Jennifer Flanders's Blog, page 22

5 MORE Books for Women Who Think

“Today in class we learned that the Bibilical model of marriage is archaic, oppressive, and responsible for all kinds of evil.”

My oldest daughter sent me that message during her first semester at Texas A&M (a fairly conservative school, as colleges go), in reference to a Women’s Studies course she was taking to fulfill a degree requirement.

“Apparently, you and Dad have been doing it all wrong,” she continued, “so I just wanted to let you know… and to say thank you.”

That last part was written in complete sincerity, without a hint of sarcasm. She’d been away from home long enough by that time to see firsthand some of the devastation that comes when God’s design for sex and marriage is ignored or rejected. It made her grateful to have been spared such heartache by parents intent on honoring their commitment to one another and ordering their lives according to Scripture.

Still, it is troubling to think that young people today are being sucked in by philosophies so antithetical to Biblical wisdom and common sense, like those touted in my daughter’s gender studies class. Thankfully, there has been a heartening amount of pushback by women who don’t like the direction all this downward spiral of “progress” is taking us — including the authors of several fine books on feminism and related subjects.

Several years ago, I published a list of favorites called 5 Must-Read Books for Women Who Think. That has since become my most popular post of all time, eventually even surpassing 25 Ways to Communicate Respect in total views.

The fact it has enjoyed such staying power tells me that women’s rights and gender issues are still hot-button topics and will likely remain so for some time. Indeed, I continue to explore those themes myself and would highly recommend the following recent reads (meant to complement, not replace, the original list) to anyone who enjoys thinking through such matters and wants to do so intelligently.

5 MORE Books for Women Who Think

SUBVERTED:

How I Helped the Sexual Revolution Hijack the Women’s Movement

by Sue Ellen Browder

If you think “fake news” has only been a problem since the last election cycle, this book will open your eyes to the fact that the Left has been using pure fabrications to push forward a liberal agenda for decades.

Falsified studies, counterfeit testimonials, grossly inflated statistics, and outright lies were used to peddle abortion rights and so-called sexual liberation in the sixties and seventies, and society has been paying the price ever since.

EXCERPT:

‘Feminism made women disposable.’ …of course, it wasn’t feminism per se, but the secret marriage of the women’s movement with the sexual revolution that persuaded many misguided women to allow themselves to be sexually used and then disposed of (along with their babies).

“By the early 1980s, victims of the sexual revolution began to appear everywhere. Previously crisp, black-and-white guidelines about how men and women should treat one another seemed to have faded into dim, wavy lines of gray. Single women who wanted to marry couldn’t find suitable mates. Married women were getting divorced. Many career women who’d waited until their mid-thirties to have children discovered they’d waited too long and now either had to accept lifelong childlessness or go through the torments of in-vitro fertilization and other tortuous medical procedures just to get pregnant.”

SPIN SISTERS: How Women of the Media Sell Unhappiness and Liberalism to the Women of America

by Myrna Blythe

For convincing proof that liberal media elites are out of touch with reality in general and mainstream America in specific, read Spin Sisters. Written by the former editor-in-chief of Ladies Home Journal, the book gives us a peek into the inner workings of the women’s magazine industry.

These rags all follow the same recipe: convince women they’re stressed, oppressed, fat, wrinkled, or worn out so they’ll buy the remedies you’re hawking — and the products your sponsors are selling, as well. It’s little wonder that many women believe the messages with which our society has bombarded them since birth. Blythe makes me happy my own mother never subscribed.

EXCERPT:

For the last two decades, we’ve been told over and over again that if we are women, we are, de facto, victims — because of the stress in our lives, because of the dangers in our environment, because of our need to be attractive in order to please men, and because of the inherently dangerous, violent nature of men. We, who are certainly the most fortunate women the world has ever known, remain a victim class. Forget the gains we have made in almost every significant area, from health to education to economics. Forget the opportunities that are available to us. Forget our personal strength and resiliency. According to [these liberal Spin Sisters], our political attitudes should be based on redressing the accumulated wrongs we continue to experience because as women we are a victimized group. And if, by chance, you don’t buy their political line, well then, there must be something wrong with you….

“That’s how for-women-only political bias operates. It implies that if… you don’t happen to support the liberal agenda in every detail, then you are the one who is out of step. Or rigid. Or crazy. Or a traitor to your sisters. And we are all sisters — unless you disagree.

“In his best seller Bias [ed. note: another worthwhile read!], Bernard Goldberg writes about media elites. ‘Their friends are liberals, just as they are. They share the same values. Almost all of them think the same way on the big social issues of our time…. After a while they start to believe that all civilized people think the same way they and their friends do. That’s why they don’t simply disagree with conservatives. They see them as morally deficient.'”

SEX SCANDAL:

The Drive to Abolish Male and Female

by Ashley McGuire

My husband saw this author interviewed on television and immediately sent me a link to her book, saying that he thought it looked like something I’d really enjoy reading. He was 100% right.

The book is hot off the presses, so I thought the author might delve more deeply into some of the gender confusion stories we’ve seen in the news lately, but — other than mentioning the fact that “in 2014, Facebook launched a feature that allowed users to choose from as many as seventy-one different ways of identifying their gender” (even that list proved to be too restrictive and was eventually abandoned for a fill-in-the-blank option) — she stays primarily focused on the standard differentiation of male/female and sex differences that persist, despite society’s unflagging efforts to deny, destroy, or explain them away.

