Paul Garrigan's Blog, page 43

I Miss Writing Fiction

I gave up on fiction three years ago after turning full time as a writer. This was a purely practical decision, and it made good sense at the time. I couldn’t see much hope of ever earning a living from my stories. I also didn’t have the energy after working on the computer all day for anything more than an occasional blog post. When I became a full time writer it felt like I’d achieved a lifetime ambition, but it also meant giving up on a dream. I’d always wanted to write fiction but it seemed like a reasonable compromise. Now I’m no longer so sure.

Fiction is Stranger than Truth

I started writing stories at around the age of 7. At first this involved creating my own comic books. I have to admit that these were pretty poor efforts (the graphics were particularly bad), but I did enjoy putting them together. In my teenage years I’d write short stories. Even during my two decades of being a drunk I kept on writing. These efforts were always full of self pity and negativity. I now know that this was because my own situation infected the characters in my stories. I didn’t like to show this writing to other people because there was probably enough evidence in them to have me committed to an insane asylum. I now regret that I didn’t keep these notebooks full of stories because it would be a good reminder of what I escaped.

I first began sharing my writing with other people six years ago. I created a blog and some of the content of this became my book Dead Drunk. I felt comfortable writing about my own life, and it somehow felt less personal than sharing my fiction. I know that this may not make sense, but it is like my fictional stories are coming from somewhere deeper inside and this makes them more revealing. I suspect that we can learn more about people from the things they write as fiction than the things they write as fact. There is less censorship with fiction because things have a habit of just sneaking in there.

I sometimes think about characters from my fiction as if they were real people. I dream about them. It is like these people who only ever existed in my mind are haunting me. I will associate them with names and places. Writing fiction is similar to lucid dreaming/ astral travel (another hobby of mine) in that we can create our own worlds and go play in them. Just like astral travel we can come out of the experience wondering if the characters we created are somehow real.

I Miss the Passion of Writing Fiction

I miss fiction. Much of the passion has gone out of writing since I gave it up. Sometimes it just feels like I’m just going through the motions. I know that my technique and style has improved since turning full time but most days it just feels like a job. I now think of myself more as a small business owner than a writer, and this was never my intention.

It is going to involve making a few sacrifices, but I’m going to start writing fiction again. Even if I only do this for half an hour a day it will be worth it. I might never show this work to anyone else, but it is something that I need to do for me. I want that passion for writing back.

From Intermittent Fasting to Juice Feasting

In a post last week I mentioned some changes that I wanted to make to my 5:2 intermittent diet. Instead of eating only one meal of 600 calories on my two fasting days I intended to drink juice instead. These changes seemed necessary because I was beginning to struggle with the 5:2 diet after 7 weeks of it.

My first juice fasting day was Monday and things went so well that I just kept going until Friday. I’m pleased with the results of my first juice fast, and this is something that I plan to do again soon. I lost about 1.5 kg but I don’t see this as a viable way to control my weight. It did make a difference to my energy levels, and I just feel healthier afterwards. I have a history of being initially enthusiastic with new health regimes but then losing interest, but I am optimistic about juicing.

Juice Fasting or Juice Feasting

I’ve fasted for 14 days in the last couple of months and juicing does feel more like feasting than fasting. I was drinking over 2 liters of vegetable juice per day plus half a liter of fruit juice so I never felt hungry – or at least I didn’t until Friday. I did some wild experiments with vegetable mixes and these concoctions weren’t always that tasty, but I had no problem drinking them. On the second morning I woke up with what felt like hangover symptoms, something I haven’t experienced in over six years, but this only lasted about 10 minutes. One of the other downsides of juicing was that I developed diarrhea, but apparently this settles down on a longer juice feast.

On Friday I started to feel a bit strange (tired and unable to concentrate) so I stopped the juice fast right there. I hadn’t planned to go that long any way so there was no sense of failure. I think it would have been a mistake to overdo it on the first fast, but I am curious to see what will happen if I go longer next time. My body just felt younger and more fell of energy after the fast so it definitely seemed a worthwhile thing to do.

I’m going to be better prepared for my next juice feast, and I might try for 10 days. This seems to be a good length of time to get most of the benefits of this type of detox. If I could manage this type of fast twice a year it would probably go a long way towards staying healthy – so long as I don’t eat junk all the time in between.

