Jennifer Flanders's Blog, page 18

Succeeding at Things that Really Matter

[Photo by Dallas Reedy on Unsplash]

Our family enjoys going to the beach, but we normally wait and go off season. We’ll head to the coast in late February or early April or maybe even September, when schools are back in session after a too-short summer break.

Traveling at odd times means we avoid the crowds. Sometimes, we even have the entire beach to ourselves. We once visited Destin the last week of August and never saw another soul there.

Unfortunately, visiting off-season also means the water’s cooler and the air crisper than in the height of summer. So we spend the majority of our beach time playing in the sand instead of splashing in the ocean or riding on the waves.

The kids bury one another in sand. We run along the beach and fly kites and hunt for seashells. And we build lots and lots of sandcastles.

Eventually, I got smart and started packing a sculpting set to add detail work to our sand sculptures. We embellish the castles with bricks, drawbridges, turrets, and windows. We add scales, fins, and flowing hair or fiery breath to our mermaids and sea monsters.

It’s a lot of fun, but we know from the beginning these creations won’t last. Eventually, the tides roll in and carry them out to sea.

Besides, as soon as Dad’s stomach starts rumbling, he’s ready to pack up and go eat, so we couldn’t invest an inordinate amount of time on our sandcastles, even if/though we were inclined to do so.

Several years back, Doug and I built a real house. A house to live in. A house that took a substantially bigger investment of time and money than the most intricately detailed sandcastle the children and I have ever constructed.

Before we could even begin building, we had to do a couple of months’ worth of clearing the lot and pushing the dirt and preparing the pad, to ensure we’d be working on a solid foundation.

Neither we nor our builder wanted the house to crumble when storms rolled in, as they inevitably do.

Do you remember the parable Jesus told contrasting a wise man who built his house on the rock with a foolish man who built his house on the sand?

Have you ever considered the fact that both builders had heard the same message? The difference was not in the knowledge with which they were working, but in what they did with that knowledge.

The wise man chose to obey the words of Christ. The foolish man opted not to.

Therefore everyone who hears these words of Mine and acts on them, may be compared to a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house; and yet it did not fall, for it had been founded on the rock. Everyone who hears these words of Mine and does not act on them, will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. The rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house; and it fell—and great was its fall. (Matthew 7:24-27)

Both builders worked hard. They both invested time and effort and capital in the construction. But the wise man’s obedience meant he was building on a solid foundation of rock. The foolish man’s carelessness meant he was building upon shifting sand.

[Photo by Gerardo Ramones from Pexels]

A big difference

In actuality, the houses are metaphors for life. They beg the question, “Into what am I pouring my time and energy and effort?

Am I investing in something of eternal value, in obedience to Christ?
Or am I sinking my resources into something that’ll crumble as soon as difficulties arise?

Francis Chan observed in his groundbreaking book Crazy Love, “Our greatest fear should not be of failure, but of succeeding at things in life that don’t really matter.”

Francis Chan: Our greatest fear should not be of failure, but of succeeding at things in life that don’t really matter.Click to Tweet

Of course, determining what things in life matter and what things don’t can be a tricky business. That’s because God’s economy often turns the world’s economy on its head.

The world views success in terms of fame and beauty and bank accounts. Power and politics and platform building. Climbing corporate ladders and crashing through glass ceilings. Glitz and glamour.

Scripture stresses the importance of lowlier activities:

Caring for orphans and widows (James 1:27)
Clothing the naked (Matthew 25:36)
Feeding the hungry (Proverbs 25:21)
Tending the sick (Ezekiel 34:4)
Weeping with those who weep (Romans 12:15)
Showing hospitality to strangers (Hebrews 13:2)
Visiting those in prison (Hebrews 13:3)
Offering a cup of water to a thirsty child (Matthew 10:42)

Jesus sends us into our closet to pray in secret (Matthew 6:6) and tells us to give in such a way that our left hand doesn’t know what the right is doing (Matthew 6:3).

So don’t fall into the trap of thinking that living in obedience to Christ means serving Him in some sort of conspicuous or grandiose way. You can do work that matters as a school teacher, a surgeon, a student, or a stay-at-home mom. You can serve God as an accountant, an artist, an athlete, or even an attorney. (Lawyer jokes aside, we are so grateful for the God-fearing attorneys we know!)

Perhaps someday the Lord may call you to do foreign missions, to pastor a mega-church, or to run for President. If and when that day comes, you’ll need to answer the call.

But for the time being, work on proving yourself faithful in your present, humble circumstances. Honor God, walk in obedience, point others to Him, pray without ceasing – moment by moment, day by day, week by week – right where you are, at home or away, in the boardroom, in the bedroom, or at the beach.

As a stay-at-home mother of twelve, Jennifer Flanders has spent the last 31 years clothing the naked, feeding the hungry, and giving countless cups of water to children who claim to be thirsty – especially when they’re supposed to be in bed. To read more from this author, check out her books.

The post Succeeding at Things that Really Matter appeared first on Loving Life at Home.

Irrefutable Proof that Love is Blind

My husband and I celebrated 32 years of marriage this month. We traditionally celebrate our anniversary by watching taped footage of our wedding ceremony. Since we no longer own a VHS player, we’ve missed doing so for several years running, although we did renew our vows at 25 years and now have a tape of that to watch instead.

I distinctly remember the last time we viewed the original, somewhat grainy recording of our younger selves exchanging vows. Afterwards, one of my little ones turned to me and asked, “Who were those people, anyway?”

Our eyes are playing tricks on us

From our perspective, Doug and I have barely changed at all. In the mind of our toddler, we’re unrecognizable.

People say love is blind, but the way our loved ones see us helps shape the way we see ourselves. This is especially true in marriage. The knowledge that my husband still finds me attractive is a huge confidence booster.

