Jennifer Flanders's Blog, page 17

Learn to Speak Your Spouse’s Love Language

My husband loves conversation hearts. By which I mean, he actually enjoys the taste of them. He seldom pauses to admire their pretty pastel colors or cute, chunky shape. Nor does he normally bother to read what they say. He just downs them by the handful, crunching them between his teeth with a boyish grin on his lips.

As soon as he spots these ubiquitous Valentine treats at the grocery store in mid-January, he buys them by the bagful. If he finds conversation hearts on the clearance aisle after Valentine’s Day is over, he cleans them out. Such confections are only available a couple of months of the year, so he likes to stock up while he can.

But Doug rarely buys any conversation hearts for me.

For me, he gets chocolate. Chocolate with nuts. Chocolate with toffee or peanut butter. Even chocolate with coconut, which he detests, but I relish.

That’s because my husband knows how to speak my love language.

Discovering Your Spouse’s Love Language

In his groundbreaking marriage book, The 5 Love Languages, Gary Chapman identifies five basic ways individuals give and receive love. These include words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch.

(Yes, I realize “chocolate” is not actually on this list. It should be. That was obviously an oversight on the author’s part.)

Order The 5 Love Languages Today

The 5 Love Languages has been a New York Times bestseller for ten years running. I highly recommend it. The book has sold over 12 million copies, and for good reason. Chapman calls these love languages “the secret to lasting love.”

After enjoying more than three decades of happy marriage ourselves, my husband and I have learned a thing or two about effective, loving communication. Here are a few things to remember as you’re learning to speak your lover’s language.

Mastering Your Spouse’s Love Language


Practice regularly

As a military brat, my husband spent his early childhood in Turkey. Consequently, he learned to speak Turkish and English simultaneously. Once his family moved back to the States, however, English was the only language he ever heard or used.

Without regular practice, his Turkish was completely lost. These days, Doug couldn’t even count to ten in Turkish without considerable cramming beforehand.

The same thing is true for love languages. Once you identify your spouse’s love language, you need to put that knowledge to good use. Practice, practice, practice. Without consistent use, you may forget how to communicate in that language altogether.

Ask clarifying questions

For the first 20 years of our marriage, every time I cut a tomato, I gave my husband the juicy, center slices and ate the dry, mealy ends myself. I did this as an act of love — giving him my favorite part while I choked down the less desirable portions, like some kind of culinary martyr.

Then one day, I noticed a thick, ripe, mouthwatering slab of homegrown tomato lying untouched on the edge of my husband’s plate. Thinking perhaps he was too full to finish it, I asked if I might eat it.

“Sure,” Doug answered, “I don’t really like tomatoes when they’re all gooey in the middle like that. I prefer the end slices.”

In other words, for two full decades, my husband had silently entertained the opinion that I was selfishly hogging the choicest part of the tomato and feeding him the scraps, even as I was intentionally trying to do the exact opposite!

The point? Don’t make assumptions. Don’t presume your spouse’s likes and dislikes necessarily align with your own. If you aren’t sure about your partner’s preferences, ask. Otherwise, your best guesses may make you both miss out on something marvelous.

Get outside help as needed

Some people have brains that are wired for language acquisition. They are fluent in more tongues than you can count and seem able to add to that number almost effortlessly.

Other people flounder through high school French, barely passing their vocabulary quizzes. If it weren’t for tutors, language tapes, and learning apps, they’d have flunked out completely. But with the extra help, at least they’re able to exchange niceties (Bonjour!). Or order from a menu (Crêpes, s’il vous plaît). Or ask directions to the bathroom (Où est la toilette?).

Similarly, if you have trouble getting on the same wavelength as your spouse, don’t be afraid to get outside help. Attend a marriage retreat. Read some good books on the topic (like the ones mentioned in this article). Find a happily married mentor. Talk to a trusted Christian counselor.

There is no such thing as a static marriage. You are either growing closer or drifting apart. So be proactive about investing in your relationship and building it up every way you can, including learning to speak your spouse’s love language well.

Study the local dialect

Accents vary from one region of the country to another — a Bostonian’s speech bears little resemblance to a Southerner’s drawl, even though both are (presumably) speaking English. So, too, love languages vary from one couple, one marriage, one household to the next. You may sometimes even notice a slight shift from one day to the next.

For instance, Doug knows that I love chocolate and would welcome a fudge-filled surprise from him anytime. Unless, of course, I’ve lately sworn off sweets in a concerted effort to “get in shape.” In which case, he should not even consider bringing chocolate into the house.

(I like to keep him on his toes like that.)

Likewise, I know my husband loves physical touch. So I do my best to provide generous daily doses. But whenever Doug is actively eating pizza, I give him space. Because I learned many, many years ago that it freaks him out for me to touch him when his hands are greasy, even if my hands are clean.

(Right back at you, Sweetheart.)

So study your mate. Learn what makes him tick. Make note of circumstantial changes. Look for seasonal shifts. And adapt accordingly.

Expand your vocabulary

Did you made an “A” in the conversational Spanish class you took as a Freshman? Congratulations. My guess is, if you ever hope to have a deep and meaningful conversation en Español, you’ll need to command a few more words than you learned in that introductory level course.

The same thing is true for communicating in your spouse’s love language. Is his love language quality time? Quality time can mean long conversations over candlelight dinners, but it should encompass so much more than that.

Run errands together. Pursue a new hobby together. Do chores around the house shoulder-to-shoulder. Take dance lessons, get your scuba diving certification, or attend a cooking class together. Join forces to show hospitality, to volunteer at the local soup kitchen, to coach your kids’ soccer practice. The common thread through all these activities is that you’re doing them as a team. Side-by-side. Together.

Is your spouse’s love language physical touch? Then prioritize your sex life. (For an in-depth look at the benefits you’ll reap by doing so, read my book, Love Your Husband/Love Yourself: Embracing God’s Purpose for Passion in Marriage.

But don’t stop there. Expand your repertoire to include other kinds of touching, as well. Hold hands, slow dance, take long, hot baths together. Walk arm-in-arm. Cuddle and spoon. Give your spouse a full-body massage. A pat on the back. A playful pinch on the bottom. Scratch his scalp. Kiss his lips. Rest your head on his shoulder. Do a little passionate necking. Squeeze his muscles admiringly. And hug him every chance you get.

Aim for fluency

The longer and more regularly you speak a new language, the more fluent you become. When you’re first learning, it is easy to make mistakes. If you throw up your hands and quit the first (or tenth or twentieth) time you try to say something and are misunderstood, you will never gain mastery.

The same is true when it comes to forging a love that lasts. If your initial efforts to speak your spouse’s love language fall flat, don’t give up. Keep on trying. Study. Learn. Ask questions. The more you practice, the more fluent you’ll become, and the more happiness and satisfaction you will enjoy in your marriage.