EXCERPT:

Does great variety exist within the sexes? Of course. Some men are poets, some men are soldiers. Some women are trial lawyers, while others write books. Some men vacuum. Some women don’t cook.

“And yet, despite historical changes in fashion preferences, domestic arrangements, professional inclinations, and so much more, certain aspects of nature stubbornly persist. Shifts in who wears pink have not changed the fact that women, and only women, can conceive, gestate, and give birth to a new member of the human species. Men are, on the whole, the physically stronger sex. Culture may imbue gender with certain random characteristics, but science is not walking away from sex as a key feature of humanity.

“Culture may change, but reality doesn’t.”

WHO KILLED THE AMERICAN FAMILY?

By Phyllis Schlafley

If I weren’t already of the opinion that divorce is not an option for my own marriage, this book would give me all the motivation I need to work through any problems and stay out of family law courts if at all possible.

Schlafley provides a sobering and eye-opening discussion of the failing health of modern American marriages and the forces that have conspired to fragment our families.

EXCERPT:

The argument for unilateral divorce was that it would end the acrimony in marriage breakups and possibly false assertions (about adultery, abandonment, violence, and so forth). But unilateral divorce did not eliminate false charges and countercharges; it simply transferred the nastiness to battles over child custody and financial support.

“Divorce imposes heavy human costs, particularly on children. Michael Reagan wrote eloquently about his parents’ divorce: ‘Divorce is where two adults take everything that matters to a child — the child’s home, family, security, and sense of being loved and protected — and they smash it all up, leave it in ruins on the floor, then walk out and leave the child to clean up the mess.’

“What the children of divorce have always known is now confirmed by research that shows that the adverse impact of divorce on children is often deep and long lasting, and it increases over time.”

THE ALPHA FEMALE’S GUIDE TO MEN & MARRIAGE:

How Love Works

by Suzanne Venker

Although most of her advice is biblically sound, Venker does not cite chapter and verse to support it. Rather, she appeals to studies, statistics, personal experience, and common sense.

The end result is a very pragmatic book for women who want to improve their marriage but who do not necessarily identify as Christians (like many of the Red Pill Wives on Reddit).

EXCERPT:

No expectation has been more damaging to women and to marriage than the feminist notion of equality. Notice I say the ‘feminist’ notion. That’s because a marriage can be equal, or equal enough, depending on how you define this term. So much of what is wrong with feminism has to do with the labeling. If you change the definition of a word or a phrase, the whole scenario looks different.

“The equality you’ve been taught to embrace suggests men and women are interchangeable, and they are not….

“[T]he feminist worldview is antithetical to love because its focus is solely on women: their needs, their wants, their desires, and their rights. Love can’t possibly be sustained with an attitude like that…”

That wraps up my recommendations for the time being. Of course, I’m working my way through a pretty tall stack of books on my desk right now (hooray for summer!) and will likely share the best picks in a future post, so stay tuned!

Know any other bookworms who’d enjoy this list? I’d be thrilled for you to share it or pin it or send it by email.

Have you read any great books I shouldn’t miss? Tell me about them below. That’s how I learned about Subverted, which is how this whole follow-up post got started.

Praying for Your Pastor (Free Printable Prayer Guide)

A few months ago, I received a request from a reader named Laura asking if I would make a free printable prayer guide devoted to Praying for Your Pastor.

“These guys need a LOT of prayer,” she wrote, “and there are many verses to support this.” I had already published printables for:

Praying Scripture over Your Husband
Praying for Your Husband from Head to Toe
Praying for Your Wife from Head to Toe
Praying for Your Children from Head to Toe
Praying for Your Marriage
Praying for Your Unborn Child
Praying for Your Teens
Praying for Your Parents
Praying for the Sick
Praying for Your Country

Why not add a “Praying for Your Pastor” guide to the list? That made perfect sense to me.

So here’s what I came up with, based on relevant Scripture verses (click on references to read the passages cited). The prayers form an acrostic that spells PASTOR:

P is for Peaceable

Ask God to help your pastor abandon a quarrel before it breaks out and to avoid slandering anyone. Pray that he would be peaceable & gentle; ask that he might live in peace, even with his enemies. 
(Proverbs 17:14; Titus 3:2; Proverbs 16:7)

A is for Above Reproach

Pray that your pastor would live a blameless life, that he would be faithful to his wife, and that he would raise children who are sincere believers, not wild or disobedient. Pray that God would protect his heart against greed, violence, drunkenness, impatience, and self-absorption. (Titus 1:6-7)

S is for Self-Disciplined

Ask God to grant your elder an extra measure of self-control. Pray that he’d live an upright, holy, and disciplined life. Teach him, O Lord, to love what is good and give him a pure & steadfast heart. Keep him alert & sober-minded. (Titus 1:8; Psalm 51:10: 1 Peter 4:7)

T is for Teaching Truth

Pray that your pastor will hold firmly and be faithful to the Word of God, so that by sound teaching he will be able to encourage others and refute those who contradict its message. Pray that he would be a doer of the word, and not merely a hearer, since as a teacher he will 
incur a stricter judgement. (Titus 1:9; James 1:22-23; James 3:1)