Doug said something to me several years ago that really drove this concept home. We were on a cross-country road trip at the time. Having taken a couple weeks off work, he loaded our family into our 15-passenger van and embarked on a 6,000 mile tour of the West Coast.

As you might imagine, traveling with so many little ones in tow necessitates frequent potty breaks. During one such stop, while our older kids queued up with their little partners outside the restroom doors, I took advantage of the peace and quiet to phone my mother. (Mom daily covers our family in prayer, but I’m pretty sure she doubles the time she spend on her knees anytime we travel.)

The children soon returned, noisily piling into the van two-by-two. Their ruckus made it hard for me to hear, so I slid out the passenger side door to continue my phone conversation outside.

That’s when Doug, who was pumping gas at the time, noticed me leaning over a nearby newsstand with my backside turned toward him.

Since he hadn’t seen me get out of the van, he did not at first recognize me as his wife. Instead, as he laughingly admitted once we were back on the road, the exact thought that crossed his mind was, “Gee, that gal looks just like a heavy-set version of Jennifer!”

But then, he said, I turned around and immediately shrank down to my normal size – like some kind of freaky optical illusion.

Reassuring… in a roundabout way

Now, before you get upset with my husband for admitting such a thought or take offense on my behalf for what you consider an insensitive remark, let me assure you that I did not feel the least bit insulted by his comments. Far from it!

Rather, I found my husband’s confession reassuring. He was shocked when he realized the overweight woman who reminded him of me actually was me — a fact that tells me what his brain normally perceives is something quite different from what his eyes take in.

(That’s not to say I didn’t immediately swear off sweets and start exercising more — blind love is a wonderful thing, but I have no desire to test its limits!)

Our bathroom scales leave little doubt that Doug’s gas-station impression was accurate: I truly am “a heavy-set version” of the girl he married.

But thankfully, that is not what registers whenever he looks at me and knows it’s me. He sees instead the slim young bride who met him at the altar so many years ago.

I don’t consider that revelation insulting. I find it endearing.

God sees an altered image, too

It reminds me, in fact, of a similar thing that happens in the spiritual realm.

The Bible tells us we “all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.” (Romans 3:23) Yet, once we commit our lives to Jesus and accept the forgiveness He offers, God no longer sees all our shortcomings when He looks at us.

Instead, He sees the righteousness of His blessed Son, a righteousness “given by faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe.” (Romans 3:22)

This doesn’t mean God is unaware of our struggles. He understands our weakness. (Romans 8:26) He knows that we are dust (Psalm 103:14) and are easily entangled in sin (Hebrews 12:1).

Yet His grace is sufficient and His power is perfected in weakness. (2 Corinthians 12:9) He promises to never leave nor forsake us (Deuteronomy 31:8). Instead, He walks by our side (Psalm 23:4) and provides a way of escape (1 Corinthians 1:13), regardless what temptation life throws our way.

No matter how often we fail, God stands ready to forgive. (1 John 1:9) He loves us. (1 John 4:10) He remains faithfully committed to us. (2 Thessalonians 3:3) And He keeps no record of wrongs. (1 Corinthians 13:5)

Thanks to Christ’s self-sacrificing death, my account as a believer has been “paid in full.”

And whenever God looks at me (no matter the vantage point!), that is the only thing He sees and the only thing that matters.

The post Irrefutable Proof that Love is Blind appeared first on Loving Life at Home.

The Surest Way to Get Where You’re Going

A Chance Meeting

Once, back when my husband was in medical school, he found himself in an elevator with a woman he instantly recognized from something he’d read in the school paper. So he struck up a conversation with her.

The woman was undoubtedly alarmed that a perfect stranger was so familiar with her background — where she’d gone to school, what she’d studied, her grade-point average, different awards she’d won. She may even have wondered if Doug were some kind of cerebral stalker.

“How do you happen to know so much about me?” she asked somewhat timidly.

“From that article the paper printed welcoming you to town,” he explained with a friendly smile. He could still recall it as clearly as if he’d read it yesterday.

Raising her eyebrows, she nodded slowly. Inhaled deeply. Waited impatiently for the elevator to reach her floor.

Then, as she stepped out, she told him, “That article was published seven years ago.”

Talented and Gifted

All to say, my husband has been blessed with a phenomenal memory. This fact was apparent from the moment I met him.

He could easily pass a test on information he read a single time. He could glimpse a phone number on a billboard and recall it weeks later. And he could study a map before we left home and take us straight to our destination, even if we had to drive across several states to get there.

Unfortunately, that was in the era before smart phones. Now when we travel, he feels compelled to consult Google maps every ten minutes.

Most couples fight about sex and finances, but not us.

Instead, Doug and I argue about how soon stuff should be donated to Goodwill (he considers an item fair game if we haven’t used it in the past 5 minutes; I favor waiting until we are 100% sure we’ll never need it again).

We also squabble over how frequently a driver can safely look at his phone while the car is moving.

The only correct answer — and the rule we teach our children — is “not at all, ever, ever, ever.” But one of us has a harder time practicing what he preaches in that department than the other.

Can you relate? Whether you memorize the map or depend on your GPS, keep your eyes on the road while driving! If you need to look up directions or type an address into your phone, please pull over or have a passenger do it or just plug in your destination before you leave home, and let Siri give you step-by-step instructions.

I normally don’t even glance at my phone while driving. But, in the interest of full-disclosure, I’ll admit I’m not as safe a driver as I’d like to be myself.

I Need My Rest

Do you remember the lullaby Mary Poppins sang as she tucked Jane and Michael under their covers?

Stay awake, don’t rest your head.

Don’t lie down upon your bed.

You’re not sleepy, as you seem.

Stay awake, don’t nod or dream…

Of course, her admonitions were completely ineffectual, because the song lulled her charges right to sleep.