Deciphering Your Spouse’s Love Language

My family recently took a Mediterranean cruise. We were among only a handful of Americans on the ship. Consequently, we found ourselves surrounded by people who spoke tongues that were foreign to us.

We made friends with a few of them, despite the language barriers. The Italian couple who shared the table next to ours at dinner every night spoke only broken English, but were fluent in German. My German is very rusty, but I managed to haltingly answer a few of the curious questions they asked about our family.

I explained that my husband and I have been married 32 years. And that we have 12 children: Ich bin… mit mein Mann… fur zweiunddreißig Jahren. Wir haben… zwölf Kindern…

They answered back enthusiastically, though I caught only every third word and had to ask them to repeat a few statements. Assuming I understood them clearly, they told us our children are beautiful (“schön”) and very well-mannered (“sehr höflich”) and that Doug and I look much too young (“zu jung”) to have so many.

I was happy to hear such lovely compliments, even if they were spoken in a tongue with which I’m not completely comfortable. The fact I had to work to decipher what my new friends were saying in no way diminished the sincerity of their words. How petty and entitled it would’ve been for me to scorn their kind remarks, just because they weren’t offered in English!

So I leave you with this word of caution: Never discount love that’s expressed in a language that’s foreign to you. Such overtures are still heartfelt, still valuable, still packed with deep emotion.

If you can read a marriage book like 5 Love Languages as a way to better understand your husband, go for it. If it helps you improve upon your own ability to communicate your love for him in more meaningful ways, brava!

Glean as much as you can. Apply what you learn. Keep up the good work.

But if you find yourself scouring such titles with an accusatory eye, you’re heading for trouble. If Chapman’s words leave you feeling irritable and slighted because your husband is not yet fluent in your preferred language, you’d be better off leaving his book on the shelf. It was not, I think, the author’s intent for you to use his book as ammunition against your husband or as a prooftext for all the ways he’s failed to love you well.

Becoming Multi-Lingual

When it comes to love languages, I personally favor words of affirmation. And I like actions that back those words up, such as acts of service or quality time.

Receiving gifts is not my native tongue, and neither is physical touch.

As a newlywed bride, I was unappreciative of either. Much to my shame, I often acted downright disdainful and disgusted when my extremely generous, exuberantly affectionate new husband attempted to communicate his love to me in the ways that most resonated with him. I would’ve preferred for him to just tell me he loves me, then keep his hands to himself and his money in the bank (rather than spending it on gifts I didn’t need).

But thankfully. Thankfully. Thankfully, my husband didn’t give up. He kept on loving me in the best way he knew how, and God eventually convicted me that I needed to stop being so self-centered and receive my husband’s love in the same spirit it was offered. To accept it with genuine gratitude. To seek to understand and appreciate his way of communicating affection.

So now, when my husband brings home gifts, I do my best to welcome them with gladness. (And he’s learned to shop for bargains, as he knows I’ll be happier about a gift if I hear he got a good deal).

And do you know what else? Although I still love words of affirmation, I’ve really learned to delight in physical touch now, as well. So much so that I’d be hard-pressed to choose between the two.

Fortunately, I don’t have to choose.

My advice: Don’t box your mate into using only one language when communicating his love to you. There’s a benefit to becoming fluent in all five.

Or six, if you count chocolate.

And if ever your husband sorts through a package of conversation hearts and passes you one that reads “Love U 4ever,” don’t turn up your nose. Accept it with gratitude. Then find one that reads “Love U More,” place it in the palm of his hand, and whisper, “Right back at you, Sweetheart!”

The post Learn to Speak Your Spouse’s Love Language appeared first on Loving Life at Home.

This is Your Season to Shine

Have you ever noticed how much of life is spent transitioning from one season to the next?

I’m not just talking about spring to summer and summer to fall. I mean crawling to walking, then walking to running. Grade school to high school to college.

One day, you’re going on a first date; the next, you’re celebrating your first wedding anniversary. (Or tenth. Or thirtieth.) Today, you’re a busy soccer mom; tomorrow, an empty nester. One moment, you’re interviewing for a new job; the next, you’re planning your retirement.

Granted, some transitions are unwelcome: Financial reversals. Terminal diagnoses. Divorce proceedings. Few of us would willingly choose to walk through such difficulties if there were any way to avoid it.

Yet each season, whether happy or hard, has a common thread: God has a purpose and plan for bringing us through every one of them. He uses every joy to draw us closer to Himself. Every trial to make us more like Christ. Every stage of life to mature us, no matter how grueling or exhausting or mind-numbingly boring our circumstances may seem at the time.

Moreover, each new stage presents us with an opportunity. Every transition represents a season to SHINE.

How do we SHINE in the midst of change? The following five habits will help:

S = Set Goals/ Stay Focused

Don’t let transition periods knock you out of the game. Have you accomplished one goal? Set another. Does the goal you originally set seem impossible to reach under current conditions? Set a smaller goal or make adjustments.

The important thing is to stay focused and keep making forward progress. Let us do as Hebrews 12:1-2 admonishes: “…lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith.”

H = Honor God

Honoring God is not something you can tend to once a week – or even once a day – then mark off your to-do list. Honoring God is an all-encompassing mindset.

1 Corinthians 10:31 commands us, “Whether, then, you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.”

We need to make certain whatever goals we set for ourselves align with this first priority. God gives us a reason to burn brightly. Without Him, our season to SHINE becomes dark and meaningless.

I = Invest Wisely

Remember Jesus’s parable of the talents? The workers who invested what the master had entrusted to their care received even more in return. Those who buried their talents lost everything.

In the Bible, talents represented an amount of money, but the principle holds for every resource God gives us. Not only does He expect us to invest our money wisely, but our time, strength, abilities, brains, and artistic giftings, as well.

What do you have in your hand? Like the lad with the loaves and fishes, when we give those things back to God, He will multiply them. (see John 6:9-12) Our job is to be obedient, and leave the results to Him.

N = Nurture Relationships

Think about the people God has placed in your life: spouse, children, grandchildren, siblings, nieces, nephews, neighbors, friends, coworkers, fellow church members, acquaintances? How can you use whatever time you have with each of these people to nurture them, build them up, and point them to Jesus?

Hebrews 10:24 tells us to “consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds” and warns us not to stop “meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing,” but to encourage one another continually.

E = Endure to the End

The apostle Paul admonishes us in Galatians 6:9, “Let us not grow weary in doing good, for in due season we will reap if we don’t give up.”

And in 1 Corinthians 9:24, Paul writes, “Don’t you know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.”

Again with the running analogy. We’ve got to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Stay in the race. Pursue lasting results.

Graduation. Retirement. An empty nest. Those things aren’t finish lines. They’re just mile markers. Life, as they say, is a marathon.

