Jennifer Flanders's Blog, page 10

Loving Your Husband Well

Jesus calls us to “love your neighbor as yourself,” and what closer neighbor do you have than the spouse who shares your bed each night? Loving your husband is something wives need to do not only on special occasions like Valentine’s Day and wedding anniversaries, but every minute of every hour of every day, all year long.

On this week’s podcast, we’re looking at 1 Corinthians 13 and seeing how what it says about love affects how we communicate love to our spouse. You’ll find a more detailed outline of the podcast in the post following today’s show notes.

Show NotesVERSES CITED:“Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.” – Titus 2:3-5  “The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.” – Mark 12:31“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.” – John 13:34“Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take out the speck that is in your eye,’ when you yourself do not see the log that is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take out the speck that is in your brother’s eye” – Luke 6:41-42“If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.” – I Corinthians 13:1-2“In the same way, faith also, if it has no works, is dead, being by itself.” – James 2:17“…We know that ‘We all possess knowledge.’ But knowledge puffs up while love builds up.” – 1 Corinthians 8:1 “And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I deliver my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.” – 1 Corinthians 13:3“…fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” – Hebrews 12:2“For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” – Mark 10:45“If I then, your Lord and Master, have washed your feet; ye also ought to wash one another’s feet.” – John 13:14“Love is patient, love is kind, and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant…” – 1 Corinthians 13:4“By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” – John 13:35 “If therefore there is any encouragement in Christ, if there is any consolation of love, if there is any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and compassion, make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose. Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind let each of you regard one another as more important than himself; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.” – Philippians 2:1-4“[Love]does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered; does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth.” – 1 Corinthians 13:5-6“Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins.” – 1 Peter 4:8“bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away. For we know in part, and we prophesy in part; but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away. When I was a child, I used to speak as a child, think as a child, reason as a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I shall know fully just as I also have been fully known. But now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.” – 1 Corinthians 13:7-13 RELATED LINKS:Love Your Husband, Love Yourself – a compelling book for wives, no matter how long they’ve been married30-day Respect Challenge – sign up for this free email series that offers tips for communicating with your husband in a way he understands and appreciatesMore Precious than Gold – a good name is of great value… how does your husband’s reputation fare in your hands? A Plea for Perseverance – because our most important declarations of love are not made on Ferbruary 14th, but in the days and weeks and months that followSTAY CONNECTED:Subscribe: Flanders Family Freebies -(weekly themed link lists of free resources)Instagram: follow @flanders_family for more great contentFamily Blog: Flanders Family Home Life (parenting tips, homeschool help, lots of free printables!) Marriage Blog: Loving Life at Home  (encouragement in your roles as wife, mother, believer) How to Truly Love Your Husband

Valentine’s is only a couple of days away, and everything is coming up hearts and roses, which makes today the perfect time to discuss Loving Your Husband, and what exactly God’s kind of love should look like in the context of marriage.

I’ve written extensively on this topic in my book Love Your Husband, Love Yourself but for today’s discussion, I want to begin by noting that there are four different words used for love in the Greek New Testament:

Storge describes familial love, like that a mother has for her childEros denotes a romantic, passionate, sexual lovePhilia means brotherly affection, as between equals or friendsAgape is the word the Bible uses for the kind of divine, sacrificial love God has for us

Interestingly, in Titus 2:3-5, when older women are commanded to teach the younger women to love their husbands and love their children, the root of the words translated “love” in both instances is philia. And that kind of warm affection and thoughtfulness is a key ingredient for building a happy home and bonded family, to be sure.

But when Jesus calls all of us to “love your neighbor as yourself” and when he proclaims, “As I have loved you, so should you love one another,” the word He uses for love is agape.

Agape is also the word used throughout 1 Corinthians 13, the LOVE chapter — which is what I’d like for us to go through today.

As we do, I’d encourage you to consider whether or not you are living up to this description. Satan may tempt you to dwell on all the ways you feel your husband is falling short in this department, but don’t let your mind go there.

We need to remove the plank from our own eye before addressing the speck that is in our brother’s eye — or in the eye of our spouse, as the case may be. ( Luke 6:41-42)

God gives us a pattern for love

1 Corinthians 13 gives us ample opportunity to identify those planks. It teaches us the following truths about love:

1. Love gives substance to our words.

Verse 1 reads: “If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.”

Without love, our words are hollow. Empty. Devoid of meaning.

If this passage had been written in the 21st century, it might read, “If I’m all smiles and sugar and speak glowing praise for my spouse in social media posts and reels, but I treat him with contempt when I’m offline and the cameras are no longer rolling, then the very sound of my voice (or the sight of my Instagram feed) becomes intensely irritating and painful.”

I can tell my husband, “I Love You” all I want, but unless my actions underscore and support my words, he’ll have a hard time believing I speak the truth.

2. Love gives meaning to our beliefs.

1 Corinthians 13:2 reads, “And if I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.“

A modern day application of this verse might be, “If I have a shelf full of marriage books and have read and understand them all, and if I have full faith in God’s ability to transform my marriage into the one-flesh union He intended it to be, but I never bother to cultivate the kind of love He calls me to demonstrate, then I’m completely wasting my time.”

James 2:17 declares, “Faith without works is dead,” and 1 Corinthians 8:1 tells us, “knowledge puffs up, but love builds up.” 

The Living Bible translates that last verse, “But while knowledge makes us feel important, it is love that strengthens the church.” And it’s love that strengthens our marriage, as well.

3. Love gives purpose to our sacrifice.

The third verse of 1 Corinthians 13 reads, “And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I deliver my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.”

Let that sink in: Sacrificial service apart from love does not profit. You can wash dishes and cook meals and clean house and fold laundry all day every day, and you can get up every hour on the hour all night long to nurse babies or care for sick children or check on an elderly parent,  but if you grouse and grumble and complain about these tasks instead of doing them from a heart filled with love and compassion, then you are missing out on the joy God intends for you to take in serving others.

When it comes to sacrificial love, Jesus sets the standard: “the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” (Hebrews 12:2)

That old acrostic that spells JOY (Jesus – Others – You) got it right. “For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” (Mark 10:45)

And in John 13:14, He bids us to follow His example: “If I then, your Lord and Master, have washed your feet; ye also ought to wash one another’s feet.”

Which brings us to the next point…

4. Love improves our behavior toward others.

1 Corinthians 13:4 tells us, “Love is patient, love is kind, and is not jealous…”

Back when we were first married and living on a shoestring budget, my husband asked me what I wanted for Christmas, and I suggested he just give me a pretty Christmas ornament. I knew he could get a really nice one at Hobby Lobby for $2 or $3, especially if he used one of those 40% off coupons they used to publish weekly in the Sunday paper.

But instead Doug went to Hallmark and paid ten times that price for a Precious Moments collector’s ornament. And he has continued to do the same thing every Christmas since. So now, 36 years’ worth of those sweet little porcelain ornaments can (and do) fill their own Christmas tree – a little slimline tree I put up in the corner of our bedroom every year.

It looks so pretty there that I hate taking it down after Christmas is over. So this year, I didn’t. Instead, I swapped out the Precious Moments ornaments for a bunch of red and white hearts and have been enjoying a Valentine’s tree for the past few weeks.

Most of the heart ornaments the children and I made in the past, but I added some cute little paper hearts with the words of 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 on them: Love is patient. Love is kind. Love is not jealous. Etc.

They serve as a beautiful reminder that true love affects the way we treat others. It improves our behavior toward one another.

In John 13:35, Jesus says it is by our LOVE that everybody will know we are His disciples. That kind of love is demonstrable in the way we treat those around us. And the same is true within marriage.

When I treat my husband with patience, kindness, and admiration, I am demonstrating the fact I love him. Such virtues are characteristic of love.

But the contrapositive is also true. If I’m impatient or unkind toward my husband, it is evidence that I do not love him – at least not in the way that Jesus calls me to love in this passage and many others.

So take inventory: Are you behaving in a loving way toward your spouse? Or in a way that indicates you really don’t love him?

If your interactions are marked by impatience or frustrated annoyance, if you snap at him irritably or act put out with him or use your words to tear him down or ridicule him, then you are in sin and need to repent and – in God’s strength and through His empowering grace – bring your behavior in line with what the Bible says is characteristic of love. Including our next point…

5. Love is rooted in humility.

Verse 4 continues, “love does not brag and is not arrogant…”

Pride and arrogance are the polar opposites of love and compassion. Pride is inwardly focused: It’s self-centered, self-promoting, self-absorbed, and selfishly motivated. But love is outwardly focused: it concerns itself with the welfare and well-being of others.

That’s why Paul admonishes us, “If therefore there is any encouragement in Christ, if there is any consolation of love, if there is any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and compassion, make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose. Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind let each of you regard one another as more important than himself; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.” (Phil 2:1-4)

Which dovetails nicely with my next point:

6. Love puts others first.

Verse 5 tells us “[love] does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered…”

Love doesn’t harbor grudges or nurse resentments. It never gives bitterness an opportunity to take root. Love doesn’t turn a cold shoulder or subject anyone to the silent treatment. It keeps no record of wrongs. It doesn’t keep score, nor is it easily offended. Love forgives freely.

Can the same thing be said of you in the way you relate to your husband? How many marriages have been destroyed by a bitter and unforgiving spirit?

7. Love alters the way we think.

In 1 Corinthians 13:6, we learn that love “does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth.”

Have you ever been around somebody who is given to gossip? They seem to take great delight in airing the shortcomings of others. They can’t seem to be happy unless they’re stabbing somebody in the back and clicking their tongues and raising their eyebrows at the moral failure of another person.

Sadly, I’ve known women who, every time they get together, it is to malign their husbands and try to outdo one another with stories of whatever idiotic thing he did last.

I’m not talking about a wife who is trying to deal with a serious failure on the part of her spouse and is seeking the help of an advisor or discretely asking a trusted friend for counsel and prayer. I definitely believe there is a place for that in grave situations.