Driving affects me that same way. I can only make it 15-20 minutes behind the wheel before those parallel lane markers steadily rolling past put me in a trance.

Fortunately, my husband and most of my older children are immune to the hypnotic effect of sitting behind the steering wheel, so they do the majority of the driving when we travel.

On the rare occasions that I can’t avoid driving, I take a lots of stretch breaks. I run laps around the car. I do jumping jacks. And crunch ice. I sing opera. And listen to audiobooks. And pray aloud.

If you’re too sleepy to drive safely, you need to pull over, too. Driving while drowsy is just as dangerous as driving while distracted or intoxicated.

So grab a cup of coffee. Slap your cheeks. Stay awake. No nodding or dreaming when you’re the one driving!

Rules to Live by

These two admonitions – stay alert and memorize the map – are pragmatic driving tips, to be sure. But they make for some practical life lessons, as well.

Scripture repeatedly tells us to be on the alert, to stay sober, to remain vigilant:

“Be on your guard and stay alert! For you do not know when the appointed time will come.” – Mark 13:33
“Devote yourselves to prayer with an alert mind and a thankful heart.” – Colossians 4:2
“Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.” – 1 Peter 5:8
“The end of all things is near. Therefore be clear-minded and sober, so that you can pray.” – 1 Peter 4:7
“So then let us not sleep, as others do, but let us keep awake and be sober… putting on the breastplate of faith and love, and the helmet of our hope of salvation.” – 1 Thessalonians 5:6-8
“Therefore, prepare your minds for action, keep sober in spirit, fix your hope completely on the grace to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.” – 1 Peter 1:13
“And take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. Pray in the Spirit at all times, with every kind of prayer and petition. To this end, stay alert with all perseverance in your prayers for all the saints.” – Ephesians 6:17-18

That last verse tells us God’s Word is a sword with which we can defend ourselves. But I’ve also heard the Bible compared to a roadmap for life.

Getting Where You Want to Go

Thinking of Scripture in this way helps explain why so many believers would want to consult it frequently. I’m all about spreading it open at the start of every day, pouring over its pages, prayerfully looking to God’s Word for guidance and direction.

In the same way, I believe the Bible is the first thing we should reference if we lose our way. Whenever that happens, it’s good to call time-out, pull to the side of the road, and get your bearings straight.

Sadly, life’s constant flow of traffic can sometimes prevent our stopping or slowing down, even for a second. Spur-of-the-moment Word studies and read-as-you-go encouragement may seem like a luxury you can’t afford amid the grind of daily responsibilities and looming deadlines.

That’s why nothing beats memorizing the map if you want to stay on course from the outset. When you hide the God’s Word in your heart, it acts as an internal compass and keeps you pointed in the right direction.

You can reference it mentally as you go, meditating on it, mulling over what it means, and how its timeless truth and wisdom relates to your current surroundings. That way, you aren’t dependent on good Internet reception; you don’t have to flip through pages or scroll down screens when the road ahead demands your full attention.

When we internalize and memorize the Word of God, it is ever present, ever available.

God’s Word keeps us from getting lulled to sleep along the way and enables us to reach our final destination safely, surely, and unscathed by Satan’s sundry schemes.

The post The Surest Way to Get Where You’re Going appeared first on Loving Life at Home.

We Find What We Look For

When my husband was doing his medical residency, he had an attending physician who truly seemed bewildered by Doug’s happiness.

“Why are you always so cheerful?” he’d ask. “You’re poor. You live in a ratty apartment. Your son has diabetes. What do you have to smile about?”

The contrast was even more irksome in light of the attending’s personal unhappiness. He lived in a mansion. He had a high paying job. And he was well-respected in his community. Yet he remained miserable and dissatisfied.

So what could explain this huge difference in their attitudes?

Bottom-line, it was the Lord.

Yet even Christians can have a difficult time cultivating contentment.

On a day-to-day level, much of the difference lies in our mindset. We tend to find what we look for. If all I can see is the negative, I may need to change my focus.

Look for good things around you

When I walk into my backyard, I can see dirt, weeds, brown patch, and slugs. But I can simultaneously find green grass, singing birds, towering trees, and vibrant blooms. It all depends on what I’m hunting.

The same is true of my child’s room. Depending on how I view it, I’ll notice dirty socks on the floor, dust bunnies in the corners, and an overflowing trash can. But by slightly lifting my eyes, I’ll spot the neatly made bed, the beautiful artwork-in-progress spread across the desk, the pile of books on my voracious reader’s night stand, maybe even the uneasy teen herself who’s watching me inspect her space and hungering for my approval.

Look for good things about you

When I consider my body, do I bemoan the wrinkles gathering on my forehead? The bladder that refuses to do its job any time I laugh or sneeze? The baby weight that stubbornly clings to my middle nearly a decade past my last pregnancy?

What if, rather than perseverating on my perceived shortcomings, I rejoice over my strengths? What if I thank God for strong arms that can carry grandbabies, groceries, and garden clippings with ease? Or praise Him for eyes that can see the smiles on my children’s faces, the glory of a beautiful sunset, and (with a bit of help from my dollar-store readers) the soul-stirring words on a written page? What if I feel genuinely grateful for a sound mind that can easily recall the names of my grandchildren, construct a rational argument, compose a letter to a friend, or pen a column for the local paper?

Look for good in your loved ones

Probably one of the most important places we should hunt for the good instead of searching out the bad is in marriage. The fact is, if you are married at all, you are married to a sinner. There’s no other option! And if you go looking for offense, you’re sure to find it. A hurtful word. An irritated tone. A forgotten anniversary.

After more than three decades of living with my husband, I’ve realized that most of the habits most prone to upset me are relatively minor. He looks at his phone instead of listening, so I’m forced to repeat myself. He forgets to buckle his seatbelt, and the car alarm drives me crazy. And he spends money on frivolous purchases (defined as anything I don’t think he needs).