Are you still alive? Living and breathing? Heart beating? If so, that means your race isn’t over yet. God still has work for you to do, whether that entails studying for exams, working 9-5, chauffeuring children to and fro – or something entirely new and different.

Regardless what stage of life you find yourself in at the moment, I pray you’ll recognize it for what it is: your season to SHINE.

Want a pretty, printable version of this post? You got it! Just click the image below to download. Put it in a prominent place to remind you to keep shining for God in whatever season you presently find yourself.

The post This is Your Season to Shine appeared first on Loving Life at Home.

My Top 10 Posts of 2019

It is always fun and instructive to look back in January at which posts were most popular the preceding year. So today, I’m pleased to present my Top 10 Posts of 2019.

This lists includes the top 5 written last year, plus the top 5 overall.

With a little analysis, I can better understand what is bringing visitors to my site. What are they searching for? What are they reading? And what kinds of things do they download from Loving Life at Home?

All of which will help me serve my readers more effectively in the future. Just read through this following list. I’m sure you’ll notice some of the same patterns.

My Top 10 Posts of 2019:
#10. How to Get from Stressed to Blessed

Today’s woman is under stress. This is true whether she is married, single, divorced or widowed. Whether she works for herself or for someone else, at home or in an office. Whether she’s childless or in the throes of parenting or facing an empty nest after decades of mothering.

Stress is ubiquitous. The question is, how does she deal with it? This post provides Biblical solutions for dealing with stress in healthy ways.

#9. Praying for My Grandchildren

Grandchildren are great! If you’ve reached that stage of life, you likely know how fleeting the formative years are. I’ve written elsewhere about connecting with grandchildren. But one of the best things grandparents can do for their grandchildren is to pray for them.

This handy prayer guide will help you do just that — whether your grandkids live across town or on the other side of the globe.

#8. 6 Parenting Mistakes that Will Handicap Your Child

It’s only natural for parents wish their children success in life. We want to raise kids that are capable and confident and compassionate. But sometimes the things we do to help our children end up hurting them instead.

Some parental mistakes can actually handicap a child. You may not see the damage today or tomorrow, but you will in the long run. So if you’re guilty of any of these 6 common practices, you’ll need to mend your ways. Quick! Before you do any permanent damage.

#7. A House Blessing

The Bible tells us, “Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it.” (Psalm 127:1) That’s why my husband and I pray the same prayers over every home we’ve ever lived in. Whether big or small. Near or far. Owning, renting, or assigned by the army.

We pray that God would make our home a light on the hill. That His love would shine from the heart of every member of our family out through every window and door. And that He would make our home a peaceful place of refuge for everyone who enters it.

All our prayers for our home are summed up in our pretty printable House Blessing. Download your free copy today.

#6. Parents, Stop Being So Sneaky

One of the best things parents can do for their children is to let them know how much Mom and Dad love one another… then lock them out of the bedroom to prove it.

For best results, be sure to lock the door while you still have the strength to do something behind it. Waiting for the kids to fall asleep is not a sustainable strategy. The older they get, the later they stay up. Even if you’re able to outlast them, once they finally do turn in, you’ll be too exhausted to do anything but go to sleep yourself.

Instead, download our free printable “Do Not Disturb” signs. When they spot one of these things hanging on your doorknob, your teens will likely give you all the privacy you need. Ha!

#5. Pray for Your Children from Head to Toe

Although I didn’t mention it in that last article, I believe one of the biggest mistakes a parent can make is trying to raise their children apart from God’s sustaining grace. Prayer is vital to parenting. As a mother, prayer is my life-blood.

This free printable prayer guide will help you pray for your children from head to toe. Use it to cover every inch of your children in prayer.

#4. Praying Boldly for Myself

Not only do our children need prayer, but we need prayer ourselves. There is nothing selfish or improper about asking God to give you the strength and grace and wisdom you need to live life in a way that honors Him.

This Praying for Myself prayer guide covers six areas that I repeatedly need to bring under submission to God. It serves as a daily reminder that I shouldn’t be living for myself, but for Him.

#3. Pray for Your Husband from Head to Toe

Continuing that theme, we also offer a free printable to help you pray for your husband from head to toe. This one makes my top ten posts list every year. The thought of so many wives lifting their men up in prayer warms my heart!

#2. Should a Married Woman have Male Friends?

Any woman — married or unmarried — who lives or works in modern society will from time to time need to interact with people of the opposite sex. And these interactions will hopefully be characterized by kindness and respect. But such casual acquaintances are not what this post is talking about.

The purpose of this post is to address the question, should a married woman maintain intimate friendships with men other than her husband? The fact that it gets so much traffic makes me think this is an issue in a lot of marriages. (Incidentally, my husband has written on a similar topic: Husbands, Be Careful with Female Friendships)

#1. 25 Ways to Communicate Respect

My number one post for 2019 was a post I wrote nearly eight years ago: 25 Ways to Communicate Respect to Your Husband. It has garnered well over a million shares on social media and vies neck and neck for my top post of all time (second only to 5 Must Read Books for Women who Think, which — interestingly — didn’t make my top 10 posts at all in 2019).

The fact that these two posts are my most popular underscores a difficult quandary for a lot women: How do I reconcile deferring to my husband with thinking for myself? The surprising answer: these activities are not mutually exclusive! Read the post to discover 25 ways one very independent thinker (moi) willingly and happily chooses to communicate respect to her husband.

And that’s a wrap for 2019’s most popular posts. Did you notice the patterns?

20% of my top posts deal with personal devotion
30% of the posts deal with parenting
40% are on the topic of marriage
50% are about prayer
And a full 70% of my top 10 posts for 2019 include a free printable

So, guess what? You can expect more of the same in 2020: Lots of marriage and mothering encouragement. More on prayer and personal devotion. And as many beautifully helpful, Bible-based printables as I can muster! Hope you’ll join me for all this and more in 2020!

The post My Top 10 Posts of 2019 appeared first on Loving Life at Home.

Don’t Ditch Your New Year’s Resolutions Yet!

Photo by Estée Janssens on Unsplash

Did you make any New Year’s Resolutions this year? How’s it going? Are you sticking with the plan? Or have you already abandoned the idea completely?

A couple weeks into January, the majority of people are ready to give up. Actually achieving New Year’s goals requires uncommon grit. Researchers put the number of resolution-makers who succeed at a scant eight percent.

Giving up is so common, in fact, that we even have a day dedicated to throwing in the towel: Ditch Your New Year’s Resolutions Day. It’s January 17. That’s today!

Yet giving up would be a mistake.

You had good reasons for wanting to make positive changes in the New Year. Don’t lose sight of them. And don’t base your continued efforts on sustaining a success streak free from slip-ups.

Maintaining a flawless record is not what’s most important. If any of us were capable of doing that, we wouldn’t need Jesus. The important thing is to get up, dust ourselves off, and try again when we fail. Hop back on the wagon. Remount the horse. Step up to the plate.

