Paul Garrigan's Blog, page 48

The Eighties Were Fantastic Looking Back

Sucker for Eighties Nostalgia

I can be a real sucker for nostalgia. I’m in my forties now so maybe my frequent trips down memory lane are normal. I have so many wonderful things happening in my life right now, but it only takes a few bars of a song from the eighties to whisk me right back to that time. What great days they were – far better than anything we have now. It never seemed to rain back then and when it did rain there was a romantic feel to it. This is all wistful nonsense of course. I come from Ireland and I don’t have to investigate the meteorological archives to know that the weather was miserable for 99% of my childhood.

Nostalgia and the Deceit of Memory

Memory can be a fickle fecker. It has this disturbing ability to make the past appear far better than it ever was. If I’m not careful it can have me believing all sorts of rubbish. I’m not just talking about the tricks that memory plays in regard to the distant past either. After a few days a completely average day trip in the car with my wife and son can be remembered as the stuff of legend. One of the benefits of journaling is that it provides written proof of this mental deceit.

The fact that my memory can be so liberal with the truth about something that happened just a week ago makes me even more cautious about memories from the eighties. So when a Madness song comes on the internet radio I need to question the warm melancholy feeling that begins in my stomach. Instead of embracing this tune as a symbol of my generation, and hop skipping around my office, I have to remind myself that I once disliked Madness intensely and openly mocked other kids who did like them. I wouldn’t have accepted one of their records as a free gift. This is because for much of the eighties I had a deep nostalgia for music from the decade before my birth. I even tried to dress like a Teddy Boy (obviously within the limits of our school’s strict uniform policy).

Nostalgia Dangers

Nostalgia definitely brings benefits. I spent two decades of my life numbed to my feelings because of alcohol abuse. One of the joys of being sober is that I’ve got my feeling back. Nostalgia comes packed with a strange type of sadness – it has a certain sweetness to it. There is just something so enticing about wallowing in memories of my younger years. I once thought that nostalgia only appealed to people that have a miserable life, but that is not the case with me. I know that my life now is better than anything that went before, but I still miss the past. Of course one of the reasons for this is that back then some of the people that I love were still alive.

Occasional nostalgia can make life sweeter, but there are dangers for me if I overindulge. There is so much that is happening right now and now is all I have. My son is growing up fast, and I don’t want to miss any of it. I know that in the future I will be looking back on the 10s as the best period in my life only then I’ll probably be right. I also believe that one of the secrets of a long life is staying engaged with the present. I’m not sure if any research has been done on this, but I sometimes suspect that nostalgia might kill us. I’m not looking to stay around for that long a life – if I make it to my seventies I’ll be satisfied. I just want to see my son grow up and get settled into adulthood.

Over Six Years Sober And I Am Still Far From Perfect

In this video I discuss how life can still be difficult even without alcohol

Press play below to listen to the podcast of this edition

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BTW – I would be so grateful if people would ‘like’ the Facebook Page for my new book Muay Thai Fighter which is due for release soon.

I just noticed that I messed up the title of this post. It is meant to be ‘almost six years’ and not ‘over six years’.

Early Astral Explorations with the Monroe Gateway Experience

In a previous post I discussed my flirtations with the Monroe Gateway Experience. This is an audio course that promises to help me achieve expanded awareness and out of body experiences. It is based on the original program created by Bob Monroe and the Monroe Institute. It makes use of hemi sync technology along with guided meditation. I’ve been managing on average four sessions a day for the last five weeks. I had secretly hoped that this would be a shortcut to higher states of consciousness, but in some ways it is more demanding than my normal meditation practice. This extra effort does seem worth it because of the results I’m getting.

Going Back to Square One with the Gateway Experience

When I first began using these guided meditations I got a bit carried away. To get the most out of the course it is vital to take things slowly, but I’d already reached the end of the second wave by my third week. Despite my promising start it felt like I’d stopped making progress. I felt a bit despondent and almost ready to throw in the towel, but instead I did some research online.

One of my criticisms of the Gateway Experience audio course is that it doesn’t come with enough support material. Apparently this is a deliberate decision because Bob Monroe wanted people to experiment and find things out for themselves. That does sound like a reasonable approach, but it meant that I just felt lost with the program. My investigations online led me to the conclusion that I had been approaching the course the wrong way. I’d just been lying there and waiting for things to happen and that’s not the way these things work.