If I stewed on such trivial offenses long enough, I could work myself into a state of frustrated annoyance. But why do that? Especially when, by shifting my focus, I can change my whole perspective.

When I actively search for the good in my husband, I easily find it. I see an incredibly hard worker who comes home from 12-hour shifts at the hospital and launches immediately and cheerfully into doing multiple loads of laundry – just to help me out (and possibly to ensure his drawers stay stocked with clean scrubs and underwear). A man so incredibly generous that he routinely tips 30% or more on the meals we eat out and willingly gives to worthy causes, even if it means sacrificing to do so. An animated storyteller who can send an entire roomful of people into fits of hysterical laughter. A loving father who prays daily and earnestly for his children, having dedicated his life to helping them succeed while also understanding that success isn’t possible apart from God’s blessing.

When I look at my husband this way, I don’t feel annoyed or exasperated. Far from it! Instead, my heart fills to bursting with love and respect and admiration.

Yet in every one of the cases cited above, my circumstances remain unaltered. Only my perspective changes. But what an amazing change such a mental shift can make!

You’ve Got a Choice

To be sure, you can make yourself miserable if you choose. That’s entirely within your rights.

To do so, simply dwell on what you don’t have. Give place to bitterness, resentment, and disappointment. View the glass as half empty. Refuse to look on the bright side of anything – or to even believe such a bright side exists.

But you’ll be better off if you look instead for the good. Take notice of God’s abundant provision: air to breath, food to eat, clothes to wear. Start counting your blessings. Keep a running list of them.

And follow the sage advice of Scripture: “Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things.” (Philippians 4:8)

The post We Find What We Look For appeared first on Loving Life at Home.

Praying for My Grandchildren

My husband and I welcomed our tenth grandchild in May. We love babies in general, but it has been especially sweet to watch our (now grown) babies raise babies of their own.

We’ve been blessed. Most of our grandkids live in or very close to our hometown. So we see them often.

Hardly a day goes by without them dropping in to say hello. Or eat a meal. Or share a story. Or play with our children who still live at home — aunts and uncles who aren’t much older than they (and in a couple of cases, are even younger).

But some of our grandchildren live some distance away.

We have a brand new grandson who lives four hours away in the heart of Houston. And a delightful little granddaughter who has spent her entire life half a world away in Germany.

Whether near or far, one of the best ways grandparents can invest in the lives of their children’s children is to pray for them.

This has been the lifelong habit of my own mother. Even at age 82, she still gets down on her knees daily to intercede on behalf of her children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren, praying for each of us by name.

And God has been faithful to answer those prayers. We’ve seen their fruit in our own lives and in the lives of our kids and grandkids.

Now I’m determined to continue that legacy. It’s a discipline we’d all do well to emulate (whether we have grandchildren or not).

Here are a few of the prayers my mom and I pray for ours, conveniently organized into a handy acrostic to spell “GRANDS.”

The next generation needs our prayers. Won’t you join us today in storming the throne of Grace on their behalf?

A Prayer for My Grandchildren

“This is the confidence which we have before Him, that, if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know He hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests which we have asked from Him.” (1 John 5:14-15)

G is for Grace

Lord, I pray for each of my grandchildren by name. (Philemon 1:3-4) Lavish Your grace upon them. (Ephesians 1:7-8) All worldly success will be for naught if they never possess a saving knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ. (Mark 8:36) Reveal Yourself to them through Your written Word (2 Timothy 3:15-17), through the glories of Your creation (Psalm 19:1-2), and through the proclamation of the gospel. (Romans 10:14) In lovingkindness, draw them to repentance (2 Corinthians 7:9-10) and mature them in their faith, conforming them to the blessed image of Your dear Son. (Romans 8:28-30)

R is for Relationships

Watch over each grandchild’s relationships, God. (Proverbs 6:22) Grant their parents wisdom (James 1:5) and endurance (Isaiah 40:29) as they train up their children. (Proverbs 22:6) Help them love their family well. (John 13:34-35) Provide good teachers (Luke 6:40) who’ll challenge, inspire, and stir up in them a deep thirst for knowledge and truth. (Proverbs 5:1-2) Protect my grandchildren from evil influences. (2 Timothy 2:22) Send godly friends who will build them up and point them to Jesus. (1 Thessalonians 5:11)Teach them to be kind, compassionate, and encouraging to others, as well. (Ephesians 4:32)

A is for Appetites

Lord, this world offers an endless array of junk (1 John 2:16-17) — some of it pure poison. (Romans 3:13) Cultivate in my grandchildren a taste for wholesome fare. (Psalm 34:8) Guard them against addiction to anything that would be detrimental to their physical, mental, or emotional health. (Titus 3:3-5) Help them make wise choices. (Proverbs 2:10-11) Teach them to hunger and thirst after righteousness. (Matthew 5:6) Nourish them with physical and spiritual food (John 4:32-34) that will help them grow in wisdom, in stature, and in favor with God and man. (Luke 2:52)

N is for Needs

God, help my grandchildren look to You to supply all their needs according to Your riches in glory in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:19) Give them neither poverty nor riches. (Proverbs 30:8) Feed them with the bread that is their portion, (Matthew 6:11) so they’ll have neither too much and deny You nor too little and dishonor You. (Proverbs 30:9) Instead, develop in them a heart of contentment. (1 Timothy 6:6; Philippians 4:11-12) Teach them perseverence. (James 1:4) Finish in them the work you began, so they will be mature and complete, (Philippians 1:6) lacking in nothing. (Psalm 23:1)