All by the empowering grace of God.

Practice doesn’t make perfect. But practice does make progress, as one wise person observed. It’s all about incremental improvements: Little by little. Inch by inch. Step by step.

So keep chipping away at those new habits you want to establish, regardless what kind of track record you’ve maintained thus far. Keep turning away from the bad habits you want to break, even if you occasionally goof up. One missed day — or a whole week of missed days — is no reason to ditch your New Year’s resolutions completely.

Keep On Keeping On

The more you practice these things, the more ingrained they’ll become into your routines. And eventually, they’ll seem second nature.

Some of the resolutions I used to make annually have become so much a part of who I am, I don’t even have to think about them anymore. In my twenties, getting up early, making my bed, and reading my Bible every morning required a tremendous amount of effort and determination. In my fifties, I couldn’t sleep in if I wanted to.

My goal these days is to maintain the good habits I’ve formed in the past as I work on additional goals for the future. On my list this year? Exercise 5 days/week. Eat more plants and less sugar. Floss faithfully. Memorize more scripture. Enjoy tech-free Sundays. Give my kids and grandkids more of the undivided attention they crave.

If you’re ready to keep working on your own goals instead of throwing up your hands in defeat, try the following tips:

6 Secrets to Nailing your New Year’s Resolutions


Make it easy to succeed

The more convenient you make your resolutions, the more likely you’ll be to keep them.

For instance, in addition to flossing, I want to be more consistent about taking my vitamins and rinsing with mouthwash. To ensure success, I put the Listerine in a tilt-to-pour oil dispenser and store my flossers and vitamins in decorative jars with lift-off lids right next to the sink. Not only does that make everything easy to access, but also provides a pretty visual reminder of my intent.

Narrow your focus

Tackle only a handful of habits at a time. It’s better to make consistent progress on a few than to burn out trying to change everything at once.

My daughter Rachel came up with a fun way of doing this. She made a resolution box this year. She wrote down everything she wants to work on – one item per slip of paper – and tucked them into the box. Every morning, she draws out a “resolution” and makes that her focus for the day.

Break your goals down

Don’t let the magnitude of big goals paralyze or discourage you. How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. Break big goals into small chunks. No more procrastinating. No over-analyzing. Pick a course of action, set to work, and make any needed adjustments along the way.

If my goal is to write a new book in 2020, I’ve got to come up with a game plan. It could be writing for a certain number of minutes each morning. Or churning out a daily quota of words. Or setting myself deadlines for outlining the book, completing a rough draft of each chapter, then proofreading and polishing each section of the manuscript.

Having a detailed course of action is vital to success. What particular form those details take is entirely negotiable.

Review your goals regularly

Post a list in a prominent place. Put a photo on the fridge. Keep them visible and take time to read through them at least once a week.

Otherwise, you may get distracted and forget all about what you originally set out to accomplish. When you’re tempted to ditch your New Year’s resolutions, spend some time thinking about why you set each particular goal in the first place.

Put away distractions

When I say stop giving your attention to things that impede your progress, I don’t mean ditch your God-given responsibilities. If you are a wife, your husband deserves a good portion of your attention. If you are a mother, you still need to nurture your little ones. Family members and the life-giving connections we maintain with them are not “distractions” to be avoided.

No, I’m thinking more along the lines of putting away our digital devices. I’m all for technology, but have you ever felt that our smart phones and tablets often just free up more time for us to waste?

If this is a problem for you, let this be the year you break that addiction. Set down the phone. Turn of the TV. Step away from the computer. Stop the endless scrolling through social media posts. All things in moderation! Don’t let excessive or ultimately meaningless online activities keep you from reaching the goals God puts on your heart.

Pray for endurance

Do the goals you set for the new year seem harder than you thought they’d be? Well, guess what? Building endurance is one of the purposes God has in mind when He allows us to encounter hardships in the first place. (James 1:2-3)

Don’t let that discourage you. Slow progress is no reason to ditch your New Year’s resolutions. Instead, pray for strength to press in to the hard, drawing encouragement from verses like these:

Philippians 4:13 – “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”
Luke 1:37 – “For with God nothing will be impossible.”
2 Corinthians 12:9 – “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”
Isaiah 40:31 – “Yet those who wait for the LORD will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, They will run and not get tired, They will walk and not become weary.”



Leave the Results to God

That being said, we need to pray hard, work hard, and trust God with the results. You can write the book. But you can’t guarantee it will be a best seller.

You can eat right and exercise daily. But you can’t dictate how quickly you drop unwanted pounds. (My baby weight is annoyingly stubborn while my metabolism is amazingly efficient.)

You can study hard, make great grades, and get glowing recommendations. But it won’t get you into the school of your choice apart from God’s blessing.

In all these things, God calls us to “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path.” (Proverbs 3:5-6)

It may be time to adjust your expectations, to narrow your focus, to hunker down and do the work. You may need to pray for an extra measure of perseverance and set up systems that will make it easier to succeed. But it isn’t time to ditch your New Year’s resolutions — no matter what the date on your calendar reads.

Jennifer Flanders loves the fresh start new years (and new months, new weeks, and new days) represent.

For more goal-setting tips and tricks, check out Jennifer’s (recently updated and expanded) Life Balance Bundle.

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Bible Promises We’d Rather Avoid

My father was a man of his word.

Whenever I was growing up and my dad told me he’d buy me an ice cream cone, or promised to take me fishing, or said he’d come to my school talent show, it was as good as done.

There was no taking it back. No changing his mind. No making last minute excuses when the time came and he felt tired or his back hurt or maybe he regretted making such a commitment in the first place.

I could depend on Dad to do what he said.

But such dependability was a two-edged sword.

Whenever I misbehaved and my father told me to settle down or suffer the consequences, I knew he wasn’t making empty threats. If he promised me a spanking, I got a spanking. When he grounded me for a week, I stayed grounded for a week. No early release for good behavior.

My Father meant what he said.

One Sunday when I was in high school, Dad mentioned over the dinner table he thought I’d been too heavy-handed in applying my makeup that morning.

He was right.

It had taken half an hour of highlighting and contouring to get the glamourous look I was going for. But Dad remained unimpressed.

“If I ever come into church again and see your face plastered with makeup that thick,” he said matter-of-factly, “I will pull you out of choir, march you to the bathroom, and scrub it off myself.”

I knew better than to try him.

Please understand, Dad had nothing against makeup worn in moderation. He just didn’t like seeing his little girl painted up to look like a woman of the evening.

Rather than push the limits, I swung from one extreme to the other. I tossed out my contour pencils. My burgundy lipstick. My artist pallet in 50 shades of shimmering blue, green, and charcoal eyeshadow.

From that day forward, I wore the barest minimum: A hint of blush. Clear lip gloss. A light whisk of mascara.

