. I’d probably break my back or my neck or drop a child on their head if I attempted such a feat these days. It would be imprudent to even try.

I’m at the age that if I wrench my back or injure my shoulder, it may be 10-11 months before it feels quite right or is fully mobile again. So I’ve learned to be careful.

I still enjoy holding babies, but I sit down and let them crawl onto my lap or have their parents hand them to me rather than bending over and trying to pick them up myself. And when I get down on the floor to play with them, I’ve learned to be careful not to twist my knees or sit in certain positions, because I know that I’ll pay for it later.

6 – Be grateful for what help you do get

Say thank you. Let them know how much you appreciate it. Let it slide if they don’t do everything exactly as you would do it.

I remember one time, my husband gave a piece of candy to one of our grandsons without first checking with his parents if that were alright. Even I was appalled that he would do such a thing. That child had never had any refined sugar before.

But my son and daughter-in-law were both so gracious. They told my husband not to worry about it. It was bound to happen sooner or later anyway. Which was such a kindness to us, because they could’ve just as easily treated us like we’d ruined their little boy or destroyed his gut health or decided they would never be able to trust us to do right by their children. And that would’ve definitely put some undue strain on our relationship.

So be very careful how you handle that kind of situation and how you react when things like that happen. Nobody likes feeling judged or as if they are the cause of bitter disappointment. Also #7…

7 – Avoid taking undue advantage of your family members

Don’t be the relative who only ever calls when you need a favor. Invest in building and maintaining a good relationship with your parents when you are between babies, so that if/when you ask for their help after future deliveries, they don’t feel used.

Think more in terms of how you can serve and honor them rather than focusing your attention on all the things that you wish they were doing for you to make your life easier.

This, again, is just a straightforward application of Philippians 2:3-4, “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.” And “others” would include your parents.

8 – Consider your parenting method

Also, you need to understand that the way you discipline your children may become a bone of contention with relatives, particularly if you have chosen a different parenting style than your own parents she used.

That generally is not a problem as long as your children are well behaved. No questions get asked usually when everybody is minding and not causing any kind of ruckus.

But if you’ve chosen a parenting style that requires you never to say no to your children or to give negative consequences for misbehavior or even label misbehavior as something that’s undesirable, then there is a good chance your children are not going to be pleasant people to be around. Either for you or for extended family and certainly not for strangers.

That is really a shame and puts the children at a disadvantage. If your children are rowdy, and your parents can tell you are taking appropriate steps to address that, they will likely have grace for both you and for their grandchildren.

That was certainly the case for me and my husband, as we raised our 12. Almost all of them went through stages that were especially trying or challenging, but our parents were supportive and understanding because they knew we were doing our best to raise them up in the fear and admonition of the Lord.

The same is true for our own grandchildren, who’ve all definitely had their moments of defiance, but we know our grown children and their spouses are doing a wonderful job of training their children according to the Bible, so we don’t worry that those hard stages will last forever.

We are already seeing the excellent fruit in our older grandchildren, and we continue to pray — alongside their parents — that God will continue to give wisdom and guidance as they raise each child in the way he or she should go and that He would give the children the grace to accept and respond positively to the loving discipline that their parents provide.

But, of course, if your parents get the impression that you have completely thumbed your nose at how you were raised yourself and have embraced a parenting method that is not producing good fruit, then any tension you might feel in such a circumstance would be completely understandable.

Nobody likes chaos. But unfortunately, some of the most popular parenting methods being touted today almost inevitably lead to a frenetic home life and demanding, entitled children. So, don’t let that be you.

My next question:

Q: Any tips for teaching when I feel sick?

Hi, Jennifer.

I am still really enjoying your podcasts so Thank you so much! So pleased to hear that you are now cancer free!

I wondered if you could give some advice on how to home educate when morning sickness hits? Are there any changes you made or any advice you have?!! 

Thank you so much

A: Be flexible and try to think outside the boxMove supplies within easy reach
If you need to lie down on the couch during homeschool hours and have a coffee table nearby where you can stash all of the school books and supplies that you need to homeschool, I would do that. Or even if you’re in bed and can keep a laundry basket by your bed full of what you need, that would be helpful. Just keep it within easy reach so that you can take out the books that you need, read them aloud with the children or have them read them to you and not have to get up and move around a lot when you’re feeling queasy.
Focus on basics
Do reading and math. If you can get that done every day, I would feel like that was a success. Do those whenever and at whatever time of day that you feel at your peak and then fit other subjects in as you’re able.
Enlist children’s help
Then enlist your children’s help They can learn to do simple food prep. Teach them to make a few easy things, even if it’s just peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, things or cheese and crackers or wash the grapes and the fruit, peel the oranges, that kind of thing. Teach them how to make some snacks and easy lunches for themselves and for their younger siblings and that will help out a lot. Then you can also have them fetch things for you and read to younger siblings

When we first moved to Tyler and I was pregnant with number six and had a baby that would fall asleep in the car when we were driving to the grocery store, I would end up sending my 11 and 12 year old in to buy the groceries. I’d give them a shopping list and a credit card. They’d go in and gather them all up and bring them back to the car where I was resting with the children and that really worked well. They got to where they not only did the shopping, but they’d put the groceries away when we got home and they loved getting to cook things too. So that was a huge help to me when I didn’t really get a very bad morning sickness, but I was really extremely fatigued when I was pregnant, especially with those first nine or 10 kids. Actually, when I got to my 40s, my pregnancies were much more energetic than they were when I was younger. So go figure. But enlist your kids’ help when you can.
Read aloud
A lot of topics can be covered with multiple age ranges, your history for sure and literature and even some of your science can be read aloud or you can check out audible books, either sign up for audible through Amazon or check out books on tape at the library and play those so that the kids, I really prefer that to video because children can work on art projects and things like that or build with Legos while they’re listening and it’s not quite as addictive, I don’t think, to just hear stories. And you can have your kids narrate the story back to you or briefly summarize the lessons taught that you’re covering in your read alouds. So we did a lot of that as I was able to with my pregnancies.
Play games.
Trygames of concentration, logic games, smart games, things like that, floor puzzles and logic puzzles. We’d even play spelling as if it were a game, you know, either do around the world where they sat down when they missed a spelling word or my sister gave us little dry erase paddles where I could call out a word and everybody would write it on their paddle and just turn it and let me see if they spelled it right and I could correct them and not have to leave the couch to do that.
Make sure they exercise
hey’ll need some exercise and if you’re feeling queasy and you can’t get up and drive them to the park or that kind of thing, you can oversee calisthenics in your own home. Do push-up competitions or wall sitting or planks or I have printables that make a little set of cards called Stomp, Drop and Roll where you roll a die and it tells you how many repetitions of each card that you’re going to do. So there’s squats and lunges and jumping jacks, different exercises on each card. Each child will pick a card, roll the die and then do that many repetitions of that particular exercise. So that’s a fun way to do it. I’ll link those printables. They’re free on our family website in today’s show notes if you want to try that. And that helps the kids burn off a little bit of energy also.
Investigate online courses
And then especially for older children, some online or video lessons might be appropriate for doing school when mom is too queasy to tackle those subjects herself. We’ve done physical science that way and economics. I havea video program for economics that was really good. And also world history. We’ve done some world history through video courses. So check those out as well.
Q: Help! My toddler is running me ragged!

Then, my next letter comes from a mother in her early 20s who has two young children and is expecting a third. She writes:

Jennifer! I have enjoyed consuming your podcast over the last few weeks and would love your thoughts on some troubles I am running into as I raise my babies. I am really struggling with my 2-year-old.

He is a very picky eater. We eat healthy and whole ingredient foods. We practice hospitality and I am regularly being asked for my recipes so I don’t think my cooking is the problem. Every meal is a challenge to get him to eat and I am feeling worn down. I do not provide alternatives at that meal but I note what he refuses to eat and try not to make it often. Practically every night he is telling us he’s hungry at bedtime and I don’t play that game. That’s one problem.
The other is he is very sneaky and smart and gets into things constantly. He knows what he is doing is wrong and does it when my back is turned. It’s exhausting to have to always be on and thinking about what he could possibly destroy next and I am just tired.

He has been consistently biblically discipled…. If it’s a mess he can help clean up, I make him do it, but I am at a loss. It’s been going on for so long.

Just the other day he locked me out of my bedroom when he was supposed to be napping, found my mascara and rubbed it all over the floor and walls in my bedroom as well as dumped out some expensive medicines and essential oils. He has…colored on the walls and his face, dumped out bulk spices, gotten into our ducks pen and brought their poop covered items into our house and the last goes on.

I am confident I am at the beginning of raising a young man who will be a very hard worker and very smart one day but today this mama is tired and at a loss of what to do.

I hoped maybe with 12 kids you have had at least one like this and could provide me with some ideas of what I can do differently or better. We live in a small house, so he can’t get far without my knowing —  but there is cooking and cleaning and other babies to attend to. He does do chores around the house with me but if I don’t monitor him he will abandon the chore or make a mess so putting him to work while I am doing things doesn’t seem to be helpful at this age.

If this is just God working out His will in me to conform me more into the image of His Son I will gladly endure, but as an older woman in the faith I hoped you could some insight or encouragement!

A: Don’t grow weary in well-doing

So yes, I’m sure that God is using this to conform you to the image of his son but that doesn’t mean that you can’t address it as well. So let’s break it up: first picky eaters.

dealing with picky eaters

I don’t think I’ve ever done a podcast on that topic but I know I’ve addressed it at least a couple of times on our family blog so I will be sure to link those posts in the show notes. Essentially I’d recommend that you keep offering good wholesome food to your children at mealtimes and not stock your pantry with junk food — which is exactly what it sounds like you’re doing.

have them help prepare meals

I always found it helpful to enlist the children’s help in the kitchen and or the garden where they’re just standing right beside you. I know that you say if you set him to work on a chore he abandons it or makes a mess, but if he’s right there, kind of connected at the hip with you, then you’re able to kind of keep an eye on him as he works.

I found that when my kids help in the kitchen or the garden, they’re more interested in eating those things that they’ve cooked or helped cook or grow themselves. And by investing in extra tools like potato peelers and can openers and paring knives, they can easily lend a hand without substantially slowing your progress on meal prep. So I’d recommend maybe doing some of that with your little boy.

keep offering new foods

Also don’t worry if your child doesn’t embrace a huge variety of foods while he’s younger. It takes multiple exposures for a lot of kids to develop a taste for a new food so just keep encouraging him to try a bite of whatever you serve but don’t force the issue or serve them the same plate of food again and again at the next meal if they don’t finish it at the first. That’s just gross.

When I was growing up I used to gag every time my mother served green beans but she just kept encouraging me to try one bite each time I had the opportunity even if I spit it right back out on my plate instead of swallowing it and eventually green beans became one of my very favorite vegetables. But, honestly, not until I was an adult. So I’m so thankful that she didn’t force the issue when I was little. I doubt I would ever have learned to like them if she had.

Don’t make food your hill to die on.

I had one son who at age three had a very short list of things that he liked to eat. It included peanut butter, broccoli, cream gravy, and salad. Now he never got cream gravy at my house, only at Nana’s, but it was one of the few things that he would eat.

And I was happy that the peanut butter and the salad and broccoli were on his short list because those were at least reasonably healthy. So I just made sure that there was always a salad available no matter what I served for dinner and we had lots of peanut butter toast and peanut butter sandwiches when he was little too.

Even now I have a 17-year-old who doesn’t eat meat and hasn’t for nearly a decade. It’s not because of any health reasons. He just doesn’t like the texture. And lest you think that that makes him malnourished, I’ll tell you he’s six foot seven and he’s extremely muscular. So it hasn’t slowed his growth any not to be eating meat. Likewise, our 15-year-old daughter doesn’t like cheese, but whatever calcium deficit going essentially dairy-free creates has not slowed her growth either. She’s six foot, a little bit over six foot now at this point, a volleyball player, very athletic.

And as for that little boy who only wanted peanut butter and salad as a child, he’s turning 30 in a couple of weeks, and he’s as fit and healthy as ever. And he also eats a much wider variety of food now as an adult than he did as a toddler.

An excellent book on this topic is French Kids Eat Everything. I think that’s the name of it, something similar. If not, I’ll try to link that in the show notes. It was an intriguing read as the way the French view food and mealtime is so different than the way that most Americans view it. I thoroughly enjoyed reading that book, and I would recommend it to anybody who struggles with getting their kids to eat.

channel children’s energy into creative/constructive pursuits

As for dealing with busy boys who seem bent on destroying things, that stage won’t last forever either, especially if you learn how to channel their energy and curiosity, both of which are great qualities when put to proper use.

And you’re right: Your little boy will probably be a very hard worker and very smart as he gets older, if you can just harness that in a good direction while he’s younger. So I know that trying to do that sounds exhausting, especially when you have other little ones that need your attention.

Basically you want to teach your little ones to do constructive and creative things rather than things that destroy and demolish. So give them building blocks and Duplo blocks, that sort of thing. Give them real tools and real chores.

I’ll link a couple of blog posts in the show notes that may be of value to you and give you some ideas for how to channel that energy. One is a list of children’s chores broken down by age range. It’s not a hard and fast checklist. It’s just some general suggestions for things that most children could be expected to do by certain benchmark ages.

For your two to three year old, that might look like:

Giving them some wet wipes or a damp rag and asking them to wipe down baseboards or doorknobs or light switches.Having them pick up sticks or pine cones in the yard and put them in a basket for kindling.Sorting washcloths by color and folding them in fourths.Picking up blocks off the floor once they’re finished playing with them and putting them away.Sorting clean silverware, forks with forks and spoons with spoons.Peeling carrots and chopping lettuce or de-stemming grapes in the kitchen for snacks or mealtime.

You get the idea. If your toddler is forever getting into things and making messes when you’re not looking, you may want to make him your little buddy. Like I said, keep him right by your side doing tasks that you can supervise as you work with the other children.

let them use their imagination

As for creative play, draw a bunch of lines on a piece of paper and give them a pair of blunt scissors and let them cut along the lines. That’s kept many of our toddlers busy for at least 15 to 20 minutes at a time.

And another thing my kids have loved and that I loved myself as a child and that my grandchildren enjoy now too is playing with a dollop of shaving cream at the kitchen table. Our table was covered in formica when I was growing up, so it didn’t do any damage to the tabletop. Of course, if you’re eating off an antique family heirloom, you might want to reconsider this activity. But when you smooth a little shaving cream over that table surface, the kids can draw pictures or practice their letters in it. It’s a real interesting texture. And like I said, our kids have loved doing it. Ditto for playing with clay or Play-Doh.

Also, you don’t have to spend a lot of money on art supplies. My kids enjoyed having access to empty cereal boxes and plastic lids and jars and empty tin cans for craft projects. I would just toss all those items. I’d rinse them and toss them in a recycle bucket at the bottom of our pantry and our kids would raid it to make all sorts of creative craft projects. If you provide a little duct tape and a pair of scissors or some string and a yarn, just let them use their imagination.

When my children were all younger, I kept a list of activities that my toddlers could safely do with minimal supervision. And I would refer to that often and set them to one such task to keep them busy while I homeschooled the older siblings. I think I still have a version of that on our family website.

I’ll look it up and link that in the show notes today as well. Maybe that will help you with your rambunctious boys. I certainly hope so.

Q: Did you know that’s a hymn?

Then my last letter this week was from a listener who writes:

Hi, Jennifer.

Your most recent podcast, How to Live a Yielded Life, was really good. I appreciate it. I’m newly pregnant for the fifth time after a miscarriage earlier. fifth time after a miscarriage earlier this year. I’m doing my best to trust the Lord through this process.

The poem you mentioned reminded me of a hymn we sing at church. I looked it up and it seems to be the same thing. We just sing it to music.

Thank you for taking time to do all that you do.

Sincerely, Emily.

A: I do now. Thanks!

And the poem she was talking about is: “God has not promised skies always blue, flower-strewn pathways all your life through….: (that poem that I quoted last week).

I will link that hymn that she told me about in the show notes. I had no idea that it had been set to music, but I’m so glad somebody did that! I hope the song will be a blessing to you, too. I’ll look forward to visiting with you again next week.

The post EP 100: Q&A – Busy Toddlers, Morning Sickness, & Dealing with Disapproving Parents appeared first on Loving Life at Home.

EP 99: Living a Yielded Life

Jesus calls believers to deny themselves, take up their cross, and follow Him. But what does a life wholly yielded to God even look like in this day and age? It is marked by a willingness to:

Die to yourselfTrust God completelyKnow God’s WordSubmit to His willPoint others to JesusSuffer for His nameFollow Christ aloneLove others selflessly

We are unpacking all that and more this week on the Loving Life at Home Podcast. I hope you’ll listen in and be encouraged.

Show NotesVERSES CITED:John 12:23-24 – “…unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.’”Matthew 16:24 – “Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me.” (see also Luke 9:23 and Mark 8:34)Mark 8:35 – “For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake and the gospel will save it.”1 John 2:17 – “The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever.”1 Corinthians 10:31 – “Whether, then, you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.”Philippians 1:21 – “For me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain.”Luke 22:42 – “Father, not my will, but thine be done.”Hebrews 12:1 – “… let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.”2 Timothy 4:7 – “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the course, I have kept the faith”Ephesians 2:10 – “For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them.”1 Corinthians 2:14 – “The unbeliever does not receive the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him. And he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned.”1 Corinthians 1:27 – “God has chosen the foolish things of the world to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to shame the things which are strong,”Romans 8:28 – “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His”Hebrews 10:23 – “Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful.”Psalm 100:5 – “…the LORD isgood; his mercy is everlasting; and his truth endures to all generations.”Jeremiah 29:11 – “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”Psalm 119:105 – “Thy word isa lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.”Ephesians 2:4-10 – “But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ…”Isaiah 45:9 – “Woe to the one who quarrels with his Maker— An earthenware vessel among the vessels of earth! Will the clay say to the potter, ‘What are you doing?’ Or the thing you are making say, ‘He has no hands ‘?Romans 9:20-21 – “…Does not the potter have the right to make from the same lump of clay one vessel for special occasions and another for common use?”John 3:30 – “He must increase; I must decrease.”Philippians 1:27-29 – “For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe in Him, but also to suffer for Him.”Philippians 3:10 – “That I might know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death….”John 16:33 – “These things I have spoken unto you, that in Me you might have peace. In the world you will have tribulation, but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.”Psalm 23:4 – “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.”Matthew 10:28 – “Don’t be afraid of those who want to kill your body; they cannot touch your soul. Fear only God, who can destroy both soul and body in hell.”2 Corinthians 12:8-9 – “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”Hebrews 12:2 – “…fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”Job 2:9 – “Then his wife said to him, ‘Do you still hold fast your integrity? Curse God and die!’”Job 1:21 – “He said, ‘Naked I came from my mother’s womb, And naked I shall return there. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away. Blessed be the name of the LORD.’”John 14:6 – “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”1 Corinthians 11:1 – “Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ.”Jeremiah 17:9 – “The heart is more deceitful than all else And is desperately sick; Who can understand it?”Hebrews 13:8 – “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.”Matthew 25:35 – “Heaven and earth will pass away, but My words will not pass away.”Luke 10:27 – “Love the Lord thy God with all your heart and soul and mind and strength… and love your neighbor as yourself.”John 13:35 – “By this will all men know you are my disciples, if you love one another.”Philippians 2:3 – “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.”Galatians 6:3 – “If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself.”Romans 12:3 – “Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought…”Hebrews 3:14 – “… exhort one another daily, as long as it is called today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.”RELATED LINKS:Jim Elliot Was Not First to Say It – references Matthew Henry’s biography of his father“For His Glory and My Good” – CityAlight praise song Chronicles of Prydain by Lloyd Alexander – some of my husband’s favorite booksM Is for Mama Podcast: Episode 113 – a conversation between Abbie and meSuffering is Never for Nothing by Elisabeth ElliotEP 28:Bible Memory Tips & TricksEP 85: Memorize Proverbs 3 with MeA Grand Investment – the Bible memory program I use with my kids & grandkids“Inspiration” – this poem by Henry David Thoreau contains the line I quoted without attribution, “Time cannot bend the line which God hath writ” “God Hath Not Promised” – the poem I quoted by Annie Johnson FlintSTAY CONNECTED:Subscribe: Flanders Family Freebies -weekly themed link lists of free resourcesInstagram: @flanders_family – follow for more great contentFamily Blog: Flanders Family Home Life – parenting tips, homeschool help, printablesMarriage Blog: Loving Life at Home– encouragement for wives, mothers, believersMy Books: Shop Online – find on Amazon, at Barnes & Noble, or through our websiteHow to Live a Yielded LifeFull Transcript for Episode 99

Hello, friend. Welcome to Episode 99 of Loving Life at Home. Today, I’d like to discuss living a life that is wholly yielded to God. What would doing such a thing even look like?