I came across a forum thread with advice from a guy called Frank Kepple. It involved visualizing an imaginary world that would act as my base camp for astral travel. At first it sounded like cheating but the more I thought about it the more sense it made. By creating an imaginary world to go along with the guided meditation it takes my attention away from my physical body, and this is what makes out of body experiences/lucid dreaming happen. I gave this technique a try and I saw results right away. If the Gateway Experience documentation included these instructions it would have saved me time. By using my imagination it gives my subconscious a kick start. I create a vague imaginary scene and then just allow my subconscious to begin filling in the gaps. Frank Kepple warned about not getting too involved in creating the scene because then it just becomes a visualization technique.

I have gone back to square one with the Gateway Experience and this time I’m taking things slower. From what I’ve read online the most important session of the lot is the second guided meditation in wave one. Some people only ever use this audio track and claim that the rest of the program is surplus to requirements – I’m not sure about that. I spent the last three weeks just listening to that on session, and I’m now ready to move on. It can be a bit tedious listening to the same audio over and over again, but it is leading to better results.

My Latest Out of Body Experience

I’ve now had three experiences that I’m categorizing as out of body. I mentioned the first of these adventures in my last post. The following week I had a similar experience only this time it felt like I fell out of my body. Last night I had my most fascinating adventure to date and I’ll share it here.

I’m walking around the bedroom making a great deal of noise. It suddenly occurs to me that this commotion should waken up my wife and son. This idea is enough for me to realize that I’m dreaming and that this lucidity offers a great opportunity for an out of body experience. I feel myself rising up. In previous attempts at an OBE I became overly excited at this point and woke myself up. I’m determined not to allow this to happen again. I remembered the advice to get as far away from my body as possible so I mentally propelled myself to move outside the bedroom. I’m momentarily stunned by how real everything looks – this is definitely the corridor outside our bedroom down to the smallest detail. I decide to leave the house and explore the neighborhood. I easily fly through the wall and I’m outside.

I’m in the air above our house when I’m temporarily blinded by a bright light. I’m now flying through darkness. I’m not frightened and I don’t even mind the lack of action. I’m just satisfied with the knowledge that this is my longest lucid dream ever. I’m thinking back on what has already happened because I’m worried that I’ll forget it when I wake up. I am fully aware that my physical body is somewhere else sleeping. I start to get bored and I shout out that I would like to speak to somebody.

I’m no longer flying but instead I’m floating in water and it is dark all around me. This is a bit scary but I notice a buoy in the distance. I begin swimming towards it. As I’m getting closer to the buoy I spot another person floating in the water. I swim over to him and ask the way out of the water. He looks to be asleep so I shake him. I ask the question again and he groggily tells me to swim to the side of the swimming pool. It is then that I realize that I am indeed in a swimming pool and that there are many other bodies floating in the water. It is an unsettling image. I swim to the shore and climb out.

Lucid Dreaming, Out of Body, or Just Dreaming

There are almost certainly going to be people who will read my account above and conclude that this was just a dream. It can be difficult to explain this experience to those who have never experienced lucidity while asleep. Despite the increasing media coverage of lucid dreaming (there was even a BBC News article about it this week) there are still people who don’t believe it even happens. I don‘t blame the skeptics because it is something that has to be experienced to be believed.

There is also much debate as to the significance of this dream lucidity. The push to gain the green stamp of scientific approval means that there has been an effort to remove any elements from the experience that might be viewed as supernatural. Most resources on lucid dreaming view it as purely a creation of the subconscious – there are even lucid dreaming forums where mention of the out of body experience or astral projection is banned.

So far I would have to say that my out of body adventures are of the lucid dreaming variety. I don’t believe that my experience this morning actually involved leaving my physical body. Despite being so convincing real looking I’m fairly certain that it all happened inside my head. By saying this I don’t mean to downplay the significance of the event one bit. All our experience happens inside our head and we never do go beyond this. We assume that the sights, smells, sounds, and sensations we experience are out there somewhere, but there is no way we can be sure of this. What we do know is that if they do exist they are nothing like how we perceive them. So to say that a lucid dream is created inside our head takes nothing away from the experience.

Humans Are More than Meat Puppets

My adventures with the Gateway Experience have a purpose. I’m not satisfied with the current scientific materialist explanation for consciousness that portrays humans as little more than meat puppets. Despite the self assured attitude of many materialists such a view is far from proven – I’m not even convinced that it can be proven. It is my hope that further explorations with alternative states of consciousness will allow me to reach some conclusions. I’m not out to convince anyone else, but I do intend to share my journey. My feeling is that there are some things we have to discover for ourselves. Even if I don’t find any evidence against the idea that we are mere fleshy robots I’m still having a wonderful adventure. I love my life and these experiences while asleep are just adding to it.

BTW – I would be so grateful if people would ‘like’ the Facebook Page for my new book Muay Thai Fighter which is due for release soon.