Rather, I’m talking about a woman who takes pleasure in airing her husband’s dirty laundry and ridiculing him in front of her friends or making him to out to be an idiot or a baffoon and seeking attention and sympathy from others at his expense.  This kind of woman would be disappointed if her husband’s behavior actually changed, because then she would have nothing to grouse about behind his back.

That’s what it means to rejoice in unrighteousness. Love doesn’t do that. Instead, love covers a multitude of sin (1 Peter 4:8). “Rejoicing in the truth” means taking pleasure in the opposite of unrighteousness. It means love delights in virtue and faith and goodness. It builds up and encourages and shares the good things instead of highlighting the bad.

Love focuses its attention and dwells on whatever is true and honorable and right and pure and lovely and excellent and praiseworthy (as Philippians 4:8 instructs all of us to do).

8. Love endures to the very end.

True love never stops loving. 1 Corinthians 13:7-9 bears out this fact. It tells us that love “bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 

“Love never fails; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away. 

“For we know in part, and we prophesy in part; but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away.”

So love and keep on loving. Love perseveres, whether it is ever reciprocated or not. Don’t wait until your spouse loves you with the love of Christ before offering such love to him.

Jesus commands you to love your neighbor as yourself, and you will one day answer to him concerning how faithfully you followed his command and example. You can’t make your personal obedience contingent on somebody else’s performance.

God doesn’t give partial credit for good intentions. Telling him, “Well, I WOULD have loved my husband the way you commanded if he’d have shown me that kind of love. But he didn’t, so I guess that means I’m off the hook, right?”  Wrong.

9. Love ultimately leads to more intimate understanding.

Paul wraps up this great chapter with 1 Corinthians 13:11-13 , “When I was a child, I used to speak as a child, think as a child, reason as a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things. 

“For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I shall know fully just as I also have been fully known. But now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.”

Isn’t that the kind of love we all should aspire to cultivate toward our husband? Not just on Valentine’s Day, but every day of the year?

More Biblical Marriage Encouragement

The Word of God is full of wisdom for every facet of life, but we’ve found it especially helpful in building a happy, healthy marriage. For a fascinating look at how science has confirmed the superiority of God’s design, check out my book Love Your Husband/Love Yourself.

The post Loving Your Husband Well appeared first on Loving Life at Home.

EP 30: Balancing Marriage and Motherhood

Can a woman nurture her children without neglecting her husband? Is it possible to be a loving wife and a devoted mother? How do we strike a balance between marriage and motherhood?

That was the heart of the question I’m answering this week on my Loving Life at Home Podcast. You can read the original message along with my response below the show notes.

Show NotesSCRIPTURES CITED:“Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” –  Matthew 11:28-30 “…walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love, being diligent to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” –  Ephesians 4:1-3 “Therefore if there is any encouragement in Christ, if any consolation of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and compassion, make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose. Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility consider one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, as He already existed in the form of God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,  but emptied Himself by taking the form of a bond-servant and being born in the likeness of men. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death: death on a cross.“ – Philippians 2:1-8“But if you harbor bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast in it or deny the truth. Such wisdom does not come from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every evil practice. But the wisdom from above is first of all pure, then peace-loving, gentle, accommodating, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial, and sincere.” –  James 3:14-17 Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.” –  Luke 6:41-42 “The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise the wife also to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise the husband also does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” –  1 Corinthians 7:3-5 “But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him.” – James 1:5“But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.” – Isaiah 40:31“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.” – Philippians 4:6“The heart of her husband trusts in her confidently and relies on and believes in her safely so that he has no lack of honest gain or need of dishonest spoil. She will comfort, encourage, and do him only good as long as there is life within her.” – Proverbs 31:11-12“The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise the wife also to her husband.  The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise the husband also does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.“ – 1 Corinthians 7:3-5Teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts to wisdom.” – Psalm 90:12“I know that you cannot tolerate those who are evil, and you have tested and exposed as liars those who falsely claim to be apostles.  Without growing weary, you have persevered and endured many things for the sake of My name.” – Revelation 2:2“But I have this against you: You have abandoned your first love. Therefore, keep in mind how far you have fallen. Repent and perform the deeds you did at first. But if you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place.” – Revelation 2:4-5“Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, His body, of which He is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her to sanctify her, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to Himself as a glorious church, without stain or wrinkle or any such blemish, but holy and blameless. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. Indeed, no one ever hated his own body, but he nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church. For we are members of His body. ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ This mystery is profound, but I am speaking about Christ and the church. Nevertheless, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” – Ephesians 5:22-33 “This people honors Me with their lips, but their heart is far away from Me.” – Matthew 15:8-9Related Links:To the Tired Mom with the Neglected Husband – my response to the woman who published an open letter to the husband she’d been denying for 4 ½ yearsWhy I Keep Saying Yes to Sex – women should say no to sex before marriage and yes to sex with their husbands afterwards. Sadly, lots of girls get this backwardsSTAY CONNECTED:Subscribe: Flanders Family Freebies -(weekly themed link lists of free resources)Instagram: follow @flanders_family for more great contentFamily Blog: Flanders Family Home Life (parenting tips, homeschool help, lots of free printables!) Marriage Blog: Loving Life at Home  (encouragement in your roles as wife, mother, believer) Q: How do I nurture my marriage when kids require so much time & energy?

Dear Jennifer,

I have a request for a future podcast! I was wondering if you could do one about prioritizing your marriage when having kids.

I am personally so guilty of choosing my kids needs over my husband’s, not like their health needs or anything like that, more like sometimes I catch myself choosing to listen to my kids talking to me over my husband, which causes problems as to be expected.

I usually feel like sometimes being mom is more important than anything and I know that’s not true but it is a struggle to prioritize my husband sometimes.

Also I am finding it hard to make time for just us, especially when it comes to intimacy due to being exhausted at the end of the day. I would love to hear your opinion on this topic!!!

Torn between the Two

A: Lean on the LORD & follow His lead

For moms who already recognize the importance of nurturing their marriage, but don’t know how to do so when so much of their time is consumed by caring for young children, I offer the follow six practical guidelines:

1. Request God’s help

Pray about all of it: your relationships, your conflicted emotions, your lack of energy or interest. You can bring all those matters to God.

He offers wisdom to all that ask (James 1:5). He promises to renew our strength and enable us to run without growing weary or fainting (Isaiah 40:31). And He bids us to “be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving make our requests known unto God.” (Philippians 4:6)

2. Recognize your responsibilities

Becoming a mother does not absolve you of your duties as a wife. You took a vow when you promised to love and honor your husband and live in harmony with him.  So keep that commitment.

Let be said of you what was said of the virtuous woman in Prov. 31, who loved her husband and did him only good while still managing her household and raising her children. I love the way the Amplified version translates verses 11-12: “The heart of her husband trusts in her confidently and relies on and believes in her safely so that he has no lack of honest gain or need of dishonest spoil. She will comfort, encourage, and do him only good as long as there is life within her.”

And part of the good she does him is attending to his physical needs, because she understands what Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 7:3-5, “The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise the wife also to her husband.  The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise the husband also does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.  Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.“

3. Review how you manage your time

Audit your schedule. Keep track of how you are spending your time. Check for time sumps. Psalm 90:12 reads, “Teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts to wisdom.” That’s a great prayer to pray as you evaluate where exactly your time is going.

It might be you need to let some things slide during the season of mothering young children, but I promise you, your relationship to your husband is not one of them. You may have to relax your housekeeping standards a bit or scale back on time spent on entertainment or hobbies or develop new ways of multitasking (such as listening to audiobooks while driving or doing chores instead having your nose glued inside a book when your spouse and kids need your attention).

My own mother enjoyed sewing before she had children, but I remember her saying she found it frustrating to try and sew once babies came along, because she couldn’t stand the constant interruptions.

Knowing my Mom as I do now, I suspect it wasn’t so much the interruptions that drove her crazy — she was always so patient and attentive to me and my sister — but the mess an unfinished sewing project created that she couldn’t stand. So she set her sewing aside and pursued smaller craft projects (such as decoupage) that weren’t quite as time-consuming and that my sister and I could do alongside her.

The point is, as you track where your time is going, you can make more informed decisions about what needs to change to free up time for nurturing your marriage, even as you are nurturing your children.

4. Remember your first love 

In the book of Revelation, when Jesus is speaking to the church at Ephesus, he commends her for her labor and perseverance. In chapter 2 verse 2, he says, “I know that you cannot tolerate those who are evil, and you have tested and exposed as liars those who falsely claim to be apostles.  Without growing weary, you have persevered and endured many things for the sake of My name.”

Those are all good traits, right?

Yet in verses 4-5, Christ continues, “But I have this against you: You have abandoned your first love. Therefore, keep in mind how far you have fallen. Repent and perform the deeds you did at first. But if you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lamp-stand from its place.”

I know these verses were not written to wives, per se, but to the church: the Bride of Christ. Yet in Ephesians 5, when Paul admonishes wives to respect their husbands and husbands to love their wives, he makes it clear that part of the reason we should be careful to do those things is that God designed marriage to be a picture of the relationship Jesus has to the church.

The Ephesian Christians demonstrated the fact that right things can be done with wrong motives (and vice versa). I’m not sure what was driving the church of Ephesus to persevere in their good works, but it wasn’t springing from their love for Jesus. And the same thing can happen in our homes today with regard to our husbands and children.

Part of the reason I love and honor and persevere in my relationship to my husband is out of love and respect and obedience to Christ, because I want our marriage to accurately reflect what it was meant to mirror: Christ’s love and devotion to us and our loving and obedient response to Him.

So I’d encourage you to do everything you can to keep the spark alive between you and your spouse. Remember: You were his wife and lover before you were the mother to his children. Read the Song of Solomon for inspiration.

And acknowledge the fact that we find time to do the things that truly are most important to us.