O is for Obedient

Ask God to make your elder a man after His own heart. May he submit to the Word of God with humility and be obedient in everything, just as Christ humbled Himself and became obedient, even unto death. Help him run with endurance the race that You’ve marked out for him. (1 Samuel 13:14; 2 Corinthians 2:9; Philippians 2:8; Hebrews 12:1)

R is for Respected

Pray that God would give your pastor a good name in your community. Let him do nothing, Lord, that would tarnish his reputation or cause a little one to stumble. Let him be known for his wisdom, integrity, and hospitality. (Proverbs 22:1; Mark 9:42; 1 Corinthians 12:8; Psalm 25:21; Titus 1:8)

Laura was right. Pastors do need a lot of prayer. As soon as a person surrenders to the ministry, it’s as if a giant target gets painted on his back. Satan works overtime trying to take him down, hoping that if he falls, his flock will scatter as well. (The same can be said of parents and their children!)

Yet Christians serve a God who is greater than anything the devil can throw at us. That’s why I’m such a proponent of prayer. The Bible tells us, “You have not, because you ask not.” (James 4:2) I’m trying to change that narrative, one printable prayer guide at a time.

5 Lessons Feminists Can Learn from Wonder Woman

[view source]

My husband took me and our three oldest daughters to the first available screening of the eagerly awaited Wonder Woman last night. Uncertain how this “strong female lead” would be portrayed, we left our younger ones at home while we previewed it.

The film delivered beyond all our highest hopes; therefore, I took the rest of the family to a matinee showing this morning so that they could enjoy and discuss it, too. It is a beautifully told tale of virtue and honor and purpose and passion and sacrifice. Wonder Woman touches on some of the deepest and most powerful truths I’ve seen portrayed on the silver screen in a long, long time and contains, I think, some particularly important lessons for feminists:

She fully embraces her femininity

While modern day feminists downplay the differences between male and female, Wonder Woman (played by Gal Gadot) displays those distinctions with beauty and grace. Long hair, soft skin, curvaceous figure — she makes no attempt to hide her womanly appearance. In fact, her manner of dress rather accentuates her feminine features.

What’s more, Wonder Woman seems instinctively drawn to babies and is stubbornly intent on protecting innocents — especially children — from harm. In a current cultural climate that equates female empowerment with abortion rights, Diana’s tenderness toward little ones is refreshing (as is the fact the actress herself was pregnant during filming — her bulging belly had to be CGI’d out in the retakes).

She brings out the best in the men beside her

Modern day feminists act as if they are in competition with men, as if honor and respect are a zero-sum game. Wonder Woman does not belittle or demean men in an attempt to make herself look better. Instead, she draws out the very best in them and inspires those fighting alongside her to be better and braver and nobler than they were before.

Even when, in the wake of personal failure, one team member suggests the others would be better off without him, Diana simply asks, “But then who will sing for us, Charlie?” Rather than deriding him for his weakness, she graciously reassures him that he is still wanted and needed. In doing so, she affirms his dignity, restores his confidence, and strengthens his resolve.

This elevating influence — this ability to encourage, motivate, and energize — has always been one of woman’s greatest strengths. When she wields it effectively, society as a whole benefits. Unfortunately, modern day feminists have traded this ennobling power for a lowest-common-denominator brand of equality that pushes women to adopt man’s basest characteristics, and both sexes have been diminished as a result.

She accurately appraises her enemy

Modern day feminists have declared war on the opposite sex. They view all men — by virtue of the fact that they are men — as oppressors, rapists, and abusers, and treat them as such. Guilty until proven innocent.

Wonder Woman views men as corruptible, but also redeemable. She knows that the soldiers she fights on the battlefield are not her true enemy. That title belongs to Ares, the god of war. Diana believes that only by defeating this formidable foe can she free mankind from the evil power of his grasp.

She pursues her purpose with passion

“Stopping the war is our fore-ordinance,” Diana reminds her mother. “As Amazons, it is our destiny.” Wonder Woman does not shy from this destiny, despite the daunting and dangerous task before her. She is fierce but idealistic, powerful yet compassionate. She defends those who cannot defend themselves, although doing so comes at a cost of great personal sacrifice.

Modern day feminism portrays women as a victim class. It thrives on trigger warnings, safe spaces, and self-centeredness. It’s hard to imagine this current generation of snowflakes having enough chutzpah to do anything that requires grit, determination, or self-sacrifice, but maybe Wonder Woman will serve as a strong female role model they so desperately need — one who is genuinely kind, unashamedly feminine, and pays respect to the opposite sex as freely as she receives it.


She rightly recognizes the role of faith

“It’s not about what you deserve. It’s about what you believe.” Major Steve Trevor (played by Chris Pine) says it first, and Wonder Woman repeats it later. As a Christian, the truth of this statement especially resonates with me, as does Diana’s final analysis that darkness abides within the heart of every human, and “only love can save the world.”

All three observations are consistent with Biblical truth. Our hearts are dark with sin (Jeremiah 17:9). We deserve death (Romans 6:23), but receive mercy when we put our faith in Christ (Ephesians 2:4-9) who demonstrated His great love for us by dying in our stead (Romans 5:8), that the world through Him might be saved (John 3:17). For God is love (1 John 4:8) .

