Paul Garrigan's Blog, page 44

Intermittent Fasting as a Spiritual Exercise

I am now on week 5 of my 5:2 intermittent fast, and today is my ninth fasting day. It really doesn’t feel like such a big deal anymore. It is a pity that I felt so resistance to this approach to weight control before. I might have avoided the rebound effect that has been so discouraging. For the last few years my weight has been up and down like a yo-yo. I haven’t weighed myself since last week, but it continues to fall steadily. I’ve lost about two and a half kilograms (5.5 pounds). I’ve managed to drop my weight faster than this in the past, but I’m pleased with the way things are going – slow and steady will hopefully mean longer lasting results.

My original motivation for trying 5:2 intermittent fasting is my health. I want to lose a bit of weight and reduce my risk of heart disease (it runs in my family). In the past I’ve viewed fasting as a type of spiritual practice, and this is something that I have been thinking more about in recent days. I’m convinced that 5:2 fasting is not only good for my physical and mental health, but that it also has impressive spiritual benefits as well.

Intermittent Fasting and Meditation

I have attended some meditation retreats here in Thailand, and on these occasions I’ve taken on the Buddhist practice of only eating once a day. This type of fasting is a way of life for the monks in Thailand – although in some temples the rule is simply no more food after noon, but they can eat more than once in the morning. This is not just an ascetic practice, but it also serves a more practical purpose. It means that the monks find it easier to meditate because their energies are freed up from the digestive process. I’m sure anyone who has tried to meditate on a full stomach will be able to appreciate how fasting could be an advantage.

I try to meditate on a daily basis. I’ve noticed a significant difference to these sessions when I’m fasting. I feel mentally calmer, and this means that I’m pulled deeper into the meditation. There is just a feeling of lightness in my body that makes it easier to relax. This has made me curious about what would happen if I attempted a longer fast.

Intermittent Fasting and Lucid Dreaming

I look upon astral travel/ lucid dreaming as a type of spiritual practice. I usually manage one lucid dream every two weeks – although in July I enjoyed a significant increase in their frequency. I haven’t been able to find any technique that guarantees dream lucidity every time, but there are reports of people who have had success with fasting. The problem is that they recommend a three day fast, and that is not something that I feel ready for yet. I do suspect that this technique is effective because I’ve noticed that my dream recall improves when I’m fasting – but I have not yet achieved lucidity on these days.

My Other Posts on 5:2 Intermittent Fasting

Ten weeks of 5:2 Intermittent Fasting

Second Week of 5:2 Fasting Diet

Week Three of the 5:2 Intermittent Fasting Diet

Changes to My 5:2 Intermittent Fasting Plan

Freelance Writers Can Stay Productive Despite Feeling Antsy and Distracted

There are some nice benefits that go along with working as a freelance writer. I don’t have a boss looking over my shoulder, and I more or less get to set my own hours. If the mood takes me I’m able to turn up to work in my underwear, and I never have to deal with office politics. Of course these benefits come with a price. The lack of a boss means that I need to stay self motivated – if I’m not productive I don’t get paid. The ability to set my own schedule makes it far too easy to “goof off” and procrastinate. This can be a particular problem on those days when I’m feeling antsy and distracted.

I Write the Equivalent of a Book Every Two Weeks

On average I produce 35,000 words per week – this includes my own personal writing as well as the work for my clients. This means that my output is the equivalent of one book every fortnight. I know some professional writers who are managing nearer to 50,000 words a week, but I struggle at that level of output. I’ve been doing this full-time now for three years, and I can’t say that I’ve once suffered from writer’s block. I’m not even convinced that such a thing exists or maybe it is just a luxury that I can’t afford. I do get days when writing becomes a real struggle, but this has more to do with antsy feelings.