My Other Posts on 5:2 Intermittent Fasting

Ten weeks of 5:2 Intermittent Fasting

Second Week of 5:2 Fasting Diet

Week Three of the 5:2 Intermittent Fasting Diet

Changes to My 5:2 Intermittent Fasting Plan

Intermittent Fasting as a Spiritual Exercise

5:2 Fasting Diet Update Week 6

Hardest Day Yet with 5:2 Intermittent Fasting

Off the Rails with the 5:2 Fasting Diet

Undrunk: A Skeptics Guide to AA

I’ve written previous blog posts sharing my views in regards to Alcoholics Anonymous (see Why All the Hatred for Alcoholics Anonymous?). This program does help people who want to quit drinking, but it is not an approach that works for everyone. I have a great deal of respect for this fellowship, but it worries me when the program is promoted as the only real solution for drunks because it isn’t. I also dislike it when critics of the fellowship try to paint it as some type of evil brainwashing cult – it isn’t that either.

My blog posts about AA have elicited some interesting comments from both sides of the debate. One reader suggested that I read an Book called Undrunk: A Skeptics Guide to AA. I don’t usually do book reviews on request (mostly because I’m not very good at it), but I will make an exception here because it is such an interesting topic.

Undrunk: A Skeptics Guide to AA by A.J. Adams

The title of this book had me worried that it might be some type of skeptic/debunker hatchet job that would provide an unfair assessment of AA. Most of what passes as skepticism today doesn’t appeal that much to me– probably because some (all?) of my own beliefs would fall into their category of woo woo. The skepticism involved in Undrunk: A Skeptics Guide to AA is of the very light variety so my initial concerns were unwarranted. In fact there were even times reading the book when I felt turning the skepticism up a notch might have been helpful.

The most interesting parts of Undrunk were when A.J. discussed his struggles with AA and his initial difficulties with understanding the program. I also felt coerced into attending my first AA meetings, and I remember what it was like to sit there waiting for the chat to end so that I could hit a bar. A.J. uses humor when talking about this period of his life, but his pain and shame is obvious without him having to spell it out. These stories are made all the more powerful because of the honesty involved.

Good Introduction to AA

A.J. does a good job of describing what it is like to be a new member of AA, and anyone who has never used the fellowship is going to gain some good insight from this book. He tackles most of the issues that newcomers are likely to face, and he is willing to share his own mistakes so that other people can learn from them. I liked the fact that A.J. was able to provide so much useful information about the group without ever going into lecture mode.

My one criticism of Undrunk: A Skeptics Guide to AA would be A.J.’s assessment in the introduction for why people fail to take advantage of “the most effective treatment for alcoholism in the world”. He provides four reasons for this; the alcoholic has not suffered enough, their mistaken belief that AA is old fashioned, the mistaken idea that the program is too difficult, and “people either don’t know anything about AA or they don’t like what they think they know”.

I’m going to ignore the claim that AA is the most effective treatment in the world except to say that I’m not sure how this could even be ever proved. What really bothers me is the insinuation in these four options that the drunk is somehow at fault for not wanting the program. It ignores the reality that AA does not work for all alcoholics, and it is not the best solution for all alcoholics. It may be fairer to say that it is only the best program for a minority of alcoholics.

Undrunk: A Skeptics Guide to AA is going to be of most value to those who don’t know much about the fellowship and are considering it as an option. It is also an inspirational read for those who are struggling with an addiction and who are in need of some encouragement. This book was written by A.J. after being just one year sober so hopefully he will write something else further down the line. It will be interesting to see if his views change. I wish him all the best.

Off the Rails with the 5:2 Fasting Diet

I went off the rails a bit this week with my 5:2 fasting diet. In my last post I mentioned some concerns I had about my failure to lose any weight and increasing hunger pains on my fast days. I received some great suggestions in the comment section from you guys, but it wasn’t enough to motivate me to stick to my fast days this week. I’ve just got too much work on at the moment (which is a nice change from two months ago when I feared there would be no more work), and I can’t be productive when overly hungry.

New Approach to 5:2 Fasting

This week I failed to stick to my plan for 5:2 fasting but what’s done is done. There is no point in beating myself up over it. To be honest it felt like the right choice to make because what I was doing had stopped working for me. I did eat too much junk over the last few days, and I’ve probably undone some of the good work of the last seven weeks but that’s where I am. All is not lost because I am now moving into 5:2 Fasting Mark 2.

I do believe that fasting is benefiting me even if it is not bringing my weight down as low as I’d like. I’m going to try a different approach which involves combining the 5:2 intermittent fasting diet with juicing. This will mean instead of eating just one meal for 24 hours I will be able to drink juice during that period. I expect to still feel a bit of hunger but hopefully it will mean that I can still be productive – at least more than when I was eating nothing. I’ll try to use plenty of broccoli (and similar vegetables) to help me get enough protein into these juices. On my fasting days I’ll also eliminate coffee but allow myself green tea.