It’s a good question to ask right now, while Charlie Kirk’s life and legacy are—for good reason — still dominating the headlines and social media feeds and thoughts and prayers of so many. More than 100 thousand people, including some personal friends of mine, attended his memorial service in Arizona on Sunday. And 100 million people, my children and I included, streamed the 5-hour long event on that first day alone. Millions more will undoubtedly see clips from the video in days to come.

The stunning thing about all of this is that the gospel message of full forgiveness freely offered through the substitutionary death and bodily resurrection of Christ was so clearly proclaimed by nearly every person who spoke at the memorial service.

One of my favorite speakers was Dr. Ben Carson, who closed his remarks by reading John 12:24 and asked that we remember the fact that Charlie was shot at 12:24 PM while we listened.

I want to read that passage, as well, in case you missed hearing it on Sunday. But I’m going to start at John 12:23, because when I looked up the timeline of the assassination to verify what Carson said, I noticed some news sources say the shooting started a minute earlier.

So keeping in that fact in mind, listen to these verses. John 12:23 reads, “But Jesus answered them by saying, ‘The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified.’”

If you consider that “Son of Man” is a name Jesus used to refer to Himself, He’s saying, “The hour has come for Jesus Christ to be glorified.” Then He elaborates in John 12:24, “Truly, truly I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.”

Well, we are now getting our first glimpse of the bountiful harvest that is bursting forth in every corner of the globe as a result of Charlie Kirk’s murder. Charlie once noted, “All death can do to a believer is deliver him to Jesus,” which is exactly what happened two weeks ago. And Charlie remained faithful to share Christ’s love with others, literally to his dying breath and beyond, thanks to all the video footage he left behind.

What a legacy!

To live a yielded life, you must die to self

Of course, God hasn’t call all of us to be martyrs for our faith. (At least, not yet.) But He has called every believer, individually and unequivocally, to deny ourselves, take up our cross, and follow Him. (You can find that charge in Matthew 16:24, in Mark 8:34, and also in Luke 9:23). Jesus goes on to explain, “For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake and for the gospel will save it.”

This reminds me of something Jim Elliot famously said. Elliot was one of five missionaries killed in Ecuador by the natives they’d come to evangelize, but before he was ever martyred, Elliot wrote in his journal: “He is no fool who gives away what he cannot keep, to gain what he cannot lose.”

Interestingly, he was not the first person to observe this truth. Bible commentator Matthew Henry ascribed essentially the same quote to his own father more than two centuries earlier. Only Philip Henry said it this way: “He is no fool who parts with that which he cannot keep, when he is sure to be recompensed with that which he cannot lose.” 

Either way, the point is the same.  “This world is passing away, along with its desires; but whoever does the will of God remains forever,” as noted in 1 John 2:17.

Ultimately, Jesus is the only one who can fully satisfy our restless nature or fill the God-shaped hole in every human heart. In fact, turning our life over to Him and living for His glory is the whole reason each of us was created in the first place. As the Westminster Catechism asserts: “The divine end of man is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.”

That is living a yielded life, in a nutshell:

It’s the believer who, whether he eats or drinks or whatever he does, does it all for the glory of God. (1 Corinthians 10:31)It’s the person who proclaims with Paul in Philippians 1:21, “For me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain.”It’s the heart that prays the same prayer Jesus prayed in the garden the night He was betrayed: “Father, not my will, but thine be done.” (see Luke 22:42)It’s the bold prayer Erika Kirk told us her husband routinely prayed, “God, use me in whatever way you want.”

God had obviously been honoring that prayer all along in Charlie’s life, but He honored it again on September 10, 2025. As soon as I heard that he had been killed, I was heartbroken for his family, but I was also confident that Charlie had run with endurance the race that was marked out for him (see Hebrews 12:1). He had fought the good fight, finished the course, and kept the faith. (2 Timothy 4:7). He had completed the good works that God had prepared beforehand for him to do while on this earth. (Eph. 2:10)

I hope the same may be said of me when it’s my time to go.

To be sure, there is still work to be done, but not by Charlie. As Erika said at his memorial service, Charlie died with incomplete work, but not with unfinished business. He was ready to go the minute God called him.

Any remaining work will need to be done by those he left behind. Including you and me and every other person who is willing to exalt the name of Jesus every day in every way we can.

To live a yielded life, you must trust God completely

But let’s go back to the idea that only Jesus can completely fill the God-shaped hole in every human heart. Our church frequently sings a CityAlight song that touches on that idea. It goes like this:

“For Your Glory and My Good”

Verse 1

I have seen my Father’s glory
Revealed in Jesus Christ
And the more that I behold Him
The more He satisfies

When I gaze upon His beauty
When I see Him as I should
Then my eyes are lifted upward
For His glory and my good

Verse 2
There is hope in every trial
For I can trust the Lord
He will turn my heart towards Him
And help me bear the thorn

So in faith I follow Jesus
On the road not understood
For I know that He is working
For His glory and my good.

When I first heard that second verse – the part about following Jesus on the road not understood? – I assumed it was just talking about the fact that the WORLD doesn’t understand the path believers follow. Because, as Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 2:14, “The unbeliever does not receive the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him. And he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned.”

And, as he noted in 1 Corinthians 1:27, “God has chosen the foolish things of the world to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to shame the things which are strong,”

But that isn’t the only way to interpret the words of this praise song. One Sunday morning as we were singing this song in church, it struck me that God sometimes calls us to follow a path we ourselves don’t understand.

Whenever that’s the case, our goal should be to trust Him and to faithfully keep following anyway, knowing that He has promised to work all things together for the good of those who love God and are the called according to His purpose. (as explained in Romans 8:28)

So, as Hebrews 10:23 reminds us to do, “Let us hold fast to our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful.”

That’s why we can keep on hoping and keep on trusting that God has everything under control. Nothing takes Him by surprise.

We can fully trust His goodness.

Psalm 119:105 assures us, “…the LORD is good; his mercy is everlasting; and his truth endures to all generations.”

We can fully trust His plan

Jeremiah 29:11 reads, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

We can fully trust His Word.

Psalm 119:105 – “Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.”

To live a yielded life, you must know (and obey) God’s Word

Of course, to trust His Word, it’s vitally important that we know His Word.

We need to read it faithfully. Memorize it. Study it. Meditate on it. Hide it deep, deep down in our heart of hearts.

That’s one reason I’m so excited about the memory work project I’ve been doing with my kids and grandkids for the past couple of years. I’ve told you about that before, and I’ll put a link to that episode in today’s show notes, along with information about the exact passages we’ve been learning plus resources to help make memorizing easier.

Most kids can memorize without a lot of effort. Their little brains are like sponges. I’ve been trying to get my grandkids to commit Ephesians 2:4-10 to memory, which was the passage I assigned for our family memory challenge last month, but they’d been dragging their feet.

Well, my 15-year-old grandson, Chase, finally sat down to work on it yesterday afternoon and had all seven verses down cold after about 15 minutes of study. He had me print the passage out for him, then copied it down in his own hand a couple of times, then quoted it to me from memory perfectly.

I wanted to make sure he didn’t just store it in short-term memory long enough to mark that one off his list, so when Grandpa got home a few hours later, I asked Chase to quote it to him, as well, which he did flawlessly, with no further cramming.

I know I’ve shared this story before, but last year, my youth pastor whom I hadn’t seen in more than 40 years came back to my hometown for a reunion with the young people he served back in the 1980s.

Well during those years, he set countless Bible verses to music and taught us the songs. And while we were all gathered, I mentioned how much I appreciated his helping to hide God’s Word in our heart that way and suggested we sing a few of those old songs together right then and there, which we all did. And nearly everybody in attendance was able to sing all those verses verbatim from memory, even though it had been more than four decades since many of them had last heard or sung them.

To live a yielded life, you must submit to God’s will

Another thing that happened more than 40 years ago is that my high school boyfriend broke the arm of his dominant hand. While it was healing, he wasn’t able to move his fingers to write, but he found that he could hold a needle and thread, so I taught him how to cross stitch – and by the time the cast came off, he was hooked.

Well, at the reunion, his wife thanked me for teaching her husband that skill, because he in turn taught her, and she then taught her children. [Which, incidentally, is exactly how disciple-making is supposed to work in the CHRISTIAN walk, as well. Jesus told his disciples to go and make more disciples, then those disciples would make even more disciples, and so on and so on.]

But — that ‘s not really the point of my telling you that story. The point is, that first and only boy I ever dated before meeting my husband used to get very frustrated that the underside of his needlework looked like such a tangled mess. Threads would be running every which way, underpinning a web of knots and loose ends.

I’d been cross-stitching for years by then and usually tried to line my stitches up in such a way that my work still looked pretty and uniform, even on the back – mostly because that’s just the way my mathematical brain has always worked.

Not that the underside of a pattern makes any difference whatsoever. Once a piece is framed, nobody can tell whether the back is messy or not. The top is what matters.

And guess what? The artist, the creator, the seamstress is the one who makes the decisions, who chooses the design, who carefully places each stitch, who does all the work for his/her own pleasure and according to his/her own liking.

Something I’ve noticed over time is that the more intricate and complex a project is, the messier the reverse side of anybody’s work inevitably becomes. Which, I think, is a great analogy for the life of a believer.

My daughter and I have been re-reading the Chronicles of Prydain by Lloyd Alexander lately. These were my husband’s favorite books as a teen, and our whole family loves them now, as well, thanks to his introducing us to the series.

We just got to the part in the book where the companions come upon what they think is a deserted cottage in the Marshes of Morva. Upon letting themselves in, the find an unfinished tapestry upon a loom and can’t help but notice that the threads are all snarled and tangled and broken. That’s because, initially, the companions only see the bottom or backside of the work.

It’s the same way with us – as Abbie Halberstadt and I were discussing on her M Is for Mama Podcast a few weeks ago. I’ll be sure to link that episode in the show notes.

But as long as we’re on earth, we only see the underside of the pattern the LORD is weaving in and through our lives. We won’t and can’t fully appreciate God’s gloriously intricate design until its finished and we’re in heaven looking down upon our life from His vantage point.

Isaiah used a similar analogy. He writes in Isaiah 45:9, “Woe to the one who quarrels with his Maker— An earthenware vessel among the vessels of earth! Will the clay say to the potter, ‘What are you doing?’ Or the thing you are making say, ‘He has no hands ‘?

Paul echoes Isaiah’s words in Romans 9:20-21, “But who are you, O man, to talk back to God? Shall what is formed say to Him who formed it, “Why did You make me like this?” / Does not the potter have the right to make from the same lump of clay one vessel for special occasions and another for common use?”

Rather than striving against our maker, we need to joyfully submit. To invite and allow him to work in our life. To yield our will to His. To pray with Charlie, “Use me in whatever way you please,” and to trust Him to make something useful and/or beautiful that will bring glory to Himself.

Yet, that explains why we sometimes don’t understand the path God asks us to travel this side of heaven – because we aren’t yet able to see things from His perspective. Once we do, I’m convinced we will marvel at how he worked it all together for His glory and our good.

To Live a Yielded Life, You Must Point Others to Jesus

Which brings us back to the CityAlight song I started singing earlier. It continues:

Chorus
To our God be the glory
To our God be praise
He alone, the name above all names

I will boast ever only in the Lord my God
For I know
His glory is my good

Verse 3
See the open arms of Jesus
Upon the cross that day
What they understood as weakness
Deserves my every praise

For the charge that was against me
It was nailed into the wood
Yes, I know that He has saved me
For His glory and my good

Verse 4
Would I gladly be made nothing
That Christ would be made more
Would I seek the only kingdom
That far outweighs them all

I will stand before my Father
Where the faithful saints have stood
And with joy my heart shall praise Him
For His glory and my good

Yes, with joy my heart shall praise Him
For His glory and my good

That fourth verse poses a good question for all of us to ponder: “Would I gladly be made nothing that Christ would be made more?”

Can we say with John the Baptist, “He must increase; I must decrease”? The most significant work I can do in this life is to point others to Jesus. If my chief end is to bring glory to God and enjoy Him forever, the more I glorify God, the more I WILL enjoy Him, and the more others can enjoy Him, too.

This understanding is central to living a yielded life. It’s a desire to see Christ magnified and an eagerness for Him to use you however He sees fit for His own glory. It’s the confidence with which we trust Him, even when He works in ways or leads us down paths we don’t understand. And it is a willingness to hold our blessings with an open hand, grateful for the opportunity to enjoy them while they last, but acknowledging the fact everything we have is a gift from the LORD.

I want to point out that “holding things with an open hand” is really more a posture of the heart than a physical gesture.

My marriage is a blessing. I love my husband dearly and am so grateful to be married to him. But holding that blessing with an open hand won’t keep me from calling 9-11 and doing CPR until EMS arrives if my husband collapses from a heart attack in front of me. It will only keep me from becoming bitter toward God if he doesn’t survive the episode.

Every one of my twelve children are a blessing, and I’m so grateful for the privilege of mothering them. But holding those blessings with an open hand didn’t keep me from clinging tightly to them when they were little, to keep them safe and prevent their wandering off when we were in large crowds or unfamiliar surroundings.  

But it did allow me to loosen my grip as they grew and give them the freedom to follow the LORD’s leading, even if that meant moving to the other side of the globe to work and serve in difficult situations, trusting God to protect them and provide for their every need.

To live a yielded life, you must be willing to suffer

During my Bible reading yesterday, I began Paul’s letter to the church at Philippi. In Philippians 1:27-29, he wrote, “…stand firm in one spirit, contending together as one for the faith of the gospel, without being frightened in any way by those who oppose you. This is a clear sign of their destruction but of your salvation, and it is from God. For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe in Him, but also to suffer for Him.”

Paul considered it a privilege to suffer for the sake of the gospel. In Philippians 3:10 he wrote about his desire to “know [Christ] and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death….”

In Suffering is Never for Nothing, Elisabeth Elliot observed,

“The greatest gifts of my life have also entailed the greatest suffering. The greatest gifts of my life, for example, have been marriage and motherhood. And let’s never forget that if we don’t ever want to suffer, we must be very careful never to love anything or anybody. The gifts of love have been the gifts of suffering. The two are inseparable….”

After recounting the death of her husband, she continues the same thread of thought,

“And God’s answers to my ‘Why’ was just ‘Trust me.’ No explanations. Just ‘Trust me.’ That was His message.

“Now, if I had had a faith that was determined God had to give me a particular kind of answer to my particular prayers, that faith would have disintegrated. But my faith had to be founded on the character of God Himself.”

I love that last part. It is key for all of us. If our faith is contingent on God doing everything according to OUR will, rather than yielding our will to HIS, then that faith will fall flat during difficult days.

Believing in Jesus for salvation is not a ticket to escape suffering. Quite the contrary.

Christ made this fact clear in John 16:33, “In the world you WILL HAVE tribulation… Actually, this is one of the verses my old youth pastor set to music. The whole verse reads this way: “These things I have spoken unto you, that in Me you might have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.”

Isn’t it reassuring to know that “even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I [need] fear no evil, for [God] is with me. [His] rod and [His] staff, they comfort me.” (Psalm 23:4)

Safety does not depend upon the absence of danger, but on the presence of the Holy Spirit. Sure, others can do us physical damage. But as Matthew 10:28 tells us, “Don’t be afraid of those who want to kill your body; they cannot touch your soul. Fear only God, who can destroy both soul and body in hell.”

I’d rather be in the fiery furnace with the LORD, or in the lion’s den or the jail cell or even in the belly of the big fish WITH GOD than anywhere else without Him.

When I was in jr. high or high school, I came across a poem by Annie Johnson Flint who was born in the latter part of the nineteenth century. Her poem was entitled “God Hath Not Promised,” and I committed it to memory as a young girl and reflected on it often. It goes like this:

What God Has Promised

A poem by Annie Johnson Flint (1866-1932)

God hath not promised
Skies always blue,
Flower-strewn pathways
All our lives through;
God hath not promised
Sun without rain
Joy without sorrow,
Peace without pain.

But God hath promised
Strength for the day,
Rest for the labour,
Light for the way,
Grace for the trials,
Help from above,
Unfailing sympathy,
Undying love.

Sometimes God receives the most glory, not by removing a hardship from our lives but by sustaining us through it.

Remember the three friends in the fiery furnace. Or Daniel in lions’ den. Or Joseph enslaved and in prison. Or David in battle with Goliath.

God could have easily kept any of those saints from facing such hardships. But He received more glory by preserving them through their difficulties. Not by preventing the trials in the first place.

Or think of Paul’s thorn in the flesh, which Paul confides in 2 Corinthians 12:8-9 that he pleaded three separate times for the LORD to take away. Yet, what was God’s answer to him? “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

That is why we need to fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith. (as He’s called in Hebrews 12:2), who “for the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”

As long as Peter kept his gaze on Jesus, he was able to walk on water. Not until he shifted his focus to the rolling waves and howling storm that surrounded him did he start to sink below the surface.

Rarely does a life of ease and comfort produce the greatest personal growth or provide the most glory to God. Of course, that doesn’t keep me from trying to eliminate or minimize problems and struggles or pleading for the LORD’s mercy.

I’ve always prayed that God would teach me the lessons I need to learn in the gentlest way possible. That He would conform me to the image of Christ as painlessly as possible. That He would use me for His glory while sustaining me with His grace. And that He would never send such great suffering my way that I would be tempted, like Job’s wife, to “curse God and die” but would continue to faithfully affirm His goodness, even through hardship, saying, “The LORD giveth and the LORD taketh away, blessed be the name of the LORD.”

To live a yielded life, you follow Christ alone

Several years ago, one of my adult kids was telling me about the stacked stone cairns (pronounced kern) that are sometimes used to mark hiking trails.  Evidently, it became a TikTok trend a while back to knock them down or even move them to another location, which resulted in lots of people getting lost. If memory serves me correctly, I think some may have even died.

That’s why it’s so important to know the map and understand it for yourself. Because sometimes the guides to whom we’re accustomed to looking for direction in this world have moved. They’ve changed positions. And now they’re dead wrong.

Sadly, we’re seeing this happen in many churches, where scripture is being twisted to say the opposite of what it has clearly taught for centuries. Or else it’s abandoned altogether in favor of some new age mumbo-jumbo or pop psychology or even pagan practices.

So bring your Bible with you to church. Weigh everything the pastor or priest or teaching elder says in light of scripture. If you’re in a church that insists all paths lead to God, get out. That’s heretical. Because Jesus said in John 14:6,

“I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”

The point is, we need to read and know God’s Word ourselves and follow hard after Christ.

Paul told his friends in 1 Cor 11:1, “Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ.” That is all well and good, but unless you know about Christ’s example firsthand, how will you recognize whether the person you are imitating is staying true to Jesus’s example or not?

The point is, just like those cairns on the mountainside which had been moved off the right trail, sometimes external markers are mistaken. Praise the LORD when you find a kindred spirit who is following hard after Christ just like you are. But you still need to keep your eyes fixed on Jesus. Pursue Him whole-heartedly. Do not grow lazy and look only to human leaders or you, too, might possibly be led astray.

The same is true for inner markers. The notion of “following your heart” is some of the dumbest advice that’s ever been given. Jeremiah 17:9  tells us, “The heart is more deceitful than all else and is desperately sick; Who can understand it?”

Scrooge understood this fact. He was unwilling to trust his own senses the night Marley’s ghost came to visit him. He was convinced the ghost was a figment of his own imagination, possibly caused by something he ate that didn’t agree with him. Perhaps an undigested piece of beef or undercooked potato. He suggested there was “more about gravy than grave” to what he was seeing.

We should be similarly skeptical of our own emotions. Feelings are not facts. Our own emotions are not reliable guides nor trustworthy reflections of reality.

Beware of making decisions when you’re hungry, angry, lonely, tired, jealous, discouraged, or confused.  All these things affect the way we feel at any given moment.

Emotions fluctuate. Feelings are fickle. But “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever,” as we read in Hebrews 13:8. Time cannot bend the line that God hath writ. (Thoreau?) Heaven and earth may pass away, but the Word of God will stand forever. (see Matthew 25:35)

To live a yielded life, you must love others selflessly

When asked about the greatest commandment, Jesus said, “Love the Lord thy God with all your heart and soul and mind and strength… and love your neighbor as yourself.” He also told His followers, “By this will all men know you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

Love God. Love Others. That sums it up, doesn’t it?