Days of Feeling Antsy

Working as a freelance writer can be torturous on those days when I’m feeling antsy and distracted. At these times I would be happy to have a boss there to motivate me. The antsy feeling means that anything that is not related to my work becomes fascinating stuff. I can get an almost irresistible urge to go online to seek out useless information. It suddenly becomes vital to my existence that I discover the names of the backing musicians on Rick Ashley’s “Never Going Give You Up” single so that I can find out what they are up to now. This all means that a work project that would normally take a couple of hours takes at least twice as long. When I’m feeling antsy like this it is an achievement to stay focused long enough to write a full sentence. I know that we all get our off times, but these periods of feeling antsy can last for a week or more.

How Not to Deal Antsy Feelings

When I first started experiencing these antsy periods my reaction was to try to fight against it. I wanted to find something that would stop it, but I found out that any form of resistance only ever made the problem worse. It increased the mental agitation rather than soothing it. I even tried meditating for long periods in the hope that this would quiet my mind. I’d end up sitting there like a rat on a hotplate, and by the end of the meditation session I’d be more frustrated than ever. I then just tried to ignore the pull towards distraction completely, but this was just another form of resistance. When fighting against something doesn’t work the only option left is acceptance. I’ve learnt to accept these periods of distraction in much the same way as I accept the arrival of the common cold. I know it will pass, and there are things that I can do that allow me to remain productive.

How to Remain Productive Despite Feeling Antsy and Distracted

I am still less productive on those days when I’m feeling antsy, but I’ve found tools that have greatly improved the situation. I’ve managed to control things enough so that my feeling of distraction only cost me on average an extra hour of work – I can live with that. The tools that have worked for me are:

- I now try to harness the excessive energy in my system and put it to good use. To do this I turn my work into a competition. I use a timer and set myself a goal of writing so many words in fifteen minutes. I’ve found that it is better to keep the periods of time for these challenges short because it is too easy to become distracted with periods longer than 15 minutes.

- When I’m feeling antsy there is always a warm tingling feeling in my abdominal area. I’ve found that mindfully bringing my attention to this area reduces the mental turbulence in my mind. I just stop my work briefly in order to concentrate on this sensation and my focus returns for a few minutes. This might sound like a strange approach but it really does work. I’d urge people to give it a go.

- I’ve written before about how mini meditation breaks increase my productivity, and these can also be useful during these periods when I’m easily distracted. Trying to sit down and meditate for twenty minutes during the work day is a real challenge when I’m feeling antsy but 5 minutes every hour can be a great help.

- I am more affected by music at these times so I try to only have peaceful tunes on in the background.

Raising My Son in Thailand or Ireland

I sometimes wonder if I’m doing the right thing by raising my son in Thailand. I’m happy enough to remain here indefinitely, but I just can’t imagine what type of future Timmy will have if he stays here. I not only have concerns about the education system, but I can also feel threatened by how fast my son is soaking up ‘Thainess’. I’ve had to bite my tongue in response to his latest fondness for wearing large amulets – his friends do it and he wants to do the same. I had hoped to raise Timmy to feel a part of both cultures, but I realize that this is a naive aspiration. He is growing up in Thailand, and that makes him Thai.

End of Term Report

Last week my wife and I were called in for Timmy’s end of term report for kindergarten 2. It came as a shock when one of his English teachers (not a native English speaker) reported back to us that our son did not speak much English. I felt flabbergasted because Timmy speaks it almost all of the time at home – I never speak to him in Thai. This teacher also tried to convince me that my son did not understand the word ‘blanket’ – a word that he has used on an almost daily basis since the age of two. She went on to report that she needed to sometimes speak to Timmy in Thai to get him to understand what she was saying. Like a good parent visiting a Thai school I kept my cool but inside I fumed. I doubt that it is Timmy’s comprehension of English that is the problem here.

I understand that my son can be reluctant to speak English in school. I’ve posted before about the situation ( see Now My Son Only Wants to Speak Thai ). He does not want to be seen as different from his friends who are not able to speak English. I had hoped that the teachers in the school would be able to encourage him, but the fact that one of his English teachers feels the need to speak to my son in Thai indicates that this is not happening. The next day I was able to chat to one of the native speaking English teachers, and he reported that Timmy is doing really well– the only problem is that the material is so below his ability.