D is for Discernment

Grant my grandchildren a spirit of discernment, Lord. (Romans 12:2; Proverbs 1:5) Keep them humble (Psalm 25:9-10) and teachable, yet wise beyond their years. (Psalm 119:98-100) Teach them to trust in You with all their hearts, rather than pridefully leaning on their own understanding. (Proverbs 3:5) Do not let them walk in the counsel of the ungodly, nor stand in the way of sinners, nor sit in the seat of scorners, (Psalm 1:1-2) but may they delight, instead, in Your precious Word and weigh everything they hear (Acts 17:11) against its unchanging truth. (Hebrews 4:12)

S is for Safety

Father, protect my grandchildren from harm. (Psalm 121:7) Stand watch over them. (Psalm 127:1) May they lie down and sleep in peace, knowing that You alone make them dwell in safety. (Psalm 4:8) Do not allow them adopt a spirit of timidity or fear (2 Timothy 1:7), but make them strong in spirit. (Ephesians 6:10) Help them to boldly speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15), demonstrating a sound mind, exercising self-control, freely forgiving offenders (Ephesians 4:32), praying for those who malign or mistreat them, and extending grace to all. (Luke 6:27-28; Romans 12:14

I designed a printable copy of this acrostic prayer. To download a free copy, just click on the link below:

Yes! I’m ready to pray!

The post Praying for My Grandchildren appeared first on Loving Life at Home.

Parents, Stop Being So Sneaky

Have you ever noticed how sneaky parents can be when it comes to doing the deed that made them parents in the first place?

They wait until the kids are asleep and the house is all quiet or everyone’s away for the weekend. Whatever it takes to avoid suspicion that Mom and Dad do, in fact, still have a sex life.

That’s because none of us want what happened to Kelly Ripa last week to happen to us.

The popular talk show host was mortified when her adult daughter popped the bedroom door open early Sunday morning and found her parents celebrating Father’s Day a little early.

And this, despite the fact the family was entertaining houseguests at the time.

Some fans rolled their eyes and suggested Ripa and her husband need a lock for their bedroom door.

But I say, Brava for a woman who has her priorities straight!

Put the Incident in Context

Which is worse? For a teen to glimpse proof that her parents still love each other? Or for her to grow up under the impression that being married means living a life of celibacy?

I can almost guarantee Ripa’s 18-year-old daughter has seen more flesh in movies and TV shows or on beaches and billboards than she spotted when she accidentally walked in on her parents, who were undoubtedly scrambling for cover the moment they heard the door crack.

As for locks preventing such embarrassing situations, I can attest from experience that locks sometimes fail. It’s rare, but it has been known to happen.

That was the case at our house a few years ago when our adult children came home for the holidays. My husband and I got up at 5 AM to do a little early morning celebrating ourselves on Christmas Eve.

Like Ripa’s family, we had a few houseguests at the time. But not a creature was stirring in those pre-dawn hours, so we thought we’d be in the clear.

No sooner had we gotten down to business than we heard a knock at our bedroom door. “Who is it?” my husband called in a whispered voice, a question our 23-year-old son mistook for “Come in.” So he did.

Doing What Married Couples are Meant to Do

As is our habit, we had flipped the trusty latch on our bedroom door beforehand. These flip-locks are the first things I install whenever we move to a new house. We like the fact we can tell from across the room whether the door is locked or not. The little brass hinges have served us well for over three decades now.

Unfortunately, the lack of light in our bedroom that morning kept us from noticing that the locking mechanism wasn’t properly engaged. So when our son leaned into the door, it immediately gave way.

My husband and I yelped in surprise when the door popped open and sought refuge beneath our quilts.

In the dim light, it’s unlikely our son spotted anything too disturbing. As a fourth-year medical student in the middle of his clinical rotations, he’d already examined far more naked bodies far more closely than he glimpsed ours in the 1.5 seconds we were exposed.

But it was embarrassing, nonetheless.

And the experience prompted me to tuck an extra gift into my husband’s Christmas stocking the following morning. An insurance policy of sorts.

I wanted to make sure that never happens again, so I painted a door hanger to forewarn future intruders. It reads simply: “Please do not disturb. Mom & Dad are at it again.”

5 Advantages to Being Candid about Your Love Life

Perhaps you think it crass to let your children know what goes on behind closed doors. But consider the benefits we’ve enjoyed as a result of being more candid about such matters with ours:

It allows for greater spontaneity

No more sneaking around so nobody will know what you and your spouse are up to. With one of our handy signs, the two of you can retire to the privacy of your bedroom whenever the mood hits, and your children will know to leave you alone.

It nurtures marriage relationship

Don’t let your marriage languish from neglect. It requires time and intentionality to nourish your relationship to your spouse properly. A “Do Not Disturb” sign can help you carve out time to reconnect regularly.

It maximizes energy reserves

Lock that bedroom door while you still have the strength to do something behind it. Waiting for the kids to fall asleep is not a sustainable strategy. The older they get, the later they stay up. Even if you’re able to outlast them, once they finally do turn in, you’ll be too exhausted to do anything but go to sleep yourself.

It minimizes feelings of resentment

Never make your mate compete with your children for your affection. Focusing on your kids 100% of the time isn’t good for anybody. So hang a sign on your door, throw the latch, and give your spouse a daily dose of your undivided attention.

It encourages kids to wait for marriage

I want the kind of marriage that makes my children want to get married themselves. The kind of happy, loving, mutually supportive relationship that convinces them sex really is worth waiting for — because it is.

Study after study has shown that married, religiously devout couples have the most frequent and satisfying sex. That has certainly been true for us. Why would we hide that fact from our children?

So, parents, are your ready to stop being sneaky? One of the best things you can do for your children is to let them know how much you love them and love one another… then lock them out of the bedroom to prove it.

Would you like a “Do Not Disturb” sign to hang on your own door? We have ten different printable designs to choose from. Get yours FREE by clicking this link:

Yes! Send me mine now!

