Paul Garrigan's Blog, page 42

Love What Is

I now accept that the secret to inner peace is to love what is. It’s as simple or as hard as that. There is no need to devote myself to decades of self improvement courses or for me to adopt any particular metaphysical worldview. If I can love what is, it means that I’m already standing on the winner’s podium of life. Of course this is all easier said than done, and there is a multimillion dollar industry out there that promises to teach us to develop such radical acceptance. My experience has been that this ‘loving what is’ is a choice I make from moment to moment, and it is not something I need to learn how to do. Reading about acceptance, or attending seminars on the topic, might just be a form of procrastination.

Developing the Ability to Love What Is

It is not earth shattering news to hear that the way to become good at something is to continuously practice. The more we do something the easier it will be for us to repeat it in the future (with the exception of my guitar playing). There is plenty of science to back this up. It has been shown that the brain creates stronger neural pathways for those things that are repeated frequently.

It can be a frustrating process, but we can train our mind to be more positive or more accepting toward life. It takes time and shortcuts might actually be a waste of time. I’m not that good at this type of deliberate dedicated practice over the long term, but there is an easier way. Just by committing myself to living life on life’s terms, I’m naturally developing an increased ability to love what is. Notice that I’m not saying here that I do live life on life’s terms; I’m just saying that this is something I’m committed to. I have good days and bad days, but each of the good days takes me further along the path.

Living Life on Life’s Terms

I found out the hard way that going against the flow in life leads to suffering. Every time that I try to hide from reality, or worse resist it, I end up in a world of pain. If you read my blog regularly, you will have no problem finding examples of where I’ve messed up in this regard. When the shit hits the fan the temptation is to fall into old habits. It can take a bit of time before I remember my commitment to live my life on life’s terms, but once I do this the suffering ends. I can see that I’m making progress because the gaps between life throwing me a wobbly and me actually dealing with things is narrowing – most of the time.

It is only a short hop and a skip from living life on life’s terms to loving what is. This is because when I’m resisting something there is no way that I can appreciate it. By dealing with things I get to see that there is always something in life to celebrate. Even on the shittiest day it is possible to find moments of joy. Days that are truly shitty are quite rare, and they pass.

Thamkrabok Temple Does Not Offer a Magical Solution to Addiction Problems

I managed to break free of a two decade alcohol addiction at a Thai temple called Thamkrabok. I will always feel indebted to that place, and the people there who helped me. In the past, I’ve even used the word magical to describe my experiences at this Buddhist treatment facility, but this is not because I believe that they offer a magical cure to addiction problems. It is what happened to me while there that makes it such a special place from my perspective.

Why I Do Not Promote Wat Thamkrabok as the Solution to Addiction Problems

Much of the content of my book Dead Drunk deals with my experiences at Thamkrabok temple. Since I began writing about all this five years ago I’ve received hundreds of emails from other people who are considering this as an option. I’m always delighted to share my positive experiences, but I never actively encourage anyone to go there. This is because I’m convinced that when the individual is ready to break away from addiction, it does not really matter where they go. They are an unstoppable force and when the student is ready the teacher will appear. In some cases the teacher will be Thamkrabok, but it is not necessary to travel half way around the world just to get better. It was easy for me to go to this temple because I’d already been living in Thailand six years before my admission.

The reason for why I’m so certain that Thamkrabok is not a magic solution is the number of people who go there and fail – at least initially. I don’t know what the success rates are compared to other treatment options, but I do know that plenty of people go there and later relapse. There have been at least three individuals who I became friends with during my stay that later slipped back into addiction. I also heard the saddening news that one of our crew, who did manage to stay sober, killed himself due to an inability to break free of depression. The failure of Thamkrabok to cure every addict should not be so surprising. The relapse rates for all treatment facilities are ridiculously high, but at least Thamkrabok doesn’t charge people thousands of euro, pounds, or dollars for a cure that can only come from inside the individual.

How Thamkrabok Stacks Up Against Other Treatment Facilities?