Thai Cobra Snake in Our Living Room

Picture of Cobra from Wikimedia Commons

My wife is usually a calm person so when I heard her panicked voice calling up the stairs earlier I knew it could potentially be serious. I had my music blasting in the office so I couldn’t hear what she was saying, but I did pick up on the word ‘snake’. I grabbed my iPad in the hope of getting a few photos. I expected it to be one of the harmless green snakes that regularly appear in our garden. I only realized the seriousness of the situation when I saw my wife backing up the stairs waving a broom around like a weapon – this is not her regular behavior. All thoughts of photo opportunities were forgotten when she whispered that we had a ngu hao (monocled cobra) under the dining room table. I don’t know much about snakes, but I do know that having a cobra in your living room is not a good thing unless you happen to collect them.

Nature is My Wife’s Department

We have an unwritten rule in our house that my wife deals with all wildlife issues. She grew up in Thailand and seems to have an effective strategy for almost any of these types of encounters with nature. When we lived in her village she would regularly evict scorpions and other unwanted squatters. I have a strict ‘no kill’ policy when it comes to dealing with nature but my wife can be a bit more ruthless. I expected her to similarly take charge with this latest emergency. My panic levels rose significantly when I observed that she was in shock and was expecting me to take charge. I somehow managed to summon up some inner calm and I tried to move past her to deal with the situation. It came as a huge relief when she pulled me back saying that it was too dangerous. We remained huddled on the stairs for about five minutes completely at a loss about what to do.

We decided to make a dash for the front garden. On the way out I caught my first glimpse of the snake. I almost laughed because it looked so tiny, but then I realized that this was only the end of the tail I was seeing. It began to move and I could now see that it was at least two foot in length. That put an extra spring into my step. I grabbed a stick and stood outside tried to look menacing. Oa acted far more practically – she set off on her bike to get some reinforcements. She returned with the village handyman who managed to skillfully deal with the situation for 100 THB. He took the stick off me and together with a dish cloth he was able to remove the snake.

Worried About Future Invasions

Apparently the cobra in our sitting room was only a youngster, and this means that its mother is likely to be nearby. The garden next door is overgrown and this may be plenty more snakes in there. I can joke now about what happened today, but these snakes are dangerous. Apparently a bite from a Thai cobra is enough to kill an elephant. Luckily my son Timmy was at school today but what if he had been playing near the snake? It really is a worry.

P.S. I never did manage to get a picture of the snake. It didn’t seem important at the time. I was just glad to see the back of it.

BTW – I would be so grateful if people would ‘like’ the Facebook Page for my new book Muay Thai Fighter which is due for release soon.

I’m Trying to Give People the Benefit of the Doubt Here

In this video I discuss the importance of giving other people the benefit of the doubt.

Muay Thai Fighter Facebook Page

Muay Thai Fighter Facebook Page

We are getting close now to the launch of my new book Muay Thai Fighter.

I will let everyone know as soon as I get an exact release date.

In the meantime I would really appreciate it if you guys pressed the ‘like’ button for the new Muay Thai Fighter Facebook Page.

So the final title of the book is going to be Muay Thai Fighter – A Farang’s Journey to Become a Thai Boxer.

And below is the final cover -

Paul Garrigan is not a typical fighter. As a child he dreamt of imitating his hero Bruce Lee, he even practiced Kung Fu for a number of years, but he never got past his fear of being hit in the face. By the time he reached his twenties the only fighting he was doing involved a battle with alcoholism. Garrigan transformed from a ten stone weakling in his teens to an overweight alcoholic in his thirties, but the desire to practice a martial art never left him. He ended up living in Thailand where the fiercest of all martial arts is practiced – Muay Thai. Eventually he managed to find his way out of addiction and even though he was now in his forties he decided to pursue his martial art dreams.

In this book we get to see what happens when a middle-aged ex-drunk decides to learn the toughest fighting art in the world. Garrigan wasn’t expecting it to be easy, but could never have anticipated how demanding the training was going to be. It brought him to levels of physical and mental pain that he never guessed existed. A famous saying in martial arts is that the only person you are really fighting is the person you were yesterday. This is the inspiring tale of how we can all achieve our dreams no matter how much we have messed up in life

Timmy Starts Kindergarten Two in Thailand

My son Timmy started back at school yesterday. This is his second year and he is now moved up to K2 – it would be the equivalent of junior infants back in Ireland. I asked him this morning if he preferred K1 or K2 and he says that K1 is for babies. His first year in school whizzed by at a scary pace. Readers of my blog may remember that I had reservations about sending him so young, but looking back we probably did the right thing. He made some friends, and he does seem to enjoy learning.