But what does that love look like? Shouldn’t that love – true love – point others to the God who IS love? Shouldn’t it speak the truth and point to Christ, who declared Himself the Way, the Truth, the Life, and the one and only path to the Father?

Shouldn’t that sacrificial kind of love look out for the interests of others with the same urgency as we attend to your own? ( Philippians 2:3)

Selfless love is humble.  It takes Galatians 6:3 to heart: “If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself.” Or Romans 12:3: “Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought…” Instead, in humility of mind, it regards one another as more important than yourself. “

It yields itself completely to God and, as Hebrews 3:14 bids us to do, it “… exhort[s] one another daily, as long as it is called today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.” (Hebrews 3:14)

That’s my goal with this podcast. To exalt the name of Jesus and to encourage others to do the same. What are your thoughts about living a yielded life? I’d love to hear from you if you have time to drop me a line and let me know.

LORD willing, I’ll be back again next week with another episode. May He bless and keep you until then.

More Bible Memory Help

Want a month-by-month plan filled with resources to make hiding God’s Word in your heart a habit? Check out my new Grand Investment print packs.

I’ve packed both volumes full of pretty, pertinent printables: copywork and coloring pages, award certificates, and tracking charts, along with links to videos and songs I’ve used both in memorizing Bible passages myself and in encouraging my kids and grandkids to do the same.

The post EP 99: Living a Yielded Life appeared first on Loving Life at Home.

EP 98: 9 Ways to Defuse a Disagreement

Romans 12:18 tells us, “If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.” How does that play out in real life? Is there a place for meaningful debate on important topics? And, if so, how can we keep such discussions calm and civil and God-honoring? What steps can we take to defuse a disagreement and keep it from escalating into a full-blown fight?

That’s our topic on Loving Life at Home. Much of the material for this episode is taken from a post I wrote over 11 years ago, which you can read in its entirety under today’s show notes. Listen in and let me know what you think.

Show NotesVERSES CITED:Romans 8:28 – “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His”Genesis 50:20 – “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result, to preserve many people alive.”Ephesians 4:15 – “Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.”Colossians 4:6 – “Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person.”James 1:5 – “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.”Proverbs 21:19 – “Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife.”Proverbs 21:9 – “Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.”Proverbs 17:14 – “The beginning of strife is likeletting out water, So abandon the quarrel before it breaks out.”Romans 12:18 – “If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.”John 15:17-18 — “This is My command to you: Love one another. If the world hates you, understand that it hated Me first.”Proverbs 18:13 – “Spouting off before listening to the facts is both shameful and foolish.”Proverbs 10:12 – “Hatred stirs up conflict, but love covers over all wrongs.”Proverbs 15:1 – “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”Proverbs 25:11 – “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.”Proverbs 16:21 – “Sweetness of speech increases persuasiveness.”Proverbs 14:29 – “Whoever is patient has great understanding, but one who is quick-tempered displays folly.”Proverbs 15:18 – “A hot-tempered person stirs up strife, but the slow to anger calms a dispute.”James 4:6 – “God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble.”Revelation 3:19 – “Those whom I love, I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest and repent.”RELATED LINKS:What Men Intend for Evil – poem I wrote several years agoTurning Point USA – the organization Charlie Kirk foundedCharlie Kirk’s Instagram Account – still growing!STAY CONNECTED:Subscribe: Flanders Family Freebies -weekly themed link lists of free resourcesInstagram: @flanders_family – follow for more great contentFamily Blog: Flanders Family Home Life – parenting tips, homeschool help, printablesMarriage Blog: Loving Life at Home– encouragement for wives, mothers, believersMy Books: Shop Online – find on Amazon, at Barnes & Noble, or through our websiteRemembering Charlie KirkPartial Transcript from Episode 98

This has been a week to remember, hasn’t it? So much senseless violence and death. The brutal murder of that 23-year-old Ukranian woman who was simply riding a train, minding her own business, in North Carolina. The assassination of Charlie Kirk, the 31-year-old founder of Turning Point USA who was famous for his commitment to having civil conversations with anybody who disagreed with him on college campuses across the country and around the globe. And anniversary of the unforgettable 9-11 terrorist attacks, which took place 24 years ago this month. Can you believe it’s been that long?

In many ways, 9-11 served to unite our country. It brought us to our knees in prayer, convinced us to lay aside our differences, united us in purpose and commitment, and led to revival within the church, however short-lived that renewed interest in growing closer to God may have been for some of the people involved. With others it stuck.

All of those things are a testimony to the fact God can and does work all things – even horrifically senseless, evil things – “together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose,” as Romans 8:28 assures us.

As Joseph told the brothers who sold him into slavery, “you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result, to preserve many people alive.”

Several years ago, I wrote a poem about Joseph’s story, and the stories of many other believers we read about in God’s Word. I won’t quote the entire thing to you – or maybe I will — but the poem ends like this:

…Then, at the height of all injustice,
Christ was crucified,
Yet God’s redemptive plans all hinged
Upon the fact He died.
Without the cross, without the grave
From which He rose again,
The world He loved and came to save
Would perish in its sin.

Doubtlessly, the devil thought
He’d won when Christ was slain,
For little did he understand
The depth of God’s great plan.
He fancied he was in control,
But he misunderstood—
What Satan meant for evil,
God Himself decreed for good.

And so today, as in the past,
The Lord is on His throne,
He’s unperplexed by wicked schemes
Our enemies have sown.
May history show, when foes conspired,
That on this truth I stood:
What men intend for evil,
God will always use for good.

We are already beginning to see that in the case of Charlie Kirk’s death last week, as well. People who had never even heard of Charlie are watching his countless videos and are hearing – some for the first time ever — not only his defense of conservative beliefs but also his bold proclamation of the gospel of Christ.

Charlie knew his Bible, and  he clearly communicated the fact that all have sinned and fallen short of God’s holy standard, that Jesus died to pay the penalty for our sin, that he was buried and rose again from the grave, so that by grace through faith, we can put our hope and trust in Him, receive full forgiveness for our willful rebellion against God and walk in newness of life.

So the message is still going out, even after the messenger’s life has abruptly come to an end.

People who knew and loved Charlie personally are speaking out, too, boldly proclaiming the truth, taking up his mantle, and pledging to carry on his legacy of respectful dialogue with people who hold opposing viewpoints.

Earlier this week, I read that on the day Charlie died, there were 9,000 chapters of Turning Point USA on college campuses across the country, but that in the six days immediately following his assassination, Turning Point has received over 54,000 requests for new college or high school chapters.

Which is wonderful. I’m so thankful that’s the case. My son and grandson attended a TPUSA meeting on our local college campus just last night and both joined the legacy committee, dedicated to keeping the conversation going.

I also read that in that same 1-week period, Charlie’s Instagram account went from having 1.5M followers to 12.7M followers. That’s a lot of new people being exposed to his Christian conservative worldview.

Add to that the fact that multiple millions of Charlie’s followers are gathering together to pray, to sing hymns, to light candles, to fellowship and remember a life well-lived, and I can definitely see how God is working even this very tragic circumstances together for our good and for God’s glory. And that makes me so very hopeful!

I wrote a blog post over a decade ago entitled 9 Ways to Defuse a Disagreement, which I’d like to share with you today.

As I was reading back over it this week, I realize Charlie Kirk epitomized all 9 points. He was so faithful to “speak the truth in love,” as Ephesians 4:15 compels all of us to do. His speech was “always full of grace, seasoned with salt,” (Colossians 4:6) and God granted him the wisdom to “know how to answer everyone.”

And God promises to give that same kind of wisdom to us if only we ask for it.  Charlie showed us it is possible to engage in lively debate without demeaning the person with whom you are conversing.

I actually learned that same fact, long before Charlie was even born, by watching my father….

9 Ways to Defuse a Disagreement

My father was one of the friendliest, most gregarious men I’ve ever met. He loved people — but he also loved a spirited debate. Mom always said Dad would argue with a fence post.

My mother was decidedly not fond of fiery discussions. She has always detested conflict of any sort. Dad would often tease Mom, trying to get a rise out of her, but she would not be baited. He might as well have been arguing with that famed fencepost, for all the luck he had in drawing his wife into an argument.

By nature, I tend to take after my father, but by conscious effort, I try to follow my mother’s example.

Scripture says it would be better to live in a desert or in the corner of a roof than in a house with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife. (Proverbs 21:19) My mother’s willingness to “abandon a quarrel before it breaks out” (Proverbs 17:14) made our home a more pleasant and peaceful place to live — for all of us.

Of course, you may not always see eye-to-eye with your husband. When there are areas of disagreement or concerns that need to be discussed, take care to do so in a calm, cool, collected, and consistently respectful way.

Communicating respect to your husband does not necessitate keeping all your thoughts to yourself. It does not mean going along with his every whim, even when serious reservations exist.

Showing respect is not about suppressing your feelings; it’s really more about the tone with which those feelings are expressed.

A disrespectful tone communicates, “Listen, you idiot, let me set you straight on this matter, because it’s obvious you don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Of course, we would (hopefully) never actually say such a thing, but our husbands will sometimes hear these words in our tone, even when we don’t utter them outright.

A respectful tone, by contrast, first hears the other person out. It always gives thoughtful consideration to what is being said, even if the speaker isn’t able to articulate his ideas as easily as you yourself might be able to do so. A respectful tone validates the other person by saying, “I see your point,” before continuing, “but have you considered…?”

Many times, our husbands do things in a different way than we would do them, but that doesn’t mean their way is wrong. Go with the flow for as long as possible, then when an issue arises that you really feel strongly about, you will have stored up some goodwill by not having contradicted the two or three dozen choices he’s made prior to the current one. It is easy for our husbands to grow weary and lose patience when we argue and second-guess each and every decision they make.

As for preventing difficult discussions from escalating into angry arguments, follow these guidelines to keep tempers from flaring:

Practice Attentive Listening

Pay attention to what your spouse is trying to say to you. Hear him out. Don’t just pretend to be listening while you mentally rehearse what you plan to say next.

“Spouting off before listening to the facts is both shameful and foolish.” – Proverbs 18:13

Demonstrate Genuine Love

If you will focus on all the reasons you love this person instead of on the things that irritate you about him, you will be much less likely to say something you later regret.

“Hatred stirs up conflict, but love covers over all wrongs.” – Proverbs 10:12

Maintain Calm Voices

Don’t allow the pitch to creep up in your conversation. Maintain a gracious, soft-spoken demeanor at all times.

“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” – Proverbs 15:1

Use Word Pictures

Well thought-out word pictures and analogies are a great way to communicate a concern without being abrasive and accusatory.

“A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.” – Proverbs 25:11

Keep Sweet Speech

Let your words be filled with kindness and seasoned with grace; do not resort to name calling or exaggerated accusations.

“Sweetness of speech increases persuasiveness.” – Proverbs 16:21

Exercise Patient Understanding

Try to see the situation from your spouse’s point of view. Be sympathetic. Put yourself in his shoes to better appreciate his perspective.

“Whoever is patient has great understanding, but one who is quick-tempered displays folly.” – Proverbs 14:29

Remain Cool-Headed

Weigh your words carefully, always and only speaking the truth in love. Don’t be rash.

“A hot-tempered person stirs up strife, but the slow to anger calms a dispute.” – Proverbs 15:18

Show Sincere Humility

Rid your tone (and your heart) of all pride and condescension, neither of which serve any purpose but to stir up strife and discord.

“God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” – James 4:6

Express Earnest Repentance

Show appropriate, unfeigned remorse over any wrongdoing. Apologize for offensive things you have said or done without excusing your actions or casting blame on your spouse.

“Those whom I love, I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest and repent.” – Revelation 3:19

Through her example, my mother taught me that I don’t always have to have the last word; I don’t need to drive home my point; I’m under no obligation to convince others I’m right.

It takes two to argue. Isn’t it liberating to know that? It takes two — and you don’t have to be one of them.

This post is excerpted from my book, 25 Ways to Communicate Respect to Your Husband. For more marriage encouragement, connect with me on Facebook.

The post EP 98: 9 Ways to Defuse a Disagreement appeared first on Loving Life at Home.

Prayer for Single Mothers

I recently received a message from a reader requesting a prayer for single mothers. She writes:

Hi Jennifer, 

I have been a sole parent for the best part of 20 years. I was saved after I left my children’s father, so I kind of did life back-to-front. [Single mothers] seem to be an oft forgotten group because we don’t into the conservative mould of what a Christian should look like.

…I was wondering if there might be a chance you could do up some prayers for single mums and dads. I’m sure there are many other single parents who would also …appreciate some specific, biblical based prayers to pray. 

Many thanks, and God bless. 

This reader is right. Raising children is a challenging job, even when both mother and father work at it together as a team! But when Dad is absent and the responsibility falls entirely on Mom’s shoulders, it can feel especially heavy.

This is true whether the mother in question has been abandoned, divorced, or widowed. Solo parenting is difficult, even when Dad is only temporarily out of the picture. Perhaps he’s been deployed with the military. Perhaps he has to travel with his job for weeks or months at a time. Perhaps he is injured or terminally ill or hospitalized or otherwise incapacitated.

Whatever circumstances precipitated the situation, women who must raise their children without the help of a capable, loving, and devoted father need a lot of prayer support. I’ve been thinking about that fact a lot over the past week, as the LORD has woken me up several times a night with a burden to pray for Erika Kirk after her husband’s recent assassination.

I’ve incorporated many of those same requests I’ve made on behalf of Charlie Kirk’s widow in the free prayer prayer guide for single moms below.

The above version is what one might pray for a single-parent friend or family member. But I realize the person who sent me that message was asking for a bible-based prayer she could pray on her own behalf.

You can find that version below. Please note that every one of these requests — every line of both prayers — has a strong biblical basis. Click on any of the scripture links below to read the foundational verses for yourself.

A Prayer for a Single Mother

LORD, guide me as a single mom (Psalm 25:5)
Who leans on Your strong arm; (Psalm 139:10)
Be my shield and my defender (Psalm 18:2)
And protect me from all harm. (Psalm 121:7)
Be a father to my children, (Psalm 68:5)
May we gladly bear Your name. (2 Thessalonians 1:12)
Grant me grace for every trial; (2 Corinthians 12:9)
Carry me through flood and flame. (Psalm 68:19-20)

Lend the patience and endurance (1 Peter 2:19-20)
I will need to face each day. (Lamentations 3:22-23)
Furnish wisdom and direction (Proverbs 4:11)
When I do not know the way. (Psalm 25:8-9)
Give me peaceful rest in slumber, (Proverbs 3:24)
LORD, provide for every need. (Philippians 4:19)
Calm my fears and soothe my worries (John 14:27)
As I cast them at Your feet. (1 Peter 5:7)

Change my sorrow to rejoicing; (Psalm 126:5-6)
Help me love her enemies— (Luke 6:27-28)
Meeting hatred with forgiveness— (Colossians 3:13-14)
As I trust the God who sees. (Hebrews 4:13)
Grow my faith in You much deeper; (Ephesians 3:17-19)
Let my love for Jesus shine. (Matthew 5:16)
And when others see my well-lived life, (Psalm 1:1-3)
May all the praise be Thine. (Jude 1:24-25)

Both versions of this prayer are available as a pretty, free printable prayer guide. Just click on the download button below to print either or both.

click to download both versions of this prayer for single mothersMore Printable Prayer Guides

You will find many more prayer guides you can download individually for free by following this link: Free Printable Prayer Guides.

Or you can save time by investing in a copy of my Pretty Prayer Print Pack and then download a whole bundle of resources in a single click, including all our most popular prayer guides plus prayer lists and diaries, prayer-themed coloring pages, prayer cards, and beautiful printable artwork suitable for framing. Several of the resources in this collection are not available anywhere else.

The post Prayer for Single Mothers appeared first on Loving Life at Home.

EP 97: Q&A – Babies, Books, & Correcting Other People’s Children

Time for a little Q&A! I’ve been cleaning out my inbox this week and answering some of the questions my blog readers, podcast listeners, and/or newsletter subscribers have sent in. So I’ve decided to tackle several of those topics on today’s podcast episode.

Show NotesVERSES CITED:Proverbs 29:17 – “Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart.” James 1:5 – “But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him.”RELATED LINKS:EP 92: Benefits of Big Family LivingPledge of Allegiance to the FlagPledge of Allegiance to the BiblePledge of Allegiance to the CreatorA Prayer for Police OfficersPraying for our TroopsTaming the Toy BoxAge Appropriate Chores for ChildrenSTAY CONNECTED:Subscribe: Flanders Family Freebies -weekly themed link lists of free resourcesInstagram: @flanders_family – follow for more great contentFamily Blog: Flanders Family Home Life – parenting tips, homeschool help, printablesMarriage Blog: Loving Life at Home– encouragement for wives, mothers, believersMy Books: Shop Online – find on Amazon, at Barnes & Noble, or through our website Q&A: Babies, Books, Badges, and Correcting Other People’s ChildrenComplete transcript from Episode 87

Hello, Friends. Welcome to Episode 97 of Loving Life at Home. This week, I’ve been cleaning out my inbox and answering some of the questions my blog readers, podcast listeners, and/or newsletter subscribers have sent in.

I was planning to call this episode “Mailbox Monday,” but I’m late on posting it, so I had to change the title.

I guess I could’ve called it “Trying-to-Tidy-my-Inbox Tuesday,” or “Wish-I-Were-More-on-Top-of-Things Wednesday.”

But the point is, even after moving all the unsolicited email advertisements and other spam to the trash, I still have lots of bona-fide messages in my inbox awaiting a response: questions that need answering, topic suggestions for podcasts or posts, reader requests I want to work on.

So I decided to knock out a bunch of them all at once today. In this episode, I’ll be tackling questions such as:

Is it safe for most women to have ten or more babies?What math books are best for teaching homeschool students?Can I use your prayer guides if I live in another country?Could you please publish a new pledge of allegiance?What books would you recommend for boys to read?What should I do when other people’s kids misbehave in my home?

If you find any of those topics of interest, keep listening while we delve in. My first letter poses this question:

QUESTION: Is giving birth multiple times safe for healthy women?

Adam writes in response to my episode on the Benefits of Big Family Living (which I’ll link in today’s show notes).

Hi. Thank you for sharing your experience.

I am a man, but I want to know is it safe for most healthy women to have over 10 children? is having big families not for all healthy women? I heard pregnancies change many things about the bodies of women.

God bless your family. Thanks.

My ANSWER: Every woman is different!

I replied to him that…Yes, pregnancy definitely changes many things about a woman’s body. I cannot speak for all women, or even for all healthy women. But I’m happy to share what I’ve observed through the years.

And that is the fact that Some women’s bodies seem to “bounce back to normal” almost immediately after having a baby. Others, not so much. That’s even true of the same woman with different pregnancies. It certainly was for me. The baby weight simply melted away without any extra effort on my part after the first few deliveries, but it stubbornly clung to my hips and midsection for decades after I had my last few babies.

Additionally, some women, whether generally healthy or obviously out-of-shape, have such easy pregnancies and smooth deliveries that they would gladly consider having ten or more children. That’s the group I found myself in.

Other women, including some who were in tip-top health to begin with, endure such difficult pregnancies and traumatic deliveries that they will probably have to think twice before signing up to go through the same ordeal a second or third (much less a tenth or twelfth) time.

Of course, generally speaking, women have been successfully delivering babies for all of human history. Yet pregnancy and childbirth are not without risk. Between 700 and 800 women die in the US each year due to maternal causes (during pregnancy through six weeks postpartum). Though the risk of death is relatively low (far more women die each year in car accidents, for instance), it isn’t zero.

That’s why it’s so important for a couple to discuss this topic frankly and prayerfully in order to arrive at a joint decision regarding family size, while still recognizing it is God who opens and closes the womb.

You need to know that even if you both decide you want a double handful of children, that doesn’t automatically mean you will have them. Likewise, if you decide to limit yourselves to having just one or two children — or even zero – God can certainly overrule that decisions as well by sending you two or three babies at a time or by blessing you with a pregnancy even when you were doing everything in your power to prevent it.

I’m not sure what prompted this question from this listener. Maybe he isn’t even married yet but is simply curious about what caring for a wife and children might someday entail. Or maybe he IS married and is trying to convince a reluctant wife to have more children.

Either way, I’m pretty certain the average woman wouldn’t want her husband (or a potential husband) to pressure her to keep popping out babies just because some stranger on the Internet told him it was safe to do so.

The desire for a large family should ideally come from God, as He is the One to whom you both must look to sustain you when the going gets tough, which it inevitably will from time to time, regardless how many children you ultimately have or don’t have.