If I’m asked to compare Thamkrabok against other treatment facilities around the world my guess is that it is one of the best. It offers a unique program that is simple but highly effective. The tools that I picked up during my stay there have helped me to completely turn my life around. The thing that impresses me most about Thamkrabok is they do not promote relapse as a “normal part of recovery”. It does not have a revolving door policy. During my more cynical moments I speculate the rehab business model in the west relies on the fact that so many of their clients will later relapse. Thamkrabok does depend on donations to survive, but it does not charge people for the help offered. I’ve no hesitation recommending the program used by the temple, but this program is not enough to ensure that people will recover from an addiction.

When I first arrived at Thamkrabok a monk called Phra Hans, who was taking care of my admission, told me that the temple would not be able to cure me. At first I felt crushed by the news, but then he went on to explain how the keys to my freedom were already there inside of me. Phra Hans promised that Thamkrabok would provide me with some effective tools, but that these could only work if I remained sober. Luckily, I did comprehend what he was saying to me. There is no treatment facility on the planet that can turn drunks or druggies into sober people. The best they can offer is the tools that will make life rewarding once we become sober. In other words, the staying sober part is up to us. In some cases we won’t need any help at all in order to achieve this.

There are some negative aspects to travelling half way around the world in order to break away from addiction. The individual will still have to return home at the end of the day and adapt to sober living in that reality. The fact that Thailand is such an exotic location makes it too easy for westerners to glamorise everything. We can start to believe that it was this Thai temple that was special instead of the reality that it was what happened to us while there that was special. I am convinced that my addiction to alcohol was cured at Thamkrabok, but I strongly suspect that it would have been cured one way or the other. As I said already, when the student is ready, the teacher appears.

Proof of Heaven by Eben Alexander

I still have a few pages left to read of Proof of Heaven: A Neurosurgeon’s Journey into the Afterlife by Eben Alexander, but I will post my thoughts on this book now as I have a bit of time. The title alone would normally be enough to put me off reading this material. It sounds so gimmicky but it turns out to be a great read. Discounting any surprises in the remaining pages, it has not provided any type of conclusive proof of the afterlife, but it does contain some proof (as I would define it).

Skeptical Response to Eben Alexander

The only reason for why Proof of Heaven ended up on my radar was that it received such bad press from the skeptical community. People like prominent atheist Sam Harris have written editorials lambasting Eben Alexander. Like true modern skeptics most of them provided their negative reviews even before they read the book. Of course, there are good reasons for why the debunkers are in such an uproar. They must feel that they are being betrayed by one of their own. Eben Alexander is a neurosurgeon and not the type of person who should be having near death experiences. I suppose the publishers of Proof of Heaven, and indeed Eben Alexander, should be grateful to the debunkers for getting the word out. I would probably not have paid much attention to the book otherwise.

Truth about the Near Death Experience

I once avoided any material discussing the near death experience (NDE) like the plague because I considered it to be a type of wishful thinking. My own ignorance meant that I just accepted the claims that science had explained these events away by hypoxia (lack of oxygen in the brain), or that it was simply the reaction of a dying brain. The truth is that NDEs have not been adequately explained at all. The best theories rely on promissory notes or “science of the gaps” type arguments – we don’t know now but science will be able to tell us soon. The truth is that NDEs remain a mystery, and for me the best source of information about them would be the people who actually have them.

It is estimated that there are up to 774 people who will experience an NDE each day in the US – that’s 275,544 individuals a year in just one country! The near death experience is not an oddity that is limited to a few humans who are mentally unbalanced to begin with. These are people who come from every walk of life – including individuals who were nonbelievers prior to the event. The details of the NDE vary between cultures (as might be expected), but humans have this type of experience in every country – they are even reported here in Thailand.

Does Eben Alexander Provide Proof of Heaven?

Eben Alexander was a successful neurosurgeon until he contracted a severe case of meningitis. He ended up in a coma, and his brain suffered so much damage as a result of the infection that it was practically at a standstill. Eben’s medical team had given up all hope of him having any chance of recovery. I found this part of the book particularly difficult to read because it so resembled what happened to my father after he fell into a coma following a heart attack. Eben remained in a coma for seven days, and it was during this time that he enjoyed a near death experience.

Any of the other accounts I’ve read about NDEs provide whirlwind visits to the afterlife but Proof of Heaven offers a longer description. I must admit, it felt to me that there was something lacking in his details of the afterlife (I wanted more wondrous events), but this probably boils down to a case of “you had to be there”.