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6 Parenting Mistakes That Will Handicap Your Child

Like most mothers, I love my children dearly and want the very best for them in life. I want to nurture and protect them. I want to fill their childhood with wonderful opportunities to learn and grow and create lasting memories.


As parents, those things are all just part of our job description.

But if we aren’t careful, our mother-love can become smother-love. Sometimes we do things trying to help our kids out that end up holding them back instead.

Countless habits fall into this category, but I can think of six that are fairly common. If you want to sabotage your child’s future success, here’s a good way to go about it:

Parenting Mistakes that will Handicap your Child


Not requiring them to do chores

Want your kids to develop a strong work ethic, learn time management skills, and be better prepared for life? Assign age-appropriate chores.

Have them make their beds, keep bedrooms tidy, clear dinner dishes, and help fold laundry. As they get older, they can pitch in with other household chores and lawn work, as well.

Train them to do their work competently, consistently, and cheerfully. Such traits lay a foundation for future success, regardless what field of work they choose.

Making excuses for misbehavior

True, sometimes junior is cranky because he’s tired. But if he hears you make that excuse often enough, he’ll start to view his tired, cranky feelings as a free pass to behave badly. And that’s not good for anybody.

If missing naps or eating sugar or playing video games or taking tests or hitting puberty or having to sit still for long periods of time makes it difficult for your child to behave properly, then by all means take such considerations into account when drafting schedules, menus, and vacation plans.

But don’t use less-than-ideal circumstances to justify misbehavior, in your own mind or in the mind of your child.

Instead, teach your children to be courteous and kind, whether they feel like it or not. Don’t tolerate hateful, unruly, obnoxious behavior, as it will only serve to make your kids and everyone around them miserable.

Over-reliance on electronic devices for entertainment

Have you ever noticed how still the house gets when your kids are watching TV or playing a video game or surfing the Internet or are otherwise engaged with computers and smart phones? As a parent, I understand how tempting it is to use screen time to purchase a couple of hours of peace and quiet.

But when screen time becomes the rule rather than the exception, some scary things start to happen. Interpersonal skills suffer. Brains get rewired. Creativity dwindles. Attention spans shorten. Family time disappears.

If we aren’t careful, our kids will fritter away their entire childhood staring at screens. We can’t let that happen. The majority of screen time would be better spent reading books, riding bikes, building forts, drawing pictures, making friends, and playing in the fresh air and sunshine.

Do your kids (and yourself!) a favor and set some reasonable boundaries when it comes to using technological devices.

Rescuing your child from consequences of bad decisions

Did your young scholar wait until the last minute to start a science project? If you stay up half the night doing the work yourself, you will rob your child of the opportunity to learn an important life lesson while stakes are still low.

Not to mention the fact that by rewarding your child’s procrastination, you’ve removed any incentive for her to do better next time.

To the extent you can let your child suffer natural consequences without risking life or limb to do so, do so. If she neglects her chores, let her miss playtime to finish. If she loses a library book, let her buy the replacement. If she spills the milk, let her help clean it up.

You’ll develop in her a sense of personal responsibility and will drive home the idea that her actions (and inactions) have consequences.

Overscheduling to the exclusion of free time

Avoid the temptation to schedule every minute of your child’s life. Between school and extra-curricular activities – including sports practices, music lessons, dance classes, gym memberships, scout meetings, and church programs – many kids barely have a moment to call their own.

Children need downtime, just like parents. They need time to think, to dream, to explore, to dig deeper into topics that interest them. Give them some unstructured time, free from outside commitments, to pursue some of those screen-free activities mentioned above.

Neglecting your marriage

Sometimes moms expend so much time and thought and energy taking care of their children that they have nothing left to give their husbands. This is not sustainable. When your marriage suffers, so do your kids.

Children thrive most readily when they’re raised in a stable home with two parents who love them and love one another. So… don’t make your spouse compete with the kids for your attention. Nurture your marriage. Do fun things as a couple. Connect with one another on a regular (preferably daily) basis.

Doing this will model what a healthy, happy marriage looks like. But it will also demonstrate another important lesson: that the entire world does not revolve around your child. The sooner our kids understand that fact, the better.

I will be the first to admit that I’ve made lots of mistakes in my 30+ years of parenting. At one time or other, I’ve committed all six faux pas listed above.

Perhaps you have, too.

But by God’s grace, we can learn from our past mistakes. And we can make sure none of them become a habit.

The post 6 Parenting Mistakes That Will Handicap Your Child appeared first on Loving Life at Home.

How to Get from Stressed to Blessed

Anxiety. Stress. Overwhelm. These feelings have become ubiquitous for many modern day men and women. But Jesus never intended us to live such over burdened, distracted, chaotic lives. He said:

“Come unto Me, all you who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28)
“I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.” (John 10:10)

“These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation, but be of good cheer, for I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)

God calls us to exchange our panic for peace, our burdens for blessings, our chaos for calm.

Do You Feel Stressed or Blessed?

People under stress often live crisis to crisis, driven by the tyranny of the urgent. They never feel like they have enough time, money, strength, wisdom, energy, or other necessary resources to accomplish everything they need to do.

The stressed feel constantly behind, which is why they tend to burn the candle at both ends. They’re often harried by worry, anxiety, depression, and feelings of regret. Stress can also give rise to panic attacks.

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By contrast, living a blessed life means living with vision, intentionality, and a clarity of purpose. It means being completely devoted to God, casting your cares at the foot of the cross, and trusting Him to supply all your needs as you rest on His promises, perfectly at peace.

God’s blessing allows you live a joyous life of overflowing abundance. The blessed learn to balance life’s hardships with the knowledge that God is working through our trials to mold and mature us.

Where can I get me some of that?