Our Best Advice to Nearly-Weds

Our fourth-born got married this month, just four days before he graduated from medical school, and is currently on his honeymoon.

Before the wedding, he and his bride went through premarital counseling with a couple from their church. One of their first assignments involved both his and her parents filling out lengthy questionnaires to be read and discussed by the happy couple.

Some of the questions were specific, such as “What do you consider your son’s (or daughter’s) greatest strength or most challenging weakness?”

But most of the questions were of a general nature. I’ve reprinted our responses to the general stuff below, in hopes that it might be a blessing to other couples (whether newlywed or not):

As we begin our new marriage, what is your best advice to me about COMMITMENT?

Dad: Marriage is for life. It is far easier and better to make adjustments in an existing relationship than to try and forge a new one.

Mom: Commitment is the glue that holds your marriage together. Without it, there’s little chance that you will make it through all the better and worse, sickness and health, want and wealth as long as you both shall live. Keep in mind that you and your spouse are on the same side. You do have an enemy, and your enemy will be working overtime to destroy your marriage, but that enemy is not the person you married.

What is your best advice to me about COMMUNICATION?

Dad: Don’t be afraid to ask questions if you don’t understand.

Mom: Don’t expect your spouse to read your mind; tell her what you are thinking, both the good and the bad. If you are upset about something, choose your words carefully. Don’t spew things in anger you will regret later, for there is no taking it back afterwards.

There are certain things you should never say to one another (such as “I hate you” or “I want a divorce”). Agree in advance to ban such comments from your conversations. I’d recommend going one step further to say that you should not even entertain such thoughts in your mind (take every thought captive!) – for if you allow them in or begin to dwell on them at all, they will eventually come out in your words and actions and will damage the trust you’ve worked so hard to build.

What is your best advice to me about HUSBAND/WIFE ROLES?

Dad: Complement each other, don’t try to compete. A win for either is a win for the team.

Mom: God’s Word makes it clear that the husband is to be the head of the home and that the wife is to respectfully defer to his authority. That doesn’t mean you get to be a dictator and boss your wife around. You are to love her as Christ loves the church and follow His example of servant leadership.

When you do this, you will make it much easier for her to follow your lead. The vast majority of the time, you will be in agreement over the course of action you should take as a couple in any given circumstance. In the rare instance that you do not see eye to eye, please listen when your wife voices concern and take her point of view into consideration in your decision making. Remember that having a different opinion on something than you does not constitute rebellion against your authority, especially when she is committed to abiding by whatever final decision you make.

What is your best advice to me about PARENTING?

Dad: You won’t be perfect, so be sure to admit when you are wrong and make any necessary changes.

Mom: Definitely have children if you can. Pray for wisdom in raising them. Love them fiercely, but don’t let their needs cause you to marginalize your marriage relationship. The kids will fare much better when your marriage is happy and well-tended.

Be patient and consistent in child training, clearly define expectations, and discipline your children when they need it (for willful disobedience or intentional meanness to others) calmly and without anger. Pray with and for them. Don’t try to micromanage your kids, but give them room to grow and blossom into all God intends them to be.

What is your best advice to me about HUMOR?

Dad: Don’t take yourself too seriously. You are just a tiny person on a tiny planet spinning through space for a brief wisp of time.

Mom: Be willing to laugh at yourselves. A good sense of humor is an indispensable ingredient to a happy marriage.

What is your best advice to me about PRIORITIES IN LIFE?

Dad: There is only one priority which is to serve God, everything else is a manifestation of that service: How do I serve God through my family, my work, my church, my friendships, or even my diet and sleep?

Mom: Your top priority should be to glorify God in everything you do. I like your dad’s analogy of life being like a pie. God doesn’t just want the first piece or even the biggest piece; He wants the whole thing. So whatever you choose to do —- whether eating or drinking or working as an anesthesiologist or playing violin in the community orchestra or doing missions in Africa or coaching your daughter’s soccer team -— do it in a way that honors and exalts and magnifies the Lord Jesus Christ.

What is your best advice to me about SPIRITUAL GROWTH?

Dad: There is no magic formula. All that we have and are is a gift of God’s grace. Look for His hand in things, and you will find it.

Mom: Stay in the book. Stay on your knees. Be a doer of the word, not just a hearer who deludes himself. Live out your faith and let it inform everything else you do in life.

What is your best advice to me about FINANCES?

Dad: Have an emergency fund, it will give you peace of mind.

Mom: As much as you are able, avoid debt on depreciating items (I don’t think houses or education necessarily fall into that category) and resist making impulse purchases. Make a budget and stick to it as best you can. But also remember that money is just a tool. God expects us to be a good steward of what He gives us, yes, but He also wants us to be open channels through which He can bless others. Your dad definitely has that part down pat. I hope you will be as generous with others as he is, but maybe hang onto your cars for just a little bit longer than he does before trading them in.

Always Open: 5 Reasons I Love Having My Tubes Intact

I spotted an article online this week entitled Closed for Business: 5 Reasons I Love Having My Tubes Tied. It was written by a woman who had undergone a tubal ligation after the birth of her second child.