Once Eben was sufficiently recovered from his ordeal he began looking for explanations. His profession as a neurosurgeon meant that he was ideally suited to sift through the available data (ironically many of the debunkers are challenging his ability to assess the data – after all what would a neurosurgeon know about the brain?) to find a solution that would fit in with the current scientific materialist worldview. In the second half of the book he considers the various explanations, and he provides compelling reasons for why they are not adequate. In the end he concludes that that the best explanation for what happened to him was that he visited the afterlife.

I didn’t find any knock out proofs for the afterlife in Eben Alexander’s story, but it certainly makes survival of consciousness appear more likely. My own view is that the only way to be fully convinced of such proofs would be to experience them ourselves. Trying to deliberately induce a NDE would be extremely reckless (anyone who has seen the movie Flatliners will appreciate this), but we can get close to it with the out of body experience.

Here are some talks that Eben gave at the Monroe Institute:

Meditation is a Tool Not a Weapon

I am a huge fan of meditation. It helped me overcome a two decade addiction to alcohol, and it is something that benefits my life now. I suppose the main reason, for why meditation is helpful as a tool, is that it allows me to take a step back from my thoughts. It has provided me with a way to break free of negative thinking patterns, and it has helped me to stop taking things so seriously (this is a work in progress). Meditation is a wonderful tool, but it can also be used as a weapon – this is not so good.

Meditation as a Weapon

When I forget that meditation is just a tool I can begin to use it as a weapon. I’m not suggesting here that I’ve developed some type of meditative psychic powers that allow me to inflict pain on my enemies – you guys can relax. When I say that it is a weapon I’m referring to how I can use meditation as a means to beat myself up. The problem starts when I begin to identify with the label ‘meditator’ and all the expectations that come with this. It means that if I fail to live up to this label I can start to feel disappointed in myself. I hear about those people who meditate for three hours a day, and have not missed a day in 10 years, and that is what I expect from my own practice. The reality is that I do not seem able (willing?) to do this so I’m constantly setting myself up for disappointment.

My meditation practice is just like all the other areas of my life that require some type of discipline – I have good days and bad days. I do enjoy periods that last months at a time where I’m able to maintain a daily practice of getting my arse on the cushion (not that I actually use a cushion). I also get bad days and weeks where I can’t be bothered with meditation. This is when meditation becomes a weapon, and I begin to feel guilty. I wouldn’t mind so much if this guilt actually motivated me to meditate, but that doesn’t happen.

Clocking Up Meditation Hours Might Be a Waste of Time

I’ve just admitted that my ability to maintain a regular meditation practice is not that impressive, so what I’m going to say next might sound like a cop out. Call me a fine example of cognitive dissonance if you will, but I’m no longer convinced that clocking up meditation hours guarantees anything. I’m beginning to suspect that this practice reflects my current mental state rather than determining it. I get periods of time when I am naturally mindful, and this means that my whole life can be a form of meditation. At these times turning to inner contemplation is a joy, and it is not something to do in order to stop feeling guilty. It is the times when I don’t want to meditate, and I try to force the issue, that it turns into a weapon to beat myself up with.

There are people who claim to follow a strict regime of regular meditation practice, yet their lives appear to be a bit of a mess. I’m not only talking here about the gurus who can’t keep their hands off their students either. It is possible to meditate like a hermit on steroids and still not be very wise or very spiritual. Meditation is only a tool so it is only as effective as the person using it. This is why we probably shouldn’t be too impressed when people say that they meditate for six hours every day, and that they have done this consistently since 1956. It could be that they are not very good at it. I know that I’ve been trying to play the guitar since the age of seven, and I still can’t make my way through one full song.

The other reason for why I suspect that clocking up the meditation hours is not so important is that two of the most profound spiritual experience of my life happened when I wasn’t engaged in a meditation practice. In fact they took place when I wasn’t doing anything intentional to bring them on. One episode, in particular, involved an altered state of consciousness that was way beyond anything that I’ve experienced through meditation. To be honest, for a long time the thing motivating me to meditate intensely was the hope of recapturing this experience. It did feel like I got close on a couple of occasions, but I now believe that spiritual experiences like that are not available on demand.