In Matthew 15:8-9, while speaking to the pharisees, Jesus quotes Isaiah, “This people honors Me with their lips, but their heart is far away from Me.”

Let’s do better than that in our marriage by not just telling our husbands, “I love you” but showing them in the way we respond to them and prioritize our relationship in a world of distractions.

5. Repent of wrong attitudes

If — as was the case for me on those early years of marriage — you discover contemptuous attitudes and prideful thoughts or just spirit of indifference, then confess and repent and ask the LORD to help you do better going forward.  

Philippians 2 sets a high standard for us to follow: “Therefore if there is any encouragement in Christ, if any consolation of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and compassion, make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose. Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility consider one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, as He already existed in the form of God, did not consider equality with God a thing to be grasped,  but emptied Himself by taking the form of a bond-servant and being born in the likeness of men. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient unto death, even death on a cross.“

I doubt God is calling any of us to actually die for the sake of our husband, but He might be calling us to be inconvenienced. Are you willing to do that? You’ve likely put your own needs and desires on the back burner on account of your children. Can you do the same for your husband? Can you consider him to be more important than yourself? Can you put his needs ahead of your own?

This isn’t an idea I came up with. This is the clear command of scripture. So if you don’t like it, don’t shoot the messenger. Take up your case with God.

The fact is, Motherhood should enrich your marriage, not detract from it.

Watching the way my husband relates to our children –from the time they were babies through adolescent and teen years and into adulthood —  has only served to increase  my love for him all the more.

I would encourage you to never use your children as an excuse to be Inattentive or unresponsive, distracted or preoccupied, distant or indifferent toward your spouse.

Instead, work as a team.

I realize not every husband is the involved father that mine is. But they are more likely to be involved if you do not set up a false “him v. them” dichotomy. By making sure my husband’s cup is brimming with my love and attention, he has far more love and attention to invest in our kids than he would have if I created an adversarial relationship between them or marginalized his needs to attend to theirs.

6. Reserve some time & energy to devote to your spouse daily

Carving out regular time for him, giving him your full attention, and prioritizing intimacy will go a long way toward reassuring your husband the children don’t have a monopoly on your affection.

Again, Proverbs 31 provides a great example of a mother who does this well. 

If, like the listener who asked me to address this topic, you feel too exhausted for intimacy by the end of the day, I recommend taking a nap or getting up early to spend time with your husband. Think outside the box. I have a lot more to say about this topic, but will save it for another episode.

I think I’ve probably given you enough food for thought today. I hope you’ll chew on it and make whatever changes are necessary to send a clear message to your spouse that you love him and are prepared to demonstrate that fact as often as necessary to get your point across.

The Word of God is full of wisdom for every facet of life, but we’ve found it especially helpful in building a happy, healthy marriage. For a fascinating look at how science has confirmed the superiority of God’s design, check out my book Love Your Husband/Love Yourself.

The post EP 30: Balancing Marriage and Motherhood appeared first on Loving Life at Home.

The M-A-M-A Song

Our homeschool co-op sponsored a mother-daughter retreat last weekend, and I was recruited to write some kind of “sweet but funny” song those of us who helped host the event could perform to entertain the troops (and possibly embarrass our daughters).

My fellow organizers didn’t give me much to go on other than mentioning they’d like for us all to wear costumes that symbolized the many different roles a mom plays in the lives of her children. Which immediately brought to mind an image of the Village People dancing to Y.M.C.A.

So I took that idea and ran with it. We ended up dressing as a construction manager, a cook, a cruise director, a cheerleader, a nurse, a chauffeur, and a maid.

But instead of dancing to the Y.M.C.A. song, I penned new, more fitting lyrics for our event, which I’m sharing below, along with a recording of the music we choreographed and performed on the last night of our weekend retreat.

The recording is far from perfect — and some parts are horribly out of tune — but it served our purposes well. The other moms in attendance and all our daughters loved the new lyrics. They laughed and cheered and even clapped and chanted along to the chorus while we danced.

I know several ladies in the audience caught the whole skit on video, but while my fellow performers agreed to let me post the above snapshot, I’m not sure any of us are ready to publicly broadcast all our disco moves and chorus line kicks on the world wide web. So you’ll just have to use your imagination for that part. Ha!

The M-A-M-A Song

(Lyrics by Jennifer Flanders)

Daughter, when you're lost or alone,I said, Daughter, Mom's as close as your phone.Why not call her? Even after you're grown,I'll remind you Jesus loves you.Daughter, didn't Mom always sayThere's no problem you can face in a dayThat's not better when you take time to prayAnd remember Jesus loves you.You ought to listen to M-A-M-A.You've got to listen to M-A-M-A. I was once in your place,I've been saved by God's grace,His love puts a smile on my face.Why don’t you listen to M-A-M-A?Why won’t you listen to M-A-M-A?You know just what I'll say:I will point you God's wayAnd tell you to trust and obey.Daughter, when you start to feel blue,I said, Daughter, here's what you need to do:Read your Bible. Know that God's Word is trueAnd remember Jesus loves you.Daughter, don't believe Satan's lies.I said, Daughter, you should not be surprisedWhen he tempts you. May God open your eyesAnd remind you Jesus loves you.I hope you'll listen to M-A-M-A.Your mama speaks the truth. M-A-M-A!I was once in your shoes,Feeling down with the blues,But the LORD came to my rescue!And now I get to be M-A-M-A.Thank God for making me M-A-M-A!I will always love you,And my Jesus will too!You can trust that His Word is true.Daughter, don't just follow the crowd,And don't totter, compromise, or be proud.Your friends gotta hear the gospel aloud When you tell them, "Jesus loves you!"One day you may be a mom, too.And then someday, when your daughter feels blue,That's when you'll say what your mama told you:Please remember Jesus loves you.Oh, I love being a M-A-M-A.And you'll love being a M-A-M-A.God gives everything For young moms to enjoyAs you raise all your girls and boys.M-A-M-A... It's so great to be M-A-M-A.Daughter of mine, what I'm saying is true:Daughter of mine, Jesus really loves you!M-A-M-A... I'm so glad to be M-A-M-A.Daughter of mine, are you listening to me?Daughter of mine, wouldn't you like to be?M-A-M-A... I hope you'll get to be M-A-M-A.If your children bring you half the joy you've brought me,Then my God will have blessed you abundantly!M-A-M-A. M-A-M-A!

If you enjoyed this post, you’ll love Sweet Child of Mine, my interactive devotional journal for moms. It contains 200+ pages chockfull of uplifting scriptures, writing prompts, word studies, and thoughtful quotes on the topic of motherhood, plus some of the most beautiful vintage artwork I’ve ever seen.

The post The M-A-M-A Song appeared first on Loving Life at Home.

EP 29: How to Find Lasting Happiness

Why does happiness elude so many people who search for it? If you’ve ever wondered how to find lasting happiness, this episode of Loving LIfe at Home is for you.

The reason most people never find the deep and abiding sense of joy they seek is because they are looking in the wrong places. Happiness was never intended to be our primary goal; rather, it’s a fringe benefit to a life well-lived. 

Find and fulfill the ultimate purpose for which you’ve been put on this planet, and you’ll find true happiness as well. The six tips I’m sharing on the podcast this week can help you identify that purpose and work toward it with intentionality.

The content for this episode comes from a blog post I wrote nearly 10 years ago called “6 Simple Secrets of Extremely Happy People (which you can read in its entirety below today’s show notes).

The same principles and practices that made me joyfully content when I first penned this article continue to do so today. And I hope they will do the same for you.

Show NotesSCRIPTURES CITED:  “I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.” – Philippians 4:11 “Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.” – James 1:2-3“But godliness with contentment is great gain.” – 1 Timothy 6:6  “The LORD is my strength and shield. I trust him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of thanksgiving.” – Psalm 28:7“For the LORD your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.” – Zephaniah 3:17“Then my soul will rejoice in the LORD and delight in his salvation.” – Psalm 35:9“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life.” – John 10:10 “Whether, then, you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” – 1 Corinthians 10:31“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 4:6-7“…be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.” – Ephesians 5:18-20“O come, let us sing for joy to the LORD, let us shout joyfully to the rock of our salvation. Let us come before His presence with thanksgiving, let us shout joyfully to Him with psalms.” – Psalm 95:1-2“Enter into His gates with thanksgiving, and into His courts with praise. Be thankful to Him, and bless His name. For the LORD is good; His mercy is everlasting, and His truth endures to all generations..” – Psalm 100:4-5“Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.” – Philippians 4:8“For you were formerly darkness, but now you are Light in the Lord; walk as children of Light (for the fruit of the Light consists in all goodness and righteousness and truth).” – Ephesians 5:8-9“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.” – Galatians 5:22-23“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.” – 1 Corinthians 13:4-8“Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance, and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” – Hebrews 12:1-2“And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” – Mark 11:25“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.” – Ephesians 4:31-32“So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you. Beyond all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity.” – Colossians 3:12-14“For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions.” – Matthew 6:14-15“Serve the LORD with gladness; Come before Him with joyful singing.” – Psalm 100:2“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters…” – Colossians 3:23“…serve one another humbly in love. For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.'” – Galatians 5:13-14“Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.” – 1 Peter 4:10“Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary. So then, while we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, and especially to those who are of the household of the faith.” – Galatians 6:9-10“…one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 3:13-14“Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.” – James 1:12“Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may win. Everyone who competes in the games exercises self-control in all things. They then do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. Therefore I run in such a way, as not without aim; I box in such a way, as not beating the air; but I discipline my body and make it my slave, so that, after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified.” – 1 Corintians 9:24-27RELATED LINKS: Free Printable Thank You Notes – several different styles to choose fromMy Empty Nest/ Do It Now Lists – freepretty printable templates for you to downloadWorld Magazine – biweekly news magazine presents current events from a Christian worldviewWorld Watch News – a daily, 10-minute summary of current world events (geared toward kids)LL #11: Freely Forgive Others – how to let go of past hurts so they don’t rob you of joy todaySTAY CONNECTED:Subscribe: Flanders Family Freebies -(weekly themed link lists of free resources)Instagram: follow @flanders_family for more great contentFamily Blog: Flanders Family Home Life (parenting tips, homeschool help, lots of free printables!) Marriage Blog: Loving Life at Home  (encouragement in your roles as wife, mother, believer)6 Simple Secrets of Extremely Happy People

Today I’m fielding a question on how to find lasting happiness and am also providing scriptures for you to meditate upon as you consider these things.