It pays to obey.

The change worked to my advantage. I eventually married a man who shared Dad’s preference for fresh, clean, paint-free faces. He probably wouldn’t have given me a second look had I still been applying my makeup with a putty knife.

My father may not’ve been a fan of heavy makeup, but he was unashamedly fond of me. Whether I was wearing clear gloss or clumpy mascara, Dad was delighted to have me for his daughter. Never for a minute did I doubt that fact.

I knew Dad loved me just as much when he was doling out discipline as when he was distributing double-dipped cones.

God is that same way, only infinitely more so. God’s Word is true and trustworthy. His love endures forever. God’s grace is freely given.

But while God’s love has no qualifiers or conditions, many of His promises do.

People are quick to cite verses that assure us of God’s blessing, peace, comfort, help, power, and strength.

But there’s an equally long list of promises nobody clamors to claim. God’s promise to resist the proud. (James 4:6) To punish evil doers. (Psalm 37:9) To frustrate the plans of all who oppose Him. (Micah 5:9-11)

You’ll seldom see the likes of those adorning coffee mugs, T-shirts, and bumper stickers.

Photo by Debby Hudson on Unsplash

Bible promises we’d rather avoid:

“Be not deceived, God is not mocked; whatever a man sows, this he will also reap.” (Galatians 6:7)
“Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.” (Proverbs 16:18)
“If you set a trap for others, you will get caught in it yourself. If you roll a boulder down on others, it will crush you instead.” (Proverbs 26:27)
“Those who plow iniquity and those who sow trouble reap the same.” (Job 4:8)
“If you don’t forgive others their sins, your Father won’t forgive yours.” (Matthew 6:15)
“The hand of our God is favorably disposed to all those who seek Him, but His power and His anger are against all those who forsake Him.” (Ezra 8:22)
“God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” (James 4:6)
“But because of your stubbornness and your unrepentant heart, you are storing up wrath against yourself for the day of God’s wrath, when his righteous judgment will be revealed.” (Romans 2:5)
“The eyes of the arrogant will be humbled and human pride brought low; the Lord alone will be exalted in that day.” (Isaiah 2:11)

These are all promises we can take to the bank. God means what He says and says what He means. God was and is and always will be true to His Word. So we’d be wise to heed His instruction.

There’s good news, too.

But thankfully, God balances His judgement with ample portions of mercy and grace. He doesn’t leave us to work it all out on our own. Thanks to His abiding presence and empowering strength, we can steer clear of any Bible promises we’d rather avoid.

We must remember that sanctification is as much a work of grace as salvation is. And God has promised to faithfully complete the good work He’s begun in us. (Philippians 1:6)

We need only to remain upon the Potter’s wheel. (Jeremiah 18:6) Soft. Pliable. Ready and willing for God to shape us. To mold us. To conform us to the image of His blessed Son, the Lord Jesus Christ. (Romans 12:2)

“And we know that God works all things together for the good of those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose. For those God foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brothers.” (Romans 8:28-29)

Jennifer Flanders is grateful to have had an earthly father who makes it easier to believe in the benevolence and faithfulness of her Heavenly Father. She keeps a list of God’s promises in the back of her Bible — both the kind of verses folks love to claim and the Bible promises we’d be wise to avoid.

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5 Productivity Tips that Aren’t Tied to Tech

I’ll be first to admit that technology is amazing. I use it all the time. To set goals. Coordinate schedules. Make phone calls.

To text family and friends. Take photos. Make lists. To track fitness. Organize recipes. Look up information. To keep records. Shop online. Design graphics. To write this blog post.

The list goes on and on and on.

Personal computers. Tablet notebooks. Cell phones. Smart watches. Such things were futuristic daydreams back when I was a kid. They were background props in my favorite cartoon, The Jetsons.

Now they are a daily reality. How could we survive without them? Our new technologies make everything better, smarter, faster.

Except when they don’t.

Sometimes it seems like our digital devises just free up more time for us to waste. Do you ever feel that way?

When it comes to technology use (as with everything else under the sun), there has to be a balance. We must learn to use it wisely.

Let it increase our efficiency in one area, then set it down. Quickly. Before it eats up all the time we saved, and then some.

And so, in pursuit of that balance, I’d encourage you to follow a few counterintuitive productivity tips in the coming new year:

5 Productivity tips that won’t tie you to technology


Write things by hand:

Did you know handwriting stimulates your brain, strengthens your memory, and makes learning easier?

Whether you are journaling, making a grocery list, or sending a letter to a friend, occasionally set your phone or keyboard aside and reach for a pen.

Read things on paper:

Pick up the physical copy of a book, newspaper, or magazine. Highlight what you read, underline, take notes, write in the margins.

Studies show students retain information longer when they read it in print rather than digital format. It’s good brain exercise for adults, too.


Commit things to memory:

Phone numbers, multiplication tables, driving directions, Bible verses, and word spellings. There was once a time when the average person could recite extensive amounts of such information at will.

Now many of us depend on speed dial, pocket calculators, GPS, Bible apps and spell check to remember these facts for us. Sure, anything you need to know is a Google search away. But what if you can’t get a signal?

What happens if your phone dies or gets lost or stolen? Or if your car breaks down, and you don’t remember what road you’re on or where to send help? What if you have to borrow a stranger’s phone to call home, and they don’t have your mother on speed dial?

Unplug things on purpose:

Have you ever seen a family eating in a restaurant where every member’s eyes are glued to a screen? Perhaps they’re communicating with friends on the other side of the globe, but they’re missing an opportunity to connect with the people sitting right across the table.

Status updates, sports highlights, stock prices, and video games can’t hold a candle to face-to-face interactions. So set your devices aside in favor of real-time interactions.

Consider banning phones at the dinner table in the new year. Or maybe even take a sabbatical from digital technologies one day/afternoon/evening a week.

Undertake things offline:

If you’re at a loss for what to do during such a digital sabbatical, that’s a strong indication you desperately need one. Use the time to pursue a hobby that doesn’t require Internet. Play a musical instrument. Make something creative. Move your body. Run a 5K. Take dance lessons. Shoot some baskets. Play a boardgame with family or friends.

I can guarantee when you lay upon your deathbed, you won’t be wishing you’d made it to the final level of Candy Crush or got more likes on Facebook or posted more photos on Instagram. If you have any regrets, it will probably be that you didn’t use more wisely the short time you were given.

As Francis Chan observes, “Our greatest fear should not be of failure, but of succeeding at things in life that don’t really matter.”

My goal for 2020 is to be wise in the way I spend my time. And that means being smart about how I use technology. Some of my productivity tips may seem counterintuitive, but by sharpening my memory and loosening technology’s grip on my life, these practices will make me more efficient in the long run. Efficient, happy, and balanced.