Nine months later, she is exuberant about her decision. Whether she’ll still say it’s “the best thing I ever did with my reproductive organs” twenty years from now, when her kids are grown and the nest is empty, remains to be seen.

As an aging mother on the opposite end of the fertility spectrum, the article made me sad. I’ve seen a lot of my friends come to regret having their tubes tied, so much so that several have gone through the trouble, pain, and expense of having the procedure reversed. Of those who did, a few enjoyed successful pregnancies afterwards while others remained barren.

All of which makes me grateful my tubes are still intact. Here are 5 reasons why I am always open to having more children:

I love being a mother

Getting pregnant, feeling movement, giving birth, nursing babies, cuddling toddlers, nurturing adolescents, guiding teens, and watching them all grow into confident, capable, compassionate young adults — I love everything about motherhood.

Sure, each stage has its challenges, but those pale in comparison to the blessings children bring to a family. And the trials are so short lived; blink and your babies are gone. My nest would have been empty for more than a decade by now if my husband and I had stopped at two children. I’m happy to think we have another ten years to go before the last chick fledges and flies.

It keeps everyone in suspense

When people ask us if we’re going to have any more — which they do, all the time — we tell them honestly, “God alone knows… but it’s a distinct possibility.” They get a similar response when they ask if all our children were planned. “Yes they were… but not by us! We only planned to leave the planning to God.”

A reader once told me that letting God plan my family sounded like “giving up my free will and holding myself not responsible” for the consequences. But I’d say, for us, it’s more like dining in a five-star restaurant and telling the world-renowned chef, “We know that anything you prepare will be absolutely amazing, so don’t bother fetching a menu — just send out whatever you think we’d like.” And guess what? This method worked splendidly, and we could not be any more delighted with the results.

It avoids unnecessary surgical complications

Any medical procedure carries with it certain health risks, and sterilization is no exception. Known side effects of tubal ligation include castrative menopause, severe hormone imbalance, increased risk of heart disease, dysfunctional uterine bleeding, atrophic ovaries, bone loss and osteoporosis, to name just a few.

I know that bringing up children is hard work, and I can understand the desire to space pregnancies out a bit, but there’s a big difference between closing the shop for a short vacation and burning it to the ground. Time has a way of changing one’s perspective on things like “the perfect family size.” That’s why I’d caution against permanent methods of pregnancy prevention.

It packs sex with potential

Choosing to leave my tubes intact (and forgoing other forms of birth control, as well) means that every time I have sex with my husband — which I’ve done with unwavering regularity for nearly thirty years now — there exists the marvelous possibility that our union might produce another baby. Even at 52 with menopause undoubtedly looming in my not-too-distant future, I would be absolutely thrilled to find out I was pregnant again.

Sex as God designed it to be enjoyed — by a husband and wife fully committed to one another and open to receiving the blessing of children — is a potent thing. When any of those elements are missing (marriage, faithfulness, procreative potential), sex is stripped of some of its power and meaning, and what is left is a distorted shadow of what was meant to be.

It’s an exercise of faith

As Christians, our goal is to love and serve God with everything we’ve got: with all our heart and soul and mind and strength. (Luke 10:27) He calls us to yield every area of our life to the Lordship of Jesus Christ. For us, fertility is a natural extension of that concept.

If we believe that God can be trusted with our health and our home and our finances and our eternal security — and we do! — then why not trust Him with our family size, too? By leaving the family planning to God, we merely acknowledge what the Bible has made clear from the beginning: It is God who opens and closes the womb.

Of course, remaining “always open” to children by eschewing elective sterilization and other preventative measures does not guarantee you’ll have a houseful — or even one. We’ve known several couples who’ve never used contraceptives yet still remained childless and others who’ve wound up with a large family despite being on the Pill the full time. Clearly then, any perceived “control” we humans have in this area is tenuous, at best.

Yet Scripture depicts fertility and the children it produces as lavish blessings from God. If we are going to err, shouldn’t we err on that side of the argument, by highly prizing both?

31-Day Prayer Challenge for Wives

Have you ever noticed that stuff isn’t built to last as long these days as it used to be? Unfortunately, the same thing can be said of modern marriages. Couples are splitting, families crumbling all around us — even those whose relationships seemed to be solid and good.

That makes me sad, but it also makes me determined to safeguard my own marriage in every way I can. In addition to forgiving freely and prioritizing oneness, I believe one of the most powerful things a wife can do to protect her marriage is to pray for her husband daily.

If you’re not in the habit of doing so already, I’d encourage you to begin right away. This very minute. Here’s a 31-day list of Scripture-backed prayer requests to get you started:

Ask God to give your husband WISDOM

“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously…”

(James 1:5)
Pray that he’d be a man of INTEGRITY

“A righteous man who walks in his integrity—how blessed are his children after him.”

(Proverbs 20:7)
Ask God to teach him to LOVE like Christ

“A new command I give you: Love one another.”

(John 13:34)
Pray that your husband would be blessed with good HEALTH

“I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you…”

(3 John 1:2)
Pray that God would fill his heart with JOY

“Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice!”

(Philippians 4:4)
Pray that God would be your husband’s STRENGTH

“The LORD is my strength & my shield; my heart trusts in Him, & He helps me.”

(Psalm 28:7)

Ask God to bless the WORK of his hands

“Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men.”