Question: How can I be a happier person?

I received the following message on my “Love Your Husband” Facebook page this week:

I just came across your write up on how to ruin your marriage. I have to say that I am guilty on all counts. However I am not a happy woman and I don’t feel competent enough to be a career woman, a mother, and a wife. I would love to be a very happy person again, if and when you get this message please could you help me out with scriptures that will help me. I desperately need to be a better wife and mother. Thank you and God bless you and your family.

I wanted to respond quickly, so I searched for things I’d already written that might address this reader’s question. I’ve written one post on “Cultivating Contentment,” another on “Creating a Happy Home,” and yet another called “Don’t Let Anything Steal your Joy.”

They are all great articles that address different aspects of this topic, but when it comes to listing specific Scriptures that might help an unhappy person find her way out of the pit, I came up empty.

It’s not that such verses don’t exist — they do! It’s only that I’ve never taken time to create a list of them. Until now.

I know lots of people struggle with being happy, joyful, and content. If you are one of them, I pray these thoughts and verses will help you, as well.

Answer: Six simple secrets to lasting happinessHappiness starts with God.

I’m sure non-believers have happy moments, but I have never met anybody with a deep, abiding sense of joy who does not credit it to a strong, personal relationship with the Creator. God made us, He made our emotions, He gave us the capacity to feel happiness, and He has provided the means by which we can experience happiness, both here on earth and throughout eternity:

“The LORD is my strength and shield. I trust him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of thanksgiving.” (Psalm 28:7, NLT)“For the LORD your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.” (Zephaniah 3:17, NLT)“Then my soul will rejoice in the LORD and delight in his salvation.” (Psalm 35:9, NIV)“The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life.” (John 10:10, NLT)

 

Happiness springs from gratitude.

More often than not, unhappy people are ungrateful people, and vice versa. They focus on what they don’t have instead of being thankful for what they do have. You cannot feel truly grateful and completely miserable at the same time, so rather than enumerating your troubles, practice counting your blessings instead. Offer up a prayer of thanksgiving for each one. Buy a stack of cards and write notes of thanks to people who have helped you along the way. Say thank you in person to those who do kind things for you. Put to death any notions of entitlement and accept every new grace with unmitigated appreciation and delight.

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6-7)“…be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.” (Ephesians 18-20, NIV)“O come, let us sing for joy to the LORD, Let us shout joyfully to the rock of our salvation. Let us come before His presence with thanksgiving, Let us shout joyfully to Him with psalms.” (Psalm 95:1-2, NASB)“Enter His gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise. Give thanks to Him, bless His name. For the LORD is good; His lovingkindness is everlasting And His faithfulness to all generations.” (Psalm 100:4-5, NASB)

 

Happiness sees the good.

Focus on the positive. Look on the bright side. Search for the silver lining. As Martha Washington once observed, “The greater part of our misery or unhappiness is determined not by our circumstance but by our disposition.” Resolve to maintain a cheerful disposition in whatever circumstance you find yourself.

“Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.” (Philippians 4:8, KJV)“For you were formerly darkness, but now you are Light in the Lord; walk as children of Light (for the fruit of the Light consists in all goodness and righteousness and truth).” (Ephesians 5:8-9, NASB)“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.” (Galatians 5:22-23, NASB)“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-8, NLT)

 

Happiness says no to grudges.

Nothing edges happiness out of a heart faster than bitterness. The two cannot co-exist. Whether for major offenses or minor irritations, be quick to extend forgiveness to those who have wronged you. Do not harbor grudges or give place to resentment — doing so will steal your joy.

“And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” (Mark 11:25, NIV)“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.” (Ephesians 4:31-32, NASB)“So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you. Beyond all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity.” (Colossians 3:12-14, NASB“For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions.” (Matthew 6:14-15, NASB)

 

Happiness serves others gladly.

Deep, abiding joy does not focus on what others can do for me, but on what I can do for others. As a wife and mother, you have built-in others to think about. Ask God to help you tend to their needs with a glad and grateful heart. Recognize that relationships take work, and do it heartily, knowing that God loves a cheerful giver.

“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters…” (Colossians 3:23, NIV)“…serve one another humbly in love. For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.'” (Galatians 5:13-14, NIV)“Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.” (1 Peter 4:10, NIV)“Serve the LORD with gladness; Come before Him with joyful singing.” (Psalm 100:2, NASB)

 

Happiness strives toward the goal.

Keep an eternal perspective. Don’t let doubts or discouragements cloud your perception. Don’t let anything distract you from tending to the things that really matter most…

“Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary. So then, while we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, and especially to those who are of the household of the faith.” (Galatians 6:9-10, NASB)“…one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 3:13-14, NASB)“Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.” (James 1:12, NIV)“Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may win. Everyone who competes in the games exercises self-control in all things. They then do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. Therefore I run in such a way, as not without aim; I box in such a way, as not beating the air; but I discipline my body and make it my slave, so that, after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified.” (1 Corintians 9:24-27, NASB)

 

What more happiness out of life? These are the principles you’ll need to practice to find it, along with Scriptures to back them up.

I consider myself an extremely happy person, and these are my secrets to maintaining a joyful outlook. If you can think of other ideas that might help, please share them in the comment section below.

The post EP 29: How to Find Lasting Happiness appeared first on Loving Life at Home.

LL #29: How to Find Lasting Happiness

Why does happiness elude so many people who search for it? If you’ve ever wondered how to find lasting happiness, this episode of Loving LIfe at Home is for you.

The reason most people never find the deep and abiding sense of joy they seek is because they are looking in the wrong places. Happiness was never intended to be our primary goal; rather, it’s a fringe benefit to a life well-lived. 

Find and fulfill the ultimate purpose for which you’ve been put on this planet, and you’ll find true happiness as well. The six tips I’m sharing on the podcast this week can help you identify that purpose and work toward it with intentionality.

The content for this episode comes from a blog post I wrote nearly 10 years ago called “6 Simple Secrets of Extremely Happy People (which you can read in its entirety below today’s show notes).

The same principles and practices that made me joyfully content when I first penned this article continue to do so today. And I hope they will do the same for you.

Show NotesSCRIPTURES CITED:  “I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.” – Philippians 4:11 “Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.” – James 1:2-3“But godliness with contentment is great gain.” – 1 Timothy 6:6  “The LORD is my strength and shield. I trust him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of thanksgiving.” – Psalm 28:7“For the LORD your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.” – Zephaniah 3:17“Then my soul will rejoice in the LORD and delight in his salvation.” – Psalm 35:9“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life.” – John 10:10 “Whether, then, you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” – 1 Corinthians 10:31“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 4:6-7“…be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.” – Ephesians 5:18-20“O come, let us sing for joy to the LORD, let us shout joyfully to the rock of our salvation. Let us come before His presence with thanksgiving, let us shout joyfully to Him with psalms.” – Psalm 95:1-2“Enter into His gates with thanksgiving, and into His courts with praise. Be thankful to Him, and bless His name. For the LORD is good; His mercy is everlasting, and His truth endures to all generations..” – Psalm 100:4-5“Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.” – Philippians 4:8“For you were formerly darkness, but now you are Light in the Lord; walk as children of Light (for the fruit of the Light consists in all goodness and righteousness and truth).” – Ephesians 5:8-9“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.” – Galatians 5:22-23“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.” – 1 Corinthians 13:4-8“Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance, and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” – Hebrews 12:1-2“And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” – Mark 11:25“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.” – Ephesians 4:31-32“So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you. Beyond all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity.” – Colossians 3:12-14“For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions.” – Matthew 6:14-15“Serve the LORD with gladness; Come before Him with joyful singing.” – Psalm 100:2“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters…” – Colossians 3:23“…serve one another humbly in love. For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.'” – Galatians 5:13-14“Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.” – 1 Peter 4:10“Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary. So then, while we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, and especially to those who are of the household of the faith.” – Galatians 6:9-10“…one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 3:13-14“Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.” – James 1:12“Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may win. Everyone who competes in the games exercises self-control in all things. They then do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. Therefore I run in such a way, as not without aim; I box in such a way, as not beating the air; but I discipline my body and make it my slave, so that, after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified.” – 1 Corintians 9:24-27RELATED LINKS: Free Printable Thank You Notes – several different styles to choose fromMy Empty Nest/ Do It Now Lists – freepretty printable templates for you to downloadWorld Magazine – biweekly news magazine presents current events from a Christian worldviewWorld Watch News – a daily, 10-minute summary of current world events (geared toward kids)LL #11: Freely Forgive Others – how to let go of past hurts so they don’t rob you of joy todaySTAY CONNECTED:Subscribe: Flanders Family Freebies -(weekly themed link lists of free resources)Instagram: follow @flanders_family for more great contentFamily Blog: Flanders Family Home Life (parenting tips, homeschool help, lots of free printables!) Marriage Blog: Loving Life at Home  (encouragement in your roles as wife, mother, believer)6 Simple Secrets of Extremely Happy People

Today I’m fielding a question on how to find lasting happiness and am also providing scriptures for you to meditate upon as you consider these things.

Question: How can I be a happier person?

I received the following message on my “Love Your Husband” Facebook page this week:

I just came across your write up on how to ruin your marriage. I have to say that I am guilty on all counts. However I am not a happy woman and I don’t feel competent enough to be a career woman, a mother, and a wife. I would love to be a very happy person again, if and when you get this message please could you help me out with scriptures that will help me. I desperately need to be a better wife and mother. Thank you and God bless you and your family.