My goal is to spend the next 12 months nurturing my relationships, developing my gifts, strengthening my brain, exercising my memory, and putting into practice the lessons I’ve learned. In short, I want to be as productive as possible in all the areas that matter most.

Jennifer Flanders has been happily married for 32 years and is the mother of 12 children. Her family provides lots of opportunities to invest her time in things that really matter. For more productivity tips, check out the all-new 2020 Ultimate Productivity Bundle:

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On Christmas Lights & What They Mean

Our family normally puts out our Christmas lights during the first warm weekend in November. If we wait too late, we run the risk of having to work in the damp chill instead of the soft sunshine. Of having to wear coats and scarves rather than shorts and flip-flops.

Brrrr! Don’t any of us want to do that.

Yet this November was unusually busy for our family. So one sunny Saturday after another passed without our marking that seasonal task off of our to-do list. When bright clear days were replaced by bitter, cold ones, I feared we’d missed our chance.

But the Monday before Thanksgiving dawned bright. I walked outside mid-morning to find my 11-year-old son hard at work, stringing lights along our sidewalks.

The skies were a bit overcast, but the temperature was warm. So Gabriel got up early and tackled the job on his own initiative, An early Christmas surprise for Mom.

Sights of the Season

I love seeing houses all decked out for the holidays. Eaves and gables outlined in lights. Wreaths gracing the doors and windows. Trees twinkling indoors and out. An occasional nativity scene or angel choir displayed prominently in the yard.

When I was growing up, my parents always knew where to find the best, most festively adorned neighborhoods. We must have spent hours during my childhood driving up one street and down another, admiring all the decorated houses.

Some neighborhoods we visited had a theme. Everyone on the block lined their lawns with the same hurricane lamps. Or posted the same giant candy canes at the end of their walks. Or displayed the same style sign in their yard that, taken all together, told the entire Christmas story, verse by verse.

My sister and I never tired of these December evening excursions. No matter how many blocks Dad circled, we’d always beg for “just one more street.”

Hidden Meaning

I loved looking at Christmas lights as a child, when such sights filled me with wonder. And I still love it as an adult, when the lights remind me of my precious Savior, whose birth we celebrate at Christmastime.

Jesus says of Himself, “I am the Light of the world; he who follows Me will not walk in the darkness, but will have the Light of life.” (John 8:12)

While He was on earth, He warned his followers, “For a little while longer, the Light will be among you. Walk while you have the Light, so that darkness will not overtake you. The one who walks in the darkness does not know where he is going.” (John 12: 35)

But Christ’s analogy doesn’t end there. He also exhorts believers, “You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden; nor does anyone light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on the lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house.” (Matthew 5:14-15)


Lost in Darkness

A couple of years ago, our family drove through Bowling Green, Kentucky, and we stopped to tour Mammoth Cave while we were in town.

When we got to the lowest depths of the cavern, our tour guide shut off all the lights. That way, we could experience what total darkness felt like.

Then she lit a single candle, and I was amazed at what a difference that one little flame made.

THAT’S the difference Jesus calls Christians to make in the world.

Don’t underestimate the power of that little light, even if you are the only one in your community who is on fire.

Which is why Christ tells us, “Let your light so shine before others that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father in heaven.” (Matthew 5:16)

Is Anyone Home?

Many years ago, I drove through a themed neighborhood one Christmas with some married friends. Every yard on the street was lined with luminaries, save one. That lone house looked so dark and deserted, it made me sad.

I wondered whether the owners were too sick or feeble to decorate that year. Did they move? Did they die? Did they get busy and forget? (Not every family is blessed with an industrious 11-year old to tend to such tasks for them, after all.)

Or perhaps their house was dark by design. Maybe their religious beliefs didn’t permit them to celebrate Christmas. Maybe they thought Christmas lights pollute the night sky and waste electricity. Maybe they relate more to Scrooge than to Snoopy.

As I was internally processing all these thoughts, my friend’s husband pointed to that dark and dismal abode and declared proudly, “That would be MY house, if I lived in this neighborhood.”

He’s always been a little contrary. If everybody else is doing one thing, he’ll do the opposite just to be different.

While I can respect his right to make such a choice, I can’t begin to understand it. I’m at the opposite end of the spectrum. I’d string lights, even if I were the only one on the block doing so.

Light Up my Life

I love Christmas lights. I love lights on trees. On wreaths. Along sidewalks. On fences. On houses. Over gates and doors and in windows.

Most of all, I love the Light of the World. I love having the light of Christ shine in my heart.

I want it to burn brightly — through every word, every thought, every action — no matter what anyone else around me is doing.

Jennifer Flanders thinks Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year. Not because of lights and presents and tinsel, but because of Jesus and the gift His coming made possible: Salvation by grace through faith. For more from this author, check out her books or visit her family website.

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On Accepting Freckles and Other Unchangeables

The summer I turned ten, I spent an inordinate amount of time obsessing over my appearance.

What began a few years earlier as a smattering of freckles across the bridge of my nose soon melded into one solid brown patch that stretched from ear to ear. So I was thrilled to learn that my similarly speckled cousin knew of a surefire cure: lemon juice.

I spent weeks assailing my cheeks with lemon wedges, bent on bleaching that blotch right out of my skin. But this rubbing ritual proved a complete waste of time (not to mention a waste of lemons). My freckles didn’t budge.

Fortunately for my citrus-soaked complexion, I later noticed a different cousin using an eyebrow pencil to draw freckles on her otherwise porcelain skin.

The absurdity of the situation hit home. In that moment, I resolved to lay off the lemon treatment forever. To accept the way God made me, freckles and all.

It’s all good

I haven’t given those brown blotches much thought since, except to marvel over how they’ve faded on their own as I’ve aged.

As momentous as those freckles seemed to my ten-year-old self, I realize now my early struggles were child’s play. Some people must cope with far more serious physical challenges. Incurable diseases. Debilitating injuries. Vision loss. Infertility. Bad genetics. Mental illness.

The prayer that hung on the wall of my grandmother’s bedroom is a fitting one for this discussion:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.

The key to navigating such trials successfully is to avoid the pitfalls of bitterness, resentment, and self-pity.

Work to better your situation, certainly. Use every resource God provides. If you can change what ails you through therapy, surgery, diet, medication, or some equally valid treatment plan, then by all means change it.

But for circumstances that can’t be altered, cast your cares upon Jesus, because He cares for you. (1 Peter 5:7).

A big part of finding peace is learning to accept certain unchangeables in our lives. The lesson I learned as a young girl with unwanted freckles applies to far weightier issues, as well.

Some things never change

If we can come to accept such things. Embrace them. Perhaps even feel a measure of gratitude for them (or, at least, for what God is teaching us through them), we will experience a deeper joy for living than we’ve ever known before.

These unchangeable areas include:

Parentage

You don’t get to pick your mom and dad. Nor do you get to decide whether your parents divorce or stay married.