(Colossians 3:23)
Pray that your husband’s UNDERSTANDING would increase

“Make your ear attentive to wisdom, incline your heart to understanding.”

(Proverbs 2:2)
Pray that his CONFIDENCE would be rooted in Christ

“…in Him we may enter God’s presence with boldness and confidence…”

(Ephesians 3:12)
Pray that GENEROSITY might characterize his life

“A generous man will prosper; he who refreshes will himself be refreshed.”

(Proverbs 11:25)
Ask the Lord to give your husband REST

“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.”

(Matthew 11:28)
Pray nothing would tarnish his WITNESS for Christ

“We… testify that the Father has sent the Son to be the Savior of the world.”

(1 John 4:14)
Pray that your husband would walk in the TRUTH

“Lead me in Your truth and teach me, for You are the God of my salvation…”

(Psalm 25:10)
Pray that he’d model the ATTITUDE of Christ

“In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus…”

(Philippians 2:5)
Ask God to make him an attentive FATHER

“He will turn the hearts of fathers to children & of children to their fathers.”

(Malachi 4:6)
Ask God to increase your husband’s PATIENCE

“…encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with everyone.”

(1 Thessalonians 5:14)
Pray that your husband would learn to love MERCY

“Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.”

(Luke 6:36)
Pray that God’s PEACE would reign in his heart

“You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.”

(Isaiah 26:3)
Pray your husband would embrace HUMILITY

“Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He shall lift you up.”

(James 4:10)
Ask God to give him a heart of COMPASSION

“…be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate & humble.”

(1 Peter 3:8)
Pray that God would grant him BOLDNESS

“..we may boldly say: The Lord is my helper; I will not fear what man shall do unto me.”

(Hebrews 13:6)
Pray that your husband’s AFFECTION would endure

“Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.”

(Romans 12:10)
Pray that your husband would honor God with his FINANCES

“The blessing of the LORD makes rich, and He adds no sorrow with it.”

(Proverbs 10:22)
Pray that your husband would be known for his KINDNESS

“Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other…”

(Ephesians 4:32)
Ask God to add GOODNESS to your husband’s faith

“…make every effort to add to your faith goodness & to goodness, knowledge…”

(2 Peter 1:5)
Pray that he’ll pursue HOLINESS in his thoughts, words, and deeds

“But just as He who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do.”

(1 Peter 1:15)
Pray that your husband would live in OBEDIENCE to Christ

“…take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”

(2 Corinthians 10:5)
Ask God to teach him FAITHFULNESS in all things

“Whoever is faithful with very little will also be faithful with much.”

(Luke 16:10)
Pray that your husband would be known for his GENTLENESS

“…clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.”

(Colossians 3:12)
Ask God to give him an extra measure of SELF-CONTROL

“For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power, love & self-control.”

(2 Timothy 1:7)
Pray that your husband would walk in VICTORY over sin

“But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.”

(1 Corinthians 15:57)

At the request of one of my readers, I converted this list to a free, one-page printable for easy reference. To download your copy (pictured below), follow this link.

Do you pray regularly for your husband? If not, I hope you’ll take this 31-day challenge. Lift him up in prayer every day for a month, then when the next month rolls around, start all over and do it again.

And if you have any other advice for fortifying your marriage, I’d love for you to share it in the comment section below.

When God Gives Us More than We Can Handle

Last week, I published a piece entitled I’m Not Enough — and Why It’s Liberating to Admit It. The message must have resonated with my readers, for within the first twenty-four hours, over 1000 people had clicked through to read the post. The gist of the article is that positive self-talk does not change the facts — repeatedly telling yourself “I am enough” doesn’t make it true.

Today, I want to focus on another saying that’s long been popular among Christians: “God never gives you more than you can handle.” Have you ever heard that one before?

[view photo source]

Such a sentiment may sound reassuring, but it simply isn’t true.

You see, God routinely gives us more than we can handle. It’s His modus operandi — the way He naturally operates.

That’s because God loves using our weakness to showcase His strength. And He loves doing it in a way that leaves no doubt as to Whose strength we were leaning on in the midst of seemingly insurmountable odds.

Think about it.

If David had won a fist fight with a boy half his size rather than a death match with a giant who’d intimidated the entire Israeli army, no one would have lauded his bravery.
If Shadrack, Meshack and Abednego had been thrown into a jail cell instead of a fiery furnace, nobody would be surprised when they came out unsinged.
If five loaves and two fish had been used to feed five people instead of five thousand, the meal would have seemed mundane, not miraculous.

Yet in each of these situations, God gave His children far more than they could handle on their own. And He does business the same way today. That’s one reason our family enjoys reading missionary biographies. They serve as a reminder of the amazing things God can do through a life that is wholly yielded to Him.

I finished reading Gladys Aylward: The Adventure of a Lifetime aloud to my children just yesterday. It was my younger ones’ first time to hear this incredible true story, and they were completely mesmerized. “Just one more chapter? Please? Please?” they’d beg every time I tried to set the book down.

They marveled at how, after being kicked out of missionary school, Gladys scrimped and saved for years until she could afford to pay for her own passage to China, even trudging through the snow on foot through war-torn Siberia to get there.