I wanted to respond quickly, so I searched for things I’d already written that might address this reader’s question. I’ve written one post on “Cultivating Contentment,” another on “Creating a Happy Home,” and yet another called “Don’t Let Anything Steal your Joy.”

They are all great articles that address different aspects of this topic, but when it comes to listing specific Scriptures that might help an unhappy person find her way out of the pit, I came up empty.

It’s not that such verses don’t exist — they do! It’s only that I’ve never taken time to create a list of them. Until now.

I know lots of people struggle with being happy, joyful, and content. If you are one of them, I pray these thoughts and verses will help you, as well.

Answer: Six simple secrets to lasting happinessHappiness starts with God.

I’m sure non-believers have happy moments, but I have never met anybody with a deep, abiding sense of joy who does not credit it to a strong, personal relationship with the Creator. God made us, He made our emotions, He gave us the capacity to feel happiness, and He has provided the means by which we can experience happiness, both here on earth and throughout eternity:

“The LORD is my strength and shield. I trust him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of thanksgiving.” (Psalm 28:7, NLT)“For the LORD your God is living among you. He is a mighty savior. He will take delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.” (Zephaniah 3:17, NLT)“Then my soul will rejoice in the LORD and delight in his salvation.” (Psalm 35:9, NIV)“The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life.” (John 10:10, NLT)

 

Happiness springs from gratitude.

More often than not, unhappy people are ungrateful people, and vice versa. They focus on what they don’t have instead of being thankful for what they do have. You cannot feel truly grateful and completely miserable at the same time, so rather than enumerating your troubles, practice counting your blessings instead. Offer up a prayer of thanksgiving for each one. Buy a stack of cards and write notes of thanks to people who have helped you along the way. Say thank you in person to those who do kind things for you. Put to death any notions of entitlement and accept every new grace with unmitigated appreciation and delight.

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6-7)“…be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.” (Ephesians 18-20, NIV)“O come, let us sing for joy to the LORD, Let us shout joyfully to the rock of our salvation. Let us come before His presence with thanksgiving, Let us shout joyfully to Him with psalms.” (Psalm 95:1-2, NASB)“Enter His gates with thanksgiving and His courts with praise. Give thanks to Him, bless His name. For the LORD is good; His lovingkindness is everlasting And His faithfulness to all generations.” (Psalm 100:4-5, NASB)

 

Happiness sees the good.

Focus on the positive. Look on the bright side. Search for the silver lining. As Martha Washington once observed, “The greater part of our misery or unhappiness is determined not by our circumstance but by our disposition.” Resolve to maintain a cheerful disposition in whatever circumstance you find yourself.

“Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.” (Philippians 4:8, KJV)“For you were formerly darkness, but now you are Light in the Lord; walk as children of Light (for the fruit of the Light consists in all goodness and righteousness and truth).” (Ephesians 5:8-9, NASB)“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.” (Galatians 5:22-23, NASB)“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-8, NLT)

 

Happiness says no to grudges.

Nothing edges happiness out of a heart faster than bitterness. The two cannot co-exist. Whether for major offenses or minor irritations, be quick to extend forgiveness to those who have wronged you. Do not harbor grudges or give place to resentment — doing so will steal your joy.

“And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” (Mark 11:25, NIV)“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.” (Ephesians 4:31-32, NASB)“So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you. Beyond all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity.” (Colossians 3:12-14, NASB“For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions.” (Matthew 6:14-15, NASB)

 

Happiness serves others gladly.

Deep, abiding joy does not focus on what others can do for me, but on what I can do for others. As a wife and mother, you have built-in others to think about. Ask God to help you tend to their needs with a glad and grateful heart. Recognize that relationships take work, and do it heartily, knowing that God loves a cheerful giver.

“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters…” (Colossians 3:23, NIV)“…serve one another humbly in love. For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.'” (Galatians 5:13-14, NIV)“Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.” (1 Peter 4:10, NIV)“Serve the LORD with gladness; Come before Him with joyful singing.” (Psalm 100:2, NASB)

 

Happiness strives toward the goal.

Keep an eternal perspective. Don’t let doubts or discouragements cloud your perception. Don’t let anything distract you from tending to the things that really matter most…

“Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary. So then, while we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, and especially to those who are of the household of the faith.” (Galatians 6:9-10, NASB)“…one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 3:13-14, NASB)“Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.” (James 1:12, NIV)“Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may win. Everyone who competes in the games exercises self-control in all things. They then do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. Therefore I run in such a way, as not without aim; I box in such a way, as not beating the air; but I discipline my body and make it my slave, so that, after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified.” (1 Corintians 9:24-27, NASB)

 

What more happiness out of life? These are the principles you’ll need to practice to find it, along with Scriptures to back them up.

I consider myself an extremely happy person, and these are my secrets to maintaining a joyful outlook. If you can think of other ideas that might help, please share them in the comment section below.

The post LL #29: How to Find Lasting Happiness appeared first on Loving Life at Home.

Ep 28: Bible Memory Tips

Memorizing Scripture is one of the most worthwhile activities we can devote our time to. It enriches our lives and packs powerful spiritual, mental, physical and emotional benefits . If you’d like to prioritize Bible Memory in this new year, the tips and tricks I share in today’s podcast will help you do it.

The material for this episode is taken from a post I published on this blog in January of last year. You can read the original in its entirety below today’s show notes.

Show NotesSCRIPTURES CITED: “Therefore shall ye lay up these my words in your heart and in your soul, and bind them for a sign upon your hand, that they may be as frontlets between your eyes.” ( Deuteronomy 11:18 )“And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.” ( Romans 12:2 )“You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.” ( Isaiah 26:3 )“Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.” ( Ephesians 6:17 )“Then the eyes of those who see will not be blinded, And the ears of those who hear will listen.” ( Isaiah 32:3 )“You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.” ( John 14:14 )“But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him.” (James 1:5)“And ye shall teach them your children, speaking of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.” (Deuteronomy 11:9)RELATED LINKS:Episode 21: Favorite Christmas Traditions – where I first describe Samuel’s family challengesLearning the 10 Commandments – crafts and resources to help commit these to memoryPrayer Guides – help you pray the words of scripture, in accordance with God’s revealed willSimple Scripture Memory System – Charlotte Mason’s method for scheduled reviewChristian Coloring Pages – these are all available for free on our family websiteVerses – the Bible Memory App my daughters usePretty Bible Verse Cards – a free printable set of 16 verses for you to memorizeCopy Writing Worksheets – 60+ penmanship practice sheets featuring select Bible verses Scripture Memory Cards – these 60+ memory verse cards correspond to the copy work sheetsBible Verse ABCs – 26 more Bible memory verses, one for each letter of the alphabetBeautiful Bible Bookmarks – eight memory verses are printed with gorgeous graphics50 Bible Verses Everyone Should Know – this checklist will keep you busy memorizing for a whileOne-Year Bible Plan – the plan I’ve used to read through the Bible yearly for over a decadeSTAY CONNECTED:Subscribe: Flanders Family Freebies -(weekly themed link lists of free resources)Instagram: follow @flanders_family for more great contentFamily Blog: Flanders Family Home Life (parenting tips, homeschool help, lots of free printables!) Marriage Blog: Loving Life at Home  (encouragement in your roles as wife, mother, believer) Bible Memory Tips and Tricks

One of my New Year’s resolutions this year is to make Bible memory more of a priority. Memorizing scripture doesn’t come quite as easily these days as it did when I was a kid, but the following tips and tricks have helped speed my progress significantly.

In January, I started memorizing the book of James. (Four chapters down, one to go! ) After that, I plan to begin on a few Pauline epistles: Galatians, Ephesians, Philippians, and Colossians. By using the suggestions below (with special emphasis on #1, #2, and #14), I’ve been able to finish a new chapter every week or two, depending on how familiar it was to begin with.

If you’re interested in memorizing more of God’s Word, give these tips a try yourself. You needn’t do everything on the list for every passage you commit to memory, but the more senses you use in learning the verses, the more firmly cemented they’ll be in your brain.

17 Tips to Make Bible Memory Easier:Write the verses out by hand

Copy each verse you are trying to memorize at least once in your own handwriting. Doing so helps you to clarify the words in your mind and keep them all in the proper order.

Pray for God’s help in memorizing

He promises to give wisdom to all who request it. And since memorizing Scripture is one of the best ways I know to acquire wisdom, you should definitely ask God to help you in the endeavor.

Do your part by working on memorizing passages faithfully, then you can rely on the LORD to bring His Word to mind as needed!

Put the verses in prominent places

Print out multiple copies of your memory verses (you may even want to laminate them for durability) then tape them to the bathroom mirror, stick them to refrigerator, or prop them up on the windowsill above the kitchen sink where you’ll be frequently reminded to work on them.

Alternate between reading aloud and reciting from memory until you can recite them without peeking.

Set the verses to music

Assign the words to a familiar tune or make up a new melody of your own. Either way, singing God’s Word makes memorizing it almost effortless.

Learn the verses in context

Whenever you’re trying to learn a longer passage, work on a big block of verses at once rather than committing them to memory one at a time. Memorizing in context helps you keep the verses in the proper order and provides a richer understanding of their meaning, as well.

Recite memory verses aloud

When practicing your verses, don’t just rehearse them silently to yourself. Say them out loud if at all possible, as hearing the words while speaking them provides two more channels to get them into your brain.

Do this at least two or three times a day when you are first beginning to work on a new passage to better familiarize yourself with the verses.

Record your own voice reading the verses

Another way to speed up the memorizing and review process is by recording yourself reading the passage. Then you can listen to your recording as you’re washing dishes, folding clothes, running errands, drifting off to sleep, or during any number of other mindless activities that fill your day.