Genetics

Your DNA came pre-loaded, as well. The blueprint for your body was determined from the first moment of conception. It cannot be altered.


Era in History

As much as you may long for “the good old days,” you must live in the historical time period you’ve been given.


Brain Function

You don’t get to pick your IQ, your mental capacity, or what learning style suits you best. (But you do get to choose how you’ll use what you’ve been given.)


Ethnicity

You don’t get to choose your country of origin. Or the color of your skin. Or anything else about your ethnic background.


Birth Order

You have no control over whether or not you have siblings and where you fall out among them.


Family History

You cannot change what your ancestors did in the past. Or what your extended family does in the present.


Mistakes

Although you can certainly learn from mistakes — both those you make yourself and those that others have made that adversely affect you — you cannot go back and undo them. Nor can you avoid all their consequences.


Mishaps

Likewise, while we can take precautions to avoid them, careless accidents still happen. When they do, all the “what ifs” in the world won’t undo their sometimes devastating results.


Aging

Hair color, collagen creams, and plastic surgeons may help mask the signs of aging, but there is no denying the fact that we’re all growing older. Making peace with that fact now may spare you a few worry lines in the future.


Mortality

Our days are numbered. Accepting our own mortality reminds us to use wisely the time God has given us on this earth.

All these areas together combine to make us the unique individuals we are. The Bible paints a beautiful picture of the care with which God made each one of us:

For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother’s womb. I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are Your works, and my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from You, when I was made in secret, and skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth; Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; and in Your book were all written, the days that were ordained for me, when as yet there was not one of them. (Psalm 139:13-16)

Isn’t that reassuring? God had a purpose for designing you exactly as He did. But until you’re able to accept His design, you’ll have a hard time discovering His purpose.

Gratitude. Acceptance. Submission.

These attitudes prepare our hearts to fulfill God’s plan for our lives. But perfect understanding of His purpose and design will likely not come this side of heaven. He may grant us glimpses, but we are limited in our ability to appreciate the full scope of God’s intentions toward us.

Still, we can be confident that He will “work all things together for the good of those who love Him and have been called according to His purpose.” (Romans 8:28)

Author Jennifer Flanders still identifies as a freckled redhead, though the pigmentation in both her skin and her hair have faded dramatically as she’s grown older. Today’s column is adapted from material taught at the Institute of Basic Life Principles and a related chapter in her book, Balance: The Art of Minding What Matters Most.

[Photo by Milena Santos from Pexels]

The post On Accepting Freckles and Other Unchangeables appeared first on Loving Life at Home.

Give THANKS with a Grateful Heart

[Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash]

Black Friday didn’t even have the courtesy to wait until the end of November this year. Did you notice that? Doorbuster ads started rolling out before we’d even polished off the last of the Halloween candy.

Once again, Thanksgiving – both the day and the act – seems to have gotten trampled in our full court press toward Christmas.

The shopping stampede has begun: Parking lots are already full. Stores are crowded. The wish lists are endless.

Kids queue up for an opportunity to sit on Santa’s knee and rattle off a litany of what they hope to find under the tree.

Some of those children seem demanding and ungrateful. But even the courteous ones — the ones who remember to say please and thank you — normally remain focused on their own pleasure. Here’s the list of what I want. What I need. What will make me happy.

As distasteful as this pervasive sense of entitlement is to me, if I’m being honest, I can see myself in the way those children approach Jolly Old Saint Nick. Because I sometimes approach my Maker in prayer with that same selfish attitude.

I have an easier time asking God to supply my needs than thanking Him for what He’s already provided. After all, my needs, my wishes, my desperate desires remain at the forefront of my mind, whether I’m praying at a particular moment or not.

Yet God calls me to cultivate an attitude of gratitude:

Therefore as you have received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in Him, having been firmly rooted and now being built up in Him and established in your faith, just as you were instructed, and overflowing with gratitude. (Colossians 2:6-7)

We are to give thanks to God with grateful hearts. But this should go far beyond a generic “thank You for Your bountiful blessings.”

We should be as specific in communicating appreciation as we are in making requests.

Need inspiration? Here are 6 categories to get you started.

And, since I love acrostics, the categories spell out T-H-A-N-K-S, to make them easy to remember:

T = Trials

It’s natural to thank God when life is going well. But what if things turn south? What if you’re dealing with a wayward child, with job insecurity, with slander and persecution or with some other circumstance that fills you with dread? What then?

Such situations may tempt us to worry or despair, but God has outlined a better way of dealing with trials:

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice! (Philippians 4:4)

Now, before you convince yourself that “always” could not possibly mean always, consider the following verse, as well:

Consider it all joy when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.” (James 1:2)

Clearly, God wants us to be thankful, even in the midst of hardship.

We should thank Him for His purposes in sending such trials our way. Thank Him for his faithfulness to walk by our side in the midst of them. Thank Him for what he plans to accomplish through them.

We should thank him for His unchanging goodness, His unfailing grace, His empowering strength, and His trustworthy promise to use even difficulties for our growth and His glory. What others mean for evil, God can use for good.

H = Health

Reflect with me for a moment. Take a deep breath. Flex your fingers. Do your eyes work well enough to read the words on this page? Is your brain lucid enough to understand them?

Were you strong enough to get out of bed this morning and walk to the kitchen for a cup of coffee? Did you stop off at the bathroom on your way? When’s the last time you thanked God that your kidneys and GI tract are working properly? When’s the last time you expressed gratitude that your brain and lungs and legs are functional?

Such graces are things many of us take for granted. There’s nothing like a bout of ill health to help you appreciate the blessing of good health. When I recovered from three bedridden days of fever and chills earlier this month, I felt like I had a new lease on life.

If you are presently struggling with health issues, go back to the first point and thank God in the midst of that trial. But if you aren’t, show some appreciation and thank God for the blessing of good health.

A = Abilities

Are you a great cook? A talented musician? An inspiring teacher? Good with your hands? Strong in math? Have an eye for decorating?

Are you a natural athlete? A wise leader? A good encourager?

Has God given you the gift of service? A heart of compassion? A way with words? An artistic bent? The mind of a programmer? An incredible voice? A discerning spirit? A photographic memory?

Did you know that every unique skill, talent, and aptitude you have comes from God?

For who makes you different from anyone else? What do you have that you did not receive? And if you did receive it, why do you boast as though you did not? (1 Corinthians 4:7)

Make a list of all your various strengths and abilities. Thank God for every one of those gifts and brainstorm ways you can use them for His glory rather than your own. Then bloom where you’re planted.

N = Neighbors

When I say you should thank God for your neighbors, I don’t just mean the people who live next door.

“Neighbors” include people much closer than that: the family members who share your table. The spouse who shares your bed. The parents and siblings who share your DNA.