The next question is admittedly niche. Sherrie writes…

QUESTION: What’s the best way to teach math?

What curriculum [do you use] to teach Algebra? I run a cottage school, and we are having [a hard time finding a curriculum that works]! I would love to know what your co-op has used.

Thanks,

Sherrie

ANSWER: It all depends on how much time you can devote to teaching

My very favorite math curriculum and what I’ve always used with my own children (and still do) is Saxon Math – at least for grades 4 and up. Saxon didn’t have a curriculum for grades K-3 back when we first started homeschooling, so I had to find something else for the younger grades. My favorite for the early years is Horizons workbooks, and I stuck with those until my kids are ready for Saxon 54.

In the PRO column for Saxon, is:

1) It is straightforward. I can teach the material cover to cover, and with the exception of fractional part equations, Saxon explains everything exactly as I would explain it myself. So it is intuitive for me as a teacher. Also…

2) The books are non-consumeable. So I’ve been able to use the same textbooks for all twelve of my children and several of my grandchildren now, as well.

3) It teaches to mastery. Once most of my kids finish Algebra 2, they’ve been ready and able to CLEP out of College Algebra. Ditto for passing the Pre-Calculus CLEP after finishing Saxon Advanced Math. And those of my children who went all the way through Saxon calculus with me at home earned college credit for calculus through CLEP exams, as well.

4) The fourth thing in Saxon’s PRO column is something some students want to place in the CON column, and that is the fact Saxon has a lot of review in every homework set. It adds up to 25-30 questions a day, which to some kids seems like a lot. But I’m of the opinion that, if you understand the concepts, you’ll be able to get through all that review pretty fast. And if you don’t, then you really need the extra practice.

However, I’ve also taught Algebra 1 and 2 at my homeschool co-op for many years, and Saxon would not work very well at all for a class that meets only once a week (which in such a setting would be another CON). So I use Math-U-See to teach my co-op kids.

The PRO of this curricula is that it introduces only one new concept a week, followed by five homework problem sets and a test — perfect for co-op. I cover the topic on Mondays, the students do a worksheet on that topic each day and take a test over the weekend before moving on to a new topic the following week.

The CON is that the student workbook has no kind of instruction in it, so if a student misses class, he can’t really read over the concepts on his own unless his family also buys the textbook or invests in the DVDs of Steve Demme teaching each lesson.

Also, Math-U-See Algebra 2 includes a few geometry problems on every test, despite the fact that no geometry is ever explained in the text book or taught in class or reviewed in the homework assignments. And my students who have not yet taken Geometry are sometimes clueless as how to solve those problems.

(My solution: I count those as extra credit — students who solve them correctly get extra points added to their test grade, but students who miss them don’t lose any points for not knowing how to work them.)

Now, for some reason, the leadership at my co-op decided to switch math curriculum  a few years ago and went with Alpha Omega Life Pacs. I’ve used Life Pacs to teach physical science before at home and thought they were okay, but it was extremely stressful trying to adapt Alpha-Omega’s Algebra curriculum for my co-op classes and I absolutely dreaded teaching the class that semester — despite the fact that I’ve always LOVED algebra (really math, in general) – enough to major in math in college and do two years of graduate work in the same field.

The PRO for Alpha-Omega is that: The workbooks do contain some instruction and examples, so students who miss class can review the material on their own.

Cons: The course is meant to be used with video instruction, so there was not really a good teacher’s guide with well-laid-out lesson plans available for me to use in class. Also, the homework was insane — as many as 450 problems per week, and much of that was busy work with vague explanations of what students were expected. Like “Make up a problem about such-and-such then solve it on your own.” Such non-discrete answers were a nightmare to grade when I had 9 or 10 students turning in nearly 500 problems each. There was simply no way I could check that amount of homework with any degree of thoroughness in the couple hours I had access to students’ completed assignments. 

In the end, we didn’t even make it six weeks before we abandoned that curriculum and went back to Math-U-See.  In fact, one of the leaders in our homeschool Co-op (NOT the one who chose the new curriculum) later confided to me that the AO Life Pacs were what convinced her mother to homeschool in the first place. The small private school in which she’d enrolled her oldest daughters used LifePacs and the curriculum was giving her little girls fits, as well. So she eventually decided she could do a better job educating them at home with a different curriculum, so that’s what she did!

My next question comes from a subscriber named Mary Alice. She writes…

QUESTION: Could you compose a new pledge of allegiance?

Dear Jennifer,

I so enjoy your emails & podcasts – even at my age – 83! Thank you for working so hard to plant values in the younger generation of women. 

When I read there is a day in September to honor The Pledge of Allegiance to our country. I am wondering if you have, or would be willing to compose, a Pledge of Allegiance to our Creator God who blesses us so abundantly.

Thank you for giving thought to that. Blessings in your ministry for the Lord & women,

Mary Alice 

ANSWER: I’d be glad to! Will this one work?

Well, I thought that was a really sweet idea and of course I was happy to fulfill that simple request.

Our homeschool group pledges allegiance to the American flag and to the Bible every Monday morning, but I’ve never encountered a pledge to the Creator before. So I wrote one myself. It goes like this:

I pledge allegiance to the LORD,
Creator of Heaven and Earth,
And to my Savor, Jesus Christ,
Who died for my sins
then rose again
to the praise and Glory of God.

I designed a pretty printable version, as well, which I’ll link in today’s show notes along with the Pledge to the Bible and the Pledge to the US Flag, in case you might be interested in any or all three.

Next is a question from a reader in South Africa. He writes…

QUESTION: Only for American Officers?

Good day, I was just looking at your Prayer for Police. Are you from America? And is the ” symbol for Police” also for America or can it be used all over the world? I am from South Africa.

[The symbol he is referencing was just some black line clip art I used at the top of this particular printable, which I’ll link in today’s show notes. And I’ll also include a link to a new prayer guide for the military, another (related) reader request I recently fulfilled.]

ANSWER: They all need prayer!

My answer to this international reader is that police badges differ from city to city and state to state. The symbol I used is not official. It was only meant to be a generic representation of law and order. I do not see any problem for people to use that symbol or pray that prayer for officers in other parts of the world. Because Police need divine strength and protection, no matter where they serve.

QUESTION: Recommended reading list for boys?

My next question is about books. A subscriber named Carol writes:

Do you have a “must read” book list for high school boys before graduating? If so, please share.

ANSWER: No (not yet!)

I don’t presently have any such post on the blog. But I should! I think that’s a great idea.

Off the top of my head, I think such a list would include…

The Men We Need – by Brant HansonDo Hard Things – by Alex and Brett HarrisCreated for Work – by Bob Schultz (sadly out of print)Thoughts for Young Men by J.C. RyleBiographies of George Muller and Brother AndrewMore Than Meets the Eye by Richard Swensen

Those are all non-fiction. As for Fiction, I’d also include

The Iron Ring and First Two Lives of Lucas Kasha by Lloyd AlexanderAs well as The Chronicles of Prydain by Lloyd AlexanderThe Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. TolkienThe Chronicles of Narnia by CS Lewis (especially The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. Prince Caspian, and The Horse and His Boy. And the Magician’s Nephew. And Voyage of the Dawn Treader. Really all of them are great.Also, To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper LeeWhere the Red Fern Grows by Wilson RawlsWonder and also White Bird by RJ PalacioCarry on Mr. Bowditch by Jean Lee LathamRestart and Schooled by Mark KormanA Single Shard by Linda Sue ParkOld Yeller by Fred Gipson

Those were a few of the books my boys really liked that would probably make the list. If you are listening and can think of any I’ve missed, drop me a line and let me know. I’ll do my best to expand upon this list and turn it into a post. Thanks for the inspiration.

QUESTION: The Men We Need?

The next question is about books, too. Melanie writes…

Hi Jennifer, 

I don’t know if your emails are designed to be answered, but I’m assuming since “friends” told you about the broken links, that you’ll see this reply.

I’m wondering about the book that you recommended, The Men We Need.  Do you think it would be appropriate for a pre-teen? 

Melanie

ANSWER: Yes and Yes

My ANSWER to both questions is yes:

Yes, My newsletters are designed to be answered, so you can just hit reply anytime you have something to say to me.

And also, yes. I think The Men We Need could be safely read by a preteen. I do not remember anything that would be objectionable for younger kids to read in Hanson’s book, alhtough I wasn’t specifically looking at it through that lens.

I think my youngest sons were 14 and 17 when we first read it and my daughter was 12. You might consider reading the book aloud to your preteens so you can discuss it as you go. It is simultaneously funny and sobering. Let me know what you think if you end up reading it (or listening to the audiobook) together!

Then, my last question today is from a reader who writes….

QUESTION:  How do you deal with misbehaving children who visit your home?

“One question that I have struggled with for years — and so I am reaching out to you for mentoring — is how to deal with other people’s children who are permitted to run wild in my home by their own parents.  I just had this happen last week, and I feel like when these families come over their children burst through the doors like a hurricane and the parents just watch and say nothing.  

“There are no boundaries, and some moms just credit their children’s behavior to “curiosity”.  It feels so awkward to me to say something “right then and there”, but as an older women now — who did not permit her children to act that way — I feel like need to and should say something.  I feel very uncomfortable and like the parents do not respect the privacy and sanctity of our home when they allow their children to act that way.  

“Even as I see this happening, however, I struggle SO much to confront it in the moment because I do not want to embarrass the parents or make them feel bad.  I just don’t know what to say, and I get so frustrated and angry with myself, more than anything.  

“As my husband and I were raising our 3 kids, we wanted people be happy to see us coming … not happy to see us going, and yet that is honestly how I feel when families like these come to our home — and they are Christian families, not unbelievers.  When our children were little I gleaned a lot of wisdom from older parents in our church who were a few steps ahead of us, as well as from solid, biblical authors or raising children.  

“We did not believe in child-proofing our home because the World is not child-proofed.  By teaching our children what “NO” meant at home, I was able to go to a store, someone else’s un-baby-proofed home or office, and I did not have to worry about my children being out of control, breaking something or embarrassing me.  

“I truly wanted our children to be a blessing wherever we went.   As the Proverbs 29:17 says, “Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart.” (ESV)  These children feel very much out of control, and while I want to practice hospitality, boundaries are necessary because “curiosity” can be very costly and even dangerous with boundaries. 

Thank you for taking my question and listening.  I was wrestling with this so much today and then I saw your [newsletter] pop into my email and so I thought “I’m going to ask Jennifer” what she would do!  : )

ANSWER: Proceed with caution

This particular reader is not the only mom to write me about this problem. I’ve heard from enough others to know what she describes is a common occurrence. So what can we do about it?

It’s a tough question, and something I’ve had to deal with from time to time myself. If the misbehaving kids are unlikely to ever come again, or maybe only once every year or two, I normally try my best to ignore the behavior. I don’t know if that’s really the best course of action, but it seems the most pragmatic for me. 

If, on the other hand, the children in question are regular guests —maybe they belong to members of a small group that meets weekly in your house or are neighbors who frequently drop in for a visit or even grandkids whose parents don’t always enforce the house rules as consistently as you’d like — then we’ve got to come up with a game plan that allows us to firmly but lovingly guide our youngest guests into adopting a higher standard of behavior than may normally be required of them. It will help if everybody living in your house is on the same page, so explain expectations beforehand and enlist the help of spouse and older children to enforce these rules. 

Insist visiting children stay in a public area where you can keep an eye on them at all times. Anticipate short attention spans and curiosity and provide coloring pages or building blocks or puzzles to entertain them while they’re in your home.

If they get bored with one toy, have them pick that one up and put it away before providing for them another. Speak directly to the children with a warm smile and an extra measure of patience. Don’t treat their curiosity as a failure on their parents’ part to train them but assume the role of teacher and encourager yourself as you sweetly explain the rules.

In my experience, parents usually will see this interaction and back you up. If they don’t or if the children are rude and disrespectful, you may have to have the offending children sit out until they can do better.

If the children are left in your care, it is a bit easier to navigate than when the parents are right in the next room. I remember when my oldest grandkids were little, they’d often stay with me while their mother ran errands. And inevitably, when my daughter-in-law came back to get them, she’d always acted surprised that my house still looked clean and the kids were all playing, even if they’d been there all day long including a couple of meals.

But that’s just because I enforced the same rules with them as I had for my own kids growing up. Namely, we cleaned up messes as we went along, with everybody pitching in to help. We’d all work together to get the kitchen cleaned up after meals, and we’d put one toy up before getting another out.  If, for instance, they got tired of playing with Lincoln Logs, we’d pick all those up and put them away before getting out the box of duplos or matchbox cars or dinosaurs.

I have a post called Taming the Toybox that explains our method in more detail. I’ll like that in the show notes, as well as a free printable chart of age-appropriate chores for children – in case you need a little inspiration.

As for correcting other people’s errant children, I would also recommend praying about the situation. That’s always the best place to start. God promises in James 1:5 that He will give wisdom to all who ask, and He will undoubtedly help you in this sticky situation as well.

In my experience, unless you are really very close, confronting parents directly about their children’s wild behavior rarely goes over well. It is hard to do that without coming across as judgmental or self-righteous. And anybody who’s raised as many children as I have knows that young kids are full of surprises and do not always behave as parents hope —  even when parents work consistently at training to do better.

I don’t think I’ve ever had a guest in my home do anything so outrageous that one of my own children hadn’t tried something equally as shocking first at some point in their life.

In fact, just last week, one of my youngest little grandkids snuck off unnoticed to a bathroom in the back of our house and opened a drawer of my closet desk, pulled out two or three sets of calligraphy markers and several bottles of glue, and dropped them all – one-by-one — into the toilet.

When his mother found out, she seemed mortified, but I well remember when my own daughter – who incidentally just turned 26 yesterday – did the same thing as a toddler, only she flushed the evidence. And I had to call the plumber 3 days in a row before he finally pulled the toilet and realized the u-trap was filled with a matrix of markers all jammed up like so many pixie sticks – so that water and even a little toilet paper could easily flush right through, but nothing solid could go down.

At least when little Lukie did the same thing, the water was clean, and he wasn’t able to reach the buttons on top of my toilet to flush all those craft supplies, so it was an easy matter to just fish everything back out of the bowl, dry it off, and put it away.

The point is, kids will be kids, but they do need guidance. Perhaps the mom who is sitting on your couch letting her kids run wild like a hurricane is feeling overwhelmed or at a loss as to how to reign them back in. So do your best to graciously redirect them. Read them a story. Serve them a snack. Give them some blocks to play with on the floor by your feet.

If they’re older, put them to work by hiring them to pick up pinecones or rake the leaves in your yard and keep them busy that way. Be gracious and loving, but also firm about enforcing the rules. Their Mom is sure to take notice and may even learn a few new strategies to try out at home.

The post EP 97: Q&A – Babies, Books, & Correcting Other People’s Children appeared first on Loving Life at Home.

EP 97: Q&A – Babies, Books, Badges, and Correcting Other People’s Children

Time for a little Q&A! I’ve been cleaning out my inbox this week and answering some of the questions my blog readers, podcast listeners, and/or newsletter subscribers have sent in. So I’ve decided to tackle several of those topics on today’s podcast episode.

Show NotesVERSES CITED:Proverbs 29:17 – “Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart.” James 1:5 – “But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him.”RELATED LINKS:EP 92: Benefits of Big Family LivingPledge of Allegiance to the FlagPledge of Allegiance to the BiblePledge of Allegiance to the CreatorA Prayer for Police OfficersPraying for our TroopsTaming the Toy BoxAge Appropriate Chores for ChildrenSTAY CONNECTED:Subscribe: Flanders Family Freebies -weekly themed link lists of free resourcesInstagram: @flanders_family – follow for more great contentFamily Blog: Flanders Family Home Life – parenting tips, homeschool help, printablesMarriage Blog: Loving Life at Home– encouragement for wives, mothers, believersMy Books: Shop Online – find on Amazon, at Barnes & Noble, or through our website Q&A: Babies, Books, Badges, and Correcting Other People’s ChildrenComplete transcript from Episode 87

Hello, Friends. Welcome to Episode 97 of Loving Life at Home. This week, I’ve been cleaning out my inbox and answering some of the questions my blog readers, podcast listeners, and/or newsletter subscribers have sent in.

I was planning to call this episode “Mailbox Monday,” but I’m late on posting it, so I had to change the title.

I guess I could’ve called it “Trying-to-Tidy-my-Inbox Tuesday,” or “Wish-I-Were-More-on-Top-of-Things Wednesday.”

But the point is, even after moving all the unsolicited email advertisements and other spam to the trash, I still have lots of bona-fide messages in my inbox awaiting a response: questions that need answering, topic suggestions for podcasts or posts, reader requests I want to work on.

So I decided to knock out a bunch of them all at once today. In this episode, I’ll be tackling questions such as:

Is it safe for most women to have ten or more babies?What math books are best for teaching homeschool students?Can I use your prayer guides if I live in another country?Could you please publish a new pledge of allegiance?What books would you recommend for boys to read?What should I do when other people’s kids misbehave in my home?

If you find any of those topics of interest, keep listening while we delve in. My first letter poses this question:

QUESTION: Is giving birth multiple times safe for healthy women?

Adam writes in response to my episode on the Benefits of Big Family Living (which I’ll link in today’s show notes).

Hi. Thank you for sharing your experience.

I am a man, but I want to know is it safe for most healthy women to have over 10 children? is having big families not for all healthy women? I heard pregnancies change many things about the bodies of women.

God bless your family. Thanks.

My ANSWER: Every woman is different!

I replied to him that…Yes, pregnancy definitely changes many things about a woman’s body. I cannot speak for all women, or even for all healthy women. But I’m happy to share what I’ve observed through the years.

And that is the fact that Some women’s bodies seem to “bounce back to normal” almost immediately after having a baby. Others, not so much. That’s even true of the same woman with different pregnancies. It certainly was for me. The baby weight simply melted away without any extra effort on my part after the first few deliveries, but it stubbornly clung to my hips and midsection for decades after I had my last few babies.

Additionally, some women, whether generally healthy or obviously out-of-shape, have such easy pregnancies and smooth deliveries that they would gladly consider having ten or more children. That’s the group I found myself in.

Other women, including some who were in tip-top health to begin with, endure such difficult pregnancies and traumatic deliveries that they will probably have to think twice before signing up to go through the same ordeal a second or third (much less a tenth or twelfth) time.

Of course, generally speaking, women have been successfully delivering babies for all of human history. Yet pregnancy and childbirth are not without risk. Between 700 and 800 women die in the US each year due to maternal causes (during pregnancy through six weeks postpartum). Though the risk of death is relatively low (far more women die each year in car accidents, for instance), it isn’t zero.

That’s why it’s so important for a couple to discuss this topic frankly and prayerfully in order to arrive at a joint decision regarding family size, while still recognizing it is God who opens and closes the womb.

You need to know that even if you both decide you want a double handful of children, that doesn’t automatically mean you will have them. Likewise, if you decide to limit yourselves to having just one or two children — or even zero – God can certainly overrule that decisions as well by sending you two or three babies at a time or by blessing you with a pregnancy even when you were doing everything in your power to prevent it.

I’m not sure what prompted this question from this listener. Maybe he isn’t even married yet but is simply curious about what caring for a wife and children might someday entail. Or maybe he IS married and is trying to convince a reluctant wife to have more children.

Either way, I’m pretty certain the average woman wouldn’t want her husband (or a potential husband) to pressure her to keep popping out babies just because some stranger on the Internet told him it was safe to do so.

The desire for a large family should ideally come from God, as He is the One to whom you both must look to sustain you when the going gets tough, which it inevitably will from time to time, regardless how many children you ultimately have or don’t have.

The next question is admittedly niche. Sherrie writes…

QUESTION: What’s the best way to teach math?

What curriculum [do you use] to teach Algebra? I run a cottage school, and we are having [a hard time finding a curriculum that works]! I would love to know what your co-op has used.

Thanks,

Sherrie

ANSWER: It all depends on how much time you can devote to teaching

My very favorite math curriculum and what I’ve always used with my own children (and still do) is Saxon Math – at least for grades 4 and up. Saxon didn’t have a curriculum for grades K-3 back when we first started homeschooling, so I had to find something else for the younger grades. My favorite for the early years is Horizons workbooks, and I stuck with those until my kids are ready for Saxon 54.

In the PRO column for Saxon, is:

1) It is straightforward. I can teach the material cover to cover, and with the exception of fractional part equations, Saxon explains everything exactly as I would explain it myself. So it is intuitive for me as a teacher. Also…

2) The books are non-consumeable. So I’ve been able to use the same textbooks for all twelve of my children and several of my grandchildren now, as well.