Juicing My Way to Health

I’ve purchased about three books on juicing over the last couple of years, but never got around to actually giving it a go. I like the idea of being able to get the goodness out of many servings of vegetables without actually haven’t to eat them. I don’t like eating vegetables but my years of alcoholism are evidence that I can drink practically anything.

I really enjoyed the movie Fat Sick and Nearly Dead , but I didn’t think that juicing would be something that I could maintain. I’ve been able to fast for 14 days during the last 7 weeks so now I know that this is something that I probably could do. Yesterday I made a major commitment to juicing by blowing my monthly entertainment budget on a juicer – it cost just under 4,000 THB (100 Euro or $130 from Fashion Island here in Bangkok). I gave the juicer a go this morning and it was a bit scary to see how much vegetables it used to create a couple of glasses of juice – it tasted wonderful though even if I overdid it with the ginger. Hopefully I won’t have to sell my kidney in order to be able to afford these drinks.

Next week I’m going to try two fasting days where I’ll stick to juice. I’m not going to limit the amount of juice I consume because it will probably be difficult for me to mange more than 500 calories of the stuff. If my appetite doesn’t keep my consumption in check my budget will. If these fasting days go well I might try doing two juice fast days together, and from there I might try for longer. I don’t want to use juicing as a quick way to lose weight. I want this to become part of my way of life. I’ve read reports from people who have been juicing for decades, and they report some impressive results.

My Other Posts on 5:2 Intermittent Fasting

Ten weeks of 5:2 Intermittent Fasting

Second Week of 5:2 Fasting Diet

Week Three of the 5:2 Intermittent Fasting Diet

Changes to My 5:2 Intermittent Fasting Plan

Intermittent Fasting as a Spiritual Exercise

5:2 Fasting Diet Update Week 6

Hardest Day Yet with 5:2 Intermittent Fasting

Hardest Day Yet with 5:2 Intermittent Fasting

Last Friday was my fourteenth fasting day, and it turned out to be the hardest one yet. I’m not sure what happened but from 4pm onwards it was a real struggle not to eat. I felt starving and almost gave into temptation a couple of times. I did make it until the end of the fast, but it wasn’t fun at all. I felt a bit crushed the next day because after all that effort my weight had actually gone by 0.4 kg.

I am Starting to Have Doubts about the 5:2 Intermittent Fasting Diet

I’m no longer convinced that intermittent fasting is the best way for me to control my weight. This approach does seem to be working for some other people, but I’m now hitting diminishing returns. I could accept my weight leveling out at 77kg, but the fact that I’m starving myself for 48 hours each week and putting on weight is a worry. I don’t believe that I’m eating more than usual on my non-fast days. Other people have warned me that there is a risk that these short fasts could be putting my body into weight preservation mode, and this does seem to be happening.

While I feel less than overwhelmed by the weight loss effect of 5:2 intermittent fasting it has increased my interest of fasting in general. I do feel that my body gets a good cleanout on these fast days, and I’m convinced of the spiritual benefits of this practice. I find that I’m able to meditate more deeply on fasting days, and my dreams also tend to be a bit more vivid. I want to experiment with longer fasts – maybe trying to do 72 hours.

Where to Go From Here?

I’ve completed seven weeks of 5:2 intermittent fasting, and my original plan was to do three more. I don’t want to go through another fast like Friday if it is not going to produce any real benefits. On the other hand, I do want to see this thing through to the end – maybe the last three weeks can be as productive as the first three weeks. My next fast day is on Tuesday so I’ll wait and see what happens then. I could do with some encouragement at this point so if anyone out there is having success with the 5:2 diet please feel free to share in the comment section.

My Other Posts on 5:2 Intermittent Fasting

Ten weeks of 5:2 Intermittent Fasting

Second Week of 5:2 Fasting Diet

Week Three of the 5:2 Intermittent Fasting Diet

Changes to My 5:2 Intermittent Fasting Plan

Intermittent Fasting as a Spiritual Exercise

5:2 Fasting Diet Update Week 6

Air Guitar as a Path to Fitness

I’ve shared some of my darkest secrets on this blog, but there are some things that feel just too embarrassing to reveal. I worry that if people knew about these other things they might laugh at me or think a bit less of me. Today I’m going to take a leap of faith and trust that my readers are open-minded and non-judgmental. I’m going to admit that I’m a middle age man who likes nothing more than playing an imaginary guitar while pretending to be Kurt Cobain. I do this alone in my office with a chair jammed against the door so that nobody can come in.