Meditation for Enjoyment

If I feel guilty because of my inability to play guitar like Kurt Cobain I’m just wasting my time. The same is true of my inability to live up to the image I have in my head of a serious meditation student. The good news is that I only have to be myself in order to find happiness, and that is the easiest thing in the world to do. This is why I’m going to try giving up meditation as a weapon and instead just use it as a tool I enjoy.

Free From Addiction

In the video below I discuss how it is possible to get completely free from addiction. Of course this does not mean that substance abusers will ever be able to drink or use drugs like the fabled normal person. What I’m talking about is the ability to draw a line under addiction and know for a certainty that it will never be a problem again. It means living a sober life without the feeling of having given anything up – no sense of deprivation. I’m not suggestion living sober one day at a time but of just saying enough already.

There are almost certainly addicts out there who will not consider giving up their behaviour because they are convinced that it will never be possible for them to be free of addiction. The idea of white knuckle sobriety where we have to fight for each sober day is not an attractive proposition. The good news is that complete freedom from substance abuse is problem. When we remove the option of relapse it means that staying sober becomes incredibly easy. We will still have to find a way to cope with the ups and downs of life but alcohol and drugs will no longer be an option.

Press play below to watch the video.

Humans Do Not Need to be Saved or Fixed

I have spent most of my life convinced that I am somehow inadequate as a human. This is not a particularly unusual belief because the message that Homo sapiens are flawed is everywhere. The world is also full of experts who claim to be able to fix us and make us happy. Maybe this explains why mental illness is skyrocketing, and why so many of us waste our time trying to find something that will take us to nirvana (or at least help us feel slightly less flawed). It is this notion that we are broken and in need of fixing that is the real reason for why so many of us end up feeling miserable and frustrated.

What If?

I would class myself as a spiritual person, but I don’t prescribe to any particular creed or religion. I have great respect for the eastern philosophies. Even my youthful rebellion against Christianity has settled down to something far less confrontational. I can now accept that this system too has a great deal to offer us humans. The remaining problem that I have with all these different creeds is that they either view humans or reality as somehow lacking. We are left with the choice of following a path where we ascribe to a certain worldview in order to be saved or we try to deny life in the hope of something more satisfying.

What if there is actually nothing wrong with reality and we already have all we need to be happy? Perhaps the problem is not that we are broken, but that we perceive ourselves that way. It could even be that the universe is exactly as it should be, and that the only reason for why we think otherwise is that we are unable to see the big picture. I’m not sure who first said this (there seems to be a bit of debate) but my favorite quote is:

“Life is a mystery to be lived and not a problem to be solved”

The Key to Happiness is Acceptance

In a post yesterday I mentioned my belief that life is a series of lessons, and that things happen to us for a reason. This may sound contradictory to my claim today that we are not broken and so do not need fixing, but I do not see this as the case. In order to effectively overcome the obstacles in our path we need to fully accept who we are and make the most of what we have. Our progression as humans does not mean that we are becoming more worthy because we were always worthy. This means that we do not need to fix ourselves but only to extend our capabilities.

It may be that the act of trying hard to fix ourselves (or the world) will only lead us to further misery. The problem is that we expect that this journey of self improvement will mean that we become some type of saintly being or that we will experience an improved version of reality. This puts us on a collision course for disillusionment and frustration because when we fail to overcome what we perceive as our human limitations it just further emphasizes the idea that we are unworthy and wrong. It also means that when we continue to experience the ups and downs of life we feel that it is our unworthiness that is the problem.

Life is what it is, and we are what we are. All we are expected to do is to get out of bed each day ready to face the challenges that come our way. If we do this we are already doing enough. The program for progressing as a human is already built into reality, and there is really no need for anything more than this. It could be that all these self help programs and spiritual gurus are surplus to requirement. This is not to say that they are bad or useless. It just means that they are unnecessary for making us acceptable as humans because we were that way to begin with.

Do Things Happen for a Reason?

I choose to believe that things happen in my life for a reason. I view the hardships that come my way as lessons that I can either pass or fail, and that these challenges will keep on repeating until I’ve mastered them. I doubt that I’ve ever managed to pass any of these lessons the first time round and with some of them I repeatedly failed for years (in the case of my alcohol addiction it took decades).