3) It teaches to mastery. Once most of my kids finish Algebra 2, they’ve been ready and able to CLEP out of College Algebra. Ditto for passing the Pre-Calculus CLEP after finishing Saxon Advanced Math. And those of my children who went all the way through Saxon calculus with me at home earned college credit for calculus through CLEP exams, as well.

4) The fourth thing in Saxon’s PRO column is something some students want to place in the CON column, and that is the fact Saxon has a lot of review in every homework set. It adds up to 25-30 questions a day, which to some kids seems like a lot. But I’m of the opinion that, if you understand the concepts, you’ll be able to get through all that review pretty fast. And if you don’t, then you really need the extra practice.

However, I’ve also taught Algebra 1 and 2 at my homeschool co-op for many years, and Saxon would not work very well at all for a class that meets only once a week (which in such a setting would be another CON). So I use Math-U-See to teach my co-op kids.

The PRO of this curricula is that it introduces only one new concept a week, followed by five homework problem sets and a test — perfect for co-op. I cover the topic on Mondays, the students do a worksheet on that topic each day and take a test over the weekend before moving on to a new topic the following week.

The CON is that the student workbook has no kind of instruction in it, so if a student misses class, he can’t really read over the concepts on his own unless his family also buys the textbook or invests in the DVDs of Steve Demme teaching each lesson.

Also, Math-U-See Algebra 2 includes a few geometry problems on every test, despite the fact that no geometry is ever explained in the text book or taught in class or reviewed in the homework assignments. And my students who have not yet taken Geometry are sometimes clueless as how to solve those problems.

(My solution: I count those as extra credit — students who solve them correctly get extra points added to their test grade, but students who miss them don’t lose any points for not knowing how to work them.)

Now, for some reason, the leadership at my co-op decided to switch math curriculum  a few years ago and went with Alpha Omega Life Pacs. I’ve used Life Pacs to teach physical science before at home and thought they were okay, but it was extremely stressful trying to adapt Alpha-Omega’s Algebra curriculum for my co-op classes and I absolutely dreaded teaching the class that semester — despite the fact that I’ve always LOVED algebra (really math, in general) – enough to major in math in college and do two years of graduate work in the same field.

The PRO for Alpha-Omega is that: The workbooks do contain some instruction and examples, so students who miss class can review the material on their own.

Cons: The course is meant to be used with video instruction, so there was not really a good teacher’s guide with well-laid-out lesson plans available for me to use in class. Also, the homework was insane — as many as 450 problems per week, and much of that was busy work with vague explanations of what students were expected. Like “Make up a problem about such-and-such then solve it on your own.” Such non-discrete answers were a nightmare to grade when I had 9 or 10 students turning in nearly 500 problems each. There was simply no way I could check that amount of homework with any degree of thoroughness in the couple hours I had access to students’ completed assignments. 

In the end, we didn’t even make it six weeks before we abandoned that curriculum and went back to Math-U-See.  In fact, one of the leaders in our homeschool Co-op (NOT the one who chose the new curriculum) later confided to me that the AO Life Pacs were what convinced her mother to homeschool in the first place. The small private school in which she’d enrolled her oldest daughters used LifePacs and the curriculum was giving her little girls fits, as well. So she eventually decided she could do a better job educating them at home with a different curriculum, so that’s what she did!

My next question comes from a subscriber named Mary Alice. She writes…

QUESTION: Could you compose a new pledge of allegiance?

Dear Jennifer,

I so enjoy your emails & podcasts – even at my age – 83! Thank you for working so hard to plant values in the younger generation of women. 

When I read there is a day in September to honor The Pledge of Allegiance to our country. I am wondering if you have, or would be willing to compose, a Pledge of Allegiance to our Creator God who blesses us so abundantly.

Thank you for giving thought to that. Blessings in your ministry for the Lord & women,

Mary Alice 

ANSWER: I’d be glad to! Will this one work?

Well, I thought that was a really sweet idea and of course I was happy to fulfill that simple request.

Our homeschool group pledges allegiance to the American flag and to the Bible every Monday morning, but I’ve never encountered a pledge to the Creator before. So I wrote one myself. It goes like this:

I pledge allegiance to the LORD,
Creator of Heaven and Earth,
And to my Savor, Jesus Christ,
Who died for my sins
then rose again
to the praise and Glory of God.

I designed a pretty printable version, as well, which I’ll link in today’s show notes along with the Pledge to the Bible and the Pledge to the US Flag, in case you might be interested in any or all three.

Next is a question from a reader in South Africa. He writes…

QUESTION: Only for American Officers?

Good day, I was just looking at your Prayer for Police. Are you from America? And is the ” symbol for Police” also for America or can it be used all over the world? I am from South Africa.

[The symbol he is referencing was just some black line clip art I used at the top of this particular printable, which I’ll link in today’s show notes. And I’ll also include a link to a new prayer guide for the military, another (related) reader request I recently fulfilled.]

ANSWER: They all need prayer!

My answer to this international reader is that police badges differ from city to city and state to state. The symbol I used is not official. It was only meant to be a generic representation of law and order. I do not see any problem for people to use that symbol or pray that prayer for officers in other parts of the world. Because Police need divine strength and protection, no matter where they serve.

QUESTION: Recommended reading list for boys?

My next question is about books. A subscriber named Carol writes:

Do you have a “must read” book list for high school boys before graduating? If so, please share.

ANSWER: No (not yet!)

I don’t presently have any such post on the blog. But I should! I think that’s a great idea.

Off the top of my head, I think such a list would include…

The Men We Need – by Brant HansonDo Hard Things – by Alex and Brett HarrisCreated for Work – by Bob Schultz (sadly out of print)Thoughts for Young Men by J.C. RyleBiographies of George Muller and Brother AndrewMore Than Meets the Eye by Richard Swensen

Those are all non-fiction. As for Fiction, I’d also include

The Iron Ring and First Two Lives of Lucas Kasha by Lloyd AlexanderAs well as The Chronicles of Prydain by Lloyd AlexanderThe Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. TolkienThe Chronicles of Narnia by CS Lewis (especially The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. Prince Caspian, and The Horse and His Boy. And the Magician’s Nephew. And Voyage of the Dawn Treader. Really all of them are great.Also, To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper LeeWhere the Red Fern Grows by Wilson RawlsWonder and also White Bird by RJ PalacioCarry on Mr. Bowditch by Jean Lee LathamRestart and Schooled by Mark KormanA Single Shard by Linda Sue ParkOld Yeller by Fred Gipson

Those were a few of the books my boys really liked that would probably make the list. If you are listening and can think of any I’ve missed, drop me a line and let me know. I’ll do my best to expand upon this list and turn it into a post. Thanks for the inspiration.

QUESTION: The Men We Need?

The next question is about books, too. Melanie writes…

Hi Jennifer, 

I don’t know if your emails are designed to be answered, but I’m assuming since “friends” told you about the broken links, that you’ll see this reply.

I’m wondering about the book that you recommended, The Men We Need.  Do you think it would be appropriate for a pre-teen? 

Melanie

ANSWER: Yes and Yes

My ANSWER to both questions is yes:

Yes, My newsletters are designed to be answered, so you can just hit reply anytime you have something to say to me.

And also, yes. I think The Men We Need could be safely read by a preteen. I do not remember anything that would be objectionable for younger kids to read in Hanson’s book, alhtough I wasn’t specifically looking at it through that lens.

I think my youngest sons were 14 and 17 when we first read it and my daughter was 12. You might consider reading the book aloud to your preteens so you can discuss it as you go. It is simultaneously funny and sobering. Let me know what you think if you end up reading it (or listening to the audiobook) together!

Then, my last question today is from a reader who writes….

QUESTION:  How do you deal with misbehaving children who visit your home?

“One question that I have struggled with for years — and so I am reaching out to you for mentoring — is how to deal with other people’s children who are permitted to run wild in my home by their own parents.  I just had this happen last week, and I feel like when these families come over their children burst through the doors like a hurricane and the parents just watch and say nothing.  

“There are no boundaries, and some moms just credit their children’s behavior to “curiosity”.  It feels so awkward to me to say something “right then and there”, but as an older women now — who did not permit her children to act that way — I feel like need to and should say something.  I feel very uncomfortable and like the parents do not respect the privacy and sanctity of our home when they allow their children to act that way.  

“Even as I see this happening, however, I struggle SO much to confront it in the moment because I do not want to embarrass the parents or make them feel bad.  I just don’t know what to say, and I get so frustrated and angry with myself, more than anything.  

“As my husband and I were raising our 3 kids, we wanted people be happy to see us coming … not happy to see us going, and yet that is honestly how I feel when families like these come to our home — and they are Christian families, not unbelievers.  When our children were little I gleaned a lot of wisdom from older parents in our church who were a few steps ahead of us, as well as from solid, biblical authors or raising children.  

“We did not believe in child-proofing our home because the World is not child-proofed.  By teaching our children what “NO” meant at home, I was able to go to a store, someone else’s un-baby-proofed home or office, and I did not have to worry about my children being out of control, breaking something or embarrassing me.  

“I truly wanted our children to be a blessing wherever we went.   As the Proverbs 29:17 says, “Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart.” (ESV)  These children feel very much out of control, and while I want to practice hospitality, boundaries are necessary because “curiosity” can be very costly and even dangerous with boundaries. 

Thank you for taking my question and listening.  I was wrestling with this so much today and then I saw your [newsletter] pop into my email and so I thought “I’m going to ask Jennifer” what she would do!  : )

ANSWER: Proceed with caution

This particular reader is not the only mom to write me about this problem. I’ve heard from enough others to know what she describes is a common occurrence. So what can we do about it?

It’s a tough question, and something I’ve had to deal with from time to time myself. If the misbehaving kids are unlikely to ever come again, or maybe only once every year or two, I normally try my best to ignore the behavior. I don’t know if that’s really the best course of action, but it seems the most pragmatic for me. 

If, on the other hand, the children in question are regular guests —maybe they belong to members of a small group that meets weekly in your house or are neighbors who frequently drop in for a visit or even grandkids whose parents don’t always enforce the house rules as consistently as you’d like — then we’ve got to come up with a game plan that allows us to firmly but lovingly guide our youngest guests into adopting a higher standard of behavior than may normally be required of them. It will help if everybody living in your house is on the same page, so explain expectations beforehand and enlist the help of spouse and older children to enforce these rules. 

Insist visiting children stay in a public area where you can keep an eye on them at all times. Anticipate short attention spans and curiosity and provide coloring pages or building blocks or puzzles to entertain them while they’re in your home.

If they get bored with one toy, have them pick that one up and put it away before providing for them another. Speak directly to the children with a warm smile and an extra measure of patience. Don’t treat their curiosity as a failure on their parents’ part to train them but assume the role of teacher and encourager yourself as you sweetly explain the rules.

In my experience, parents usually will see this interaction and back you up. If they don’t or if the children are rude and disrespectful, you may have to have the offending children sit out until they can do better.

If the children are left in your care, it is a bit easier to navigate than when the parents are right in the next room. I remember when my oldest grandkids were little, they’d often stay with me while their mother ran errands. And inevitably, when my daughter-in-law came back to get them, she’d always acted surprised that my house still looked clean and the kids were all playing, even if they’d been there all day long including a couple of meals.

But that’s just because I enforced the same rules with them as I had for my own kids growing up. Namely, we cleaned up messes as we went along, with everybody pitching in to help. We’d all work together to get the kitchen cleaned up after meals, and we’d put one toy up before getting another out.  If, for instance, they got tired of playing with Lincoln Logs, we’d pick all those up and put them away before getting out the box of duplos or matchbox cars or dinosaurs.

I have a post called Taming the Toybox that explains our method in more detail. I’ll like that in the show notes, as well as a free printable chart of age-appropriate chores for children – in case you need a little inspiration.

As for correcting other people’s errant children, I would also recommend praying about the situation. That’s always the best place to start. God promises in James 1:5 that He will give wisdom to all who ask, and He will undoubtedly help you in this sticky situation as well.

In my experience, unless you are really very close, confronting parents directly about their children’s wild behavior rarely goes over well. It is hard to do that without coming across as judgmental or self-righteous. And anybody who’s raised as many children as I have knows that young kids are full of surprises and do not always behave as parents hope —  even when parents work consistently at training to do better.

I don’t think I’ve ever had a guest in my home do anything so outrageous that one of my own children hadn’t tried something equally as shocking first at some point in their life.

In fact, just last week, one of my youngest little grandkids snuck off unnoticed to a bathroom in the back of our house and opened a drawer of my closet desk, pulled out two or three sets of calligraphy markers and several bottles of glue, and dropped them all – one-by-one — into the toilet.

When his mother found out, she seemed mortified, but I well remember when my own daughter – who incidentally just turned 26 yesterday – did the same thing as a toddler, only she flushed the evidence. And I had to call the plumber 3 days in a row before he finally pulled the toilet and realized the u-trap was filled with a matrix of markers all jammed up like so many pixie sticks – so that water and even a little toilet paper could easily flush right through, but nothing solid could go down.

At least when little Lukie did the same thing, the water was clean, and he wasn’t able to reach the buttons on top of my toilet to flush all those craft supplies, so it was an easy matter to just fish everything back out of the bowl, dry it off, and put it away.

The point is, kids will be kids, but they do need guidance. Perhaps the mom who is sitting on your couch letting her kids run wild like a hurricane is feeling overwhelmed or at a loss as to how to reign them back in. So do your best to graciously redirect them. Read them a story. Serve them a snack. Give them some blocks to play with on the floor by your feet.

If they’re older, put them to work by hiring them to pick up pinecones or rake the leaves in your yard and keep them busy that way. Be gracious and loving, but also firm about enforcing the rules. Their Mom is sure to take notice and may even learn a few new strategies to try out at home.

The post EP 97: Q&A – Babies, Books, Badges, and Correcting Other People’s Children appeared first on Loving Life at Home.

EP 96: 25 Ways to Be a Good Neighbor

Since September is National Good Neighbor Month, I thought this would be the perfect time to share some of my family’s favorite ways to be a good neighbor (or at least, the top 25 ).

Compiling this list of ideas was easy. Our family has been blessed with lots and lots of wonderful neighbors throughout the years, so it was a simple matter of remembering all the kind things they’ve done for us along the way.

The material for this episode came from a blog post I originally wrote several years ago, which you can still read in its entirety blow today’s show notes.

Show NotesVERSES CITED:Colossians 4:5-6  tells us to “Act wisely toward outsiders, redeeming the time. Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.”Hebrews 13:2 – “Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it.” Isaiah 58:10 – “Feed the hungry, and help those in trouble. Then your light will shine out from the darkness, and the darkness around you will be as bright as noon.”Proverbs 27:14 -“If someone blesses his neighbor with a loud voice early in the morning, it will be counted as a curse to him.”Romans 12:16, 18  – “Live in harmony with one another…. If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all people.” Luke 1:58 – “Her neighbors and relatives heard that the Lord had shown her great mercy, and they shared her joy.”Romans 12:15 – “Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.”Romans 12:12 – “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, persistent in prayer.”Galatians 5:13 – “You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love.” 2 Corinthians 9:8 – “God can bless you with everything you need, and you will always have more than enough to do all kinds of good things for others.”1 Timothy 5:13 – “… going around from house to house; but even worse, they learn to be gossips and busybodies, talking of things they should not.”Philippians 2:4 – “Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.”Proverbs 27:10 – “Better is a neighbor who is near than a brother who is far away.”James 2:15-17 – “If a brother or sister is without clothing and in need of daily food, and one of you says to them, ‘Go in peace, be warmed and be filled,’ yet you do not give them what is necessary for their body, what use is that? In the same way, faith also, if it has no works, is dead, being by itself.” Romans 12:10-11  – “Outdo yourselves in honoring one another. Do not let your zeal subside; keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord.”Romans 10:14 – “But how can they call on him to save them unless they believe in him? And how can they believe in him if they have never heard about him? And how can they hear about him unless someone tells them?” Matthew 22:37-39 – “This is the great and foremost commandment. The second is like it, ‘YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.’ On these two commandments depend the whole Law and the Prophets.””RELATED LINKS:EP 78 –  How to Deal with Unneighborly Neighbors Free Resource Library STAY CONNECTED:Subscribe: Flanders Family Freebies -weekly themed link lists of free resourcesInstagram: @flanders_family – follow for more great contentFamily Blog: Flanders Family Home Life – parenting tips, homeschool help, printablesMarriage Blog: Loving Life at Home– encouragement for wives, mothers, believersMy Books: Shop Online – find on Amazon, at Barnes & Noble, or through our website 25 Ways to be a Good Neighbor

Since September 28 is National Good Neighbor Day, I thought this would be the perfect time to share this list of 25 ways to be a good neighbor.

Compiling the list was easy. Our family has been blessed with lots and lots of wonderful neighbors throughout the years, so it was a simple matter of remembering all the kind things they’ve done for us along the way.

Even if you haven’t been fortunate enough to have such neighbors as I’ve described below, you can BE that kind of neighbor to the people around you. Treat others the way you’d want to be treated, right?

That’s why our family has attempted to pay it forward by adopting these 25 practices ourselves and reaching out to new neighbors the way old ones reached out to us.

Introduce yourself

Make the first move, even if it feels awkward. Tell them your name. Remind them again if it’s been a while since you last saw them or you run into them in a different context. “Hi, Jane. I’m Jennifer. I met you at the pool last summer. How have you been?” Learn their names and use them in conversation to reinforce your memory. Exchange phone numbers with them.

“Act wisely toward outsiders, redeeming the time. Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” – Colossians 4:5-6

Have them over

Be hospitable. Open your home. Invite your neighbors in for coffee and conversation. Welcome them warmly. Don’t worry about dust on the furniture or dishes in the sink. If you wait until your house is Pinterest perfect, you’ll never have anyone over at all.

“Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it.” – Hebrews 13:2

Spend time outside

Sit on your porch. Putter around in the garden. Play ball with your kids. Walk around the block. Let your family become a familiar sight in the neighborhood. Being outdoors together makes you more accessible and approachable and invites neighborly interactions.

“Make your front porch a part of your home, and it will make you a part of the world.” – John Sarris

Be friendly

Wave to your neighbors when you see them out and about. Smile at them. Engage in casual conversation. Ask how they’re doing and listen attentively when they answer.

“Don’t wait for people to be friendly, show them how.” – Author Unknown

Bring them a meal

Food is a great way to welcome newcomers to the neighborhood and make old ones feel cared for. Is your neighbor recovering from an illness? Is she shut in and lonely? Is he recovering from surgery? Did they just have a baby?

Then bake them a casserole. Or make a double batch of whatever you’re having for dinner and take half to them. Shared meals are a great way to support neighbors during difficult times.

“Feed the hungry, and help those in trouble. Then your light will shine out from the darkness, and the darkness around you will be as bright as noon.”- Isaiah 58:10

Keep the noise down

Whether your neighbor is convalescing or not, be mindful of how much noise you make. Do your best to provide a peaceful environment for those who live near you. Turn down the music. Don’t shout or slam doors. It’s fine to laugh and have fun, but dial down the volume, especially during quiet hours when others may be sleeping.

“If someone blesses his neighbor with a loud voice early in the morning, it will be counted as a curse to him.” – Proverbs 27:14

Loan a tool

Do you have a fertilizer spreader, a post hole digger, a circular saw, or any other infrequently-used tool that would make a job your neighbor is doing easier? Offer to let them borrow it. Our neighbors have saved us bundles by loaning trailers, welding equipment, dollies, and other things we’d never have dreamed of asking for on our own — right when we needed them most.

“It is better to be a lender than a spender.” – Jim Rohn

Be a peacemaker

Do your best to get along with your neighbors. Treat them respectfully. Make allowances for different backgrounds, values, and belief systems. Don’t grumble against them or act easily offended. If they have a problem with you, listen attentively to their complaint and work toward a satisfactory solution.

“Live in harmony with one another…. If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all people.” – Romans 12:16, 18

Celebrate their accomplishments

Cheer your neighbors on. Remember special days like birthdays and anniversaries. Rejoice with them over new babies, weddings, graduations, and job promotions. Offer your best wishes and heartfelt congratulations.

“Her neighbors and relatives heard that the Lord had shown her great mercy, and they shared her joy.” – Luke 1:58

Pray for them

Lift your neighbors up in prayer. Pray for their health and wellbeing. Pray for their family. Pray for your relationship, that you’d be able to live in harmony alongside them. If they do not know Christ, pray for their salvation and for opportunities to be the hands and feet of Jesus in their lives.