The Bible paints a beautiful picture of what being blessed by God looks like. The books of Psalms and Proverbs are full of such descriptions. But Jesus summed it up this way:

“Blessed are those who hear God’s word and obey it!” (Luke 11:28)

The key to stress-free living? Obedience to God.

There is undoubtedly a spiritual correlation between submitting to God and receiving His blessing. But there is also a physiological basis that connects our stress-levels to how faithfully we follow Scripture.

When our bodies are stressed, they release a hormone called cortisol, also known as the fight-or-flight hormone. When we are at peace, our cortisol levels drop.

Science has identified many things that cause a spike in our cortisol levels. These include worry, anxiety, anger, fear, hopelessness, despair, and isolation.

Interestingly, the Bible contains explicit commands against every one of these things.

Things that elevate cortisol (& what the Bible says about them):


Worry

“Do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear.” (Luke 12:22)

“Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Today has enough trouble of its own.” (Matthew 6:34)

Anxiety

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.” (Philippians 4:6)

“Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.” (1 Peter 5:7)

Anger

“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.” (Ephesians 4:31)

“Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteousness that God desires.” (James 1:19-20)

Fear

“Fear not; for I am with you: be not dismayed; for I am your God: I will strengthen you; yea, I will help you; yea, I will uphold you with the right hand of my righteousness.” (Isaiah 41:10)

“For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” (2 Timothy 1:7)

Hopelessness

“Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.” (Hebrews 10:23)

“…put your hope in the LORD, for with the LORD is unfailing love and with him is full redemption.” (Psalm 130:7)

Despair

“Why are you in despair, O my soul? And why have you become disturbed within me? Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him For the help of His presence.” (Psalm 42:5)

Isolation

“Let us not give up the habit of meeting together, as some are doing. Instead, let us encourage one another all the more, since you see that the Day of the Lord is coming nearer.” (Hebrews 10:25)

All the above activities elevate cortisol. But by taking the opposite tack, we can actually lower our cortisol levels. Significantly.

And by now it should come as no surprise that every item on the stress-reducing list is something God has commanded believers to do anyway.

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Activities that lower cortisol (along with Biblical endorsements):


Prayer

“Pray without ceasing.” (1 Thessalonians 5:17)

“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” (Romans 12:12)

Music

“Sing praises to God, sing praises; sing praises to our King, sing praises.” (Psalm 47:6)

“Sing to the LORD a new song; sing to the LORD, all the earth. Sing to the LORD, praise His name; proclaim His salvation day after day.” (Psalm 96:1)

Meditation

“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is fair, whatever is pure, whatever is acceptable, whatever is commendable, if there is anything of excellence and if there is anything praiseworthy—keep thinking about these things.” (Philippians 4:8)

“Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth.” (Colossians 3:2)

Laughter

“A joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones.” (Proverbs 17:22)

“He will yet fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy.” (Job 8:21)

Care Giving

“Bear one another’s burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ.” (Galatians 6:2)

“…serve one another in love.” (Galatians 5:13)


Faith

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;” (Proverbs 3:5)

“And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.” (Hebrews 11:6)

Loving Touch

“All the brethren greet you. Greet one another with a holy kiss.” (1 Corinthians 16:20)

“Greet all God’s people with a holy kiss.” (1 Thessalonians 5:26)

It’s all a matter of perspective.

Trusting God changes us. It changes our heart, renews our mind, and restores our fellowship with Him. It frees us from sin and equips us for service and changes the lens through which we view life.

Still, Jesus warned, “In the world, you will have tribulation.” It’s not a question of “if” but “when.”

While the circumstances in which we find ourselves don’t necessarily change when we come to faith, our perspective certainly does. And so do our tools for dealing with those circumstances. Because God offers us an inexhaustible supply of strength and grace and wisdom for dealing with stress-inducing situations we encounter in life.

“And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:9)
“If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” (James 1:5)
“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:13)
“And He has said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.'” (2 Corinthians 12:9)

When we’re drowning in the ocean, far from shore and sinking fast, Jesus is our lifeboat. As long as we remain in Him, the waves that once threatened to swallow us up and pull us under will now carry us swiftly in the exact direction He wants us to go.

That’s why James tell us to “Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials…” (James 1:2-3) Because our new perspective has shown us “that the testing of [our] faith produces endurance.”

So… will you live a stressed life or a blessed life? Thanks to God’s amazing design, you get to choose.

The post How to Get from Stressed to Blessed appeared first on Loving Life at Home.

A House Blessing (Free Printable)

If you’ve read this blog for long, you know I’m a firm believer in the power of prayer, so today I’m sharing a house blessing.

Our family has moved many times over the years, and we cover the entire process with prayer every time. And when we built a house from the ground up back in 2003, we built it on our knees.

Every step of the way, we prayed God would make our home a light on the hill. That His love would shine from the heart of every member of our family out through every window and door.

We knew that…

“Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it.” (Psalm 127:1)

That’s why we prayed for His blessing when the foundations were laid. We wrote verses of Scripture on the studs when our house was framed. We committed it to the Lord as the finishing touches were applied. And we relied on God’s abundant provision of strength and energy when the time finally came to move in.

Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

We’ve prayed these same prayers over every home we’ve ever lived in, before or since. Whether big or small. Near or far. Owning, renting, or assigned by the army.

So I thought it was high time I made a free printable of this “House Blessing” to add to my prayer guide collection.