Life in a Purposeless Universe

The belief that things happen for a reason, and that life is a series of lessons, is not a new idea. There have probably always been people who viewed the world this way. It makes the hard aspects of being a human that bit easier to deal with when we can believe that there is some purpose behind it all. Most religions contain this teaching, and it is also shared by most spiritual seekers in one form or another.

In recent years it has become less fashionable to believe that things happen for a reason. The popularity of the claim that humans arrived in the universe by pure chance, and with no purpose, does not leave any room for such a worldview. It even sounds absurd and arrogant that a person would claim that their life is a series of lessons if we are merely meat puppets and insignificant dots in a vast cosmos. It makes far more sense for those who accept the purposelessness of life to just shrug their shoulder and say, “shit just happens”. No wonder the rates of depression and substance abuse are so rampant in many countries where this philosophy has taken hold. It was this idea that allowed me to remain stuck in addiction for so many years – if shit just happens then your best bet is to just party as hard as you can.

The Unfairness of it All

The other problem with believing that things happen for a reason is the obvious unfairness in the world. Some people do seem to be trying hard to do the right things but life keeps on kicking them in the teeth. I had a sad reminder of this a couple of months ago. One of the guys who I got sober with at Thamkrabok temple committed suicide. It is impossible for me to comprehend how somebody who can clean up their life, and maintain this for six years, could still feel the need to end their own life. It is unfair, and I have no problem understanding why it would cause people to conclude that shit just happens.

Despite the plentiful examples of unfairness in the world I do not believe that shit just happens. None of us can see the big picture, and we can’t walk in the shoes of anyone else. I also refuse to accept the idea that humans are mere meat puppets – this is a vile philosophy that dehumanises us. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t blame people at all for reaching this conclusion. It is the belief itself that I find so objectionable and not the fact that so many individuals around the world now accept it as fact.

The Lessons of Life

I choose to believe that life is a series of lessons because this has been my experience. Even if it turns out that I’m wrong I still feel certain that it is better to treat the obstacles in my path this way. If shit just happens then depression, substance abuse, and suicide make perfect sense. We might as well all just give up because the rug can be pulled out of us at any time and doing the right things will be not guarantee that we will be able to get back on our feet again. It would mean that our future is out of our hands because we are powerless to control all those random events that could wreck our life.

Learn to Deal with Worry or Give up Freelance Writing

I’ve always been a bit of a worrier. That is probably one of the main reasons for why I fell into alcohol abuse so easily during in my teens as it provided a temporary escape. There are always uncertainties to keep me awake at night, but worry is probably the most useless things we can do to ourselves. I know this intellectually, but I repeatedly fall into the same trap. Three years ago I decided to follow my dreams and became a full time writer. I don’t regret this decision at all, but it has undoubtedly given me a great deal more to worry about in life.

The Worry of Being a Freelance Writer

There are some great advantages to working as a freelancer. I get to set my own hours, and I can work where I want and how I want to. I very much enjoy this freedom, and I would struggle to work for a boss again, but this freedom comes with a price. This is a life that is full of uncertainty. A couple of months ago I hit a bad patch when the work just dried up for a few weeks, and I felt on the verge of ruin. I became a bit depressed. This was one of the most difficult periods of my life (definitely the toughest thing I’ve had to face since giving up alcohol six years ago). I managed to land on my feet, but it was a hard reminder of the uncertainty of this type of work. If I was still a single guy then this instability would be easier to deal with, but it is harder when you have a family depending on you.

How to Deal With the Worry of Being a Freelancer

I have two choices – I either learn how to live with the worry of being a freelancer or I find a more solid career. I’m a qualified nurse so I could probably return to that, but I don’t think that this is the answer. The reality is that a worrier will always find something to worry about. I remember the dark days as a nurse when I would leave the ward worried sick that I’d forgotten something or done something wrong. At least with writing my worries do not involve the possibility that I might have failed in my duty to other people who were in my care (unless of course you count my family).

I don’t want to give up working as a freelancer. I also feel it’s impractical and impossible to try to remove worry completely from my life. The only sensible approach is to learn how to manage it better. The one technique that has consistently worked for me well in this regard is to have faith that things will always work out. This is not a particularly scientific approach, but it is effective and so far in my life this way of thinking has never failed me.