Use a dry erase board

Write the passage you are trying to memorize on the white board by hand, then read it aloud. Next, erase two or three words at a time, and practice saying it while filling in the blanks. Continue this process until no words remain on the board, and you can quote the entire passage from memory.

Recite verses in rhythm

Try clapping the words to a beat or reciting them to the rhythm of your steps as you walk or run.

Use your hands

Learn sign language to accompany the verses, or create your own hand motions to correspond to the verses. The body movement and muscle memory will reinforce your memorizing efforts.

Memorize with a friend

It’s always good to have an accountability partner. Even if you are working on different passages, find a friend or family member and take turns reciting to one another at least once a week whatever verses you are currently memorizing.

If you are both learning the same portion of Scripture, you can just quote the passage together, provided you coordinate in advance which translation you’ll use.

Systematically review verses you’ve already learned

Charlotte Mason recommended a method of Scripture memory that allowed for scheduled review of older memory verses. Whatever passage you are currently memorizing gets reviewed once a day. As newer passages are learned, older ones get moved to an increasingly less frequent review schedule: every other day, then once weekly, then once monthly.

Mason recommended writing your verses on index cards and filing them in a box, but if you are memorizing whole chapters, you might try storing full-sized pages in a three ring binder under a similar set of index tabs. These tabs should include one marked “daily,” two marked “odd” and “even,” seven marked with the days of the week, and a set numbered 1-31. (So on Thursday, February 9, I’d review the verses under four tabs: daily, odd, Thursday, and number 9.)

Use the verse in artwork

Doodle the words, color them in, or incorporate them into some other artistic endeavor such as cross-stitch, calligraphy, or wood burning. Doing so provides yet another way to embed God’s Word more deeply in your memory.

Build a “memory palace” to assist in memorizing

This centuries-old technique has revolutionized the way I memorize. It takes a little more effort up front, but greatly multiplies the speed with which I can memorize entire chapters of the Bible and vastly improves recall, as well.

To use it, you must associate each verse with a string of mental images. If you picture the book as a house, and each chapter as a room (or — for longer chapters — a series of rooms) in the house, then each verse will be an item in that room.

I group all the items in sets of five (so I can easily fast forward through the chapter if asked to recite a particular verse toward the end of it), and I always take the items in the same order (which I’ve written down so I can refer back to it when memorizing new passages on the same framework).

By way of example, the seventh item in my memory palace is a small china cabinet that stood in the corner of the dining room in a house my husband and I built in 2003 and lived in for many years. (Since that house is already so familiar, it makes the perfect “memory palace” for me.)

The china cabinet itself was an unexpected gift, which is what I remember when quoting James 1:7 (“Let not that man expect that he will receive anything from the Lord.”)

But I also used the cabinet to store and protect my fine china, which is the aspect I think about when quoting Psalm 121:7 (“The Lord shall preserve thee from all evil; He shall preserve thy soul.”).

And when quoting Philippians 2:7 (“but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men.”), I picture a servant emptying the cabinet of all its china.

In each of these instances, I’m still picturing the seventh item in the room, but the meaning shifts slightly from one passage to the next. Do you see how that works?

Draw tiny pictures

Okay, I’ll admit that last trick is a little advanced. The first time I read about it– years ago — it sounded way too complicated to me, too. So here’s a similar but more concrete idea for you: Sketch little pictures for different words in the verses you’re trying to memorize — like a rebus book.

For instance, if I were going to use this technique on John 3:16 (“For God so loved the world, He gave…”), I might replace the word “For” with a number 4, draw a heart for the word “loved,” a globe for “world,” a present for “gave,” and so forth.

The important thing is to draw these little pictures yourself, even if you don’t consider yourself artistic. The process of doing it is as big a help to memorizing the passage as reviewing the rebus verses that result.

Abbreviate your memory verses

For purposes of review, it is sometimes helpful to write just the first letter of each word in a verse. That way, you’ll have a little prompt when practicing, especially if you are reciting your verses without anybody around who can check you.

Use technology to make memorizing easier

There are lots of computer programs and phone apps out there designed to help you commit Bible verses to memory. Some are even free.

One of the apps my daughters introduced me to is called Verses. I think the original version is free — just click the (very small) link at the bottom of the page that says you aren’t interested in upgrading to basic or pro. It includes KJV plus three other translations, with lots of different tasks to help you memorize (to access more versions of the Bible, you’d have to pay an annual fee).

You can work on single verses at a time, longer passages, or entire chapters. The app includes several different activities (such as listening to the verses, reading them aloud, typing them out, or filling in the blanks) to aid you in memorizing them.

6 Benefits to Memorizing Scripture:Hides God’s Word in your heart

This is something we are commanded in Scripture to do.

“Therefore shall ye lay up these my words in your heart and in your soul, and bind them for a sign upon your hand, that they may be as frontlets between your eyes.” (Deuteronomy 11:18)

Boosts mental health

Memory work establishes new neural pathways and improves brain function. And, since memorizing Scripture involves learning new skills and engaging in cognitive stimulation, it may even help protect against Alzheimer’s.

“And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.” (Romans 12:2)

Provides comfort in trials

Having the Truth of God’s Word cemented in your memory provides a guiding light and firm rock of refuge during life’s inevitable storms.

“You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.” (Isaiah 26:3)

Proves useful for spiritual warfare

Jesus quoted Scripture to combat Satan’s temptations in the wilderness, and we’d do well to follow His example. The more verses you memorize, the more you’ll have in your arsenal when you’re forced to do battle.

“Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.” (Ephesians 6:17)

Helps you view the world through a Biblical lens

What better way to see things from an eternal perspective than to look at them through the filter of God’s unchanging Word?

“Then the eyes of those who see will not be blinded, And the ears of those who hear will listen.” (Isaiah 32:3)

Enables you to pray with the mind of Christ

We can trust that when we are praying the words of Scripture over a matter, we are praying in accordance with God’s revealed will.

“You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.” (John 14:14)

Free Scripture Memory Resources:

I hope by now you are realizing that Scripture memory is entirely doable and is a great way to invest your time and attention. Are you ready to get started? If so, check out the following printable resources. They’re all available for FREE through my family website and will provide further guidance if you aren’t sure where to begin.

Pretty Bible Verse Cards – a free printable set of 16 verses for you to memorizeCopy Writing Worksheets – 60+ penmanship practice sheets featuring select Bible verses (in your choice of manuscript or cursive)Scripture Memory Cards – these 60+ memory verse cards correspond to the copy work sheets above; each has a Bible verse on one side of the card and a memory-prompting illustration on the reverseBible Verse ABCs – 26 more Bible memory verses — one for each letter of the alphabet, chosen especially with children in mindBeautiful Bible Bookmarks – these eight memory verses are printed with gorgeous graphics, perfect for posting throughout your home (or for marking your place in the book you’re reading)50 Bible Verses Everyone Should Know – this handy checklist will keep you busy memorizing for a whileOne-Year Bible Reading Plan – it’s amazing how reading through the Bible regularly familiarizes you with Scripture, which in turns makes it easier to find and memorize verses that are especially meaningful for you Motivating Kids to Memorize Scripture:

The Bible commands us to “teach [God’s word] to your children, talking about it when you sit in your house, when you walk in the road, when you lie down, and when we rise up.” (Deuteronomy 11:19). So… what are some practical ways we can help children hide Scripture in their hearts? Try some of the following ideas:

Offer rewards

Even a gold star on a memory chart was enough to motivate me to memorize as a kid. I remember one Vacation Bible School teacher offering us a piece of candy for every verse we memorized one summer, and my friends and I completely cleaned up! The candy we received is long gone, but I can still quote most of the verses I learned.

Sponsor a contest

There’s nothing like a little friendly competition to get kids excited about doing hard things.

Work on it as a family

Review verses at the dinner table or recite together on long car rides.

Model it

Let your children see you prioritizing Scripture memory in your own life.

Play Scripture songs

Regularly play Scripture set to music in the background as your family is doing chores, cleaning house, riding in the car, etc.

Enroll in Awanas

Take advantage of local church programs such as Bible Drill or Awanas that focus on memorizing Scripture.

Play Bible Memory Games

Challenge kids to play games or take quizzes where memorized verses gives them an advantage.

The post Ep 28: Bible Memory Tips appeared first on Loving Life at Home.

Pray for the Church

I recently received a comment on my free printable prayer guide Your Pastor Needs Prayer asking if I’d create a similar guide for praying for the church.

Well, I thought that was an excellent idea. So here’s what I’ve come up with. (Scroll down for a free printable copy of this guide.)

You can pray this for individual members in your local congregation, or for the universal Christian church that unites all believers. Either way, we need to keep in mind that the church is not the building in which we worship, but the people who meet inside it.

And the prayer forms an acrostic , C-H-U-R-C-H, to make the points easier to remember. And because that’s just the way my brain works.

Christ’s Church Needs PrayerC is for Courage

Pray God would make the church strong and courageous. Ask Him to empower us to boldly proclaim the true gospel without timidity, fear, shame, or compromise. Deuteronomy 31:6; Philippians 1:14; 2 Timothy 1:7; Romans 1:16)

H is for Holiness

Ask the LORD to set the church apart, to sanctify us through
His Truth, and to wash us with water and the Word so that we might be a glorious church, pure and blameless, without stain, wrinkle, or blemish. Pray that God would make us holy as He Himself is holy, (John 17:17; Ephesians 5:25-27; 1 Peter 1:15-16)

U is for Unity

Pray that God would unify His church completely in love for Him and for one another. Ask Him to grant us a singleness of spirit and purpose so that we will do nothing from selfish ambition or vain conceit. May the LORD cultivate in us the mind of Christ and conform us to His image. (John 17:23; John 13:35; Philippians 2:1-8)

R is for Resolve

Pray that God would help us hold fast to the confession of our hope without wavering, knowing that He who began a good work in us will be faithful to complete it. May we be resolved to know Christ and Him crucified, confident He will guard everything we have entrusted to Him. (Hebrews 10:23; Philippians 1:6; 1 Corinthians 2:2; 2 Timothy 1:12)

C is for Compassion

Ask God to develop in His church a heart of compassion and make us gentle, kind, and patient. Pray He’ll teach us to consider the needs of others as more important than our own, to care for orphans and widows in their distress, and to address both the physical and spiritual needs of the poor. (Colossians 3:12; Philippians 2:3-4; James 1:27; James 2:15-17)

H is for Humility

Remembering that “God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble,” ask the LORD to cultivate in His church a spirit of humility and meekness. May we draw near to God, so that He will draw near to us. (James 4:6; Proverbs 29:23; Isaiah 57:15; James 4:8)

Yes! I Want to Pray for the Church!