“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, persistent in prayer.” – Romans 12:12

Lend a hand

I love the way pioneers pitched in to help with burdensome tasks. The whole community would show up for a barn raising. They’d knock the work out in short order and have a great time doing it.

You may not have any neighbors who need help building a barn, but you could help move boxes, rake leaves, shovel snow, and the like. Stay alert for opportunities to lend a hand, and you’re sure to find them.

“You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love.” – Galatians 5:13


Throw a party

Consider hosting a block party, a holiday brunch, or an ice cream social. Not only does this give you the opportunity to get better acquainted with your neighbors, but it allows them to get to know one another better, as well.

We love any excuse to invite friends over. We’ve hosted family olympic games, Bible studies, and neighborhood ping pong tournaments. For years a friend of ours hosted a weekly potluck dinner where everybody on the block brought their leftovers and shared a meal together. Fellowship doesn’t have to be fancy to be fun.

“Life is a celebration. Consider everything that makes you happy as a gift from God and say, ‘Thank you.'” – Francis Lucille

Share your blessings

Do you have a vegetable or flower garden? Share produce or bouquets with the people who live near you. Do you subscribe to magazines or the daily news? Read them early and pass them along to a neighbor who might also enjoy them. This is how our family was first introduced to WORLD Magazine — by a neighbor who faithfully passed his bi-monthly issues along to us once he’d finished perusing them. Some other neighbors built a basketball court in their backyard and extended an open invitation for our kids to shoot hoops there whenever they like. We’ve had similar offers from a neighbor with a swimming pool.

“God can bless you with everything you need, and you will always have more than enough to do all kinds of good things for others.” – 2 Corinthians 9:8

Keep their confidence

If your neighbor comes to you for counsel, don’t blab their business to others. Nobody likes a gossip. Show yourself to be a discreet and trustworthy confidant.

“They… waste their time in going around from house to house; but even worse, they learn to be gossips and busybodies, talking of things they should not.” – 1 Timothy 5:13

Maintain your property

To the degree that you are able, keep your house in good repair and yard looking nice. Not only is doing so a way to wisely steward what God has given you, but it will bless your neighbors, as well, and will contribute to their own property value.

“Being a good neighbor is an art which makes life richer.” – Gladys Taber

Keep a lookout

Last time we were in London, the subways were plastered with posters that read, “See it. Say it. Sort it.” In other words, commuters should keep their eyes open and report anything suspicious to the authorities so it can be investigated. The same slogan works in a neighborhood, too. If you notice anything out of the ordinary going on at the home of a neighbor — smoke, leaks, strangers, ambulances — call to check up on them and make sure everything is all right.

“Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.” – Philippians 2:4

Share your expertise

Do you know how to sew, bake, paint, cut hair, or do some sort of handcraft? Are you tech-savvy or good at growing things? Be willing to teach your neighbors what you know or answer questions they may have in your area of expertise. When I was 7-years-old, my mother sent me to a neighbor to learn how to crochet, and I’ve been at it for nearly 50 years since and have given similar lessons to others who were eager to learn.

“It is the supreme art of the teacher to awaken joy in creative expression and knowledge.” – Albert Einstein

Offer your services

Do your kids attend the same school or play on the same sports team as your neighbor’s children? Offer to carpool. Would you be willing to water your neighbors’ plants or collect their mail while they’re on vacation? Let them know. Are you willing to walk their dog while you walk your own or swap childcare. Discuss the possibility with your neighbor and come up with a plan.

“Better is a neighbor who is near than a brother who is far away.” – Proverbs 27:10“

Empathize with their Losses

Living in community means having myriad opportunities to “mourn with those who mourn; weep with those who weep.” Has your neighbor lost a loved one, a job, or a family pet? Has she struggled with health problems, received a terminal diagnosis, or faced some other stress-inducing situation? Offer condolences and a sympathetic ear. Listen as they process, avoid pat answers, and ask for specific ways you can help.

“Remember those in prison as if you were bound with them, and those who are mistreated as if you were suffering with them.” – Hebrews 13:3

Show Appreciation

Let your neighbors know how grateful you are for them. Offer sincere words of encouragement and praise. Point out qualities you appreciate about them. If they routinely do any of the things on this list, thank them for it and count yourself blessed.

“There is no such thing as gratitude unexpressed. If it is unexpressed, it is plain, old-fashioned ingratitude.” – Robert Brault

Meet a need

Jesus gave a pretty broad definition of neighbor that encompasses far more than the few people who share our apartment building or block or subdivision. And He also made it clear that feeding the hungry, giving water to the thirsty, clothing the naked, and otherwise caring for the needy counts as if we’d done the same for Him.

“If a brother or sister is without clothing and in need of daily food, and one of you says to them, “Go in peace, be warmed and be filled,” yet you do not give them what is necessary for their body, what use is that? In the same way, faith also, if it has no works, is dead, being by itself.” – James 2:15-17

Serenade them with song

Our family loves Christmas caroling from door to door every December. We drop off flyers in advance asking anybody who is at home and would like for us to sing to them in their front yard that evening to leave their porch lights on.

“The best way to spread Christmas cheer is by singing loud for all to hear.” – Buddy the Elf

Give thoughtful gifts

Speaking of Christmas, the holiday season is a great time to remember your neighbors with a thoughtful gift. If you enjoy cooking, bake banana nut bread for the neighbors or take them some other treat from your kitchen. If you’re crafty, make them a Christmas ornament. Or take them store bought cookies or a pretty Poinsettia. Anything to let them know you’re thinking of them.

“Christmas means giving. The Father gave the Son, and the Son gave His life. Without giving, there is no true Christmas, and without sacrifice, there is no true worship.” – Gordon B. Hinckley

Set the example

Live a life of integrity. Be joyful and humble and kind. Do right by others. Treat them the way you’d want to be treated.

“Outdo yourselves in honoring one another. Do not let your zeal subside; keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord.” – Romans 12:10-11

Share the Gospel

If your neighbors do not already know Jesus, sharing the gospel is the best, most loving thing you will ever do for them. But unless you first do at least a few of the other things on this list to build rapport, they may not be very interested in anything you have to say.

Live out the gospel before them. But also use words. Invite them to church services, outreach events, and/or home Bible studies. But also pray for opportunities and boldness to have frank discussions about their faith. Because all the rapport in the world will not save them if they never come to grips with the gravity of personal sin and their desperate need for a Savior.

“But how can they call on him to save them unless they believe in him? And how can they believe in him if they have never heard about him? And how can they hear about him unless someone tells them?” – Romans 10:14

Loving your neighbor is serious business. Jesus said it was the greatest commandment, second only to loving God with all your heart, soul, and mind. (see Matthew 22:36-39) If it is that important to Him, shouldn’t it also be important to us?

The post EP 96: 25 Ways to Be a Good Neighbor appeared first on Loving Life at Home.

EP 95: A Family Shark Tank Challenge

We have an uber-competitive family who loves any kind of contest, physical or mental, especially when prizes are involved. We recently gathered to compete in a Family Shark Tank Challenge. And in Episode 95 of Loving Life at Home, I’m dishing up all the details as to how it went down.

Show Notes VERSES CITED:1 Corinthians 9:24 – “Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way as to win the prize.”Hebrews 10:24 – “And let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds….”RELATED LINKS:Gospel Tracts for All Occasions (including contest winners)Free Printable Trivia Tests (including movie quizzes)Room Inspection ChecklistState Capital Matching GameA Grand Investment (print pack with resources I created for our family’s Bible memory challenge)STAY CONNECTED:Subscribe: Flanders Family Freebies -weekly themed link lists of free resourcesInstagram: @flanders_family – follow for more great contentFamily Blog: Flanders Family Home Life – parenting tips, homeschool help, printablesMarriage Blog: Loving Life at Home– encouragement for wives, mothers, believersMy Books: Shop Online – find on Amazon, at Barnes & Noble, or through our website Family Shark Tank ChallengeFull Transcript from Episode 95

Hello, Friend. Welcome to Episode 95 of Loving Life at Home.

Last week I promised to tell you about our family’s recent Shark Tank challenge, so that’s what I want to do today. But first I feel like you need a little bit of background information.

We have a very competitive culture in our family. We love challenging, one another, whether physically, or mentally or with silly competitions that don’t count for anything at all, except for fun memories and family togetherness. So it’s a friendly sort of competition, but competition nonetheless.

When the kids were little, this often took the form of push-up or sit up or chin up competitions. Or we’d see who could stand on their hands or sit on the wall or hold a plank position the longest.

One year I bought the family a slack line for Christmas, strung it between two trees about 30 feet apart, and offered $10 to the first child who could successfully cross it without falling. They practiced constantly! One of our daughters, who was about 6 or 7 at the time, would get up with the sun every morning and go to the back yard while it was barely even light to get in practice time before siblings got up and started lining up for their turns.

A Variety of Contests

Of course, not all the competitions were physical. Sometimes we’d see which child could read the most books over the summer. Or design the most clear and concise gospel tract (I’ll include links to the winners of that competition in today’s show notes.) Or we’d race to see who could complete a trivia test the fastest (I have lots of free printable quizzes on our family website we’ve used over the years for different holidays – Thanksgivng, Christmas, Easter, Reformation Day, MLK Day, St. Patrick’s Day, and the like – and others that cover details from some of our family’s favorite movies that we’ll drag out anytime we re-watch a particular show together, especially around Christmas. I’ll provide links to both those categories in the show notes, as well.)

Sometimes we’ll compete in a board game tournament – just last night, we all played bananagrams and one of my daughters-in-law won every single round – against some really top competitors!

Or we’ll see who can get the highest score in a spelling bee or finish their math drills the fastest. Or earn the highest score on room inspection or make their bed and keep their rooms nice and tidy for the most days in a row.

When we travel, we often map out obstacle courses at rest stops, then time each child as they complete it. Or we compete to see who can correctly identify the most capital cities of states we’re passing through. Or execute the most impressive jump off a high dive. Or win a foot race to the top of a long hill. Or best the most family members at King of the Mountain.

1 Cor. 9:24 tells us,

“Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way as to win the prize.”

I think most of my family members have really taken that verse to heart, and I don’t just mean in the metaphorical sense it was intended. It really doesn’t matter what the competition was (or is), our kids are game and will be trying their best to win it.

A Prize for the Winner

That may be because we normally offer some kind of prize. Sometimes the winner gets money, sometimes a gold sticker on a chore chart, sometimes winner gets the privilege of picking the restaurant we eat at for at for dinner or the flavor of ice cream we bring home from the grocery store or even the movie we watch as a family that night.

Sometimes the prize is merely a pat on the back and the satisfaction that comes from finishing first – like Mikayla got last night with bananagrams. Or maybe a silly trophy or a medal made from a salsa lid strung on a piece of ribbon or a special certificate I designed on my computer and printed out at home.

One year we sponsored a neighborhood ping-pong tournament, for which the cardiologist next-door took top honors. Rumor is, he still has a framed copy of the ping-pong championship certificate he won at this event hanging on the office wall at his clinic, right next to his medical school diploma and his other professional certifications and accolades.

You get the idea. If you want buy-in from every member of our family, all you have to do is gamify whatever you want done and offer some token award to the winner.

My son Benjamin has always been great at making a game out of chores. He also loves playing tag and used to promise a dollar to any sibling who could catch him. He would run just slow enough for them to feel like they really had a chance, but when they started getting older and faster, he’d ramp up the speed. It was rare than anybody ever caught him.

Benjamin also trained most of his younger siblings and nephews to be formidable ultimate frisbee players by running them through their paces in a variety of drills in our backyard, where he’d give a piece of candy to each child who could catch the frisbee, he threw their way. He had it down to a science and watching the whole group practice was like admiring a finely oiled machine.

A Family Tradition

But Ben is not the only one who has taken up the mantle in designing family competitions. My son Samuel and his wife Bekah Joy (we use her middle name to differentiate her from our daughter, Rebekah) – but they took things to a whole new level several years ago when they began sponsoring elaborate yearly competitions that involve the whole family.

Samuel tells me that, pretty soon after they married, the two of them spent a whole day – or maybe it was a whole weekend — brainstorming, and they generated a long list of ideas they’ve been working off ever since for what has now become a new family tradition of these elaborate challenges that we all look forward with great enthusiasm every year.

I think he drew inspiration from areas that he either really enjoyed as a kid himself and was naturally good at (like geography and physical fitness) or subjects he wished he’d given more attention to when he was younger (like public speaking and PowerPoint slides).

Truth be told, some of these competitions were undoubtedly designed to remedy perceived gaps in my children’s home education. They were either things I didn’t teach at all or maybe not as thoroughly as I should have – like budgeting and money management — or else I covered them in a way that was so boring it failed to catch and hold everybody’s attention.

But that’s okay. I’m just happy my older kids are finding such fun and creative ways to inspire their siblings to regularly devote time to learning skills and building habits that will benefit them and enrich their lives in the long run. That’s a win for all of us – no matter who comes away with the grand prize!

Really, they’re taking Hebrews 10:24 to heart by “considering how to stimulate others to love and good works” while simultaneously rectifying common learning gaps for the next generation – including his younger siblings and nieces and nephews — which I think is so smart and generous, and just all-around amazing. I love it!

Filling in the Gaps

One of the first competitions that Samuel and Bekah Joy sponsored was aimed at getting our kids to learn more about finances and the wise use of money. He challenged each of us to read a book of our own choosing on any topic related to finances then submit a written report on what we learned. That was pretty straightforward. He gave everyone a scoring rubric to use in evaluating all the essays submitted, and so we all read each one and voted on the our favorites using that grading rubric.

Skills taught or practiced through this competition included reading, writing, and finances – not only did you learn the material from the book you read personally, but you also got the highlights from the books everybody else read, as well, since we all had to read and score each report submitted.

It’s been a long time since that challenge, but I think top prize for that competition was $300, second was $200 and third was $100. There were also special prizes of maybe $50 or so for the top non-winning essays in each age group.

I don’t remember who won that competition. All I know for sure is that I finished dead — despite the fact that I read six or seven financial books during the course of that year and my essay reported on all of them. Or at least at least I reviewed all of them. I think I didn’t adequately summarize any of the books I read, which is what the sponsors were really looking for.

Let’s see, I believe the next competition for the following year was physical fitness. Samuel and Bekah Joy gave specific guidelines as to how we could earn points for working out at least 20 minutes three times a week and we got extra points for maintaining a streak of this three times weekly exercise for over two weeks. Top earner for that competition generous prize I want to say it was $500. Maybe more, toward something that would support the winner’s continued physical fitness, like a gym membership, or home workout equipment, or fees to join a sports team that sort of thing.

Learning New Skills

The year after that, they challenged us all to study a country and come up with a PowerPoint teaching what we learned. Samuel loved geography as a kid – I’m pretty sure he even won first place in a geography bee our homeschool support group sponsored when he was in middle school, but he admits the inspiration for the PowerPoint portion of the competition was an honor society convention for which he had to present a PowerPoint slide show  during college. He was very satisfied with his slides until he saw the amazing and visually stunning presentations all the other honor students delivered at the national convention and then he felt sad, and maybe even a bit ashamed, that he hadn’t devoted more time and effort to his own.

So to spare his siblings from that same kind of embarrassment, he wanted them to learn PowerPoint at a younger age and see examples of other family members PowerPoint before they ever found themselves in such a situation in college.

We had some amazing family presentations that year. Several people included elements other than the slide show to help immerse their audience in whatever country they studied. One of my daughters studied to England, dressed up in period garb, and a served scones and tea during her presentation.  Others served soup or passed around souvenirs and artifacts from the country they studied.

My country was Poland, so I hand embroidered a traditional Polish costume to wear during my presentation, sang some Polish songs, and served special wafers that are common treats in Poland around Christmas time, which is when this particular family competition was taking place.

I did much better that year than I did on the financial book reading. I think I may have even earned first place. Again, Samuel and Bekah provided a grading rubric so that we could each score one another’s presentation. I don’t remember for sure what the prize was that year. So maybe I didn’t win it after all. I’ll have to look back at our Christmas letter to figure it out.

A Worthwhile Endeaver

I do know the following year’s competition was Bible memory. We had several amazing presentations that year. I’m pretty sure I already explained the details from that challenge and an earlier episode of this podcast. I’ll look it up and link it in the show notes in case you’re interested.

I know for sure I won the top price that year, which was $1000 toward a trip to Israel or $500 cash. I totally would’ve taken the allowance for a visit to the Holy Land, except that was right after the October 7 Hamas attack, so I opted for the cash prize instead and used it as seed money to fund ongoing monthly memory challenges for my kids and grandkids.

We’ve been doing that for a couple of years now, with more than 20 family members participating who have learned a combined total of well over 1000 verses. I’ll link more information about how we do that competition in today’s show notes, including a couple of print packs filled with the verses we’ve learned plus all the resources I created to help make memorizing those passages easier – including unique awards certificates for each month, in case you want to establish the same tradition in your own family.

Let’s see… the year after that, we were all required to make a 2- to 5- — or maybe it was 2- to 10-minute — video on a stem topic of our choice. STEM stands for science, technology, engineering, and mathematics for those who don’t know the acronym.

Anyway, that was a really interesting competition. We all learned so much. My daughter Rachel won first prize in that contest for a very thorough and well done look at evolution versus Young earth creationism. I would really love to post several of those videos the kids did that year. If I ever get around to doing so, I’ll come back and link those videos in the show notes as well.

Pitch Yourself or Your Idea

And that brings us up to this year’s family Shark Tank challenge. Samuel and his wife had set aside a fixed amount of money they wanted to invest in projects other family members were interested in. I know they give a certain percentage of their income each year to charitable causes anyway, so I think this is challenge was probably just one sub-category of giving for their family – and so much appreciated by the rest of us.

But beyond investing part of their treasure in the lives of their loved ones, a secondary goal for this competition was to help refine family members’ ability to pitch themselves or an idea — something Samuel noted is very important, because if you don’t know how to do this properly, then someday “you may go ask your boss for a raise from and get fired instead.” So it’s an important life skill.

To participate in this year’s competition, family members had to either pitch themselves as a potential shark or pitch an idea and a request for funding. We wound up with a panel of five sharks, which included: Samuel and his wife Bekah Joy, my husband, Doug, my mother (whom all our kids and grandkids call Nana) and our 19-year-old son Daniel.

Actually, Nana didn’t pitch herself. She was nominated by Samuel who wrote the most wonderful and honoring pitch on her behalf. I need to have him send me a copy of it, because it’s a real treasure and I want to keep a copy forever.

He did such a great job outlining all Nana’s qualifications – including the fact she already invests in the lives of all her children and grandchildren and great grandchildren by faithfully praying for them by name every single day and by combing through our family chat for details that will help her pray more specifically.

Anyway, the rules (which Sam and Bekah totally made up just for the occasion) specified that sales pitches would be given in order of age, youngest to oldest. If you skipped your turn, you would be bumped to the very end, which means funding might run out before they ever got to you again. So it paid to go when it was your right by age to do so.

Also, the other sharks were allowed to add to the pot of funding before the competition began, but once the first pitch started, the budget couldn’t change. Also, sellers had to convince a majority of sharks to fund their project. No individual shark could fund any project separate from the group. And any sellers whose first request was denied would be given an opportunity to negotiate for less funding with one and only one counter-offer. If that one was denied, as well, then you lost out and your project didn’t get funded.

The youngest grandchildren to participate –and therefore the first to give their pitches — were actually the children of the original two sharks, Samuel and Bekah Joy. In a brilliant and time-saving move, Samuel had pre-recorded their speeches so that they each only had to stand at the front of the audience underneath their slideshow while the tape played.

Youngest to Oldest

Sarah went first. She’s not even three yet, so her dad had used the voice memo feature on his phone to pre-record her saying one sentence at a time, pausing to prompt her with each new sentence before resuming the recording, so that the finished presentation flowed so smoothly and lasted less than two minutes.

She requested seven dollars for a gallon of sweet tea to share at the pool with her family because they all love tea and enjoy spending time together, plus the summer is hot and it’s important to stay hydrated. Her request was approved – unanimously, I think.

Their oldest daughter, Evelyn, Is 4 ½. She asked for $21 to buy three coloring books, one for her and one for each of her siblings. Except the baby. She didn’t ask for a coloring book for him, as he is too young to color right now. But she had specific coloring books in mind for everybody else and had already priced them. She pointed out the fact that coloring is good for hand-eye coordination and fine motor skill development. It fosters creativity and is also a fun screen-free activity. She got fully funded, just like her little sister.

Next up with Nathan who is six. He requested a set of Ninjago Legos. His mom and dad voted against his first request, which they thought was too expensive. They’d already helped him prepare a counter-offer slide for a $17 set they thought would be more his speed, but the other three sharks out voted them, so Nathan got the set he really wanted, after all.