I have faith that so long as I try to do the right things my life will take me in a good direction. The last six years have provided me with ample evidence that this is the case. My problems always begin when I question this faith – when I allow my inner skeptic to play the smart guy and promote negativity. This form of doubt is steadily declining over the years as the evidence that things will always work out becomes undeniable. It took me two decades of my life to become fully convinced that doing the wrong things causes the wrong things to happen to me but hopefully it won’t take me that long to understand that the opposite is true too. I also have faith that bad things happen for a reason, and at the very least the bad times are an opportunity to learn and grow.

So my answer to dealing with the worry of being a freelance writer is to just focus on doing my best today, and let the future take care of itself. This does not mean that I don’t prepare for the future only that I try to worry about it much less. If things are going to turn bad for me this will happen regardless of how much I worry about it now.

Spiritual Enlightenment – the Damndest Thing by Jed McKenna

Jed McKenna claims to be enlightened and he talks about his views on this state in his book Spiritual Enlightenment – the damndest thing. When I first read this a couple of years ago it challenged some of my beliefs and opinions. I’ve gone back and looked at it again recently, and the claims he makes no longer sound quite that earth shattering. After the first reading I came to the conclusion that the person who wrote it was probably enlightened, but now I’m not so sure. The one thing that hasn’t change is opinion that Jed McKenna has some interesting things to say. What follows is something that I wrote about this book after reading it for the first time.

Who is Jed McKenna?

Jed McKenna is not like your usual enlightened guru. He does not claim to be any type of higher being – or to even be holy. He has just realized some truths about the reality of the universe, and this has changed how he interacts with the world. Jed McKenna does not even seem to be his real name and his true identity is a bit of a mystery.

Unlike most other spiritual teachers McKenna does not claim that becoming enlightened is such a swell thing. In fact he ponders if being caught up in the world of illusion may even be preferable. He provides a view of universe that most people will not want to believe is true. He claims that the idea that the self is a delusion and so is duality – there is only one thing. Not that he is saying anything particular new here – this is the same teaching given by most of the non duality crowd and the Buddha made a similar claim almost 2,600 years ago. The difference with Jed McKenna is that he does not heavily promote enlightenment as something worth having.

Jed McKenna is not an atheist but he dismisses all religions and philosophies as being practically worthless. I agree with his claim that people can only find out the truth for themselves. He admits that all belief systems can be used as a path to enlightenment but that the truth inside them is too obscure for the average Joe (or Joanna) to grasp. Many of his ideas seem to be close to Buddhism but he is as equally dismissive of this as every other belief system. He really does believe that if you see the Buddha on your path you should kill him. He does acknowledge though that the practice of real Zen will take you a long way on the journey to enlightenment, but eventually even Buddhism needs to be ditched in order to continue the journey. Mr. McKenna suggests that all belief systems should be open to more scrutiny and that they should be judged on the number of enlightened beings they produce – no argument from me here.

Review of Spiritual Enlightenment; the Damndest Thing

The thing that I most took from this book is the idea that there is nothing wrong with us and that the big answers just aren’t there to be found. Life is entertainment that is best enjoyed if you don’t ask too many questions or try too hard to find out how it all works. Once you know how a movie is put together then it sort of ruins the enjoyment, and the same is true with life. Jed McKenna believes that self is an illusion and that we are all just characters in poorly acted soap opera. We can have the truth about reality or we can just continue as we are – ultimately it doesn’t make a whole lot of difference.

Jed McKenna may be a huge fraud but I don’t think that really matters so much. What I don’t doubt is that there is a good deal of wisdom in his words. I have my own philosophies which I use as tools to make life that bit more enjoyable. This book has reminded me that ultimately all they are is tools and not the truth.

How to Deal with Addiction Recovery Experts and Spiritual Masters

It is not always easy to find reliable information about addiction recovery or spirituality. When I started looking for help with my alcohol problems back in the eighties there seemed to only about four books to choose from back in Ireland, but the internet now means that the available resources are almost endless. The problem is that not all of this information can be trusted. After all, anyone with a keyboard can now set themselves up as an online addiction guru or spiritual master. In this video I will discuss my views on how to separate the gems from the dross when dealing with this type of material.

Here is the video or if you prefer you can listen to the podcast below:

Here is the podcast for this episode

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