The post Pray for the Church appeared first on Loving Life at Home.

EP 27: God Wants the Whole Pie

When it comes to setting priorities, many Christians will tell you to “Put God first.” But is the foremost spot on our to-do list enough? Do you think top-billing is what Jesus has in mind when He tells us to “Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength” (Mark 12:30)?

That’s the topic we’re discussing this week on The Loving Life at Home Podcast. Listen in, then let me know what you think. You’ll find the original post upon which Episode 27 is based below today’s show notes. Enjoy!

Show NotesSCRIPTURES CITED: “Honor the Lord with your wealth AND with the first fruits of your harvest.” – Proverbs 3:9 “Every good thing bestowed and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation, or shifting shadow.” – James 1:17“And my God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” –Philippians 4:19“Be sure to set aside a tenth of all that your fields produce each year. Eat the tithe of your grain, new wine and olive oil, and the firstborn of your herds and flocks in the presence of the Lord your God at the place he will choose as a dwelling for his Name, so that you may learn to revere the Lord your God always.” – Deuteronomy 14:22-23“Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is One. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and might.” – Deuteronomy 6:5You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” – Mark 12:31“Serve the LORD with gladness! Come into his presence with singing!” – Psalm 100:2Whoever speaks is to do so as one who is speaking actual words of God; whoever serves is to do so as one who is serving by the strength which God supplies; so that in all things God may be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom belongs the glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen.” – 1 Peter 4:11“I urge you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship.” – Romans 12:1“May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.” – Psalm 19:14 “If we live, we live for the Lord; and if we die, we die for the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord.” – Romans 14:8 “In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight.” – Proverbs 3:6“And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” – Romans 8:28“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding.” – Proverbs 3:5“Trust in Him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge.” – Psalm 62:8 “Whether then you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” – 1 Corinthians 10:31

NOTE: What follows is the sixth (and next-to-last) installment in the series 7 Life Lessons I’ve Learned from my Husband: God wants the Whole Pie. This concept is key to understanding the Christian walk.

God Wants the Whole Pie

I grew up believing I should put God first in everything:

He wants the first part of my week, so I should attend church every Sunday.He wants the first part of my day, so I should read my Bible each morning.He wants the first part of my produce, so I should tithe on every penny I earn.

As with so many other matters, when I got married, my husband really challenged my thinking in this area.

It’s not that there is anything wrong with attending church or reading the Bible or supporting missions.

Quite the contrary.

But worship services and quiet times and charitable giving cannot be where it ends.

God should be more than the top item on my to-do list.

When we think in terms of putting God first, then by definition, something else comes next. It implies that once God’s been given His fair share, the rest of my resources are mine to do with as I please, to pour into family, job, hobbies, or whatever else might be on my list.

But that’s not entirely accurate. This whole hierarchical way of thinking is fundamentally flawed.

God will never be satisfied with a trifling token of our time and talents. Our service to Him should not be ranked alongside dental appointments and PTA meetings and Little League games — just one more thing packed into an already overcrowded schedule.

God transcends our to-do list, and our devotion to Him must be all-encompassing.

If life is a pie, God doesn’t just want the first piece. He doesn’t even want the biggest piece. God wants the whole pie. And — what’s more — He has a right to it!

But what does this sold-out sort of living look like? And how do we get from here to there?

We do it by following these five simple principles:

Love God with all your heart:

The Bible states our goal plainly: “Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is One. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and might.” (Deuteronomy 6:5)

Loving God with our whole heart does not mean we have less love left over for our fellow man, as if our love supply could be diminished or depleted. Rather, the opposite is true. Loving God wholeheartedly compels and enables us to love others as Christ loves them, which is why Jesus follows that first command with a second like unto it: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” (Mark 12:31)

As with the loaves and the fishes, when we give our love wholly to God, He multiplies and increases it many fold, so that there is an abundance of love left over to share with those around us in soul-satisfying ways.

Serve God with all your strength:

The Bible commands us to serve the Lord with gladness (Psalm 100:2) and with the strength that He provides.(1 Peter 4:11).

Unfortunately, Satan has duped us into believing that only certain activities “count” as “service” and that everything else is just stuff we need to rush through so that we can have more time for “real ministry.”

We live burdened down with guilt over all the things we are NOT doing, instead of viewing all the things we ARE doing as opportunities to joyfully serve, knowing that even washing dishes and folding laundry and changing diapers and chauffeuring children can be a spiritual service of worship and a sacrifice of praise when done “as unto the LORD” with a renewed heart and mind. (Romans 12:1)

Honor God in all you do:

As Christians, we have taken the name of Christ; let’s make certain we don’t do so in vain. We must live lives of integrity and sincerity, praying that the words of our mouths and the the meditations of our hearts would be acceptable to God. (Psalm 19:14)

Our faith should not be superficial, but should sink deep into our beings, transforming and molding us into the image of Christ. If we belong to God, then everything we do should be done for His glory. (Romans 14:8, 1 Corinthians 10:31)

Acknowledge God in all your ways:

Our lives should point others to Jesus. In all our ways, we should make Christ known, and He will direct our paths. (Proverbs 3:6)

I do not know who wrote this little rhyme that I memorized in my youth, but it is just as convicting today as it was the first day I heard it:

You are writing a gospel, a chapter each day,
By the things that you do and the words that you say,
Men read what you write, distorted or true,
What is the Gospel according to you?

Trust God with all the details:

God has promised to “work all things together for the good of those who love Him,” (Romans 8:28) and He can be trusted to keep that promise. Time and again throughout scripture, we are urged to put our full trust in God, to depend fully on Him instead of leaning on our own limited understanding or putting our faith in human reasoning:

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding.” (Proverbs 3:5)

“Trust in Him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge.” (Psalm 62:8)

So, there it is. These are the areas that come to my mind when I think of handing all of my life over to God. What does sold-out living look like to you? I’d love for you to share your thoughts in the comment section below.

The post EP 27: God Wants the Whole Pie appeared first on Loving Life at Home.

Top 10 Books of 2023

I read at total 72 books last year. That’s an average of six books a month. Nearly three-fourths of those titles were audiobooks and two-thirds of the books I finished were non-fiction. Below are my top 10 books, not including the Bible (which I re-read in its entirety each year using this Bible reading plan).

My Top 10 Books of 2023

Here are my ten favorite reads of last year, in the order I finished them:

1. Deep Work by Cal Newport

Cal Newport’s Deep Work is all about reducing distractions and improving focus. The first part discusses why it’s so important we learn how to work this way, and the second part of the book offers practical advice for doing so.As I began implementing changes to how I work based on Newport’s research, I saw rapid and marked improvement in focus and reading speed.

But the book also revolutionized the way I memorize scripture, enabling me to easily recall addresses for individual verses, even in the middle of lengthy passages. (Newport was discussing a method for quickly memorizing decks of random cards as a way to strengthen memory muscles, but the technique adapted beautifully to Bible memory, as well).

2. Range by David Epstein

In his fascinating book Range, Epstein paints a compelling case for widening rather than narrowing our focus in academic, athletic, and artistic pursuits as a way to cultivate innovation and breakthrough thinking. Reading this book made me especially thankful for homeschooling.

It’s not that one CAN’T learn to think broadly in a traditional classroom — it’s just that our modern educational system favors benchmarked learning and early specialization, often at the expense of making interdisciplinary connections or pursuing tangential topics. Modern classrooms have little time or patience for the kind of “mental meandering” and experimentation that is essential to creativity and innovation.

3. Essentialism by Greg McKeown

Greg McKeown’s transformative classic, Essentialism, is all about editing our lives of non-essential stuff so as to give our time, energy, and attention to the things that matter most.

McKeown addresses several helpful topics, including the necessity of learning to say no graciously, how to increase productivity and effectiveness by removing obstacles, and — my favorite — the vital importance of play.

The author argues convincingly that when we preserve margin for play (as when we get sufficient sleep), we are far more productive in our waking, non-leisure hours than when we skimp on either of those often under-appreciated pursuits.

4. Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss

The author of Never Split the Difference takes the principles he has learned as the FBI’s lead international kidnapping negotiator and applies them to ordinary, everyday exchanges such as negotiating a raise at work or haggling for a better price on a new car. He offers proven and effective tips for almost any kind of bargaining you might need or want to do while giving readers an incredibly interesting inside look at what goes on during high-profile hostage negotiations.

6. Barking up the Wrong Tree by Eric Barker

The surprising thing about Barking Up the Wrong Tree is not that so many common beliefs about success are, in fact, wrong, but that curious scientists took the time to test the mistaken theories and report on their findings. Barker gathers all the pertinent results of such studies and stitching them together into a fascinating and beautifully easy-to-follow book.

Our family listened to the audiobook version of this book on a road trip but we were compelled to stop the recording every few paragraphs to discuss and expand upon what we were learning. The book is bursting with great food for thought! For more on one of those discussions, check out this post on the connection between storytelling and good mental health.

7. Smarter, Faster, Better by Charles Duhigg

Smarter, Faster, Better is every bit as riveting as Charles Duhigg’s New York Times bestseller, The Power of Habit.  In this thought provoking book, the author talks about our psychological need for closure, and how people who become too focused on closure when setting goals often tend to stick with superficial, easily finished tasks, sometimes to the neglect of deeper, harder, more meaningful work. 