The reality is that getting a good education in Thailand is not easy without lots of money. We selected his current school because it seemed to be one of the few places that offered a bilingual program that we could afford. The teachers there appear professional and dedicated, but I’m not impressed with the English program. They only have one native English speaker to cover all their classes. This might be enough for Thai kids who just need an introduction into the language, but it is not enough for a child who is bilingual. I worry that this program is so lightweight that it might be damaging his confidence – especially if English teachers resort to speaking to him in Thai.

Educating My Son in Ireland

If we were to move back to Ireland I know that Timmy would have a better chance of getting a good education. I also believe that he would have more opportunities once he completed his schooling. Of course it would also mean that he would get to know my culture, and it would be something that we could share. There are so many great things about Ireland that I’d love for him to experience. I would be in a much stronger position financially if we moved back home, and it might be nice to get to know the place again after living abroad for 24 years.

There are also plenty of good reasons not to move back to Ireland as well. This is our home. It would be a struggle for him to adjust and being half-Thai might mean that he never feels completely at home. Both of my parents were Irish and I grew up feeling like an outsider so how much harder might it be for my son? Despite any complaints I might have about the Thai education system there is no doubting that this is a great place to bring up kids.

There are also more practical reasons for why a move back to Ireland would be difficult. We have our dog Cola who is part of our family. She is getting on in years and six months in quarantine, so she can move to Ireland, is not a viable option – I couldn’t afford this anyway. It would be difficult to find a good home for her, and there is no way that I’d consider leaving her without at least this.

The other stumbling block to moving back to Ireland is my wife. She has agreed to do it for the benefit of our son, but I know that she’d find it a struggle. We’ve been back to Dublin a few times. She enjoys these trips, but she also suffers from homesickness once the novelty wears off. I was born with itchy feet but Oa is more of a home person.

Someone wise once told me that ‘if you don’t know what to do you should do nothing’. We will probably look for a new school next year, but for the moment our future seems to be in Thailand. I sort of believe in fate, and if we are meant to move to Ireland the universe will push me in that direction.

Anyone else in a similar situation?

How to Quit Being a Drunk – From Arrogance to Willingness

This is part 7 in an ongoing series

The Arrogance of a Drunk

I believe that my own arrogance played almost as major a role in my problems as my addiction to alcohol. Even though at one stage I ended up begging on the streets I still felt able to look down my nose at other people. My usual inclination as a drunk was to first put people up on pedestals and as soon as I got them there to rip them apart. I definitely did not trust the addiction experts or anyone else who tried to help me. I questioned their motivations. I suspected that many of them got a kick out of hearing about my weaknesses because it gave them a sense of power, and the rest of them were in it for the money. If I felt that somebody was trying to tell me what to do I’d automatically dismiss what they were saying – apparently this is called demand resistance.

From what I’ve seen this type of arrogance is common among drunks and other addicts. The experts seem to think that it is some type of defense mechanism to mask our low self esteem – that sounds about right. The reality is that arrogance is a luxury we can’t afford if we hope to break away from addiction permanently. It means that we keep putting conditions on our recovery – a list of things that we are not even willing to consider. We act like a general of an army who has just been demolished in battle, but still tries to negotiate their surrender with a list of demands. In order for me to finally walk away from drunkenness I had to acknowledge that I’d been completely defeated. The arrogance had to go, and I became willing to do whatever it takes to stop being a drunk.

Importance of Being Humble

I eventually became sober at a Thai Buddhist temple called Thamkrabok. Before going there I made a pledge to do whatever it took to become sober. If the monks had told me to run naked around Thailand I would have done it. I saw this as my last chance, and I let go of all my reservations. I believe that it was this humility and willingness that deserves most of the credit for my recovery.