There were such a variety of requests. I won’t recount them all here, but will just give a few highlights. Some of the sellers did not get their original request funded, but did receive funding for their reduced request.

For instance, one granddaughter asked for $20 to buy candy to sell at her brother’s lemonade stand. The sharks had lots of questions for her, like what are you going to do with the candy that doesn’t sell. Answer: eat it and share it with siblings.

The sharks declined to put $20 towards that project but  granted her negotiated offer which for $10.

Ditto for a grandson who requested money for new shoes. He already had several pair at home, but the sharks agreed to go halvsies with him on the new tennis shoes he was hoping to buy. Which means he’ll be mowing a lot of lawns to earn his part and will probably appreciate and take care of them better as a result.

Let’s see… our five-year-old granddaughter, Ellen, had asked her mom to video her pitch so they could just play that at the competetion, but her dad offered her a piece of candy if she’d give the pitch in person. And she wanted that candy so much that she overcame her nerves and natural shyness and bravely gave her pitch through tears. It was so sweet to see her conquer her fears at that tender young age!

She was requesting $35 for ballet tutus — one for her, and matching tutus for each of her little girl cousins. She had taken a ballet class this summer and also offered to teach the others what she had lerned.

Another grandson who is almost 12 has been very diligent to work out every day this summer, running laps around their property and doing push-ups and situps. He requested money for a set of weights, since “I can’t afford a gym membership, and even if I could, I don’t have a car and don’t know how to drive so I would be dependent on somebody else to take me.” That was also funded.

His older brother asked for money to buy blueberry bushes, citing  the health benefits of blueberries and the savings growing your own would offer over buying them at the grocery store. His project was funded, too, and those plants are already bought, paid for, and in the ground with a drip irrigation system to keep them well-watered in the Texas heat.

My youngest daughter requested pottery lessons. She had an adorable slideshow that listed the mental-health benefits to creative endeavors, such as pottery, and the savings a class would offer over buying all the tools and supplies on your own. Especially considering the fact all the girls in our family are going to take those pottery classes together, and she negotiated a group discount for us to do so.

Another son requested money for a popcorn machine. He’s planning to sell popcorn this year on trade day at the family camp we attend every October, as well as at a homeschool craft fair we’ll be participating in in November. Plus, he loves anything nostalgic, as he noted in his slideshow, and the popcorn machine will also come in handy popping up snacks for the outdoor movie he is planning to host for family and friends this fall.

My daughter Rebekah gave a lovely appeal for the family to join her on a maple tapping expedition early next spring. She started her presentation with three books that we read together during her childhood: Little House in the Big Woods, Tasha Tutor’s book of holidays, I don’t remember the exact title of that one, and Miracles on Maple Hill. The thing all three books had in common was that, at some point in the story, the characters got to tap maple trees and make homemade syrup, something Rebekah has wanted to do ever since first hearing about it.

Her pitch included breakfast on the front porch for our entire family, complete with homemade pancaked topped with authentic 100% maple syrup. They were delicious! And her request — beyond asking the family to set aside time to travel 13 hours from home to the nearest festival that actually teaches tree tapping sometime next March — was enough money to buy festival tickets for the whole family  (I think tickets are normally $10 a piece for adults and $4 or $5 for children– something like that), so her project was enthusiastically approved, as well.

Probably my favorite pitch came from our 22-year-old son, Isaac. He started his slideshow with an adorable story about penguins, and noted how two species of penguins mate for life. He had cute, close-up pictures of them engaging in a pebbling ritual, where the male penguin presents a smooth stone to a female of interest. Isaac then noted the fact that humans engage in a pebbling ritual of their own, where in a male gives a smooth cut stone – usually a diamond—to his female of interest, something our son is planning to do within the next year as he will soon be graduating from university with a degree in chemical engineering and would like to marry his steady girlfriend soon afterwards.

So he requested the sharks contribute a certain amount of money to his ring fund – an amount which he would match and invest in Fortune 500 stocks where it could grow until time to buy the ring.  This presentation elicited lots of enthusiastic cheers, hoots, and hollers from the audience. And the sharks agreed to his original asking price.

Out of Money

Sadly, the sharks ran out of funding before the family ran out of pitches. They liquidated all remaining assets in order to help fund a new work truck for my electrician son. That request was a complete surprise to him, something his precious wife put together on the sly.

He thought they were asking for money to buy a couple of goats for their little homestead. She even prepared two slideshows, so he wouldn’t suspect what she was really up to. Her request was just so honoring of her selfless and hard-working husband who has been folding his lanky 6 ‘5” frame up into her tiny economy car ever since she got too big in her last pregnancy to fit behind its steering wheel. Needless to say, that car had zero extra room for all the tools required for his job. But she had really done her homework. She had already figured out how much they could get in trade-in value, how much they could contribute from savings, and how much they would ideally need from the sharks in order to buy a nice used vehicle debt-free.

Even though the sharks ran out of money, all remaining projects ended up getting the requested funding. According to the rules, none of the sharks could fund anything projects individually. But the rules said nothing about crowdfunding from the rest of the family, which is exactly what happened with almost everybody pitching in $10 or $15 each to cover expenses for the last few projects.

It was such a wonderful, wonderful challenge. And it has been great to see the funded projects start to take shape – the blueberry plants in the ground, the fortune 500 stocks aleady earning interest, the popcorn machine cranking out snacks for family movie nights, the pottery lessons on the calendar, the new weight set being used to build muscle, the deal signed on the work truck, the illustration software being used to create amazing artwork, the Ninjago legos ordered, delivered, and already assembled!

Plus, Samuel and Bekah have already announced next year’s challenge. They’re starting a family book club. Where we will all read one book a month – the same book – and discuss. They’ve had each of us fill out a form with the books were interested in reading in about a dozen different genres so I’m excited about that. We’ll see how it goes.

Junior high, high school, and college students can earn money for doing this reading on top of their other schoolwork. There will also be a final exam – based on the year’s reading — that (Lord willing) all participants will take 15 months from now, while we’re gathered for Thanksgiving next year. There will be cash prizes for whoever does best on the test, as well as for the best essays written based on any other books we read together.

Stay tuned for how that one goes. I’ll do my best to give you an update after Thanksgiving 2026.

More Bible Memory Help

Want a month-by-month plan filled with resources to make hiding God’s Word in your heart a habit? Check out my new Grand Investment print packs.

I’ve packed both volumes full of pretty, pertinent printables: copywork and coloring pages, award certificates, and tracking charts, along with links to videos and songs I’ve used both in memorizing Bible passages myself and in encouraging my kids and grandkids to do the same.

The post EP 95: A Family Shark Tank Challenge appeared first on Loving Life at Home.

EP 94: Raising Kids Who Don’t Rebel (Is that even possible?)

This week I’m answering a question from a listener who’d like to know how to raise kids who won’t resent your family rules or rebel against them. Is that even possible? Listen in on Episode 94 as we discuss what parents can do to reduce the risk of rebellion.

Show NotesVERSES CITED:Philippians 1:6 – “…he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion….”1 Corinthians 13:13 – “But now abide faith, hope, love, these three. But the greatest….” Hebrews 10:23 – “Let us hold fast to the confession of our hope without wavering….”Hebrews 11:6 – “…without faith it is impossible to please God.”1 John 4:16 –  “God IS love.”1 John 4:19 – “We love because He first loved us.”John 13:35 – “By this will all men know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”Galatians 5:22 – “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness….”Proverbs 3:11 – “…whom the LORD loves He reproves, even as a father ….”Proverbs 13:24 – “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him….” Deuteronomy 12:32 – “See that you do all I command you; do not add to it or take away from it.”Proverbs 30:5-6 – “Do not add to His words, lest He rebuke you and prove you a liar.”Revelation 2:18-19 – “…If anyone adds to them, God will add to him the plagues….”John 2:1-11 – [story of Jesus turning water into wine at the marriage feast in Cana]Ephesians 5:18 – “Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead….”James 1:5 – “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all….”Isaiah 40:11 – “He tends His flock like a shepherd … He gently leads those that have young.”Matthew 11:28 – “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.”Psalm 127:1-5 – “Unless the LORD builds the house, they who build it labor in vain….” RELATED LINKS:50 Great Books to Read Aloud to Your Kids9 Benefits of Reading FictionRaising Kids Who Love to ReadA Few Favorite Board Games Praying for YourselfPraying for Your ChildrenPraying for Your TeensPraying for Your Adult KidsPancakes on the Porch (I will post link soon)How Our Family Flew to Europe for FreeSTAY CONNECTED:Subscribe: Flanders Family Freebies -weekly themed link lists of free resourcesInstagram: @flanders_family – follow for more great contentFamily Blog: Flanders Family Home Life – parenting tips, homeschool help, printablesMarriage Blog: Loving Life at Home– encouragement for wives, mothers, believersMy Books: Shop Online – find on Amazon, at Barnes & Noble, or through our website Raising Kids Who Don’t RebelFULL TRANSCRIPT FROM EPISODE 94

Hello, friend. Welcome to Episode 94 of Loving Life at Home. The topic of today’s episode – raising kids who don’t rebel – comes from a letter I recently received from a listener. She writes:

How do you raise your kids such that when they grow up, they don’t envy their peers for being exposed to other kinds of things (which are not good for them)? I’m in my 20s and definitely not planning to send my kids to a regular school, but I wonder if they’ll resent it when they grow up, rebel, or even go a bit wild when they get “freedom” in college etc. Any advice would be much appreciated xx –

In other words, this young mama – I’m assuming she has children already, but maybe she’s just planning ahead. I certainly did a lot of that when I was her age.

But like most mothers, she wants to raise her children according to her convictions but would prefer to do it – if possible — without triggering feelings of resentment or outright rebellion against her parenting choices.

My dictionary defines rebellion as “the action or process of resisting authority, control, or convention.”

So I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but every one of us is born with a tendency to rebel in one way or other. You are no exception, and neither are your children. Sometimes that rebellion is open and vocal and violent. Sometimes it can be quiet and hidden and subversive.  But in the broadest sense of the word, we all rebel because, at some point or other in our life — we all resist authority or resent being told what to do.

In Our Nature

Even if you were a perfect parent and never made any mistakes in raising your children, it would be no guarantee that they’d never, ever, ever resent your parenting decisions or resist your authority at least once in their growing up years, nor would provide any certainty that they won’t go a bit wild, given the opportunity to do so.

We know this is true, because God the Father was (and is) THE perfect parent, yet Adam and Eve resented His rule and deliberately defied His instruction regarding the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.

And sadly, they passed that same sin nature down to all of us, and we all follow their poor example in resisting God’s authority in our lives and rebelling against His rules, though some do it more brazenly than others.

Some people are like the prodigal son. They sin in scandalous and public ways that are apparent to all. Others are like the older brother, whose besetting sins – things like pride, jealousy, bitterness, and entitlement — are less obvious, but still sin nonetheless.

As I’ve pointed out before, parenting is not like a recipe where, if you mix just the right ingredients in just the right amounts and follow all the instructions to a T, you’ll get precisely the outcome you’re shooting for. There are no such guarantees in parenting – because we are not dealing with inert ingredients, but with unique individuals, each with their own unique opinions, goals, desires, and proclivities which may or may not line up with the hopes and dreams their parents entertain on their behalf. 

As they say, you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink. Of course, the fact a horse’s owner can’t force him to drink does not absolve him of the responsibility of regularly and repeatedly leading that horse to water.

And the same is true for raising children and leading them to Christ. When it comes to quickening their hearts or causing faith to grow in their souls, parents are powerless, but we still have a responsibility to faithfully point them to Jesus every chance we get. And to pray expectantly that God will complete the good work He began in the lives of our children the moment He placed them in our family, just as He’s promised in Philippians 1:6 to do.

We must entrust the work to Him, but we can still purposefully try to boost our kids up on God’s workbench for easy access and pray that He will give them the grace and good sense to remain there.

As for other things parents can do to minimize – not to erase, but to minimize – the risk of rebellion in their children, I offer the following seven suggestions:

7 Ways to Reduce the Risk of Rebellion1. Cultivate a loving home

1 Corinthians 13:13 says,

“But now abide faith, hope, love, these three. But the greatest of these is love.”

And that is saying a lot, since faith and hope are both also so important. Hebrews 10:23 tells us, “Let us hold fast to the confession of our hope without wavering” and Hebrews 11:6 tells us “without faith it is impossible to please God.”

Yet, Paul says that, as important as faith and hope are in the life of a believer, love is even greater.

This makes sense, though, because 1 John 4:16 tells us, “God IS love.” And 1 John 4:19 says, “We love because He first loved us.” Jesus even said our love will help people recognize we are Christian: “

By this will all men know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” (that’s John 13:35)

Also, love is the first attribute Paul listed in Galatians 5:22 when he was discussing the fruit of the Spirit. I once heard it preached, nearly 50 years ago, that love is the primary fruit and all the attributes on the list that follow are simply expressions of the first. Donald Barnhouse believed the same thing. He wrote:

Love is the Key.Joy is love singing.Peace is love resting.Patience is love enduring.Kindness is love’s truthGoodness is love’s character.Faithfulness is love’s habit.Gentleness is love’s self-forgetfulness.Self-control is love holding the reigns.

Isn’t that a beautiful word picture? That is my goal – that my children know I love them and – even more importantly – that they know God loves them. And to drive home those truths, I want my love for them to reflect His love for them as accurately as possible by His empowering grace.

Sadly, we live in a culture that often conflates love with permissiveness. If you love me, you’ll do what I want. Don’t make that mistake. You can love your child without approving, endorsing, or validating everything your child says or does or acquiescing to his every demand. Which brings me to my second point: If you want to minimize the risk of rebellion, you have to…

2. Correct your child when he does wrong.

The Bible makes it clear that sin has consequences, and your homelife needs to demonstrate and reinforce that truth.

Proverbs 3:11 says,

“My son, do not reject the discipline of the LORD or loathe His reproof, for whom the LORD loves He reproves, even as a father corrects the son in whom he delights.”

And in Proverbs 13:24 we read, “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.” Now whether this verse is an endorsement of corporal punishment or whether the word “rod” is being used metaphorically is another episode for another day.

But the point remains that loving parents do not allow their children to act out in sinful, selfish ways without consequence, but are careful to address misbehavior swiftly and to do all they can to teach them right from wrong.

Unfortunately, some of the child-rearing philosophies that are currently in vogue have convinced gullible parents that they will do irreparable damage to their children if they try to enforce any standard of behavior upon them instead of simply validating, affirming, and giving space to all their “big feelings” and allowing them to express those feelings in whatever way seems authentic to the child, no matter how out-of-control or annoying the outburst is to everyone else in the general vicinity.

I’ve seen that kind of parenting philosophy in action, and it’s utter nonsense. Also, it’s exhausting. No wonder so many parents insist they can’t handle more than one or two kids – and onlookers decide to forgo having children all together – if that’s brand of child-training they choose.

It ultimately produces children NOBODY enjoys being around, including the parents themselves, which is a travesty – and an entirely avoidable one, at that.

Sadly, schools are adopting the same philosophy, which has led to absolute chaos in the classroom.  Back when I was in school, when a student was sent to the principal’s office, he got a paddling. I was never on the receiving end of such an office visit, but I have it on good authority that such paddlings were not a pleasant experience.

Contrast that with what passes for discipline in some schools today. My teacher-friends tell me that when a student’s behavior becomes too violent or disruptive or obnoxious in class nowadays, they get sent to the principal’s office, too. Only, instead of receiving a paddling, now the little troublemakers are given a piece of candy and a comfy seat in a quiet room where they can calm down for a quarter hour before being sent back to class.

Some kids spend the entire day trotting back and forth to the principal’s office, presumably to indulge a sweet tooth or to get out of having to sit through any lectures or pop quizzes or any other schoolwork the rest of the class is required to do. I don’t know how they ever learn anything.

The fact is, you normally get more of whatever you reward, so if misbehavior is rewarded with candy and a break from schoolwork, more and more kids will misbehave. And if throwing temper tantrums in the check-out line at the grocery store gets you a candy bar or some extra coddling or Mom’s undivided attention while you explain all your big feelings to her, then such temper tantrums will become more and more prevalent rather than fewer and further between.

Then, eventually, when that child grows up and has to drive a car or (depending on the school) go to college or hold down a job, he is going to be in for a rude awakening when the traffic cop or university professor or his new boss doesn’t indulge his temper tantrums or validate his big feelings the way mama did and he loses the job, flunks out of class, gets a traffic ticket, or maybe even winds up in jail.

Which, again, is why it is so important that parents teach their children early that sin has consequences by letting them experience some real consequences for their own willful disobedience while they are still young and impressionable and the stakes are still low.

3. Come up with attractive alternatives to whatever you forbid.

Don’t just be known for what your family doesn’t do. Be known for what you DO do.

I’ll tell you a funny story to illustrate what I mean. Earlier this summer, I attended a 6-week book club with several women from my church whom I had never met before. Our church has 3 different worship services – we’ve always gone to the 8 AM service, so it’s not surprising there are lots of church members I’ve never met.

At any rate, the first week of the book club, I was one of the first ladies to arrive, and when the hostess found out I have 12 children, she does what most people do — they multiply the schedule and number of extra-curricular activities their one or two or three children do by a factor or twelve or six or four (respectively) and declare, “I don’t know how you keep up with that many! I’m barely able to keep my head above water as it is.”

So, I tried my best to assure her than I’m not doing multiples of the same thing she’s doing, as that really would be impossible. There is simply no way a mother of 12 can juggle five or six different individual activities for each of a dozen children like the mother of an only child might be able to manage.

So for the rest of the summer, that hostess would introduce me to newcomers as, “This is Jennifer. She has twelve children… but that’s not like it sounds, because they don’t DO anything.”

Which just struck me as so funny, as it would anybody who knows our family and how active we are.

While it is true that we DON’T do team travel sports or daily car pickup lines at school or slumber parties—and we’ve also avoided most other outside activities that would take each member of the family in a different direction every night of the week—there are plenty of things we DO do. And we usually do the together, or at least we did when our children were younger (before so many of them grew up, got married, and moved out of our house).

Some of the stuff we do might sound pretty boring to somebody used to being entertained all day long and driven from one team practice or private lesson or social club to the next – but these activities have done so much to strengthen our family bonds and to create lots of great group memories:

We read lots of great books together –For years we all gathered for story time just before bed. Doug would read first from the Bible (or from a Bible story book when the children were really young) and then from some favorite novel – maybe CS Lewis’s Chronicles of Narnia or Lloyd Alexander’s Chronicles of Prydain or J.R.R Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings or some E.B. White or Laura Ingalls Wilder or Ralph Moody or LM Montgomery or contemporary writers like Godon Korman (we especially love his books Schooled and Restart).

I’ve published a list of 50 of our family’s favorite read-alouds on my website, which I’ll include in today’s show notes. I never really appreciated what powerful lessons could be learned through fiction before I met and married my husband, but I’m a firm believer in the value of reading such books now. And I’ll link a post in the show notes on just a few of the benefits we’ve reaped by making reading such a big part of our family life.

But our family also plays together – board games, outdoor games, sports – most recently, we’ve taken up pickleball and have been practicing that together regularly. About 11 family members were on the courts bright and early yesterday morning to play before the crowds showed up. The little ones spent most of that time bouncing and tossing and chasing after balls on an empty court while their dads and my husband worked up a sweat playing some serious matches. Several more members of the family would’ve joined them, too, had yesterday not been our first day back at co-op, which happens to meet as a church right beside the pickleball courts. And when we saw how drenched their T-shirts were, we knew we’d made that right decision not to participate. But any other day, we’d be in too! Because, as they say, “The family who plays together stays together.”Equally true is “The family who PRAYS together stays together. And that is something else we’ve done throughout the years. Not just at mealtimes, asking God to bless our food to nourish our bodies, but also whenever we need wisdom in making a decision that affects the entire family, such as moving to a new neighborhood or participating in a TV documentary or starting a home church) or when we find ourselves in the midst of some family crisis – like when I was diagnosed with cancer last year, and the family gathered around me to pray for healing, or when our sweet little grandbaby had to be intubated and taken by chopper to Dallas and we weren’t sure if he would live or die.  By the way, God graciously granted those requests. Our grandson recovered fully from his ordeal with no lingering effects, and I just had my 6-month follow-up a couple of weeks ago, and there is no sign of remaining or recurring disease. So we are all rejoicing together and praising and thanking God for that, as well.We also regularly attend church together and eat together, although the number of family members crowding onto the pew or sharing our mealtimes has been steadily shrinking as our kids grow up and move away and start having families of their own. But they come back often, bringing those reinforcements with them, and I so love having the whole crew together. We got to enjoy several such meals over the weekend with 30+ people gathered around the table. But the most memorable was a pancake breakfast our kids prepared themselves and served on our front porch. I’ll try to post a couple of pics to Instagram and link them in the show notes.