They rejoiced that, when Gladys was left without any means of support to continue her mission work in China, the Mandarin hired her as his Royal Foot Inspector, to travel throughout the countryside eradicating the practice of foot-binding and simultaneously carrying the gospel to the farthest reaches of the province.

They were astonished that the Mandarin would send this tiny British woman into a prison to quell a riot that was so violent that armed prison guards were too afraid of being killed themselves to attempt to stop it. Since Gladys claimed to have “the living God in her heart,” they believed she couldn’t be harmed and therefore insisted she did their job for them.

My children sat on the edge of their seats as Gladys lead nearly 100 orphans to safety during the Japanese invasion of China during World War II.

This book recounts the adventures of a woman who accomplished more in her 67 years than most of us could accomplish in ten lifetimes. Reading the account of her years in China leaves no doubt; it would have been impossible for her to do these things in her own power. God obviously strengthened her for the task.

And He longs to do for us what He did for her.

Yes, God gladly gives us more than we can handle — but He never gives us more than He can handle.

I am NOT enough — and why it’s liberating to admit it

Do you know that feeling you get when your hear fingernails grating on a chalkboard? I guess most modern classrooms have switched to dry erase boards, so maybe you’ve missed it. It’s sort of a squeaky, screechy, scraping sound that really sets your nerves on edge. Back when I was in school, there was always one little boy in my homeroom who would routinely claw the board just to see his classmates wince.

Anyway, I’ve been getting that same feeling a lot lately, but not from blackboards. The thing that’s making me cringe these days is a catchphrase gaining traction in Christian and secular circles alike. It’s touted at women’s conferences. It’s promoted on blog posts. It’s plastered on car bumpers. It’s chanted during religious rituals. It’s engraved on stone pendants, silver charms, and golden rings. It’s tattooed across countless shoulders, arms, wrists, and ankles. And the trend shows no signs of letting up.

I’m referring, of course, to the affirmation, “I AM ENOUGH.”

Granted, the purveyors of this mantra are often well-intentioned. Perhaps they’re using “I am enough” as a reminder that we shouldn’t be constantly comparing ourselves to others or coveting things we don’t have or trying to keep up with the Joneses. And those are valid and important messages.

But the words we use to convey such messages are also important, and “I am enough” leaves way too much room for misunderstanding. It neither resonates with reality nor lines up with Biblical truth. That’s why so many groups have been able to appropriate the slogan and use it to support widely disparate worldviews:

Atheists argue: “I am enough. I don’t need God.”
Relativists reason: “I am enough. I don’t need rules.”
Feminists fume: “I am enough. I don’t need men.”
Loners lament: “I am enough. I don’t need friends.”

And folks who’ve grown complacent and lazy about life contend: “I am enough. I don’t need to work toward bettering myself in any way. This is who I am. Take it or leave it.”

As I mentioned before, the problem is that all these assertions are not only unbiblical, but they’re completely out of touch with reality. That’s why it’s so liberating to confess, “I’m NOT enough. I’m not even close.”

Jesus came that we might “have life, and have it more abundantly” (John 10:10), but we will completely miss out on the bountiful life He offers if we never look beyond our own thoughts, feelings, and extremely limited resources. The first step to overcoming any problem is to admit you have one, and the first step to living a full, satisfying, deeply meaningful life is to reject the notion that you can do it completely on your own.

In reality, we are all born with something missing. And trying to fill the void with positive affirmations doesn’t really work. No matter how often I tell myself, “I am enough,” in my heart of hearts, I know it’s a lie. The simple truth is, I’m NOT enough. I fall far short of the mark, and I freely admit it. (Romans 3:23) I’m not strong enough or smart enough or pure enough or mature enough or anything enough to make it through life without a lot of help.

I’m not enough — but, praise God, I don’t have to be.


I’m not strong enough… but God is, and He has promised to give me strength.

“But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” – 2 Corinthians 12:9

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” – Philippians 4:13

I’m not smart enough… but God is, and He has promised to give me wisdom.

“For the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than human strength.” – 1 Corinthians 1:25

“If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” – James 1:5

I’m not pure enough… but Christ is, and He has paid the price for my sin.

“God made Him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God.” – 2 Corinthians 5:21

“In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace that He lavished upon us.” – Ephesians 1:7-8

I’m not mature enough… but God is conforming me to the image of Christ.

“For those God foreknew He also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters.” – Romans 8:29

“Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” – James 1:4

I’m not worthy enough… but God is, and He loves me despite my unworthiness.

“Worthy is the Lamb, who was slain, to receive power and wealth and wisdom and strength and honor and glory and praise!” – Revelation 5:12

“We were by nature deserving of wrath. But because of His great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions — it is by grace you have been saved.” – Ephesians 2:4-5

Did you catch that last phrase? “It is by grace you have been saved.” It is not because of something we are — we could never BE enough. (2 Corinthians 3:5) It is not because of something we’ve done — we could never DO enough. (Ephesians 2:8-9)

Human will and desire and effort and exertion are not enough (Romans 9:16) — salvation and the abundant life that accompanies it are the work of God, from start to finish. (Philippians 2:13) And He can be trusted to see that work through to the end. (Philippians 1:6) I can cooperate with Him in that work, but I can’t do it on my own — any more than a dead man can bring himself back to life. (Romans 6:13)

So if you’ve been telling yourself, “I am enough” but not feeling it, you can leave off pretending right now. Break out of the prison of supposed self-sufficiency and turn your life over to Christ.