In all my previous attempts at becoming sober I had strong opinions about what options were worthy of my consideration. Despite having some success with Alcoholics Anonymous in the past I did not want to even consider attending the meetings again. In the last few years of my drinking I had grown to despise the group and viewed them as no better than a cult. I also wanted to avoid anything to do with Christianity because I believed that most of the evil in the world could be attributed to that one religion. For a person who was messing up his life so badly I still had plenty of opinions about how other people were getting it wrong. This all meant that my attempts at recovery always came with conditions, and I only felt willing to do the things that fit in with my current view of the world. This arrogance had to be let go of, and I became humble enough to consider any option. I had hit bottom and beggars can’t be choosers. In the end I did not need the help of AA, but I got rid of my aversion to it. If staying sober had meant going to a meeting every day for the rest of my life then that is what I’d be doing now.

Willingness to do Whatever it Takes

I still have my bad days when I get puffed up with arrogance, but I did manage to break through this wall enough to allow me to become sober. I felt beaten and humble and this meant that I became teachable. I stopped being a skeptic and became a pragmatist. I became willing to consider anything that might work for me – I did not need to know how it worked or if it worked for other people. I put no conditions on my sobriety and at the time would have settled for just getting the pain to stop. I gave up being a rejectionist and started to say yes to things more often. I believe that anyone who can develop this type of willingness will have no problems becoming sober and staying that way.

It can be difficult for drunks to give up on their arrogance. It is how we protect ourselves from other people, and we can feel vulnerable without out. Becoming humble involves a leap of faith. We have to trust that nobody will try to take advantage of us or hurt us. We become humble because we realize that we have no choice – life keeps bending our arm until we get down on our knees. We then make the amazing discovery that we actually now feel stronger than we ever did in the past. When we stop resisting the world things just seem to flow better.

Part one – Welcome to the Series

Part two – The Payoff

Part Three -Alcoholism is a choice

Part Four – Rock Bottom Myth

Part Five- The Problem with Ambivalence

Part Six- Getting Motivated

Part Seven – From Arrogance to Willingness

Changes to My 5:2 Intermittent Fasting Plan

I am now almost at the end of week three of my 5:2 intermittent fasting plan. I’m pleased with my progress, but I’ve decided to make a couple of changes. These alterations to my course have been inspired by reading about the experiences of other people on this diet.

Fasting for 24 Hours

Up until now I’ve been having my 600 calories around noon on the fast day, and then eating again early the next morning. This means that I’m only ever fasting for a maximum of sixteen hours on each side of my light meal. I’ve read in a couple of places that to maximize the effectiveness of this diet it is best to have 24 hours without food. This makes sense so for the last couple of fasting days I have not eating anything for 24 hours after consuming my 600 calorie meal.

Eating Earlier on Fasting Days

I made my first attempt of going 24 hours without food on Tuesday. I had my last meal at noon and did not eat anything again until noon the next day. When I woke up on Wednesday morning I did not feel one bit hungry, but by 10 am I felt starving. I managed to hold off any food until noon, but I felt grumpy and found it hard to concentrate on anything. I had my second fasting day of the week yesterday, and this time I ate my one meal of the day at 10 am. This has worked out much better. I felt fine this morning, and I’m due to eat in another 10 minutes.

My Body Weight is Falling Steadily

In my last post I mentioned my disappointment after noticing a tiny increase in weight after one of the fast days. This now seems like an insignificant blip because overall my weight is falling steadily. I weighed myself this morning and it came up as 78.2 kg – this means that I’ve lost 2 kg (4.4 pounds) in less than three weeks.

My Other Posts on 5:2 Intermittent Fasting

Ten weeks of 5:2 Intermittent Fasting

Second Week of 5:2 Fasting Diet

Week Three of the 5:2 Intermittent Fasting Diet

Interview with Bangkok Podcast

I recently appeared on the Bangkok Podcast where I talk about my new book Muay Thai Fighter. I would like to thank Anthony and Greg for allowing me to appear on their show again. I get talking at about the 21 minute mark on the podcast – you can listen to it by pressing on the link here.

Week Three of the 5:2 Intermittent Fasting Diet

I’ve only been attempting this 5:2 intermittent fasting diet for a little over two weeks, but it already feels like part of my routine. I do get hungry on those days when I’m restricted to 600 calories, but on the plus side I’ve found that my energy levels are higher when I’m fasting. I’ve also noticed that I seem to be more mentally focused on these days. I wouldn’t go say far as to say that I now look forward to my two days of restricted calories, but I certainly don’t dread them – something that I worried might happen.