Back to School Blues

It has been nice having him home all the time for the summer holidays. I spend most of my time glued to the computer in my office, but I can hear him pottering around the house. I also stop for a chat every time I go down to refill my coffee cup. As he was off school we took the opportunity to do some travelling. We spent a few days on Koh Samet, and we also visited Savannakhet in Laos. He enjoys going to these places so when it comes to decisions about hitting the road it is two against one – my wife doesn’t have a chance.

I felt a bit sad over the weekend knowing that Timmy was going back to school – it sort of felt like it was me and not him who would be returning. I have so many memories of that first day of term 1. I would be so excited about all the new books in my school bag, but there would also be a deep dread. Going to school meant entering a world where I’d have far less control. It was a place where I had to struggle to fit in. It was a tough environment where you would either sink or learnt how to swim –I spent most of the time sinking. I felt sad about Timmy going back to school because like any father I want to save him from all that, but I don’t know if it is possible.

Back to Nagging My Son to Speak English

Going to school has changed my son, and it isn’t always in ways that I choose. Over the last few weeks I’ve managed to get him speaking English almost all the time at home, but when we picked him up yesterday he would only speak Thai. I will only converse with him in English, but I hate haven’t to keep moaning at him to speak my language. I worry that nagging will take all the fun out of the language – this is a concern that I’ve discussed on here before .

Timmy was fine going back to school yesterday because I promised him a new iPad game if he was a ‘good boy’. We had to literally drag him there this morning though. In the end his teacher carried him off, and I hated leaving him while he was still so upset. I would love to say to Timmy that he didn’t have to go to school, but he does. I tried to explain all that to him this morning, but he couldn’t understand. It was heartbreaking but what are we supposed to do? The exact same thing happened last year but by the second week he loved going to school. Hopefully he’ll settle back in again quickly because I don’t want to have to go through that every morning.

Out of Body with the Monroe Gateway Experience

In a previous post I discussed my encounters with lucid dreaming. This is the ability to become aware that I’m dreaming and to have some control over the content of the dream. I’m still not able to produce this experience on demand, but lucidity in the dream state is happening more regularly for me these days. My interest in dream lucidity has led me to investigate other topics – most notably the out of body experience (OOBE/OBE).

Going Out of Body

There is no doubt that people do have out of body experiences. They are too widely reported to be easily dismissed – it is estimated that 35 out of every 100 people will experience an OBE during their lifetime. The most well known type of OBE is the near death experience (NDE). This is where people who have reached the border of death (some would even have been considered clinically dead) feel like they are floating above their body. The OBE is only one element of the near death experience, but it is one of the most commonly reported. There are some scientific theories for what is occurring when people have an NDE but no final conclusions have been reached.

Approaching death is not the only way to experience an OBE. Some people describe and event where their consciousness just popped briefly out of their bodies for no apparent reason – although in most of these cases it will be associated with some type of trauma. It is also possible for people to trigger the out of body experience using meditation and other techniques.

Out of Body or Lucid Dreaming

There are definite similarities between the out of body experience and lucid dreaming. This has led experts such as dream researcher Stephen LaBerge to conclude that they are most likely the exact same thing. There is good reason to suspect that an OBE might be a wake induced lucid dream (WILD).

Supporters of the view that OBE is a different experience from lucid dreaming point out that –

- Lucid dreamers become lucid because they realize they are dreaming. The person who is having an OBE does not feel as if they are dreaming.

- The OBE can occur in states unrelated to sleep.

- Research seems to indicate that the out of body experience does not occur during REM sleep. Lucid dreaming usually does occur when people are in the REM portion of their sleep cycle.

I haven’t made my mind up about what is happening with the out of body experience, but I want to make a judgment based on personal experiences. That is why I’ve been working hard for the last three weeks to trigger an OBE. I right away ruled out copying the characters in the movie Flatliners who created NDEs by stopping their own hearts. My wife has a terrible memory and she might forget to use the defibrillator to shock me back to life. Instead I’ve decided to use safer methods for producing the out of body experience.

Out of Body with the Monroe Institute

Bob Monroe is considered a pioneer of the out of body experience. His 1971 book titled Journeys Out of the Body is credited for making the OBE such a well known phenomena. He developed a technique using binaural beats (called hemi sync) that has helped many people achieve the OBE state. Monroe died in 1995, but the Monroe Institute continues to promote his programs.

I’ve been wanting to shake things up with my meditation practice for a while now. I know that a temporary change in direction can lead to new and important discoveries – it can also give my motivation a boost. For the last few years I’ve stuck with insight meditation, and I’ve achieved some good progress (as far as I can tell). I have no intention of abandoning this type of meditation but a change is as good as a rest as they say.