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A Blessing to Pray over Your House:

Lord, we lift up this house and all the people who live in it. We ask You to pour out Your richest blessings upon this place and make it:

Happy & Humble

We pray You would satisfy the inhabitants of this house with Your unfailing love and unending joy. Keep them close as they draw near to You in humility. Fill the rooms of this home with every good & perfect gift. (Psalm 90:14; James 4:8, 1:7; Proverbs 24:4)

Open to Others

May guests in this house feel warm and welcome. Bless the family members as they extend hospitality, serving others in love. Help them do the necessary work cheerfully & unto the Lord, as if entertaining angels. (1 Peter 4:9-10; Colossians 3:23; Hebrews 13:2)

Understanding & Uplifting

Crown all who live in this home with wisdom & an uncommon depth of understanding. May the speech heard between these walls lift all eyes to You. May Your name be honored & glorified in every thought, word, & deed. (Job 28:28; James 1:5; Proverbs 9:10; 1 Corinthians 10:31)

Safe & Secure

Lord, we know that unless You guard this house, the guards stand watch in vain. So we pray You would fortify its inhabitants against every threat, both from within and without. Build a hedge of protection around them & keep them in Your loving care. (Psalm 127:1, 64:1-5)

Encouraging to Everyone

Make this home a refuge of peace. May everybody who spends time here come away feeling refreshed and built up. May their hearts be equipped and encouraged. Renew their strength so that, both collectively & individually, they may run with endurance the race you’ve set before them. (Isaiah 32:18, 40:31; 1 Thessalonians 5:11; Hebrews 12:1)

In my opinion, the most valuable tools for making your home everything God meant it to be is a vibrant prayer life and a well-worn Bible faithfully put into action.

But I also love reading practical tips and wisdom from other authors who are experienced in the art of homemaking. And I would be remiss if I didn’t tell you about one of my all-time favorite collections of resources: The Ultimate Homemaking Bundle.

It is packed with wonderful ebooks, courses, charts, printables, and physical bonuses all relating to topics like marriage, parenting, housekeeping, organization, homeschooling, and self-care. It’s a $2,294 value for only $29.97.

Unfortunately, the sale ends at midnight TONIGHT. (Sorry for the late notice)

So if you are at all interested, you need to check it out now, before it’s too late. Yes, I want one!

In the meantime, I hope you will enjoy and use this new printable. And may the Lord Jesus Christ bless your home and every person in it with all the riches of His grace!

The post A House Blessing (Free Printable) appeared first on Loving Life at Home.

The Wrong Way to Propose Marriage

My husband and I met in college, 33 years ago this month. He strolled into my life about two weeks before graduation and swept me completely off my feet.

Which was impeccable timing, given that my father had informed me I wouldn’t be allowed to marry until I’d earned my bachelor’s degree. And I was bound and determined to get an MRS degree while I was at it.

As a math major, I took some fairly rigorous classes: differential equations, abstract algebra, number theory, Euclidean proofs. Even the electives I chose were challenging: Greek, hermeneutics, pathophysiology, and the like.

Despite the fact I was the only girl in the vast majority of these courses, finding Mr. Right proved difficult. My reputation preceded me. Frustratingly few of my classmates seemed keen on dating a nearly-six-foot tall freckled redhead. Especially one whose stated life goal was to have and homeschool a houseful of kids.

Complete Disinterest

Even so, my husband was not actually the first person ever to ask for my hand in marriage. Technically, that distinction goes to another college chum of mine. One I’d known for nearly three years, spent most of my spare time with (before meeting Doug), and loved like a brother.

That friend began his marriage proposal with this showstopper: “Jennifer, I’ve never found you the least bit attractive, but….” He hurried on to explain that he’d lately become convicted I was the kind of girl he ought to marry.

I suppose I should’ve felt flattered. Being “the kind of girl a guy ought to marry” is high praise, indeed.

But I found myself fixating instead on Prince Charming’s introductory remarks. To my sensitive ears, they sounded something like this: Jennifer, I’m repulsed by the very sight of you. But I’m willing to choke down my vomit long enough to exchange vows at the altar.

“So I prayed that God would give me an unquenchable love for you,” my friend continued. “And that’s exactly what He’s done, so… how about getting married?”

“You should’ve prayed God would do the same for me,” I countered, “because the love I feel for you is brotherly, not matrimonial.” (Did you know in Greek there’s a completely different word for each kind of love?)

Irresistible Simplicity

Many men pour a lot of thought into how they’ll pop the question to their beloved.

My husband and I have sat on the sidelines now for five of our own sons’ marriage proposals. Proposals that included such painstakingly planned details as candlelight dinners, secluded picnics, sunset strolls along the shore, blindfolded visits to rose gardens, exploding boxes, treetop kisses, hidden photographers, helicopter rides, and heartfelt declarations of everlasting love.

My dear Doug’s proposal was not nearly so flashy as all that. Instead, he took a knee in his grandparents’ living room. Nanny and Poppie were right there, critiquing as he went, insisting he back up and start again at several key points.

Even without their clever coaching, Doug’s words were music to my ears.

Of course, this was long before Pinterest or YouTube, so my engagement expectations weren’t unrealistically high to begin with. But my other friend’s bungling attempt lowered the bar in my mind even further as to what constitutes a good proposal.

To me, the most notable difference between the two was the sense of yearning that accompanied the request. If there’s an opposite of choking down vomit, that’s what I saw in Doug’s eyes when he looked at me that evening. What I still see when he looks at me today.

Unwavering Commitment

Even more importantly, he backed up his yearning with whole-hearted commitment. This commitment, this sense of determination, this willingness to put my needs ahead of his own is driven by yet another kind of love (one with yet another Greek word to identify it).

It’s this kind of committed, self-sacrificing love – together with the God who exemplifies and supplies it – that has kept us happily married for over three decades now. It fortifies Doug’s love for me (and mine for him) even when life gets hard or money gets tight or health goes south or schedules get crazy or either/both of us feel momentarily angry or annoyed.

When it comes to elaborate engagements and fairytale weddings, my husband and I discovered early on that endings matter more than beginnings. How you start your life together isn’t nearly as important as how you finish.

So stay committed. Love selflessly. Forgive freely. Finish strong. Thanks to God’s enabling grace, it isn’t too late to live happily ever after.

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