No Need to be Good All the Time

5:2 intermittent fasting differs a great deal from any other approach that I’ve turned to for losing weight. I’ve had some success with mindful eating in the past, but the difficulty I had with this is staying mindful every day. The thing I like most about intermittent fasting is that I don’t have to be good all the time. I only really need to focus on my diet twice a week. I do try to eat reasonably well the rest of the time, but there is not the same sense of striving day in and day out as there can be with other diets. This is why I feel hopeful that the intermittent fasting approach is sustainable long term.

Weighing Scales Danger

At the beginning of this attempt I did hope to avoid the weighing scales completely, but I haven’t managed to do this. I’ve being getting on the scales the mornings after my fasting days because I mistakenly believed that the news could only be good. This is why on Saturday it came as a bit of a disappointment to find that I’d put on a bit of weight (0.2 kg/ 0.44 pounds) since my last time on the scales. I know that these single readings don’t mean much, but it did feel a bit disheartening after a day of fasting. This is exactly why I wanted to keep away from the scales altogether. I have not weighed myself since Saturday but so far I’ve lost about 1.4 kg (just over 3 pounds).

My Exercise Regime

I have not had time for any Muay Thai training in recent weeks. My exercise regime consists of the 5 Tibetans in the morning, and I do about an hour of stepping up and down on a wooden step that my wife made for me. Leo left a comment on the last intermittent fasting post recommending that I only engage in low intensity (fat burning) exercises on my fast days, and this makes sense.

If people are interested in following this diet there is now a Facebook Page devoted to it- 5:2 Intermittent Fasting. I’d like to thank Jo for pointing me towards this group.

My Other Posts on 5:2 Intermittent Fasting

Ten weeks of 5:2 Intermittent Fasting

Second Week of 5:2 Fasting Diet

Mini Meditation Breaks to Increase Productivity

There are days when I can spend over ten hours working on the computer. If I’m firing on all cylinders I can work well for the first six hours, but after this my productivity drops dramatically. My thinking becomes cloudy, and I start to make more mistakes. Over the last couple of years I’ve experimented with a number of techniques to help me remain productive for longer, and the most effective solution that I’ve found has been mini meditation breaks.

How 5 Minute Meditation Breaks Increase My Productivity

I’ve experimented with various meditation schedules. The pattern that has proved most effective, in regards to increasing productivity, is 5 minutes every hour. I find that meditating any longer than this can be counterproductive when it comes to work – it leaves me feeling too spacey and groggy. The fact that these sessions are so short means that I don’t descend deeply into a meditative state, but it is just enough to give my brain a boost. The end result is that I can now work productively for an extra two hours of my day. This is important for someone who is freelancing like me and gets paid by the amount of work they can do. Five minutes devoted to meditation every hour may sound like a lot, but it only adds up to forty minutes over the course of a workday. These breaks allow me to work for longer so they are definitely worth it, and this is not to mention the health benefits associated with this type of practice.

How to Quit Being a Drunk – Getting Motivated

This is Part 6 in an Ongoing Series

By the end of my drinking I had become quite skilful at summoning up the motivation to quit. The problem was not so much getting to the point of stopping but of then staying stopped. This is because my determination to give up alcohol would fade unless I took deliberate action to maintain it. I was also missing another key ingredient – the willingness to do whatever it takes to break away from alcohol (I’ll be talking about this in the next article). I found motivation to be the first vital step to breaking away from addiction. If I’m forced to choose a metaphor, I would say that it is the fuel in the engine of recovery.

Life Falling Apart Was Never Enough Motivation

I can remember most of my drinking years as involving a pathetic existence but suffering rarely worked for me as a motivation to quit. If anything this misery gave me even more reason to get drunk. It wasn’t so much hitting rock bottom that woke me up, but the realization that I did not have to be there. The real driving force behind all my attempts to quit was the nagging feeling that my life could be so much better. Those times before when I’d managed to stay sober had given me a taste of what was possible. At the end of my addiction I would have been just happy for the pain to stop, but it was the hope that there could be more than this that really motivated me to keep on searching for a solution.