I first came across the Monroe Institute’s Gateway program a few months ago, but at the time I dismissed it as too expensive. The idea has been niggling away at me so I’ve bitten the bullet and bought the first three parts of the program. I don’t begrudge the money – I just have to remind myself that a few years ago I would have spent 100 Euros a night on booze and not thought twice about it.

My Gateway Experience

I’ve been using these guided meditations for three weeks now, and I have had some reasonably impressive results. I found it eerie at first to be guided by a dead man (it is Bob Monroe on the audio), but now the voice feels like a trusted friend. I’d been warned that this method does not seem to be effective for everyone, and that you only get out of it what you put into it – where have I heard that before. I’ve been spending two hours on average a day listening to these guided meditations.

The one thing that I’m pleased with is that the audio so easily guides me into specific meditative states. These are levels of consciousness that I’m familiar with from meditation, but I’ve not been able to produce them at will. The first of these states is what Monroe calls Focus 10 (body asleep –mind awake). It is from this state that it is possible to explore out of body.

Since I’ve started the Gateway Experience there has been a dramatic increase in my lucidity while dreaming. I’ve also had one event that was tantalizingly close to an OBE. I felt my body leave the bed and move around the room. The problem was that I couldn’t open my eyes to see what was going on – so I’ve labeled it as a near miss. It did feel far more intense than my usual lucid dream so it’s certainly encouraging.

The Joy of New Adventures

I expect that some might consider these explorations into consciousness to be a bit barmy, but I just feel drawn towards this type of thing. I see my continued exploration of my mind as an amazing adventure. My current experiments might be leading me down a blind alley, but it is still an adventure. I promise to add future updates so you can judge my progress.

Weather Forces Us to Leave Our Home in Minburi Again

Readers of my blog may remember how back in October we were forced to leave our home as a result of the Bangkok floods. That saga lasted over a month, and I felt at my wits end near the end of it. I normally enjoying staying in hotels, but this is not so much fun when you have no choice in the matter. The flood season is still a few months away so I wasn’t expecting that we would need to give up our home again so soon. Yet here we are once again staying in a hotel as a result of bad weather.

After the Storm No Electricity

It is fairly common for the electricity to cut out here during the middle of a bad weather. On Monday afternoon we had a particularly bad storm so I wasn’t surprised when the power began playing up. This loss of electricity usually only lasts a few minutes so it isn’t too big a deal. I have lost work on the computer this way, but I’m now more careful when the weather turns bad. In 12 years I only remember a couple of occasions when the electricity has been off for longer than an hour.

This storm was a bad one, but it only lasted about 50 minutes. I sat at my computer just waiting for the power to come back on – full of optimism. Luckily I’d charged my iPad so I had this to keep me occupied. My office began to get uncomfortably hot so when there was no sign of the electricity after an hour I called it a day and joined the family downstairs. We decided to brave the mosquitoes and sit out in the garden. It was cooler out there. It actually felt nice to sit watching the sunset together. I would love to say that this lack of electricity meant we were once again enjoying a more natural way of life but that would be an exaggeration. My wife and I were both busy on our iPads, and my son was absorbed in his Leapfrog game tablet.

After about three hours we had almost drained the batteries for our various gadgets. The electricity had still not come back. My wife decided to investigate. It turned out that all the electrical poles on the main road had been knocked down by the high winds. Thanon Khum Glao looked like a war zone and two cars had been hit by flying concrete poles – luckily nobody was seriously injured. The workmen were already working on repairs, but it would be a huge job.

The Hell of No Electricity in Thailand

The lack of electricity precipitated a truly awful night. None of us were able to get much sleep. The bedroom felt like a furnace without the air conditioning and fan – we use both at the moment. My wife opened all the windows to let in a breeze but it also meant that the room became invaded with mosquitoes. I then had the choice of sweating under a sheet or being eating alive by insects. My wife spent the night trying to fan our son with a magazine – this meant that at least he was able to get a bit of sleep. It was a long night for the rest of us.

Yesterday morning I went to check on the repairs and it didn’t look as if there had been much progress. The repairmen couldn’t say if we would have the electricity back by that evening – they looked doubtful. There was no way that I could go through another night of torture so we decided to abandon ship again. We are now staying in a hotel in Pattaya where I have the air conditioning on full blast. I will never complain about being cold again.

Fixing the Electricity in Minburi

Why I Do Not Hate Alcoholics Anonymous – Video

In this episode I discuss my reasons for not hating Alcoholics Anonymous

This video is based on my post Why All the Hatred for Alcoholics Anonymous