You are NOT enough, but God never expected you to be. He stands ready and willing to give you the significant, soul-satisfying life you crave, if only you will recognize your need and ask Him for it. (1 John 1:8-9)

The Longest Reigning Monarch

This week marked the 65th anniversary of the ascension of Queen Elizabeth to the throne of England. She was crowned queen on February 6, 1952, following the death of her father. That makes her the longest reigning monarch in the history of Great Britain.

[image source]

Sixty-five years is a long time, but it’s a drop in the bucket compared to eternity. That’s how long the Son of David’s throne will endure. Moreover, Christ bestows on us a kingdom, just as His Father bestowed on Him. (Luke 22:29) He invites us to reign alongside Him. (2 Timothy 2:12)

He wore a crown of thorns, that we might wear a throne of righteousness. (John 19:2; 2 Timothy 4:8) And that’s just the beginning. Faithful followers of Christ are also eligible for the following crowns:

A CROWN OF LIFE

“Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.” – James 1:12

“Be faithful until death, and I will give you the crown of life.” – Revelation 2:10

A CROWN OF KNOWLEDGE

“The simple inherit folly, but the prudent are crowned with knowledge.” – Proverbs 14:18

A CROWN OF GLORY

“And when the Chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the crown of glory that will never fade away.” – 1 Peter 5:4

“[Wisdom] will give you a garland to grace your head and present you with a glorious crown.” – Proverbs 4:9

A CROWN OF VICTORY

“For the LORD takes delight in his people; he crowns the humble with victory.” – Psalm 149:4

A CROWN OF LOVE

“[God] redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion.” – Psalm 103:4

A CROWN OF JOY

“Those the LORD has rescued will return. They will enter Zion with singing; everlasting joy will crown their heads. Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away.” – Isaiah 51:11

AN ETERNAL CROWN

“Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever.” – 1 Corinthians 9:25

What shall we do with so many crowns? We couldn’t possibly wear them all simultaneously. I imagine will follow the example of the 24 elders and cast those crowns at Jesus’ feet. (Revelation 4:10)

This makes a great topical study. I’m indebted to a reader by the name of Laura Brandsberg for suggesting I turn these verses into a free printable, which I’ve gladly done:

[click on image to print]

I hope you’ll enjoy it. May it serve as a reminder to all of us to “lay not up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.” (Matthew 6:19-20)

10 Resolutions for a Happier New Year

I love New Year’s and the fresh start January represents, so I normally kick it off with a list of resolutions as long as my arm.

Some of my goals are specific and easily quantifiable: write a letter a day, read a book a week, lose 50 pounds before my son gets married in May. I believe in dreaming big! Even if I only pen 100 letters or read 40 books or lose 30 pounds, I’ll be better off than I am now.

But some of my goals – the really challenging ones – take the form of more general reminders. Here are ten I think should be on everybody’s list:

Smile more.

Science has shown that smiling – even when you don’t particularly feel like it – actually makes you happier. Wouldn’t the folks with whom you interact rather see a smile on your face than a scowl?

Spend less.

I’ve always had something of a use-it-up-wear-it-out-make-it-do-or-do-without mentality, and while that sometimes drives my lavishly generous husband crazy, there is much to be said for being content with what you have. Plus, living below your means translates into less stress over finances and bigger reserves from which to help others.

Stay active.

So much of modern life is sedentary: sitting at desks, riding in cars, attending meetings. Let’s make 2017 the year we get up and get moving. It doesn’t matter what you do for exercise, as long as you do something.

Eat smarter.

We need to be more intentional about what we put in our mouths. More whole foods, less junk. More leisurely meals around the kitchen table, less grabbing fast food on the fly.

Don’t worry.

Worrying accomplishes nothing but to make us miserable. That’s why I gave it up years ago, opting to do #6 instead:

Pray harder.

The Bible says we don’t have because we don’t ask. Let’s spend 2017 delighting in the Lord and allowing Him to align our desires with His. Then we can boldly approach the Throne of Grace, confident that God will hear and answer our prayers.

Hug your loved ones.

I once read that people need at least seven hugs a day to stay healthy, so embrace those closest to you at every opportunity and tell them how much you love them. You never know how many more chances you’ll get to do that!

Count your blessings.

Instead of dwelling on what you lack, focus on what you have. This is a practice we’ve worked hard to instill in our children, and one that would benefit a lot of adults we know, as well.

Listen before speaking.

I sometimes try to answer questions or objections before I’ve heard the other person out. Proverbs 18:13 calls this habit “a folly and a shame.” Let’s use our ears more and our tongues less in 2017.

Own up to being wrong.

My husband once accused me of being unwilling to admit when I’m wrong. He was right (although I was unwilling to admit it), so I spent the next several years actively looking for opportunities to admit being wrong without prompting. I got pretty good at it, but have lately found myself slipping into old habits, so #10 is back on this year’s list, too.

The trick to making good on any new goal is to post it in a prominent place and review it daily until it becomes second nature. Here’s wishing you every success in 2017!

Note: This article first appeared in Family Matters, a weekly column I write for the Tyler Morning Telegraph. And a bare-bone version of it was published on this blog in 2012.