The Secret to Developing the Motivation to Quit Alcohol

Books and the internet were not enough to get me sober, but they could help me develop the motivation to quit. I would immerse myself in all the recovery literature I could get my hands on. The aim was to deliberately brainwash myself so that getting sober became my number one priority. Sometimes I had to do this for a few days, but it always worked for me eventually. I found the inspirational stories of people who had managed to quit and gone on to live a good life to be the most potent – I couldn’t get enough of them (one of the main reasons why I keep writing about recovery is the memory of how such content did make a difference to me).

Another trick that I’d use for increasing my motivation was writing. I would try to get all the junk inside my head down on paper. I’d brainstorm reasons for why my life would be better without alcohol, and I always felt mentally clearer after I’d done this. I would also dissect any excuses that I had for continued drinking, and these never stood up to any type of scrutiny once they were written down.

Another strategy that I found useful was to give myself pep talks. My inner personal trainer ridiculed my doubts and cheered on my efforts. It felt like tapping into an inner strength that was beyond anything I could normally muster. I suffered badly from low self esteem in those days, but I was still able to pretend to be confident and somehow this made me feel more confident. I suppose this is what they mean in Alcoholics Anonymous when they say you need to fake it to make it.

I would keep using these strategies until I felt ready to stop. I’d try to spend as many of my waking hours as possible focused on recovery until I reached the tipping point.

How to Quit Being a Drunk Series

Part one – Welcome to the Series

Part two – The Payoff

Part Three -Alcoholism is a choice

Part Four – Rock Bottom Myth

Part Five- The Problem with Ambivalence

Part Six- Getting Motivated

Learning to Judge Less and Accept More

A trap that I too regularly fall into is wasting time worrying about what other people are doing and thinking. For some reason this tends to happen more with me when my life is going well. One of the benefits of having the shit hit the fan is that it does not leave me much time to worry about what strangers are up to. On an intellectual level I know that judging other people is a terribly bad idea, but this does not stop me from doing it.

Judging Comes in Many Forums

Almost all the judging I do these days occurs with strangers posting on web forums. As you can probably tell from the blog I am a bit of a fan of spiritual endeavors, but almost all the forums devoted to this topic attract skeptics. I don’t usually set out to get into a debate, but sometimes I can’t resist rising to the bait. It isn’t even like I want to change these people’s views – it is more like I want to beat them over the head with them. It is just so easy to fall into ‘us and them’ thinking and this is where the judging starts. The fact that the web is anonymous makes it even easier to demonize the other side.

One of the main dangers with judging another person is that it makes it almost impossible to understand what they are actually saying. This because by forming a judgement I have already decided that I know what they are going to say. My goal then becomes to prove them wrong. There are plenty of other people out there who are doing the exact same thing, and this is why these online debates often turn into personal attacks rather than exchanging information. I know that the intensity of these debates makes them entertaining, but I always walk away feeling a bit depressed – even on those occasions when it felt like I was on the winning side.

I find that negativity is a drain on my energy, and judging other people is one of the most potent forms of negativity. My views about life are changing all the time so it seems a bit silly to judge others for having different views than my own. I’m fairly confident that in a year’s time I will look back on my current beliefs and opinions and decide that at least some of them were wrong. This is what happens every year, and I see it as a good thing. I would imagine that if there were an online forum where I could communicate with the ‘me’ from past years it would involve a constant flame war.

My Goal is to Accept More

One thing that I’ve discovered in regards to changing undesirable parts of my personality and behavior is that it is usually easier to do something rather than not do something. If I made a commitment to not judging other people I’m fairly certain that I would fail even before the end of the day. I think the real answer is for me to become more accepting of other people. This means fully accepting the idea that people will always have good reasons for what they believe, and that they are not just holding such beliefs in an attempt to piss me off.