My Dark Secret

I haven’t told my wife about this strange hobby of air guitar. I’m not even sure if this is something that a she could understand – it is not a behaviour I’ve seen any Thais engage in. A couple of times Oa has noticed my door locked in the evening, and she probably suspects that with all the bumping noise I’m up to something a bit more sinister. She is good enough never to quiz me too hard about my flushed face, but she accepts my claims of “just exercising” with obvious scepticism. Not that I’m telling her a lie because air guitar is superb exercise.

Air Guitar as a Path to Fitness

Air guitar is the most enjoyable type of exercise ever invented. There is no need to buy any equipment – all that is needed is my imagination and some loud music. Forty minutes of this imaginary guitar playing can get my heart going almost as much as a few rounds of pads in Muay Thai. I’m sure it burns plenty of calories. Best of all is that it doesn’t feel like exercise at all, and it always puts me in a good mood.

Positive Thinking or Denial – Video and Podcast

In this video I discuss some of the things that can go wrong when I allow positive thinking to turn into denial. I’m convinced that a positive mental attitude impacts the way I experience the world, but it is also important for me to acknowledge negative feelings. You will find the podcast for this video underneath the video (music for this is provided by Doug and Judy Smith).

Podcast Powered By Podbean

5:2 Fasting Diet Update Week 6

Yesterday was my 11th fasting day. My weight loss has noticeably slowed down now, and I have only dropped about 0.4 kg (less than a pound) in two weeks. My current weight is 77.8kg (171 pounds). I had hoped that just sticking to the 5:2 plan would be enough to bring my weight down to where I want it, but it is obvious now that more effort is required. It won’t be the end of the world if my weight stabilizes where it is, but I would prefer to get it below 75kg. I now look a bit lumpy rather than obviously fat.

Further Action to Bring My Weight Down

If I want to get my weight down further I will need to be more careful on my non fasting days. I don’t go too wild but the problem areas would include:

- I love the vegetarian burgers that my wife makes, and I’ll eat these up to three times a week. The problem isn’t so much the burgers, but the fact that I eat them with 6 slices of white bread.

- Most of the Thai food that I eat is fried.

- I tend to stuff myself with fruit just before going to bed. I spoke to a sports nutritionist last year, and he reckoned that eating excessive carbohydrates prior to bedtime is one of the worst things you can do. If I’m going to eat before bed I should stick to protein foods.

- I haven’t been exercising enough.

If I want to bring my weight down further I will need to be a bit stricter in regards to these problem areas. I must admit that I’m a tiny bit disappointed. I had hoped that once I reached my target I’d be able to drop to 1 fasting day a week. At the moment it seems that I need almost the full two fasting days just to keep my weight stabilized.

My Other Posts on 5:2 Intermittent Fasting

Ten weeks of 5:2 Intermittent Fasting

Second Week of 5:2 Fasting Diet

Week Three of the 5:2 Intermittent Fasting Diet

Changes to My 5:2 Intermittent Fasting Plan

Intermittent Fasting as a Spiritual Exercise

Freelance Writing with the Pomodoro Technique

I first heard about the Pomodoro technique last year, but at the time I dismissed it as a bit simplistic. I now regret this lack of curiosity because it turns out that this is the most effective productivity tool that I’ve ever used. In fact it is the simplicity of the technique that makes it so powerful. I’ve only been using the Pomodoro method for a few days, but it has already helped me get 30% more writing completed each day. Best of all I feel more in control of my workflow, and I can stay focused for longer.

How the Pomodoro Technique Works

The pomodoro technique was created by Francesco Cirillo back in the 1980s. He devised a method of time management using an egg timer which just happened to be shaped like a tomato -‘pomodoro’ is Italian for ‘tomato’. The technique involves breaking down time in the 25 minute units and these are called a ‘pomodora’. These units of time are inadvisable so it is not possible to have something like a ‘half pomodoro’.

There is a free eBook that explains the correct method for following the pomodoro technique, but the way that I’ve been using it is:

- Instead of allotting a set period of time to a project I now deal exclusively in pomodoros. My goal is to complete a set number of pomodoro each day.

- Between each pomodoro is a five minute break and after four pomodoro there is a fifteen minute break.

- I use a timer to countdown to 25 minutes and as soon as it rings I stop working (even if I’m in the middle of a sentence).

- If I become too distracted, or if I’m interrupted, than that pomodoro does not count. I have to take a 5 minute break and start all over again.

- The pomodoro only counts if I have used the full 25 minutes.

- At the start of my workday I will list all my jobs with estimations for how many pomodoro each will take. If there are tasks that are likely to take less than one pomodoro then I try to combine these with other short tasks to make a full pomodoro.