But, as Jesus’s parable of the good Samaritan proves, “neighbors” also refer to people much further away. People on the other side of the tracks or on the opposite side of the globe. People across town, across the country, and across the political aisle.

If you enjoy close, mutually encouraging relationships with the neighbors God has given you, give thanks for that fact.

If your relationship with some of your neighbors is strained or antagonistic, go back to the first point and thank God in the midst of that struggle, too.

Either way, pray for your neighbors. Thank God for putting them in your life. Ask Him to help you treat your neighbor as you’d want to be treated and to love your neighbors as you love yourself, just as He commanded.

So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.(Matthew 7:12)

For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”(Galatians 5:14)

K = Kindnesses

We should also be thankful for all the many kindnesses we receive, both from God and from our fellow man. Pray that God will open your eyes to His daily mercies and to the thoughtful actions of others. Fresh air. Warm sunshine. An open door. A friendly smile. A steady arm.

Kindness begets kindness. So if you have trouble spotting much kindness in your community take every opportunity to sow some yourself. Offer a word of comfort. Voice an earnest prayer. Send an encouraging note. Leave a generous tip. Give the signaling car space to change lanes in heavy traffic.

And thank God for the opportunity to be the change you want to see in the world around you.

S = Salvation

Last, but certainly not least, we need to thank God for the gift of salvation and forgiveness He freely offers to all who call upon His name and repent of their sins.

Of course, that’s assuming you’ve accepted this gift. If not, there will never be a better time to do so than right now, this very minute.

The Bible tells us:

If you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord and believe in your heart God has raised him from the dead, you shall be saved; for with the heart a person believes, resulting in righteousness, and with the mouth he confesses, resulting in salvation.” (Romans 10:9-10)

Truly, Salvation is God’s greatest and most unfathomable gift of all. It would be a pity to miss that one, above all others.

[Photo by Ryan Christodoulou on Unsplash]

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6 Smart Ways to Connect with Your Grandchildren

Did you know today is Grandparent’s Day? It always falls on the first Sunday in September after Labor Day.

Grandparent’s Day may not get the attention that Mother’s Day and Father’s Day attract, but it serves as a good reminder of the important role grandparents play in the lives of their grandchildren.

My own grandparents lived several hours away. They had to do much of their encouraging and influencing from afar. But they still made a point of pouring into the lives of their children’s children.

In contrast, my husband and I spent our first decade together living just down the street from my parents. Our kids saw their grandparents almost daily. We could hop on our bikes and be at Nana and Papa’s house in three or four minutes flat.

Now we are grandparents ourselves.

We often reflect on how our own parents and grandparents fulfilled this role before us. And we intentionally try to mimic all their best practices, which include all of the following:

6 Smart Ways to Connect with Your Grandchildren


Pray for them

Prayer is the first and best thing you can do for your grandkids. And it doesn’t depend on proximity. Whether your grandkids live on the other side of the street or on the other side of the world, you can pray for them daily.

Pray for their health and safety. Pray for their relationships to family, to friends, and to God Himself. And pray for wisdom to know how you can best to encourage your grandchildren and build them up as individuals.

Spend time with them

Although mine were long-distance grandparents, we made lots of great memories together during the years they were alive.

Once in a blue moon, they came to Dallas to visit us. But Papa was hard of hearing in both ears and blind in his right eye. Consequently, he once drove off and left my grandma at a gas station inadvertently. He didn’t realize she wasn’t sitting in the truck beside him listening to him rant about gas prices until he’d traveled several miles down the highway.

Perhaps that explains why, more often, we drove to Oklahoma to see them. We celebrated most major holidays at their house in Oklahoma. We also went camping together, along with all the aunts and uncles and cousins.

And my sister and I spent an entire week with Mema and Papa almost every summer. They bought us fireworks. And baked us brownies. And took us swimming in the frigid spring-fed waters of Big Bear Falls in Sulphur. They also made us behave and took us to Sunday school and told us funny stories from when our daddy was little.

Cook for them

My grandmothers were both wonderful cooks, as my mother is still. My children love eating their Nana’s home cooking as much as I enjoyed eating all the homemade biscuits, home grown veggies, and home baked pies my grandmas spread on their tables whenever we visited.

Especially in the fast-food age we live in now, there is something almost magical about those old-school meals we used to feast on as children around our grandparents’ tables. Next time your grandkids pay you a visit, why not break out a well-loved recipe that has been in your family for generations and share it with the next?

Write to them

I grew up in an era before email or texting or video chat. In those days, long distance phone calls were charged by the minute, but first class postage stamps sold for less than a nickel. Accordingly, my grandparents were my earliest pen-pals.

My grandpa once wrote to thank me for a pet rock I’d painted him for Christmas. He told me “Pebbles” was a huge fan of rock music, especially the Rolling Stones, but had unfortunately fallen in with a rough crowd and come home stoned. He tried sending her to school, but her teacher sent home a note saying Pebbles was so hard-headed, nobody there could teach her anything.

“So I put her back in her box,” Papa concluded, “and haven’t heard a peep out of her since.” Forty-two years later, I still have that letter, which I reread this morning before penning this column.

My Mema also wrote me regularly. I can’t remember ever receiving a letter from her that didn’t have some sort of surprise tucked inside along with the correspondence: a stick of gum, a few coins, a coloring or activity page, a Cracker Jack prize, a dollar bill, a comic strip, or a handful of postage stamps for my growing collection.

Once she sent a photograph of my father in his army uniform, which I initially mistook for a picture of her postman. (Anybody else remember when mail carriers walked house to house in dress blues to deliver the post?) I still have many of her old letters, too, as well as that picture of Dad in his military duds!

Cheer for them

Celebrate your grandchildren’s milestones and achievements. Make a big deal of their accomplishments. Tell them often how proud you are of them.

If you live close enough, show up for their piano recitals and choir performances, their soccer games and graduations. If you can’t be there in person, root for them from a distance. And let them know you are with them in spirit.

Tell them stories

You can do as my grandmother did and tell stories about their own parent’s exploits growing up. Like the time she spied my preschool-aged father at the top of a 50-foot windmill. She promised him everything in the book to coax him into climbing back down, but the first thing he got when his feet were back on solid ground was a spanking!

Need inspiration for storytelling? Break out the scrapbooks and photo albums and go through them together, recalling details about the people and events pictured inside. Or, in the absence of true-life tales, you can do as the grandfather in Princess Bride did and read your grandkids the same stories your children loved growing up.

Some of my grandchildren live close enough that I see them almost every day. Some live hours away — two on another continent. But near or far, I count it a privilege to carry on with them many of the same traditions my own beloved grandparents started with me.

Jennifer Flanders is the proud grandmother of ten on the ground and two on the way. For a fly-on-the-wall look at more of her parenting philosophies and family traditions, check out her book, Glad Tidings: The First 25 Years of Flanders Family Christmas Letters.

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