That’s why we need to set stretch goals AND smart goals. Dream big, then break those big dreams into manageable chunks of well-defined short-term goals. Duhigg gives great advice for doing this, and practical tips for achieving more than you ever thought possible.

8. Hard is Not the Same Thing as Bad  by Abbie Halberstadt

My dear friend Abbie Halberstadt’s new book examines many of the challenges women face in all their various roles — as wives, mothers, daughters, friends — and offers practical strategies for thriving in the midst of the hard.

Hard is Not the Same Thing as Bad reminds us to face what trials inevitably come our way with grace and intentionality, recognizing them for the character-refining agents they are. What makes Abbie’s book particularly potent is the fact it’s infused with so much of God’s Word. Get it. Read it. Take its transformative message to heart. Your life will be better — and your burdens will feel lighter — as a result.

8. Everything Sad is Untrue by Daniel Nayeri

My daughter Bethany recently read Daniel Nayeri’s autobiographical novel Everything Sad is Untrue and raved about it so profusely that the rest of the family had to read it as well. It’s written from the perspective of a 12-year-old Iranian refugee and is part myth, part memoir, part history, and part cultural commentary.

Named Best of the Year by both the New York Times and the Wall Street Journal, the book won a dozen other prestigious awards as well, which is somewhat surprising considering the fact his mother’s conversion to Christianity plays such a pivotal role in this beautifully spun narrative. 

9. Breaking Up with Sugar by Molly Carmel

I  packed on quite a few pounds last year, thanks to a painful hip injury, as stressful move, and menopause. So I’ve been feeling the need to make some dietary changes for some time now.

Molly Carmel offers great advice for dropping unwanted pounds permanently. Her solution? Ditch refined sugar and flour. For good.

Breaking Up with Sugar makes a compelling argument for why doing so is key to conquering weight problems and improving your overall health. Her program is backed by scientific research and endorsed by myriad success stories.

10. Crazy Busy by Kevin deYoung

Other than the Bible, Crazy Busy was the last book I read in 2023, hoping it would help set the tone in 2024.

Not that I want to be crazy busy this year. But that I recognize the fact my life consistently drifts in that direction and would like to counterbalance that.

You, too? If your own tendency toward busy-ness has led to stress and distraction, you’ll find helpful tips for turning things around in Kevin DeYoung’s “mercifully short book about a really big problem.”

That completes my Top 10 Book List of 2023. What were your favorite titles from last year. Please share in the comment section below. I’m always looking for my next great read.

Do you love to read as much as we do? I’ve gathered all my best resources for bibliophiles onto this page, or you can read more of my book reviews by following this link .

PLEASE NOTE: This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase through any of those links, we may receive a small referral fee, at no extra cost to you. Such fees help defray the cost of running this website. This, in turn, allows us to continue offering our readers a wealth of FREE printable resources. So thank you for your support!

The post Top 10 Books of 2023 appeared first on Loving Life at Home.

EP 26: Succeeding at Things that Really Matter

[Photo by Dallas Reedy on Unsplash]

To me, succeeding at things that really matter means investing in something of lasting value. And to do that, we must make sure we our building upon a sure foundation and not on shifting sands. 

This week’s podcast is taken from a blog post I wrote nearly five years ago, which you can read in its entirety below today’s show notes.

But the message is as applicable now as it was then. Maybe even more so, since we have an ever-growing number of distractions tempting us to spend our time on things that have little to no eternal merit.

Show NotesVERSES CITED:“Therefore everyone who hears these words of Mine and acts on them, may be compared to a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house; and yet it did not fall, for it had been founded on the rock. Everyone who hears these words of Mine and does not act on them, will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. The rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house; and it fell—and great was its fall. ” – Matthew 7:24-27“This is pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father, to visit orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world.” – James 1:27“For I was hungry and you gave Me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave Me something to drink, I was a stranger and you took Me in, I was naked and you clothed Me, I was sick and you looked after Me, I was in prison and you visited Me.’ Then the righteous will answer Him, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry and feed You, or thirsty and give You something to drink? When did we see You a stranger and take You in, or naked and clothe You? When did we see You sick or in prison and visit You?’ And the King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of Mine, you did for Me.’” – Matthew 25:35-40” If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; And if he is thirsty, give him water to drink…” – Proverbs 25:21“You have not strengthened the weak, healed the sick, bandaged the injured, brought back the strays, or sought the lost. Instead, you have ruled them with violence and cruelty.” – Ezekiel 34:4“Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.” – Romans 12:15“Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by this some have entertained angels without knowing it. Remember the prisoners, as though in prison with them, and those who are ill-treated, since you yourselves also are in the body.” – Hebrews 13:2-3“And if anyone gives even a cup of cold water to one of these little ones who is my disciple, truly I tell you, that person will certainly not lose their reward.” – Matthew 10:42“But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.” – Matthew 6:6“But when you give to the poor, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your charitable giving will be in secret; and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you.” – Matthew 6:3Succeeding at things that really matter

Our family enjoys going to the beach, but we normally wait and go off season. We’ll head to the coast in late February or early April or maybe even September, when schools are back in session after a too-short summer break.

Traveling at odd times means we avoid the crowds. Sometimes, we even have the entire beach to ourselves. We once visited Destin the last week of August and never saw another soul there.

Unfortunately, visiting off-season also means the water’s cooler and the air crisper than in the height of summer. So we spend the majority of our beach time playing in the sand instead of splashing in the ocean or riding on the waves.

The kids bury one another in sand. We run along the beach and fly kites and hunt for seashells. And we build lots and lots of sandcastles.

Eventually, I got smart and started packing a sculpting set to add detail work to our sand sculptures. We embellish the castles with bricks, drawbridges, turrets, and windows. We add scales, fins, and flowing hair or fiery breath to our mermaids and sea monsters.

It’s a lot of fun, but we know from the beginning these creations won’t last. Eventually, the tides roll in and carry them out to sea.

Besides, as soon as Dad’s stomach starts rumbling, he’s ready to pack up and go eat, so we couldn’t invest an inordinate amount of time on our sandcastles, even if/though we were inclined to do so.

Several years back, Doug and I built a real house. A house to live in. A house that took a substantially bigger investment of time and money than the most intricately detailed sandcastle the children and I have ever constructed.

Before we could even begin building, we had to do a couple of months’ worth of clearing the lot and pushing the dirt and preparing the pad, to ensure we’d be working on a solid foundation.

Neither we nor our builder wanted the house to crumble when storms rolled in, as they inevitably do.

Do you remember the parable Jesus told contrasting a wise man who built his house on the rock with a foolish man who built his house on the sand?

Have you ever considered the fact that both builders had heard the same message? The difference was not in the knowledge with which they were working, but in what they did with that knowledge.

The wise man chose to obey the words of Christ. The foolish man opted not to.

Therefore everyone who hears these words of Mine and acts on them, may be compared to a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house; and yet it did not fall, for it had been founded on the rock. Everyone who hears these words of Mine and does not act on them, will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. The rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house; and it fell—and great was its fall. (Matthew 7:24-27)

Both builders worked hard. They both invested time and effort and capital in the construction. But the wise man’s obedience meant he was building on a solid foundation of rock. The foolish man’s carelessness meant he was building upon shifting sand.

[Photo by Gerardo Ramones from Pexels]Lord, teach us to number our days

In actuality, the houses are metaphors for life. They beg the question, “Into what am I pouring my time and energy and effort?

Am I investing in something of eternal value, in obedience to Christ?Or am I sinking my resources into something that’ll crumble as soon as difficulties arise?

Francis Chan observed in his groundbreaking book Crazy Love, “Our greatest fear should not be of failure, but of succeeding at things in life that don’t really matter.”

Francis Chan: Our greatest fear should not be of failure, but of succeeding at things in life that don’t really matter. Click to Tweet

Of course, determining what things in life matter and what things don’t can be a tricky business. That’s because God’s economy often turns the world’s economy on its head.

The world views success in terms of fame and beauty and bank accounts. Power and politics and platform building. Climbing corporate ladders and crashing through glass ceilings. Glitz and glamour.

Scripture stresses the importance of lowlier activities. If we hope to succeed at the things that really matter, we must spend our time…

Caring for orphans and widows (James 1:27)Clothing the naked (Matthew 25:36)Feeding the hungry (Proverbs 25:21)Tending the sick (Ezekiel 34:4)Weeping with those who weep (Romans 12:15)Showing hospitality to strangers (Hebrews 13:2)Visiting those in prison (Hebrews 13:3)Offering a cup of water to a thirsty child (Matthew 10:42)

Jesus sends us into our closet to pray in secret (Matthew 6:6) and tells us to give in such a way that our left hand doesn’t know what the right is doing (Matthew 6:3).

So don’t fall into the trap of thinking that living in obedience to Christ means serving Him in some sort of conspicuous or grandiose way. You can do work that matters as a school teacher, a surgeon, a student, or a stay-at-home mom. You can serve God as an accountant, an artist, an athlete, or even an attorney. (Lawyer jokes aside, we are so grateful for the God-fearing attorneys we know!)

Perhaps someday the Lord may call you to do foreign missions, to pastor a mega-church, or to run for President. If and when that day comes, you’ll need to answer the call.

But for the time being, work on proving yourself faithful in your present, humble circumstances. Honor God, walk in obedience, point others to Him, pray without ceasing – moment by moment, day by day, week by week – right where you are, at home or away, in the boardroom, in the bedroom, or even at the beach.

Succeeding at things that really matter is Jennifer Flanders’ life goal. As a stay-at-home mother of twelve, she’s spent the last 35 years clothing the naked, feeding the hungry, and giving countless cups of water to kids who claim to be thirsty – especially when they’re supposed to be in bed. To read more from this author, check out her books.

The post EP 26: Succeeding at Things that Really Matter appeared first on Loving Life at Home.