We had such a delightful time – there was a nice cool breeze and plenty of seating and no sticky drips or fingerprints on the rugs and furniture and floors inside. I love it! Family meals are so important for children as they develop, and the hectic schedule many families keep (our own family sometimes falls into that category these days more often than I’d prefer)– but it takes a toll, not only on health, because homecooked meals are replaced by fast food for the sake of convenience, but also on family ties, because you’re not gathered together, sharing the details of your days –good or bad – and rejoicing or sympathizing and encouraging one another as you can do when everybody is eating together.We even play organized sports, but we do the homeschool variety, where we all congregate for 6-8 weeks of soccer or baseball or group tennis lessons, but only for a couple of hours once a week, with parents coaching and all ages playing simultaneously on separate areas of the fields or courts. And then we’re done. The kids even took gymnastics for a few years, but again it was for homeschool classes which were pretty low key and accommodated a wide range of ages all at once.Our family also challenges one another. As I mentioned last week, we love competing against each other, although we normally do it in a good-natured way: family ping-pong or pickleball or arm-wrestling tournaments, push-up or chin-up or wall-sitting competitions, bicycle or foot races, rousing rounds of bananagrams or abduction or zombie tag or the hat game. Some of our kids have taken up the mantal and begun sponsoring competitions for their siblings with generous prizes. I plan to tell you about the latest one of those next week – a family shark tank competition that took place over the weekend and was a huge success on every level.Beyond that, our family also travels together. A lot. We’ve taken countless road trips over the years, many of them all packed into a 12- or 15-passenger van for two or three weeks. My 87-year-old mother has even accompanied us on some of those trips. And we’ve backpacked Europe together several times with half a dozen or more kids in tow– including nursing babies.

So, when that summer book club hostess told all her friends that the only reason I could keep my sanity with twelve children was because I never DO anything with them, that didn’t paint a very accurate picture of the homelife I’ve always known and enjoyed, but I let her comment slide the first few times she said it, because I understood what she really meant and figured the other moms there did too. I did eventually get to clarify, because several newbies started asking questions, and I was glad for an opportunity to set the record straight.

But let’s get back to that original letter I’m trying to answer.  The young mom who wrote it was concerned her children might someday resent not being allowed to do things that their peers got to do.

This part of her question is a little vague. I don’t know if she’s doesn’t want her kids listening to secular music or playing video games or wearing two-piece bathing suits. OR if she means she plans to outlaw pornography and drugs and premarital sex.

The fact is, there’s a wide range of behaviors different parents want their children to avoid for a wide variety of reasons.

Obviously, the drugs, porn, and promiscuity would probably have far more serious consequences than the pop music, pac-man, and tankinis.

But in terms of the question at hand, the particulars aren’t important. The question is, will her children eventually come to resent those family rules, and the answer is yes, that’s a real possibility.

But their resentment – real or imagined — shouldn’t keep her from doing what she thinks is right in their upbringing.

One of the things our family DIDN’T do was slumber parties. Of course, there is nothing morally wrong with hosting or attending a slumber party – nor are there any Biblical commands I can think of against doing so. But having attended multiple slumber parties myself as a child and knowing the kind of foolish and sometimes dangerous behavior that transpired after the parents turned in for the night, and how that kind of behavior could easily escalate in present days, neither I nor my husband was comfortable letting our kids attend slumber parties. Because even when you know and trust the adults involved 100%, you don’t necessarily know all the kids who are attending or their friends (of both sexes) who sometimes show up after parents are asleep.

So we’d drop our kids off at the beginning of the party but pick them up before bedtime so they could sleep in their own beds at home. And I remember one of our daughters being very disappointed about not getting to stay the whole night – she may even have felt a bit resentful and deprived at the time. But years later, she came home from college and said, “Oh, mama. I am SO GLAD you never let me attend slumber parties growing up and always insisted I come home at bedtime. I have friends now who’ve told me about stuff that happened at the slumber parties they attended, and it’s taken them years to recover. I’m so thankful I was spared from that sort of thing.” So she didn’t much like the rule as a kid, but she’s grateful her dad and I stuck with the plan now that she’s an adult.

4. Differentiate between Biblical commands and family preferences.

Things such as lying, stealing, and sex outside of marriage are all clearly forbidden in Scripture, whereas we are given a lot of leeway in more subjective areas like diet, clothing, and entertainment.

If you want your children to avoid eating sugar, forgo video games, dress conservatively, and stay off social media, that is fine. But be careful not to go beyond scripture by equating such preferences to Biblical commands.

There is nothing morally wrong with eating a cookie or owning a cell phone or wearing blue jeans or using mascara, and you don’t want your kids thinking that anybody who does such things is somehow guilty of sin (and treating them that way) or feeling inordinate guilt for doing something when they grow up and leave home that the Bible doesn’t condemn as sin.

We read in Deuteronomy 12:32,

“See that you do all I command you; do not add to it or take away from it.”

And Proverbs 30:5-6 echoes this thought,

“Every word of God is flawless; He is a shield to those who take refuge in Him. Do not add to His words, lest He rebuke you and prove you a liar.”

Then Revelation 2:18-19 takes this principle even further:

“I testify to everyone who hears the words of prophecy in this book: If anyone adds to them, God will add to him the plagues described in this book. / And if anyone takes away from the words of this book of prophecy, God will take away his share in the tree of life and the holy city, which are described in this book.”

So, as you see, it is serious business to go beyond what Scripture teaches – weighing your children down with burdensome requirements too heavy to bear just as Jesus condemned the Pharisees for doing.

But the other extreme is also dangerous – when we ignore God’s clear commands on a topic just because it has become politically incorrect to uphold such principles.

By way of example, our family chooses not to drink alcohol. But the Bible makes it clear that Jesus and His followers all drank wine. In fact, turning water into wine was the first recorded miracle Jesus ever performed (in John 2:1-11).

So we’ve been careful to explain to our kids that, while it is not a sin to drink alcohol, the Bible does command us (in Ephesians 5:18) not to get drunk. And we think the easiest way to make sure we don’t get drunk is not to drink at all. Plus, alcohol can cause all sorts of other health problems, especially for diabetics (of which we have three) – and some people are more susceptible to alcoholism than others, and you may not know until it’s too late whether you’re susceptible or not.

So even though we have the freedom in Christ to drink in moderation, we think the most prudent choice is not to imbibe at all, so that is how we live with very rare exception. And it’s the standard we expect from them, as well, as long as they are living under our roof. Once they’re adults and leave home, they’ll have to decide for themselves whether and how much they will drink, but our opinion on the matter isn’t likely to change.

5. Consider your child’s perspective.

When they come to you wanting to talk about something that is weighing on their heart, learn to listen without reacting or becoming defensive. Don’t immediately jump to telling them what they did wrong in a certain situation or what needs to be done to fix it or how they should feel about it or what they should have said or done in a given circumstance. Instead, be patient and let them get the whole story out. Then ask a few questions. Dig down to discover the root of the issue and see if you might be able to guide them to a reasonable solution rather than just telling them what you think they need to do.

This is especially important for older teens and young adults. Don’t keep talking to them as if they are toddlers. Never condescend. Speak to them with the same courtesy and patience you would use in addressing a respected colleague.

By way of example here, when my oldest two reached junior high age, they started lobbying to go to school instead of homeschooling. Of course, as a mother who had been homeschooling them all their lives, I could’ve gotten my feelings hurt by this sudden change of heart, but instead, I just asked questions.

We lived directly across the street from the middle school they were hoping to attend – the same school many of their little neighborhood friends went to. I figured that was what put public school on their radar, so, instead of becoming defensive, I asked them what it was that most appealed to them about going to school instead of doing lessons at home.

Without batting an eye, they told me they wanted a summer vacation and wanted to eat lunch with all their friends. At that time, we were homeschooling year-round, and the idea of having lots of time away from the schoolbooks all summer long really appealed to them. So I made a counteroffer – what if we took a break from lessons over the summer, as well? They thought that sounded simply awesome. So that’s what we did. We eventually added basics back in during the summertime – at least when we weren’t traveling and nothing else was going on – but we’ve continued to take a break from science and history and language arts during the summer ever since.

As for eating lunch with their friends, I explained the fact that, at school, different classes go to the cafeteria at different times, and unless you happen to be in the same grade and in the same class as all the friends you want to eat with, being at the same school was no guarantee you’d even see them at lunch, much less get to eat with them every day. So we started inviting those friends over to eat with us on the weekends, which scratched that itch as well.

When your children are little, it’s important that they learn to obey promptly. Their life may depend on it. If you see a big truck come barreling down the street your child is about to cross, and you yell “Stop,” you want him to mind you without argument or hesitation. Obey first; ask questions later.

But as your kids get older, it becomes more important that they understand the reasons behind the rules. Not only do you need to explain what you expect them to do, but also why. Like our kids with the alcohol question. If they just assumed we don’t drink because the Bible says not to, then once they found out otherwise, they might be inclined to toss that and a good many other family rules out the window, possibly to their detriment.

So we discuss with them the reasons behind our decisions, and if it is not something expressly forbidden in scripture, we give them all the facts and tell them they’ll have to make their own decision regarding that thing when they are adults with families of their own.

Which brings me to my next tip for minimizing the risk of rebellion, which is to…

6. Confer new freedoms with added responsibilities

Responsible adulthood is something our kids grow into over time. It doesn’t just magically happen the moment they turn 18 or 21. It’s something you begin preparing them for long before those benchmark birthdays.

As they get older, they should gradually take on more and more responsibilities. But they should also gradually be given greater and greater freedoms. It’s like slowly releasing the line or spooling out the string for a kite. It’s much less likely to break away if you don’t try to hold it too tightly.

This is why helicopter parents do their children such a disservice. By micromanaging every aspect of a child’s life, you keep him from ever learning to do things for himself. Whether they’re learning to walk or climbing a tree or building a bookshelf or doing a science experiment or auditioning for a play or applying for a summer job, we need to give our children opportunities to try their hand at new things – which also means giving them opportunities to fail — while they’re still young, they’re still at home, and the stakes are low.

Lessons learned from prior mistakes have great sticking power, so don’t be afraid to let your kids flounder a little. They won’t be able to do everything perfectly on their first try, so you shouldn’t expect perfection from them, nor should they expect it of themselves. Stand back and give them a chance to figure some things out on their own, rather than jumping in to take over or do the job for them.

Then, my last tip is really the most important of all, and that is to…

7. Cast all your cares and anxieties on God

Pray for your children. Pray for yourself. (I have some beautiful, free printable prayer guides that are steeped in scriptures and will help you do both those things. I link them in the show notes) Cry out to God for wisdom and He’ll provide it, just as He promised in James 1:5 to do.

The thing about it is, parenting entails all sorts of unexpected twists and turns and outcomes over which you have little to no control – but you never have to go it alone.

Invite God into the process. He bids you to lay all your cares and concerns and burdens and worries at the foot of the cross and let Him take care of them.  Isaiah 40:11 tells us “He tends His flock like a shepherd He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; He gently leads those that have young.” Isn’t that a beautiful picture? And so fitting for mothers, isn’t it?

In Matthew 11:28, Jesus calls,

“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.”

Psalm 127 is one of my favorite passages of scripture and one I recently helped several of my grandchildren memorize. It reads,

“Unless the LORD builds the house, they who build it labor in vain. Unless the LORD guards the city, the watchman stays awake in vain. It is vain for you to rise up early, to retire late, to eat the bread of painful labor, for He gives to His beloved even in his sleep. Behold, children are a gift of the LORD. The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them; they will not be ashamed when they speak with their enemies in the gate.” (Psalm 127:1-5)

Did you hear that first part, though? About the uselessness of doing anything in your own strength? Or of rising early, going to bed late, burning the candle at both ends trying to accomplish without God anything He has called and promised to equip you to do? He didn’t build your body to run on fumes that way. Sleep is important and is something He has already factored into the equation. And your ability to rest and rest well is a reflection of your willingness to give your burdens over to Him instead of continuously trying to shoulder them on your own.

The many burdens we often feel during parenthood are an excellent place to begin. Lay all those questions and concerns at the foot of the cross: Will my child resent me? Will he rebel? Will she make mistakes or get into trouble or go wild in college? Maybe yes. Maybe no. The answer is, you don’t know.

But don’t let that uncertainty keep you from having children in the first place. Because – despite their inherit sin nature — children are a gift and a blessing from the Lord and happy is the man (or woman) whose quiver is full of them.

We can’t know the future, but we can fully trust that God does. We can’t change our children’s hearts or keep them on the straight and narrow path, but He can. We can lead them to the Living Water, but only He can persuade them to drink. Our job as parents is to keep pointing our kids to Jesus, keep modeling God’s love toward them, keep teaching them right from wrong, keep providing them with wholesome work and pastimes, keep rightly dividing the Word of Truth, keep increasing their freedoms along with their responsibilities, and keep lifting them up to the LORD in prayer, confident that He will be faithful to finish the work He’s begun.

The Word of God is full of wisdom for every facet of life, but we’ve found it especially helpful in building a happy, healthy marriage. For a fascinating look at how science has confirmed the superiority of God’s design, check out my book Love Your Husband/Love Yourself.

The post EP 94: Raising Kids Who Don’t Rebel (Is that even possible?) appeared first on Loving Life at Home.

EP 93: A Wedding Anniversary with Many Happy Returns

There is no coasting in marriage. You’re either growing closer together or drifting further apart. You must be intentional about nurturing your relationship to your spouse every chance you get. That way, you’re next wedding anniversary will be wonderful — followed by many happy returns.

Show NotesVERSES CITED:Romans 12:10 – “Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.”Ephesians 5:33 – “However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”RELATED LINKS:Our Anniversary Tradition – a few pics from the cars I’ve decorated over the years25 Ways to Communicate Respect to Your Husband – original blog post25 Ways to Communicate Respect to Your Husband  – book & audio book25 Ways to Show Love to Your Wife – blog post25 Ways to Show Love to Your Wife – book30 Day Respect Challenge – free email challenge for wives30 Day Love Challenge – free email challenge for husbandsSTAY CONNECTED:Subscribe: Flanders Family Freebies -weekly themed link lists of free resourcesInstagram: @flanders_family – follow for more great contentFamily Blog: Flanders Family Home Life – parenting tips, homeschool help, printablesMarriage Blog: Loving Life at Home– encouragement for wives, mothers, believers A Wedding Anniversary with Many Happy ReturnsComplete transcript from Episode 93

Hello, Friend. Welcome to Ep. 93 of Loving Life at Home. This week’s episode is going to be a short one. My husband Doug and I are in California this week with our two youngest children enjoying the last few days of summer break at Big Bear Lake.

My mother- and father-in-law drove over from New Mexico to meet us, and we’ve spent the past few days sightseeing with them in the afternoons, working jigsaw puzzles in the evening, and playing pickleball in the early mornings while Grandma and Grandpa sleep in.

My in-laws celebrated 63 years of marriage in June, and it is always such a blessing to see how kind and respectful they are toward one another. Dad’s tender, loving care for his wife amid her myriad and lifelong health problems is truly inspiring, and it makes me grateful that my own dear husband has had — and followed — his wonderful example in this area.

Doug and I will be celebrating our own wedding anniversary later this week – 38 years – so you might say this little trip to California is an early celebration of that.

One of our longest standing anniversary traditions has been my decorating my husband’s car for the day. When we married, we left the church in a rented, unmarked limo that had a strict “no shoe polish” policy. So I’ve been making up for it ever since by or taping posters and balloons to my husband’s tailgate or painting his car windows with sayings such as: “Married 10 years and more in love than ever.” Or “17 years of marriage and my wife still adores me” or “We’ve been living happily ever for 26 years” or “Every day with you, dear, is sweeter than the day before” or “Just married 38 years and the honeymoon’s STILL not over!

That’s what I’ll likely put on his car this year, because that’s exactly how we both feel. Most folks probably don’t realize a honeymoon can last nearly four decades, but ours has. Of course, it rarely ever happens unless you work at it.

That’s because there is no coasting in marriage. You’re either growing closer together or drifting further apart. So be intentional about investing in your marriage and nurturing your relationship to your spouse every chance you get.

Back when we celebrated our silver anniversary, I wrote a blog post entitled 25 Ways to Communicate Respect to Your Husband – one for each year of marriage we had experienced thus far.

Interestingly, that post began as a list of reminders to myself. I started compiling the list because, during that particular season of our marriage, it seemed to me as if every time I turned around, my husband was interpreting something I said or did as being disrespectful, even though I truly felt no disrespect in my heart.

I think it was just one of those women-from-venus, men-from-mars situations where we just weren’t on the same wavelength at the time. But I wanted to be. So I did exactly what I’ve learned to do in other difficult situations over the years – I started paying closer attention and taking lots of notes!

And whenever I unexpectedly hit on something that made my husband feel disrespected, I wrote it down and purposed to stop doing whatever that thing was. And whenever I did or said something that really resonated with him and communicated respect in a way that seemed especially meaningful to him, I made note of that, too, so I could repeat such behavior as a way to encourage and build my husband up.

Over time, as I observed how effectively my little list helped me express more clearly the respect I felt in my heart for my husband, and how positively he responded to my intentionality in this area, the more excited I became about sharing my findings with other interested wives.

So I eventually published the list on my blog, Loving Life at Home, and was astounded by the immediate response it received. Some people loved what I’d written and credited it with saving their marriage. Other folks absolutely hated the post and accused me of setting women back 100 years. Either way, that single blog post took my humble little blog from getting 40-50 visitors to 40-50 thousand visitors a day.

I eventually expanded the blog post into a book by the same name, then used it as the basis for a free 30-day email challenge, and most recently – as of two weeks ago – I released it as an audiobook.

My husband ended up writing a companion post, then book, then email challenge, and is presently recording the audiobook, as well, called 25 Ways to Show Love to Your Wife. (I’ll be certain to provide links for all those resources in today’s show notes.)

I recently heard from a wife named Heather who was going through my 30-Day Respect Challenge at the time. She writes,

“ This challenge is taking me way longer than 30 days, but I am so thankful to be doing it! 

“Day 21 has validated what I started doing several weeks ago and I was hoping to share it  in case it can help others (if you desire to share it).

“Every work day, I write a note to my husband on a 2″x3” blank card and stick it in his hat so he sees it every morning before going out into the world — being in a trade, it’s very dark, and he is the only godly man within the area he works. 

Mondays I write a specific scripture that I will pray over him for the weekTuesday is song lyrics that remind me of him or us Wednesday is “lovey” Thursday is encouragement Friday is “flirty” 

“I am not married to an affectionate man by nature, but yesterday he came home from work, hugged me, thanked me for the notes and kissed me TWICE! I never thought I’d see the day that he would be that affectionate physically. 

“He later said that when he reads [my notes] every morning, he feels like the emoji that has the hearts all around its head  

“Men need to be uplifted by their wives. I think this simple change has not only helped him feel seen and loved but it’s also helped me to restore those “lovey” butterflies I used to get so often. 

“Thank you for the challenge! It’s helped me self evaluate and change where change was needed and my husband feels way more at peace which is all I wanted.”

Now, isn’t that a wonderful idea? I know from experience that my husband responds enthusiastically to flirty, loving, and encouraging notes from me, as well, though I’ve never been as faithful about sending them as Heather is being.  I love those daily themes she has worked out, don’t you?

Often, just having a written plan of action as to what you want to do helps immensely with follow-through.

Then the fact that her normally reserved husband is so happy to see her when he comes home from work that he thanks her for the notes and kisses her – twice! – just serves to reinforce her resolve to keep investing in her marriage in this way.

It’s a win-win, and something I’m going to try to do more of for my own sweet husband – maybe by just being more intentional about texting him during the day while he’s at work. That would be a very simple way of investing in my own marriage and of living out Romans 12:10, which tells believers to “outdo one another in showing honor.”

I’d encourage you to spend some time brainstorming ways to love and honor your husband, just like Heather has done. Is there more you could be doing to build him up and nurture your relationship?

Consider this episode your reminder to give it a try. I pray your efforts will lead to lots of wonderful shared moments together with your spouse as well as a stronger, happier marriage that withstands the test of time.

The post EP 93: A Wedding Anniversary with Many Happy Returns appeared first on Loving Life at Home.