The Reasons I Love the Pomodoro Technique

I’ve found that the main benefits of the pomodoro technique are:

- I forget to take breaks from my writing, and this means that I become less effective as the day goes on. By taking regular 5 minute breaks I am able to retain my focus for much longer.

- I feel more efficient, effective, and professional. It forces me to view things more like a small business owner than a writer – something that I need to do in order to survive.

- It is easier for me to divide up my day so that I get the most work done.

- I can now see clearly the monetary value to me of any project I accept. Like many freelance writers I get paid by the word. It is easy to be fooled into thinking that because a client pays more per word that they will be paying the most overall. By judging a project by the number of pomodoro it requires, as well as the amount per word, I get a clearer picture of its monetary value.

- I can now put a monetary value on the amount of research I do for an article.

- In a recent article I mentioned how difficult it can be to stay focused on those days when I’m feeling antsy .The competitive element of trying to get as many pomodoro in one day as possible makes it easier to stay attentive.

- Another tool that I’ve been using to increase productivity is mini meditation breaks and these fit in well with the pomodoro technique.

Negative Aspects of the Pomodoro Technique

I’m impressed with the pomodoro technique and I will be adopting it going forward in my career. No system is perfect, and I do have a few quibbles with this productivity tool such as:

- It is hard not to feel a bit irritated when I need to abandon a pomodoro half way through because of interruption. This morning I almost snapped at my son because he came into my office when I’d only five minutes left to finish.

- I worry that I’ll lose my train of thought by stopping in the middle of a sentence because the timer has gone off.

Unfair Irish Holiday Visa Demands for my Thai Wife

I haven’t been back to Ireland in well over 2 years so I’m looking forward to going there in December. Our main reason for choosing this time of year is so that my son can experience an Irish Christmas with our family over there. It does mean taking him out of school for a few weeks, but my wife and I feel that it will be worth it. This could be his last chance as a child to experience this time of year in Dublin because taking him out of school as he gets older will be more of a big deal. Timmy was in Ireland for Christmas 2009, but he was then too young to appreciate it.

Irish Immigration and Their Love of Hoops

In order for us to be able to go to Ireland in December we will first need to get my wife a tourist visa. Up until a few years ago the wife or husband of an Irish national could easily obtain this type of visa – in fact they were entitled to an Irish passport if they wanted. This has now changed and my wife is treated like any other Thai person who wants to visit Ireland – i.e. made to jump through lots of hoops.

I wrote a blog post a couple of years ago about the hassles we needed to go through in order to get my wife an Irish holiday visa. It seemed unnecessarily complicated but now they’ve added additional hoops for my family to jump through. As well as all the documents that were previously required we now need additional paperwork including:

- My bank statements for the last six months

- My wife’s bank statement for the last six months

- My wife’s house book (tabian baan) with a copy translated into English

- Evidence of travel insurance

- Utility bills from my home in Ireland (even though I have not lived there for 12 years!)

- Evidence of flight booked.

Another new requirement is that we turn up to the Irish Consulate in person in order to apply whereas before we could do everything by post. This means that I’ll lose a day of work. I will also need to hunt down an official translator to have my wife’s documents translated into English. After these hoops have been cleared we will then have to wait for a few weeks to hear if the visa has been granted.

Demands for an Irish Holiday Visa for my Thai Wife are Unfair

It might sound like I’m whining about having to provide a bit of paperwork, but I do feel that this whole system put in place by immigration is unfair. Irish people can just turn up in Thailand and get a holiday visa on arrival – the only documentation required for this is their passport. I thought these visa agreements were meant to be reciprocal? Oa is married to an Irish citizen, and is the mother of an Irish citizen, yet she is expected to provide a mountain of paperwork and assurances just to get a lousy holiday visa. I just don’t understand it. Ireland is hardly the land of milk and honey these days now the economy has tanked. My wife has been there twice already and had no problem sticking to the conditions of her visa. So why all the extra documentation? Oa doesn’t understand why Irish people can come to Thailand so easily yet it is so difficult for her to travel to Ireland – I can’t give her an answer.

The Irish Consulate here in Bangkok wants evidence that we’ve booked our flights but they do not want us to pay for it until the visa is granted. This is unreasonable because it is difficult these days to book a flight without first paying for it. In order to get a good deal I’ve already needed to pay over 3,000 euros on a non-refundable ticket. This means that if my wife’s visa is not granted I’ll lose a huge chunk of money.

I don’t expect there to be any problems with Irish immigration granting my wife’s holiday visa for Ireland this year but who knows. It does bother me that the demands for obtaining this visa are increasing every time we apply for it. The people we deal with at the Irish Consulate in Bangkok are consistently friendly and helpful but the demands coming from higher up the immigration chain are unreasonable and unfair.